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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


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Shout out to everyone participating in the conversation about Jill’s miscarriage/stillbirth. You’re navigating a difficult topic with respect and thoughtfulness and your contributions are kind, considerate, constructive and informative. 

Thank you. 💚💚

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On 9/21/2016 at 11:26 AM, Absolom said:

There absolutely is among some people and areas.  The lay midwives themselves feed that idea and do tell women that giving birth is all natural and and no outside assistance is required.  Not all lay midwives are like that, but Venessa is one of those. 

It's so unfortunate that because pregnancy and childbirth are considered natural that appropriate and quality medical care is frowned upon.  Women used to die in childbirth because medical care wasn't available at the time.  Jessa and Jill both needed medical care at the end.  It's irresponsible to purposely avoid medical care in childbirth if it's available - for the woman and the baby's health and safety.

 Kidney stones are natural too I suppose but I was happy to have gotten to the hospital to find out what it was and get proper pain relief.  

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Just read the bible and pray away the evilness out of your body. You will be fine. Sorry, I am in a cranky mood today, and I just torture myself by watching the latest episode. At least there was no Jill and Derick, but I would bet dollar to donuts, the latest Jill help out with delivery was filmed to be use for an episode plot at a later date. I hope I am wrong.

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On 9/21/2016 at 11:07 AM, jcbrown said:

And wouldn't it also be stupid sh*t that could expose her to liability should something go wrong? Jill is just. not. bright.

I get the feeling they really think that God protects them from stuff like giant legal trouble, crushing poverty, death in childbirth -- all that stuff they continually flirt with. And they certainly have been lucky so far. But it's hard to see their luck holding forever.

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In the Duggar world, ego comes before lawsuits and other forms of bad luck. If Jill is attending a delivery and something goes wrong for mother and/or baby, she will go into a evilness took over spiel, and the Devil is to be blame for it.

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2 hours ago, bigskygirl said:
2 hours ago, bigskygirl said:

In the Duggar world, ego comes before lawsuits and other forms of bad luck. If Jill is attending a delivery and something goes wrong for mother and/or baby, she will go into a evilness took over spiel, and the Devil is to be blame for it.

Or she'll make a beeline for the back door !!

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On 9/18/2016 at 9:16 AM, BitterApple said:

Yes she did. Jill sat there completely stone faced while the translator comforted the woman. None of the Duggar kids have empathy, Jill included. She probably thought the woman brought her marital problems on herself by not praying enough or being joyfully available. 

Or it could be that they were taught to suck up whatever treatment was done to them and walk it off so they don't know what normal people do.  It sounds like they were not allowed to show proper emotions after their own brother abused them which is a travesty and probably how they had to handle other awful issues.  No time for crying when you have to take care of a crying baby.  The Duggars do indeed do things differently.

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22 hours ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

Looked to me like she understood very little of what was being said. 

But see, that's the key. Even if Jill couldn't understand a single word the woman said, she could still see the woman was visibly upset & crying. Those behaviors transcend language barriers. If I saw another human being in pain, natural empathy would be my knee jerk response.

These Duggars, Christians at that, never cease to confound and disappoint me.

Edited by lulu69
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4 hours ago, lulu69 said:

But see, that's the key. Even if Jill couldnt understand a single word the woman said, she could still see the woman was visibly upset & crying. Those behaviors transcend language barriers. If I saw another human being in pain, natural empathy would be my knee jerk response.

These Dugears, Christians at that, never cease to confound and disappoint me.

Yes, absolutely.  Jill's inability to empathize really bothered me. Even if she didn't understand the language well enough, she could still have hugged her or showed her some other kindness or caring gesture or handed her a tissue. The other lady was translating, so she did know what was going on.

We have to remember these were probably reenactments, and editing may have left Jill in a bad light, but I felt sorry for these ladies to have their pain put out there for all of us to see. I did roll my eyes when Muffy said that these men don't work...Manbun is not really gainfully employed, other than getting a stipend and lodging from SOS and TLC pay. They'd be SOL without that.

