Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[Jane Tuesday]

My sister has five kids, so she's on the opposite end of the scale, and you wouldn't believe the things people say to her.  It's basically:

When they were married, no kids: "don't you want children?"

When they had one: "when are you giving her a sibling?"

When they had two (girls): "are you going to try for a boy?"

When they had three (girls): "don't you know what causes that?"

When they had the fourth (boy): "at least (my BIL) finally got a boy!"

When they had the fifth (another boy): "Oh, wow, at your age?"

Seriously.  And it's usually random strangers or super-casual acquaintances.

 

The grandparent co-worker thing... some people just LOVE being grandparents.  I think in their hearts, they think their friends are missing out on this magical experience, and can't imagine that somebody could be okay with that.  I don't think they're necessarily being judgy, or trying to justify their own lives or whatever.  It's just hard for them to believe that something that's so central to their own experience could be completely unnecessary to someone they know.

That said, the time to make comments about other people's choices to have or not have children is approximately never.  If for no other reason than you never know who has had fertility issues, or miscarriages, or maybe has a genetic condition they don't want to pass on.

[Annber03]

4 minutes ago, Jane Tuesday said:

When they had three (girls): "don't you know what causes that?"

What on earth...? 

[Jane Tuesday]

2 minutes ago, Annber03 said:

What on earth...? 

Yep.  Not that you can pick gender, obviously.  But more that - if she had been a boy - having three would be understandable.  Since she was another girl, the reaction was more, "omg, so many children!"

Basically, in our society you're supposed to have a boy and a girl, spaced three years apart.  No children, and you're selfish.  One child is going to be a brat.  Three is "so many!"  If you don't have a boy, that's a commentary on dad's manhood.  If you don't have a girl, mom doesn't get to play dress-up.  Closer than three years, and you're "crazy!"  More than four years apart, and "they'll never really be close."  It's insane.

[Quof]

1 hour ago, icemiser69 said:

The sad part is that I am viewed as a horrible human being for not liking kids

There's a difference between "not liking" and actively disliking.  I am absolutely indifferent to children, just as I am with animals.  They don't interest me.  I don't seek them out. I don't find them inherently interesting or endearing. I'm glad people who like them have them.  I pay them no attention, until they do something that affects me - like make noise, a mess or a smell. Then I dislike them.  

[Annber03]

7 minutes ago, Jane Tuesday said:

Yep.  Not that you can pick gender, obviously.  But more that - if she had been a boy - having three would be understandable.  Since she was another girl, the reaction was more, "omg, so many children!"

Basically, in our society you're supposed to have a boy and a girl, spaced three years apart.  No children, and you're selfish.  One child is going to be a brat.  Three is "so many!"  If you don't have a boy, that's a commentary on dad's manhood.  If you don't have a girl, mom doesn't get to play dress-up.  Closer than three years, and you're "crazy!"  More than four years apart, and "they'll never really be close."  It's insane.

Oh, wow. That...would definitely drive me nuts, yes. That's so strange. 

[peacheslatour]

39 minutes ago, Annber03 said:

Oh, wow. That...would definitely drive me nuts, yes. That's so strange. 

My mom's mother had three kids. There was a philosophy at the time that you had to have three children. One each to replace you and your spouse and one "for the world".

[supposebly]

My poor mother had me exactly 9 months after her wedding at the age of 22. When I realized that at the ripe age of 15, I asked her: that couldn't have been the plan?

She said: It certainly wasn't! 

Luckily, she had me in a larger city hospital and got a prescription for the pill from the doctor there. The next one was planned. The third one was not. What reason? The country family doctor said to her: You're still young, you can have a few more. She didn't realize she should insist and didn't think she would find another doctor. This is early 1970s in a rural catholic area of Germany. 

1 year, 5 months later, I had a sister. My mom loves us all but she never bugged me about having children. 

[supposebly]

I like kids. That's why I don't have any. I never felt I could raise one adequately. And I reallly wouldn't want to deal with puberty.

