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Small Talk: The Prayer Closet


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Isn't this the truth? I like to hear about the kids and the dog/cat or what people have been doing all year, but the stuff that's just plain bragging -- please.

I'm with you --I like to hear about what people have been doing until it gets to bragging. The one family we used to get a year end wrap-up letter from is now divorced. So much for the perfect family. It was written a little differently - mom & dad would each write a section & included an update on the nanny. Even my son looked forward to the letter & would read it out loud, making a big to do by emphasizing the exciting parts with "oohs & aahs."

  • Love 2

I'm enjoying all the cats and spirits conversations!

I am a cat person. However, this is a one cat household because our kitty doesn't do well with other cats. Even at the shelter, she was the "house cat" who lived in the office/reception area. She isn't a cuddly cat, but she has other endearing qualities. She is extremely talkative, which I especially love. She had quite a traumatic existence before she became part of our family, so we enjoy spoiling her in every little way we can.

I have had quite a few experiences with loved ones who have passed. A lot of them happen at this time of year because the holidays make me think of and miss everyone who is gone.

  • Love 6

Did they ever actually do a reality show where people were made to live like they were in pre-technology times, or was that just a plot on the Simpsons? Maybe that can be TLCs next big thing. Take away all the Duggar's cellphones/internet etc and watch Benessa & the Dullards try have a ministry that consists of more than posting instagram pictures of bible passages, and videos of themselves handing out tracts and doing embarrassing skits.

I'm a huge fan of the PBS "house" shows. I bought a bunch of them on DVD when they first came out: 1900 House (British and good), Frontier House (the best, IMO), Colonial House (very good and a sociological goldmine--all of y'all here who love snarking on and analyzing the Duggars should check it out ASAP), and Texas Ranch House (the last one PBS did, and probably because things got really problematic--a little too contentious for PBS, probably).

Every one of the American versions had at least one fundie family, and ALL the biggest interpersonal troubles were deeply amplified by the fundies in all the shows. In one form or another, they were bossy, opinionated, judgmental, didactic, and holier-than-thou. Colonial House had LOT of people (a whole colony...go figure), and the fundies really ganged up on the non-Christians.

The Duggars would fit right into the shitty attitude that happened among the fundies on those shows--the surface sweetness masking an I-know-better-than-you-because-Jesus, but they would have folded like cheap suits trying to actually survive the conditions set up. What: no hair products??

Edited by SometimesBites
  • Love 6

I can understand people wanting to be cheerful in their holiday letters and not try to depress anyone, but some people definitely cross the line. I like hearing who graduated or who took a trip, but I don't want to hear about your problems with getting just the right travertine marble for your fifth bathroom.

 

We must have a strange array of relatives. We get some of the "brag" letters, some of the "woe is me" letters, and a handful of those that are in between. I like the who graduated, took a trip, etc. stuff though. I was kind of surprised when we started getting the "here was our horrible year" letters - guess it's an age thing? But I must admit I like the in between letters. It helps me keep up with relatives we talk to but not that often. Heck I've even grown to enjoy the photo-only, or photo-with-signature-only cards. The really braggy ones and the really downer ones are hard to take, though.

  • Love 5

I'm a huge fan of the PBS "house" shows. I bought a bunch of them on DVD when they first came out: 1900 House (British and good), Frontier House (the best, IMO), Colonial House (very good and a sociological goldmine--all of y'all here who love snarking on and analyzing the Duggars should check it out ASAP), and Texas Ranch House (the last one PBS did, and probably because things got really problematic--a little too contentious for PBS, probably).

Every one of the American versions had at least one fundie family, and ALL the biggest interpersonal troubles were deeply amplified by the fundies in all the shows. In one form or another, they were bossy, opinionated, judgmental, didactic, and holier-than-thou. Colonial House had LOT of people (a whole colony...go figure), and the fundies really ganged up on the non-Christians.

The Duggars would fit right into the shitty attitude that happened among the fundies on those shows--the surface sweetness masking an I-know-better-than-you-because-Jesus, but they would have folded like cheap suits trying to actually survive the conditions set up. What: no hair products??

I LOVED those series! 1900 House was the one with the dad in the military and the twin girls, right? They seemed like a lot of fun and really embraced what would be such an unusual experience. 

