Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[JoanArc]

On a serious note, doesn't Jill understand that treating someone as untrustworthy can eventually trigger the behavior she tries to prevent. Derrick might cheat just to get a sense of relief.

[trimthatfat]

Jill doesn't trust Derick? Where is that coming from? Admittedly, I've been in and out of this season, but I didn't get this impression at all. I did get the impression that she's in that puppy love stage where she wants to be around Derick all of the time. Not because she thinks he'll behave inappropriately, but because she genuinely likes being around him.

[Ljohnson1987]

Jill's maturity level is that of a teenage girl in the puppy love stage. She wants to be with Derrick 24/7. Hope Baby Dilly doesn't cramp her style.

[ChicksDigScars]

So, is Jill in her 11th month by now? That American Gothic photo sure looks like it. That kid is going to come out with a Jim-Bob sized bobblehead. 

 

Sorry for that visual. 

[truelovekiss]

Jill doesn't trust Derick? Where is that coming from? Admittedly, I've been in and out of this season, but I didn't get this impression at all. I did get the impression that she's in that puppy love stage where she wants to be around Derick all of the time. Not because she thinks he'll behave inappropriately, but because she genuinely likes being around him.

I think it's speculation, based on how obsessed she is with being with him as much as possible, coupled with the Duggars' love for accountability buddies and overall distrust for the world. My understanding of Gothard is that he discourages working too far outside the home, and thinks that men should be self employed to spend as much time as possible with their families. So Derick working a 9-5 outside the home is probably not what Jill was expecting/hoping for. I think she probably thinks Jessa and Ben have it made.

[Clemgo3165]

 

How effing sad is that? He's a 25 year old man, he's been nothing but a good husband to her and she doesn't trust him to have a lunch hour in the middle of the day.

 

Do we know that she has lunch with him every day? I don't remember reading that anywhere, but could have missed it.

[JoanArc]

http://www.enstarz.com/articles/60834/20150119/jill-duggar-news-pregnant-star-shows-adorable-date-night-pic-with-husband-derick-dillard-photo-video.htm

Direct from Jill's mouth

[Wellfleet]

Jill doesn't trust Derick? Where is that coming from? Admittedly, I've been in and out of this season, but I didn't get this impression at all. I did get the impression that she's in that puppy love stage where she wants to be around Derick all of the time. Not because she thinks he'll behave inappropriately, but because she genuinely likes being around him.

 

I think the idea that Jill doesn't trust Derick is well-founded. They still barely know each other and spent ZIPPO unchaperoned time in each other's company before moving in together! Genuine trust is based on deep knowledge of a person. And that takes time, definitely more time than the Dillards have had together. How could they know enough about each other to earn the trust factor yet? The way Jill & Derick behave on camera has reminded me of freshman year in college and the way we all were with the roommates we'd just met. Everyone's super nice to each other, very considerate. Always agreeable, well-mannered, polite. Almost afraid to say no to something - or disagree. My face actually felt stretched at times from smiling for so long.

[cereality]

I thought she had lunch with him daily because she's clingy and has no sense of boundaries; I didn't realize people thought it was a trust issue. It makes sense -- even though she may never admit it and frankly may not even realize it. She married a guy who is just as Christian as her but has not practiced the "isolation" that her family deems necessary to be religious and it's possible that just scares her. She comes from a family and a cult, where you're not supposed to go to college bc you'd have to sit next to green haired students and men are supposed to own their own businesses so they can be home as much as possible and only have to work with other like minded fundie men/family members/sons.

 

And here comes Derick -- a college grad working in corporate America who may very well have a cubicle next to a [gasp] female. He may even have a female supervisor or two. When his group of young accountants goes to lunch (on the rare occasion she isn't with him) or goes on a coffee run -- that group may have a female or two. Or maybe it is all male and some of the males are black or non-Christian. Or maybe he does work with all white males, but some are non Christian in their behavior and are quick to talk about what cute girl they're seeing and how they're hoping something happens on the 3rd date. The fact that Derick is or could be exposed to these kinds of things and doesn't have his wife or a gaggle of sisters around screaming "Nike" probably does scare her at some level because she probably fears despite all his Duggar brainwashing, he isn't 100% Duggar and could become like one of "those" guys.

