Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[TattleTeeny]

5 hours ago, auntlada said:

Middle school and junior high kids have proms? Huh.

I think most gender reveal stuff is dumb, but I do have a friend who had gender reveal cupcakes about her yet-to-be-born baby for her older son and daughters. It was just a family thing, though.

I don't know if ours was officially called a prom in junior high--it was just the last dance of the year and generally a bit fancier than the others but still in the gym (unlike the normal high school proms). So I guess "fancier" just meant "special" dresses and a few balloons or some shit. And they always ended these dances with Stairway to Heaven"! I was in 8th grade in the mid-80s!

Edited December 13, 2020 by TattleTeeny

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

I would be low-key shocked to find out that anyone graduating in the last quarter century (I'm being a bit generous) is a first generation graduate in their respective families, prompting the need for a tent, a caterer, and a valet to park the cars.  

The first generation scenario you describe is nowhere near as rare as you think it is, but such families also generally cannot afford tents, caterers, and valet parking at the celebration they throw to celebrate the graduate's hard-won achievement.  Most of these lavish high school graduation parties are, indeed, for kids for whom graduating high school was a given, and whose diploma is just the first of the degrees they'll accumulate.

[magicdog]

Quote

we had whatever those bananas-on-fire are called

Bananas Foster.

[SuprSuprElevated]

7 hours ago, Bastet said:

The first generation scenario you describe is nowhere near as rare as you think it is, but such families also generally cannot afford tents, caterers, and valet parking at the celebration they throw to celebrate the graduate's hard-won achievement.  Most of these lavish high school graduation parties are, indeed, for kids for whom graduating high school was a given, and whose diploma is just the first of the degrees they'll accumulate.

I was being a bit tongue-in-cheek with the tent and caterer comment, but I've seen people with far less in the asset column spend and do more than I think necessary for a child graduating high school.

[Quof]

9 hours ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

Why are we so obsessed with lauding little Johnny and Jane, in the 21st century mind you, for managing to get through 13 years of school? 

I feel the same way about kindergarten "graduations".   I am all for cake, any time, any day, but why the huge production of a ceremony, cap and gown and diplomas?  Do you really not expect your child to accomplish anything more significant in their life, so you have to latch onto this opportunity to fete them? 

[Katy M]

11 hours ago, BookWoman56 said:

I have never understood the rationale for even having a gender reveal party. If the parents think their family and friends are that obsessed with whether it’s a girl or boy, then just post the info on social media or whatever. There are too many horror stories out there about the materials used in gender reveal parties causing fires, plus all the anecdotes about the father throwing a public hissy fit when he finds out he’s having a daughter rather than a son. I understand customs evolve and gender reveal parties are a trend now , but I really think that it shouldn’t be that big of a deal whether it’s female or male, and that if it is a big deal to one or both parents, they need to find out in a private setting and process their feelings on it rather than surrounded by other people. 

Or, if you must have one, just do the thing where you cut into a cake and it's pink or blue.  That's not dangerous, at least.  And then people get cake.  I don't like cake, but I guess most people do.

 

9 hours ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

I'm here to say that I think high school graduation parties have gone rogue. Why are we so obsessed with lauding little Johnny and Jane, in the 21st century mind you, for managing to get through 13 years of school?  I would be low-key shocked to find out that anyone graduating in the last quarter century (I'm being a bit generous) is a first generation graduate in their respective families, prompting the need for a tent, a caterer, and a valet to park the cars.  

I agree with you on big huge celebrations.  I haed school.  No, I was never in danger of not graduating, but it was still an accomplishment to endure.  We just had a barbecue with immediate family and my mom gave me 12 presents, 1 for each year.  Now, before anybody calls me a spoiled brat, I don't remember what all of them were, but to give you an idea, one was a laundry basket (which I still have).

[SuprSuprElevated]

16 minutes ago, Quof said:

I feel the same way about kindergarten "graduations".   I am all for cake, any time, any day, but why the huge production of a ceremony, cap and gown and diplomas?  Do you really not expect your child to accomplish anything more significant in their life, so you have to latch onto this opportunity to fete them? 

