Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Happyfatchick]

OMG, Some Pity. I'm feeling your pain, because I know one of those, too.

 

I wasn't facing that sober.

 

It's been thirty-seven years. Isn't it time to give it up?

Ha!!!  So there's a Little Deb-BEE in every class! 

 

I have a friend who's so terminally possessed with the non-aging process, she's actually making herself look older from the fight.  I'll admit, I probably don't fight hard ENOUGH, but she drives me CRAZY with her 1.5 hour bathroom regimen in the mornings.  She's 60 and looks every inch of it.  She had this ablation thing on her face last year that made her walk around with burned skin and scabs for 2 weeks - and she looks THE SAME.  She makes me so entirely nuts with her fight against looking her age, we actually had some words about it the last time she visited. 

 

She says to me, "I refuse to wear old lady clothes!  I'm NOT going to admit defeat until I die!"

 

I looked at her and thought [side note, I really did THINK it, I did not SAY it]:  Holy cow, you're wearing that to look younger???  You didn't wear that when you were younger, right???  Guh!!!

 

I guess my face must have explained what my brain was shouting because I don't think we're currently having a BFF moment.

 

ETA:  Wok, I have pretty good luck with real estate too but on the sales end.  I've sold at least 5 houses in my life (but I'm older than SomePity!) and I've never had any house on the market more than a month, and usually the first person who looks at it buys.  I've also had realtors scoff at me and say "you'll never get that for this house" - but I've always (every single time) gotten what I asked.  So there you go - you've "met" 2 of us!

Edited January 7, 2016 by Happyfatchick

[zoomama]

I figured zoomama lives near me and was recounting where we are in the series of storms coming through.  

i must be near you!!! its raining again this afternoon. ...and more coming for days...

[Muffyn]

The exterior of my house is being painted.  We started months ago.  The painter kept flaking and now the rains are here.  I am interviewing new painters who will take over the rest of the project because I fear I may kill the original painter if I hear his excuses and attempts to somehow make it my fault again.  I have had scaffolding at the front of the house for months.  About once a week someone decides to climb it.  Grrr.  

 

So yes, I am tracking every storm coming through the San Francisco Bay Area.  And it's raining.  And it's raining.  And it's raining.  And it's raining. That's why I felt you were in my head.  (It's a dark, scary place filled my pop culture references, Duggar snark and song lyrics from the 70s and 80s).  

[Absolom]

Indeed, it IS raining yet again here, too.  I managed to get the dog walked with only about 3 minutes of rain on us.  We're supposed to get a couple of days off soon.  On the good news front I transplanted some shrubs into the empty spots of the flower beds with the idea that the rain would keep me from daily watering until they settle in. :)

[Tabbygirl521]

And here I sit in Seattle with barely any rain foreseen...global warming...climate change...OBAMA!! [shaking fist]

[Micks Picks]

I threw some fertilizer pellets around my rose bushes.  Was going to get some weed and feed for the lawn but forgot.  I did get a long expandable tin thing that I attached to the downspout near the garage.  Downspout pours into rosebed but overflows, so this diverter seems to work well in getting that excess down the driveway instead.  I think I need a bag of kitty litter or something to put right near that section near the garage.  It's only 6 inches where the water seems to be backing into the garage.  God I'm clever.

[GeeGolly]

I know I'm tempting the fates, but we have had one ice storm, and no snow, and it is the 8th of January. I hope Winter doesn't decide to wait and kick-in in March. And although I still wake up to total darkness, it is getting lighter everyday as I leave work. YAY!

[Barb23]

I know I'm tempting the fates, but we have had one ice storm, and no snow, and it is the 8th of January. I hope Winter doesn't decide to wait and kick-in in March. And although I still wake up to total darkness, it is getting lighter everyday as I leave work. YAY!

I'm with you. I don't consider we're out of the woods getting snow here in the Mid Atlantic til mid March. Mr Barb was born on March 3 in a blizzard. My mother remembers snow on a Palm Sunday. For some reason, we believe if we have had snow before Christmas it's going to be a snowy winter. So this year we are doing great as we had record setting warm temperatures in December & just rain, which you don't have to shovel. Up until this week, my petunias were still blooming on my back porch. I'm sure I've just jinxed us & there will be snow on those flowers next week.

[Catlyn]

So, when the snow storm finally comes, I can blame you, Barb23? :)  I also remember an ice storm in May. Our trees were blossoming, and overnight got encased in ice. Didn't really do much for the fruit, but it was pretty!  President's day is the day we usually get a big one (or at least that's the way it seems!)

[Barb23]

So, when the snow storm finally comes, I can blame you, Barb23? :)  I also remember an ice storm in May. Our trees were blossoming, and overnight got encased in ice. Didn't really do much for the fruit, but it was pretty!  President's day is the day we usually get a big one (or at least that's the way it seems!)

