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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


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Shout out to everyone participating in the conversation about Jill’s miscarriage/stillbirth. You’re navigating a difficult topic with respect and thoughtfulness and your contributions are kind, considerate, constructive and informative. 

Thank you. 💚💚

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When I was pregnant with my first, I could wait until I started showing.  I think I finally looked pregnant around 4 1/2 months.  Maybe Jill is just eager and is subconsciously pushing her stomach out so it looks like she is showing.

With my second I wasn't as eager to start showing, but I did much sooner.  Go figure.

 

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Well, even if she hasn't formally studied prenatal nutrition, it's not like she's incapable of reading a baby book (I assume, anyway) to learn what she needs to do.  Hell I am college educated and I didn't know anything about prenatal vitamins or nutrition really with my first one (and that was before the internet). That's what "What To Expect When You're Expecting" is for. :-)  So I'm not terribly worried about that.  Unless she/they swear off prenatal vitamins because they want to just trust that God will take care of the baby or some such.  Then I would be concerned.  Otherwise I'm going to assume they are/will be reasonable unless/until we see otherwise.

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I just moved a couple posts that were directly discussing stuff about Jill that aired on tonight's new episode to that episode thread.  I know it can be confusing to know where to put something, but generally speaking try to keep conversation about anything from tonight's episode in that thread, and general discussion of Jill/Derek that doesn't fit neatly into any one episode here.

 

Thanks.

 

 

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So piecing together a timeline based in how long they Skyped/texted (3 months), courted (4 months), were engaged (just under 3 months) and have been married ( a bit over 2 months ), then Jill and Derek probably "met" on Skype around August, 2013. Eleven months later she was already married and pregnant with Blessing #1! That sure is moving things right along. I like Jill and Derick. I really do. I just feel like between living in a house that belongs to her dad and having a child so quickly their life may be shaped by the reality show rather than their life simply being documented. Does that make any sense?

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So piecing together a timeline based in how long they Skyped/texted (3 months), courted (4 months), were engaged (just under 3 months) and have been married ( a bit over 2 months ), then Jill and Derek probably "met" on Skype around August, 2013. Eleven months later she was already married and pregnant with Blessing #1! That sure is moving things right along. I like Jill and Derick. I really do. I just feel like between living in a house that belongs to her dad and having a child so quickly their life may be shaped by the reality show rather than their life simply being documented. Does that make any sense?

Generations upon generations of couples dated/courted for shorter periods and transitioned from innocence to parenthood, so in my opinion, they're just old school. DH and I were in our early 30s when we met and were engaged at about 3 months, married at 6. No rush for kids, but a super long dating engagement period would've been miserable for us.

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I think Jill and Derick are well-matched and seem to flow seamlessly. My opinion is whether they dated for six months or six years, the relationship would work regardless. I do wish they'd given themselves a little more couple time before they jumped into parenthood but I do think they'll have a relatively easy transition. Jill has been taking care of newborns, babies and toddlers 24/7 for years. She has way more experience than the average newbie parent.

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Definitely some good points about marriages working despite short courtships. I know my own grandparents only dated for 6 weeks before he popped the question, and as it was during WWII, I'm pretty sure they were married as soon as a simple wedding could be organized. I agree that Derick and Jill are a good match. I think we might actually have to give Jim Bob some credit for setting them up, so to speak.

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We have to essentially look at the Duggar and Gothard marriages as arranged marriages, and thus they are outside of a lot of the standard American norms we think of for marriages. It may not even be a requirement that you be "in love" when you marry - simply that you "love" them.

In cultures where arranged marriages are common, they do quite well, as the people going into them do so with different expectations than most of us would.

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Just to clarify, Jill was in a Certified Professional Midwife program, not a Certified Nurse Midwife program. BIG difference.

I think it's possible to successfully meet, develop a connection, and marry over a short period of time. I have no idea if D & J have what it takes to be successful. What's disturbing to me about their timeline is that Jill went from only hand holding to full on intercourse in a matter of hours. That sounds traumatic to me!