Exactly!

[SuprSuprElevated]

14 minutes ago, Katy M said:

Or, if you must have one, just do the thing where you cut into a cake and it's pink or blue.  That's not dangerous, at least.  And then people get cake.  I don't like cake, but I guess most people do.

 

I agree with you on big huge celebrations.  I haed school.  No, I was never in danger of not graduating, but it was still an accomplishment to endure.  We just had a barbecue with immediate family and my mom gave me 12 presents, 1 for each year.  Now, before anybody calls me a spoiled brat, I don't remember what all of them were, but to give you an idea, one was a laundry basket (which I still have).

I'm also in the camp of folks who weren't enamored with high school.  I enjoyed school before that, and my negative experiences were tied more to the social and anthropological challenges.  Was glad to be done with it.  My parents wouldn't have dreamed of having a party, so perhaps that rubbed off on me.

[DrSpaceman73]

Graduations should be for high school and college only.   And agree not huge ones.   

And it's not just because of accomplishing the feat of graduating high school.  It's more at that point because it's a stepping stone to a new part of life. Whether it be college, military, a job, it's ending one part and starting another.  Worth at least recognizing.  

Middle school? Kindergarten?   No.  Shut it down. 

I'll give gender reveal parties an ok for pink/blue cake, icing, whatever.  That's it. 

Promposals are still a no.  Just ask them.  

The grumpy old man has spoken.  

Edited December 13, 2020 by DrSpaceman73

[ginger90]

I went to a private school K-8. We had a graduation ceremony. We didn’t all move on to the same high school. Most applied to private high schools, some went to public high school.
 

Edited December 13, 2020 by ginger90

[ParadoxLost]

The thing about covid is I haven't had much little stuff to come complain about, but now I found something.

I bought some candy canes.  Three different varieties.  And they all taste terrible. 

[annzeepark914]

16 hours ago, BookWoman56 said:

I have never understood the rationale for even having a gender reveal party. If the parents think their family and friends are that obsessed with whether it’s a girl or boy, then just post the info on social media or whatever. There are too many horror stories out there about the materials used in gender reveal parties causing fires, plus all the anecdotes about the father throwing a public hissy fit when he finds out he’s having a daughter rather than a son. I understand customs evolve and gender reveal parties are a trend now , but I really think that it shouldn’t be that big of a deal whether it’s female or male, and that if it is a big deal to one or both parents, they need to find out in a private setting and process their feelings on it rather than surrounded by other people. 

Reading this made me feel bad. Father hissy fits are usually when these jerks find out the baby is a female. Far too many cultures still consider girls/women as inferior. 

[PRgal]

5 hours ago, Quof said:

I feel the same way about kindergarten "graduations".   I am all for cake, any time, any day, but why the huge production of a ceremony, cap and gown and diplomas?  Do you really not expect your child to accomplish anything more significant in their life, so you have to latch onto this opportunity to fete them? 

It really depends.  There are some private pre-schools which have kindergartens, so yeah, the kids do "graduate" when they move on to a school for Grade 1.   As for "gender reveals,"  we told everyone (and included a guess what PRgal and PRguy will be having game) at our shower.  Even as a woman, I was hoping for a boy because, well, girls are mean (and many who were mean girls in middle and high school still are as adults).  And I also didn't want to feel badly later on if she didn't get into my alma mater or preferred a rival school.  Now that I have a boy and won't be having more kids, there's no "legacy" vibe.  

[auntlada]

6 hours ago, Quof said:

I feel the same way about kindergarten "graduations".   I am all for cake, any time, any day, but why the huge production of a ceremony, cap and gown and diplomas?  Do you really not expect your child to accomplish anything more significant in their life, so you have to latch onto this opportunity to fete them? 