 

The sad part is she is so "unexposed" to the real world, that she probably doesn't understand why Derick can't say "can you move my cubicle, I'm married and shouldn't be sitting next to a woman" or why he just doesn't go on a coffee run if a female teammate is going. So in her heart of hearts, she probably wonders -- is he not saying these things bc he WANTS to be around those women?? Rather than realizing that he's acting like a normal employee at work not a religious freak.

 

I do think Jill is pretty shrewd and wears the pants -- much like Michelle -- so I'm sure when cameras aren't rolling she is laying the groundwork to start convincing Derick that a 9-5 job isn't going to be good for a family, it would be SO much better for him to be self employed etc. I don't think he'd necessarily quit tomorrow, and maybe he doesn't want a job "created" for him by Jim Bob Enterprises, but I could see her eventually talking him into religious/ministry kind of work after the M.Div bc that assures that he's only with religious people or if he doesn't finish that -- I wonder if she realizes that he can probably hang up a shingle as a solo accountant; lots of accountants (with experience) do that and while they aren't wealthy, they can be solidly middle class.

Edited March 20, 2015 by cereality

[floridamom]

Wellfleet: Good points and observations. All of these fundy young matched couples have that same "non experience" in their courting rituals. Josh and Anna hardly saw one another, as they courted mostly over the phone, had less "face time" than Jill and derickdillard had..Jessa and Ben had more chronological time together as their courtship was longer, and thedashingbenseewald was on the Duggar compound for some of that time, too, but they have ZILCH one on one time also. All of them did, even Pris and TFDWaller; they all marry strangers and IMO, have to strip down to their skivvies, and sleep with a stranger..oh yes, and be ever so polite, like you said, Wellfleet, for fear of offending their brand spankin' new spouse...just not real....

I noticed, too, how uncomfortable Jill and derickdillard seemed in their kitchen in the season premiere. Jim Bob and Michelle do NOT realize that this was NOT their experience; they dated, spent time alone together and had the privacy to talk and know one another as well as a 17 and a 19 year old can, but at least they knew how each other's hand felt and how each kissed at that time before they bought the cow and bull with a promise of marriage and the families in the middle of it all. Such pressure for these couples I would imagine. I wouldn't want to have EVERYONE, absolutely everyone involved intimately in such a anew situation with a new person.

[cereality]

I think the idea that Jill doesn't trust Derick is well-founded. They still barely know each other and spent ZIPPO unchaperoned time in each other's company before moving in together! Genuine trust is based on deep knowledge of a person. And that takes time, definitely more time than the Dillards have had together. How could they know enough about each other to earn the trust factor yet? The way Jill & Derick behave on camera has reminded me of freshman year in college and the way we all were with the roommates we'd just met. Everyone's super nice to each other, very considerate. Always agreeable, well-mannered, polite. Almost afraid to say no to something - or disagree. My face actually felt stretched at times from smiling for so long.

OMG yes. They are totally like freshmen in college -- everyone is everyone's friend as a frosh. You smile and go along with everything. You never argue. You tend not to express any opinion that could cause any significant disagreement -- bc cliques are just forming and you don't want to be deemed the "unfriendly" one that no one brings into their clique. I definitely saw this behavior in frosh "couples" as well -- the people who meet a boy/girlfriend practically on move in day bc they live across the hall and spend the yr joined at the hip bc they don't want to ever do anything without their "significant other" and they don't want to offend their significant other by saying -- hey the guys on the hall are going to play football Friday afternoon so I'll see you at night.

 

Do they intend to live their lives with such politeness?? I wonder if they've had a significant fight yet -- I don't think him telling her to talk quietly counts. Somehow Ben and Jessa come across as a more "real" couple bc they were used to eating together and interacting in person every day before marriage. Not to mention Jessa isn't the type to keep quiet, so when Ben said in that "counseling" session that they've had a few tiffs and he has realized that he will give her the silent treatment when he's upset -- I believed him.

 

With Jill and Derick -- I don't know -- it seems like they're both keeping sweet and when push comes to shove if they "disagree" or if Derick wants to do something that Jill doesn't -- he decides he has to be the gentlemen and let her have her way.