I'll take the blame - no problem :) BTW, with my arthritis, I feel I can predict bad weather coming better than the weather people. It is a real thing, has to do with barometric pressure & the joints. You're right about President Day& also Valentine's Day & bad weather. My birthday is February 23 & have had to postpone festivities many times.

[Liz Tudor]

apparently being watched over by Theodorica, Patron Saint of the Open House.

Bwahahahaha! Love this! I will offer up a sacrifice of a mustard colored blazer (I know how most of us here feel about mustard colored outerwear) and fervently hope that Theodorica grants you this awesome house, well under the asking price, and with a stellar inspection. :-)

Jynnan, I'm so very, very sorry about your kitty girl. At least she was with you at home.

Thinking of all of you on the West Coast with the heavy rains...I have a childhood friend getting swamped in Glendora, CA. Take care!

[Missy Vixen]

The weather in Seattle is beautiful. And I am sending my best wishes to everyone dealing with the heavy rains and resulting flooding. I hope it's over soon and that damn El Nino finds somewhere else to play.

 

My husband is a contract employee at the biggest software company in the world. Well, he was until this morning. He signed paperwork to have his contract extended indefinitely two weeks ago. This morning, he was laid off. "It wasn't a good fit". One has to wonder whose brother, sister, cousin or whomever needed that job more.

 

Please think good thoughts for him; this was a blow.

[Readalot]

The weather in Seattle is beautiful. And I am sending my best wishes to everyone dealing with the heavy rains and resulting flooding. I hope it's over soon and that damn El Nino finds somewhere else to play.

My husband is a contract employee at the biggest software company in the world. Well, he was until this morning. He signed paperwork to have his contract extended indefinitely two weeks ago. This morning, he was laid off. "It wasn't a good fit". One has to wonder whose brother, sister, cousin or whomever needed that job more.

Please think good thoughts for him; this was a blow.

. sending good thoughts, to your husband. I am so sorry to hear about this! I am also a software contract employee. They hired a full time employee that started this past Monday. I got the "don't worry we have enough work for you" talk, but I can't deny I'm worried! I should be done with my current project in about two weeks. After that who knows. Ack!

[crazycatlady58]

Jen..I want to say how sorry I am for the loss of your kitty, I know you said it was more of your husbands cat, but it is still hard for you. Missy I hope your husband finds a job FAST , my thoughts are with you. While I am here, a question, is it offensive to offer prayers?, or do most prefer for someone just to say my thoughts are with you?

[burlsa]

Jen..I want to say how sorry I am for the loss of your kitty, I know you said it was more of your husbands cat, but it is still hard for you. Missy I hope your husband finds a job FAST , my thoughts are with you. While I am here, a question, is it offensive to offer prayers?, or do most prefer for someone just to say my thoughts are with you?

I don't think it's offensive to offer prayers, and I'm not religious. Personally I think it says that the person is thinking about me and wishing well. When said sincerely (not in the I'm praying for your heathen soul way), it's supportive.

Eta: It posted before I was ready!

Jynnan, I'm so sorry about your kitty! I was hoping for a different outcome.

Missy, I hope your husband finds an even better job. My thoughts are with you.

Edited January 9, 2016 by burlsa

[Barb23]

Missy Vixen - So sorry to hear your husband's job news. What a way to start your New Year esp if it was unexpected. Something similar happened to my husband 2years ago in January & it's tough. I agree about whose family member needed the position or how they now can pay 2 entry level people instead of one experienced dependable person. Gone are the old days where once you got established in a firm, you were there for life. My dad & uncle worked for the phone company for over 40 yrs. I can't see that happening nowadays. Hopefully something much better will be in his future. Sending good vibes your way.

[Muffyn]

I just rolled off one short term contract and am starting another one next week.  It's going to be a bit of a rough ride but I need the work.

 

Missy Vixen, if your husband was at MiniFlacid, they are known for doing that.  They do not have respect for the knowledge that their contractors hold.  When I was there, we would joke that the chair holds the knowledge because they would roll people off with no warning and put a new person in their place without any knowledge transfer.  We assumed they were supposed to sit in the chair and absorb the prior person's knowledge.  Oh the stories I could tell . . . 

[zoomama]

whoa-- what a long day!!!  had to drive 45 minutes to my daughters city to take my grandson to his orthodontic consult. gotta go back monday for a filling before the braces go on the following week. then we drove another 45 minutes in a different direction to see his next dr appt. (stopped to eat lunch and visit a friend to kill a little time before the appt.)  dr  was running late. then it took us 90 minutes to go half an hours distance to get us back to my town. we then stopped at the eye dr to pick up his glasses. poor dogs were crated for 9 hours and didnt even have a potty accident!!!! no we are waiting for my dh to come home and take us to dinner. i could go to sleep right now.

Edited January 9, 2016 by zoomama

[Almost 3000]

I don't think it's offensive to offer prayers, and I'm not religious. Personally I think it says that the person is thinking about me and wishing well. When said sincerely (not in the I'm praying for your heathen soul way), it's supportive.

