Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[frenchtoast]

Oh, that's a huge pet peeve of mine. Also? When people write could of instead of could've/could have. I know that's what it sounds like, but that's not what's actually being said. And it's lose, not loose. Aaaand I'd better stop now. 

 

I agree--hotel. As a host or guest, I wouldn't want to be/have someone for two weeks. Everyone needs their own space. I wouldn't think it an insult--I'd be happy to ferry back and forth to hotel, too. Like the saying, fences make good neighbors? Hotels make good guests, even (especially) family.

[crazycatlady58]

My immediate family has always been very close. And like it's been noted on this site while lurking, if you want to remain close to brother (son) you have to be nice to their spouse. It's just weird here on the west coast for me sometimes. I finally sat down and told my brother I love to be with them. Heck, I've gone to get get the oil changed with him just we could talk. But finally tonight, I told him I bite my tongue a lot. Like this afternoon, asked my niece to help me find all dirty towels(wanted to help by getting them caught up with the laundry).Both parents have the kind of stressful careers I just escaped, so I do anything I can do to help out. But I knew the mom would think I was nagging if I asked the daughter again. End result, kid stayed on Facebook, no laundry got done, and I again bit my tongue.. I don't know if my southern cousins just know me better or it cultural. But if their kids didn't immediately stop what they were doing and get what I asked, I would have to save the kid from getting in trouble. I love my sister in law and the kids, i really do. I just don't always understand them.

[crazycatlady58]

I have the same problem with young people. I have not figured out if it is where you are from or what the adults expect from them. I am from Texas and as a child or teenager, if an adult would have said" Why don't you help find all the dirty towells so they can be washed" I would know I needed to do that NOW if not sooner. It seems like kids do not hear that as a request to do something. Now they must be told " Get off of facebook and do it right now or else." It seems a lot of them to not hear the nicer way of asking someone to do something.

Sorry, I still seem to have problems getting the quote in the same box as the reply.

Edited December 15, 2015 by crazycatlady58

[Catlyn]

Everyone has little peccadilloes that can set another's teeth on edge. I don't see anything wrong with a hotel room for two weeks instead of staying with family. (Of course I'm the one when my mom died and my family gathered and stayed at my brother's house for the arrangements was so glad to go home alone!)  Two or three days is a small inconvenience for everyone, but not the end of the world, after a week you begin to have lifestyles combining and not everyone is ready to mesh. (Living together is another ball of wax, but long-term temporary arrangements are not fun. You don't want to get too much into a routine, but want to have some sort of order...Yes, hotels do seem to work best for the two weeks for everyone's sanity. Your sister-in-law hopefully, will see the intelligence in the system. 

 

Besides, if you have sleep problems, a hotel room would allow you to wander awake, without bothering your relatives. I hated when I stayed at my sister's and couldn't sleep. I would have to go to the living room and turn down the tv (only one in the house besides the one in my sister's room) real low and try to watch something. I hated that. I felt like a kid again trying to sneak to watch tv when my parents were asleep. (I even had my own bedroom at her place!)

[Barb23]

And another plus...every year I save my loose change (and some $1 bills, now that they take paper money as well)  to a coinstar machine and trade it in for an Amazon gift certificate in December. This year it added up to $176. I think my record was $212, but in any case, it's a relatively painless way to rack up some Christmas cash.

I also have a related "ghost" story dealing with this custom of mine. But I may or may not have shared that at some point already, so won't bother with it at the moment unless anybody asks.

Mr Barb has done this before & it's amazing how it adds up. Please share your story now that you have piqued my interest. (&others)

Funny guest room story: My son was 3 when we moved into our house. He wanted to know what we were going to do with our extra bedroom. I explained it would be a guest room & gave the example of "When Uncle Larry visits from Florida, he can stay there." Somehow it ended up being called "uncle Larry's room" & is a storage (aka junk) room. Funny thing is, in 23 yrs, Uncle Larry has never stayed or probably stepped foot in "his" room & he stays with my mom in her house a few streets away when he visits. Even when the time comes when my mom is gone, I'm sure he'll stay with my sister who can offer a more private room w/attached bath.

[JenCarroll]

My kids thought we said "bears' room" instead of "spare room." They moved a couple of teddy bears in there so the room wouldn't be lonely. And all these years later, that's what we still call it.

ETA But the bears have moved on.

Edited December 15, 2015 by JenCarroll

[MargeGunderson]

Travel17, I agree with the other posters who've recommended the hotel. I  have another take on your SIL -- perhaps she's upset because you won't be there 24/7 the whole time to help her out. It sounds like you've been incredibly generous with your time and energy on all of your visits (staying with the kids so they can go on vacation? Wow!), and maybe she was counting on your help. If that it the case, it sounds to me like she should be thanking you for all of the times you've stepped in, not making the assumption that when you visit that you are just an extra set of hands for her.

 

I realize that's a little cranky, but I've been inundated lately by requests to do things for others that they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves, but they just don't have the time/effort. So I freely admit I may be reading more into the situation than I should.

Edited December 15, 2015 by MargeGunderson

[Lemur]

Christmas and family visiting. I live in the south and when family visits, grownups take kids room and the kids camp out. Is that a southern thing? I am 50 and having issues with my back and really don't want to camp on a twin mattress on the floor, in the library alcove, no walls or doors for 2 weeks. The regular inhabitants of the house are the parents (broher,sister in law) two teenagers and a middle schooler, all with their own rooms. Am I being ugly for wanting to go to a hotel? Or is the way I do it, some weird form of southern hospitality and you put your guests wherever so your teenagers aren't inconvenienced? Im visiting the west coast. Please correct me if I am looking at it wrong.

