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S03.E15: For Better or Worse


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I made a very big mistake last night. I was dozing off when this episode came on so I was listening with eyes closed. Scheanas voice and overly dramatized inflections are not of this planet. I dare anybody to close your eyes and listen . You will lose a few brain cells and probably shave off a few years of your life

She is rigorously unlikable. The worst.

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Oh lordy, that episode surely did not disappoint.

 

From the fashion atrocities to the human atrocities, this episode was dishing both in spades.

 

As I watched Scheana struggle with keeping her top up during the ceremony, I cringed.  I don't care how much time or detail was put into that (or any) garment, having to struggle with it and fight it is not a good look for anyone.  Reminded me of when Kyle from BH was constantly fiddle fucking around with her clothes and constantly trying to keep them in place.  Just...No.  I can't even imagine her on the dance floor next week, trying to bust a move and keep her top up.

 

And that jacket FI Tom gave Shay?  Ummm....Well, I guess considering what a paragon of fashion FI Tom is, maybe we should expect him to pick out something like this.

 

Ariana, go take your smug yet whining ass to the nearest stadium and have multiple seats with your horseshit.  Hell, I don't even like Scheana and have not a single fuck to give about her wedding, and even was imploring you to GTFO and STFU.  For someone who thinks she's such hot shit, you certainly give off the aroma of insecurity at times.  Interesting.

 

Kristen?  Where to begin with Kristen.  Just starting with the obvious, I pity the woman who was assigned doing the hair of Cigarette Sally.  That limp lank mess of hair must be a nightmare for a stylist to work with.  I was amused to see they'd gone with a half-up style.  And probably a couple of bottles of hair freshener spray.

 

And, as if she'd been reading these very boards, Scheana gives Tequila Kate...Tequila for the win!!!!!!   And her own cup to drink said tequila from.

 

The only thing that would have made that gift better was if the cup itself had been emblazoned with Tequila Kate.  I think I would have rolled off of my couch in a fit of spastic giggles if it had.

 

Early here and I'm still on Coffee #1 but I'll be back later as I recall more of the fantastic spastastic events of last night's episode.

 

And next week?  Oh holy hell, that shit looks so juicy I'm debating on changing my work schedule to accommodate viewing it.  

Edited by Persnickety1
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Kristen? Where to begin with Kristen. Just starting with the obvious, I pity the woman who was assigned doing the hair of Cigarette Sally. That limp lank mess of hair must be a nightmare for a stylist to work with. I was amused to see they'd gone with a half-up style. And probably a couple of bottles of hair freshener spray.

This reminds me of something...when I was in college we used to refer to cigarettes, old beer, and febreeze as the Scent of Shame and it usually indicated one had passed out in their clothes, ran to class the next day and febrezed themselves in lieu of a shower.

Edited by The Mighty Peanut
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I was surprised that the wedding dress wasn't cheesier. Honestly, whatever--it's not my thing but I didn't find it so bad. That said, I am not a fan of white wedding dresses anyway; I'll take black, thank you!

 

Also along those lines, Kristen is a whacko (and I love it), but I don't find her to be terrible-looking at all--not even her thin hair; it's just normal thin hair from what I usually see (and I wish mine were thinner). She definitely has angles that are much worse than others, and her face is thin (with sometimes a duck lips look), but she's OK-looking, I think. 

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So a little question for James and Katie; what exactly would Kristen and Schwartz have to do to get you to break up with them? I think that the 2nd or 3rd time I found out my SO had made out with someone else or was texting their ex I'd be out of there. Yet here are these two chuckleheads wondering how to make it work. Anwser: Don't! Run for the damn hills! Especially James. Man, get out of the VPR vortex while you're still young enough to remember how to feel.

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So a little question for James and Katie; what exactly would Kristen and Schwartz have to do to get you to break up with them? I think that the 2nd or 3rd time I found out my SO had made out with someone else or was texting their ex I'd be out of there. Yet here are these two chuckleheads wondering how to make it work. Anwser: Don't! Run for the damn hills! Especially James. Man, get out of the VPR vortex while you're still young enough to remember how to feel.

 

Except I think James isn't in any kind of committed relationship with Kristin.  I think having her as his "girlfriend" gets him a bigger role in VR which he somehow thinks is going to propel his DJ/music producer business to great heights. 

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Except I think James isn't in any kind of committed relationship with Kristin.  I think having her as his "girlfriend" gets him a bigger role in VR which he somehow thinks is going to propel his DJ/music producer business to great heights. 

 

Agreed. And fighting is the surest way to ensure your place in the group. I'm certain they all knew Scheana's wedding would be the last filmed event, so he's going out in style. Then they can either get back together or Kristen can spend all next season with James in the crosshairs instead of FI Tom.