[Sew Sumi]

Looks like Muffy is still in the family way, for those in the pool. I wonder why they're all dressed up on a Friday afternoon (and if this means that Jilly missed Lunch with derickdillard today)? 

 

https://instagram.com/p/0dZ2UOrszU/

 

Jessa looks puffy and tired. Definitely pregnant. (I'll cross-post this on their thread for further discussion).

[floridamom]

cereality: Would derickdillard get to have a FEMALE administrative assistant in his accounting office? Would she be able to wear pants to work? I'd like to see that!

[Missy Vixen]

derickdillard is never going to be able to have a solo accounting business. If he was away from home at an office, Jilly Muffin would throw a fit. If he tries to make an office in their home, Jilly Muffin is not going to allow him the peace and quiet to do his job.

 

I'd like to hope that Jilly Muffin might grow up a little when she has at least two children clinging to her skirts, but she'll be too pregnant with #3 to consider how frustrating it is to deal with a spouse that can't amuse herself for ten hours a day, five days a week.

[SoSueMe]

I just had a thought about the TLC production crew. I wonder how many different people have been involved through the years and if they have had any influence (other than the obvious stuff for the show) on the Duggars. For instance, maybe a female crew member that dresses totally non super modest - jeans, tank top. I wonder if that has ever happened. Or an attractive male or female that a Duggar kid might crush on. Maybe the crew is strictly screened so as not to be inappropriate in any way. It would be very distracting to be hearing a lot of "nike, nike" in the background, lol.

[msblossom]

Re; the IG photo, Jill looks happy & healthy and dare I say a little tan? This baby is probably gonna come right on time or a little late...he's in no rush to make his debut, lol. Ben looks nice. Maybe Jessa and Ben came over and took Jill out to lunch. Someone mentioned Jessa looking puffy and tired, her face looks a little fuller. Throughout Jill's pregnancy we didn't really see her look puffy anywhere but in her stomach. If I had to guess how much weight Jill gained with this pregnancy I'd have to say no more than 30 lbs. She's slim everywhere other than her enormous belly.

[JoanArc]

They could've dressed up to reenact, er, spontaneously film for the show. It could be next Sunday morning, or the week after Jessa's wedding. Who knows. Timelines are fun!

[msblossom]

She claims to do all those things so they can spend more time together & maybe she has Derick believing that. But I'm with you, I think it's more of a Keeping an eye on him & protecting him from the big bad outside of Duggarland world. When she first talked about it when they came home from their little cocooned honeymoon, it was like a lightbulb went off her head. She realized he would be gone 9-5 everyday & be around people and things that weren't 100% Duggar (or Jilly) approved.

I'm of the opinion it's not a matter of trust for Jill, but that she's clingy and insecure without him. It reminds me of Anna. She did the same thing with Josh. Maybe she's taking her cues from Anna & Josh. Didnt Anna spend nearly all day with Josh until Michael was born? Although it didn't seem to bother Josh much. Ugh. That would truly bug me. Jill reminds me a lot of Anna in that desperate, clingy sort of way. Those two are actually a lot alike. She love-gazes and kisses the way Anna does.

Edited March 20, 2015 by msblossom

[Darknight]

Same for me. Jill has probably been my least favorite Duggar daughter all along. I was hoping when Derick came in the picture, my feelings would change but it's only reinforced them.

She claims to do all those things so they can spend more time together & maybe she has Derick believing that. But I'm with you, I think it's more of a Keeping an eye on him & protecting him from the big bad outside of Duggarland world. When she first talked about it when they came home from their little cocooned honeymoon, it was like a lightbulb went off her head. She realized he would be gone 9-5 everyday & be around people and things that weren't 100% Duggar (or Jilly) approved.

