@Vixenstud, that's a huge amount of shit to have to deal with simultaneously. I hope Mr. Vixenstud makes a full recovery soon, so you don't have to deal with two patients. Is the plan still on for your sister to renovate the house she's being given and move your mother in with her? It definitely sounds as if you need a break from caring for her, and you need your own space.
I try to make sure my mother has healthy options on hand, but she also likes a fair amount of junk food. And I'll be blunt here; she's lived to be 90 (91 in a couple of months) eating whatever the hell she wants, so I am not in any way going to insist that she eats only food I approve of. When she was in the assisted living facility, she had to eat the food they prepared but also insisted that my sister bring her certain snack foods. With your father, certainly you feel obligated to make sure he has healthy options, but as long as he's capable of making his own decisions, ultimately it's his choice as to whether he sticks to a healthy diet or eats comfort food. My mother consumes insane amounts of salt; her own mother always kept a small dish of salt (maybe a salt cellar?) next to her plate to dip her food into, so my mother grew up thinking a ton of salt was normal. I don't cook using much salt at all, but she adds salt to almost everything. Her blood pressure is fairly good and she has no heart problems, so it's evidently not doing her much harm. But for me the bottom line is that I'd rather have her eat stuff she likes and be happy, even if that means living a year or two less than she might, than to insist that she follow a specific diet and be miserable, simply to extend her life another year or two. It would be different if she were younger, but she's lived a long, full life and I'd rather she enjoy her life for however long she has left, whether months or years, than to listen to her bitch and moan about not having her snacks and salt for an extra year.
In general, I will say the biggest lesson I've learned from being the primary caregiver for an elderly parent is that much like when you have small children, it's critical to find some time for yourself. I work full-time from home, take care of my mother, and am also babysitting my grandson a few hours every weekday. So lately I've been finding it therapeutic to take either Saturday or Sunday and go on a solo excursion for several hours, usually just driving to some specific landmark, chilling out for a little while, and then driving back. Highway driving relaxes me and gives me some peace and quiet for the most part, which I usually desperately need after a week of dealing with a lot of stress. The last few weeks have been especially stressful for several reasons, and adding to that is my mother wants to be helpful by loading and unloading the dishwasher. Sounds great in theory; in reality, not so much. She sometimes forgets to run the dishwasher, thinks dishes have been washed, and proceeds to put up an entire load of still dirty dishes into the cabinets, blissfully unaware of their condition. She also will take dishes out of the dishwasher and put them on the kitchen counter next to the sink, in the designated place for dirty dishes that haven't made it into the sink yet, with the result that she mixes up clean dishes with dishes that haven't even had scraps removed or dumped. In all seriousness, a week or so ago, I found 2-3 glasses in my cabinet with an inch or so of tea/soda still in them.