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Ehh, to me there's isn't a huge difference between actually being this pathetic person and portraying yourself as this pathetic person on reality TV. Either way...kind of sad.

I am surprised by how much I like James. He seems to have a relatively high emotional intelligence for this crew. Like telling FI Tom he wasn't going to keep the texting from Kristen until after the wedding. It's just so sad to watch him and Katie sitting around in their best party dress waiting to be picked up for prom. Sadder with Katie though

Edited by FozzyBear
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Nothing exudes "class, elegance and pizzazz" like a shiny white jacket with the groom's name on the collar. Oh, FL Tom... you're a nutcase.

 

 

I like Shay too. I mean, he was so gracious while being presented with that abominable suit jacket by FI Tom. Classy guy.

That jacket looked like something out of "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding".
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I admit, I did feel badly for Scheana when the wedding planner/singer messed up and the song started before she was ready. She must have envisioned that moment a thousand times, and in theory, it should have been the easiest one. But I wonder why they sent in her bridesmaid so much earlier, because that would have been an easy cue for the singer.

 

But overall, her wedding was lovely, whether it was because of her or Bravo or Lisa or all of the above. 

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Shay reminds me of Silent Bob. Jax looks like, I don't know. Wolverine's gross, flatulent, broke, perpetually greasy cousin, Bullverine who secretes grease instead of claws when danger approaches.

The mactors drinking 40s and "pouring a little out." Corny, lame poseurs.

Scheana using money she won in an insurance settlement on her wedding is just...wow. I guess everyone has their priorities.

Did Scheana do something to her teeth and or lips? Her mouth looked really weird.

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I am surprised by how much I like James. He seems to have a relatively high emotional intelligence for this crew.

 

That is a sincerely low bar, I guess.  I honestly can't understand how much love the Muppet gets on this board.  He seems as much if not more of a child than the rest of them, especially in his endless yes-man conversations with the loony Kristin.  -shrug-  Maybe I'm just not seeing it.

 

The weirdness of a discount instagram wedding planner that cost 10% of the reported flower expense is SO weird that I'm beginning to wonder if it wasn't set up by Bravo as part of the spiel and Screechana isn't just going along with it for the dolla dolla bills.

 

I also think Bridezilla is being played up a bit but boys being late to the show for grooming reasons is pretty unforgivable.

 

I am curious who all the unnamed weirdos at the wedding were.  Were any of the show's PAs invited?

Edited by Lassus
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Well the wedding was in a stunning location, but good grief, Scheana was an insufferable bridezilla. I thought it was interesting that she looked nothing like either of her parents (could she be adopted?). Hated hated hated her crop top wedding gown - awkward & totally unflattering on her. At least the bridesmaids looked nice. Poor Shay - white dinner jackets on men always make me think they look like catering staff.

 

Schwartz looked like a complete doofus. Katie needs to run far, far away from him - she can do better.

 

I think there might be hope for Muppet James if he extricates himself from the clutches of crazy Kristen. Looking forward to his blowout with her on next week's episode. Do not disappoint me, show!

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Shay reminds me of Silent Bob. Jax looks like, I don't know. Wolverine's gross, flatulent, broke, perpetually greasy cousin, Bullverine who secretes grease instead of claws when danger approaches.

The mactors drinking 40s and "pouring a little out." Corny, lame poseurs.

Scheana using money she won in an insurance settlement on her wedding is just...wow. I guess everyone has their priorities.

Did Scheana do something to her teeth and or lips? Her mouth looked really weird.

Bullverine!! I died.

I'm also spending too much time reliving my hatred of Jax just having to bring Amal down because he could never hope to reach her level of success, brains, etc, etc. Please may Carmen really leave the reception as possibly implied in the previews, and ignore Jax's patented, "But you SAID" twisting of reality.

That crop top dress doesn't seem to work as well as it could for Scheana's figure. Perhaps there should have been more actual crop? Like the bottom came up too high, or...? But she seemed so happy with it, so what do I know. I liked her flowing hair, and was interested in what it would take to have makeup not budge off your face for a whole day, because I am incapable of making it last for even an hour.

Speaking of makeup, I figured part of the unheard phone convo between Scheana and Kristen (where Scheana would have had to give instructions for what to tell the landlord) involved, "Okay, you're taking valuable sitting on the floor and curling your hair time to do this for me, just get your hair and makeup done here." But damn did it look awkward and uncomfortable.

But I'm not buying Ariana's equally awkward transition in these latter eps from "she can't come between me and Tom" to "I can't be in the same rooooooooom with her!"