If you can't trust your spouse then don't get married. And you can't prevent a person from cheating or being defrauded. My conservative friend did everything right in her eyes and her husband had an affair. It's sad but you can't keep watch 24/7. Jill really needs to grow up. If Derrick were smart he will actually get a real therapist to help with Jill's fears

[Darknight]

I thought she had lunch with him daily because she's clingy and has no sense of boundaries; I didn't realize people thought it was a trust issue. It makes sense -- even though she may never admit it and frankly may not even realize it. She married a guy who is just as Christian as her but has not practiced the "isolation" that her family deems necessary to be religious and it's possible that just scares her. She comes from a family and a cult, where you're not supposed to go to college bc you'd have to sit next to green haired students and men are supposed to own their own businesses so they can be home as much as possible and only have to work with other like minded fundie men/family members/sons.

And here comes Derick -- a college grad working in corporate America who may very well have a cubicle next to a [gasp] female. He may even have a female supervisor or two. When his group of young accountants goes to lunch (on the rare occasion she isn't with him) or goes on a coffee run -- that group may have a female or two. Or maybe it is all male and some of the males are black or non-Christian. Or maybe he does work with all white males, but some are non Christian in their behavior and are quick to talk about what cute girl they're seeing and how they're hoping something happens on the 3rd date. The fact that Derick is or could be exposed to these kinds of things and doesn't have his wife or a gaggle of sisters around screaming "Nike" probably does scare her at some level because she probably fears despite all his Duggar brainwashing, he isn't 100% Duggar and could become like one of "those" guys.

The sad part is she is so "unexposed" to the real world, that she probably doesn't understand why Derick can't say "can you move my cubicle, I'm married and shouldn't be sitting next to a woman" or why he just doesn't go on a coffee run if a female teammate is going. So in her heart of hearts, she probably wonders -- is he not saying these things bc he WANTS to be around those women?? Rather than realizing that he's acting like a normal employee at work not a religious freak.

I do think Jill is pretty shrewd and wears the pants -- much like Michelle -- so I'm sure when cameras aren't rolling she is laying the groundwork to start convincing Derick that a 9-5 job isn't going to be good for a family, it would be SO much better for him to be self employed etc. I don't think he'd necessarily quit tomorrow, and maybe he doesn't want a job "created" for him by Jim Bob Enterprises, but I could see her eventually talking him into religious/ministry kind of work after the M.Div bc that assures that he's only with religious people or if he doesn't finish that -- I wonder if she realizes that he can probably hang up a shingle as a solo accountant; lots of accountants (with experience) do that and while they aren't wealthy, they can be solidly middle class.

I wonder how Jill would feel if Derrick told her he works with atheist and catholic people. This is why you need to prepare and expose your kids to the outside world Duggars. I worked with different races, cultures, religions and got along with all of them. I went to college with different kinds of people. Jill doesn't understand that. She's so sheltered and brainwashed that she doesn't understand that most of the outside world and fans aren't fundie and don't share her beliefs

[Sew Sumi]

They could've dressed up to reenact, er, spontaneously film for the show. It could be next Sunday morning, or the week after Jessa's wedding. Who knows. Timelines are fun!

Jill claimed that Benessa visited her "today." So, if this was taken at any other time, she'd be a liar. 

[Darknight]

On a serious note, doesn't Jill understand that treating someone as untrustworthy can eventually trigger the behavior she tries to prevent. Derrick might cheat just to get a sense of relief.

I'm surprised Jill didn't start doing certain things her parents forbid. Like music. The more someone says no that's wrong it's evil the more your curious about why it's evil and wrong.

[truelovekiss]

I just had a thought about the TLC production crew. I wonder how many different people have been involved through the years and if they have had any influence (other than the obvious stuff for the show) on the Duggars. For instance, maybe a female crew member that dresses totally non super modest - jeans, tank top. I wonder if that has ever happened. Or an attractive male or female that a Duggar kid might crush on. Maybe the crew is strictly screened so as not to be inappropriate in any way. It would be very distracting to be hearing a lot of "nike, nike" in the background, lol.

There is/was a camera/soundman named Frank Sun (there are pictures of him on the wtf fundie families tumblr) that looks pretty young, and I think he's pretty cute. I don't know if he's still around, but I wouldn't be surprised if Boob got rid of him.

[EarlGreyTea]

There is/was a camera/soundman named Frank Sun (there are pictures of him on the wtf fundie families tumblr) that looks pretty young, and I think he's pretty cute. I don't know if he's still around, but I wouldn't be surprised if Boob got rid of him.