 

Frontier House had the 3 families, right? I haven't seen either of these since high school (so about 15 years ago) but I still remember them. I really liked the young couple who were married during filming (Nate and Kristen?). He was such a nice guy! I remember him giving his gloves to the prissy little girl from the other family and sending her home while he finished her chores in the snow (which she should have done earlier). His wife seemed like she had a good spirit for adventure too. I've actually wondered about them over the years. 

 

I've never seen Colonial House or the Texas Ranch one. I'll have to look around for all of these. I'd love to see them again. It would be fascinating for them to revive this series of shows, now that smart phones have come along and we're even more dependent upon technology. 

Edited by Jenniferbug
  • Love 3
The Duggars would fit right into the shitty attitude that happened among the fundies on those shows--the surface sweetness masking an I-know-better-than-you-because-Jesus, but they would have folded like cheap suits trying to actually survive the conditions set up. What: no hair products??

 

I thought that was the funniest thing on Frontier House, when the spoiled girls sneaked hair products into the cabin then complained that they couldn't get them rinsed out properly. (Sometimes it does take a lot of hot water to get products out and I don't think they heated enough.) I laughed and thought, dummies, just use vinegar as a rinse and it'll get out completely! Of course no one studies for these shows, and I don't see the Duggars actually surviving for all their "roughing and scrimping".  

  • Love 5

Also, there was Manor House, and a 1940s House, which dealt with life in London during the Blitz, I believe. Manor House was great, and was put out on dvd.

 

There was some sneaking of modern hair product in the 1900s House as well.

I'm going to have to look for these. Does anyone know if they are available on Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon streaming? I'm skeptical that our local library would have them, as it's pretty small. 

I loved 1900's House. The family researched and tried really hard. And I believe Julian Fellows (Downton Abbey) was the one who made the house historically accurate. The mom just about had a breakdown, because the dad sauntered off to his (modern) job as a Royal Marine recruiter, and she was left at home to do EVERYTHING. She kept the twin girls home from school to help with the laundry, because she just couldn't do it all herself (and didn't want to hire a maid). After she nearly peeled all the skin off her hands from working in lye soap, she hired a maid. IIRC, that didn't work out because there were personality conflicts. I also remember her son wouldn't eat anything except bread and cheese, and she was beside herself over that. Definitely not the romanticized Victorian/Edwardian lifestyle we think it was! She was exhausted just doing the most mundane things (and all the girls hated their undergarments--corsets, bustles, etc.).

  • Love 7

I'm going to have to look for these. Does anyone know if they are available on Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon streaming? I'm skeptical that our local library would have them, as it's pretty small. 

Because they've been out so long, I didn't see them up to stream on those sites, BUT, I see someone has put all the episodes up on YouTube: Frontier House, Colonial House, and Texas Ranch House are all there.

 

For me, the fascination isn't so much in watching how people manage primitive skills, per se, but in watching the fascinating interpersonal dynamics of the participants.

  • In Frontier House, the family from Tennessee manages the practicalities really well, but their marriage starts falling apart and the wife is a bit...shall we say, alienating. The other family comes from massive wealth (the family business contracts well with the military) and they simultaneously entertain and irritate with excuses, whining, and actual cheating. The last family is a young couple (they marry on the show) who both ROCK--hard-working, kind, non-judgmental, and funny.
  • Colonial House appoints the fundie pastor from Texas as colony governor, and it's a riot watching him trying to herd the athiests and ale-swillers into subjection.
  • Likewise, Texas Ranch House puts the fundie family in the position of "ranch owners," and they are absolutely the laziest, most insufferable, underhanded, backstabbing assholes imaginable. Let's just say the cowboys are not amused. :)

 

Back when these shows first ran, I was on TWoP, and participants from Colonial House and Texas Ranch House found the forums and gave us all sorts of dirt from behind the scenes. :)

 

Now you must all commit to watching the shows so we can chat about them!

  • Love 7

I loved 1900's House. The family researched and tried really hard. And I believe Julian Fellows (Downton Abbey) was the one who made the house historically accurate. The mom just about had a breakdown, because the dad sauntered off to his (modern) job as a Royal Marine recruiter, and she was left at home to do EVERYTHING. She kept the twin girls home from school to help with the laundry, because she just couldn't do it all herself (and didn't want to hire a maid). After she nearly peeled all the skin off her hands from working in lye soap, she hired a maid. IIRC, that didn't work out because there were personality conflicts. I also remember her son wouldn't eat anything except bread and cheese, and she was beside herself over that. Definitely not the romanticized Victorian/Edwardian lifestyle we think it was! She was exhausted just doing the most mundane things (and all the girls hated their undergarments--corsets, bustles, etc.).

