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Small Talk: The Polygamous Cul-de-Sac


Message added by Scarlett45

 I  understand the fear, concern, heartbreak, and stress in this current situation. I ask that we please remember the politics policy. Keep politics, political references, and political figures (past and present) out of the discussion.

Stay safe and healthy. 

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35 minutes ago, TurtlePower said:

What’s going on with eggs? 

Back in October my sister mentioned that eggs where hard to get in NJ, I hadn't had any issues where I live but I went to the grocery store yesterday and a dozen eggs were 6.99, I have never paid that much. Just wondering if it is a national crisis (i kid) but dang

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Eggs were in very short supply here a couple of years ago.  I was able to get a subscription for eggs and chicken with a farmer about ten miles away.  His eggs were from $7 to $8 then.  The supply chain settled and people began shopping in stores and he went back to selling to the more specialty stores like Whole Foods.  Now, however, I see Smart and Final store brand eggs the same price as Eggland's Best.  There used to be at least a $2 price differential.  Eggs are plentiful on the shelves here, but the pricing is out of balance.  My chicken farmer's eggs are up to $9 to $9.50 a dozen now. 

Edited by Absolom
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48 minutes ago, Absolom said:

Eggs were in very short supply here a couple of years ago.  I was able to get a subscription for eggs and chicken with a farmer about ten miles away.  His eggs were from $7 to $8 then.  The supply chain settled and people began shopping in stores and he went back to selling to the more specialty stores like Whole Foods.  Now, however, I see Smart and Final store brand eggs the same price as Eggland's Best.  There used to be at least a $2 price differential.  Eggs are plentiful on the shelves here, but the pricing is out of balance.  My chicken famer's eggs are up to $9 to $9.50 a dozen now. 

True.  I just went to Walmart Saturday, 1 dz eggs were $3.39, I just checked online and they are now $5.23.  There has for the past few months, been a wild up and down on the prices.  3 weeks ago I bought an 18 pack of the store brand cage free eggs for $5.19.

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I just saw $9 a dozen eggs in my market today.  I couldn't believe the price. Back when I was selling my eggs and had to raise the price (to $2 doz) to offset the huge jump in feed price I had my husband's cousin screaming at me for "ripping him off" because Walmart's eggs were $1...however at that time I was always on top of local prices and they had increased their prices to $2.50... 🙄 He was the "not the sharpest tool in the shed" type of person and proved it when he told me ALL of my eggs are FREE !! Yep. chickens don't cost anything to buy, house or feed... 🙄

And yes, Avian flu and a few other diseases are ripping through both commercial and backyard chicken farmers/keepers. It does make me second guess my decision to not continue with chickens because I was tired of waking up at night with a variety of local creatures trying to get to the birds, and then the birds themselves doing their best to destroy my gardens by day.

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On 1/9/2023 at 4:04 PM, Roslyn said:

I just saw $9 a dozen eggs in my market today.  I couldn't believe the price. Back when I was selling my eggs and had to raise the price (to $2 doz) to offset the huge jump in feed price I had my husband's cousin screaming at me for "ripping him off" because Walmart's eggs were $1...however at that time I was always on top of local prices and they had increased their prices to $2.50... 🙄 He was the "not the sharpest tool in the shed" type of person and proved it when he told me ALL of my eggs are FREE !! Yep. chickens don't cost anything to buy, house or feed... 🙄

And yes, Avian flu and a few other diseases are ripping through both commercial and backyard chicken farmers/keepers. It does make me second guess my decision to not continue with chickens because I was tired of waking up at night with a variety of local creatures trying to get to the birds, and then the birds themselves doing their best to destroy my gardens by day.

First they were telling us it was the gas prices that drove up egg prices.  Now it's the avian flu.  What's next?  I don't doubt these things are happening but it does seem excessive when the same eggs at my market that were $1.50 a year ago are now $5.98.  It seems like lately we're always getting excuses for huge price increases and I hate to say that starts to register on my BS meter after a while.  I saw eggs today for $12.98 near me.  Granted they were organic but seriously, that's out of control.  

Edited by Yeah No
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On 1/6/2023 at 11:38 AM, TurtlePower said:

Long-ish vent below:

 I don’t have many friends due to social anxiety, awkwardness and autism. It’s hard for me to make friends as I’m painfully aware people sometimes see me as strange or eccentric. But, there are 2 friends I’m pretty close with. And one of them is a major braggart and it’s starting to get to me, so much so that I’m having a hard time feeling happy for her when she brags. My other close friend is more humble, so when she shares an accomplishment on social, I’m super happy for her (because she’s not full of herself and doesn’t need constant validation). 

For example — both friends have recently earned degrees. Friend one kept us *constantly* posted on her grades, her workload, and my gosh how did she have time to handle her full time job too 🙄?!? The other friend simply shared when she got her degree. I was happier for friend 2 because she didn’t brag her way through her program, she just did it. 

Friend one has gotten on a lot of peoples’ nerves. She doesn’t seem to notice that the more she brags, the fewer likes she gets. Every little thing she does, she brags about. People get sick of it, sick of her and she then complains “why don’t people like me”.  I don’t know how to tell her it’s because she talks about herself constantly and brags too much about every little thing like she’s 4 years old. She’s a 40 years old woman who has a good career, is smart and can be compassionate but constantly seeks attention on social media.

We’ve been friends for over a decade and I’ve stood by her through her worst times, but I’ve about had it. She also seems to have forgotten I exist unless she contacts me to brag about something she’s done or tell me about something she’s acquired. She never just asks how I’m doing (which I’ve done for her her here and there just to see how she is but I get ignored, unless there’s something she has to brag about). 

I just had to vent this. My social media is deactivated so I can take a mental health break from it all. Friend one, who claims to be a champion of mental health and suicide prevention, hasn’t even noticed I’m gone (don’t worry, not thinking about that, just kind of feeling lonely, disregarded and sick of social media bragging in general). I’ve read that braggarts often have poor self esteem and must brag to feel better, but I’m sick of it. A lot of people are sick of it. And she doesn’t “get” it, that she puts people off by her bragging and that we’d be much happier for her accomplishments if she’d stop over-sharing them.