 

Two things here.  One, you bet your sweet assets that if I was expected to visit for two weeks, someone minor's rear end would be sleeping on a couch.  In lieu of a real-life, actual guest room, the ONLY reason the kids shouldn't be expected to give up their room, especially for two freaking weeks, is if they have finals for the semester, and even then, a little couch time ain't gonna kill them.  As for your question about opting for a hotel, no you are not being ugly.  You are being quite sensible.  As Poor Richard said, house guests, like fish, begin to stick after three days.  For the sake of your back and your relationship with your family (I'm assuming you like these people and want to keep it that way), I'd say opt for the hotel and emphasize that you're back can't take a twin mattress on the floor. 

[Missy Vixen]

We have family members who are incessant about "well, why don't you come down here and stay overnight before fill-in-the-blank holiday". I realize this makes me sound like a high maintenance beeeyotch, but I don't stay overnight in other people's houses anymore after a few really unpleasant experiences. We both use CPAP machines as well, and we've had the discussions about that, too. ("Can't you go without it for just one night?" Sure, if I want to spend the next day with a huge headache...) Plus, we're over 50 now; sleeping on the floor or a blowup mattress is not my favorite.

 

I do my best to be polite and diplomatic, but I do tell people that we'll be staying in a hotel or driving to the holiday celebrations that morning. I'm sorry if they don't like it, but I need sleep. And a bathroom I'm not sharing with 10+ other people.

[Jynnan tonnix]

OK...since a couple of people did ask, here's my coinstar related "ghost" story...

 

This took place a few years ago when we were stationed  in Hawai'i. Actually we were in the process of moving back to the mainland, and my husband had gone ahead of me by a few weeks while I dealt with the packout logistics, getting our son (the only kid still left at home) ready for his own move to college in North Dakota (!), etc.

 

The house we lived in was one of the historic homes on base right across from the shipyard. It had been built somewhere around 1913, so was one of the original structures which had been there during the attack. Lots of people we knew (mostly in either those houses or the ones on Ford Island or Hospital Point) had their own stories of strange happenings, but though we had been there for two years, I never felt anything but a gracious vibe about the house. Quite welcoming, really (which I was glad about as I'd frankly had just a tiny bit of trepidation about living in such a notoriously "haunted" area).

 

At any rate, the last couple of weeks I was there, I was alone in the house. Son was gone, all the furniture packed out, and just living with a few pieces of "Aloha" furniture until the last of the logistics were taken care of and I could fly out. Since I'm a fairly reclusive person by nature that actually suited me pretty well, and though I met a couple of people for lunch or whatnot during those last weeks, no one else actually came in the house.

 

As I've mentioned, I save bags of change for the coinstar, and had a pretty hefty one which I'd planned on trading in right before leaving. Again, it was stashed in a drawer in the bedroom which was in a sort of remote end of the house, which even if someone HAD come inside, which they didn't, they would have to really be scrounging around the far corners to come across it.

 

One evening, having nothing else to do, I dumped all the change out on the bed and counted it. There was the usual assortment of coins in there...nothing out of the ordinary...I had it all in neat little piles, so I'd have noticed. When I was done, I put it back in the bag and stashed it back in the drawer.

 

The following day, I took it to the coinstar and started dumping it into the tray. As it started slipping its way down the chute, suddenly I saw an odd coin, different from anything else, and managed to grab it before it slipped away.

 

It was a silver half-dollar. From 1941.

 

I have no idea how it got there, and there may be some logical explanation, but I can't think of one. I choose to think it was a farewell present from some long ago resident of the house who had enjoyed our company :)

[Tabbygirl521]

OK...since a couple of people did ask, here's my coinstar related "ghost" story...

This took place a few years ago when we were stationed in Hawai'i. Actually we were in the process of moving back to the mainland, and my husband had gone ahead of me by a few weeks while I dealt with the packout logistics, getting our son (the only kid still left at home) ready for his own move to college in North Dakota (!), etc.

The house we lived in was one of the historic homes on base right across from the shipyard. It had been built somewhere around 1913, so was one of the original structures which had been there during the attack. Lots of people we knew (mostly in either those houses or the ones on Ford Island or Hospital Point) had their own stories of strange happenings, but though we had been there for two years, I never felt anything but a gracious vibe about the house. Quite welcoming, really (which I was glad about as I'd frankly had just a tiny bit of trepidation about living in such a notoriously "haunted" area).

At any rate, the last couple of weeks I was there, I was alone in the house. Son was gone, all the furniture packed out, and just living with a few pieces of "Aloha" furniture until the last of the logistics were taken care of and I could fly out. Since I'm a fairly reclusive person by nature that actually suited me pretty well, and though I met a couple of people for lunch or whatnot during those last weeks, no one else actually came in the house.

As I've mentioned, I save bags of change for the coinstar, and had a pretty hefty one which I'd planned on trading in right before leaving. Again, it was stashed in a drawer in the bedroom which was in a sort of remote end of the house, which even if someone HAD come inside, which they didn't, they would have to really be scrounging around the far corners to come across it.