We had kindergarten graduation back in the early 1970s. There was no party, but it was a special graduation ceremony in the gym/cafeteria/auditorium (the room with the stage that served all purposes for that school). Most of us were probably going to first grade in that school, but we were graduation from half-day to full-day school. (That was back when kindergarten was only a half-day program in our state. I think it's full-day in most places now. Even pre-K is full-day in most places, I think.) I don't remember robes of any kind, but we did have caps. They were made of construction paper. We also probably sang some songs or something. I think kindergarten was still relatively new in our town then because I went, and my brother who is two years older went, but my brother who is six years older than me started school in first grade. We did not have a big party that I remember, and I doubt anyone else did either. I doubt we even had cake at home, although I'm always up for cake.

I also wanted a boy because I was afraid that if I had a girl, she would be a girly girl, and I would not know what to do (fixing hair, cosmetics, etc.). Sometimes I wish I also had a girl, though, because the selection of girls' clothes is always so much larger than that of boys' clothes, even when they are babies. But I've had a lot of fun being a Scout leader and learning to carve wood with a knife and shoot a bow and arrow and BB gun and do other outdoor Scout things.

Edited December 13, 2020 by auntlada

[GaT]

7 hours ago, Quof said:

I feel the same way about kindergarten "graduations".   I am all for cake, any time, any day, but why the huge production of a ceremony, cap and gown and diplomas?  Do you really not expect your child to accomplish anything more significant in their life, so you have to latch onto this opportunity to fete them? 

Think about all the parents in the "Varsity Blues" scandal. Apparently none of them felt their kids were smart enough to get into college so they had to bribe their way in. I'm guessing they aren't looking to see a bunch of accomplishments coming from their offspring.

7 hours ago, Katy M said:

I don't like cake,

Sorry, I would have posted sooner but my brain shorted out after I read that sentence. I don't think I've ever seen words put together like that before. 😲

[TattleTeeny]

Haha, I am not a cake fan either!

[peacheslatour]

I was glad to have a boy because I would have been way harder on a girl.

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, auntlada said:

Sometimes I wish I also had a girl, though, because the selection of girls' clothes is always so much larger than that of boys' clothes, even when they are babies.

My parents both wanted a girl, and this reminds me that one of the reasons my mom was happy to have had one is that shopping for my clothes was so much easier and more fun than it would have been shopping for a little boy.

[peacheslatour]

13 minutes ago, Bastet said:

My parents both wanted a girl, and this reminds me that one of the reasons my mom was happy to have had one is that shopping for my clothes was so much easier and more fun than it would have been shopping for a little boy.

I liked shopping for my boy, especially for toys. I was an only child so I didn't know from boys toys but man are there some cool ones!

[auntlada]

I will agree that toys marketed toward boys are much cooler than those marketed toward girls, which brings to mind another peeve, but it's a snow day here and I don't want to get started on that one.

[bilgistic]

42 minutes ago, Bastet said:

My parents both wanted a girl, and this reminds me that one of the reasons my mom was happy to have had one is that shopping for my clothes was so much easier and more fun than it would have been shopping for a little boy.

My niece, now 13, loved playing with traditionally "male" toys like cars and superheroes when she was younger. She liked dressing in gender-neutral clothing from a very early age—think animals on t-shirts and shorts/jeans instead of angels and bows on dresses. It wasn't too hard to find clothes for her—we just shopped in the toddler boys and young boys sections until she got to be about pre-teen age and started showing a very slight preference toward more "feminine" clothing. My sister and I are not overly "feminine", so none of it mattered one bit to us.

[Bastet]

I liked all of it - jeans, shorts, t-shirts, dresses, sandals, sneakers, mary janes, etc. - since what I wanted to wear depended on what I was doing; I loved dressing up for special events, but day to day at school I needed something I could play in at recess.  So there was a lot of cute stuff to choose from, and we enjoyed shopping for clothes -  and for patterns and material for the clothes my mom made me - together.  (I still like a wide variety of clothes and shoes but now I have to be in just the right mood to shop, as does my mom - and we usually aren't.)