Edited by KittyS
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What would be scary for me is never being alone with a person to having sex with him. Derick and Jill were always chaperoned and their physical contact consisted of side hugs and hand holding. I will never understand that kind of thinking.
And Derrick may be wishing he waited to impregnate his wife. Many pregnant women are not interested or physically comfortable with sex so he may not be getting much anymore.

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The certified nurse midwife requires a graduate degree as a nurse practitioner. The other seems more like a direct entry midwife program. They are not nurses like CNMs, no college required.

Edited by Higgins
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From what I can tell, a CNM certification is required for a woman to work in an actual hospital. The CPM is a shorter program and only certifies women (in certain states, at that) to deliver babies in a birthing center or at home. Also, I think I've heard that CNMs aren't *allowed* to do home deliveries (possibly also in certain states?), so if that's what a mom-to-be wants (and I know several who are relatively normal, and done home births), she needs a CPM to do the delivery.

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And Derrick may be wishing he waited to impregnate his wife. Many pregnant women are not interested or physically comfortable with sex so he may not be getting much anymore.

 

Derrick may not know this, but her ATI training should have informed her that she doesn't really have a say in it.

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We have to essentially look at the Duggar and Gothard marriages as arranged marriages, and thus they are outside of a lot of the standard American norms we think of for marriages. It may not even be a requirement that you be "in love" when you marry - simply that you "love" them.

In cultures where arranged marriages are common, they do quite well, as the people going into them do so with different expectations than most of us would.

 

I can't help but wonder what would happen if someone "loved" another person of a completely different race or <gasp> of the same gender.  I agree with you that the marriages are mostly arranged, I just wonder how much "love" plays into it.

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About the early pregnancy announcement and potentially then having to announce a miscarriage and so on - I do still think that 6-8 weeks is early to announce to the universe via People magazine. BUT.... I think my opinion has changed a bit on announcing to friends and family/Facebook - I just miscarried what would have been my 4th baby. (this isn't a pity party, just an anecdote) Ultrasound showed that the baby probably died around 12 weeks but I didn't find out until 16 weeks. Naturally, I had told the universe by that point, because hey, I was out of my first trimester. So yeah, un-announcing to the universe has kind of sucked. But, the support we've been getting (like the meal that's arriving in a couple minutes), has been really, really nice. We would never have gotten that amount of support if I'd not announced I was pregnant, and possibly even if I'd just told people I was miscarrying. And people have said they appreciate the openness. So, there's that at least. Now as I said, I don't think it was a great idea for J&D to announce to the universe BUT I can appreciate their challenge in that if they'd only told friends & family, someone would inevitably spill the beans before the public announcement a la Jessa & Ben's "courtship".

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KittyS, can you expound on the differences? I'm interested in knowing.

Higgins and JessDVD have made some good points.

I do not work in Labor and Delivery, but I am an RN with a BSN, so I am admittedly biased toward college educated, state licensed nurses! :-) I get frustrated when I see the general public is (understandably) confused by the designations.

This is a VERY controversial topic within nursing and midwife circles, so I don't want to completely sidetrack this forum with a debate about nurse midwives versus midwives and home birth versus hospital birth.

This chart has some good comparisons:

http://www.amcbmidwife.org/amcb-certification/why-amcb-certification-[/

Here are a few critical differences:

Certified Professional Midwives are certified by NARMS, the North American Registry of Midwives, but this certification is not recognized by half of the states. There is a program of study, but there are no college courses required for the certification. The clinical experience requires that the candidate:

observe 10 births, assist at 20 births, be the primary attendant at 20 births (under observation)

Certified Nurse Midwives (CNMs) are required to possess a minimum of a graduate degree such as the Master of Science in Nursing or Post-Master's Certificate. Additionally, Certified Nurse Midwives must also hold an active Registered Nurse license in the state in which they practice.

