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S04.E11: Fully Engaged


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I thought of it as Jax taking a Jax.

I think that toilet's been "Jaxed".

 

It seems nearly everything Lala and James do and say seems to be for shock value to guarantee that they'll get more air time.  But Jax isn't having it. His whole "it's MY birthday and what I say goes" spiel at the bar was equally sad.  Or maybe even sadder considering he's got at least a decade in age on those tools.  It's not just that Jax doesn't want James to come to Hawaii because he doesn't like him.  He just doesn't want him to take away any unnecessary camera time. 

Not to mention "`make out` with LaLa" and "DJ Muppet Baby is a cast member of this show".

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Sure, it was because Stassi was being Stassi one too many times and Katies testiles finally dropped.... Stassi wasbeing disrespectful to katie, dismissive of katies feelings, chastising katie for not being her minion Ala Kristina, and giving katie a hard time for being friends with others that queen stassi deemed to be lowlifes. So she tried to give katie a hard time and katie snapped and stood up to her. Then instead of apologizing to katie, Stassi blew up on her and Katie told her to shut up and that she had enough of stassi. Stassi may have eventually realized she was wrong, but by then it was too late. Katie had been through enough for her to finally writ off stassi for good

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WTF!  Why was Jax shitting on my TV?  I had barely gotten over the horrible Vegas hijinx.  I might have to stop watching this show.

 

ETA:  How does James still manage to out gross Jax in an episode where Jax shits on TV?  The various faces he made in that "sexy and fun" montage at the end were so much worse than Jax on the toilet.  

 

There was other stuff to comment on, but I just want to erase this episode from my brain.

 

ETA again some more: I hope this Biff guy calls in to WWHL every Monday.  I love him.

 

Yeah, at first, I was thinking, producers, why in the fuckety fuck are you showing me Jax shitting?  It took me a while, but I finally got their point -- that Jax is the kind of asshole who will casually leave the bathroom door open while he shits in front of his "girlfriend".  Now, while I (and others here) and Miranda from Sex and the City think it's pretty rude behavior (to say the least), Brittany did not seem to object.  Or was she tolerating this to stay on TV?  Hmmmm.

 

OK producers, I get your point, but dammit, don't show me Jax shitting again, pretty please?

 

I can't wait for Stassi to show up, mostly cuz it looks like she's gonna get skewered, butchered & slaughtered, first by Lisa & then by who knows.  I think she looks kinda good.  Her hair color looks sorta neon blonde & yet it looks good.  Wait, so did my eyes deceive me or is Stass gonna be friendly to Lala -- a gal she woulda certainly dismissed before as a skank?  Is Stass that desperate to get back on the show?  YAY!

 

Don't Sandoval & Ariana realize the more they complain & eye roll at Kristen, the worse & stupider & more childish they look?  For someone who claims to be so brilliant & above it all, Ariana is still handling Kristen all wrong & she's showing too obviously how Kristen gets to her.  For all her pretensions of being the "cool gal", she ain't playing Kristen cool at all.  I'm not even saying Ariana is wrong for feeling the way she does about Kristen.  It's that she's working the Kristen situation all wrong.  So is Sandoval, but he's just so dumb in so many ways, that doesn't surprise me.

 

The thing is, Kristen hasn't changed.  She's still the same nutcase she always was.  But we're not seeing her lunacy much cuz she's at her nuttiest when she's in a relationship, which she isn't now.  And it is kinda fun watching Kristen hanging back & being nice (if maybe fakey nice), while Ariana & Sandoval have steam coming outta their ears & are giving her dirty looks & eyes rolls.  Well, gave me a giggle anyway.

 

Scheana, "joking" about Shay's issues with pills was probably not the best choice you could make.  Felt very, very uncomfortable to me.  Shay shot her an uncomfortable look & if there was a thought balloon over his head, it woulda surely said "Thanks a fuckin' lot, bitch!"

 

So watching Kristen & Sandoval smoking their brains out made me think -- if she's Cigarette Sally, is he Cigarette Sam?  Makes me think he must stank of cigarettes as badly as she does.