I remember that too, just the way you described.  I think they eventually had to get the boy some modern food as close to that period as possible because the doctor said he was losing weight.  sometimes the "good ole days" aren't that good.

  • Love 5

I remember thinking the little boy was kind of a brat about not eating. He was definitely old enough to not be such a picky eater. I wonder if I'll still think the same when rewatching, now that I have a child of my own who occasionally has a hunger strike.

He was a brat about it, he was about 7-8 yrs old, but that age can be the height of picky eating for some kids (though my cousin is 25 and still lives on chicken fingers & fries; she was and is a pain when it comes to choosing restaurants). He was a picky eater in the 20th century, so his choices were narrowed further. They ended up making him an era-appropriate version of mac & cheese. The food she prepared looked good, it just took forever on that coal-fueled cooker and wore her out in the process.
  • Love 3

I love Frontier House.  I saw an update on the couples not too long ago.  The Tennessee couple divorced shortly after they came back.  The rich couple also divorced.  I saw the rich couple dad once at our local outlet mall.  I live in Vegas and you never know who you will see.  Anyway, I don't know if he was divorced then or not, but he was with two VERY YOUNG Asian girls.  They weren't relatives, if you know what I mean.  

  • Love 6

I love Frontier House.  I saw an update on the couples not too long ago.  The Tennessee couple divorced shortly after they came back.  The rich couple also divorced.  I saw the rich couple dad once at our local outlet mall.  I live in Vegas and you never know who you will see.  Anyway, I don't know if he was divorced then or not, but he was with two VERY YOUNG Asian girls.  They weren't relatives, if you know what I mean.  

Gordon Clune

remarried to an Asian woman who is a restaurateur. The two girls could be his daughters or some other relative of his wife's.

I know the shows are very old news, but if there are people here who now might want to watch the shows for the first time, perhaps a spoiler tag for the updated information about the show participants?

  • Love 1

Gordon Clune

remarried to an Asian woman who is a restaurateur. The two girls could be his daughters or some other relative of his wife's.

I know the shows are very old news, but if there are people here who now might want to watch the shows for the first time, perhaps a spoiler tag for the updated information about the show participants?

So sorry. I'll remember for next time. My bad.

Eta: stupid auto correct.

Edited by toodles

BBC had something on maybe 16 years ago where they had a number of couples stuck on a Scottish island.  No amenities other than provided by the show.  They had regular clothes and jackets and bunks to sleep in, I think.  Some kind of latrine.  There was a flock of sheep and it occurred to them they could gather the sheep into the fenced pen, and get themselves some much needed wool and even if push came to shove, a meal.  I laughed so hard at those people chasing the sheep up and down the hillsides.  When they'd stop the sheep would flock together.  Like sheep do.  Somebody finally got the bright idea of disassembling the fence and bringing it to the sheep to enclose them  It worked.  Later when the crew offered each couple an item from home, one guy said to bring hack his dog.  It was, of course, a border collie who knew what to do with sheep and deer and ducks without instruction.  Which is precisely why city girl here got border collies, ranch bred, when I decided to enter the sport.  One of us had to have a clue, and it sure wasn't me.  

  • Love 8

No wonder shipping companies have difficulty delivering online purchases in time for Christmas  each year...

 

Today is Free Shipping Day and retailers are promising delivery by Christmas Eve. (an annual event)

This should be held earlier in the season (last weekend would've been a bit more realistic/ doable for already overwhelmed delivery companies!

  • Love 1

Going back to the various PBS House shows for a minute, is there enough interest in a watch/rewatch to justify requesting a show thread? If there's just a small handful of us, we could discuss via a group PM instead. I'd suggest starting with 1900 House since it was the first and then deciding after that which one to watch next. PM me if you're interested, as I don't want to completely derail this thread :-)

  • Love 1

Ugh, there is an old Dr Phil on right now. Some dumbass impoverished family with a bazillion kids that refuses all help because they feel this is God's will. Hey morons! God is trying to help you via others. Idiots! I literally cannot watch. I hope Dr Phil knocks their stupid heads together and/or CPS is waiting in the wings.