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On ‎9‎/‎22‎/‎2016 at 5:10 PM, bigskygirl said:

In the Duggar world, ego comes before lawsuits and other forms of bad luck. If Jill is attending a delivery and something goes wrong for mother and/or baby, she will go into a evilness took over spiel, and the Devil is to be blame for it.

Here's the thing:  Jill is in no danger of lawsuits because she doesn't have any assets and she surely doesn't have malpractice coverage anyway.  She's not the only one; that is typical of most direct entry midwives.  It's why they cannot get regular docs to back them up ; well that and the fact that their training and certification is less than adequate from a medical point of view.  Malpractice attorneys don't work on cases where there is no chance of getting decent compensation.  Nor do expert witnesses, jury selection experts, etc. No matter what Jill does as a lay midwife, she is unlikely to be sued because she has no personal wealth for a malpractice attorney to go after.  I know it doesn't always look that way on TV, but malpractice attorneys expect to be paid handsomely for their work and they don't take cases, no matter how meritorious, if there is no hope they won't get a big payday if they win.  That is also a major reason why lay midwives cannot get staff privileges in regular hospitals; if the lay midwife screws up, the lawyers will sue the hospital or the doctor who stepped in and took care of the patient because they are insured and the lawyers will go where the money is, ignoring the lay midwife in favor of those who have the means to pay.

Edited by doodlebug
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Thanks, Doodlebug. What you say makes sense. Malpractice premiums in Texas for obstetrics are so high that many OBGYNs have dropped the OB part of their practice.  This has left many pregnant women in sparsely populated areas unable to find an OB for tens of miles, even as much as 50 miles or more.

I can see why they'd certainly distance themselves from someone like Muffy, with her SOTDRT and online lay certificate cred.  Haven't seen any posts from Muffy or Manbun lately. Hope Derick keeps the bun.  Though I'm not really a fan of the man bun, if it pisses off Boob, all the better.

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3 minutes ago, NewDigs said:

Please tell me he's not morphing into Boob. Something in the eyes or hair or, something.

I think it's the gut.

LOL just kidding.  He doesn't have a "gut," not yet any way.  He's a cute kid, despite the disturbing likeness to Jim Bob.  But nice choice for what to serve him as his first meal of his own when dining out, Dillards!   Set that precedent right from the start ... 1500 calories of pure fat, lol. I'm sure next time they will order him something more sensible, yeah right. 

Wouldn't you think they'd throw something healthy on his plate just for show.  Hell, some ketchup, a lettuce leaf, anything.  The Duggars know they are constantly criticized for how they eat.  Showing Izzy sitting down to chow on a big plate of fried food is just inviting snark. It's almost like they are giving us all the bird, lol .... hmmm... I wonder ... 

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Maybe they figured that pot of steamed broccoli that peeked out at us from an IG was enough for the month. 

Oh! And the apple core! 

Not sure about the bird. I'm thinking more along the lines of, Countdown to internet FU.

Edited by NewDigs
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8 hours ago, doodlebug said:

Here's the thing:  Jill is in no danger of lawsuits because she doesn't have any assets and she surely doesn't have malpractice coverage anyway.  She's not the only one; that is typical of most direct entry midwives. 

But wouldn't malpractice be considered a criminal offence if the baby or mother died or were injured due to the incompetence of the "midwife"? I 'm not sure what the terms are in English (wikipedia tells me involuntary manslaughter) but we've got two crimes here, which I will rather clumsily translate into "causing another person's death" and "causing another person to be injured" that covers things like carelessness in traffic, causing accidents, or just about anything that involves causing the death or injury of someone by being a thoughtless bloody idiot. There aren't any lay "midwives" in Sweden (or much suing for that matter) so I don't know if this sort of thing would be covered under those laws tbh but it seems incredibly strange that someone could repeatedly kill or injure babies due to self-imposed incompetence and not be arrested for it.

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Maybe gross negligence? But from what I understand, the burden of proof is much higher in a criminal case than a civil one. I know we have a few lawyers here, comments?