Edited by ScoobieDoobs
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When Stassi left last season, everyone was thrilled that she and her birthday, it's-a-national-holiday shenanigans were gone. I find it hilarious now that Jax and Sandoval are all now "It's our birthdays; we're going to Hawaii!" and making such a big deal out of it, and Jax was playing the "I can invite whoever I want to Hawaii because it's my birthday" card before he finally relented and magnanimously allowed James to come. Hypocrites.

 

I think they probably wanted to make JUST as big of a deal out of their birthdays as Stassi did. But that was HER thing. With her gone, let the drump trucks and sumo wrestling commence!

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When FI Tom revealed at a reunion that Jax leaves the door open when he drops a deuce, I totally believed him. So yeah, no need for the actual proof, show. And, no surprise that gross mofo didn't wash his hands afterwards. He and his apartment must smell like pure ass.

 

I took a picture of Kristen's face when Lala was talking about James. I just adore her. THE ABSOLUTE CONTEMPT.

Yes! Her stankface is forever golden.

 

So watching Kristen & Sandoval smoking their brains out made me think -- if she's Cigarette Sally, is he Cigarette Sam?  Makes me think he must stank of cigarettes as badly as she does.

​I don't think he ever took a draw off it, or if it was even really lit. Has he ever been shown with a cigarette before?

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Yes, Max has a history of drug abuse. They talked about it a little in the first season of RHOBH--Ken and Lisa sent him to a private school with a music program so he could focus on his talents (guitar, if I recall correctly) and be in a drug free environment. This was six years ago so he must have been 17 or so. 

All of Lisa and Ken's money that was spent to send Max to a private school really paid off we see. Six years later and he's been able to pull himself together enough to bus and waiting tables in their restaurant. Who can really say what would have become of Max if they hadn't sent him to a private music school? Who knows, he might have been busing and waiting tables in someone else's restaurant. But the burning question remains in my mind as to why Lisa and Ken as concerned about the reason he 'fainted' and smashed his mouth into something instead of being concerned that he might drink and do drugs in Hawaii?

 

I've got a replacement roll of toilet paper for Jax 'Gross-man', that and something to make the bathroom smell nice

 

cheese-grater-toilet-paper_f_improf_350x

poo-pourri-400.jpg

Edited by HumblePi
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James wouldn't dare take his bottoms off in Lisa's pool because (tee-hee) he has a tiny penis.

Well, to be fair, Lala just said that he couldn't fit in Magnums. Now, a small penis could still fit in a Magnum, so maybe she meant he is so HUGE that he can't fit into a Magnum...or her.

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​I don't think he ever took a draw off it, or if it was even really lit. Has he ever been shown with a cigarette before?

 

I don't think he has.  And that's what kinda struck me about that scene.  I don't remember him being a smoker, but maybe he tries not to let himself get caught smoking in front of cams -- kinda like Obama?  Or maybe he's given the cigs up or has cut down?  Well, he did live with Kristen for all those years, so it wouldn't surprise me if he is Cigarette Sam to her Cigarette Sally.  Idk if that's the case, but it fascinates (and annoys) me when people boast about being healthy (er, remembering his omelets that magically cured Shay of his various addictions) -- & smoke.  I've known too many who do this.

 

Ugh, James just doesn't wanna give up those tank tops, eh?  He wears those things even at the airport?  Man, all I see is skinny, flailing arms, bird chest & hairy armpits.  Nice look there, James.  When he said Jax was a dumbass, he coulda been describing himself -- not for wearing tank tops tho, just for who he is.

 

Can't say I have any interest in seeing Lala stripping down, but if it makes Scheana pea-green jealous cuz it focuses attention on Lala & drives it away from Scheana?  Well, then strip away in Hawaii, Lala.  I'd like to see Scheana angry, with steam comin' outta her ears.

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Jax being on the pot was totally gross!

But when I watched it, it looked like he was sitting on the toilet with the lid down, then it looked like the lid was up & then it was down again. Kinda weird :)

Or I could have been so traumatized, I just imagined it.

Edited by LovesLinus
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In case you missed it, here's the Previously.TV post on the episode!