One evening, having nothing else to do, I dumped all the change out on the bed and counted it. There was the usual assortment of coins in there...nothing out of the ordinary...I had it all in neat little piles, so I'd have noticed. When I was done, I put it back in the bag and stashed it back in the drawer.

The following day, I took it to the coinstar and started dumping it into the tray. As it started slipping its way down the chute, suddenly I saw an odd coin, different from anything else, and managed to grab it before it slipped away.

It was a silver half-dollar. From 1941.

I have no idea how it got there, and there may be some logical explanation, but I can't think of one. I choose to think it was a farewell present from some long ago resident of the house who had enjoyed our company :)

That is a wonderful story! I love the idea of it being a gift.

[wilsie]

Jynnan tonnix  It's an awesome story!  Thank you so much for sharing it.  LikeTabbygirl521  I, too, love that you believe it's a gift.  It sure was from someone.

[Happyfatchick]

I love ghost stories!

[travel17]

Thanks Everybody for letting me vent. All is well(used the not a good houseguest line, and kept saying it). I'm out, and I think me and my sister in law are good. I was never blessed with children, but I like them or at least the ones in my family. My only set of nieces and nephew live in California and I have always been determined to be as much a part of their life as my long distance aunt and uncle were in mine. I think maybe my brother is way more excited to have his family than she is and I can get that. I really do try to look it from her view. But, I have really flown in and exchanged keys and kids, so she and my brother could fly out to vacation alone on multiple occasions. I have taken sick kids to to the doctor, and even taken care of her sisters sick kid so nobody would have to miss work. So I just always thought we were kind of past the distant in law stuff. Anyway so happy I vented here and not at loud, so thanks again!!

[Wellfleet]

So this has nothing to with anything that's been discussed here, but today I had to work with an outside contractor, and he kept saying 'pacific' when he meant 'specific' and it was driving me nuts.

And if he was someone I worked with all the time, I would have found a polite way to point out they were using the wrong word, but I'd never met this guy before, so I let it pass. Now it's hours later and I'm still annoyed, because that's one of my peeves.

 

Ask him to say "spaghetti" and see what happens - LOL.

[Wellfleet]

Oh, that's a huge pet peeve of mine. Also? When people write could of instead of could've/could have. I know that's what it sounds like, but that's not what's actually being said. And it's lose, not loose. Aaaand I'd better stop now. 

 

I agree--hotel. As a host or guest, I wouldn't want to be/have someone for two weeks. Everyone needs their own space. I wouldn't think it an insult--I'd be happy to ferry back and forth to hotel, too. Like the saying, fences make good neighbors? Hotels make good guests, even (especially) family.

 

I so agree. It makes me crazy when people write COULD OF instead of COULD HAVE. Also for all those who have SpellCheck problems, there is an easy answer. Turn SpellCheck off, or actually proofread before sending. I'm always stunned at how many mistakes I find, many of which SpellCheck would never find anyway.

[kalamac]

Spellcheck is the worst. The fact that it doesn't understand context...we once copied a block of text into word, and turned on spellcheck to see what it would flag. Along with continuously suggesting we were using the wrong version of 'their' when we weren't, it also said we should change the sentence 'She went to their house' to 'her went to there house'. gahhhhhh. You can tell when someone's blindly made spellcheck corrections without checking to be sure they need them, because things don't sound right when you read them.

Edited December 15, 2015 by kalamac

[Missy Vixen]

Okay. I'm supposed to be writing, but this is writing, right? (My deadline is just after New Year's. I'm probably not going to make it.) And this concerns staying overnight at someone else's house, so it's not totally OT, is it? Enable me, won't you? ;-)

 

We have some family "friends" who send a holiday card every year. We haven't seen or spoken with them in almost seven years, despite the fact they live ten miles from our house. They used to live in our neighborhood and we were very close to their daughter, whom I will call Chrissy for the sake of anonymity. When we met Chrissy, she and her mom were alone and living across the street. Chrissy is the kind of child you wish was your own. Intelligent, funny, well-behaved and a joy to be around. Of course, she got to hang around with us as much as she wanted. Her mom can be a nice person, but she's also very Christian and a long-time devotee of Dr. Laura. Several years after we met them, Chrissy's mom met a guy and fell in love. They got married. We were invited to the wedding and the half-hour fundie reception, which consisted of cake, punch and coffee; they had a sit-down dinner for approximately 50 family members and friends later that evening nobody at the fundie reception was invited to. (Remind you of anybody? Gift grab!)

 

We moved to another community and saw Chrissy and her family occasionally. Her mom and stepdad had a couple more kids. We noticed something odd. They never invited us to do anything social with them. It was all about "witnessing". We got invitations to Chrissy's church Christmas program, joining them at church, etcetera. For anyone of my background, walking into any church building is excruciating. I might also add that we were open about the fact we don't have the same political or religious beliefs but did not emphasize this. We'd like to think we're adult enough to have a conversation with someone else without pushing our POV on them. I wish I could say the same about them. We were invited to their home to meet "snowflake twins", for instance. We were invited to Chrissy's going away party when she went to college, which turned into an anti-Obama political rally. They gave us a Christian-oriented book as a "gift" each Christmas. In other words, they were rubbing our noses in the fact we didn't believe in the same things they did. We kept ignoring this stuff because we really did care about our young friend Chrissy.