Edited by Tabbygirl521
  • Love 2

Ugh, there is an old Dr Phil on right now. Some dumbass impoverished family with a bazillion kids that refuses all help because they feel this is God's will. Hey morons! God is trying to help you via others. Idiots! I literally cannot watch. I hope Dr Phil knocks their stupid heads together and/or CPS is waiting in the wings.

 

"And God said, I sent you a newscast, a police officer and a rescue boat.  Don't blame your house getting washed away on me."

  • Love 6

OK...since a couple of people did ask, here's my coinstar related "ghost" story...

 

This took place a few years ago when we were stationed  in Hawai'i. Actually we were in the process of moving back to the mainland, and my husband had gone ahead of me by a few weeks while I dealt with the packout logistics, getting our son (the only kid still left at home) ready for his own move to college in North Dakota (!), etc.

 

The house we lived in was one of the historic homes on base right across from the shipyard. It had been built somewhere around 1913, so was one of the original structures which had been there during the attack. Lots of people we knew (mostly in either those houses or the ones on Ford Island or Hospital Point) had their own stories of strange happenings, but though we had been there for two years, I never felt anything but a gracious vibe about the house. Quite welcoming, really (which I was glad about as I'd frankly had just a tiny bit of trepidation about living in such a notoriously "haunted" area).

 

At any rate, the last couple of weeks I was there, I was alone in the house. Son was gone, all the furniture packed out, and just living with a few pieces of "Aloha" furniture until the last of the logistics were taken care of and I could fly out. Since I'm a fairly reclusive person by nature that actually suited me pretty well, and though I met a couple of people for lunch or whatnot during those last weeks, no one else actually came in the house.

 

As I've mentioned, I save bags of change for the coinstar, and had a pretty hefty one which I'd planned on trading in right before leaving. Again, it was stashed in a drawer in the bedroom which was in a sort of remote end of the house, which even if someone HAD come inside, which they didn't, they would have to really be scrounging around the far corners to come across it.

 

One evening, having nothing else to do, I dumped all the change out on the bed and counted it. There was the usual assortment of coins in there...nothing out of the ordinary...I had it all in neat little piles, so I'd have noticed. When I was done, I put it back in the bag and stashed it back in the drawer.

 

The following day, I took it to the coinstar and started dumping it into the tray. As it started slipping its way down the chute, suddenly I saw an odd coin, different from anything else, and managed to grab it before it slipped away.

 

It was a silver half-dollar. From 1941.

 

I have no idea how it got there, and there may be some logical explanation, but I can't think of one. I choose to think it was a farewell present from some long ago resident of the house who had enjoyed our company :)

Lots of reading to catch up on and I've been just skimming through posts but, this got my attention.  After I saw the year of the coin it reminded me that the Pearl Harbor attack was on December 7, 1941.  So I'm chosing to also think that it was a farewell gift as well as a reminder of what happened that year.

  • Love 1

I was out and about today. My hairdryer blew yesterday and short circuited my bathroom. So I got a new one. Hair dryer, not bathroom.

Anyway, I was listening to npr and they had a biblical archeologist talking about Bethlehem around the time of Jesus's birth.

It brought to mind a radio talk show I used to listen to and the host has the same first name as me. Dr toodles was talking with a little fundie girl that wanted to be a biblical archeologist more than anything. Her father, of course, didn't want her out in the ebil world. She needed to stay home to do wimmin work. The call just broke my heart. It was a calling for this little girl. Dr toodles was very kind to her and and told her to keep trying. The little girl said she would keep praying for her father to let her have her dream. Dr toodles said she hoped the kept her dream and thought she would be a wonderful archeologist.

Forgive the long story, but I think of this when I think of those duggar kids trapped in that house with no choices. Yeah, some of the duggars are adults, but if you had any dreams of a different life squashed at all opportunities, would you have the courage and strength to keep trying? I like to think that I would, but I think it would be unbelievably hard

 

eta:  I forgot to say the archeologist was a woman.  I like to believe it was the little girl that called Dr. Toodles way back when.