Eta: It posted before I was ready!

Jynnan, I'm so sorry about your kitty! I was hoping for a different outcome.

Missy, I hope your husband finds an even better job. My thoughts are with you.

I'm not religious but have a friend that I think has a strong prayer group. So I always request her prayers. I think its all energy and good energy comes in many forms. So, that said I wish everyone all the best in the New Year.

[Happyfatchick]

I have a little tiny rant to share. Please know ahead of time that I know I'm being a jerk. I think maybe the circumstances are pushing me to have a short fuse - or not. Maybe it's how I really feel deep down inside.

Here goes. My mom has had what was diagnosed as dementia for about 12 years or so. (There's a little family discrepancy about the actual onset. I'm saying 13 years because I know exactly where I was sitting when I first realized it, and the month and year). Anyway, it's not new. Over the years, people have dropped further and further away from her like ripples in a pond. Now, I GET that: my mom is a nut. She wouldn't have known them, she couldn't have carried on a conversation, she wouldn't have been herself. I understand. I really do.

Now you guys know my mom (through me). She was the funniest person on the planet (next to SomePity, I mean). She was HILARIOUS. My father was dead serious almost 100% of the time, and she was the comedian. (With him as subject matter sometimes). She was loving, caring, giving - I could tell you stories you wouldn't believe. There was never any gray matter with Mama, she loves you without reservation, or she writes you off. You can't win her over, she will not be wooed. But she loved far, far more people than she didn't. I've talked to so so many people this week that say my mom was the best thing that ever happened to them. People love her, you just can't help it. She taught a young couples class for many years, and all those couples are now in their 60's, and they still call her Mama Anne. Everybody loves Mama; but nobody could face Mama like she has been the last few years.

So now that Mama is confined to bed and is obviously living her last days on earth, the word has gotten out. And those same people who couldn't force themselves to come sit and make psychobabble now want to come to say goodbye. I've probably done the same thing - and I can think of a couple times I wish I'd gone to say goodbye to someone myself and waited one day too many...

I hope that what I learn from this is compassion for those people who've spent their whole lives being compassionate to others. I hope I remember that. I spoke to my mother's best best friend last night and I'm going to tell a story about her later, but oh my goodness - how she cried and cried because she isn't able to be with Mama right now. She wants to be so much. Broke my heart. This woman, and a hand full of other wonderful people have stayed on board through the whole thing and I can't even tell you how much that means to me, the daughter. Letting go of this wonderful, wonderful woman and knowing that other people saw in her what I see.

[Readalot]

(((((Hugs)))) HFC, you are the best daughter, I know your mom deep in her heart still recognizes this. Thank you for sharing with us. I wish I had words that could comfort you at this time. I'm glad you are surrounded by the love of your family and friends at this time.

[MarysWetBar]

I have a little tiny rant to share. Please know ahead of time that I know I'm being a jerk. I think maybe the circumstances are pushing me to have a short fuse - or not. Maybe it's how I really feel deep down inside.

Here goes. My mom has had what was diagnosed as dementia for about 12 years or so. (There's a little family discrepancy about the actual onset. I'm saying 13 years because I know exactly where I was sitting when I first realized it, and the month and year). Anyway, it's not new. Over the years, people have dropped further and further away from her like ripples in a pond. Now, I GET that: my mom is a nut. She wouldn't have known them, she couldn't have carried on a conversation, she wouldn't have been herself. I understand. I really do.

Now you guys know my mom (through me). She was the funniest person on the planet (next to SomePity, I mean). She was HILARIOUS. My father was dead serious almost 100% of the time, and she was the comedian. (With him as subject matter sometimes). She was loving, caring, giving - I could tell you stories you wouldn't believe. There was never any gray matter with Mama, she loves you without reservation, or she writes you off. You can't win her over, she will not be wooed. But she loved far, far more people than she didn't. I've talked to so so many people this week that say my mom was the best thing that ever happened to them. People love her, you just can't help it. She taught a young couples class for many years, and all those couples are now in their 60's, and they still call her Mama Anne. Everybody loves Mama; but nobody could face Mama like she has been the last few years.

So now that Mama is confined to bed and is obviously living her last days on earth, the word has gotten out. And those same people who couldn't force themselves to come sit and make psychobabble now want to come to say goodbye. I've probably done the same thing - and I can think of a couple times I wish I'd gone to say goodbye to someone myself and waited one day too many...

I hope that what I learn from this is compassion for those people who've spent their whole lives being compassionate to others. I hope I remember that. I spoke to my mother's best best friend last night and I'm going to tell a story about her later, but oh my goodness - how she cried and cried because she isn't able to be with Mama right now. She wants to be so much. Broke my heart. This woman, and a hand full of other wonderful people have stayed on board through the whole thing and I can't even tell you how much that means to me, the daughter. Letting go of this wonderful, wonderful woman and knowing that other people saw in her what I see.