Edited by lulu69
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https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/midwife-karen-carr-convicted-in-alexandria-babys-death-is-under-investigation-in-md/2011/05/11/AFlrp22G_story.html

"Last week, Karen Carr was convicted of two felonies for her role in the September death of a baby boy she delivered in an Alexandria home."

"As part of her plea, Carr received a four-year sentence, all suspended except for several days that she spent in jail in Maryland after her arrest."

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I found this part of the article relevant to Jill's (and Venessa's) cases. 

Carr earned certification as a midwife in 1997 through the North American Registry of Midwives. The certification — certified professional midwife, or CPM — is recognized in some states and not others. It doesn’t have minimum education requirements, but the process includes apprenticeships and exams.

The confusing part for parents, Macones said, is that there are several types of midwives and they have similar titles, so it might not be clear what level of education and training a practitioner has. CPMs learn through an apprenticeship model, while certified nurse midwives have years of academic study and clinical internships.

In Maryland and the District, there is no license for CPMs, only for nurse midwives. In Virginia, CPMs can practice if they get a license; according to state records, the state has 55 licensed CPMs.

AR apparently allows CPMs, but there must be some licensure that Jill hasn't taken, since she passed the NARM testing and did her apprenticeships. I wonder what's missing, because she's not listed here (the Query friend got her certification; she was still an apprentice when Anna had Marcus): 

http://www.healthy.arkansas.gov/programsServices/familyHealth/WomensHealth/Documents/LMW Listing updated 9.1.16.pdf 

 

 

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15 hours ago, Vaysh said:

But wouldn't malpractice be considered a criminal offence if the baby or mother died or were injured due to the incompetence of the "midwife"? I 'm not sure what the terms are in English (wikipedia tells me involuntary manslaughter) but we've got two crimes here, which I will rather clumsily translate into "causing another person's death" and "causing another person to be injured" that covers things like carelessness in traffic, causing accidents, or just about anything that involves causing the death or injury of someone by being a thoughtless bloody idiot. There aren't any lay "midwives" in Sweden (or much suing for that matter) so I don't know if this sort of thing would be covered under those laws tbh but it seems incredibly strange that someone could repeatedly kill or injure babies due to self-imposed incompetence and not be arrested for it.

Yes, but it would require witnesses and testimony.  Many lay midwives, especially in states where it is not legal, swear their clients to secrecy.  I have had women who delivered at home with a lay midwife and had a bad outcome lie to my face and claim that there was no one in attendance, just their husband. In one case, the lay midwife, who I knew was a lay midwife having met her on multiple occasions, was standing right there and claimed she was a personal friend of the couple who just happened to 'drop by' for a visit just minutes after the baby was delivered by his mother with no assistance from anyone else.  Thank goodness she had a bag and mask in her purse and was able to administer CPR until the EMT's got there! (Baby was declared brain dead 2 days later).

  Many of these folks are deeply religious and select midwives with similar beliefs and there is a whole lot of hooting and howling about 'God's will' and the like when a tragedy occurs.  I personally spoke to a police detective who was investigating a lay midwife who was well known for botched deliveries including infant deaths.  I had a patient who came to my office for a postpartum visit after one such delivery which resulted in the tragic and unnecessary death of her baby.  She told me and a CNM who worked with me the whole story and there were multiple huge mistakes made over the 3 days (!!!!) she was in labor at home.  We were independently contacted by a detective who was investigating the death at the coroner's request because the baby died of traumatic injuries which occurred at his birth.  We told him what we knew, we begged the patient and her husband to talk to the police, but no, she refused as did her husband.  They told the detective that she had had no prenatal care, that she and her husband had made the decision to deliver the baby themselves at home and that's what they had done.  No one else was involved.  He knew that they were lying, but what could he do?  Arrest them?  They'd already lost their child.  BTW, this supposedly religious lay midwife went to other members of their church and told them that she was suspicious that the woman and her husband had physically abused their newborn and caused his injuries themselves which resulted in them being shunned by their congregation just when they needed support.  There's a lot of pathology out there.  The detective told me he had interviewed multiple other families and always got the same response; they protected this woman, and, as far as I know, she's still practicing.  She has never been prosecuted.