 

Vanderpump Rules Takes A Pre-Vacation Siesta

Next week kicks off the gang's Hawaiian (mis-)adventure, so this week's episode functioned as the nap you take on the plane getting there.

Wonderful recap! Kadooz.

 

Yes to this: 

 

 

 

Tom Sandoval

I mean, he made it through that parking-lot conversation with Kristen without either weeping or having his voice jump seven octaves at once, so that's a win, I guess? He's another one where I have to concede him the argument on the merits. Kristen DID do a terrible thing to him. But if he really wants to have a birthday party without her around, maybe don't do co-birthday parties with the guy who banged her on your couch?

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Scoobie, I also noticed that Muppet Baby wears those damn tanks everywhere, even the airport.  I would be so grossed out if my seat partner was sporting one of those on a flight.  No thank you.  Of course I'd also be grossed out if I had to share a flight, any flight, with Muppet Baby and crew.

 

I missed the epi live last night and caught this while eating breakfast this morning.  Thank you, Bravo, for subjecting me to Jax and his bathroom habits while I was eating.  I guess that's one way to lose weight.  I knew Jax was skeevy and gross but clearly Brittany rides that train as well if she was perfectly okay with Jax taking care of business with the door open.  Look, it's one thing to do it when you live alone and you're by yourself but he and Brittany have been living together for a hot minute.  Gross.

 

I have absolutely no problem with Kristen making repeat appearances if we get to see Nugget's head almost blow off.   The Nugget is so impressed with herself she makes Phaedra Parks look positively bashful.  I get why Nugget wouldn't want to be besties with Kristen but her over the top reactions to her make me think it's more guilt and worry that Flat Iron will do the same to her.  She knows darn well and good what went down at the pool at the Golden Nugget and that Flat Iron was still with Kristen.  Karma is a bitch, honey. 

 

Frankly, I can't understand what Flat Iron sees in the Nugget.  She's not the cool girl she wants everyone to think she is.  She has a perma-stank face that would give StASSi a serious run for the money and seems aggravated by just about everything.  At least Kristen was fun when she wasn't being crazy.

 

Poor Max, that looked painful.  I too would want to know why he fainted.  He didn't look very happy that Lala, Muppet Baby and Faith were running around half naked in Lisa's pool. 

 

Muppet Baby needs to STFU in general.  I never thought I would type this but in this case, Team Jax.  I can't wait for Muppet to be put in his place.  He's not nearly as amazingly intelligent as he thinks he is.  After all, no one is as intelligent as the Nugget.  She said so herself.

 

Eh, I don't really care if StASSi comes back or not.  Although I do enjoy the thought of her groveling to Lisa.

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But the burning question remains in my mind as to why Lisa and Ken as concerned about the reason he 'fainted' and smashed his mouth into something instead of being concerned that he might drink and do drugs in Hawaii?

 

 

I don't think we've seen any proof that they aren't as concerned about why he fainted vs. going to Hawaii. Just because they don't discuss something in front of the cameras doesn't mean that they did not take it seriously or that the issue was not addressed.  Maybe it's a medical issue or a personal issue they don't want to make public. 

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Max and his accident...eek!

I have a friend who was drunk out of his mind. He decided to do a backwards jump onto his bed. Only he bounced off the bed and flipped over landing on his back on the floor. When he landed, it jarred him and he clamped down his teeth...only his lower lip got in the way. 2 of his lower teeth went through the bottom of his lower lip. It was gross the stitches he ended up with both inside and outside his lower lip.

Why did Max "faint" is this code for he was high/drunk out of his mind?

 

Lala is still putting herself with Jax because she wants to guarantee a next season for herself.

 

Jax relented in James coming on the trip - because the producers made him do it.

 

 

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I still can't stand Lala with her doll-eyes and "gosh I just can't seem to help all these words coming out of my mouth" character.

 

I still deliberately looked up a post that had a screencap of the pastie situation because I couldn't stop staring. Real, not real, I don't know: It was fascinating.

 

It's a pity she has to talk.

 

(Screencaps here plus a full spread review...as it were.)