I liked a variety of toys, too, so we shopped in both the "girls" and "boys" sections (which is so ridiculous; how we designate clothing by gender is bad enough, but toys?!).

Edited December 13, 2020 by Bastet

[isalicat]

By the time I hit 30 years of age (and had already been married for nine years), my mom was in full on "I must have a grandchild NOW" mode...and I knew she desperately wanted me to have a girl because I was not at all a "girly girl", preferring overalls from middle school right through high school to anything else (although being very petite and wearing the overalls with cute little peasant shirts did mitigate the masculinity of overalls to a certain extent). I had a boy after 6 years of "trying" ("trying" rocks!) and being told I wasn't going to be able to have children at all (doctors don't know everything, eh?). All I cared about was that the baby was healthy (he was ridiculously healthy and still is) because I knew he was going to be my one and done, but my mom was definitely disappointed she could not spend the next 20 years buying dresses and such. This did develop into a bit of a pet peeve while my son was small as my mom could not wrap her head around the fact that he cared not a whit about clothes at all and only wanted the latest Lego set for birthdays, etc., so she kept buying him coordinated outfits that he outgrew in five or ten minutes and did not "sufficiently appreciate", but oh well.

[Calvada]

That was my pet peeve as a kid - boys' toys and girls' toys, but also boys' books and girls' books.  I loved to read as a kid (I read all sides of the cereal box as I ate breakfast, waiting for my dad to pass me each section of the newspaper as he finished it) and I once had a librarian who questioned the Hardy Boys books in my stack as I checked out.  Was I sure that I - an 8 year old girl - wanted those?   

[peacheslatour]

18 minutes ago, Bastet said:

I liked all of it - jeans, shorts, t-shirts, dresses, sandals, sneakers, mary janes, etc. - since what I wanted to wear depended on what I was doing; I loved dressing up for special events, but day to day at school I needed something I could play in at recess.  So there was a lot of cute stuff to choose from, and we enjoyed shopping for clothes -  and for patterns and material for the clothes my mom made me - together.  (Now we both have to be in just the right mood to shop, and usually aren't.)

I liked a variety of toys, too, so we shopped in both the "girls" and "boys" sections (which is so ridiculous; how we designate clothing by gender is bad enough, but toys?!).

Patent leather Mary Janes, oh man I remember having to polish them with Vaseline. Did anybody else do that?

Dear god, Legos are expensive!

[ginger90]

5 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

Dear god, Legos are expensive!

Isn’t it ridiculous?!

[Bastet]

20 minutes ago, Calvada said:

That was my pet peeve as a kid - boys' toys and girls' toys, but also boys' books and girls' books.  I loved to read as a kid (I read all sides of the cereal box as I ate breakfast, waiting for my dad to pass me each section of the newspaper as he finished it) and I once had a librarian who questioned the Hardy Boys books in my stack as I checked out.  Was I sure that I - an 8 year old girl - wanted those?   

I used to get comments like that sometimes, too, because I read just about everything I could get my hands on.  I preferred books about girls if they were doing something interesting (Harriet the Spy was my favorite, and I also loved Trixie Belden books), but a lot of (too many!) girls were written in ways that didn't speak to me even with my varied interests, so I also read plenty of books about boys.  I think most girls did.  If more boys also read "girl books", we'd all be better off.

Edited December 13, 2020 by Bastet

[peacheslatour]

Quote

I also loved Trixie Belden books)

Oh, I loved Trixie Belden! Those books were so much fun. Of course, I loved Nancy Drew as well. I loved her freedom and independence.

[Angeltoes]

10 hours ago, Quof said:

I feel the same way about kindergarten "graduations".   I am all for cake, any time, any day, but why the huge production of a ceremony, cap and gown and diplomas? 

I graduated kindergarten in 1964.  We had that exact graduation in a big high school auditorium.  My mother, who was the most unsentimental person who ever lived, talked about it for decades.  About how darn cute it all was and how I stood up there through the whole ceremony yawning because they held it at 7:00 at night.