Oh yeah. Isn't he the one who posted a picture of Jana in the geisha makeup on Tumblr? It sparked a flurry of rumors. I can't imagine the girls not noticing a cute guy like that.

 

To bring it back on topic...every time I get a notification that this thread has received a ton of replies, I think it must be because Jill is in labor. Can't believe she hasn't popped yet, but that's probably because we learned about the pregnancy so early.

[msblossom]

I do think Jill is pretty shrewd and wears the pants -- much like Michelle -- so I'm sure when cameras aren't rolling she is laying the groundwork to start convincing Derick that a 9-5 job isn't going to be good for a family, it would be SO much better for him to be self employed etc. I don't think he'd necessarily quit tomorrow, and maybe he doesn't want a job "created" for him by Jim Bob Enterprises, but I could see her eventually talking him into religious/ministry kind of work after the M.Div bc that assures that he's only with religious people or if he doesn't finish that -- I wonder if she realizes that he can probably hang up a shingle as a solo accountant; lots of accountants (with experience) do that and while they aren't wealthy, they can be solidly middle class.

It will literally take Derick years for him to finish his MDiv, which is 90 credit hours plus about 10 non credit hours. I don't see him doing graduating any time soon. 9 credit hours is considered full time as the work load and reading is quite heavy. I would be surprised if Derick is taking more than 6 hours a semester; and most likely it's more like 3 with Jill needing so much of his time and attention. As to hanging up a shingle and staring his own accounting business, I don't see him doing that either. He only has one year of experience as an entry level accountant. As to Jill wearing the pants in the family, I believe you are probably right though. She needs only to whine and complain enough, and Derick, at this stage, will most likely comply with her demands, along with any pressure JB chooses to apply bc at this point they've got both of his balls in a vice. ETA: Working in the ministry and among ministry related people does not insulate a person from extra-marital affairs or worldly influences, but Jill probably thinks so.

Edited March 20, 2015 by msblossom

[JoanArc]

Jill claimed that Benessa visited her "today." So, if this was taken at any other time, she'd be a liar.

Yes, but the tv timelines and Instagram timelines seem to frequently disagree. The whole show is scripted!

[Ripley68]

In the last People article where Jill talks about getting in as much couple time as possible...it kills me.  She talks about trying to spend as much time together as possible before baby arrives since they won' thave any couple time afer that.  Shouldn't they have dont that BEFORE getting pregnant.....maybe taken some percautions (not breaking any of there rules of course), so they could have been a couple for a little while?

[msblossom]

^^^This is what bothers me about Jill. Nine months ago she didn't even know what couple time meant. Never experienced it. Now she's talking like she's some wise sage like she's been married forever. She rushed into marriage and got pregnant with a man she had never been alone with and now she's talking about couple time? She is so immature and I can't wait for all of her new reality to smack her in the face. She needs to grow up.

[Joe Jitsu913]

None of the Duggars live in reality. None of them have careers or hobbies. None of them know what it's like to struggle to put food on the table. None of them have ever had organic relationships with other people. Everything is monitored by Mommy and Daddy. The Duggar children have been forced into being friends with each other and even their spouses are approved by Mommy and Daddy. I would pay real money to see Jill work at a 9-5 job for one day. The fact that she doesn't "get" that Derick has to work to make a living shows how incredibly sheltered and brainwashed she is.

Edited March 21, 2015 by Joe Jitsu913

[cereality]

It will literally take Derick years for him to finish his MDiv, which is 90 credit hours plus about 10 non credit hours. I don't see him doing graduating any time soon. 9 credit hours is considered full time as the work load and reading is quite heavy. I would be surprised if Derick is taking more than 6 hours a semester; and most likely it's more like 3 with Jill needing so much of his time and attention. As to hanging up a shingle and staring his own accounting business, I don't see him doing that either. He only has one year of experience as an entry level accountant. As to Jill wearing the pants in the family, I believe you are probably right though. She needs only to whine and complain enough, and Derick, at this stage, will most likely comply with her demands, along with any pressure JB chooses to apply bc at this point they've got both of his balls in a vice. ETA: Working in the ministry and among ministry related people does not insulate a person from extra-marital affairs or worldly influences, but Jill probably thinks so.