Oh HFC. Hugs and more hugs, although we all know you've got this. I felt many of the same emotions when my mom's health failed. Her large circle started shrinking and I was angry. But i was angry anyway, so at least I had someone to blame. A whole hell of a lot of people don't know how to deal with illness or impending death. It scares them and makes them feel uncomfortable. Others may be worried about intruding on time that family could be spending with her. A smaller number are just assholes, I guess. Your Mom doesn't know that this is happening and i hope that can comfort you in some small way. She's not being hurt by their absences. But you are. And that sucks. Lessons always. Even when we are busy doing the most important (in my opinion) work of our lives. You are such a good daughter and your mother had so much to do with the loving caring woman you are right now. Take comfort in that.

[Love2dance]

CRAZYCATLADY...I often have a similar but opposite question. If someone asks for prayers, is it ok for someone who is not religious (like me) to offer good thoughts, healing wishes, or hopeful thoughts, etc.?

HAPPYFATCHICK, I don't understand at all how you are being a jerk. Of course you wish your mother's old friends had come to visit earlier. It hurt to see her alone during that time. And please, please, please tell us the stories we wouldn't believe.

[Happyfatchick]

Her large circle started shrinking and I was angry. But i was angry anyway, so at least I had someone to blame.

^^^^^

Yes, exactly this. That's what I was trying to say - I'm grateful that people who loved her in her strength are compelled to come now - I'm angry they waited so long and let her sit here alone for these years. But I'm just angry anyway, so at least I have a focus to aim my anger.

I'm a little angry that she was so damn physically fit that this has taken YEARS TO HAPPEN - that she's had YEARS of not being herself and living someone else's wishes. I'm angry that this little sprite of a woman who was hells bells and spitfire has been reduced to diapers and other people deciding what she does. I'm angry that she's being stripped of any dignity, even though the hands that care for her don't mean to degrade at all, but to love. I'm a little angry that the scrapper in her makes her want to fight to stay alive, when, if logic could be a factor, she'd be all over leaving on the next bus out.it angers me to NO END that I pushed my daughter to go to nursing school - that I kept her kids and gave her seed money and cooked dinners for them many nights and CHEERED her on like a mad woman, and that she packed her kids and took her nursing degree to Nicaragua where she's staying home to teach her children.it angers me like I cry so hard I choke and spit that when I need her, SHES NOT THERE!!! It makes me angry that I have two brothers (one actually ON the compound, and one very close by) who intellectually acknowledge their mother is dying, but can't seem to come hold her hand or say they love her. It angers me even more that - because we are ingrained that way - that I have to always put on a united front and act like my brothers are as involved as I am. It angers me enormously that her friend Hazel - who is ALWAYS groomed to the nines, who looks like she could stall walk tall and majestic into a business setting and command attention - and who was ALWAYS going to be there for my mother no matter what...isn't. It angers me that she was ME (in her 50's) and I blinked or overslept and now she's nearly gone. It makes me angry that she didn't have a disease I could pick a fight with. I'm angry with myself that I didn't ask her so many questions that are popping up now.

[Love2dance]

^^^^^

Yes, exactly this.

It angers me that she was ME (in her 50's) and I blinked or overslept and now she's nearly gone. It makes me angry that she didn't have a disease I could pick a fight with. I'm angry with myself that I didn't ask her so many questions that are popping up now.

With all the family and "support" you have nearby, I am so, so sorry you feel so alone, and unappreciated, and hurt, and angry. What your mom is experiencing is what frightens....no terrifies....us all as we get older. And I do NOT want my daughter to go through what you are facing taking care of your mom when it is my turn. (No way it will be my son, of course,) Such an awful way to leave.

My heart goes out to you and I wish so much I could help more. Sending tight, loving hugs to you.

[SomePity1066]

Happyfatchick - she knows you're there. She knows. She loves you for it, and she knows that she is loved. 

 

You're not being a jerk, not at all. You are being a kind, loving daughter who is doing the very best for her mother. You should have no qualms, and certainly no regrets, about doing the very best you can. As Max Ehrmann said, be gentle with yourself.

 

Many, many hugs.  

 

 

[pennben]

Agreed, and please rage against the wind here all you want.  I think you will do this in the real world, but try to separate the anger/frustration you feel at others, for whatever reason, from the frustration/rage at your mother's situation.  Nothing good will come from those things being intertwined.

Edited January 9, 2016 by pennben

[crazycatlady58]

CRAZYCATLADY...I often have a similar but opposite question. If someone asks for prayers, is it ok for someone who is not religious (like me) to offer good thoughts, healing wishes, or hopeful thoughts, etc.?

HAPPYFATCHICK, I don't understand at all how you are being a jerk. Of course you wish your mother's old friends had come to visit earlier. It hurt to see her alone during that time. And please, please, please tell us the stories we wouldn't believe.