22 hours ago, Katy M said:

But, come on, whatever happened to "hey, you wanna go to the prom?"

Or the ever-popular,"Hey, Jimmy thinks you're cute.  Would you go to prom with him if he asked you?"

19 hours ago, TattleTeeny said:

And they always ended these dances with Stairway to Heaven

I hated that song when it came out and it does nothing for me to this day.  We play an oldies station at work and when that song comes on I want to run screaming from the room.  I think it's because it's so damn long.

[auntlada]

55 minutes ago, Bastet said:

I used to get comments like that sometimes, too, because I read just about everything I could get my hands on.  I preferred books about girls if they were doing something interesting (Harriet the Spy was my favorite, and I also loved Trixie Belden books), but a lot of (too many!) girls were written in ways that didn't speak to me even with my varied interests, so I also read plenty of books about boys.  I think most girls did.  If more boys also read "girl books", we'd all be better off.

That's another one that I probably shouldn't get into on a snow day (it feels like everything should be relaxed and easy on a snow day), but why are girls expected to read books about boys, but boys are not expected to read books about girls? I mean I read the Hardy Boys with no comment, but if my brother (if he had bothered to sit down and read, which he didn't, what with being more interested in taking apart the lawn mower) had checked out the Nancy Drew books, the librarian would have at least looked askance at him. And it's not like there's more romance or anything in Nancy Drew. The Hardy Boys had plenty with Iola and that other one whose name I can't remember.

[ParadoxLost]

4 minutes ago, Angeltoes said:

I hated that song when it came out and it does nothing for me to this day.  We play an oldies station at work and when that song comes on I want to run screaming from the room.  I think it's because it's so damn long.

The first time I ever heard about that song was the "no Stairway" scene in Wayne's World.  I remember frustration in not knowing whether I'd ever heard that song before because I didn't recognize the name.  And the internet was in its infancy so I had no way to really find out.  

I did go out and buy some Queen greatest hits CDs.

[SuprSuprElevated]

30 minutes ago, Angeltoes said:

My mother, who was the most unsentimental person who ever lived

Are you my sister? 😳

31 minutes ago, Angeltoes said:

I think it's because it's so damn long.

See also; Hey Jude

[Rose Quartz]

3 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

Oh, I loved Trixie Belden! Those books were so much fun. Of course, I loved Nancy Drew as well. I loved her freedom and independence.

Trixie Belden was definitely my favorite growing up.  I really related to her tomboyish, horse crazy character.  But after the first half dozen or so books they brought in a new writer who made her into a more traditional teenage girl and eventually I lost interest.

[RealHousewife]

4 hours ago, isalicat said:

By the time I hit 30 years of age (and had already been married for nine years), my mom was in full on "I must have a grandchild NOW" mode...and I knew she desperately wanted me to have a girl because I was not at all a "girly girl", preferring overalls from middle school right through high school to anything else (although being very petite and wearing the overalls with cute little peasant shirts did mitigate the masculinity of overalls to a certain extent). I had a boy after 6 years of "trying" ("trying" rocks!) and being told I wasn't going to be able to have children at all (doctors don't know everything, eh?). All I cared about was that the baby was healthy (he was ridiculously healthy and still is) because I knew he was going to be my one and done, but my mom was definitely disappointed she could not spend the next 20 years buying dresses and such. This did develop into a bit of a pet peeve while my son was small as my mom could not wrap her head around the fact that he cared not a whit about clothes at all and only wanted the latest Lego set for birthdays, etc., so she kept buying him coordinated outfits that he outgrew in five or ten minutes and did not "sufficiently appreciate", but oh well.