Edited by doodlebug
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1 hour ago, doodlebug said:

Yes, but it would require witnesses and testimony.  Many lay midwives, especially in states where it is not legal, swear their clients to secrecy.  I have had women who delivered at home with a lay midwife and had a bad outcome lie to my face and claim that there was no one in attendance, just their husband. In one case, the lay midwife, who I knew was a lay midwife having met her on multiple occasions, was standing right there and claimed she was a personal friend of the couple who just happened to 'drop by' for a visit just minutes after the baby was delivered by his mother with no assistance from anyone else.  Thank goodness she had a bag and mask in her purse and was able to administer CPR until the EMT's got there! (Baby was declared brain dead 2 days later).

  Many of these folks are deeply religious and select midwives with similar beliefs and there is a whole lot of hooting and howling about 'God's will' and the like when a tragedy occurs.  I personally spoke to a police detective who was investigating a lay midwife who was well known for botched deliveries including infant deaths.  I had a patient who came to my office for a postpartum visit after one such delivery which resulted in the tragic and unnecessary death of her baby.  She told me and a CNM who worked with me the whole story and there were multiple huge mistakes made over the 3 days (!!!!) she was in labor at home.  We were independently contacted by a detective who was investigating the death at the coroner's request because the baby died of traumatic injuries which occurred at his birth.  We told him what we knew, we begged the patient and her husband to talk to the police, but no, she refused as did her husband.  They told the detective that she had had no prenatal care, that she and her husband had made the decision to deliver the baby themselves at home and that's what they had done.  No one else was involved.  He knew that they were lying, but what could he do?  Arrest them?  They'd already lost their child.  BTW, this supposedly religious lay midwife went to other members of their church and told them that she was suspicious that the woman and her husband had physically abused their newborn and caused his injuries themselves which resulted in them being shunned by their congregation just when they needed support.  There's a lot of pathology out there.  The detective told me he had interviewed multiple other families and always got the same response; they protected this woman, and, as far as I know, she's still practicing.  She has never been prosecuted.

How absolutely horrifying. God's will? Did it never occur to these idiots that perhaps God gave people brains so that they might become OB/GYNs?? It's like that old tale about the guy who stood on his roof amid a rising flood and turned down one offer of help after another because he was waiting for God to save him. After he drowns, he demands to know why God didn't save him. God says, "I sent you a rowboat, a helicopter...what did you want??"

Edited by Tabbygirl521
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The last episode was Dullard-lite, and I hope TLC doesn't feel the need to have an episode dedicated to them. There was some buzz about a social media post by Jill a while ago (months?) fake searching for Cathy's birth mother; please TLC do not turn that into a Dullard feature.

Edited by sometimesy
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@doodlebug

The fuck? I just can not wrap my head around this kind of mindset. If they knew their child's death was caused by the incompetence of this woman, why on earth would they not do everything in their power to shut her down? If not for their own sake, then for other parents and their babies. Ugh. I want to say fuck religion but I have a strong suspicion it's also about close-knit communities and not wanting to rock the boat. Though one would think your child's death would be a damn good reason to not just rock it but over-turn it completely. But hey, Jesus, right?

The more I read about fundies and their lackadaisical attitude to birth, born babies, and children in general, the more I realise that their anti-choice agenda is far more about controlling and subjugating women than it is about protecting those precious unborn babies.

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21 hours ago, Vaysh said:

@doodlebug

The fuck? I just can not wrap my head around this kind of mindset. If they knew their child's death was caused by the incompetence of this woman, why on earth would they not do everything in their power to shut her down? If not for their own sake, then for other parents and their babies. Ugh. I want to say fuck religion but I have a strong suspicion it's also about close-knit communities and not wanting to rock the boat. Though one would think your child's death would be a damn good reason to not just rock it but over-turn it completely. But hey, Jesus, right?