Edited by HouseofBeck
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Jax looks like, I don't know. Wolverine's gross, flatulent, broke, perpetually greasy cousin, Bullverine who secretes grease instead of claws when danger approaches.

 

I cannot stop laughing at this. He really is SO greasy! If I could afford it, I would send him a giant basket full of those oil blotter things for your face. Live. At the reunion. 

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Like that shot of Shaena's back fat piece hanging out - maybe that's why the crop-top wedding dress isn't such a good idea.

She should stick with the no-makeup look , her eyes looked pretty before she had all the crap added. Looks like she has had work done.

Yes- Shay is Silent Bob!!!

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Oh lordy, that episode surely did not disappoint.

No doubt. Though, I can't think of the last time this show disappointed me...if ever, hee.

 

I usually don't think of FI Tom in terms of hotness, but boy was looking damn good at the rehearsal dinner.

 

Anybody know why Tina left SUR?

 

Vail's friend, the blonde, looked like the actress who plays Maggie on The Haves and The Have Nots.

I believe that was Max's girlfriend, so if you're right, we now know her full name. Good eye!

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Question, why does Pandora look SO FRUMPY and SO OLD? Her comment about wearing heels b/c her mother hates flats just reinforced her non-existent personality.  Somebody help her!! How old is she for Pete's sake?!!

 

Scheana's constant use of the F word over and over before the wedding procession started was so F-ing annoying! She is as tacky as her dress.  Her parents do seem like nice people though.

 

So is Carmen planning to reunite with Jax? Is that the plan? Is he seriously trying to win her back? Because I don't see much effort going into it.  He's a heartless sociopath.  Why would she even bother?? I liked her dress by the way...

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So is Carmen planning to reunite with Jax? Is that the plan? Is he seriously trying to win her back? Because I don't see much effort going into it.  He's a heartless sociopath.  Why would she even bother?? I liked her dress by the way...

 

For the same reason Vail wants into Jax. He's surefire camera time.

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Shay reminds me of Silent Bob. Jax looks like, I don't know. Wolverine's gross, flatulent, broke, perpetually greasy cousin, Bullverine who secretes grease instead of claws when danger approaches.

The mactors drinking 40s and "pouring a little out." Corny, lame poseurs.

Scheana using money she won in an insurance settlement on her wedding is just...wow. I guess everyone has their priorities.

Did Scheana do something to her teeth and or lips? Her mouth looked really weird.

 

I love you for this entire post.  

 

Bullverine indeed.

 

Regarding Scheana's teeth/mouth, she knocked her front teeth out a couple of seasons ago.

 

When they were in the process of being repaired/capped/whatever, she was a server at a RHOBH party and Brandi made it a point of commenting on how odd and gray her teeth looked.

 

Scheana became so self-conscious after Brandi's comment that she immediately went to Lisa for affirmation that her teeth were not that horrible looking.  Alas, I can't remember if she left the event to go home or stuck it out.  

"I could throw a stone right now and hit a better prospect, so you should probably shut your mouth."

I freaking love Katie.

 

I, too, love Tequila Kate with Cajones.  

For the same reason Vail wants into Jax. He's surefire camera time.

 

BINGO!!!

 

As I said quite awhile back, I don't think Vail is a stupid woman by any stretch of the imagination.

 

She obviously hooked up with this motley crew for the increased exposure, and a flirtation with Jax is the surefire way to achieve that goal.

 

Good on her, if she can get away with it without getting suckered into the other gutter shenanigans at SUR.  

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That crop top dress doesn't seem to work as well as it could for Scheana's figure. Perhaps there should have been more actual crop? Like the bottom came up too high, or...? But she seemed so happy with it, so what do I know. !"

Yeah I dont have a problem with the concept of the dress. I think people should be who they are in their wedding. If you wear glasses, wear them. If you don't like "fancy" stuff, have a casual day. Scheena is trendy and tacky, her dress should be too. My issues was, like you said, the fit was off. I actually think the top should have been smaller or higher. It actually looked more like a two piece dress that had been bought a size too small than a crop top.

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Yeah I dont have a problem with the concept of the dress. I think people should be who they are in their wedding. If you wear glasses, wear them.

 

The dress could have been much-improved with the addition of these glasses: 

 

wap-vanderpump-rules-season-2-ariana-den

Edited by Drogo
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Shay reminds me of Silent Bob. Jax looks like, I don't know. Wolverine's gross, flatulent, broke, perpetually greasy cousin, Bullverine who secretes grease instead of claws when danger approaches.

The mactors drinking 40s and "pouring a little out." Corny, lame poseurs.

Scheana using money she won in an insurance settlement on her wedding is just...wow. I guess everyone has their priorities.

Did Scheana do something to her teeth and or lips? Her mouth looked really weird.