I don't see Derick finishing the M. Div. I'm sure he wants to, but when people go to school part time and work full time, that is pretty much their life for a while. Derick has the added distraction of Jill needing so much of his time, then there will be a new baby, then Jill will be pregnant again -- plus whatever obligations he has for TLC/filming. With all of that I can see Derick putting the M. Div on hold in another yr or so because his family needs him and then just never getting back to it.

 

As for hanging up a shingle, I'm not suggesting that it's a good idea, but I can see them thinking it is a good idea once has a whole TWO yrs under his belt. Jill and JB are naïve and probably don't realize that tax experts work their whole lives to become experts and that the tax code is intricate and keeps changing. I can see them both thinking -- aw shucks a college degree and two whole yrs with a Fortune 500, he's gonna be more qualified than 95% of the accountants out there. I can see Derick knowing better, but then he hasn't found the ability to speak up in front of his wife and father in law.

[msblossom]

I don't see Derick finishing the M. Div. I'm sure he wants to, but when people go to school part time and work full time, that is pretty much their life for a while. Derick has the added distraction of Jill needing so much of his time, then there will be a new baby, then Jill will be pregnant again -- plus whatever obligations he has for TLC/filming. With all of that I can see Derick putting the M. Div on hold in another yr or so because his family needs him and then just never getting back to it.

I can understand why you might come to that conclusion, however, the missionary board with the denomination Derick is associated with is offering him a seminary tuition discount of 75% off because of his 2 year journeyman service in Nepal. He will strike while the iron is hot bc it will not be offered to him indefinitely. He would be foolish not to and he knows this. Tuition for anMDIv is roughly 100 hrs = $50k. His denomination cooperation and international mission board will pay approximately $37,500 leaving Derick to pay only $12,500 for a $50k seminary degree. Not to mention he will be eligible for scholarships on top of that. As long as he plods along, they will pay for most of his tuition. He's extremely lucky.

[cmr2014]

I don't know that Jill is intentionally keeping tabs on Derick, but this is part of their belief system. If men stray, it's because their women aren't there for them. Aside from being a besotted newlywed, I think that Jill is doing what she believes a good wife does.

 

I don't think that Derick really understood what he was getting himself into -- at least until it was too late to back out gracefully. I think he had fantasies about being part of a big, loving family, and having a family like that of his own. I hope that now that he has spent some time with the Duggars, and gotten the opportunity to take a good long look at the Howlers and the Lost Girls, that his enthusiasm has been tempered.

[GEML]

Eh, until they've been together awhile, I think Jill and Derick want to spend time together because they never got to. I was struck by how both they still reacted to Jill's comment about not having chaperones at the painting segment with Jessa and Ben. I think we really underestimate how much they wanted to be alone together - and they have so little time now before the baby will make that difficult.

[Wellfleet]

I don't see Derick finishing the M. Div. I'm sure he wants to, but when people go to school part time and work full time, that is pretty much their life for a while. Derick has the added distraction of Jill needing so much of his time, then there will be a new baby, then Jill will be pregnant again -- plus whatever obligations he has for TLC/filming. With all of that I can see Derick putting the M. Div on hold in another yr or so because his family needs him and then just never getting back to it.

 

As for hanging up a shingle, I'm not suggesting that it's a good idea, but I can see them thinking it is a good idea once has a whole TWO yrs under his belt. Jill and JB are naïve and probably don't realize that tax experts work their whole lives to become experts and that the tax code is intricate and keeps changing. I can see them both thinking -- aw shucks a college degree and two whole yrs with a Fortune 500, he's gonna be more qualified than 95% of the accountants out there. I can see Derick knowing better, but then he hasn't found the ability to speak up in front of his wife and father in law.

 

100% agree. I'd be really shocked if Derick ever gets his MDiv. As it is now, there are too many distractions in his life, and even if one of them - the show - goes off the air, he doesn't really have the experience to open up his own shop. And won't for years. But Boob and Jill - with their naivete and incredible [unearned] self-confidence, might try to talk him into it. Derick, even though he's spent time "out in the world" is still quite naive himself, I think. He might easily believe whatever Boob fills his head with. Either that or he'll be too weenie to speak up for himself and say "No way, and I'll thank you to stay the hell out of my life..."