[Gramto6]

Very interesting discussion! I am the middle child of 3- 2 boys and me described as the "ham in the middle of the swiss cheese sandwich". Yeah pretty bad. My mom had a miscarriage between me and each of my brothers. Very abusive and dysfunctional childhood. I had very difficult  pregnancies with both of my children ie toxemia and ordered bed rest. I love my kids to death and would do anything (within reason) for them, but of the 3 kids each has had I don't have that close a connection with most. I'm in MT they are all in CA. DS's girls are in college youngest a senior in HS. DD's kids are toddlers and a 10yr old girl, she is the one I am closest to. We facetime a drawing each day on a agreed upon subject, it is a fun exchange. I never pressured either of them for grands...maybe I am not the best gram but I do love them all.

[KittyMom4]

18 hours ago, Bastet said:

they know how important it is to, you know, want to be a parent if you're going to be one

This. If you don't feel you can sacrifice your time, energy and money for the next 20+ years please do not have children. They are forever, you don't get to return them when they are sick, bratty or difficult. 

18 hours ago, Annber03 said:

But most of her co-workers are grandparents

I had my kids at 22 and 26 respectively and their father and I divorced when my oldest was 11 and my youngest was 7. My ex became an every-other-weekend-dad so I spent my 30's & 40's raising my kids pretty much on my own. I loved being a mom. That being said, even if my girls did decide to have children they know that I will not be the grandma that takes them every weekend or shows up at soccer games and dance recitals. Been there, done that, and I don't want to do it again. Listening to some of my coworkers go on and on about their grandkids and shoving their phones in my face to show me pics of them doing these things makes my eyes glaze over. 

 

[WinnieWinkle]

My grandchildren mean the world to me and I am glad my kids live close enough that I have been a part of their lives (well this year being 2020 that's less true but anyway...) but I've had to struggle with setting some boundaries.  I raised my kids, I am not going to raise my grandkids and it did take awhile to negotiate that fine line between helping out and being taken advantage of!

[peacheslatour]

Quote

Family reunions were brutal with a bunch of nieces and nephews running around and screaming and my siblings just letting it happen without intervening or even trying to get them to tone it down.

Speaking of Pet Peeves. Why do people do this? I would never let my kid run around, let alone be screaming and disruptive. If they can't behave right, don't let them out in public until they can.

[SuprSuprElevated]

52 minutes ago, icemiser69 said:

If they have the fun in making them, it is their responsibility to raise them. 

As my dear departed friend used to say, kids are the screwin' you get for the screwin' you got.

49 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

Speaking of Pet Peeves. Why do people do this? I would never let my kid run around, let alone be screaming and disruptive. If they can't behave right, don't let them out in public until they can.

Yes, and better yet, realize that they likely won't get to that place by themselves.  You have to parent them there.

[WinnieWinkle]

1 hour ago, peacheslatour said:

Why do people do this? I would never let my kid run around, let alone be screaming and disruptive. If they can't behave right, don't let them out in public until they can.

Or the flip side to this are the parents who are so obsessed with their kids behaving perfectly that they can't let their kids be kids.  One thing to keep a tight rein on their behavior in the mall quite another at grandma's house!  My ex brother in law (note the ex part)  drove us all crazy at family gatherings by seeming to think his kids were actually not in Nanny's living room but at boot camp and he was the Sarge in Charge,  

Edited December 15, 2020 by WinnieWinkle

[PRgal]

On 12/14/2020 at 11:45 AM, icemiser69 said:

I was in a remedial reading class when I was a kid.  I could read without a problem, my ability to recall what I read was the problem.  Choking under pressure to recall the information, anxiety induced, was the real problem.   I was a horrible test taker.  I did everything I could to avoid public speaking.  I hated that with a passion.  Every time that I was required to publicly speak I choked.   That was horrible, that kind of feeds on itself.   That is one of those get back on the horse before it rides off types of things.  

I listen to a lot of music on SiriusXM.  It is kind of nice having some of the former MTV VJ's on there, but there are times when I just want to listen to music without having to listen to them babble.

I still have trouble recalling what I read sometimes.  If I’m interested, then it works.  If I’m not, then it’s in one ear, out the other (or should it be eyes??).  It’s amazing that I managed to get through a highly challenging high school, university and grad school!