 

omg YES Shay is totally Silent Bob! 

And Bullvarine??? BWAAHH!  Worst.  Supehero. Ever. 

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Yeah I dont have a problem with the concept of the dress. I think people should be who they are in their wedding. If you wear glasses, wear them. If you don't like "fancy" stuff, have a casual day. Scheena is trendy and tacky, her dress should be too. My issues was, like you said, the fit was off. I actually think the top should have been smaller or higher. It actually looked more like a two piece dress that had been bought a size too small than a crop top.

 

I feel like Scheana just doesn't get her own body type very often. Isn't she on the shorter side? I feel like she picks things that crop her, make her look even shorter, and dumpy - which she really isn't. 

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I love all of those gifs. And Scheana's ridiculously oversized glasses.

Seriously, my eye sight is pretty bad, but those coke bottles put me to shame. Maybe Scheena can't see her outfits that well and that's how we ended up with the gold hot pants.

Edited by FozzyBear
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Scheana using money she won in an insurance settlement on her wedding is just...wow. I guess everyone has their priorities.

 

 

Wait -- um, huh???  What insurance settlement?  Did she mention this before?  OK, so maybe she contributed a teeny bit to the wedding, but c'mon, she didn't fork over a 100 thou.  That had to be paid for by Bravo & Lisa.  Man, even Scheana's father looks like he doesn't have 2 dimes to rub together.

 

So did Lisa really contribute 300 bottles of Sangria?  And did Kristen steal 298 of them -- or just gulp down 250 -- at the reception?  Wowza, she's gonna slug poor James but good next ep.  Can't wait to see it.

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That dress was not good. It gave Scheana rolls of back fat and muffin top, all of those pearls were too heavy to stay up, and the top and skirt didn't match at all. But I guess if she designed it and her aunt made it, she was stuck with it. I thought the idea of Tom having Shay's name embroidered under the collar for popped collar party mode was a cute idea, but why was the material so shiny?! Did Shay really not know what he was wearing on his wedding day? I think the only way I'd believe that is if Tom and Scheana picked it our together. What was that ribbon tie that Schwartz had on?! I'm not sure whether these people are trolling us with these outfits, or I'm just so old and unstylish, that these mactors are just so fashion-forward in comparison. The painted wine glasses were a cute idea, but I think the 3D boob accoutrements were too much.

I don't understand why Scheana was just standing there freaking out about the song starting. Why wouldn't she have just sped-walked herself out there? I was thinking okay, she's nervous, and she's freaking out about the guys running late, having to hide in the closet--and why the hell DID it take SO long for them to pass by?! So then when the song started she was already so worked up that she lost it. But based on the previews, it looks like she's freaking out about everything in the reception, too! Just be silly and have the DJ play the song that you want to dance to again--just like you did with the singer--make that your inside joke for the wedding!

Edited by JenE4
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The Hooters lawsuit happened awhile ago. The lawsuit she referred to in this episode was from last season when she had said she knocked her teeth out (first episode of the season at Kyle's house party). She and Stassi had gone to a restaurant and slipped on the floor because it was wet and Scheana's face hit the floor and 2 of her teeth came out and others cracked. That's why she was upset when Stassi never called to check on her after those surgeries she had to have.

Edited by BogoGog24
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The Hooters lawsuit happened awhile ago. The lawsuit she referred to in this episode was from last season when she had said she knocked her teeth out (first episode of the season at Kyle's house party). She and Stassi had gone to a restaurant and slipped on the floor because it was wet and Scheana's face hit the floor and 2 of her teeth came out and others cracked. That's why she was upset when Stassi never called to check on her after those surgeries she had to have.

Interesting. I've never busted my ass and knocked teeth and cracked others. Mind you I've busted my ass after too many cocktails, but the chompers stayed intact. What kind of fucking fantastic fall was this? I almost see like a slow motion somersault somehow being involved.

Yes, I know real and horrific falls happen everyday. Myself fell once and had a compound ankle fracture. Oddly, it didnt end in litigation (and yes, in hindsight guess it could). Schena is just a walking disaster. How many times has she been hurt? How many times has she sued? Hooters too? Haha, this show is so much better than fiction.

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Shay reminds me of Silent Bob. Jax looks like, I don't know. Wolverine's gross, flatulent, broke, perpetually greasy cousin, Bullverine who secretes grease instead of claws when danger approaches.

 

 

Bullverine....LOL!!!

I have been wracking my brain about who/what Jax reminds me of, and it finally came to me.  There was a Saturday morning cartoon many, many years ago...Beanie and Cecil - Jax reminds me of a greasier, gross version of Cecil (the sea serpent)....

136.jpg

Edited by njbchlover
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