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S04.E17: Beach, Please


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Jax's girlfriend, Brittany, undergoes breast augmentation surgery; Lisa is faced with a big decision after James makes a scene at PUMP; Tom Sandoval removes the tattoo on his buttocks; Ariana makes a stunning statement at Katie's beach party.

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James says he is the white Kayne West. Take that in, everyone. Because it's funny for a lot of reasons.

Oh Ariana please shut up and way to ruin the day. Seriously. She is the worst.

Unlikely voice of reason this week: Jax. About James and his djing "career". You just need to play a song and not drink and yell at people. No one cares that you are " James Kennedy! " most people are probably like, "who?" Everything else jax is quite wrong about but this he is right about.

I'm pretty convinced all of these people are on drugs. They have to be.

Kristen almost went full psycho tonight, not quite 'getting a girl from Miami to confront Tom about cheating'

Next week is looking like the original girls together in plam springs? I'm there!

  • Love 4
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It's not so much that Arianna is the designated driver of the season, as it is she finds a moral superiority being it.

It feels akin to taking pride in being the most righteous serial killer.

Although, "I take sketch comedy very seriously", is just so wonderful.....

Edited by bosawks
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"I take Sketch comedy seriously!" Yes Ariana, your stunning performance reading your diary calling everyone lesbians was the height of sophisticated comedy.

 

 

I kinda loved that Lala sat around reading Ayn Rand.

 

I know. I love how Lala discovered this wonderful new hobby called "reading".

 

I love how Jax is still trying to convince people he is 36.

Edited by rustyspigot
  • Love 19
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LaLa is smart. She reads books about fountains!

 

Arianna is a serious sketch artiste. She takes her craft VERY seriously!

 

Schemer is almost as bad a sponsor as Frank Reynolds in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

 

Jax is a creep.

Edited by Ubiquitous
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I just don't even know where to start.

Lala. Reading The Fountainhead. It's about this guy who's an architect. And architecture. Didn't ya know? Other than that, she didn't irritate me tonight.

Ariana sucks balls. God, she's such a frikkin drag. I was totally team Kristen tonight. She's right, she's done some crazy stuff, but she has owned it.

I am a sap but I did like the Jax/Peter convo. Those rare moments are what differentiates him from colossal douchebag James. I know he won't ever change, but those times I reckon are what make his friends stick around.

Brittany....her Boobs were awesome to begin with (says the 48 yr old b cup). I think she's an idiot for being with him but I do have a soft spot for her. Probably the southerner in me (alabama).

Good ep.

Eta: I forgot Scheana. I want you to not get drunk so you can be there for MEEEEEEE! TYPICAL

Edited by mjstrick
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Question: Did LVP and Richardson actually speak about James in another language right in front of James? My daughter chose that exact moment to talk at me and I missed it. If they did though? LOL. This is why Lisa is the queen of everything. :)

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They spoke French! :-) I can't tell you what they talked about though, because I only half watch the show. I'm on the Internet and my head is down. Lol

Edited by Silo
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James says he is the white Kanye West. Take that in, everyone. Because it's funny for a lot of reasons.

Sooooo, James is unbelievably arrogant, broke, delusional, and potentially has a head trauma. Yeah, that sounds about right. He is the white Kanye.

"I take Sketch comedy seriously!" Yes Ariana, your stunning performance reading your diary calling everyone lesbians was the height of sophisticated comedy.

 

I know. I love how Lala discovered this wonderful new hobby called "reading".

I know Ariana takes comedy seriously, which is why she's not funny. The single funniest most amusing thing about Ariana is that she's so bad at this thing she professes to love. I don't think Kristen's friend, Rachel, is the most hilarious person ever, but she must be funnier than I realized because Ariana doesn't think Rachel is funny. I now have an inverse Ariana hilarity scale.

Ariana and Kristen's argument convinced me that Kristen has changed even a little. She was giving Ariana advice that Ariana has become sour and negative and to quit that shit.

Lala said "reading" like they don't have that word in her native language or on her home planet. Peter, do you know this word "reading?"