 

Chrissy's step-dad called my husband out of the blue and invited him to some "breakfast for men" in the Seattle area a few years ago. We live in a community that floods in the fall and winter. Unfortunately for us, this particular flood was serious. When my husband called to tell the guy he really needed to decline and "maybe another time", the guy insisted he must be there because he "already paid for the ticket". Our community turns into an island when the flooding is that serious. Sure enough, my husband left for the breakfast, the last way back into the community was sealed off by water while he was gone, and he spent three days on his sister's couch in Seattle without necessary medications or even a change of clothes. And the "breakfast for men" was yet another evangelism effort.

 

The guy in question didn't offer my husband a couch to sleep on, despite the fact my husband told him (politely) that he couldn't get back home that afternoon because of the flooding. I think about it and I'm still mad. We went out of our way so many times for this family. It seems our version of what is "good and right" is different from theirs; I would have been embarrassed to learn I caused someone else so much trouble and asked if they'd like to sleep in our guest room, or eaten the cost of the ticketed breakfast in the first place. I realize this whole description is very long, but I left out a lot of stuff that happened that made them look even worse when I reflect on it.

 

We thought they really were our friends for so many years. It took us several years to figure out that we were an evangelism project for them. Years later, they're still sending cards at the holidays, despite the fact we haven't seen them since 2008, they have no interest in seeing us, etcetera. I realize the adult thing to do is to just throw this year's card out before we bother to open it, but every time that card shows up, I wish I could write them a tactful note to say "it was nice to know you, best wishes in the future, please take us off your card list".

 

Here's my crazy question: Do you know anyone else like this? How did you deal with it?

[SongbirdHollow]

Fifty must be the magic age, because I turned 50 this year and finally put my foot down about traveling for Christmas. I have never in all my life had a Christmas in my own home. As a kid we always went to stay at Grandma's 2 hours away and as an adult I've always traveled "home" 5 hours away to visit family. Well, I live on a hobby farm and travel arrangements are always super stressful with all the animals to take care of. Add to that a bona fide panic attack in traffic on I-95 last summer and I AM DONE. The gauntlet has been thrown down and I expect much wailing and gnashing of teeth before it's all over but my ass is staying home this year. I have a huge house and if people really want to see me they can come here.  But I hope they don't, hah!

[lookeyloo]

OK...since a couple of people did ask, here's my coinstar related "ghost" story...

 

This took place a few years ago when we were stationed  in Hawai'i. Actually we were in the process of moving back to the mainland, and my husband had gone ahead of me by a few weeks while I dealt with the packout logistics, getting our son (the only kid still left at home) ready for his own move to college in North Dakota (!), etc.

 

The house we lived in was one of the historic homes on base right across from the shipyard. It had been built somewhere around 1913, so was one of the original structures which had been there during the attack. Lots of people we knew (mostly in either those houses or the ones on Ford Island or Hospital Point) had their own stories of strange happenings, but though we had been there for two years, I never felt anything but a gracious vibe about the house. Quite welcoming, really (which I was glad about as I'd frankly had just a tiny bit of trepidation about living in such a notoriously "haunted" area).

 

At any rate, the last couple of weeks I was there, I was alone in the house. Son was gone, all the furniture packed out, and just living with a few pieces of "Aloha" furniture until the last of the logistics were taken care of and I could fly out. Since I'm a fairly reclusive person by nature that actually suited me pretty well, and though I met a couple of people for lunch or whatnot during those last weeks, no one else actually came in the house.

 

As I've mentioned, I save bags of change for the coinstar, and had a pretty hefty one which I'd planned on trading in right before leaving. Again, it was stashed in a drawer in the bedroom which was in a sort of remote end of the house, which even if someone HAD come inside, which they didn't, they would have to really be scrounging around the far corners to come across it.

 

One evening, having nothing else to do, I dumped all the change out on the bed and counted it. There was the usual assortment of coins in there...nothing out of the ordinary...I had it all in neat little piles, so I'd have noticed. When I was done, I put it back in the bag and stashed it back in the drawer.

 

The following day, I took it to the coinstar and started dumping it into the tray. As it started slipping its way down the chute, suddenly I saw an odd coin, different from anything else, and managed to grab it before it slipped away.

 

It was a silver half-dollar. From 1941.

 

I have no idea how it got there, and there may be some logical explanation, but I can't think of one. I choose to think it was a farewell present from some long ago resident of the house who had enjoyed our company :)

I love that story!!! Here is mine - about 12 years ago my beloved baby brother killed himself.  It obviously was one of the worst experiences of my life.  All those emotions, sadness, guilt (although my rational self knows about that), going with my son closest physically to deal with it all several states away, lots of crying, etc.  Make my way home.  I feel like I am in a daze most of the time. One morning a few days later I went to Sam's.  don't remember why.  Maybe to get out where no one would talk to me.  It was very empty.  I was standing between the rows and the checkout.  By myself.  Just standing.  all of a sudden, I felt a cold breeze by my face and had a strong smell of the cologne my brother wore. I turned around thinking someone walked by wearing it.  But, no, I was totally alone.  I felt like he was there with me.  During the next few weeks Mr. lookeyloo would walk in the hallway of the house and he would say "Do you smell that? It's Him"  No, I didn't. But he did, twice.  And he is a nonbeliever but couldn't argue with that.  comforting and freaky at the same time. 

[Barb23]

Great news !! My son got the job he interviewed for last week. He starts next week & is so excited. What an early Christmas present & nice way to end the year on a good note.

JynannTonnix- loved your ghost story. Thanks for sharing.