I hear you.  This is one reason I'm not active on social media that much.  I got tired of everyone from my HS class kvelling about everything in their lives, especially their kids and their fantastic overseas vacations.  At first it was fun to keep track of everyone and I enjoyed seeing them happy with their lives and loved ones, but then it got to be like a competition for whose life was better and it just got too obnoxious for me.  Although that's not the only reason I avoid social media, there are many.  It's one of those "rabbit hole" things that if you go too far down it you end up either disgusted with your own life or  everyone else or both.  I know a few friends that have deactivated their SM accounts for a while because of this and others that do so periodically on a regular basis.  I don't blame them but I don't want to be them either.  So I just don't go on it that much anymore.

I know I'm going to probably sound like the older person that I am, but I think we were all much happier and liked people better when we didn't know as much about our friends, relatives and acquaintances.  I think a little knowledge and interaction is good, but too much is actually counter to the ideal purpose of being in touch with everyone.

 

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On 1/9/2023 at 4:04 PM, Roslyn said:

I just saw $9 a dozen eggs in my market today.  I couldn't believe the price. Back when I was selling my eggs and had to raise the price (to $2 doz) to offset the huge jump in feed price I had my husband's cousin screaming at me for "ripping him off" because Walmart's eggs were $1...however at that time I was always on top of local prices and they had increased their prices to $2.50... 🙄 He was the "not the sharpest tool in the shed" type of person and proved it when he told me ALL of my eggs are FREE !! Yep. chickens don't cost anything to buy, house or feed... 🙄

And yes, Avian flu and a few other diseases are ripping through both commercial and backyard chicken farmers/keepers. It does make me second guess my decision to not continue with chickens because I was tired of waking up at night with a variety of local creatures trying to get to the birds, and then the birds themselves doing their best to destroy my gardens by day.

I grew up in the country where everyone had cows and chickens and desperately want chickens in my life. We’ve been looking at it for a while but we need to finally settle closer to home in an area that suits our needs for retirement (the country, few people, some land, decent soil, hills, streams). 

I want to build a giant fortress for chickens, where they can run around and forage cage free, yet be protected from land and sky. So Many people have chickens nowadays, even on Long Island I see them running around back yards. Guinea hens too. 

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10 hours ago, Yeah No said:

First they were telling us it was the gas prices that drove up egg prices.  Now it's the avian flu.  What's next?  I don't doubt these things are happening but it does seem excessive when the same eggs at my market that were $1.50 a year ago are now $5.98.  It seems like lately we're always getting excuses for huge price increases and I hate to say that starts to register on my BS meter after a while.  I saw eggs today for $12.98 near me.  Granted they were organic but seriously, that's out of control.  

I bought eggs at Fred Meyer on Tuesday.  $2.59, which is downright cheap compared to the prices cited on the forum.  We use a lot of egg whites, and they're close to 6 bucks now.

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Just fixed me some fried eggs from an 18 pack that was dated 12/26/22.  I think I paid $5 for them.  They are still good.  

Was reading on another site that someone was complaining about the cost of a dozen eggs they were $7.  Their family eats a dozen every day, 🤯  Well that's over $210 a month.  I think I would find a cheaper option for breakfast every day.  Plus no one needs to be eating eggs everyday.

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19 hours ago, Pickleinthemiddle said:

Just fixed me some fried eggs from an 18 pack that was dated 12/26/22.  I think I paid $5 for them.  They are still good.  

Was reading on another site that someone was complaining about the cost of a dozen eggs they were $7.  Their family eats a dozen every day, 🤯  Well that's over $210 a month.  I think I would find a cheaper option for breakfast every day.  Plus no one needs to be eating eggs everyday.

At that point that should just keep chickens, if they have a yard. Or purchase them on sale, make a huge scramble and freeze it for future uses. 

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On 1/12/2023 at 2:16 AM, Yeah No said:

I know I'm going to probably sound like the older person that I am, but I think we were all much happier and liked people better when we didn't know as much about our friends, relatives and acquaintances.  I think a little knowledge and interaction is good, but too much is actually counter to the ideal purpose of being in touch with everyone.

1,000%.  My daughter grew up with social media and I cannot express how awful it was some days for her to see what her friends were doing where she was not included.  This was 10 years ago and it still hurts my heart, even though none of those same girls are currently in her life now.

As I am also old, I do not understand the wisdom of posting on social media that you are enjoying your vacation in Greece or Hawaii in real time, especially those people with 1,000+ friends.  

Give me back my Dewey decimal system and my rotary phone and having to walk over to a friend's house to see if they can play outside (or have a margarita, at this point in my life).

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On 1/14/2023 at 12:13 PM, Pickleinthemiddle said:

Just fixed me some fried eggs from an 18 pack that was dated 12/26/22.  I think I paid $5 for them.  They are still good. 

America's Test Kitchen did a test of eggs on a recent episode, and they were fine even after four months.  The egg whites didn't whip up as well as they should, so they said don't use them for a souffle, but for eating, they're fine.

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12 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

America's Test Kitchen did a test of eggs on a recent episode, and they were fine even after four months.  The egg whites didn't whip up as well as they should, so they said don't use them for a souffle, but for eating, they're fine.

People throw too much good food away. Those use by dates don't mean too much. One friend throws yogurt away on the day of the use by!  Also anything else with a date. I suggested googling for what that means but she is convinced she will be poisoned if it is the next day. Same with medications. The armed forces stockpiles a lot of things and after testing determined which are suitable for  long term storage. Can't imagine them doing a clean sweep of inventory every year!!

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16 hours ago, laurakaye said:

1,000%.  My daughter grew up with social media and I cannot express how awful it was some days for her to see what her friends were doing where she was not included. This was 10 years ago and it still hurts my heart, even though none of those same girls are currently in her life now.

As I am also old, I do not understand the wisdom of posting on social media that you are enjoying your vacation in Greece or Hawaii in real time, especially those people with 1,000+ friends.  

Give me back my Dewey decimal system and my rotary phone and having to walk over to a friend's house to see if they can play outside (or have a margarita, at this point in my life).

This. Additionally, it feels like social media is just a way to make everyone else feel bad. Most people don’t even know they’re doing it — I used to, until someone pointed out to me that what I was doing was highly annoying and off-putting (years ago, posting way too much about runs and workouts). It was pissing people off and they were “fucking sick of it”.

