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Sweet Fellowship: Duggars and Friends (aka the Bates Family and Other Featured Families Thread)


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On ‎12‎/‎19‎/‎2017 at 8:01 PM, Lunera said:

The Bates will make an announcement tonight. Whitney has a slight bump, so maybe a pregnancy announcement. It could also be that Carlin started courting. I don't want to speculate too much but Michael is looking at bit round in the face too, but maybe it's just me seeing things.

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I wonder if Michael was as overlooked and taken for granted as Jana Duggar.  It was odd to me that Michael chose her mother over her sisters for matron of honor, it doesn't look like she stood up in Erin's wedding at all, when I would assume she would be maid of honor, and in Tori's wedding, it looks like Whitney was placed before Michael.  It makes me fear that Michael's younger sisters treat her like the ugly step-sister, like the Duggar girls treat Jana.  I'm sure it helped when Michael got married, but then she drops in esteem by her fertility issues.

She's also similar to Jana for me, because I've seen the passel of young Bates run right past Kelly and go to Michael with their needs.  So as much as Kelly is a warmer, more affectionate person, she seems no less lazy than Michelle.  And I'm sure it was difficult for Michael when the next oldest girl was such a princess, and definitely not as useful as Jill.

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Michael was definitely the Cinderjana of the family. Erin and Alyssa have always struck me as kind of stuck-up and princess-y so it wouldn't surprise me if Michael did all the dirty work, while they played the Jessa/Jinger roles and hid in in the laundry room. Kelly even said that Michael was the one who potty trained all the kids, so yeah, she was the chief nanny-slave. 

I don't think the oldest three girls are close to each other at all. You never see Michael or Erin flying down to visit Alyssa in Florida, or Alyssa taking the girls to see Michael in Chicago etc. Their personalities are so drastically different it doesn't surprise me, but in a culture where siblings are practically forced to be each other besties, it is a bit interesting.

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9 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

Michael was definitely the Cinderjana of the family. Erin and Alyssa have always struck me as kind of stuck-up and princess-y so it wouldn't surprise me if Michael did all the dirty work, while they played the Jessa/Jinger roles and hid in in the laundry room. Kelly even said that Michael was the one who potty trained all the kids, so yeah, she was the chief nanny-slave. 

I don't think the oldest three girls are close to each other at all. You never see Michael or Erin flying down to visit Alyssa in Florida, or Alyssa taking the girls to see Michael in Chicago etc. Their personalities are so drastically different it doesn't surprise me, but in a culture where siblings are practically forced to be each other besties, it is a bit interesting.

Maybe that's why Jana and Michael are close.  I sure wish Michael's husband would introduce Jana to a nice man.  If she's interested, Jana could leave all her siblings to take care of themselves and their own children, and be near her bestie.  

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I would wager that they'd already celebrated at the Bates homestead earlier in the day. My husband often works the big holidays (Monday is his normal day off, so he actually had the day off today), so I am a pro at scheduling where I go alone and where we can go together. 

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9 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

For those speculating, it doesn't look like Whitney is knocked up. And poor baby, lots of us have to work on Christmas. 

The kids look like they could have come from Chad and Erin.  Where does all that blonde hair come from?

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2 hours ago, RedheadZombie said:

The kids look like they could have come from Chad and Erin.  Where does all that blonde hair come from?

Zach is quite fair, as is Gil Bates.

I don't think Whitney is going to be pregnant for a while.  I don't think they are following the rules of the cult.  Whitney just got her real estate license and I think she has other stuff going as well.  Those kids are super cute!

Edited by riverblue22
still waking up!
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57 minutes ago, flyingdi said:

UO: I don't see what is so unattractive about Carlin's boyfriend.  He looks okay to me.

Looks fine to me as well. Not anything I'd squee over, but well within average parameters, and closer to attractive than ugly as far as 

I can see.

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4 hours ago, RedheadZombie said:

The kids look like they could have come from Chad and Erin.  Where does all that blonde hair come from?

Many Caucasian children are blonde with they are young and have darker hair by puberty. (Not suggesting you didn’t know that just saying the kids are little) But it’s also possible that Zach’s kids will be the splitting image of his sister/her kids- that happens in families. 

 

Whitney looks nice here! A festive Christmas casual. 