Here is a typical program at Georgetown:

 

http://online.nursing.georgetown.edu/academics/nurse-midwifery-womens-health-nurse-practitioner/%22%5D

http://online.nursing.georgetown.edu/academics/nurse-midwifery-womens-health-nurse-practitioner/%22%5D

http://online.nursing.georgetown.edu/academics/nurse-midwifery-womens-health-nurse-practitioner/

http://online.nursing.georgetown.edu/academics/nurse-midwifery-womens-health-nurse-practitioner/

http://online.nursing.georgetown.edu/academics/nurse-midwifery-womens-health-nurse-practitioner/

CNMs can prescribe medications and order labs, while CPMs have to find someone willing to do this for them.

CNMs typically deliver babies at hospitals or birth centers and risk losing their licenses if they perform a home delivery.

CPMs typically deliver babies at homes and have no legal standing at hospitals, although they may be present as a support person (like a doula).

IMO, Jill Duggar would struggle to complete a college degree in nursing with her crappy Duggar education. (Not a knock on homeschooling, just Duggar homeschooling.) In college I took biology, chemistry, biochemistry, microbiology, nutrition, pharmacology, and genetics.

I am not personally a fan of home birth, but I respect a woman's right to make an INFORMED decision about her pregnancy and birth. I also think there are a lot of women who are giving birth without even understanding what kind of midwife they are hiring or what kind of education and training their midwife has.

I just want to add that I looked at the International Mission Board, the agency Derick did his mission work through. Under healthcare volunteer opportunities they are seeking nurses and nurse practitioners (and doctors, PAs, etc.) so I doubt Jill would be able to be a midwife through this organization, although I'm sure there are others with less stringent requirements.

Edited by Rhondinella
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Higgins and JessDVD have made some good points.

I do not work in Labor and Delivery, but I am an RN with a BSN, so I am admittedly biased toward college educated, state licensed nurses! :-) I get frustrated when I see the general public is (understandably) confused by the designations.

This is a VERY controversial topic within nursing and midwife circles, so I don't want to completely sidetrack this forum with a debate about nurse midwives versus midwives and home birth versus hospital birth.

This chart has some good comparisons:

http://www.amcbmidwife.org/amcb-certification/why-amcb-certification-[/

Here are a few critical differences:

Certified Professional Midwives are certified by NARMS, the North American Registry of Midwives, but this certification is not recognized by half of the states. There is a program of study, but there are no college courses required for the certification. The clinical experience requires that the candidate:

observe 10 births, assist at 20 births, be the primary attendant at 20 births (under observation)

Certified Nurse Midwives (CNMs) are required to possess a minimum of a graduate degree such as the Master of Science in Nursing or Post-Master's Certificate. Additionally, Certified Nurse Midwives must also hold an active Registered Nurse license in the state in which they practice.

Here is a typical program at Georgetown:

http://online.nursing.georgetown.edu/academics/nurse-midwifery-womens-health-nurse-practitioner/"]http://online.nursing.georgetown.edu/academics/nurse-midwifery-womens-health-nurse-practitioner/

CNMs can prescribe medications and order labs, while CPMs have to find someone willing to do this for them.

CNMs typically deliver babies at hospitals or birth centers and risk losing their licenses if they perform a home delivery.

CPMs typically deliver babies at homes and have no legal standing at hospitals, although they may be present as a support person (like a doula).

IMO, Jill Duggar would struggle to complete a college degree in nursing with her crappy Duggar education. (Not a knock on homeschooling, just Duggar homeschooling.) In college I took biology, chemistry, biochemistry, microbiology, nutrition, pharmacology, and genetics.

I am not personally a fan of home birth, but I respect a woman's right to make an INFORMED decision about her pregnancy and birth. I also think there are a lot of women who are giving birth without even understanding what kind of midwife they are hiring or what kind of education and training their midwife has.

I just want to add that I looked at the International Mission Board, the agency Derick did his mission work through. Under healthcare volunteer opportunities they are seeking nurses and nurse practitioners (and doctors, PAs, etc.) so I doubt Jill would be able to be a midwife through this organization, although I'm sure there are others with less stringent requirements.