Edited by toodles
  • Love 6

Christmas letters: we get 2 of those every year. Both are typed with no paragraph spacing and have to be manipulated to fit on one page. One from my cousin who lives in Oregon, that is a roll-your-eyes read from start to finish every year. Gah!! She makes me tired. She married a narcicist who methodically separated her from every scrap of her family and completely controls everything she does. Over the years, he had great big plans for their cabin in the woods - it was going to be fabulous and never materialized much past four walls and indoor plumbing. You can imagine the titallating reading on that page. I haven't read one in years, but continue to get them like clockwork.

The other is one of those guys (and I love him dearly!) who spent his 4 years in the navy during 'Nam, and still to this day calls the restroom "the head". Marches in the Veterans Day parade, and still keeps up with his Navy buddies. THIS letter drives me insane because he THRIVES on the good 'ole boy theme. Something like this:

"Me and Anna was blessed to achieve the 7th level of grand parenthood this year. Laura popped out another little boogar back in April. She's a big'un, but she shore is purty. Laura and them is doing well. Looks like we gone have a tough winter after all that there rain in the fall. I guess the good Lord knows what we need, and we know He's gone supply." Etc, etc.

I don't read his letters either, but in real life, I shore do love 'im. He's one of those guys -seriously - that, other than the stupid holiday letter - goes around doing good things for people behind the scenes and never says a word. I've found out so many, many times that he's taken on so many onerous tasks - taking meals to elderly people, cutting grass for someone sick, cleaning out gutters for someone who can't do it. He's just a good, good man. He's weird, yes, but he's got a heart of gold. When my son finished Marine boot camp at Parris Island, he and his wife got up at 4 in the morning and drove over there for the ceremony. You can't even really make fun of those characters. You can tell the story, but you can't poke holes in it. He always needs a haircut, always needs a beard trim, always wears sandals, even when it's freezing. He looks like someone who ought to be holding a sign that says, "will work for food", even though they live nicely and could certainly afford to look better. I just LOVE that guy, with his chutzpah to BE who he wants to be - a non-conformist - with his amazing ability to love and share with others in his pocket. Love the guy. But I shore do hate those dad-gum year end letters.

Edited by Happyfatchick
  • Love 10

I keep getting a weird pop-up for HBO and something else that completely takes over the screen. I refuse to click on it and just reboot the whole forum.

You can page-back out of those. I too had been x-ing out and reopening.

I got a bunch last week and they were reported in the Site Business:Bugs. Wouldn't hurt to try to grab the address and re-report

Poor Dave. He's had quite a week.

OK...random question...what temperature do you like to sleep at?

 I'll admit that I do like it cooler than most people; I really can't sleep in anything above 70 and preferably closer to 65 so I always end up having to blast the a/c during the summer. And during the winter I am happy enough to keep the house at 60 at night, though even cooler is even better as I just loooooove to bundle up in a nice hefty comforter, but can't do that unless the room is really on the nippy side (low 50's is great). Sleeping with the windows wide open during a frosty night is my idea of heaven. I'll compromise, though...as long as it's under 70.

 

My husband, on the other hand, though he doesn't like it overly warm hates to hear the a/c at night or to feel a fan on him while he sleeps. So he slept in the guest room almost all summer. And now that it's cooler, he's willing to sleep in our bed again, but if it's 65ish in the room I have to throw the comforter off to cool down (and then it's more or less fine) and it ends up either on top of him or wedged in the center so he feels as though it's taking up too much room. So he goes to sleep in the guest room. And if he's going to leave anyway, then I open up the window because at least I can be comfy. Which, of course, makes him feel as though I'm trying to kick him out...

 

So now he's complaining that he never gets to sleep in our bed anymore, and when am I going to start keeping the house at a temperature like "normal people" at 68-70.? Am I really so far off from "normal" for liking to sleep in a cool room?

 

And I'm not sure I get how if the room is at 65or so he has to find extra blankets to keep himself warm enough, but if my side of the comforter falls on him when I throw it off that is a bad thing. Uurgh! never mind, I'm just venting LOL.

  • Love 7

You can page-back out of those. I too had been x-ing out and reopening.

I got a bunch last week and they were reported in the Site Business:Bugs. Wouldn't hurt to try to grab the address and re-report

Poor Dave. He's had quite a week.