Ouch, at first. Then I saw it — lightbulb turned on in my head, because other peoples’ posts sometimes annoyed ME. So, I stopped doing that after admitting to myself it was unnecessary and was making people hate me. It was due to insecurity, which still exists in me, but I’ve stopped seeking validation on social to remedy it. Working out is still my thing but I rarely post on it anymore. That truth from that one person (who also over-shared her workouts and lost followers/friends) turned out to be a gift. 

Interestingly, there are even types of most annoying social media personalities, with bragging/humble bragging being one of the most annoying: 

https://madamenoire.com/1213118/braggart/amp/

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On 1/17/2023 at 8:37 AM, lookeyloo said:

People throw too much good food away. Those use by dates don't mean too much. One friend throws yogurt away on the day of the use by!  Also anything else with a date. I suggested googling for what that means but she is convinced she will be poisoned if it is the next day. Same with medications. The armed forces stockpiles a lot of things and after testing determined which are suitable for  long term storage. Can't imagine them doing a clean sweep of inventory every year!!

I forget where I read or heard this (it could have been America's Test Kitchen) but those dates are not for safety but for freshness, meaning that it's when they think an item goes past it's optimal taste and texture.  I've been known to use yogurt for smoothies two months past the expiration date and it's just fine.

Speaking of eggs, I just got extra large eggs at Whole Foods for only $3.79.  That's the cheapest I've seen anywhere in a long time.  Ironic given how expensive "Whole Paycheck" is.  Although a lot of their 365 brand is usually pretty reasonable.  And sometimes they have good sales on organic fruits and vegetables.

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  11 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

This. Many people are poorly informed on autism. Until recently (last decade or so), girls were under-diagnosed because their traits tend to differ from the traits of boys on the spectrum. Often, girls are told they have anxiety or OCD or that they’re just emotional, when it could be those things also linked to autism and the difficulties navigating a neurological disorder.

JMO as an autistic person, but I don’t always see it as a “disability”. I’m very gifted in some areas including quick and unconventional problem solving, and I sometimes view it as evolution. The world is too “loud”, noisy and aggressive and my brain operates very well in certain environments.

Maybe the neurotypicals are the ones who are “off” with their shouting and bright, noisy spaces. 😂 

Expand  

---------------------------------- My reply below:

I think we (as a species) will evolve in this direction as well. Hopefully more people will come to recognize it. 

Although I am not on the spectrum, I have a VERY difficult time with noise and have trauma associated with noise, to the point of having had a breakdown when living above noisy neighbors.

I have two acquaintances who are on the spectrum. One is very smart but has difficulty with  executive function/making wise choices yet somehow has managed to stay afloat despite a gambling addiction (he loses at casino games but is skilled at poker) and propensity to "elope" - constantly fleeing to greener poker pastures. But he has never had parental support and was raised by an evangelical Christian, which certainly warped his worldview. He updates about his win/loss on a blog and is generally pretty honest - particularly when he has a huge slot machine loss.

The other is a young man, friend of a friend, who wrote  musical about his experiences growing up. I saw a staged reading of it and it was really good. I don't know what he is doing now (our mutual friend died and I haven't kept up with facebook) but his parents were extremely supportive and as a result, he received the attention/interventions or whatever the term is, necessary to learning how to function as well as possible in the neurotypical world.

I hope more people come to recognize that many math/engineering/science people have been / are on the spectrum as well.

Ted talk over.

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1 hour ago, Teafortwo said:

  11 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

This. Many people are poorly informed on autism. Until recently (last decade or so), girls were under-diagnosed because their traits tend to differ from the traits of boys on the spectrum. Often, girls are told they have anxiety or OCD or that they’re just emotional, when it could be those things also linked to autism and the difficulties navigating a neurological disorder.

JMO as an autistic person, but I don’t always see it as a “disability”. I’m very gifted in some areas including quick and unconventional problem solving, and I sometimes view it as evolution. The world is too “loud”, noisy and aggressive and my brain operates very well in certain environments.

Maybe the neurotypicals are the ones who are “off” with their shouting and bright, noisy spaces. 😂 

Expand  

---------------------------------- My reply below:

I think we (as a species) will evolve in this direction as well. Hopefully more people will come to recognize it. 

Although I am not on the spectrum, I have a VERY difficult time with noise and have trauma associated with noise, to the point of having had a breakdown when living above noisy neighbors.

I have two acquaintances who are on the spectrum. One is very smart but has difficulty with  executive function/making wise choices yet somehow has managed to stay afloat despite a gambling addiction (he loses at casino games but is skilled at poker) and propensity to "elope" - constantly fleeing to greener poker pastures. But he has never had parental support and was raised by an evangelical Christian, which certainly warped his worldview. He updates about his win/loss on a blog and is generally pretty honest - particularly when he has a huge slot machine loss.

The other is a young man, friend of a friend, who wrote  musical about his experiences growing up. I saw a staged reading of it and it was really good. I don't know what he is doing now (our mutual friend died and I haven't kept up with facebook) but his parents were extremely supportive and as a result, he received the attention/interventions or whatever the term is, necessary to learning how to function as well as possible in the neurotypical world.

I hope more people come to recognize that many math/engineering/science people have been / are on the spectrum as well.

Ted talk over.

Noise gets me soooo much. I hear EVERYTHING and cannot easily tune it out. Grocery stores can be the worst, with too-bright lights (requiring sunglasses indoors), loud music, annoying announcements and commercials, the noise of carts rolling down the aisle, kids crying, people using their carts as a means to bulldoze you……I hate all of it. However, my issues with sound has made me a good musician with perfect pitch and an ability to be a human metronome and timekeeper (and earned me a piano performance scholarship). I’m also often asked to listen if something is wrong with a machine or engine. 

 

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Okay thank you for making me not feel so alone with the noise thing. I have also had breakdowns over loud neighbors. I’ve tried to explain it to my husband as like Chinese water torture, but with sound - that’s how it feels to my brain. 
 

And of course I have a brother who can’t stand silence. Growing up was fun. Lol. 

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9 hours ago, Ladystardust said:

Okay thank you for making me not feel so alone with the noise thing. I have also had breakdowns over loud neighbors. I’ve tried to explain it to my husband as like Chinese water torture, but with sound - that’s how it feels to my brain. 
 

And of course I have a brother who can’t stand silence. Growing up was fun. Lol. 

Sound, particularly music, calms me. 

But feel is hard. Raw potatoes, newsprint and dryer lint are really difficult for me to touch.

I also get dizziness/vertigo very easily. 