I agree with your point that unfortunately the school of the dining room table may not have given Jill much preparation if she were ever to go the route of getting an RN...not that it can't be done, but definitly not easy. I went to public school, did fairly well in science... And I will graduate from nursing school (god willing) in may, and I can honestly say, hands down this is one of the hardest things I've ever done. There is so much that goes into being a nurse that NOBODY tells you about nursing until you are in the program (cough *nursingdiagnosis* cough). All of that to say, I feel like going into it I was fairly prepared, but it's definitly a lot more than I anticipated, i just don't see how it would be possible with an education that may not value the sciences as much as their precious field trips.

I do hope Jill does go through with being a midwife, either route (cnm/cpm). But I fear if she's taking a break due to "morning sickness" there isn't a whole lot of hope... But hopefully she proves me wrong.

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IMO, Jill Duggar would struggle to complete a college degree in nursing with her crappy Duggar education. (Not a knock on homeschooling, just Duggar homeschooling.) In college I took biology, chemistry, biochemistry, microbiology, nutrition, pharmacology, and genetics.

Totally agree. But the saddest thing, to me, is that the kids are not allowed to even explore what their potential MIGHT be. Some of them may be intelligent; who knows? I don't think Jill is stupid by any means; she simply suffers from a lack of exposure to ANYTHING. Josiah, to me, seems like a smart kid.

 

Maybe Derick will become less enamored with the Duggar way of life as time goes on, and maybe he and Jill will become a bit more lenient; as others have noted here many times; it's possible to be a conservative Christian and NOT be nuts. I don't operate under any illusions that Derick's family voted for Obama, but his mom does wear pants and have a job; it would be so, so wonderful if some of her mainstream ways rubbed off on her daughter-in-law. 

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I think Jill is smart enough to get an RN, at least at a community college. She might need to take some extra classes and/or get a tutor, but just look at all the dimwits out there with degrees. I think anyone who applies themselves and really wants something can overcome any obstacles.  I think if Jill really wanted to become an RN, and I don't think she does, she could do it.

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I was so hoping that Derick and Jill were "perfectly matched" because they shared an ambition to serve as missionaries -- Jill providing midwife services and Derick a ministry -- in foreign countries (presumably Spanish-speaking, since Jill has been studying that language for some time).  How does moving into Dad's house in NWA, working at WM, and having a baby right off the bat figure into these lofty life plans?  Did I miss something???  I can now only hope that these decisions were in part shaped by his mother's unexpected illness -- not wanting to be thousands of miles away from her and/or wanting to give her a grandchild -- and those considerations played into it more than TLC's or JB's designs on this couple.  They were all lined up for what looked to be an exciting vocation in serving God and others.  Now that, I would've watched!

Edited by joanofarch4
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It's actually possible that Jill and Derrick would consider leaving their children with her sisters or sisters in law while they did mission work. I know that sounds odd on the first go around, but think about it - they have watched JB and Michelle leave the family for their work, and until fairly recently it was common for mission families to send children to boarding school. It could be income for a family member who might to have some otherwise, too.

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I just saw the picture from People magazine.

Good Lord, is she going to walk around with her hand on her stomach for the next 6 months?

,

I think the answer to that will be "yes."

I'm sure as someone who trained as a midwife she would know that at this stage of her pregnancy her uterus is still down in her pelvis. Placing her hand there wouldn't exactly photograph as well ;)

Edited by Libby96
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I'm sure as someone who trained as a midwife she would know that at this stage of her pregnancy her uterus is still down in her pelvis. Placing her hand there wouldn't exactly photograph as well ;)

I thought the same thing.  She should know her hand was nowhere near her baby.

 

I remember being very excited to "show" and I don't think that is a big deal.

I do too, and I think when she really does start to show (and not just this little puffiness she's got right now) we will start seeing profile pictures, modest of course, to really get the effect. 

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I thought the same thing.  She should know her hand was nowhere near her baby.

 

 

 

I do too, and I think when she really does start to show (and not just this little puffiness she's got right now) we will start seeing profile pictures, modest of course, to really get the effect.

Funny you mentioned profile pictures.  Check this out. 