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2 hours ago, IndianPaintbrush said:

Wow, Whitney looks great! Very proud of her for getting her real estate license. 

This is not a criticism at all, but Michaela has definitely gained weight. I don't think she's pregnant, but I wonder if she's on any fertility drugs with weight gain as a side effect.

Many people asked her if she was pregnant after she poster her Christmas pictures looking a bit bigger. She said she was not. I think it might be stress or fertility drugs. 

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59 minutes ago, Lunera said:

Many people asked her if she was pregnant after she poster her Christmas pictures looking a bit bigger. She said she was not. I think it might be stress or fertility drugs. 

UGH poor Michael!!! First- the dress is blowing in the wind a bit, she might not have put on weight it looks like just a bad picture/angle/outfit choice, TBH

And seriously, what arseholes ask a woman who is struggling with fertility if she is pregnant when she posts a pic. I can't imagine how much that has to hurt. So not only does she have to deal with that pain, she probably feels fat on top of it all.

People are the WORST!!!

Also, I live in the west suburbs of chicago like they do. Put a damn coat and weather appropriate shoes  on. Its been literally negative wind chills since Christmas. Her shoes are making my feet hurt just looking at them

 

Edit: ok the pic of them sitting down also doesn't do her any favors either :-/ I was trying

Edited by yogi2014L
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1 hour ago, BitterApple said:

It's bad enough to suffer through infertility. It's also demoralizing to gain weight due to stress, depression, medication etc.; so to be asked if you're pregnant in the midst of all those factors? Just a tad bit insensitive...

I feel for Michael in that regard.  She so desperately wants a child to love and my heart breaks for her. It hurts my heart that people are asking her questions. 

Endometriosis left me with a distended abdomen, regardless of my weight or amount of physical training.  I’m sure people were dying to ask me if I was preggo, until they saw I wasn’t getting any bigger. 

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1 hour ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

I feel for Michael in that regard.  She so desperately wants a child to love and my heart breaks for her. It hurts my heart that people are asking her questions. 

Endometriosis left me with a distended abdomen, regardless of my weight or amount of physical training.  I’m sure people were dying to ask me if I was preggo, until they saw I wasn’t getting any bigger. 

I was diagnosed with endometriosis in December 2002. I look like I was a few months pregnant after the surgery to remove my left ovary and cyst. Six months later I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. The medication I went on to treat it along with the blood pressure med caused me to gain fifteen pounds in one month. Btw, women with endometriosis can end up with a thyroid disorder. Go figure.

Back on topic. I admit I cannot stand either family, but I do feel bad for the daughters if they have a hard time getting pregnant especially when women are considered only to be good for having and raising children. I hope she can have the child(ren) she and her husband wants.

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Michael and Jana have always struck me as the stereotypical older daughters who dutifully did what they were supposed to -- believe the garbage their parents preached; raised the kids bc that what the daughters are supposed to do etc. Except I think they probably both thought that their other sisters would be in the same boat as them, except their other sisters being a bit younger had an advantage bc seeing what her life was like -- they realized they didn't want that and went into immediate "protect myself" mode so they wouldn't be the ones tasked with potty training or sewing clothes or whatever.

Alyssa and Erin both strike me as bitchy, whereas Michael seems more genuine. You know Alyssa and Erin always looked down on their fat(ter than them - though not actually fat) older sister given that they were blonde and beautiful. And in a cult based on competition for men and babies, you know the pity for her only increased when they got themselves married at 21 and 19, whereas their older sister was sweating it out until age 25 and practically had to beg Brandon to marry her -- while their suitors chased them. So then Michael gets married and she can't even gloat about it for a second bc they can't make a baby -- so the pity continues. And sure Erin had baby issues too, but those are long forgotten now that she pops out a kid per year so now it's back to "aw poor Michael." You know as sad as it looked to have her mom as her maid of honor, I'm glad she didn't ask Erin or Alyssa. I guess it's not allowed in a family where you have so many sisters, but she should've asked Jana under the guise of -- I have so many sisters, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so Jana is maid of honor and all the sisters are the bridal party.

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 I thought Michael and Alyssa were always close, and it was Erin and Alyssa who didn't get along. Or was just that speculation? It always made sense to me. Michael did all the childrearing and Alyssa did all the cooking, while Erin was apparently the crybaby princess of the family. 