 

Edited by Ms.Lulu
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9 hours ago, Ms.Lulu said:

Sound, particularly music, calms me. 

But feel is hard. Raw potatoes, newsprint and dryer lint are really difficult for me to touch.

I also get dizziness/vertigo very easily. 

 

Same. If there’s spaces between steps where I see down, I get vertigo. Treadmills, second floor windows and driving along mountain roads give me vertigo.

In an airplane though? Perfectly fine. Even a small, bouncy one going around in circles and banking it’s fine. It’s so strange. 

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Exactly on the stairs. If I walk by a down staircase I get vertigo. I worked on the 45th floor of a building in NY and I sat by the window for 8 years. I never looked out. And when we would have fire drills, I had a special exemption to take the elevator down. Subway platforms where the trains pass on both sides of the platform are a strong no for me. It is hard to explain, because people assume it is a phobia, but it is the vertigo that brings the discomfort. I don't mind trains or subways at all.

Also adding in styrofoam as a touch trigger. I hadn't seen any for years, but then a styrofoam package arrived today.

I appreciated that @TurtlePower mentioned that a common misdiagnosis for women is anxiety. It wasn't until I married someone with a diagnosis that I realized I may be on the spectrum too.

I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was young. 

Edited by Ms.Lulu
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Omg! One of my friends signed up for a well-known MLM style company last week. (Won’t mention their name as I refuse to give them free exposure)

She’s already driving me crazy as every single post now has a “business purpose” and I’ve already become an expert on what I should no longer ask or post:

Wish her luck and she’ll go like “Thx, will keep you posted, I’m happy to explain all the good stuff to you if you like?”

Tell her it looks good: “would you like to try it too?”

Tell her she looks great on her new profile picture: “thx, it’s all due to my new lifestyle, I’d be happy to introduce you to it?”

arggghh… why?? I’m interested in you, not that stupid product you’re selling! If I really want it, I’ll know where to find it, thank you!

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3 hours ago, LilyD said:

Omg! One of my friends signed up for a well-known MLM style company last week. (Won’t mention their name as I refuse to give them free exposure)

She’s already driving me crazy as every single post now has a “business purpose” and I’ve already become an expert on what I should no longer ask or post:

Wish her luck and she’ll go like “Thx, will keep you posted, I’m happy to explain all the good stuff to you if you like?”

Tell her it looks good: “would you like to try it too?”

Tell her she looks great on her new profile picture: “thx, it’s all due to my new lifestyle, I’d be happy to introduce you to it?”

arggghh… why?? I’m interested in you, not that stupid product you’re selling! If I really want it, I’ll know where to find it, thank you!

Ugh this happened to me once with skin care and an acquaintance. I actually used the products for a few years (they worked) until they just got too expensive for me (it was *really* expensive and Covid killed it for me)

During this time, the person — whom I’d once worked with — kept asking me to become a consultant (a downline) and I kept saying no, it doesn’t suit my personality (I HATE sales and pestering people). So, she ghosted me. She didn’t care about ME, just the money I’d make her. It was the same stuff as Meri, all the“boss babe” crap and power posts. The minute she knew I wasn’t all in, she completely ignored me.

And let me tell you, this stuff was PRICEY. Over $300 every 2 months — there’s no way I was gonna try and sell that, even if they did work. I’ve since found prescription products that do the same thing for half the cost.

That’s my experience with MLM mindset — it’s really impersonal. They nag and nag because they’re programmed to. And nowadays with the economy, especially with LLR, why would anyone pay full price for leggings that are now everywhere? You can find the same stuff thrifting, sometimes new. It blows my mind there are even new recruits. They’ll never make it up the chain. 

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I went to Arizona for the first time this weekend for an event, and was thinking of the Browns, oddly. I live in California and was surprised at how easy it was to get from the Phoenix airport to other cities (we were staying in Eloy and it was about an hour drive; Flagstaff would've been maybe 2 hours in the opposite direction). For me, a 2 hour drive is typical to get from the coast to the east bay in traffic! 

Anyway, visiting the desert in January was a very weird experience. Freezing in the morning, sunny and hot in the afternoon. Our temperature shifts are much milder in comparison, and vary more from city to city than throughout the day. 

Some of the photos of Flagstaff I see are very pretty, and I'll admit that a desert sunrise was breathtaking; I know Flagstaff is not exactly like Eloy, but I imagine it's somewhat similar. It still seems very desolate to me, and I'll take my trees and hills and streams over the flat emptiness any day, but I can see why it suits some people. Growing up on the east coast with trees and humidity, the desert always seems so incompatible with life, so it was cool to see some of the genuine ecosystems out there. 

Also, I jumped out of a hot air balloon and landed in the desert, miles from anything, and walked past a cattle graveyard on the hike back to be picked up. Surreal.

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On 2/7/2023 at 3:37 PM, SunnyBeBe said:

But, both of my friends who hardly ever cook, are super thin and very active.  They live on yogurt, nuts, seeds, blueberries, fish and bananas.  🤫 And look pretty healthy. Lol

------------------

The above is from the Janelle thread. Reminds me of a good friend who lives out West (I'm in NYC). I've visited many times, but she hardly eats, and hikes briskly and for longer distances than I could manage even in my robust days. I am always hungry when I visit her!  The only decent meals are when her husband grills. She eats the equivalent of one meal per day. Lunch is a small container of yogurt. When the kids were younger, there was deli turkey in the house - but I couldn't make a sandwich because it as earmarked for their school lunches. She's not dieting, is not anorexic, and maintains a healthy weight (not skinny). I love her but when I've visited I always feel like I am on a starvation diet! Toast and a yogurt for dinner after a lot of strenuous activity just doesn't work for me. 

Mind you, I barely ate anything today because, once again, there are mice and the exterminator came around 3 pm. They are getting bolder: they came out while I was taking a shower last night, just after I finished using the vacuum on its most powerful (loudest) setting, all around the apartment. The exterminator pointed out that they are used to loud noises due to all the construction taking place next door so they didn't fear the vacuum noise. 

On the plus side, I really like the exterminator. He's just a great guy. He wears an N95 (he had on the same kind as mine) and this time he had even put paper booties on before he knocked on my door. It's a blessing to have someone so nice to combat the infestation.

I ordered dinner from a local restaurant tonight. I cleaned the kitchen first but I just couldn't deal with cooking.