[crazycatlady58]

CRAZYCATLADY...I often have a similar but opposite question. If someone asks for prayers, is it ok for someone who is not religious (like me) to offer good thoughts, healing wishes, or hopeful thoughts, etc.? )

Loves2dance, for me a big yes, I always want good thoughts, good wishes etc. I ask because we have a lot of people who are going through a very bad time here. Sometimes people get angry for me offering to pray to someone that they do not believe in. I did not want to add more anger or stress someome more.

HAPPYFATCHICK, I don't understand at all how you are being a jerk. Of course you wish your mother's old friends had come to visit earlier. It hurt to see her alone during that time. And please, please, please tell us the stories we wouldn't believe.

HAPPYFATCHICK, you have every right to your anger, fear and hurt. Please do not stop comming here and sharing YOU, your wonderful stories, your fears and even your anger. I always hope you have posted when I come to the prayer closet.

Loves2dance, I did answer you, but it posted odd, my answer ran together with your post when I quoted you.I did not know if you saw it and did not want you to think I did not respond.

Edited January 9, 2016 by crazycatlady58

[Barb23]

Oh Happy - I really can't add any more to what has already been said. Unfortunately, my mother has become one of those friends that disappears. Just a little recap: her next door neighbor & good friend of almost 50 yrs. went into Asstd Living before Xmas for dementia& is doing well. While the dementia was taking its toll on Mrs D, my mom would rarely see her unless Mrs D's daughter or others were around. My sister & I can't figure out why. My mother is one of the kindest people in the world. So what if Mrs D didn't comprehend what mom was saying or if mom had to repeat herself, go over & sit with her for an hour rehashing the old days of the kids growing up. The funny thing is, mom still wants all the details of what's going on with Mrs. D. My sister is good friends with Mrs D's daughter so she does get the scoop. Sometimes my sister with holds info cuz she feels if mom can't go to see, she doesn't deserve scoop. My MIL (yes, same one I bitched about before) has a good friend with no local family that she visits almost weekly at another Asstd Living. She takes her out to lunch & even hunted down & found a certain type of Xmas hard candy her friend likes. MIL says she leaves in tears & misses the old friend her friend will never be again. (Does that make sense?) Back to Mom, my sister & her are planning a visit soon to see Mrs D. The Asstd living is in our town, about 5 minutes away so I don't know what big deal is. Mom has excuses. Don't know why Mom is /was afraid to be with Mrs D. Like I said, if others are around, no problem.

[pennben]

I think everyone responds differently, and that doesn't mean they care less or the next person cares more, it's just how we all process things.  I had a elderly relative die years ago and one of her friends of probably over 70 years (they grew up next door), wouldn't come to the hospital and was one of the last at the visitation, and then, several of us had to coax her up to the casket to say goodbye.  I've never had anything but compassion for her because, for whatever reason, it was too much for her. We all do what we can do, that's all we can.  I am sometimes (okay, often) less (okay, lots less) charitable with my family in times of crisis, but I do try to think of that woman, standing at the back of the room, just not capable of putting one foot in front of the other, to say goodbye to someone she would have walked through fire for, and I am grateful that I can be the strong one often and hopeful others can help me when I may not have the strength someday. 

Edited January 9, 2016 by pennben

[XinaMarie]

My MIL was the good daughter that saw her mother through her Alzheimer's. She moved her mother and father from Arizona in their declining years and she took care of her father while he was sick first and then later when her mother was dying. She has two other sisters. One of them is an egocentric "Christian." (My husband and I stayed at her and her husband's house when we went to go see the Nebraska/Notre Dame game years ago and spent their entire time witnessing to us and making snide comments about my Catholicism.)

 

Once her mother was in a home, the older one came down once to visit and the younger one maybe once every 5 or 6 years. My MIL was at the home 3 or 4 times a week visiting with her, talking to the staff, bringing her mother clothes, eating dinner with her. etc. When she was dying the younger one did come down, the older one did not. When they buried her, the younger one came down, but the older one did not...but two of her children did.

 

Anyway, my MIL's mother had nice things (multiple sets of fine china, silver settings, hummels, llardros, waterford, etc. They were high society where they lived. MIL held on to these nice things for years and years in her own home and had monthly storage fees for off site storage. She did not want to get rid of anything of her mother's while she was still alive because it seemed disrespectful. And of course the sisters were making claims to all sorts of things. The older sister did come down one time to visit her mother, but it was really to pick up a set of china she wanted. Mostly they wanted MIL to ship things to them. If you ask me, she deserve to liquidate the estate so that she could get money to take care of her mother, since she was footing about 90% of the bill. The others would give money when asked, but she had to ask.

 

We live in the same town and my husband never went to go see his grandmother either, so he is just as bad, but he isn't making demands on her stuff and he was there when she was dying. When I had my premature daughter (1 lb. 4 oz.) I was a little afraid of what his commitment to seeing her in the hospital would be. She was there for 11 months total. He was there every night even though all she did mostly was sleep and we rarely got to hold her.