The more I read about fundies and their lackadaisical attitude to birth, born babies, and children in general, the more I realise that their anti-choice agenda is far more about controlling and subjugating women than it is about protecting those precious unborn babies.

I also don't get law enforcement letting it go. Parents who deprive their kids of proper health care to the detriment of the child are charged, why don't they charge parents and midwives for endangering a newborn as well?

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51 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I also don't get law enforcement letting it go. Parents who deprive their kids of proper health care to the detriment of the child are charged, why don't they charge parents and midwives for endangering a newborn as well?

From what I understand it's a legally grey area. If the damage is done before the baby is born, then it's not endangering a newborn. Practicing medicine without a license would be the best bet for getting the midwife, but if the parents aren't willing to speak out, there's not much anyone can do. And a pregnant woman has the right to make her own medical decisions. 

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On 9/26/2016 at 0:27 PM, Tabbygirl521 said:

How absolutely horrifying. God's will? Did it never occur to these idiots that perhaps God gave people brains so that they might become OB/GYNs??

How many times do we have to tell you? God gave us brains to trick us into relying on our brains instead of on His infinite capriciousness and megalomania goodness and mercy. This medical school stuff -- ick!

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Muffy's little hipster (yes, she used the word). I wonder if she got it from people in AR or heard it from some delusional teenaged missioncationer before they came back to the States? I don't know how else she would know the trend.

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1 hour ago, Sew Sumi said:

Muffy's little hipster (yes, she used the word). I wonder if she got it from people in AR or heard it from some delusional teenaged missioncationer before they came back to the States? I don't know how else she would know the trend.

Wow. He looks much older than 18 months. He is going to be one tall man when he grows up.

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I'm honestly not trying to body shame her, but Jill looks like she could really benefit from working on her core. She's got that skinny fat look now that indicates lack of muscle and if she's planning on having several more babies that's going to do a number on her back, hips and pelvis unless she gets some tone around her core area.

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18 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

Minus the pants, Izzy looks adorable.

I think the Giant White Baby may be challenged in finding pants long enough for him. Looks like Izzy will have to shop at the Big Tall shop. At least he'll always get to have new.  He's a cutie in his hipster gear.  When's he going to grow his boy bun?

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1 hour ago, BitterApple said:

Doesn't Jill know how to sew? Can't she get a bigger pair of pants and hem them?

The problem looks to be the opposite.  Pants that fit him in the waist are too short.  So to buy a larger pair of pants to get the length would involve taking them up in the waist.  She should look into the little boy pants with the buttons and elastic that are adjustable for the waistline or drawstring pants.

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He looks so pleased with himself, LOL. I love that pic. And if you look closely the pants are rolled up at the bottom to show his cute socks.

I think Jill's core looks just fine for someone who had an enormous baby yanked out of her. She really doesn't seem to have much of a tummy at all in that vid. She COULD use a bra fitting though.

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I thought she should have acknowledged Israel after the playing - instead, she turns to the group.  I know they think the world doesn't revolve around him, but, that was the first time he heard that, and I would have patted him on the head or something first.  Well if it were me I would have picked him up and given him a kiss and said "did you like hearing mommy play?" 

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On 9/28/2016 at 1:07 PM, Sew Sumi said:

Muffy's little hipster (yes, she used the word). I wonder if she got it from people in AR or heard it from some delusional teenaged missioncationer before they came back to the States? I don't know how else she would know the trend.

Who the hell hashtags 'handmedowns'?  The Duggars must realize that they didn't invent thrift store shopping, right? 

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17 hours ago, Absolom said:

The problem looks to be the opposite.  Pants that fit him in the waist are too short.  So to buy a larger pair of pants to get the length would involve taking them up in the waist.  She should look into the little boy pants with the buttons and elastic that are adjustable for the waistline or drawstring pants.

My kiddo has the same problem, and we have found there's tons of boypants that address it. I think it's common with kids that trend tall, because their little waists don't expand in line with their growing limbs. Mine is 3, is up to 4T clothes, but could fit his waist into a 2T (it would just look like we were dressing him in hotpants). 