  • Love 5
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I think Katy looks pregnant (like she's in the early stages of pregnancy and trying to hide it for the show).  Big reveal next season?  I dunno.  When she and Tom were doing the beach photo shoot it looked like she had some type of spanx/girdle thingie under her swimsuit.  Red swimsuit with a black girdle underneath?  Then when the girls were shopping for lingerie Katy had a big handbag/tote strategically placed in front of her body (looked awkward, like she was purposely hiding her mid-section).

 

Katy was wearing that shapeless black cover up over her swimsuit and when the camera isn't filming her from the waist up her mid-sections is just so thick.  Maybe she has just gained weight but I doubt it.  I think Katy's preggers.

  • Love 3
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White Kanye realizes that Ken and Lisa are probably only footing the bill for his opus because it gives Max something to do, right?

 

Maybe Lala can read Lord of the Flies next, I heard it's about some boys camping.

 

"I take sketch comedy very seriously" might be the single greatest thing ever said on this show and there's been some doozies.  I used to like Ariana, but she's insufferable anymore.  

 

Of course Shay's drinking is all about Scheana and how it affects her.  If I had to hazard a guess it might actually be all about her, but in that he has to drink to put up with her, which probably isn't what she meant.

  • Love 8
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Unless she miscarried, Katie is not pregnant. Vanderpump Rules films from May to August. So even if she was pregnant during filming, she should be 6 - 7 months along now or full term. She is not. Second, we've seen her drinking all this season. If Katie is pregnant, she's pregnant with a food and beer baby.

  • Love 5
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Question: Did LVP and Richardson actually speak about James in another language right in front of James? My daughter chose that exact moment to talk at me and I missed it. If they did though? LOL. This is why Lisa is the queen of everything. :)

Yes, they spoke in French in front of James, which they should is know is very rude.

 

James says he is the white Kayne West. Take that in, everyone. Because it's funny for a lot of reasons.

DJ Muppet Baby is getting married to a vapid filthy (fame) whore? I must have missed that part.

 

How the heck is it going to take a year of laser treatments to remove Flatiron Tom's scarlet bacon letter from his arse? It looked nearly gone after his first treatment.

 

ETA:

I noticed Bravo is up to their scheduling tricks again. I didn't think this show was going to be on for two and half hours last night for a nanosecond, Satan Andy!

Edited by Ubiquitous
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Unless she miscarried, Katie is not pregnant. Vanderpump Rules films from May to August. So even if she was pregnant during filming, she should be 6 - 7 months along now or full term. She is not. Second, we've seen her drinking all this season. If Katie is pregnant, she's pregnant with a food and beer baby.

Katie had to defend herself against pregnancy rumors last year too. I said then that it looked like she'd just gained weight because I often put on weight and am accused of being pregnant too. But folks were adamant. "She doesn't look like she's gained weight; she's pregnant!" In my case, I just told people "Yes, you got me. Boy nothing gets past you, buddy. Give me a margarita and don't skimp on the tequila."

The irony of Tom telling Kristin that she's kissed everyone's ass after Ariana put her lips on his actual ass cheeks.

Brittany and Jax were on WWHL. Jax said the operation cost less than 10K but was coy about the actual cost. Brittany did more giggling than talking.

Edited by charmed1
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Ariana sucks balls. God, she's such a frikkin drag. I was totally team Kristen tonight. She's right, she's done some crazy stuff, but she has owned it.

OMG RIGHT?  Talk about a big sour puss.  Who gives a flying fuck who is doing sketch comedy or stand up or whatever?  Get over yourself.  I think she should worry more about why she is being such a buzz kill lately than what everyone else is doing.  I wonder if Tom is kicking his own ass for hooking up with her.  She was so "fun and cool" when they first got together and now she seems so bitter and jealous of everyone.  There is a reason for that...wonder if something is going on with him that has got her so suspicious and anxious?  

 

Jax - please stop telling us how you can't wait to put your face into Brit's new boobs.  Ugh.  Such an ass.  And wow what a gossip!  He is worse than a girl and couldn't wait to tell Kristin what Ariana had said (even though I'm glad he did) but dang - he sure didn't waste any time on that.

 

Anybody else think that while listening to Jax's speech of "I keep fucking up", Peter was doing some inner eye rolling? lol

 

I just can't with James and wish Lisa would fire him from the show completely.  What a total dick - "CAN I FINISH TALKING?"  Even the other guy Richardson looked at him like he was crazy!  White Kanye indeed!!