 

 

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@Yeah Nomentioned sciatic in the Janelle thread. I'm going through a bout of sciatica now too. It's caused by being out of alignment, at least in my case. I've found the best way to realign my back is to sleep on my back with a pillow lengthwise under my torso, so that my butt is lower than my back and most of the weight is on my back above the tailbone. It sounds weird but works for me after a couple of nights. Also sleeping on my side with two pillows under my knees helps. Finally, squatting with knees wide apart and placing my elbows by the side of each knee, and pushing with elbows while pushing back with legs helps too (I learned this move in an exercise class). I am also using Tylenol very sparingly (two 500 mg tablets in a 24 hour period). Good luck!

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On 2/8/2023 at 10:11 PM, Teafortwo said:

On 2/7/2023 at 3:37 PM, SunnyBeBe said:

But, both of my friends who hardly ever cook, are super thin and very active.  They live on yogurt, nuts, seeds, blueberries, fish and bananas.  🤫 And look pretty healthy. Lol

------------------

The above is from the Janelle thread. Reminds me of a good friend who lives out West (I'm in NYC). I've visited many times, but she hardly eats, and hikes briskly and for longer distances than I could manage even in my robust days. I am always hungry when I visit her!  The only decent meals are when her husband grills. She eats the equivalent of one meal per day. Lunch is a small container of yogurt. When the kids were younger, there was deli turkey in the house - but I couldn't make a sandwich because it as earmarked for their school lunches. She's not dieting, is not anorexic, and maintains a healthy weight (not skinny). I love her but when I've visited I always feel like I am on a starvation diet! Toast and a yogurt for dinner after a lot of strenuous activity just doesn't work for me. 

Mind you, I barely ate anything today because, once again, there are mice and the exterminator came around 3 pm. They are getting bolder: they came out while I was taking a shower last night, just after I finished using the vacuum on its most powerful (loudest) setting, all around the apartment. The exterminator pointed out that they are used to loud noises due to all the construction taking place next door so they didn't fear the vacuum noise. 

On the plus side, I really like the exterminator. He's just a great guy. He wears an N95 (he had on the same kind as mine) and this time he had even put paper booties on before he knocked on my door. It's a blessing to have someone so nice to combat the infestation.

I ordered dinner from a local restaurant tonight. I cleaned the kitchen first but I just couldn't deal with cooking.

 

 

I hardly ate yesterday after my 10 miles and had more energy than if I had eaten (finally at night I had a salad with chicken). It’s like eating ruins the energy — I call it a “hunger high” and am always chasing it.

About to head out for another run/walk (only get to do these distances on my days off). I’ll be so busy today, probably won’t have a chance to eat again until evening (salad and chicken again probably).

They say people who can live on calorie restriction are quite healthy as long as it isn’t an eating disorder (which I have so, must be careful). 

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7 hours ago, Teafortwo said:


@Yeah Nomentioned sciatic in the Janelle thread. I'm going through a bout of sciatica now too. It's caused by being out of alignment, at least in my case. I've found the best way to realign my back is to sleep on my back with a pillow lengthwise under my torso, so that my butt is lower than my back and most of the weight is on my back above the tailbone. It sounds weird but works for me after a couple of nights. Also sleeping on my side with two pillows under my knees helps. Finally, squatting with knees wide apart and placing my elbows by the side of each knee, and pushing with elbows while pushing back with legs helps too (I learned this move in an exercise class). I am also using Tylenol very sparingly (two 500 mg tablets in a 24 hour period). Good luck!

For me, sleeping on my back with pillows raising my head and torso to at least a 25-30 degree angle is the best for me, and my head is well above my butt.  I also have to elevate my legs at night because of leg swelling so I'm quite the sight.  I've been sleeping this way for years now since I broke my arm in 2016 and found I get a much better night's sleep for several reasons.  Interestingly my smart watch gives me a mini sleep study every night and I get pretty high scores so there must be something to it.  I'm also doing one dose of Extra Strength Tylenol per day for the same reason.

Also, this always happens - right after I posted in the "Thrive Without Janelle" thread about being on an almost 3 week weight plateau, I suddenly found myself down most of a pound this morning, which is now the lightest I've been since 2020.  I still have 6 pounds to go to reach the "low" weight I was in 2019 after my gallbladder removal.  That will be another milestone for me, but it will still be 30 pounds above my weight just before menopause.  I don't know if I'll ever see that weight again, but I'm not changing my lifestyle and eating habits any time soon so we'll see.  It's not easy being on a 1,200 calorie per day diet for this length of time, but I'm determined.

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So. My inner anorexia, which has been hiding for a good part of a decade, is triggered. It’s back. Just like that, due to immense stress in my life.

From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed all I can think of is burning calories and how to avoid eating them while still managing to get through the day. Clothes are already looser and it’s hooked me right back in.

The thing is, I don’t care. I need this right now, for *something* to be going good for me and this is it. It’s the one thing I can have control over and be successful at that the universe can’t take away from me.

Things have gotten that bad. There’s too much to say here, but I was legitimately considering drowning myself in the ocean a couple months ago and this terrible thing is the only thing keeping my spirits up.

I don’t really need support or empathy, I just have no other outlets to express this (who does one tell this kind of thing to anyways?). It’s the one thing I’m good at and I can’t afford to feel like a failure right now. Just needed to say to the universe, I’m doing this and you cannot stop me. The one thing you can’t fuck up for me. 

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On 2/17/2023 at 7:22 AM, TurtlePower said:

So. My inner anorexia, which has been hiding for a good part of a decade, is triggered. It’s back. Just like that, due to immense stress in my life.

From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed all I can think of is burning calories and how to avoid eating them while still managing to get through the day. Clothes are already looser and it’s hooked me right back in.

The thing is, I don’t care. I need this right now, for *something* to be going good for me and this is it. It’s the one thing I can have control over and be successful at that the universe can’t take away from me.

Things have gotten that bad. There’s too much to say here, but I was legitimately considering drowning myself in the ocean a couple months ago and this terrible thing is the only thing keeping my spirits up.

I don’t really need support or empathy, I just have no other outlets to express this (who does one tell this kind of thing to anyways?). It’s the one thing I’m good at and I can’t afford to feel like a failure right now. Just needed to say to the universe, I’m doing this and you cannot stop me. The one thing you can’t fuck up for me. 