Aw I'm sorry! I'm scared by the time I get around to having kids I will have fertility issues due to my age. I've thought about whether I'd prefer a boy or a girl. I'm personally a girly girl myself and I'd have so much fun dressing a daughter and someone to do girly things with. If I ever get to the point I'd need someone to look after me in my elderly years, maybe I'd prefer a daughter . But I am also like you in that all I'd really care about is the health of the child. Most people want kids so they have a family and love. Gender shouldn't be a big deal. I'd feel super blessed to have a happy, healthy little boy. I often hear that sons can be more protective of and more loving toward their moms than daughters can be and that in some ways they are easier to raise too. As much as I'd love to have a child I can relate to, sometimes I think being a boy mom sounds more fun. 🙂 

Edited December 14, 2020 by RealHousewife

[DrSpaceman73]

4 hours ago, Bastet said:

I used to get comments like that sometimes, too, because I read just about everything I could get my hands on.  I preferred books about girls if they were doing something interesting (Harriet the Spy was my favorite, and I also loved Trixie Belden books), but a lot of (too many!) girls were written in ways that didn't speak to me even with my varied interests, so I also read plenty of books about boys.  I think most girls did.  If more boys also read "girl books", we'd all be better off.

As a boy I distinctly remember reading harriet the spy and getting a few snide comments about reading a book for girls.  I still enjoyed it. 

[Mindthinkr]

27 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

As much as I'd love to have a child I can relate to, sometimes I think being a boy mom sounds more fun. 🙂 

There’s a saying. Girls are for Fathers. Boys are for Mothers. Any healthy child is a blessing. 

[RealHousewife]

18 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

There’s a saying. Girls are for Fathers. Boys are for Mothers. Any healthy child is a blessing. 

I haven't heard this! I like it. 🙂

 

 

[Gramto6]

As a child I read almost every book in our local library. From "girls" books to "boys" books to Poe's poetry and Walt Whitman to Dr Dolittle and many mystery and adventure books. My life was one that needed escape and the library provided that. I checked out 5-6 books a week and shut myself in my room and read. I guess that is why I don't have such a hard time being a hermit in this day and age...

[BookWoman56]

Most of my siblings and I read everything we could get our hands on when we were kids. At least once a month or so, my father would take us to the bookstore to pick up a new supply of books. My brother and I had similar tastes, so we had Hardy Boys, plus some other action series. I also did Nancy Drew because I liked her independence. I never got questioned by librarians about the gender “appropriateness” of anything I was checking out, but I remember my 2nd grade teacher expressing a little mild concern because I was reading Robinson Crusoe in class. She said it might be difficult for a 2nd grader and didn’t want me to get discouraged, so she got me to read a couple of paragraphs aloud. When I finished, she told me to keep on reading because I obviously was having no problems with it. However, the following year my 3rd grade teacher threw a fit because I dared to read ahead in the book, instead of stopping at the end of the assigned section of the textbook.
 

My pet peeve related to all this is there are too many teachers like my 3rd grade teacher and not enough like my 2nd grade teacher. I also agree that it’s ridiculous to designate toys, books, and clothes for young kids by gender. For clothes, up until the age that girls’ and boys’ body shapes diverge, what difference does it make regarding the color and design (dinosaurs or whatever) of the clothes so that some clothes are classified as appropriate only for one gender? 

[DrSpaceman73]

7 hours ago, BookWoman56 said:

However, the following year my 3rd grade teacher threw a fit because I dared to read ahead in the book, instead of stopping at the end of the assigned section of the textbook.
 

Whenever I was given the assigned books to read in elementary school the first thing I would do is read ahead and quickly finish them all. 

[KittyMom4]

16 hours ago, isalicat said:

"I must have a grandchild NOW" mode.

And this is a current pet peeve of mine, I am 53, I have 2 daughters that are 30 & 26, my oldest is married, my youngest is in a relationship. Both my daughters told me that they are not really interested in having children. I have no problem with this and would never dream of 'demanding' a grandchild yet I have friends and coworkers who constantly ask me "aren't you sad you'll never have grandchildren?" Um, no. I am happy that my daughters don't feel compelled to give birth just to make my life complete*. I am happy that my daughters don't feel it's necessary to conform to what other people want regardless of their wants and needs.

*Grandchildren would not make me complete, My daughters being happy & healthy make me complete. 