 

Please take care of yourself HFC. The caregivers and the toll it takes on them are often the ones forgotten about. These long term medical situations are marathons and unless the cross is yours to bear, you are thankful you aren't the one carrying it and go about your merry way. I found out who my real friends were that I could depend on. I am now the primary care giver for a special needs child who will never be independent and whom I have to plan for for years well beyond my expiration date. The same MIL above has been very unhelpful to me. I guess she is done helping and now it is time for her to have her season in life to relax and enjoy. Anyway, the people that I can count on are very few and far between, but little by little I am collecting a group that cares about me, but also include and accept my daughter.

 

I feel like I am rambling, but it is hard to care for others if you neglect yourself. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first! And when I figure out how to do it, I'll let you know.

[GeeGolly]

Forgive me HFC and others. I find I have to scroll through the death and dying with dementia and Alzheimer posts. My heart is still wounded with the passing of my mom a few years back.

 

Warm & fuzzies to you all now and in the future regarding this.

[kathe5133]

I have I guess a different perspective on dementia. (Alzheimer's typically strikes when folks are way too young, different story). My grandmother lived until her mid 90's, but had no clue who or where she was. She was happy. She ate every meal with relish and enjoyed every cigarette we let her have. You had to watch her with the cigarettes cause she'd sometimes try to put the lit end in her mouth, but damn, she enjoyed them! When all this started she was still living at home with my aunt. She would have spells of dementia, but most of the time she was lucid. That was hard on her. Once she volunteered to go into a nursing home the dementia took over and she was blissful in her ignorance. It was hard on us though. Seeing your grandmother, who was always prim and proper, sashaying down the hallway of the nursing home, topless, while belting out the song "Oh believe me for all those endearing young charms....." What do you do? We laughed, you either laugh or you cry. But, she didn't know what she was doing was wrong. Yes, if she'd been in her right mind, she would have been horrified, but she didn't know.

It was hard on her daughters and granddaughters to see her like that, but it gave me peace to know that she wasn't in pain, was well fed and clean. I had a lucid grand mother until I was in my 20's. Would I have rather she died, fully lucid in her 60's? Then I would have missed her in my high school days. Buying me halter tops and showing me how to get out of the house without my mother finding out I had no bra on! I wouldn't trade those days for anything and I know she wouldn't either.

So, I have no fear of growing old and losing my faculties. Shove me in a nursing home and make sure to slip me a smoke now and then. I won't know the difference.

[lookeyloo]

So sorry HFC, and for my other cyber friends who have experienced similar heartbreaking situations.  We are sort of in one.  Mr. lookeyloo's mother has a kind of  dementia,  not Alzheimers.  His father says the drs. say it is from diabetes going un taken care of.  She had doctors, she has means, she has her husband to nag her.  She decided when she was diagnosed about in her 70s that she could "cheat" and didn't have to do anything to forestall the current situation.  We all saw her decline.  Her husband was in denial for a long time.  then he got part time help.  then she began to fall and he couldn't lift her up.  Now she is in a very expensive private care place.  They have means.  He is against welfare, etc.  But, guess what, is trying to figure out a way to get her on Medicaid!!!  Because he doesn't want to spend his own money!  We are appalled.  But, they are Mr. lookeyloo's parents and over the years they have become very nice to me.  Not that they weren't nice, but I was totally inappropriate in their minds as a wife to their son.  (Going on 34 years now).  Anyway, we keep in touch and visit as much as we can.  We are going back in a few weeks. I encourage Mr. L. to call his father very frequently.  His mother doesn't know us anymore, we think, from last visit.  She perks up with company, but, doesn't remember anyone was there.  That's fine.  It's mostly for him now anyway.  It's very sad to watch all of that, and watch him try to cope.  He is a very strong, proud man and not getting any younger.  So, it is, like I said, heartbreaking.  And I can't remember who said that their mom's friend couldn't come say goodbye.  Sometimes people just can't. 

[Happyfatchick]

You guys are the best. I guess I was having a "moment" last night. I'm feeling much fresher and lively today. Getting ready to go spend the day with Mama.

GeeGolly, I don't blame you at all for scrolling past all this whining. When I get past it for myself, I will NOT want to revisit with someone else.

I've had some unintentional downtime this week - completely unplanned. Because I fell on Tuesday and twisted my knee badly, I was ordered by our sitter to stay home with my leg propped. In order to type this next sentence, I did some deep breathing exercises and flexed my finger muscles because: I fell off a ladder. Although TECHNICALLY, I did NOT fall off the ladder. The ladder FELL, and I happened to be on it. It was not pretty, and I seriously thought that knee might require some surgery. I couldn't stand upright and put any weight on it at all. The family has all been teasing me mercilessly about borrowing Mama's walker. My dh brought me his grandfather's cane - and I used it. It's much much better today, MUCH better. Such an enormous relief. My cousin gave me some anti-inflammatory pills to try, and it is seriously a miracle.