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3 hours ago, bigskygirl said:

Six months later I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. The medication I went on to treat it along with the blood pressure med caused me to gain fifteen pounds in one month.

Just a nitpick, the medication to treat the Graves didn't really cause the weight gain. Weight loss is a symptom of hyperthyroidism and using something like methimazole to normalize your thyroid levels would be the culprit there, not the drug itself. And if you're using an older generation beta blocker (ex: atenolol, propranolol) that wouldn't help either because weight gain is a side effect for those. 

Even if I understood the cause I'd provably be talking to my doctor, especially if I wasn't underweight to start with. I hope they got your meds worked out! (My co-worker was diagnosed with Graves. She was going to have her thyroid taken out until she got a second opinion from a doctor that cautioned her to maybe not move so fast and work to normalize her thyroid levels first.)

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5 hours ago, flyingdi said:

Am I the only one who actually thinks Michael is very pretty?Maybe in a more understated way than her flashier sisters but still, a beautiful girl.

Michael is definitely a very attractive woman, I just think she always felt like the ugly duckling in comparison to her two thinner, more frilly sisters. Similar to how Jana (at least in my opinion) is far more beautiful in looks than Jessa, yet doesn't stand out because she doesn't have that air of confidence (or arrogance, lol) that makes others take notice. 

Edited by BitterApple
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1 hour ago, lascuba said:

 I thought Michael and Alyssa were always close, and it was Erin and Alyssa who didn't get along. Or was just that speculation? It always made sense to me. Michael did all the childrearing and Alyssa did all the cooking, while Erin was apparently the crybaby princess of the family. 

Alyssa now seems like she wants nothing to do with her loud, large family, though I feel like she has some individual sibling ties. I want to say she's close with Josie (maybe?) as Josie seems to visit Alyssa and John without the rest of the horde. I'm sure Kelton had something to do with that (as Kelton and Bobby went to school together in FL) but I feel like there were even recent pics of her visiting even though Kelton is in Tenn now. Alyssa did used to do all the cooking, so who knows maybe she bonded with Michael that way. I feel like when she announced her second pregnancy (with M&Ms but they had driven down to Tenn and were waiting outside the house), she said something about Michael -- like she had already told Michael that she was pregnant or told Michael she wanted to space out her kids or something. So I guess if they're talking to each other on the phone about personal info, there's some closeness there; it would be just as easy to not discuss childbearing with Michael so as not to hurt her feelings or whatever.

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ABC(?) did a special about the Bates family when Alyssa got married. Alyssa said that she is closest to Josie. I remember being surprised by that since Tori and Carlin are closer to Alyssa in age. At the time, I did t know that Tori and Carlin are BFFs or how loud they can be when together.

I don't think Alyssa wants nothing to do with her family, but she wants to interact with them in small groups or one-on-one. 

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3 hours ago, lascuba said:

 I thought Michael and Alyssa were always close, and it was Erin and Alyssa who didn't get along. Or was just that speculation? It always made sense to me. Michael did all the childrearing and Alyssa did all the cooking, while Erin was apparently the crybaby princess of the family. 

Has anyone said/suggested that Erin was a crybaby princess? She strikes me as that type but I wonder if we’ve seen something like that. Makes sense that her emo, teary eyed at the drop of a hat - husband fell for an emotional princess.

1 minute ago, Triple P said:

ABC(?) did a special about the Bates family when Alyssa got married. Alyssa said that she is closest to Josie. I remember being surprised by that since Tori and Carlin are closer to Alyssa in age. At the time, I did t know that Tori and Carlin are BFFs or how loud they can be when together.

I don't think Alyssa wants nothing to do with her family, but she wants to interact with them in small groups or one-on-one. 

In that case it makes perfect sense bc Josie really is the one visiting her all the time. Tori and Carlin are loud and obnoxious though Tori has toned down a lot for Bobby. I can’t see Alyssa enjoying their loud obnoxious behavior - she seems like the quiet calm type. Don’t know much about Josie but if she’s also quiet and calm, I can see why she’d vibe with Alyssa more than the obnoxious twins.