 

And one last thing - I think Katie is so pretty.  When they were visiting Brit and she had her hair up, glasses on and very little or no makeup, she is really a beautiful girl.  Now Katie don't fuck up my love for you by climbing back up Stassi's ass!  lol

 

Oh and ETA:  if Ariana is feeling like she is above all of this drama and pettiness - JUST GET OFF THE SHOW!  Phew..there, I feel better.

Edited by metalchik
  • Love 5
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Recognized what LVP and Richardson were speaking as French, but do not have enough of a command of the language to translate. My immediate thought was that LVP chose to use a language James would not understand so that Richardson could give her his complete, unadulterated POV on what went down without li'l muppet baby going ballistic and interrupting every other word. In this instance I took the switch to French as a survival technique whereas I would otherwise have considered it the height of rudeness.

  • Love 10
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Brittany and Jax were on WWHL. Jax said the operation cost less than 10K but was coy about the actual cost. Brittany did more giggling than talking.

Ugh, I was bored about Jax buying her fun bags during the show. I had no intention of watching them discuss it on WWHL.

  • Love 3
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Lingerie shopping - Scheana may pile on the makeup, but she has a really nice body. Ariana may be thin, but her body was all limp and lifeless. There is nothing sexy about that girl. Sorry, Tom. 

 

I find it hilarious that James is calling himself the white Kanye West. Not because it's so untrue, but because that's not really a compliment. I was glad Lisa stuck to her guns and sacked him from his DJ job. Go back to bussing, you douche. He could use a little humility in his life. Also, he looks like a frog when he cries. 

 

So I really want a job where I get paid to lazer people's drunken decisions off their ass. No, I really can't believe Ariana made him go through with that. Too bad Schwartz lost his butt tattoo buddy. 

 

Jax is so gross, all pressuring Brittany into an upgrade from what she really wanted. And I noticed that when the doc (who he supposedly gets LOTS of discounts from...just saying) walked in, Jax told him that he looked better every time he saw him. But post surgery all Britt gets is, "Hey Boobs McGee!" Jax is literally the last person I'd want taking care of me post-op. 

 

Scheana and Shay's conversations make me so uncomfortable. She is so controlling and he is so intimidated by her. She clearly wants to make ZERO changes to her lifestyle, but she expects him to be able to be around a bunch of people partying, just have two beers, and maintain a lively, but not embarrassing conversation. She does not get addiction. At. ALL. 

 

Lala is now reading Ayn Rand. I mean, Ann Rand. Bahahahahaha! That is seriously the funniest fucking thing I've heard on this show. The fact that she thinks it's about architecture tells me that after it was "given" to her, all she read was the Amazon blurb. 

 

I kind of loved Katie's Sandlot inspired (Squints!!!) engagement photo shoot, but Schwartz clearly didn't. She really needs to get over the mentality that she can just make him do whatever she wants. Sure, marriage is about compromise. But, to me, it sounds like she wants to plan everything they do to her specifications and he should just go along with it. Every time. Not going to end well. 

 

Finally! Kristen ditched the therapy pointers and got a bit heated. Love it! Ariana can go die in a ditch. Seriously, she's the worst. "I take sketch comedy very seriously". Maybe that's the problem. That girl is one talk, SHE is not funny at all. She is like a limp piece of toast. Sandoval really needs to ditch her, because I really do not think anyone likes her and she is going to ruin all his friendships. 

  • Love 7
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Ariana passes up buying a bra because "it's too girly." We get it Ariana. You're such a cool guy's girl, that even women's underwear belies your cool girl shtick. I would love to buy "girly" bras, but since I was 16, I've had the privilege of buying ugly ass polyester contraptions that look like they were made by the Taliban with straps as big as suspenders and only sold in 3 colors. Perhaps that will suit your rad non-girly tastes a little better.

  • Love 15
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Lala is now reading Ayn Rand. I mean, Ann Rand. Bahahahahaha! That is seriously the funniest fucking thing I've heard on this show. The fact that she thinks it's about architecture tells me that after it was "given" to her, all she read was the Amazon blurb. 