But that, of course, is only part 1 of my "Good News Saturday" broadcast. Part II: my little cocker LIFTED HIS LEG to pee this morning!!! I realize this isn't a "huge" deal, given my current horizon, but I've always wanted him to be a lifter, and he's always been a squatter. He's the cutest dog anyway, and he has eyelashes that are (no kidding) over 2" long. He's not just a gay dog, he's a QUEEN. So seriously, the lifting thing was a high point in my day. Yay!

Lookey: I'm on the in-laws team about the Medicaid. They probably paid their fair share into the system over the years, and It's time to get a little return on that. The funny part is that the FIL has been so anti-handout, right? I imagine his whole world is a little tilted right now. I'm glad she's being so well taken care of. I'm a little curious what an upscale nursing facility even offers that makes it different than the average one. There's only so much you can do to erase that pervasive urine smell and the lonely old people perched like birds all over the halls. Especially near the doors. Con artists! "My son was coming to get me and he forgot! Can you take me to him?"

My son went with me to visit an old family friend in a nursing facility once (not upscale, we're talking pee and perched birds). He'd just finished Marine boot camp and so I made him wear the "blues" so she could see him dressed out. They were having lunch in the big dining room when we came in, and it was so DARN gracious. There were veterans in that room who stood up with their mouths hanging open. You'd have thought that kid had 40 lbs of hardware including a purple hear and a Medal of Honor, but those older guys knew he was a newbie. Every single one of them (all of them!) reached out to touch him, to shake his hand. They treated that kid like absolute royalty. Awestruck. And the sweet lady we went to see cried and held onto him. She said "I didn't even recognize you when you came in! I thought to myself: now who is that handsome young man here to see???" It was probably "that moment" for my son, the moment he realized the legacy and the responsibility.

Edited January 9, 2016 by Happyfatchick

[Love2dance]

Loves2dance, I did answer you, but it posted odd, my answer ran together with your post when I quoted you.I did not know if you saw it and did not want you to think I did not respond.

Thanks, CRAZYCATLADY for your response. I did miss it before. I guess good thoughts, in every form, are hopefully welcome by all.

By the way, I am LOVE2DANCE. Believe it or not, there is another poster on the PTV forum named LOVES2DANCE. Isn't that just the craziest coincidence?

[lookeyloo]

Lookey: I'm on the in-laws team about the Medicaid. They probably paid their fair share into the system over the years, and It's time to get a little return on that. The funny part is that the FIL has been so anti-handout, right? I imagine his whole world is a little tilted right now. I'm glad she's being so well taken care of. I'm a little curious what an upscale nursing facility even offers that makes it different than the average one. There's only so much you can do to erase that pervasive urine smell and the lonely old people perched like birds all over the halls. Especially near the doors. Con artists! "My son was coming to get me and he forgot! Can you take me to him?"

.

HFC - we are all for using social programs when necessary. What is appalling is for so many years he would be on a soapbox about paying taxes, lifting up by bootstraps, lazy, etc. and he has a lot of money. He doesn't need to be using resources that others truly need. Anyway there are places where for money you can buy better care than the average good nursing home. There is one in the city we used to live in. It is a complex of apartments, assisted living and nursing home care. They held an open house and my girlfriend and I went. Beautiful. We toured the apartments. They have private garages and entrances on one side and are connected by hallways to all the common places. There are three restaurants, gym, etc. most people start in the apartments and move to assisted living and then nursing home. If they live long enough. They don't tell you how much it costs u til they vet you and your finances. But the residents who were there said pretty much you tell them how much money you have and that's what is costs. Or some kind of formula. Several of them said they sold their houses and used that $$ towards entrance. Lots of things are covered - food, laundry, maid service to name a few. They have a generator to keep the whole facility running at full power during the outages which are common. All that takes $$ and those people pay it. Nursing home care supposed to be the best. They don't take Medicaid clients. The place the mother in law is in is similar except they can't have all the $$ because father in law is still living in their house. He had the idea of both of them going into assisted living there but he would have to give up too much control and she needs nursing home care. He visits her every day.

Anyway - these are all very sad situations.

Edited January 10, 2016 by lookeyloo

[crazycatlady58]

Thanks, CRAZYCATLADY for your response. I did miss it before. I guess good thoughts, in every form, are hopefully welcome by all.

By the way, I am LOVE2DANCE. Believe it or not, there is another poster on the PTV forum named LOVES2DANCE. Isn't that just the craziest coincidence?

sorry I got your name wrong.

[Muffyn]

HFC, our tiny Chinese Crested Powderpuff stretches out to pee. I like to say he's doing downward facing dog. Every now and then he lifts a leg but he's not as stable that way. He's got long, skinny legs.

[NikSac]

hehe... I'm sorry for such a light post with so many serious things going on but the doggie pee posts are cracking me up. My dog does a funny "#2" thing that we call the tripod. He absolutely must have one back foot up in the air, practically touching his ear, before he'll go. He also prefers to go on top of something - including once a really small stick that had to be really difficult to even aim for (but he did it!). When he gets really fancy he balances on his front two legs and has both back legs off the ground. It is sooo hard not to laugh hysterically when we see him doing it.