[Rose Quartz]

1 hour ago, BexKeps said:

And this is a current pet peeve of mine, I am 53, I have 2 daughters that are 30 & 26, my oldest is married, my youngest is in a relationship. Both my daughters told me that they are not really interested in having children. I have no problem with this and would never dream of 'demanding' a grandchild yet I have friends and coworkers who constantly ask me "aren't you sad you'll never have grandchildren?" Um, no. I am happy that my daughters don't feel compelled to give birth just to make my life complete*. I am happy that my daughters don't feel it's necessary to conform to what other people want regardless of their wants and needs.

*Grandchildren would not make me complete, My daughters being happy & healthy make me complete. 

As someone who had to have a conversation with her own mother about how I didn't want kids and the worst reason in the world to have one would be just to make her a grandmother, I applaud your understanding!

[Nicmar]

On 12/13/2020 at 6:31 AM, Quof said:

I feel the same way about kindergarten "graduations".   I am all for cake, any time, any day, but why the huge production of a ceremony, cap and gown and diplomas?  Do you really not expect your child to accomplish anything more significant in their life, so you have to latch onto this opportunity to fete them? 

I feel the same way with Sweet Sixteen parties, parents who have budget for a wedding except its not its party complete with a car.

 

[Annber03]

4 hours ago, BexKeps said:

And this is a current pet peeve of mine, I am 53, I have 2 daughters that are 30 & 26, my oldest is married, my youngest is in a relationship. Both my daughters told me that they are not really interested in having children. I have no problem with this and would never dream of 'demanding' a grandchild yet I have friends and coworkers who constantly ask me "aren't you sad you'll never have grandchildren?" Um, no. I am happy that my daughters don't feel compelled to give birth just to make my life complete*. I am happy that my daughters don't feel it's necessary to conform to what other people want regardless of their wants and needs.

*Grandchildren would not make me complete, My daughters being happy & healthy make me complete. 

My mom's in the same situation you are. She's never once pressured me nor my sister to have kids (and we're both in our 30s now). Like you with your daughters, she just wants us to be happy and healthy. 

Yet when her co-workers learned she wasn't a grandma, and that she wasn't hounding us about having kids besides, they seemed surprised by that and were like, "Don't you want them to have kids?" Why they think it's their business whether or not two people they don't even know have children, I'm not sure, but yeah, it bugged my mom, too. But most of her co-workers are grandparents themselves, so I dunno, maybe something about seeing someone in their age group who isn't feels weird to them or something? Who knows. 

[Bastet]

My parents, especially my mom, would have loved to be grandparents (to a human baby; they've always had grandcats) and they'd have been good ones, but they never gave me shit about not having kids - they know how important it is to, you know, want to be a parent if you're going to be one and thus it would be a terrible idea for me to have a child since I can't stand being around them and would rather do an infinite number of unpleasant things than parent. 

They were a bit bummed, but didn't regard it as some personal affront to them or even a big deal - just something they'd have liked to be different, but accepting that it wasn't.  But, yeah, plenty of other people take it upon themselves to make comments about it, and a couple have acted as if I've deprived my parents of something to which they were entitled.  Um, no.  That's not actually a thing.  Now, if you have, say, six kids (my parents had one), you've seriously upped your odds, but you're still never owed grandkids.

Edited December 14, 2020 by Bastet

[peacheslatour]

5 minutes ago, Bastet said:

My parents, especially my mom, would have loved to be grandparents (to a human baby; they've always had grandcats) and they'd have been good ones, but they never gave me shit about not having kids - they know how important it is to, you know, want to be a parent if you're going to be one and thus it would be a terrible idea for me to have a child since I can't stand being around them and would rather do an infinite number of unpleasant things than parent. 

They were a bit bummed, but didn't regard it as some personal affront to them or even a big deal - just something they'd have liked to be different, but accepting that it wasn't.  But, yeah, plenty of other people take it upon themselves to make comments about it, and a couple have acted as if I've deprived my parents of something to which they were entitled.  Um, no.  If you have six kids, you've seriously upped your odds, but you're still never owed grandkids.