[peacheslatour]

1 minute ago, WinnieWinkle said:

Or the flip side to this are the parents who are so obsessed with their kids behaving perfectly that they can't let their kids be kids.  One thing to keep a tight rein on their behavior in the mall quite another at grandma's house!  My ex brother in law (note the ex part)  drove us all crazy at family gatherings by seeming to think his kids were actually not in Nanny's living room but at boot camp and he was the Sarge in Charge,  

Oh, yeah. There is no reason to be an asshole about it. When my son was about three he refused to ride in the cart at the supermarket and wouldn't stay with me. I left a whole cart full of groceries with a cashier and took him home. I wouldn't take him grocery shopping with me for a year. I didn't yell or punish him, I just quietly removed him and left it at that. The next time I took him he stayed with me and I never had that problem again.

[SuprSuprElevated]

3 minutes ago, WinnieWinkle said:

Or the flip side to this are the parents who are so obsessed with their kids behaving perfectly that they can't let their kids be kids.  One thing to keep a tight rein on their behavior in the mall quite another at grandma's house!  My ex brother in law (note the ex part)  drove us all crazy at family gatherings by seeming to think his kids were actually not in Nanny's living room but at boot camp and he was the Sarge in Charge,  

Totally agree, and I feel this in concert with my previous^ post. You can parent and guide without being like you say, a drill sargeant.  My b-i-l was a nervous paranoiac any time his kids behaved like well, kids.  They weren't even being disruptive, and he would check them.  Used to tick me off.

[isalicat]

4 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

Speaking of Pet Peeves. Why do people do this? I would never let my kid run around, let alone be screaming and disruptive. If they can't behave right, don't let them out in public until they can.

Actually the people across the street (and its a very wide street) from me have a couple of small daughters that spend a lot of time in their backyard. The houses over there are cross-wise to us (so their backyard - well fenced, by the way - borders the wide street. These girls shriek and scream almost continuously, to the point where I was worried they were being tortured or something so went over there....but no, they just scream at each other all the damn time when they are outside so loudly that it is completely obnoxious should I want to open my front door for air on a nice day. I had a workman over doing some stuff to the front of the house and he heard this "geshray" (a fine old Yiddish word) and was astounded. I can't imagine why the parents think this is fine, or maybe just think it is fine because the girls are not inside with them....

My parents, who were not especially strict, would have not allowed me to make that kind of noise for more than 20 seconds, tops.

[peacheslatour]

22 minutes ago, isalicat said:

Actually the people across the street (and its a very wide street) from me have a couple of small daughters that spend a lot of time in their backyard. The houses over there are cross-wise to us (so their backyard - well fenced, by the way - borders the wide street. These girls shriek and scream almost continuously, to the point where I was worried they were being tortured or something so went over there....but no, they just scream at each other all the damn time when they are outside so loudly that it is completely obnoxious should I want to open my front door for air on a nice day. I had a workman over doing some stuff to the front of the house and he heard this "geshray" (a fine old Yiddish word) and was astounded. I can't imagine why the parents think this is fine, or maybe just think it is fine because the girls are not inside with them....

My parents, who were not especially strict, would have not allowed me to make that kind of noise for more than 20 seconds, tops.

Yep. Our next door neighbors, when their daughters were young did the same thing. It drives me insane. I was a little girl once and I certainly did not run around screaming like that. Why do the do that?

[magicdog]

On 12/14/2020 at 8:33 AM, icemiser69 said:

Is there a Christmas hard candy shortage?  Just asking, because I can't find it anywhere.  

Swiss Colony has that.   Vermont Country Store has the dreaded ribbon candy, but they also have lots of goodies - especially Christmas related stuff like classic toys and liquor filled chocolates!  

[peacheslatour]

22 minutes ago, magicdog said:

Swiss Colony has that.   Vermont Country Store has the dreaded ribbon candy, but they also have lots of goodies - especially Christmas related stuff like classic toys and liquor filled chocolates!  

I used to get their little chocolate cups and fill them with chocolate mousse.