 

I also thought Jax was first just sitting there with the toilet lid down, but then it became evident that THIS WAS NOT THE CASE. Keep the mystery alive a little longer, Jaxie boy! I consider myself lucky that we didn't hear any grunting, groaning, or plopping.

 

Bravo to Brittany for declaring she has to "talk to that girl." I salute her as she is about to die...oh, I'm sure it'll go much better than that. /s

 

It's an unenviable situation, but she must feel very secure in her relationship, no? Part of me wonders what would happen if instead she encouraged Jax to go for it in a "you just can't help your poor little self, darling" way. Would this reverse psychology work? Would it instead make for more weirdly entertaining TV?

 

That black Sur dress looked far better on Katie than that shapeless purple thing. 

 

James's armpit hair looks good with nothing. 

 

There was an early TH with Scheana where I swear I not only saw a wrinkle appear during an odd squint (on her cheek between her eye and nose), but she suddenly looked 20 years older. Then it disappeared. Reverse Dorian Grey moment, maybe. Freaked me the hell out and all I was doing was trying to eat my spaghetti.

 

I too have caught the SUR amnesia and am glad to see Stassi coming back, if only to see all the re-alliances and shiftings and uncomfortable non-wrinklings of troubled foreheads. 

 

And did James really say to Kristen that he'd never stopped loving her? PLEASE GOD, KRISTEN, RUN AWAY. 

 

I need to stop watching this show. But I can't seem to.

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Well, to be fair, Lala just said that he couldn't fit in Magnums. Now, a small penis could still fit in a Magnum, so maybe she meant he is so HUGE that he can't fit into a Magnum...or her.

Ya think? I have the feeling that Lala wouldn't have a problem with anyone fitting. Too grand for a Magnum?  Nah.

 

I don't understand why Lisa fired James back in November for allegedly stealing drinks from SUR and drinking on the job when Jax openly stole a good bottle of vodka in this episode and admitted to having stolen other bottles of liquor from Lisa's restaurant?

Edited by HumblePi
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Scoobie, I also noticed that Muppet Baby wears those damn tanks everywhere, even the airport.  I would be so grossed out if my seat partner was sporting one of those on a flight.  No thank you.  Of course I'd also be grossed out if I had to share a flight, any flight, with Muppet Baby and crew.

 

Yeah, makes me wonder if he stinks like hell in those tanks.  Haven't all the dudes on this show mentioned being smelly at some point(s) or another?  No, I wouldn't wanna be stuck sitting next to any of 'em on a plane.  Now, could Jax shit on a plane & keep the door open?  Or do plane toilets not function without closing & locking?  Sorry, I don't know -- cuz I never thought of actually doing this, but I'm sure Jax would if he could.  What a charmer, that Jax.

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Ya think? I have the feeling that Lala wouldn't have a problem with anyone fitting. Too grand for a Magnum?  Nah.

 

I don't understand why Lisa fired James back in November for allegedly stealing drinks from SUR and drinking on the job when Jax openly stole a good bottle of vodka in this episode and admitted to having stolen other bottles of liquor from Lisa's restaurant?

 

Or a few eps back during gay pride when Jax was obviously drunk and high behind the bar and Lisa laughed it off. She (and Andy) seem to have this weird affinity for Jax that I don't understand at all. 

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This episode.. Arainia is lord, an even worse party guest than the girl who sings that new radio hit song "here" in which she complains about being at a party. 

Except... I love the song "Here" whereas I don't love Ariana

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I'm so over Lala and her flip flopping. One week she doesn't care that Jax has a girlfriend, then she's a girl's girl and would never do that. 

 

I closed the door on liking Lala as soon as she talked about the size of James' genitals. Same for Schaena as she dished the same information to Jax et el. That's so immature, and embarrassing for other women. I have often redirected men who moan that women only care about genital size. I shake my head and tell them that we women are about so much more than that. But nooooo, Lala throws shade on us all when she states she didn't sleep with James because of his penis size (or lack thereof). Give me a break!!!

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Brace yourselves because if they all (with exception of Ariana and Sandoval) are forgiving Kristin for being a bunny boiling phsyco, then why wouldn't they all forgive Stassi? I don't think my heart or brain can take it. 