[mccav]

hehe... I'm sorry for such a light post with so many serious things going on but the doggie pee posts are cracking me up. My dog does a funny "#2" thing that we call the tripod. He absolutely must have one back foot up in the air, practically touching his ear, before he'll go. He also prefers to go on top of something - including once a really small stick that had to be really difficult to even aim for (but he did it!). When he gets really fancy he balances on his front two legs and has both back legs off the ground. It is sooo hard not to laugh hysterically when we see him doing it.

Oh NikSac, I'm so glad to hear about another dog with the magical elevating back legs. My daughter has a Boston Terrier, and I was completely terrified the first time I saw him do that.

[Micks Picks]

NICSac and the pee posters, you're killing me here.  I've had 2 female dogs, at 2 different times, who always 100% peed like boys, and had one dog who also liked to poo ON things.  Leaves would do, but barely, much preferred flat rocks, big sticks and branches, even a bush.

Edited January 10, 2016 by Micks Picks

[Happyfatchick]

Niksac, this is ridiculous we're talking about doggie potty habits, but there's a Jack Russell in our circle that does that same thing squatting and balancing on his front feet with his two back feet pointing upward. Cracks me UP! So now I'm wondering if your little pal is a JR? It's so crazy how dog breeds carry traits over. I have a boxer who likes to sit on the heads of our other dogs. I always thought it was her personal favorite. I was at a friends house once, and she owns a boxer. While I was there, I looked out in the yard, and there's her boxer, sitting like a queen on a throne - on the other dog's head. I looked it up online when I got home, and it's just a thing boxers do.

[NikSac]

Niksac, this is ridiculous we're talking about doggie potty habits, but there's a Jack Russell in our circle that does that same thing squatting and balancing on his front feet with his two back feet pointing upward. Cracks me UP! So now I'm wondering if your little pal is a JR? It's so crazy how dog breeds carry traits over. I have a boxer who likes to sit on the heads of our other dogs. I always thought it was her personal favorite. I was at a friends house once, and she owns a boxer. While I was there, I looked out in the yard, and there's her boxer, sitting like a queen on a throne - on the other dog's head. I looked it up online when I got home, and it's just a thing boxers do.

 

ha... I know, ridiculous, but it's still kinda fun and apparently more common than I thought. My guy is half Jack Russell, so maybe that's where he gets it from. It's really funny when people are over and happen to look out in the yard when he's doing his thing. They can't stop laughing.

[Almost 3000]

Oh goody dog talk ~ I had a basset hound before the dog I have now. I think he was basset beagle mix or a designer bagel aka mutt. Anyway, he had a long low body and big flapper feet but his head was more beagle. I'm sure he could have been inspiration for a cartoon character. People would laugh at him as they drove by when we were out and about because he was a silly looking thing. He loved to catch flying bugs and one time he did a perfect, per-pen-dic-ular, puppy pirouette and nabbed a fly. It was an amazing sight coming from such a stout low slung dog. I got him at around two years so he came with this odd poo poo habit. He would find a bush or something or somewhere to hang his butt so his poo would be hidden. He always seemed rather embarrassed by the whole process. Great dog. Came from the pound housebroken and knew a few commands and tricks but he was a runner. Nose to the ground and off he went. I'm sure that's how he ended up in lock-up and I was lucky enough to find the goof ball.

[Love2dance]

sorry I got your name wrong.

Oh my gosh, no problem at all, CRAZYCATLADY. In fact, I even got the names confused when I came across one of LOVES2DANCE posts, and was so shocked 'cause I didn't remember posting that at all. Joke's on me...I didn't post it. Took me awhile to see the one letter difference in our names. I contacted her with a PM so she wouldn't be similarly confused if she came across one of MY posts.

[Happyfatchick]

My brother had a Burmese Mountain dog that liked to poop on top of bushes. They walked him 2 miles every day, and his favorite stop was a row of boxwoods at the entrance to an upscale neighborhood nearby. Big dog, big poo. I always thought that was so funny - but I'm sure the people in that neighborhood didn't appreciate it so much.

Edited January 10, 2016 by Happyfatchick

[Micks Picks]

Big dog walking neighborhood here, and I rarely find any poo in my parkway. Everybody carries bags. Boxwoods are not the best bushes to go in, my dog often found bushes where it fell down through the bush so I didn't have to pluck it off the top nor off the ground. Good boy. 12 or 13 dogs in my adult life, multiples all the time, and only on my second boy. We get lots of dogs over for company, yes, the dog has his friends and play groups. Yesterday it was 2 puggles for 2 or 3 hours. A puggle sounds like what Almost 3000 was describing.

[GeeGolly]

Our little Granddog, a chihuahua mix does a tripod squat to tinkle. She squats, then lifts one hind leg. When done, she daintily-undaintily wipes her feet.

Edited January 10, 2016 by GeeGolly