[tiftgirl]

The only thing that made me really sad about not being able to have children is that my Daddy would never get to be a grandfather.  I'm an only child so it's not like I have siblings that could have made him one.  He would have been the best grandfather!  When I was a little girl he used to let me curl his hair and paint his fingernails....and then go work the night shift as a ship welder!

 

[peacheslatour]

1 hour ago, tiftgirl said:

The only thing that made me really sad about not being able to have children is that my Daddy would never get to be a grandfather.  I'm an only child so it's not like I have siblings that could have made him one.  He would have been the best grandfather!  When I was a little girl he used to let me curl his hair and paint his fingernails....and then go work the night shift as a ship welder!

 

That is so sweet. My dad treated me like a boy. I didn't mind though, for the first eleven years of my life I pretty much was a boy.

Edited December 16, 2020 by peacheslatour

[Katy M]

Against my better judgment, I trudged down to the parking garage to pay for my parking. In hindsight, it totally would have been worth a ticket to stay home. Anyway, the place was full and this truck comes in as I am at the pay and display thing getting a ticket.  He then proceeds to follow me, I assume looking for a parking spot.  Seriously?  I am clearly jsut going to my car to put the stub in the windshield.

[Nicmar]

On 12/15/2020 at 2:54 PM, isalicat said:

Actually the people across the street (and its a very wide street) from me have a couple of small daughters that spend a lot of time in their backyard. The houses over there are cross-wise to us (so their backyard - well fenced, by the way - borders the wide street. These girls shriek and scream almost continuously, to the point where I was worried they were being tortured or something so went over there....but no, they just scream at each other all the damn time when they are outside so loudly that it is completely obnoxious should I want to open my front door for air on a nice day. I had a workman over doing some stuff to the front of the house and he heard this "geshray" (a fine old Yiddish word) and was astounded. I can't imagine why the parents think this is fine, or maybe just think it is fine because the girls are not inside with them....

My parents, who were not especially strict, would have not allowed me to make that kind of noise for more than 20 seconds, tops.

At least they were in the backyard. We have neighbors that let their kids play out in the street .the neighbor who has a big pool  in the backyard had little blowup pool in her front yard  for her youngest, which to me doesn't make sense. the next door neighbors has two older girls who play on a softball team and they practice in the street. It makes my husband mad because he feels like yelling at them.

[PRgal]

Two uberwoke people recently challenged my views on the lack of discussion regarding "class privilege" - I said it goes beyond the whole "bring a toy or canned food during the holiday season" view.  I was talking about acknowledging that class privilege transcends ethnicity and faith and even immigration status.  And that the dislike of people who are even solidly middle class (we're not "normal people"), depending on how you define "middle class," makes certain people hide their backgrounds.  There's a reason why some people in my circle joke about "slumming."

[Growsonwalls]

My pet peeve is IG stories that are unboxing gifts people sent you. Whenever I click on an IG story and it's an unboxing frenzy with squeals of "Omg! Thank you sooo much!" I stop watching the story. 

[PRgal]

55 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

My pet peeve is IG stories that are unboxing gifts people sent you. Whenever I click on an IG story and it's an unboxing frenzy with squeals of "Omg! Thank you sooo much!" I stop watching the story. 

Goodness, those people bother me too.  I don't understand why you need to share that.  Can't you just take a picture and post it afterwards? 

[Growsonwalls]

15 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Goodness, those people bother me too.  I don't understand why you need to share that.  Can't you just take a picture and post it afterwards? 

It's especially bad this time of year. Like I feel like gifts are a private thing. Why the need to livestream an "unboxing" with shrieking at every opened gift?

[theatremouse]

Peeve I didn't know I had until recently: I am completely over the phrase "cutting onions" as a euphemism for "crying". Maybe I just heard it one too many times? Maybe I just heard it six times in a row too many times? But lately it makes me want to throw things. Just say "crying" or "moved to tears" or, I donno, come up with a new metaphor, but this onion business drives me nuts. It's not cute. It's not funny. I don't know if I'm actually hearing people say this more frequently now or if it's one of those I noticed and that's why it seems to be everywhere, but ugh. 