OMG THIS!!  Yeah we see her groveling, apologizing and crying BUT I bet by the end of the season they are all friends again.  I HATE Stassi and for the love of all that is good and Holy I pray that Katie stays strong and refuses to forgive her.

 

James - of COURSE he has a little penis and ewwww, that was a visual I did not need but am not the least bit surprised to learn.  Yuck - he is probably one of the grossest guys on any show I watch.

 

Lala - (who names their child this?) she is ridiculous.  Not a bad looking girl but she really is playing the slut card way too hard.  I wonder if her parents are proud of her actions on this show?

 

Tom/Ariana/Kristen - I've said it before, I LOVE Tom (such a cutie to me!) however, I agree with the other posters who said that in no way would I want my ex coming on a trip with me.  Yeah Kristen seems to be redeeming herself this season but lest we forget all the bullshit that's been said/done in past seasons.  Don't get me wrong, I like Kristen way better than sourpuss Ariana but I still would find it hard to forgive and hang out with her.  And yeah Ariana - yeah you fucked around with someone else's man - so yeah that tends to make a girl a little crazy - try to be open about how you would feel if the tables were turned.  These three are just a hot mess.  

 

Scheana - good God woman - could you possibly gossip and tattle any harder?  Sheesh.

 

And it has to be said again - Fuck Stassi!  I don't want to see her spoiled, unaware, entitled ass on my screen!  I had actually stopped watching in the past b/c of her!  Bravo- if you must, bring her on, let everyone rip her a new one, and send her on her way!!

 

I still am amazed at myself for watching this damn show. :-)

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This exchange when Kristen returns from Apology Tour to a judgy table might (sadly) be the brightest-shining moment of humanity and kindness out of any VR episode, ever --

Schwartz, sheepishly:  "I ate one of your potatoes."

Kristen, smiling:  "You can have another one if you want."

 

Doute has never looked as lovely as she did arriving at Katie's to congratulate her and admire the ring.

 

And I think James will be very handsome when he grows up. 

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Did James really say on the previews for next week that he's still in love with Kristen?

That is what "they" want us to believe...but i have a feeling it is just the editing monkeys at work. He is probably saying that he believes that is what SHE thinks and they have edited it too look like that...but we shall see

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To be fair, probably 98% of men are fine with regular size condoms. It doesn't mean they all have tiny dicks. Not that I've had sex with 98% of men. Only, like, 95%. And anyway, I imagine with regards to large condoms "it doesn't fall off" qualifies as "it fits" in a lot of guys' minds. 

Edited by The Mighty Peanut
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Well, to be fair, Lala just said that he couldn't fit in Magnums. Now, a small penis could still fit in a Magnum, so maybe she meant he is so HUGE that he can't fit into a Magnum...or her.

Are Magnums sppsd to be large condoms? I thought they were the same as the others.

 

Jax being on the pot was totally gross!

But when I watched it, it looked like he was sitting on the toilet with the lid down, then it looked like the lid was up & then it was down again. Kinda weird :)

Or I could have been so traumatized, I just imagined it.

Thank your mind for trying to protect you from seeing what was in the toilet. :-)

 

So Max fell face first into the tv in his bathroom? What's that all about?

Yeah, I wondered if there was more to the story...

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To be fair, probably 98% of men are fine with regular size condoms. It doesn't mean they all have tiny dicks. Not that I've had sex with 98% of men. Only, like, 95%. And anyway, I imagine with regards to large condoms "it doesn't fall off" qualifies as "it fits" in a lot of guys' minds.

Haha...so true. A good friend of mine was with a girl who insisted that he wear Magnum condoms even though he knew they were too big. She insisted that it would feel better because it was looser. Absolutely insane. They are significantly larger than regular condoms...however Peanut is right. A regular condom is fine for most men. What you are working with is more than fine if a regular condom fits you...if you fit into one of those latex finger covers, then you are in trouble. I believe there are Magnum and Magnum XL condoms which are sizes large, and ludicrous respectively

Edited by bblancobrnx
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 Now, could Jax shit on a plane & keep the door open?  Or do plane toilets not function without closing & locking?  Sorry, I don't know -- cuz I never thought of actually doing this, but I'm sure Jax would if he could.  What a charmer, that Jax.