Thanks, NEWDIGS, I will give page-back a try. If it pursists, I'll contact poor overworked Dave.

  • Love 1

OK...random question...what temperature do you like to sleep at?

 

I'm another who likes the bedroom to be cool.  In the winter (I live in MA) the thermostat for the bedrooms is set pretty much as low as it will go without turning it off completely at about 55F.  I've been known to turn on a fan in the winter.  I just prefer sleeping all cuddled up under blankets.  I even keep the rest of the house cool as well with the thermostat set at 65F.

  • Love 4

I never realized how fortunate I am that my husband and I both like roughly the same sleeping temp.  We set the thermostat at 60 at night in the winter. In the summer we'd love to put it at 70 but the power bill would be terrible, so we usually go with 80 during the day and 75 at night.  Also, we both like fans on year round for the noise and the breeze. I seriously can't even sleep without at least a desktop type fan (which also goes with us if we travel anywhere), but we usually have the ceiling fan going too.

  • Love 2

Mr lookeyloo and I like it about the same temp. I use more

Clothes and blankets than he does but we are both okay. Sometimes I can't get warm. I don't think I make a warm spot in the bed because I don't generate enough body heat. All those years ago my father used to tell me to "put

On a sweater" as if that would help. I feel like I am cold on the inside and no amount of sweaters will help that. I longed for the day I could control the thermostat. And now I can.

  • Love 4

I also like it very cool. I remember my grandparents used to keep a bedroom window open in the winter and I wish I could do that. Hubby likes it cool, too, but he's not about to have the heat on and a window open. And we have to keep the house at minimum 66/67 or our son's asthma acts up. And now with greyhounds, who have zero fat and bare bottoms and bellies, we definitely need to keep it at 67. Even though I made them some pj types fleeces, I didn't do a very good job. (Greyhounds are shaped really weird.) But if I could I'd keep it cooler in the bedroom. As it is, it gets warm in there in the winter because of the way the heat vents are set up. It sucks. All those cute flannel pajamas are a no go for me. 

 

I don't do well with heat, so in the summer it's set to 74 and that sometimes feels too warm. It sucks at night. 

 

It's weird, I'm not a very good bed companion, and I've suggested that we sleep in different rooms but hubby is adamant that he wants to sleep in the same bed. So deal with the snoring and the cover stealing, then.

  • Love 3

We turn off the heat at night and open the bedroom window, year round. We both have this psychological need for fresh air. Every morning in winter we realize we're insane, as it takes the house forever to come up to temp. Thank goodness we are in sync about this.

Edited by Tabbygirl521
  • Love 3

I am a freak because I keep my house cold. I also cannot tolerate humidity, so I run my AC way more than most people. I get hot easily when I am up and moving around, and when I'm lounging around, I like to keep a fleece throw blanket over my legs. Luckily, I am not married. It's just my daughters and me, and they are used to living in a cold house. I also love to crack the window open while I'm sleeping during the winter. I didn't know there were others like me.

  • Love 6

I also like it very cool. I remember my grandparents used to keep a bedroom window open in the winter and I wish I could do that. Hubby likes it cool, too, but he's not about to have the heat on and a window open. And we have to keep the house at minimum 66/67 or our son's asthma acts up. And now with greyhounds, who have zero fat and bare bottoms and bellies, we definitely need to keep it at 67. Even though I made them some pj types fleeces, I didn't do a very good job. (Greyhounds are shaped really weird.) But if I could I'd keep it cooler in the bedroom. As it is, it gets warm in there in the winter because of the way the heat vents are set up. It sucks. All those cute flannel pajamas are a no go for me. 

 

I don't do well with heat, so in the summer it's set to 74 and that sometimes feels too warm. It sucks at night. 

 

It's weird, I'm not a very good bed companion, and I've suggested that we sleep in different rooms but hubby is adamant that he wants to sleep in the same bed. So deal with the snoring and the cover stealing, then.

Ha! I just read on Yahoo an article about a lady in England who knits sweaters or jumpers for Greyhound recuses. I'm surprised so many ladies here like to sleep cool but add me to the me too pile.
  • Love 4

Sleeping is not one of my better talents - I'm missing the shut off valve that puts you in gray area that leads to deep sleep. I can't shut down. Even with my trusty sleep aid, I'm over an hour falling asleep every single night. Sometimes way over.