Travel17- Your Brother, SIL, & nieces & nephew are so lucky to have you in their family. You have gone above & beyond what is expected of a visiting aunt. I'm sure you've made a positive impact on your nieces & nephew's lives. My son was born when my sister was getting back on her feet after a divorce & helped her get thru some tough times. They are still close after 26 years.

Happy - how is the new grand baby doing?

[emma675]

I hate it when people use "seen" wrong. As in, "I seen my doctor" or "I seen him at the store". Gah! That's the worst and it seems to be everywhere lately.

 

I will be spending Christmas Eve by myself for the first time ever and I'm looking forward to it (although there was some minor mama drama about it). I have to work a half day and I don't want to rush home, pack up everything (including my dog), throw them in the car and drive two hours+ to get home. And then turn around and drive to another family member's house on Christmas day and then back to my parent's house. So I'm choosing to stay home and drive home once on Christmas day. I plan on making myself a fancy dinner, watching a church service on tv and going to bed early.

Edited December 16, 2015 by emma675d

[Barb23]

Lookeyloo- Loved your story too & it gave me chills. You summed it up well in your last line "comforting and freaky at the same time." Like I posted before, shortly after my father-in-law died, the Christmas music boxes my MIL had started playing on their own. We feel it was his way of telling us he was OK.

[RedPonyDriver]

Well...today is a good news/bad news sort of day...

Good news: We got the keys to our new place today and will start moving in tomorrow

Bad news: It's a WHOLE lot smaller than we thought

Good news: I get to throw out a whole bunch of stuff again

Bad news: If we ever move into a bigger place I'll have to buy stuff again

Good news: The apartment complex is VERY quiet and gated

Bad news: no internet access. 

Good news: no more killing time playing on the internet

Bad news: I will miss all of you

Good news (I guess)...if anybody wants to keep in touch, PM me for my email address...I can get email on my phone. 

[lookeyloo]

RedPonyDriver - wishing you good things with the move. Can you check in with us from a library computer?

[CherryMalotte]

Do you know anyone else like this? How did you deal with it?

 

You don't.  Not worth the effort.  Chrissy is at an age where if she hasn't absorbed all the kool aid that mom and step dad were doling out you may still have contact with her, but it will be her choice.  One day you might hear from her out of the blue.  The parental units though...forget it.  Don't waste the stamp.

 

I got fed up with one of my mother's cousins a while back.  I suppose he is technically my cousin, but I never ever see him or his wife or kids, he's older than me, no big loss.  We'd get one of those damn Christmas updates every year with a card - you know the type, isn't life wonderful, just bought a new plane, new home, went to XYZ on vacation, here's a picture, here's all the charity work we do, gawd just on and on.  I don't begrudge that the guy is successful, but the bragging shit was just too much, especially the year from hell when my husband lost one job, it was hell to find another, and five family members died, a sister in law, great aunt, husband's godfather, and then another great aunt and one of my two grandmother's passed the same week as one of the aunts.  So I've been to five funerals, last one for Grandma the first week of December and here comes the yearly bragfest.  I thought 'that's enough of this shit!' and sent one of my own back.  I don't have a copy of it right in front of me but I basically said that it was the year from hell, and went over all the deaths, the layoff, being broke, no unemployment, husband deciding to change job types and having to go thru unpaid training, and how thru all of this our offspring still managed to be an A level high school student at a school people were afraid to send their kids to.  I ended it by saying that if we did have the money or time for charity it would be to the local pet shelter - and then added the PS - don't you hate getting those end of the year wrap up letters too?

 

I never did get another card from them, and I sure ain't missing any.    

[BrianJ62]

My BIL has been in a rehab facility for days, he's doing great. They handle people with memory problems and other medical problems. The place looks like a 5 star hotel.

My dad died on Dec 6th 2011, death of a loved one is hard at anytime but especially during/near a holiday.

The hardest call when I was a paramedic happened between Thanksgiving and Christmas, a 9 1/2 week old baby was in cardiac arrest secondary to a mostly non functioning thyroid gland, I felt so sorry for the whole family.

God bless all those who have lost someone this year.

[Almost 3000]

RedPonyDriver - wishing you good things with the move. Can you check in with us from a library computer?

I was going to mention that too. Our local library you can even get access from the parking lot.

[theredhead77]

Here's my crazy question: Do you know anyone else like this? How did you deal with it?

We'll I can be a bit of a curt bitch so I might send something back like "unsubscribe" but if you're not and there is no chance of running into them don't open it and put "not at this address, return to sender".

[bigskygirl]

I hate getting the holiday year end Christmas/New Year news letters too. Got a few from people in past years. I do not send out Christmas cards anymore. I am Miss Humbug. Do not care for the holidays. I am grateful to have a roof over my head, food to eat, for my husband and two cats, but worrying about paying my bills and will Medicaid kick in so I can see a dentist for Bruxism and TMJ Arthralgia may not put a person in the holiday  mood.

[Micks Picks]

My husband died, dog died, house burned down, was rebuilt.  When I moved back in a few months ago, I heard the new refrigerator doors opening and closing late at night.  There was no other noise. The refrigerator and freezer doors (4 of them) make this definitive sucking sound and I laughed because I knew it was my husband.  Probably ticked I let his house burned down but curious what it was like now.  The dog went to the hallway opening to the living room and cocked his head and wiggled (no tail, so he has to wiggle).  I'm sure I know who was looking.  The dog stayed much closer and I still sense her frequently.