 

https://www.facebook.com/DerickandJilldillardFans/photos/a.820401997988070.1073741830.819445818083688/915861088442160/?type=1&theater

 

eta:  I actually like that black and white dress she has on.

Edited by abseedee
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Love the profile pics!  It's nice to see Jill looking not so frumpy.

 

She looks healthy and happy.

 

I read the comments under the picture and one person actually said "most young women don't care about their babies' development."

 

HUH?  I know many young girls that are very excited, my daughter included.  She even did the week by week pics.  So fun to look at now.  Also, she is expecting her second child, and I don't think she is any less enthusiastic about this pregnancy as she was with her daughter 2 1/2 years ago.

 

So I think that was a really dumb comment.  You don't have to be fundie or have dozens of kids to be a good mom.

 

But anyway, I do like Derick and Jill.  She looks adorable.

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Nope. Through some internet finagling, I've figured out that Jill is probably due on or around March 25. If that's so, then she likely conceived somewhere between June 27th and July 2nd.

 

And now I feel like I should apologize to Jill and Derick for going to such great lengths to figure out exactly when they made Baby Gherkin. Sorry, guys.

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XrystalPond, on 05 Sept 2014 - 12:47 PM, said:XrystalPond, on 05 Sept 2014 - 12:47 PM, said:XrystalPond, on 05 Sept 2014 - 12:47 PM, said:XrystalPond, on 05 Sept 2014 - 12:47 PM, said:XrystalPond, on 05 Sept 2014 - 12:47 PM, said:

It doesn't matter as much if she can succeed in the classes, which I highly doubt that she is prepared for it. I work in the technical/community college realm. Those are some seriously tough classes and I have multiple advanced degrees. The biggest problem is the competition to get into the program 400-600 people applying for each seat. These are people with better credentials, stellar education, high test scores, and more. I sat in on the interviews for the latest class here where I work. There were people in that group that intimidated me. Most of the candidates had worked as volunteers or LPN's at major medical centers and hospitals. Others had worked in such places with medical programs in areas that are desperate for medical care.

 

We accepted no one who applied and said they only wanted to work in one area - labor and delivery. That is just one of many classes that have to be taken. Out of the 40 accepted, one was home schooled and she had already earned a BS in Biology from a local university.

If she wanted to go the nursing route and could get past the whole school is evil thing, her best bet might be a for-profit school that does not have competitive admissions.

 

 

I think it depends, on the college and the area. I don't think all community colleges are nearly as competitive as the community college you work or worked at (up to 24,000 students applying for 40 spots?? I doubt that is typical of most community colleges. I think we'd being hearing about it on the news if it was!). Also, some of the classes are hard, but they aren't THAT hard. I was accepted to a community college nursing program after being on the waiting list for a few quarters (applied winter, started fall). Prior to that I went to an alternative high school and took only very basic classes (I was a stoner all through high school and did the absolute minimum I had to do to graduate).  So it's actually possible that I was near the same level as the SOTDRT, and I didn't have 2+ years of midwifery experience. I have 2 friends in nursing programs right now at different community colleges in different states. They both were enrolled within a year of applying (started right away on pre-reqs). Neither had medical experience, a degree, or even took AP classes in high school.   I'm not saying it is easy, but I don't think it's all that unattainable if a person really wants it (and also has the opportunity).  Lots of people who are much, much worse off than Jill or the other Duggar kids have figured out how to overcome obstacles and have done amazing things with their lives.

 

I guess none of this matters because we are discussing someone who is not involved in the convo. LOL :-)

Edited by starfire
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I know it's the Duggar's thing to get married and have babies right away but coming from a household with so many babies/children and always having to take care of them you'd think she'd like to get married and take a break from caretaking. Maybe it's all she knows anyways..