 

I can't wait until she moves on to "Atlas Shrugged" and starts questioning, with the utmost sincerity, everybody she meets with "Who is John Galt?".

  • Love 6
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Lala said "reading" like they don't have that word in her native language or on her home planet. Peter, do you know this word "reading?"

 

It was so hilarious, as if she'd never seen a book in her life. Next week - "Have you ever seen a stove?? I cook now. Do you know how to cook? I made eggs!"

 

Maybe Lala can read Lord of the Flies next, I heard it's about some boys camping.

 

And when she's done with that, she can try a little Harper Lee. She writes books about birds. I'm sure Lala loves birds. 

 

ETA:

I noticed Bravo is up to their scheduling tricks again. I didn't think this show was going to be on for two and half hours last night for a nanosecond, Satan Andy!

 

I really fucking hate when they do that, because it prevents me from being able to record both Teen Mom AND Better Call Saul at 9pm. 

 

Ariana passes up buying a bra because "it's too girly." We get it Ariana. You're such a cool guy's girl, that even women's underwear belies your cool girl shtick. I would love to buy "girly" bras, but since I was 16, I've had the privilege of buying ugly ass polyester contraptions that look like they were made by the Taliban with straps as big as suspenders and only sold in 3 colors. Perhaps that will suit your rad non-girly tastes a little better.

 

Ariana probably wears a wife beater and jock strap. 

  • Love 9
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Ariana passes up buying a bra because "it's too girly." We get it Ariana. You're such a cool guy's girl, that even women's underwear belies your cool girl shtick. I would love to buy "girly" bras, but since I was 16, I've had the privilege of buying ugly ass polyester contraptions that look like they were made by the Taliban with straps as big as suspenders and only sold in 3 colors. Perhaps that will suit your rad non-girly tastes a little better.

Eh, I hate bras with too much whickety-whack on them too. I don't mind if the bra itself is made of lace and stuff but I don't want any extras--I even snip off that stupid tiny bow that is sometimes attached right in the middle.

That said, this episode is the first time that I didn't think Ariana was perfectly fine and normal. I never saw all this "smug" and try-hard cool girl (maybe the latter a little bit), and I found her to be less of a train wreck than most of the others. But on the beach, oy. You know, I can get it if she legit didn't like the other chick's jokes or whatever. But the way she conveyed that really seemed to me to telegraph that she was just annoyed and insecure about other people doing "her thing," and maybe jealous a little. I mean, shit happens and people have irrational negative feelings all the time. But if you must express the thoughts--especially in a group of your peers--at least try to a bit less vicious and transparent about it. Just say, "It's really not my thing but good for them" or whatever. Voice the real snark at home with Tom.

I equate it to, say, if I snippily said that the actress playing Supergirl is fat just because my BF thinks she's pretty hot. It is plain to see she is not fat; not only would I be convincing no one of that, but I would also be making it clear that I was somehow threatened. (My BF does think she's hot; I have no issues with this because he's right.)

Edited by TattleTeeny
  • Love 7
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Ariana's attitude was so lame.

Scheana and Katie: "We saw Kristen do her sketch comedy last night."

Ariana: "it was awful."

S and K: "No, actually, it was kind of..."

A: "NO. It was awful. I am a trained professional and I know for a FACT it was awful because Kristen."

S and K: "But you weren't even there..."

A: [eyeroll] I'm SO TIRED of you people."

Ok, slight paraphrase, but that's how it came across to me. I've never seen a less funny "funny" person than her in that moment.

If she had actually seen the show she might have a right to an opinion about it. But beyond surprise that Kristen tried her hand at comedy, she didn't have much space to say anything. (If she'd just kept it to: "wow. Kristen and comedy. I bet THAT was awesome," it'd be one thing.) If you comment on something without experience, you have no credibility.

  • Love 12
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Eh, I hate bras with too much whickety-whack on them too. I don't mind if the bra itself is made of lace and stuff but I don't want any extras--I even snip off that stupid tiny bow that is sometimes attached right in the middle.