[magpye29]

We have this harpoon on a plaque over the front door.  It has a Temple toggle, which means the arrow thingy on the end snaps into place and was designed to pop open once it pierced a whale's hide to prevent the whale from pulling it out.  Anyway, a few weeks ago, we started to notice that the toggle would pop up, even though there's no earthly way to move it other than manually--it doesn't shift when we close the door, slam the door, when the neighbors slam their door or the front door slams.  My husband has been staying with his sister since Saturday, and the toggle was back up on Sunday morning.  I snapped it back down, and came home last night to find it up again.  We've always associated the harpoon with his father, but I can't imagine why his father would visit me.

[Wellfleet]

You don't.  Not worth the effort.  Chrissy is at an age where if she hasn't absorbed all the kool aid that mom and step dad were doling out you may still have contact with her, but it will be her choice.  One day you might hear from her out of the blue.  The parental units though...forget it.  Don't waste the stamp.

 

I got fed up with one of my mother's cousins a while back.  I suppose he is technically my cousin, but I never ever see him or his wife or kids, he's older than me, no big loss.  We'd get one of those damn Christmas updates every year with a card - you know the type, isn't life wonderful, just bought a new plane, new home, went to XYZ on vacation, here's a picture, here's all the charity work we do, gawd just on and on.  I don't begrudge that the guy is successful, but the bragging shit was just too much, especially the year from hell when my husband lost one job, it was hell to find another, and five family members died, a sister in law, great aunt, husband's godfather, and then another great aunt and one of my two grandmother's passed the same week as one of the aunts.  So I've been to five funerals, last one for Grandma the first week of December and here comes the yearly bragfest.  I thought 'that's enough of this shit!' and sent one of my own back.  I don't have a copy of it right in front of me but I basically said that it was the year from hell, and went over all the deaths, the layoff, being broke, no unemployment, husband deciding to change job types and having to go thru unpaid training, and how thru all of this our offspring still managed to be an A level high school student at a school people were afraid to send their kids to.  I ended it by saying that if we did have the money or time for charity it would be to the local pet shelter - and then added the PS - don't you hate getting those end of the year wrap up letters too?

 

I never did get another card from them, and I sure ain't missing any.    

 

Oh, I really don't like those show-off Christmas letters either, the ones where people extol their own virtues and triumphs throughout the whole letter. I just flat-out don't believe them They always remind me of Margaret Thatcher's line: "Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't... Just change Margaret's word powerful to wonderful - and you have those Christmas letters.

[Micks Picks]

I'm so glad Brian found a great place for his BIL.  I have to move to another state, obviously, if I want recuperative health care.  The places here are dumps for $6000 a month or $3500 plus to vegetate in.  No kidding, they are like homeless dorms.  I spent so much money on care in other places, not covered by insurance, and it was better to have him home and pay for palliative workers to come in.  The time he spent in rehab was almost always horrible, asking for an infection, guaranteed to give one depression, dumps.  I'm so afraid for myself.  I'd rather be dead than in a home.  Really.  Yet I hear of places in other states that are very nice, very well run.  Unfortunately, I don't know groups of people other places.  But hurrah to Brian for getting such a nice accommodation.

Edited December 16, 2015 by Micks Picks

[Wellfleet]

OK...since a couple of people did ask, here's my coinstar related "ghost" story...

 

This took place a few years ago when we were stationed  in Hawai'i. Actually we were in the process of moving back to the mainland, and my husband had gone ahead of me by a few weeks while I dealt with the packout logistics, getting our son (the only kid still left at home) ready for his own move to college in North Dakota (!), etc.

 

The house we lived in was one of the historic homes on base right across from the shipyard. It had been built somewhere around 1913, so was one of the original structures which had been there during the attack. Lots of people we knew (mostly in either those houses or the ones on Ford Island or Hospital Point) had their own stories of strange happenings, but though we had been there for two years, I never felt anything but a gracious vibe about the house. Quite welcoming, really (which I was glad about as I'd frankly had just a tiny bit of trepidation about living in such a notoriously "haunted" area).

 

At any rate, the last couple of weeks I was there, I was alone in the house. Son was gone, all the furniture packed out, and just living with a few pieces of "Aloha" furniture until the last of the logistics were taken care of and I could fly out. Since I'm a fairly reclusive person by nature that actually suited me pretty well, and though I met a couple of people for lunch or whatnot during those last weeks, no one else actually came in the house.

 

As I've mentioned, I save bags of change for the coinstar, and had a pretty hefty one which I'd planned on trading in right before leaving. Again, it was stashed in a drawer in the bedroom which was in a sort of remote end of the house, which even if someone HAD come inside, which they didn't, they would have to really be scrounging around the far corners to come across it.

 

One evening, having nothing else to do, I dumped all the change out on the bed and counted it. There was the usual assortment of coins in there...nothing out of the ordinary...I had it all in neat little piles, so I'd have noticed. When I was done, I put it back in the bag and stashed it back in the drawer.

 

The following day, I took it to the coinstar and started dumping it into the tray. As it started slipping its way down the chute, suddenly I saw an odd coin, different from anything else, and managed to grab it before it slipped away.

 

It was a silver half-dollar. From 1941.

 

I have no idea how it got there, and there may be some logical explanation, but I can't think of one. I choose to think it was a farewell present from some long ago resident of the house who had enjoyed our company :)

 

Great story. I think you're exactly right about where the old coin came from....