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I think it depends, on the college and the area. I don't think all community colleges are nearly as competitive as the community college you work or worked at (up to 24,000 students applying for 40 spots?? I doubt that is typical of most community colleges. I think we'd being hearing about it on the news if it was!). Also, some of the classes are hard, but they aren't THAT hard. I was accepted to a community college nursing program after being on the waiting list for a few quarters (applied winter, started fall). Prior to that I went to an alternative high school and took only very basic classes (I was a stoner all through high school and did the absolute minimum I had to do to graduate).  So it's actually possible that I was near the same level as the SOTDRT, and I didn't have 2+ years of midwifery experience. I have 2 friends in nursing programs right now at different community colleges in different states. They both were enrolled within a year of applying (started right away on pre-reqs). Neither had medical experience, a degree, or even took AP classes in high school.   I'm not saying it is easy, but I don't think it's all that unattainable if a person really wants it (and also has the opportunity).  Lots of people who are much, much worse off than Jill or the other Duggar kids have figured out how to overcome obstacles and have done amazing things with their lives.

 

I guess none of this matters because we are discussing someone who is not involved in the convo. LOL :-)

I agree. Nursing school was challenging but it wasn't anywhere near as hard as my classmates and instructors liked to make it out to be  and I went to one of the largest and most prestigious CC in the country. I was told t was so competitive but in actuality, they took everyone who met the requirements and applied. The nclex  wasn't bad either .....passed in 75.

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Nursing students have to take Anatomy and Physiology, right?  I heard an NPR article recently saying that only about 50% of students who start an A&P class pass it the first time.  But I'd assume that's one of the more difficult classes.

 

As for the discussion about having babies derailing their plans to serve overseas, it doesn't necessarily have to.  Yes it's harder to move overseas for missions service with children, but it's certainly not impossible.  Most missionaries I have known have brought their kids with them to the field or even gave birth to them on the field (as I did with 2 of mine).  We moved to our first assignment overseas when our first child was 1 year old.  Of course, there would be certain places or assignments that wouldn't be conducive or advisable to take children into, but most of the time these days missionaries have decent living conditions.  Maybe not up to American standards, but sometimes not that much lower.

 

In fact, for me things were much easier as a mom on the mission field because in the country we were in (Kenya) it was expected for missionaries and other Western ex-pats to hire local women to help do the housework, cooking and childcare.  It was a way of giving a person a job who really needed it, and it freed me up to concentrate on my work instead of cleaning my house.  The lady we hired also watched my young children while I was in class or in the office (we lived on the university campus so I could pop home during the day to see them).  And the salary we paid her was pittance by American standards, even though it was quite generous by Kenyan standards.  It was enough to enable the lady to send her own daughter to a nicer school than she would normally have been able to afford.

 

It was actually so wonderful that talking about it now makes me wonder why I ever left!  Especially when I look around at the messy state of my house right now! :-)  So, all that to say, having kids doesn't necessarily mean you can't pick up and go on international missions assignments.  However, I don't know how they would feel about someone else helping raise their kids instead of the mom doing it all.  Oh . . . . wait.  That's exactly what Jill is used to I guess, huh?

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It's actually possible that Jill and Derrick would consider leaving their children with her sisters or sisters in law while they did mission work. I know that sounds odd on the first go around, but think about it - they have watched JB and Michelle leave the family for their work, and until fairly recently it was common for mission families to send children to boarding school. It could be income for a family member who might to have some otherwise, too.

 

That's a good point, but I have to admit I was hoping Jill and Derick would do some more long-term mission work that has more of a chance to actually be helpful, as opposed to the weeklong trips the Duggars tend to take to convert already-Christians, hand out talking Bibles and toilet paper and erect playground equipment.  Oh well.  As long as they're happy, that's what matters.

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Looks like Derick and Jill took in the Arkansas college football game with his brother and one of the younger Duggar boys -- can't tell which one. It's good that they're out on weekends doing their own thing. It would be better if they could do that alone or with his family without ALWAYS having to involve one of the Duggar siblings.

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I think, out of all the Duggars, Jill just likes being around her younger siblings the most.

I thought watching her do the painting with her youngest sisters in the "Duggars and Mothers" episode was quite lovely. She really has a good way with young children. Very few people really do.

Edited by GEML
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