At the risk of sounding pushy and overly harsh (which is not my intention), the person you should be talking to about this is a qualified therapist.  I'm sure you know it's not good for your body to engage in this behavior.  In the long run it solves nothing and will only cause more problems for you.  The universe will fuck things up for you and you WILL fail if you continue this behavior and don't seek someone that can really help you.  The short-term success you're feeling is only an illusion.  Note that this is the counseling psychologist in me talking.  I'm risking alienating you by saying this, but I feel it is more important to say it than to be liked.

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5 hours ago, Yeah No said:

At the risk of sounding pushy and overly harsh (which is not my intention), the person you should be talking to about this is a qualified therapist.  I'm sure you know it's not good for your body to engage in this behavior.  In the long run it solves nothing and will only cause more problems for you.  The universe will fuck things up for you and you WILL fail if you continue this behavior and don't seek someone that can really help you.  The short-term success you're feeling is only an illusion.  Note that this is the counseling psychologist in me talking.  I'm risking alienating you by saying this, but I feel it is more important to say it than to be liked.

I appreciate the suggestion, no risk of alienation. The only therapists worth a darn in this specific realm are those who have been through anorexia themselves, the rest, IMO, are ineffective. Some of them don’t even know how to communicate with us. And there’s the issue with my insurance, they’ve been really shitty lately (one of the things I’m angry about). I had to pay thousands for a spinal procedure they thought I didn’t need. And it helped me. They said it wasn’t necessary, but it helped me immensely. Some  doctor they have who’s never seen me said I didn’t need the procedure — I hate them some days. 

And you have a point. Last time I did this (2006-2009), I developed kidney problems. The difference between now and previous rounds with this disease are that I’m not even trying to hide it. I’m an open book and suspect it’s my way of sticking it to everything that’s out of my span of control.  
 

Edited to Add: The scary thing about this round is being aware of everything, all the “why am I doing this.”  I’ve studied the disease and understand exactly why, nearly every motivation. No one needs to explain that to me. I don’t care. It is providing me with mental stability that doesn’t exist otherwise.

I pay close attention to vitamins and make sure I’m getting those. I do eat vegetables and fruit (to a point), and supplement what I won’t get when I reach my caloric limit. There’s no vomiting, just lots of over-exercising and calories below 1,000 which is pretty good for me. My burn for the day has been close to 3,000 with my BMR and what I actively burn. For now, I have tons of energy and stay hydrated. 

Edited by TurtlePower
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I began using a deep tissue masssge gun for my sciatica and it changed my life. I had been getting no sleep and now I’m back to normal. No pain. It worked so well that I gave massage guns to family members with sciatica for Christmas. Just make sure you massage the tissue and not the nerve. So, the butt cheek of the affected side and that inner part that connects the leg to the groin area. 

Edited by zenme
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2 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

I appreciate the suggestion, no risk of alienation. The only therapists worth a darn in this specific realm are those who have been through anorexia themselves, the rest, IMO, are ineffective. Some of them don’t even know how to communicate with us. And there’s the issue with my insurance, they’ve been really shitty lately (one of the things I’m angry about). I had to pay thousands for a spinal procedure they thought I didn’t need. And it helped me. They said it wasn’t necessary, but it helped me immensely. Some  doctor they have who’s never seen me said I didn’t need the procedure — I hate them some days. 

And you have a point. Last time I did this (2006-2009), I developed kidney problems. The difference between now and previous rounds with this disease are that I’m not even trying to hide it. I’m an open book and suspect it’s my way of sticking it to everything that’s out of my span of control.  
 

Edited to Add: The scary thing about this round is being aware of everything, all the “why am I doing this.”  I’ve studied the disease and understand exactly why, nearly every motivation. No one needs to explain that to me. I don’t care. It is providing me with mental stability that doesn’t exist otherwise.

I pay close attention to vitamins and make sure I’m getting those. I do eat vegetables and fruit (to a point), and supplement what I won’t get when I reach my caloric limit. There’s no vomiting, just lots of over-exercising and calories below 1,000 which is pretty good for me. My burn for the day has been close to 3,000 with my BMR and what I actively burn. For now, I have tons of energy and stay hydrated. 

Thanks so much for not getting mad at me!  I agree with you about the therapists.  I too have trouble finding a good one that can really understand my issues, and for sure yours is one that especially benefits from having someone that has been in your shoes.  I'm sure there are resources online that may help you find one and/or provide you with a support group online to talk with others who have your particular issues.  I urge you to keep trying to find some kind of support soon.

Also, and this is something to consider, a REALLY good therapist that can help you doesn't necessarily have to be a person who's recovered from an eating disorder.  They at least have to have faced similar feelings and issues with dieting and be able to draw upon them successfully.  These days finding such a therapist that good feels like a tall order and even if found would be very expensive.  But that doesn't mean you can't find one, it just means it's harder to do so.  Also, just because a person has been down your road doesn't make them a good therapist that can help you either.  So I would try to keep an open mind about that or you may get stuck in a rut and never find anyone.  I've found that even a mediocre therapist is often better than no therapist.  And good therapists don't always have the most education or experience either.

Also, I can't help but see a similar rationale in what you're saying as I've seen from people with a drinking problem that claim they "have it under control".  Yeah, maybe for now, but they're on a slippery slope.  And even an alcoholic that "has it under control" is engaging in some sort of denial about that.  Just something for you to think about.  Sorry to be so blunt, but I care about you, hon.....(((HUGS))) 🤗

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This is all way above my paygrade, @TurtlePower. I just want things to get better for you. I think this, though: 

3 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

It is providing me with mental stability that doesn’t exist otherwise.

This is your brain lying to you. That is something I do know a little about (not from an eating disorder).

I'll stop now. Love to you.

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I have to say this - I totally get it how having some control over one's life in one area when you feel most out of control in others is something that can help one's overall outlook.  I know that when the pandemic started and we were all afraid and locked down, and my husband lost his business and my father his life to Covid, my life felt especially out of control.  It gradually got better and it wasn't until this past September that I was able to handle going on a diet to lose the 30 lbs. I gained in those 2 years.  And losing 21 of those pounds so far has felt like a major accomplishment, and one that makes me feel more in control of myself, my health and my life.  But I am a person that actually has weight to lose.   However, I do understand body dysmorphia because even now when I look in the mirror I still see the same person I was 20 lbs. ago.  I still feel "fat", perhaps as fat as before.  However I am still nowhere near my goal or what would be considered a "healthy weight" for me.  So it's not really exactly the same thing.  I am on guard, though, not to fall into the body dysmorphia trap.  Honestly, with the difficulty I have losing weight I don't see that as becoming an issue any time soon.