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Who was the one who kept bursting out crying during/before Erin’s wedding? Pretty sure it was Carlin - so they’re close. Makes sense bc Erin in turn was sooooo concerned re getting Carlin married off - she’s the one who found loser Evan who met the criteria of being single, male, and working a church function.

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17 minutes ago, cereality said:

Has anyone said/suggested that Erin was a crybaby princess? She strikes me as that type but I wonder if we’ve seen something like that. Makes sense that her emo, teary eyed at the drop of a hat - husband fell for an emotional princess.

I remember on one of their original specials the family was staying in a hotel and there were tornado warnings. Erin was freaking out and crying on Gil's shoulder while everyone else just took it in stride. She very much loves being the damsel in distress. 

13 minutes ago, cereality said:

Makes sense bc Erin in turn was sooooo concerned re getting Carlin married off - she’s the one who found loser Evan who met the criteria of being single, male, and working a church function.

Lol, so she gets Superhero Chad while Carlin gets an unemployed yokel who sings for love offerings? Hmmm....

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1 hour ago, BitterApple said:

I remember on one of their original specials the family was staying in a hotel and there were tornado warnings. Erin was freaking out and crying on Gil's shoulder while everyone else just took it in stride. She very much loves being the damsel in distress. 

Lol, so she gets Superhero Chad while Carlin gets an unemployed yokel who sings for love offerings? Hmmm....

Doesn’t that sound like the Rodriguii?

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I think Erin is quite immature. She acted like a child in a few situations in which she needed to act like an adult. She doesn't seem to be able to handle 'much' from crying in that tornado warning and acting like a 14 year old giving birth with her first baby...something she wanted so very much in life. I don't dislike her, I just notice her immaturity.

If Michaela didn't dress so frumpy, she'd appear to be much more attractive. She has a pretty face and is good looking, IMO. In the above photos, at least she wasn't wearing sneakers with that dress.

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7 hours ago, cereality said:

Has anyone said/suggested that Erin was a crybaby princess? She strikes me as that type but I wonder if we’ve seen something like that. Makes sense that her emo, teary eyed at the drop of a hat - husband fell for an emotional princess.

 

There's the crying during the tornado warnings, and I think I remember them saying that she was always a wreck during thunderstorms. There's also all the crying leading up to her wedding about how she wouldn't be living with her sisters anymore. Not that that's a bad thing, and I'm being harsh calling her a crybaby over it, but considering how she couldn't cook at all when she got married, the pink princess room, things she's said over the years, and just her general demeanor...I've always gotten the impression that she was incredibly coddled in a way that none of the other older girls were. She seems sweet in spite of that, but if she were my sister and I was helping maintain such a large household while she sat on daddy's lap crying over a storm, I wouldn't be close to her.

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1 hour ago, lascuba said:

There's the crying during the tornado warnings, and I think I remember them saying that she was always a wreck during thunderstorms. There's also all the crying leading up to her wedding about how she wouldn't be living with her sisters anymore. Not that that's a bad thing, and I'm being harsh calling her a crybaby over it, but considering how she couldn't cook at all when she got married, the pink princess room, things she's said over the years, and just her general demeanor...I've always gotten the impression that she was incredibly coddled in a way that none of the other older girls were. She seems sweet in spite of that, but if she were my sister and I was helping maintain such a large household while she sat on daddy's lap crying over a storm, I wouldn't be close to her.

IDK, I think any  diva behavior ages 18 and under doesn't get too much side eye from me...I mean, she is one of 18 kids, I bet being dramatic and upset got her some much needed one on one attention from her parental units, so that could be why she played it up lol....also...she was a teenage girl. Not always known for their behavior control/ low drama approach to life. LOL! 

I was one of four and def did the 'any attention is good attention' thing when I was a teenager ( though, much to my parents dismay was much worse than crying over a storm) so I think that has something to do with it. 

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I think in the earliest of Bates shows--when Alyssa was still a singleton, Alyssa was shown as a no muss, no fuss girl, working outside of the home, and someone who had a really close relationship with dad. She's also very close to the pragmatic Jane, Gil's mother.  She wears jeans and sleeveless tops! She's the opposite of Erin. I also remember the kids saying Alyssa was a taskmaster. I would bet that while she loves her sister, they are very different, and I'd imagine Alyssa enjoying the company of her brothers a tad bit more.