[SpaghettiTuesdays]

Jill's due date is Tuesday and still no baby. I'm salty I didn't win the baby pool.

[Fuzzysox]

Jill's due date is Tuesday and still no baby. I'm salty I didn't win the baby pool.

I'm mad that the baby didn't make it's grand entrance on St. Joseph's Day! Sheesh!

[msblossom]

Jill's due date is Tuesday and still no baby. I'm salty I didn't win the baby pool.

Well, there's Jessa. Ha!

[andromeda331]

I find all this talk about trust interesting. I assumed she was just clingy. But it really does make sense considering she and her whole family stay away from the rest of the world. And here her husband is going to work. A workplace filled with women and people of different backgrounds and religion. The fact Derick wants to work and choses to work here has to be throwing her for loop. In her mind why would he want to do that? She needs to protect him from those people she'd been protected against her whole life. And spending so much time with them every day, five days a week?  No wonder she's showing up to his work all the time. 

[Barb23]

Regarding Anna going to work with Josh at the car lot when they first married (pre Mack) At least it came across as Anna "worked" there. IIRC, they said Anna organized the office, learned about the car business & made a few sales. Granted Jilly can't move into the cubicle next to Derick's, but at least Anna contributed to the car lot even if it was just for a small time.

[TVFAN]

I haven't seen anything that indicates a lack of trust.  I think Jill is probably quite lonely.  Imagine growing up in a home where you are literally NEVER alone.  I come from a small family so it is quite unfathomable to me.  I always had my own room and plenty of quiet time to read, etc.  

 

But Jill has lived in the middle of a circus all of her life.  She quite naturally has no clue what to do when there is no one around.  No wonder she wants to meet Derick for lunch!  If I married into a situation where I was surrounded by people 24-7, I would be a reverse image of Jill--instead of looking for ways to be with people, I would be looking for excuses to get away for a bit.  

 

I think things will settle a bit more into place once the baby arrives.  Jill won't be alone, and she will be busy doing something she likes.  She may eventually come to value quiet time alone, but it is not going to happen overnight.

 

All in all, I haven't seen anything with Jill and Derick that alarms me in the least.  They seem happy together, and if they have some growing up to do, they have plenty of time to do it.  Who among is the same person he/she was in their 20s?  Everyone grows and changes.

[truelovekiss]

Regarding Anna going to work with Josh at the car lot when they first married (pre Mack) At least it came across as Anna "worked" there. IIRC, they said Anna organized the office, learned about the car business & made a few sales. Granted Jilly can't move into the cubicle next to Derick's, but at least Anna contributed to the car lot even if it was just for a small time.

I forgot about that! Now I definitely do remember her contributing to the business, which I think gives her old habit of spending 24/7 with Josh a bit more dignity. I also don't remember Josh having any coworkers/employees (except maybe JD) so at least he would have Anna to talk to during down time. I said before (I think on the Smugganna thread) that I think Anna matured and grew up a lot after they moved away from the compound, and she was taking care of the three kids all day every day by herself. I think as long as Jilly Muffin has back up 20 minutes away to cater to her (and enable her to stalk her husband) she won't grow up. I think Moving several hundred miles away would do Jill and Derick (especially Jilly Muffin) a whole lot of good.

[JoanArc]

 

Everyone grows and changes.

Then why are Jim Bob and Mechlle still 17? Why is Derrick still reeling from his father death, which was years ago? Emotional developmental delay is common. It keeps many, many therapists employed!

[roamyn]

Then why are Jim Bob and Mechlle still 17? Why is Derrick still reeling from his father death, which was years ago? Emotional developmental delay is common. It keeps many, many therapists employed!

Mechelle & Boob are stunted by Gothard teachings.

As far as "reeling" I don't see that. However, when life changes happen (ala Baby Dilly), reminiscing & being sad is natural.

My mother will be gone 20 years this year. She's missed her grandchildren growing up, the birth of 4 of them. I get sad abt that. Tears still can come to my eyes when discussing certain things.