I have come to realize, though, that my husband is suffering from body dysmorphia and still thinks he needs to lose weight when he doesn't.  He looks in the mirror and still sees the guy he was 50 lbs. ago.  He obsesses and focuses in on the little ring of flab around his waist, which I told him is probably not even fat but just excess skin.  I think, though, that as a result of my support and compliments, plus the occasional reality check across the face, he is starting to see that he is fine just the way he is.  I know he's not out of the woods yet, but it's made me realize that addressing the body dysmorphia and finding other healthier ways to regain control over your life and feel like you are succeeding at something may be some of the keys to getting over an eating disorder.  Just something I've been thinking about lately.

Also, it makes me think of when I quit smoking many years ago.  I "replaced" smoking with breath mints and other sucking candies for a while (note that this was before the "patch" existed).  It provided a similar satisfaction but was nowhere near as unhealthy.  Sometimes finding a "bridge activity" that you can replace your unhealthy addiction or disorder with that is less unhealthy is a better alternative and might actually help you recover.  In my case it did.  Only I developed an unhealthy dependence on sucking candies, but at least it was easier to wean off those eventually than the cigarettes themselves!

I had a friend years ago that replaced her unhealthy OCD behavior with obsessive cleaning.  Hey, at least it wasn't as destructive as her previous behavior and she always had a clean house!  Not perfect, I know, but as a transition to recovery it might help.  Whatever works!

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2 hours ago, General Days said:

This is all way above my paygrade, @TurtlePower. I just want things to get better for you. I think this, though: 

This is your brain lying to you. That is something I do know a little about (not from an eating disorder).

I'll stop now. Love to you.

Yes, eating disorders lie. It’s almost like its own personality, a part of my brain that has its own thoughts and its own agenda and a plan for me. Sadly, it’s currently comforting.

3 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Thanks so much for not getting mad at me!  I agree with you about the therapists.  I too have trouble finding a good one that can really understand my issues, and for sure yours is one that especially benefits from having someone that has been in your shoes.  I'm sure there are resources online that may help you find one and/or provide you with a support group online to talk with others who have your particular issues.  I urge you to keep trying to find some kind of support soon.

Also, and this is something to consider, a REALLY good therapist that can help you doesn't necessarily have to be a person who's recovered from an eating disorder.  They at least have to have faced similar feelings and issues with dieting and be able to draw upon them successfully.  These days finding such a therapist that good feels like a tall order and even if found would be very expensive.  But that doesn't mean you can't find one, it just means it's harder to do so.  Also, just because a person has been down your road doesn't make them a good therapist that can help you either.  So I would try to keep an open mind about that or you may get stuck in a rut and never find anyone.  I've found that even a mediocre therapist is often better than no therapist.  And good therapists don't always have the most education or experience either.

Also, I can't help but see a similar rationale in what you're saying as I've seen from people with a drinking problem that claim they "have it under control".  Yeah, maybe for now, but they're on a slippery slope.  And even an alcoholic that "has it under control" is engaging in some sort of denial about that.  Just something for you to think about.  Sorry to be so blunt, but I care about you, hon.....(((HUGS))) 🤗

I’m really not in denial, I’m just ok with it. 🤷🏼‍♀️With other issues they can take away the substance the person is using and deny them it, but with anorexia, it’s harder to force the thing you don’t want into you. 
 

i genuinely appreciate everyone’s comments, ideas and concerns. 💕 🙏 

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19 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

I’m really not in denial, I’m just ok with it. 🤷🏼‍♀️With other issues they can take away the substance the person is using and deny them it, but with anorexia, it’s harder to force the thing you don’t want into you. 
 

i genuinely appreciate everyone’s comments, ideas and concerns. 💕 🙏 

You're welcome.  I only wish the best for you.  You are worth a healthy, happy life.  I also get it that yours is kind-of the opposite problem from substance abuse, although in your case the behavior is the "substance".  I'm hoping that in addition to finding outside help you can find other, healthier ways to deal with and reduce your stress in the future.   You are very brave to open up to us here about this which is a healthy sign.  We love you so at the very least you know you have a ton of support here should you need to vent.  I'll shut up now....

((((many hugs)))

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1 minute ago, Yeah No said:

You're welcome.  I only wish the best for you.  You are worth a healthy, happy life.  I also get it that yours is kind-of the opposite problem from substance abuse, although in your case the behavior is the "substance".  I'm hoping that in addition to finding outside help you can find other, healthier ways to deal with and reduce your stress in the future.   You are very brave to open up to us here about this which is a healthy sign.  We love you so at the very least you know you have a ton of support here should you need to vent.  I'll shut up now....

((((many hugs)))

Thanks a thousand times, it really helps. I’m not feeling so great today, honestly questioning my place in the universe and whether it even means anything. Lately I’m not emotionally strong and have been tiring of the constant struggles.

I just want to sit in the woods and be left alone and forget the rest of the world. I don’t want to hear people arguing over parking spots at the grocery store or petty things like that. Everyone’s always in such a hurry, as if their time is more valuable than everyone else’s — and they let you know it, too. 

I probably need to relocate back into a very rural area in the next year or so, just to preserve what’s left of my emotional well-being. 

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12 minutes ago, TurtlePower said:

Thanks a thousand times, it really helps. I’m not feeling so great today, honestly questioning my place in the universe and whether it even means anything. Lately I’m not emotionally strong and have been tiring of the constant struggles.

I just want to sit in the woods and be left alone and forget the rest of the world. I don’t want to hear people arguing over parking spots at the grocery store or petty things like that. Everyone’s always in such a hurry, as if their time is more valuable than everyone else’s — and they let you know it, too. 

I probably need to relocate back into a very rural area in the next year or so, just to preserve what’s left of my emotional well-being. 