I hate bras period. And I would burn every single one of mine if it would spare me the back pain and under boob sweat that comes with having biguns' (Are you paying attention, Brittany?) But the bra Ariana rejected was a plain, simple, utilitarian, black bra. Nothing fancy or "girly" about it. She just had a case of try hard-itis.
  • Love 5
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Eh, who knows why she hated it. I don't know. It did look OK to me though, but kind of...bulky? Gave me a retro vibe, which I liked. 

I can deal with bras during the day. But what the hell is the weird phenomenon that the minute I get home from work, they're suddenly noticeably uncomfortable? It was fine just a minute ago but now it's just got to go! Same with jewelry (minus earrings and nose hoop--those stay in all the time). Get it off!

Edited by TattleTeeny
  • Love 4
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Aaaannnnnnd, we have one more hat thrown into the Redemption Tour ring.  Jax has just grown a temporary conscience. He's completed the hat trick.  I guess he realized that now's as good a time as ever to jump in on the production-forced Second Chances Parade.  Who knows - if he misses this opportunity, maybe James will decide to take a stab at his own tour and bump Jax out while he's in the clink, if that should ever happen.  

Edited by straightshooter
  • Love 1
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I don't care if speaking french is front of James is "rude" AT ALL. He had been unbelievably nasty and they are his bosses. He was in front of them to be contrite and apologize not to keep being an asshole. He should have been FIRED but I'll live with a demotion to buser. 

I'm sure Kayne West is shaking in  his boots that James Kennedy is his white counterpart. Right after he figures out that whole I'm Broke thing out. Oh wait..they are alike! LOL

Jax- If you pressure someone into have major surgery for YOU and they need help afterwards you so not get to complain! If they have any surgery and they LIVE with you, you do not get to complain. That's called a loving partnership dumb ass. And Bravo? I do not need to see anyone go potty ever again. Kay?

What giant gloomy bug crawled up Arianas butt? What a witch. And honey? That tattoo was not on YOUR ass. You don't get to tell people what to put on and take off there bodies. And why wasn't SHE at the tattoo removal? She wanted it off so dam bad she should have been there holding his hand. Bitch

Schena- Please go attend some AA meetings and get your eyes opened. It was apparent Shay had problems in Season 1. Ignoring it does not cure it.


ETA+ Yes i know there is no "cure". Should have said Ignoring it will not HELP

  • Love 2
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Eh, who knows why she hated it. I don't know. It did look OK to me though, but kind of...bulky? Gave me a retro vibe, which I liked.

I can deal with bras during the day. But what the hell is the weird phenomenon that the minute I get home from work, they're suddenly noticeably uncomfortable? It was fine just a minute ago but now it's just got to go! Same with jewelry (minus earrings and nose hoop--those stay in all the time). Get it off!

Shoes. Shoes are first; then the rest.

  • Love 4
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Shoes. Shoes are first; then the rest.

 

 

I didn't even mention that because, well, OF COURSE! I just sit my ass right down on the floor with the cats and pull them off ASAP.

Haha, when my feet get cold at home, I obviously put on socks. But without fail (and within a really short time), every single time, I end up pulling them off and throwing them on the floor next to the couch. My BF just looks at me like, "You just got up 10 minutes ago to get those."

Edited by TattleTeeny
  • Love 1
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As bad as the sketch comedy comment was (and it was bad/gold), I thought worse of the comment about her pretending to have fun with everyone. Don't do them any favors Ariana, just don't go if you don't like these people including your best friend. As annoying is I have always found Scheanna to be, she isn't wrong about Ariana and Tom though i'm not sure which of the two is the bigger douche. This really is the most self-centered group of people on TV. Except for Schwartz. I love Schwartz and think he seems like a genuinely good guy.

  • Love 5
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I wonder if Ariana is facing some depression issues. Kristen yelling at her that she was so sour and gloomy all the time was true, but reminds me of a time when an ex-friend of mine told me "well if you were happier and not so sad all the time you wouldn't have been cheated on!" Ouch. I struggled with depression for a long time and there were points in my life I couldn't be happy if I tried, and in fact I stopped accepting invitations to go out because I figured no one would want to hang out with me in such a state. (Vicious cycle, of course. I think anyone who's had depression and anxiety issues will be able to relate to this.) Same with Kristen's "she wakes up late and does nothing!" thing - could easily be a symptom of depression. Of course Ariana is on a show so she can't just quit and stop showing up. And that's not to handwave away the fact that she's been acting seriously holier-than-thou and it's not a good look on her - I'm just thinking there's more beneath the surface and her acting like that is her trying to hide away the fact that she's hurting.