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If you look up the stereotypical definition of "girly girl" there's probably a picture of Erin Bates Paine in it.  This is not necessarily a bad thing but its not my thing.

UO #2 I don't see what's so great looking about Chad.  I think he's kinda goofy looking.  If I had to pick husbands strictly based on looks alone, I'd probably go with Brandon.

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I have always liked Chad.  He seems wholesome, loving and seems to help out anybody with his talents.  He takes care and loves  his wife and children and works hard.  He is a living example unlike others (Derrick) who are all talk and NO SHOW!

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All the Bates sons-in-law, and sons-in-law to be, have the same look! It's like they could all be in the same guys version of that iconic Robert Palmer video. I think John Webster looks the least like them and I happen to think he's a good looking guy.

Yes, I think Chad seems to adore Erin and his little family, and it appears he's got a kind and (I'm hoping) non-judgmental heart. 

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10 hours ago, BitterApple said:

I remember on one of their original specials the family was staying in a hotel and there were tornado warnings. Erin was freaking out and crying on Gil's shoulder while everyone else just took it in stride. She very much loves being the damsel in distress. 

Lol, so she gets Superhero Chad while Carlin gets an unemployed yokel who sings for love offerings? Hmmm....

In this cult, it’s better to have an unemployed bum than to be [gasp] single. Evan was probably all that was available. Plus if a superhero was available, not saying she’d deny her sister but these girls are competitive - Erin’s probably breathing a sigh of relief that her husband has retained his prince and best son in law in the family status - likely since business owner John wants to spend no more than 5 days a year with them across all holidays combined.

Chad has aged a LOT in 4 yrs. He’s only 30 but damn the wrinkles around the eyes. It’s got to be the usual young father/provider stress combined with a princess wife and in laws who are takers.

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32 minutes ago, cereality said:

 

Chad has aged a LOT in 4 yrs. He’s only 30 but damn the wrinkles around the eyes. It’s got to be the usual young father/provider stress combined with a princess wife and in laws who are takers.

I've noticed that as well. My husband's 42 and has no lines on his face. I think Chad's a great guy, but he definitely has a ton of stress in his life. Three babies in three years, a wife who demands custom-made furniture and new paint on the walls every six months, in-laws who expect him to be an on-call Mr. Fix-It, a dog and two goats that Erin sure as hell isn't cleaning up after and a full-time job. Contrast that to John, who works two jobs and has the same number of kids but doesn't look ten years older than his age.

I remember Whitney did a TH on BUB where she joked-but-didn't-joke about how you should never let the Bates family know if you have a special skill or talent, because they'll expect you to perform it all the time. So you can only imagine what a guy like Chad goes through...

Edited by BitterApple
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6 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

The family is OK marrying off their daughters to unemployed men?

Now - yes. They lucked out with the first 3 sons in law but they need to keep the marriage train rolling so when obnoxious Tori and Carlin rolled up with unemployed men, it was all good. Gil created a job for Bobby. 

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37 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

I've noticed that as well. My husband's 42 and has no lines on his face. I think Chad's a great guy, but he definitely has a ton of stress in his life. Three babies in three years, a wife who demands custom-made furniture and new paint on the walls every six months, in-laws who expect him to be an on-call Mr. Fix-It, a dog and two goats that Erin sure as hell isn't cleaning up after and a full-time job. Contrast that to John, who works two jobs and has the same number of kids but doesn't look ten years older than his age.

I remember Whitney did a TH on BUB where she joked-but-didn't-joke about how you should never let the Bates family know if you have a special skill or talent, because they'll expect you to perform it all the time. So you can only imagine what a guy like Chad goes through...

I think whoever up top said that Alyssa is really pragmatic hit the nail on the head and given her pragmatic nature, I think she and John have the type of marriage where they are very much a team on everything including finances. So while John also has 2-3 young kids and the stresses of being a young father and provider, he has a wife who very much gets it. Plus I think he's just more well to do than Chad -- he owns an HVAC business in Fl with his brothers (where there is huge demand) plus has started a small commercial cleaning business. He's set up his life such that if he works harder -- i.e. doesn't turn down jobs -- he brings home more money. Chad IMO is doing well too (esp compared to the typical fundie male who is more like Bobby or Evan) but he's the finance manager for a small metals shop and his boss pays what he pays; he can't taken on a nighttime HVAC job at a car dealership whose AC must be repaired overnight so that daytime business isn't affected in order to make double time like John can. Plus John's wife is on the same page. After taking care of 2 kids all day, she is out there cleaning offices/small businesses with her husband at night. She has also been shown going out and cleaning by herself bc John had a night time HVAC job and obviously it doesn't make sense to turn down that kind of money.