Awww, more hugs to you, Turtle, if it's any consolation I think a lot of us can relate to how you feel right now, especially about the people in a hurry thinking their time is more valuable than anyone else's.  I was actually just carping about this to my husband and friends the other day.  Since when do people think they can ride the "coattails" of the person before them at a stop sign?  This is the latest example of that mentality around me, and I suspect everywhere.  Then they get mad at you for thinking it was your turn to go and proceeding before you realize they're actually going through it too!!!  That's the kicker!  Like they have the right to go even though you were technically "next"!  And yet if I ever had the nerve to do that they'd be all over me!

It's getting to the point that I don't go out on weekends anymore to avoid the crazy weekend shoppers and drivers.  Plus now I often take back roads to avoid the crowded main roads.  We have to do what we can to protect ourselves, but lately I have to say that involves staying home much more than I used to.  And that's not the happiest solution either.  So I get it!  The only consolation I have is that I'm not really a part of the "rat race" of the working world anymore so it's easier for me to avoid these situations, but even so these days it's getting harder for me to do that, and my ability to withstand them without it getting to me is lower than it was when I was younger.  So I get it!

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@TurtlePower, just chiming in to add my virtual hugs and well wishes.  I always appreciate your thoughtful and intelligent posts/point of view.  You are an an important part of the Sister Wives forum for me,  🙂

Here's to healing and happiness for you, my friend. 

Edited by CouchTater
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3 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

I just want to sit in the woods and be left alone and forget the rest of the world. I don’t want to hear people arguing over parking spots at the grocery store or petty things like that. Everyone’s always in such a hurry, as if their time is more valuable than everyone else’s — and they let you know it, too. 

I probably need to relocate back into a very rural area in the next year or so, just to preserve what’s left of my emotional well-being. 

As someone who does exactly this...I can say that sitting outside surrounded by trees and the sounds of nature may be the one thing that helps keep me "sane". I live with contentment as a hermit.

I am lucky that I am close enough to town that a take away pizza is warm when we get home, but in the woods with the closest neighbor a half mile away.

I have recently discovered "sound reducing headphones" and they are so amazing. I am very sound sensitive and I can wear them with just the silence or use a nature sound audio (converted from youtube) as a relaxing soundscape. Bringing the outdoors indoors so to speak.

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On 2/20/2023 at 1:39 PM, Roslyn said:

As someone who does exactly this...I can say that sitting outside surrounded by trees and the sounds of nature may be the one thing that helps keep me "sane". I live with contentment as a hermit.

At the beginning of the pandemic when my life felt like it was coming apart and everything was locked down I used to drive around in the country all by myself just to cope.  On warm days I'd go to the local "rails to trails" lot which is bordered by a little league field with picnic tables near the trees.  I'd often sit there alone just to clear my mind and center myself.  I hadn't really done anything like that in many years.  I used to do it when I was younger.   Anyway, it was just the thing I needed and I wondered why I'd ever stopped.  After a while I would sometimes meet my local friend there to have lunch outdoors.  We'd bring sandwiches and have our own little picnic.  I came to consider that my own "special place" and still go there whenever I feel the need.  I recommend doing something like that highly.  I always come back feeling refreshed like my mind and soul had been cleansed.  I don't know why I ever stopped doing that to be honest, but I'm just glad I started again.

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I miss what our neighborhood did early in the pandemic.  People would sit on their front porches, in the garage with the door open, or on the driveways.  While some people sat, others walked around and would stop and chat with the sitters at a distance from the sidewalk. We all looked forward to around five o'clock when most of the activity took place.  

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Well looks like I'm gonna get fired. I got written up for a couple of things. One was complaining to a colleague about overwork - after three people on my team left/got fired recently, their duties were assigned to me. The other was the way I handled a call with a customer (she was in hysterics and I was empathizing). One of thousands of calls I've handled over the past year and a half. I handle incoming calls 40 hours/week on top of everything else. A couple of other people on my team handle incoming calls 4 hours a week each (as a backup while I am still also answering calls). 

I'm 62 and I have never gotten written up at any job in the past. Also I have a disability. At my previous company, I lasted through several rounds of layoffs and was respected and got a nice raise at least once a year. The company basically folded at the start of the pandemic and I was one of the last three people laid off and got severance.

Edited by Teafortwo
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3 hours ago, Teafortwo said:

Well looks like I'm gonna get fired. I got written up for a couple of things. One was complaining to a colleague about overwork - after three people on my team left/got fired recently, their duties were assigned to me. The other was the way I handled a call with a customer (she was in hysterics and I was empathizing). One of thousands of calls I've handled over the past year and a half. I handle incoming calls 40 hours/week on top of everything else. A couple of other people on my team handle incoming calls 4 hours a week each (as a backup while I am still also answering calls). 

I'm 62 and I have never gotten written up at any job in the past. Also I have a disability. At my previous company, I lasted through several rounds of layoffs and was respected and got a nice raise at least once a year. The company basically folded at the start of the pandemic and I was one of the last three people laid off and got severance.

So sorry to hear this, Tea, I know you've been a trooper there and they don't deserve you anyway if they let you go.  Many hugs 🤗to you and please keep us apprised on what happens.  

In my own corner of hell, my husband and I have been going through a Covid scare, the first real one since the pandemic started.  He drove his boss and wife home from JFK on Sunday returning from a trip to the Netherlands.  The next morning he got a text that the wife had tested positive for Covid.  Since then we have been hunkered down for the most part at home even distancing from each other and wearing masks in the house even though we hadn't done this the night before we learned about it.  It has been awful, but thankfully neither of us has tested positive yet and tomorrow if we test negative we're going to stop wearing masks at home and sit in the same room together.

Interestingly, so far my husband's boss has also not tested positive and his wife's symptoms are very mild so we think she didn't have enough of a viral load to infect anyone else or if we were infected we didn't get enough of a viral load to show up on an at-home test.  She is an interesting case because back at the very beginning of the pandemic she didn't catch Covid from her husband, who caught it at that famous "super spreader" event in Westport in early 2020 and ended up in the hospital twice.  Both are in their mid 50s and he has asthma and are completely vaccinated and boosted like we are.

So anyway, if anyone remembers how Covid-phobic I am, you can imagine that I have been under some intense stress this week.  I'm starting to feel a little better about it as time goes on and we continue to test negative and have no symptoms.  My husband has been joking with me that he feels like he's "in the doghouse" because he's been "banished" to his home office and spare bedroom.  We pass like ships in the night.  I make food and put it on a tray in front of his door like in a hotel, LOL.  I laugh but thank goodness this will be over tomorrow!

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