[Wellfleet]

I love that story!!! Here is mine - about 12 years ago my beloved baby brother killed himself.  It obviously was one of the worst experiences of my life.  All those emotions, sadness, guilt (although my rational self knows about that), going with my son closest physically to deal with it all several states away, lots of crying, etc.  Make my way home.  I feel like I am in a daze most of the time. One morning a few days later I went to Sam's.  don't remember why.  Maybe to get out where no one would talk to me.  It was very empty.  I was standing between the rows and the checkout.  By myself.  Just standing.  all of a sudden, I felt a cold breeze by my face and had a strong smell of the cologne my brother wore. I turned around thinking someone walked by wearing it.  But, no, I was totally alone.  I felt like he was there with me.  During the next few weeks Mr. lookeyloo would walk in the hallway of the house and he would say "Do you smell that? It's Him"  No, I didn't. But he did, twice.  And he is a nonbeliever but couldn't argue with that.  comforting and freaky at the same time. 

 

I think it was your brother, lookey. He was just letting you know he's OK. I've read that spirits frequently make themselves known by scent. I have a good friend who woke up one night smelling the scent of Oil of Olay very strongly in her room. She had an odd feeling about it but managed to get back to sleep. In the morning however, she got a call that her mother had passed away in the night at her nursing home, and - you guessed it - her mother always used Oil of Olay.

[travel17]

Wow, yesterday I saw an ad for phones. The grandfather needs a good cellphone. His kids/grandkids are traveling

and he frequently wanted to know how the drive was going, That commerical was my Gramps. He would have flight numbers, times, connecting cities, and weather delays . He could tell you when/ where/ how the trip was going for those driving. If you needed to know anything about about anyone travel plans, he was the go to guy. We called him the Command station and he loved it. He lost both kneecaps in WWII(along with a bunch of other stuff) so mobility was a big issue. But he could be the best travel coordinator from his recliner and he did it with gusto. My grandmother would look at him and just shake her head ( she secretly loved that everyone shared their travel itineraries and called so much with updates). He, on the other hand, just kept chuckling and updating his notebook. A sprint commercial nearly had me in tears.

So, when I came here and everyone is sharing stories on loved ones returning to "visit" and their identifying scents, the conversation put me in a much better frame of mind. But here's the kicker, I wake up this morning and as I'm coming out deep sleep, I realize I have been smelling my grandfather. Nothing big, just smelled like his skin. Now I do realize it is all in my head. But in my heart, I know it was Gramps.

[travel17]

LookELoo, I also think it's brother.

[Lemur]

When I was moving my mother out the house she and my father had lived in for 35 years, the toilet randomly overflowed.  Like there was no logical, explainable reason for it to overflow.  I was in the house alone, vacuuming, no one had used it.  And the thing just started running and then overflowed.  It hadn't done it previously (if it had, it would have probably taken out the ceiling below it and the bottom sections of drywall - no one was living there at the time).  The last thing he and I fixed together before he got really, really sick was the toilet.  We spent an entire night trying to get the effing thing to stop running or overflowing.  It was literally he and I running in there, adjusting this, that or the other thing.  I swear I could hear him laughing at me.

[Tabbygirl521]

We have this harpoon on a plaque over the front door. It has a Temple toggle, which means the arrow thingy on the end snaps into place and was designed to pop open once it pierced a whale's hide to prevent the whale from pulling it out. Anyway, a few weeks ago, we started to notice that the toggle would pop up, even though there's no earthly way to move it other than manually--it doesn't shift when we close the door, slam the door, when the neighbors slam their door or the front door slams. My husband has been staying with his sister since Saturday, and the toggle was back up on Sunday morning. I snapped it back down, and came home last night to find it up again. We've always associated the harpoon with his father, but I can't imagine why his father would visit me.

Maybe your FIL is ashamed of his son and is trying to comfort you with a visit?

I believe my FIL sent me a cat.

I am about a hair away from being a cat lady. Years ago, we lost a much-loved tabby cat to old age. She used to sleep in the crook of my arm and was just overall a great little friend. After a bit, we adopted another cat, who immediately bonded with my husband and pretty much shrugged at me. I really missed my kitty.

Several months later, my FIL passed away. The day of his funeral was sunny and bright, and when we got home we were sad and fidgety and just went straight into our backyard to sort of decompress. And suddenly along came a tabby cat we had never seen before. He joined us like he'd known us all his life and was was friendly and purring and just a kick. He came by often after that, but we couldn't figure out who he belonged to. As the summer went on, he started lobbying to come inside, but we resisted until we noticed he was getting thinner, at which point it finally dawned on us that he was probably a stray. We advertised him and got no response, and that was that.

We still have him, and he is and always has been MY cat. He is as friendly and sweet as the kitty we were mourning and even looks a lot like her, too. I will always believe he was a gift.

Edited December 16, 2015 by Tabbygirl521

[RedPonyDriver]

My sister-in-law died unexpectedly in 2006. She was crazy about butterflies. I mean CRAZY about them. Since then, it seems like every time I think of her I see a butterfly. Even out here in the desert...I'll see butterflies. I want to get a butterfly tattoo...but I'm chicken. 

 

Oh...my grandmother would come visit too. She was a crazy old lady, in a good way, very much her own person. I would straighten out the pictures of the kids I had hanging in the hallway before I'd go to bed (with the kids, everything was crazy by bedtime). In the morning, they'd ALL be crooked. My grandmother would do that to my mother just to piss her off. It was funny! 