And John's life just looks more fun -- date nights and Sbux runs with his wife; he still plays baseball/basketball with his brothers; he and Alyssa went on vacation this summer -- a real vacation, not driving to a mountain cabin for 1 night. Alyssa may also not be the demanding type. They have a nice home -- no idea if they own or rent -- and she wears nice clothes, but I can see her being very much the type who says "the clothing and home budget is x, I must make it work in x."

Erin OTOH -- the husband makes a china cabinet to sell for extra money on the side and suddenly she must have one too. Um -- it takes weeks to build one of those, when you're doing it on top of a 40 hour week job plus helping your wife with the laundry and cleaning (which is rare for a fundie man, but apparently he does - prob bc she complains about how hard it is ALL day without him) plus taking care of goats/dogs/chickens whatever (which she downplays bc once he commented on how much poop he cleans between the animals and the kids and she was quick to shush him). She doesn't get that it's better to let him focus on building furniture that he can sell and make a few hundred or few thousand here and there, rather than asking for one for yourself too. Add to that all the house projects that must be done on a RENTAL house. I'm sorry -- don't care how handy you are, who builds a porch and a deck on a RENTAL home owned by someone else?? Doesn't matter how much your wife wants one. Add to that they are looking for houses and Prince Chad doesn't believe in mortgages like his fundie inlaws and what they can afford are absolute teardowns -- like I couldn't believe some of them wouldn't blow over in a strong storm. Guess who will be doing the gut renovation on that while working 40 hrs a week. And add to that when there's weekend downtime, they MUST go to the inlaws, where I imagine the moment that Chad sits down with his bros in law to watch a football game, Gil goes -- hey the grout in the master bathroom is falling apart or the shingles on the roof blew off during the last storm, Chad can you take a look -- and then Chad must climb onto the roof or into the tub right that moment bc Prince Chad is a people pleaser and bc he knows his wife will be PISSED if he were to say no or punt on a request from Daddy. Given all this -- to make no mention of probably being concerned about his wife's health as they undertake yearly high risk pregnancies -- I'm surprised it's just eye wrinkles and not a head full of gray hair at age 30.

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Evan, Carlin's boyfriend, works at a medical center as the front desk person. He is immature and Carlin can do better, but he is employed.  I think that the courtship is Carlin and Kelly driven, Gil doesn't seem impressed with Evan at all.

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1 minute ago, birkenstock said:

Evan, Carlin's boyfriend, works at a medical center as the front desk person. He is immature and Carlin can do better, but he is employed.  I think that the courtship is Carlin and Kelly driven, Gil doesn't seem impressed with Evan at all.

Agree Gil seemed to be doing more "warnings" than his usual -- oh I don't want to give another daughter away -- when Evan and Carlin were asking permission to court; when he was doing the whole -- you guys are young and may not end up married to each other, you could see him almost hoping that they don't. I guess a minimum wage job is better than no job, but he is 22. Shouldn't he have gone to some fundie college or a trade school or something? The front desk job appears to be his full time gig, not his -- this is what I'm using to support myself while I pursue something more permanent -- gig. Of this middle crop of courting couples, looks like Josie is making out the best with a plumber -- he has a college degree I think in finance but works as a plumber at his uncle's business. Their life may end up looking more like Alyssa and John's -- which actually kind of makes sense given that Josie and Alyssa are close and she likely saw that a skilled tradesmen working for a family business gave her sister a nice life -- so when she met one of those guys, she probably let it be known through her friends/sisters that she was interested.

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I agree he needs a long-term plan. My point was that he's not unemployed. He has a good job for someone his age who lives at home or starting out, but it won't support the many kids Evan and Carlin probably plan to have.  He has to have more of a plan than to just be on BUB and look pretty.   

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