[cereality]

As much as I can snark on this family -- why is Derick reeling from his father's death, seriously?? It has "only" been 7 years and that 7 years has seen tremendous change for Derick -- as it does for everyone during the ages of 18-25 -- and Derick lost the one constant he had grown up with, his dad. Not only did he lose his dad, he lost him when he was a frosh in college -- having lived away from home all of one semester -- and didn't lose him after something like an illness where there would have been "preparation"; rather his dad just didn't wake up one morning.

 

So then he had to finish out 3.5 yrs of school, decided to go on a mission, met a girl via Skype, his mom got diagnosed with cancer and he faced the sobering reality that he could lose her too, started his first real job, married the girl within months, and got her pregnant within seconds. I can't imagine that he doesn't have private moments where he misses his dad and would love to hear his dad say "this is how life is -- you're doing great."

[Wellfleet]

Mechelle & Boob are stunted by Gothard teachings.

As far as "reeling" I don't see that. However, when life changes happen (ala Baby Dilly), reminiscing & being sad is natural.

My mother will be gone 20 years this year. She's missed her grandchildren growing up, the birth of 4 of them. I get sad abt that. Tears still can come to my eyes when discussing certain things.

 

I agree - I think the choice of words here was probably a poor one. To "reel" from an event means to be aghast, stunned, shocked, shaken. Of course this happened to Derrick at the time of his dad's death, especially since it was sudden and unexpected. No doubt he was reeling THEN. But after seven years, years which have been for the most part good years, at least from what we've heard, Derrick should not STILL be "reeling from his father's death." Obviously he'll always be sad when he thinks of his dad. He'll always miss him, always wish he was around to go fishing with, talk with, enjoy his grandchildren etc. There are 1000s of moments when he'll be unhappy thinking of all that both he and his dad are missing. But even his mother, who was married to the man, has learned to cope and move on. Because Derrick has productively gone on with his life too, I doubt that he's still "reeling" from his loss. But if he is, he should get some counseling.

Edited March 21, 2015 by Wellfleet

[EarlGreyTea]

As much as I can snark on this family -- why is Derick reeling from his father's death, seriously?? It has "only" been 7 years and that 7 years has seen tremendous change for Derick -- as it does for everyone during the ages of 18-25 -- and Derick lost the one constant he had grown up with, his dad. Not only did he lose his dad, he lost him when he was a frosh in college -- having lived away from home all of one semester -- and didn't lose him after something like an illness where there would have been "preparation"; rather his dad just didn't wake up one morning.

 

I'll add that while it's hard to lose a parent at any age, it's harder when you're an adult, IMO (I lost mine at 8, so I was younger). As a young adult you're just beginning to see them as people, not just as parents. You see their flaws and as you move out on your own, they become an advisor and friend rolled into one. And as you get older you realize all they've done for you and how they know you better than anyone else. I'm sad that Derick won't be able to have his dad as friend/advisor at this point in his life. What I'd give to see what he thought of the Duggar circus!  I like to think he'd be like Dan with some measure of disgust.

[trimthatfat]

Why is Derrick still reeling from his father death, which was years ago? Emotional developmental delay is common. It keeps many, many therapists employed!

I think this is such an insensitive thing to say. Is there is a time limit on grief? My husband lost a sibling when he was a child and nearly 30 years later, he cannot talk about that sibling without crying.  I think it's dangerous to question the length of time someone mourns a loved one.

 

Derick's dad was not at his wedding (physically) and he won't be able to run around with his grandchildren. Those are two major milestones for a parent to miss. I think Derick has every right to be sad about his loss. This board sometimes...my goodness.

[Absolom]

I think what the other poster was trying to say is that there is a difference in normal grief (what you described) and "reeling."  Those first few days are reeling, but that stage doesn't last forever.  

[Sew Sumi]

Muffy: Still pregnant. There goes my pick in the pool, which was for today. But yay! It's their 9 monthiversary! Wheeeeee! 

 

https://instagram.com/p/0gG9rbmCY9/

[JoanArc]

It's the word I chose. Jim Bob can be his new daddy now, anyway.