Agreed. IMO Jax would do anything and I mean anything to get people talking about him, ha, the alpha male! Hence him sitting on the toilet, and what are we all doing? Talking about him! He is probably reading all of this with a huge smile on his face. Counting the times we mention his name.

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Brace yourselves because if they all (with exception of Ariana and Sandoval) are forgiving Kristin for being a bunny boiling phsyco, then why wouldn't they all forgive Stassi? I don't think my heart or brain can take it.

Because Stassi is probably still a condescending asshole.

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Why did Max "faint" is this code for he was high/drunk out of his mind

 

That was seriously my first thought. I don't think it's all that common for young, healthy people to just randomly faint in the bathroom. 

 

I don't understand why Lisa fired James back in November for allegedly stealing drinks from SUR and drinking on the job when Jax openly stole a good bottle of vodka in this episode and admitted to having stolen other bottles of liquor from Lisa's restaurant?

 

I couldn't figure out if Jax was legit stealing this time or not. There are two different bars at SUR, so it's possible "steal a bottle" just  meant take one from one bar to the one he was working at. On the other hand, I couldn't get my eyes off of the way he seemed to be trying to conceal the bottle when Lisa walked up. Why would he steal so openly on camera, though???? THESE are the things we need to get to the bottom of!

 

Also wondering why he has a tv in his bathroom.

 

Because he's rich?

 

When I was a kid I performed in a travelling production of A Christmas Carol. We stayed at a Hyatt in Columbus, OH that had a TV and phone in the bathroom. How I loved watching the toob while taking a bath. I thought it was so decadent! 

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I'm pretty sure that toilet was closed, (because it's so much better to PRETEND to take a dump on tv?) I remember Stassi talking about Jax's horrible breath and BO ...I've never been able to look at him since without thinking "He must stink".

I thought it was closed too but he had his pants down, so it still doesn't make any sense.

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That was seriously my first thought. I don't think it's all that common for young, healthy people to just randomly faint in the bathroom. 

 

 

I've always had really low blood pressure and would get dizzy when standing up too quickly.  One time I straightened up too quickly after shaving my legs and the normal low blood pressure combined with the heat of the shower caused me to faint and fall out of the shower.  I hit my head on the toilet.  It was pretty ridiculous.  I was in high school and still living at home and my mom freaked out and made me get a ton of tests done.  After that I learned to be more careful.  I'm not saying that's what happened to Max though.  I do hope it is something innocuous, but odds are it was probably debauchery related.

 

My question is has he moved back in with Lisa and Ken?  I'd assume that he was just staying there while recuperating, but there was the whole thing where he didn't even have electricity at his apartment due to not paying the bill, and I don't see bathroom TVs happening in that situation.

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Max clearly was under the influence of something and nodded out. If he had actually "fainted", he would have been taken to the hospital to find out why he fainted and been sent home with at least a tentative diagnosis. The fact that everyone seemed relatively unconcerned with him fainting out of nowhere screams drug/alcohol use. And with this group, that's no great surprise.

And he has a bathroom TV because his mummy and daddy are rich.

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I was so annoyed by almost everything in this episode. Scheeeaaanaaa's voooocaaalll fry, Kristen's tongue lathering all the assholes to scratch her way back into the group, James' pathetic begging to go to Hawaii, and then....Jax's laissez faire dump. I don't know if I can recover from this.

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Did I hear Schena, when saying that Max got some good pain killers from his dentist, tell Shay he couldn't have any of them?

What a bitch!

She is fascinating. The sheer level of narcissism! The unbelievable lack of empathy! No sign of self awareness whatsoever! That vapid psycho is worthy of a case study.

Oh, and what you said. What a bitch!

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I don't think he has.  And that's what kinda struck me about that scene.

​Me, too. It was odd, like the cig was just a prop to facilitate his scene with Kristen.

 

Didn't Kristen say James is more hung than Tom? Ouch.

 

 

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