[Liz Tudor]

Tabbygirl521, I enjoy your cat stories. I'm a confirmed Crazy Cat Lady. The most I've had at once is 5, and I've had 6 total. They are all either solid black or tuxies, that's just how it worked out. They are a quirky lot, but we love having them. Something that's stuck in my mind from your stories is that you call your yard "Stripehaven," since you have tabbies. Mr. Tudor and I LOVED that! Glad you got a cat that is "yours." I had to wait a while, but the last cat we took in (he was number 5, and Mr. Tudor really wanted him to have another home) ended up being "mine." The two of us have our "thing," and he doesn't care all that much (just begrudgingly) for Mr. Tudor. I tell Mr. Tudor it's because the cat knows he didn't want to keep him. I'd like to think the ones that "adopted" us (3 total) were sent our way by The Universe...it's been a great experience for all of us!

[Tabbygirl521]

Liz, i am glad you have your own special cat! I know how happy that feels.

We're like you - most of our cats have found us, one way or another. Stripehaven just officially acquired Cat #4, the most we have ever had. This one was left behind when a neighbor moved. Even before they left, this kitty had decided to pretty much live on our deck. We made sure she had shelter and food, but were reluctant to bring her inside in case it upset the balance between our existing three. But we caved a couple of weeks ago when the weather turned. It is working out. She gives out a lot of warning hisses, but the other 3 have been totally mellow with her. We have caught some nose-touching.

Yup, she is a tabby.

The cats don't sleep with us because they keep waking us up for pets. But they come in and snuggle in the morning. Today I had all four pile on - the new kitty on one side and the other three on the other. I needed a selfie stick

Edited December 16, 2015 by Tabbygirl521

[Missy Vixen]

I don't begrudge that the guy is successful, but the bragging shit was just too much, especially the year from hell when my husband lost one job, it was hell to find another, and five family members died, a sister in law, great aunt, husband's godfather, and then another great aunt and one of my two grandmother's passed the same week as one of the aunts.  So I've been to five funerals, last one for Grandma the first week of December and here comes the yearly bragfest.  I thought 'that's enough of this shit!' and sent one of my own back.  I don't have a copy of it right in front of me but I basically said that it was the year from hell, and went over all the deaths, the layoff, being broke, no unemployment, husband deciding to change job types and having to go thru unpaid training, and how thru all of this our offspring still managed to be an A level high school student at a school people were afraid to send their kids to.  I ended it by saying that if we did have the money or time for charity it would be to the local pet shelter - and then added the PS - don't you hate getting those end of the year wrap up letters too?

 

I never did get another card from them, and I sure ain't missing any.    

CherryMalotte, you are my new hero. Good for you that you wrote them a letter in response to their bragging letter. I have considered doing the same more than once to respond to the endless BS we get on a yearly basis from people who are old enough to know better, too. And I am so sorry all of this happened. That whole "sometimes bad things happen to good people" is straight-up bullshit, too. I hope that you continue to be surrounded by those who are a comfort and those who care.

 

Another very short little story re: bragging Christmas letters. We used to get a letter every year from two people that were the definition of "the golden couple": Young, beautiful, financially well-off, great jobs, nice home, tons of friends, spent their time off vacay-ing in exotic locales, etcetera. It all looked perfect. Imagine how shocked I was to be told by a mutual friend that the wife has been in and out of rehab for the past few years for both an eating disorder and alcoholism, almost succeeded in killing herself by drinking rubbing alcohol when she couldn't get her hands on the real thing, etcetera. It's heartbreaking. And we see it play out daily on FB pages, too.

[Lemur]

It's heartbreaking. And we see it play out daily on FB pages, too.

 

That particular situation is heartbreaking, I will agree.  But when karma catches up to them to a lesser degree, I do get that jolt of schadenfreude.  I will admit it.  We used to get one from a family we had been friendly with before they moved down South (he took a job with Billy Graham, so make of that what you will).  As the kids got older, it became more and more interesting.  Little Jessica stopped wearing dresses in the pictures, cut her hair short, dyed it blue ... and then we started getting the barest outlines of her life ("Jessica is progressing through high school.")  And then we didn't hear about her anymore.  Turns out they tried to make her go to conversion therapy and then she took early admission to a college in New England.  She's back in the fold now, and apparently her and her partner are doing well and have two dogs. 

[Tabbygirl521]

I can understand people wanting to be cheerful in their holiday letters and not try to depress anyone, but some people definitely cross the line. I like hearing who graduated or who took a trip, but I don't want to hear about your problems with getting just the right travertine marble for your fifth bathroom.

[Missy Vixen]

I like hearing who graduated or who took a trip, but I don't want to hear about your problems with getting just the right travertine marble for your fifth bathroom.

Isn't this the truth? I like to hear about the kids and the dog/cat or what people have been doing all year, but the stuff that's just plain bragging -- please.

[Lemur]

Isn't this the truth? I like to hear about the kids and the dog/cat or what people have been doing all year, but the stuff that's just plain bragging -- please.

 

It doesn't even have the balls to be a brag, it's a passive-aggressive humblebrag.

[magpye29]

This has probably been said before, but I think it's hilarious that there's a tit in the middle of Tontitown.

[Readalot]

This has probably been said before, but I think it's hilarious that there's a tit in the middle of Tontitown.

literally lol!