My parents never bugged me about having kids but I do remember my mom jokingly introducing my DH to people as "the future father of my grandchildren".

[Annber03]

8 minutes ago, Bastet said:

My parents, especially my mom, would have loved to be grandparents (to a human baby; they've always had grandcats) and they'd have been good ones

LOL, same on the grandcats :D. Yeah, my mom would be a fantastic grandma, too, that's not even a question. I know she'd adore and dote on any grandkids she had. 

But yeah, alongside your point about how it helps if someone wants to have children, there's also the fact that my parents got married when they were twenty, and while they had a good life together, they would sometimes talk about some of the stuff they wished they'd done before getting married and settling down. So she and my dad always wanted to make sure my sister and I didn't have those kinds of "what if"s, and that if we ever did get married and have kids, it should be because we wanted it, not because we felt it was something we felt we had to do or anything like that. 

My sister's more interested in the marriage/kids thing than I am. For me, it's one of those, "If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't" sort of things. Plus, in my case, I'm just not financially stable enough right now. I'd want to make sure that part of my life was more settled before I even considered bringing a spouse into the picture, let alone any potential kids. 

[Nicmar]

5 hours ago, BexKeps said:

And this is a current pet peeve of mine, I am 53, I have 2 daughters that are 30 & 26, my oldest is married, my youngest is in a relationship. Both my daughters told me that they are not really interested in having children. I have no problem with this and would never dream of 'demanding' a grandchild yet I have friends and coworkers who constantly ask me "aren't you sad you'll never have grandchildren?" Um, no. I am happy that my daughters don't feel compelled to give birth just to make my life complete*. I am happy that my daughters don't feel it's necessary to conform to what other people want regardless of their wants and needs.

*Grandchildren would not make me complete, My daughters being happy & healthy make me complete. 

That's how feel when people ask me about never having children!

33 minutes ago, Bastet said:

My parents, especially my mom, would have loved to be grandparents (to a human baby; they've always had grandcats) and they'd have been good ones, but they never gave me shit about not having kids - they know how important it is to, you know, want to be a parent if you're going to be one and thus it would be a terrible idea for me to have a child since I can't stand being around them and would rather do an infinite number of unpleasant things than parent. 

They were a bit bummed, but didn't regard it as some personal affront to them or even a big deal - just something they'd have liked to be different, but accepting that it wasn't.  But, yeah, plenty of other people take it upon themselves to make comments about it, and a couple have acted as if I've deprived my parents of something to which they were entitled.  Um, no.  That's not actually a thing.  Now, if you have, say, six kids (my parents had one), you've seriously upped your odds, but you're still never owed grandkids.

nurturing to my pets but I could never let myself get close a human child.

[bilgistic]

I went through this with my mother. I had my tubes tied when I was 29, and I had not had children. I'd talked to my gyno for a few years about it and she agreed to perform the surgery. I'd known for most of my life I never wanted kids. I was in a relationship then and didn't want to be faced with a decision I might resent, so I chose permanent birth control.

After having a long phone conversation with my best friend at the time(!!!) who also had reservations about my decision, my mother said to me that she was disappointed she wouldn't have a grandchild from me but "at least she had them from my younger sister," who had two daughters. My other sister would have a daughter a few years later. I told her that my decision most certainly wasn't about her.

[Annber03]

3 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

I told her that my decision most certainly wasn't about her.

This. Seriously, pregnancy is a big deal for a woman, because of all the emotional and physical changes it brings. It's a tough thing to go through even under the best of circumstances. So this idea that women need to consider what all these other people want when it comes to deciding whether or not to go through all that stuff with their own body and whatnot is...quite presumptuous, to say the very least. 

It's so weird-people will go on all the time about how a woman shouldn't have more kids than she can afford and care for, but then when women choose not to have children, they get criticized for that, too, because "everyone wants kids!" and how can you not want to have a family and so on. It's like you can't win either way with some people.