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20 hours ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

I think the Giant White Baby may be challenged in finding pants long enough for him. Looks like Izzy will have to shop at the Big Tall shop. At least he'll always get to have new.  He's a cutie in his hipster gear.  When's he going to grow his boy bun?

The pants are cuffed.

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19 hours ago, Clemgo3165 said:

I think Jill's core looks just fine for someone who had an enormous baby yanked out of her. She really doesn't seem to have much of a tummy at all in that vid. 

I agree.  She looks great for having a cesarean only what?  18 months ago?  That's major abdominal surgery and most women never get back that pre-baby tummy.  Even with extensive exercise.  and she may still have loose skin which will also contribute to the paunch.  I'm pretty sure Mommy Dearest has a paunch, too.  We just never see it because she wears such loose-fitting clothes.  

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Hand me downs, thrift store shopping. They really have an unusual view of 'the outside'. Shopping in thrift stores is kind of the rage for the eco-friendly crew. 

Give them credit for playing instruments, it doesn't matter that Jill isn't a concert violinist, music is a good hobby for anyone.  

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6 hours ago, questionfear said:

My kiddo has the same problem, and we have found there's tons of boypants that address it. I think it's common with kids that trend tall, because their little waists don't expand in line with their growing limbs. Mine is 3, is up to 4T clothes, but could fit his waist into a 2T (it would just look like we were dressing him in hotpants). 

Duggars and hotpants!  BWAHHHH!!

 I had a pair when I was a kid.  And gogo boots.  It was awesome.  My friend told me I looked like Super Star Barbie!

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2 hours ago, fonfereksglen said:

Well, she also hashtagged "broccoli."

That's probably because the Duggars -- and the Bateses -- all think broccoli is very very unusual.

Since their parents apparently never showed them any.

Edited by Churchhoney
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Quote

I agree.  She looks great for having a cesarean only what?  18 months ago?  That's major abdominal surgery and most women never get back that pre-baby tummy.  Even with extensive exercise.  and she may still have loose skin which will also contribute to the paunch.  I'm pretty sure Mommy Dearest has a paunch, too.  We just never see it because she wears such loose-fitting clothes.

I think I must have been a bit unclear in my wording. I wasn't saying she should go back to her pre-pregnancy body or weight, because unless you're a Hollywood star with a personal trainer and a lot of time on your hands that's very difficult and not even remotely necessary. Expecting women to bounce back from pregnancy as if nothing has happened to their bodies is absurd. What I am saying is that, judging by how her body appears at the moment, she is lacking muscle tone all over (you can see it in her arms, they're skinny but there is hardly any muscle), and that she would benefit from gaining said muscle tone around her core because that would make future pregnancies easier and put less strain on her body. Putting in a couple of hours at the gym every week could save her a lot of grief down the line.

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5 hours ago, Natalie68 said:

Duggars and hotpants!  BWAHHHH!!

 I had a pair when I was a kid.  And gogo boots.  It was awesome.  My friend told me I looked like Super Star Barbie!

Back in the day I had a leather jumper with orange fish net tights. Very trendy for a 10 yr old.

I love how Izzy is standing in his hipster picture. I'm hoping his knit hat didn't come from a thrift store but a worse alternative is that it came from the Duggar Community Closet. 

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5 minutes ago, Barb23 said:

Back in the day I had a leather jumper with orange fish net tights. Very trendy for a 10 yr old.

I love how Izzy is standing in his hipster picture. I'm hoping his knit hat didn't come from a thrift store but a worse alternative is that it came from the Duggar Community Closet. 

SWOON!  Seeing how orange is my favorite color I would have been VERY jealous!  

Since I used to be a hairdresser I get really skeeved out by used hats.  LICE!  To me its like wearing someone else's underwear.  Speaking of lice, wonder how many times that and scabies went through the house.  I was lucky we never had an outbreak in my school back in the day.  Could be that lice hadn't been invented yet.  It was a huge fear when I was doing hair though.  Especially at the beginning of a school year.

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