And apparently, my inner thermostat is getting rusty along with the rest of me. I can't stand any kind of body heat next to me. I like air circulating around me (and often crack a window or turn on a fan in winter). I feel claustrophibic and want to claw my way out of bed if I "feel" crowded in my sleep. So...I'm a roamer. I technically moved myself to our guest room about 1 1/2 years ago. It saved my marriage. I'm not kidding. It really did. My husband (and I love him) is not a particularly nice man. If he has some stress at work, he is clipped and short, demanding. Not personable. Not a warm fuzzy. Can't be bothered with pleasantries or basic "niceness". We've had the discussion a hundred (a hundred thousand?) times about that one issue. I'm a very, very low maintenance kinda girl. I don't ask for much, and certainly don't demand much. But I demand pleasant. I need it, I crave it, and you will be respectful of your energy in my space. That said, I don't WANT to a) be "available" for Mr. Prickly by sleeping in close proximity or b) feeling all awkward every day about wanting to have a pleasant space. For me, it was a matter of sticking up for myself. It's fairly rare, in my world, but I did it. And it kept me from tossing him into the yard. I do love him (I love who he can be...), I truly do. But I hate that man who is him under stress. Our service manager keeps sending him home on Fridays. "Go ahead, man, I got it. Start your weekend early!" We've actually played rock, paper, scissors over who has to babysit the bear on Fridays. (We just talked about it this week, in fact - I'm hopeful we've reached a truce and he only gets to send him home every other Friday. Half is fair I guess). I'm oversimplifying, but I'm telling you, one day his head is going to explode. So so so many nights over 15 years, I've said (after he's bitten me for the 5th or 6th consecutive time since walking in the door, "k, pal. Conversation for this night is OVER. we'll try again tomorrow night. Text me if you need anything more tonight". Childish much? Absolutely. But. It's either that or walk completely away to preserve my own sanity.

I don't talk about it much, that we don't habitually share a bed. Ok, I never have admitted it before. I miss the "normalcy" of sharing the bedroom - you know, not trying to hide it from others. But I don't miss the rest at all. I LIKE having my space. [all this weirdness from a discussion about sleeping temps, right?]. I cannot, CANNOT sleep hot. If he turns up the house heat, I shut my door and turn the fan on. In the summer, that fan is on and pointed at me constantly. I want air moving. No kidding, if it's still and quiet or stuffy, i can't sleep. (I'm the weird woman wandering the halls in the hotel...completely harmless...but bug-eyed with claustrophobia/insomnia). I find I "do" better with windows. The guest room (now my room) has big double windows. But my best, deepest, most enjoyable sleep is in my living room. There are windows on either side of the room. The wall facing the secluded back yard is 80% windows and I love it. I fall asleep on the couch all the time in the light, airy openness of that room. Been trying for two years to figure out how to officially make it a bedroom.

I feel like I'm in an AA meeting. Or a codependent meeting. Spouses Anonymous.

[so anyway...she mumbles as she sneaks toward the exit...]

  • Love 9

I like it toasty warm ... but I too crack a window year round and I live in New England. My husband is like the Prince and the Pea when it comes to temperature. He goes to bed in full jammies and by the morning he is in his boxers and a T. We have our thermostats programmed, but hubby is constantly overriding them. He probably says "Is is cold (hot) in here?" as often as he says "I love you". We've been together over 30 years and it is just one of the many dances we will continue to do.

 

Hard, hard couple of weeks. Not ready to share, but damn what I would give to have a week of being 7 years old again. 

  • Love 6

Who knew a question about sleeping temps would generate such an interesting discussion?  :) 

 

HFC my grandparents-in-law slept in separate bedrooms for most of the time they were married, and both agreed it saved their sanity. They have since passed away but we're talking around 30 years of separate rooms.  I bet it's not as unusual as you think.

 

One other random thought, I don't like to actually BE cold when I sleep, I just like the room to be cold and a nice warm comforter. When my husband and I were traveling last year we went to a place that got much colder than we're used to at night. Well, the hotel apparently thought everyone was REALLY not used to it because the comforters and blankets were so heavy and hot. We ended up sleeping with our hotel room window open (not even just cracked, it was about halfway open) and heater off when the overnight low was 17 degrees.

  • Love 2
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