[CrazyInAlabama]

On 12/15/2020 at 2:54 PM, isalicat said:

Actually the people across the street (and its a very wide street) from me have a couple of small daughters that spend a lot of time in their backyard. The houses over there are cross-wise to us (so their backyard - well fenced, by the way - borders the wide street. These girls shriek and scream almost continuously, to the point where I was worried they were being tortured or something so went over there....but no, they just scream at each other all the damn time when they are outside so loudly that it is completely obnoxious should I want to open my front door for air on a nice day. I had a workman over doing some stuff to the front of the house and he heard this "geshray" (a fine old Yiddish word) and was astounded. I can't imagine why the parents think this is fine, or maybe just think it is fine because the girls are not inside with them....

My parents, who were not especially strict, would have not allowed me to make that kind of noise for more than 20 seconds, tops.

Where I lived about 10 years ago, the next door neighbors were super strict with their oldest two kids (junior high, and high school), to the point that even I thought they were too strict.   But the kid who was about 4 or 5 when I moved in was totally spoiled.   I knew when she was outside, because she never stopped shrieking.    I even changed my grocery shopping schedule, because if I went Friday after work, you could hear her endless screaming all over the store.    It wasn't that there was some other issue either, just a spoiled little kid.   I bet the mother still spoils her too.  

[Growsonwalls]

There's actually an article about why people do so many unboxing videos on IG.

[DrSpaceman73]

Here is a pet peeve of mine : neighborhood associations.  

What kind of supermutant new age Karen's runs these things?   Got a letter literally because of weeds in our yard.   You go around to every house looking for weeds?   Get a life. 

[SuprSuprElevated]

2 hours ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

Here is a pet peeve of mine : neighborhood associations.  

What kind of supermutant new age Karen's runs these things?   Got a letter literally because of weeds in our yard.   You go around to every house looking for weeds?   Get a life. 

HOAs can be a slippery slope, I agree.  Overall, the purpose is to support home values and a desirable way of life.  I do believe that some go crazy with control, and an HOA is only as good as the people in charge, so if you think a change is needed at the top...be the change?

[Mindthinkr]

A lot of people in my neighborhood are irked with our HOA. They decided to upgrade our landscaper, so they found a new provider and signed a 3 year contract. This is costing everyone a 15% rate increase in their dues for less service. They should have put it to a vote. Truth is no matter who does what, there are always going to be homeowners who are unhappy. 

[SuprSuprElevated]

55 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

This is costing everyone a 15% rate increase in their dues for less service.

That is ridiculous.  I would be a very vocal homeowner if that happened in our development.  Follow the money to see who the new landscaper is related to. 🧐

Edited December 19, 2020 by SuprSuprElevated

[DrSpaceman73]

1 hour ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

HOAs can be a slippery slope, I agree.  Overall, the purpose is to support home values and a desirable way of life.  I do believe that some go crazy with control, and an HOA is only as good as the people in charge, so if you think a change is needed at the top...be the change?

Yeah.....I don't want the job.  

I know their purpose but I think alll to often they become ways for power hungry people to exert control over others and nitpick things.  It's not a slippery slope it's a cliff that can collapse quickly.  

We've lived on two houses and two HOAs the last 10 years. Our last one was ok.   Once a year check things sure we will fix stuff.  

This one .....always something constantly sending letters over every little thing.  

[Mindthinkr]

@DrSpaceman73 All those letters would be annoying and I bet a few people are tired of them and they go right into the garbage. 
 

@SuprSuprElevated lol...no they aren’t related to anyone on the board. They do the Big HOA’s grounds and golf course. Yes folks. I have 2 HOA’s to contend with. They both charge me and the people on my streets board tend to get petty if you aren’t on their good side. I am Switzerland and stay to myself. Generally I enjoy the neighbors. We used to have a cocktail party every other month, but that went out when Covid came in. 

[GaT]

6 hours ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

Here is a pet peeve of mine : neighborhood associations.  

What kind of supermutant new age Karen's runs these things?   Got a letter literally because of weeds in our yard.   You go around to every house looking for weeds?   Get a life. 

Where we used to live our neighbor got a letter from the HOA telling him that his bushes were too "bushy".