  • Love 7
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Finally! Kristen ditched the therapy pointers and got a bit heated. Love it! Ariana can go die in a ditch. Seriously, she's the worst. "I take sketch comedy very seriously". Maybe that's the problem. That girl is one talk, SHE is not funny at all. She is like a limp piece of toast. Sandoval really needs to ditch her, because I really do not think anyone likes her and she is going to ruin all his friendships.

 Arianna's attitude aside, was this comedienne friend of Kristen the one we saw last season whose routine is based on her short time as Jax's girlfriend? I hate to defend Arianna, but I wasn't impressed with what they showed us.

 

And when she's done with that, she can try a little Harper Lee. She writes books about birds. I'm sure Lala loves birds.

You reminded me of this meme I felt I had to share:

deceitful-title.jpg

 

 

 

I just wish we had gotten to see James vs. Richardson. I love watching him freak out. Why was that not being filmed, Bravo minions??

They need something for the reunion and/or "lost footage" special?

  • Love 13
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I wonder if Ariana is facing some depression issues. Kristen yelling at her that she was so sour and gloomy all the time was true, but reminds me of a time when an ex-friend of mine told me "well if you were happier and not so sad all the time you wouldn't have been cheated on!" Ouch. I struggled with depression for a long time and there were points in my life I couldn't be happy if I tried, and in fact I stopped accepting invitations to go out because I figured no one would want to hang out with me in such a state. (Vicious cycle, of course. I think anyone who's had depression and anxiety issues will be able to relate to this.) Same with Kristen's "she wakes up late and does nothing!" thing - could easily be a symptom of depression. Of course Ariana is on a show so she can't just quit and stop showing up. And that's not to handwave away the fact that she's been acting seriously holier-than-thou and it's not a good look on her - I'm just thinking there's more beneath the surface and her acting like that is her trying to hide away the fact that she's hurting.

This is why I can't really fault Scheana in her texts to Ariana's mom. Something is off with Ariana and everyone including Kristen has noticed it. The thing I'll quibble with Scheana is that Tom is not rubbing off on Ariana. It's the other way around. Ariana needs to get into therapy. She obviously so much more unhappy this season and she should explore that with a professional. And Ariana is so wedded to this idea of cool girl Ariana that she's unwilling to share what's going on with her friends or family.

  • Love 3
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Brittany....her Boobs were awesome to begin with (says the 48 yr old b cup). I think she's an idiot for being with him but I do have a soft spot for her. Probably the southerner in me (alabama).

Same.  I want to dislike her because she's with JAX, but I just can't.  Maybe it's because I'm from Kentucky too.  I just think she's so cute.  

 

 

Recognized what LVP and Richardson were speaking as French, but do not have enough of a command of the language to translate.

That's why Bravo subtitled it for us!  I actually loved this conversation--it made Richardson super sexy and leaving DJ Muppet out of the loop by talking about him right in front of him was amazing.  

 

I loved when Lisa fired James and he said through tears "what am I going to do all day?"  Um, work on your resume? 

  • Love 3
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This episode proved to me that Muppet James and The Nugget really should be a couple.  They are equally delusional.  Muppet thinks he's the white Kanye White and the Nugget thinks she actually has a sense of humor to accompany her brilliant intellect.    For someone who is supposedly so secure and wrapped up in awesomeness, Nugget certainly is threatened by Kristen, isn't she?  Go, Kristen, go! 

 

I was surprised to hear on WWHL that Brittany is actually 27.  I would have pegged her around 21 or 22.  She is clearly just as skeezy as Jax, having no issue with the cameras being present while she's on the toilet. 

 

Please tell me I am not the only person who would be grossed out by my boyfriend using his friend's girlfriend as a barometer of what my breasts should look like. 

 

Why do all the chucklefucks need to be present for Katie and Schwartzie's engagement pics?  Can any of these numbskulls do ANYTHING by themselves?   (Although watching Schwartzie's reaction to Flat Iron's tattoo removal was the highlight of my day)

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