[DrSpaceman73]

36 minutes ago, GaT said:

Where we used to live our neighbor got a letter from the HOA telling him that his bushes were too "bushy".

Was their house to 'bricky'?

 

[Bastet]

I will never live in a house that is part of a development with an HOA.  When I lived in a townhouse, of course we had one with CC&Rs we were all bound by, because there were common areas to be maintained and uniformity (e.g. front doors all being the same color and porch lights all being the same) makes sense with a building.  But a big hell to the no to living in my own house on my own lot and having it dictated to me what colors I can paint my house, what landscaping I can use, etc.

We have a group of busybodies who formed a "[Neighborhood] Homeowners Association" and they sure like to think they have actual power, but they don't.  So they drive around daily - I shit you not - looking for stuff that might be judged to run afoul of a municipal ordinance (you know, those actual rules limiting what homeowners can do) and report those things to the City (whose employees absolutely detest them, but do sometimes get involved just to shut them up for a bit).

My best friend now lives in a cute house in a "regular" neighborhood, but the two before that were in cookie cutter developments where I had to memorize landmarks in order to find her damn house because they all looked the same and I didn't want to be squinting to locate her address.  Different strokes, of course, it's just not at all my thing.

Edited December 19, 2020 by Bastet

[peacheslatour]

Quote

Attentionwhoreitis.    I don't understand it.  I wonder if something is missing in their lives that causes them to turn everything into a public spectacle.   I think it all started with AFV which I hate with a passion, and then when the internet became a big thing it just moved on over.

It's marketing Check this out:

"A nine-year-old boy has been ranked as this year's highest paid YouTuber, raking in a whopping £22 million.

Ryan Kaji earns $29.5 million in a year just by "unboxing" and reviewing toys and games online.

The youngster has ranked the highest for the third year running, earning £20 million last year.

Along with his YouTube income, the lad from Texas earns $200 million from his own "Ryan's World" branded toys and clothes.

As if that's not enough – Ryan has reportedly signed an undisclosed deal for his own series on Nickelodeon, which would most likely see him earning millions more.

Nearly 9% of the Ryan ToysReview videos have included at least one paid product recommendation aimed at preschoolers, a group too young to distinguish between a commercial and a review.

These advertisements often depict unhealthy foods,” according to a complaint from consumer watchdog, Truth In Advertising.

Professor of journalism and media studies, Benjamin Burroughs, has expressed concerns about the rise of child influencers."

[supposebly]

7 minutes ago, icemiser69 said:

It would make more sense if that occurred at a nudist colony.

Not really. They tend to be a lot less judgmental. 😉 

[supposebly]

44 minutes ago, icemiser69 said:

Even as a young child I don't think that would have any affect on me.

I think it would have had an effect on me in my teens once I understood how tight money was in my family at the time. At that age, in the olden times, it would have been difficult to make a lot of money quickly at that age. So, this seems accessible and looks easy and doable at that age. Even adults get caught up in get-rich-quick schemes all the time. 

[Browncoat]

2 hours ago, Bastet said:

but the two before that were in cookie cutter developments where I had to memorize landmarks in order to find her damn house because they all looked the same

Little boxes, little boxes, little boxes made of ticky-tacky... and they all look just the same.

[PRgal]

Kid influencers all need to have a trust set up that is for them and can't touch until they are of age (nor can their family members).  I hope their families seek legal and financial help.  Otherwise, I worry about the parents.  I'm not sure if standard child star rules apply for "influencers."

[DrSpaceman73]

1 hour ago, Browncoat said:

Little boxes, little boxes, little boxes made of ticky-tacky... and they all look just the same.

Love that weeds theme song.  

[Browncoat]

20 minutes ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

Love that weeds theme song.  

I had no idea -- never seen Weeds.  I know it from Pete Seeger (though it was written by Malvina Reynolds).

[peacheslatour]

3 hours ago, icemiser69 said:

Of course, they have a lot less to hide, especially in the colder climates.

[auntlada]

2 hours ago, Browncoat said:

Little boxes, little boxes, little boxes made of ticky-tacky... and they all look just the same.

You beat me to it. I was going to see if there was a video.