Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[emmawoodhouse]

Hugs, @lookeyloo. ❤️

I just wanted to check in to report that I got my first Shingrix shot this morning. So far, no side effects other than soreness at the injection site. I hope I remain that 50% who gets off easy! 

But as you all said, better a little headache or fever for a day or two rather than shingles for months!

[zoomama]

7 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

Hugs, @lookeyloo. ❤️

I just wanted to check in to report that I got my first Shingrix shot this morning. So far, no side effects other than soreness at the injection site. I hope I remain that 50% who gets off easy! 

But as you all said, better a little headache or fever for a day or two rather than shingles for months!

thats the shingles vaccine? because of you all, i spoke to my doctor about it andhe has ordered it for me. i will probably get it on friday. truth.....feeling nervous. is it a live vaccine? 

[crazycatlady58]

23 minutes ago, zoomama said:

thats the shingles vaccine? because of you all, i spoke to my doctor about it andhe has ordered it for me. i will probably get it on friday. truth.....feeling nervous. is it a live vaccine? 

Yes, the shingles vaccine is a live vaccine. I cannot get it for that reason. 

[SunnyBeBe]

34 minutes ago, zoomama said:

thats the shingles vaccine? because of you all, i spoke to my doctor about it andhe has ordered it for me. i will probably get it on friday. truth.....feeling nervous. is it a live vaccine? 

I was informed that the new shingles vaccine is not live, like the old one.  I specifically asked and read about that.  I’ll try to find a link.  
Here it is.  The older vaccine named Zostavax did have live virus, but the new one, Shringrix which is in two parts, is not live.  
 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/shingles/expert-answers/shingles-vaccine/faq-20057859

Edited December 17, 2020 by SunnyBeBe

[beckie]

2 hours ago, rue721 said:

@beckie, if you aren't going to be able to make rent, think about contacting your landlord and asking to work something out -- a deferral, a payment plan, etc. I would also tell the landlord that you're working but can't get enough hours because of the pandemic/restrictions, that you're trying to get a second job to close that gap but haven't been able to get anything yet, that you would like to pay something toward the month but you can't pay it all on time for January, etc. If you're comfortable with it, you might even say that you're having a family crisis and that your husband has had to move out for the foreseeable.

The only thing is that I wouldn't say that your husband is in jail specifically, because as soon as you mention any legal trouble, some landlords will assume you're troublemakers and be ready to get you out of the building for it.

I used to be a property manager and now I work for a firm in commercial real estate (as an accountant). Landlords can be very out of touch, but things are very volatile right now, it's expensive to evict or even get antagonistic with tenants in the best of times, and at the end of the day, they're human beings, too. You definitely have a better shot of them working with you if you communicate with them and are reasonable/realistic and honest. In fact, unless they;re gunning to get you out for some other reason already, I think it's probably 85/15 that they'll try to work out some sort of payment plan with you.

Good luck, I'm sorry you're under so much stress.

My husbands cousin is our landlord and lives in the duplex directly beneath us. He knows hubby is in jail. He was there when he was arrested. 

[emmawoodhouse]

5 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I was informed that the new shingles vaccine is not live, like the old one.  I specifically asked and read about that.  I’ll try to find a link.  

I got a little flyer to read as I waited for the pharmacist. It's not a live vaccine. 

 

[crazycatlady58]

9 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I was informed that the new shingles vaccine is not live, like the old one.  I specifically asked and read about that.  I’ll try to find a link.  
Here it is.  The older vaccine named Zostavax did have live virus, but the new one, Shringrix which is in two parts, is not live.  
 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/shingles/expert-answers/shingles-vaccine/faq-20057859

Thank you so much. This is wonderful news. I will double check with my Dr to make sure I can take it but it looks like I can. To be honest the thought of getting shingles scares me more that the thought of getting Covid. 

[emmawoodhouse]

@crazycatlady58, why can't you have a live vaccine? Do you have a disorder that would cause severe interactions? 

[rue721]

58 minutes ago, beckie said:

My husbands cousin is our landlord and lives in the duplex directly beneath us. He knows hubby is in jail. He was there when he was arrested. 

Ooomph, everybody is in your business 🤦🏻‍♀️ Will he give you more leeway with rent since he knows what’s going on, or will he be an asshole to show he’s on your husband’s side?

[Oldernowiser]

42 minutes ago, rue721 said:

Ooomph, everybody is in your business 🤦🏻‍♀️ Will he give you more leeway with rent since he knows what’s going on, or will he be an asshole to show he’s on your husband’s side?

Legally, I don’t think it matters what the relationship is if the guy’s been cashing rent checks, landlord /tenant laws apply, and he can’t kick you out without going through a legal eviction process. @beckie, google tenants’ rights where you live. Not to repeat myself, even though I am, tell your local domestic violence organization that you’re under threat of eviction. They should be able to set you up with some free or low-cost legal aid.

[beckie]

1 hour ago, rue721 said:

Ooomph, everybody is in your business 🤦🏻‍♀️ Will he give you more leeway with rent since he knows what’s going on, or will he be an asshole to show he’s on your husband’s side?

He's already being an asshole. According to him, I was the one who assaulted my husband,  not the other way around,  and he's also telling people that I have charges against me, but my hubby is taking them for me.

[DangerousMinds]

4 hours ago, beckie said:

My husbands cousin is our landlord and lives in the duplex directly beneath us. He knows hubby is in jail. He was there when he was arrested. 

Is there a domestic violence shelter in your area? I worked for one in the 90s and it housed many women at once and provided food/shelter, clothing if needed, internet access, legal advice, counseling, etc. a truly wonderful place. 

[ChiCricket]

On 12/15/2020 at 4:50 PM, lookeyloo said:

 We are very close with our son in law but it is a very small circle. Zoom and Face Time are just not good enough.  We walk almost every day, shower, etc. but the days are long and hard.  I have a good book on grief and have my training which helps me, and know we just have to go through it.  So, I guess that is all.  

Lookey, here's a video someone sent me, (because of Flaco not being here for the holiday season for the first time.)

It made me cry (In a good way) I hope you (and anyone else here who lost someone this year) find it as comforting as I did

 If you're not ready to hear something like this,  then please just skip watching it. 💗

 

[zoomama]

5 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I was informed that the new shingles vaccine is not live, like the old one.  I specifically asked and read about that.  I’ll try to find a link.  
Here it is.  The older vaccine named Zostavax did have live virus, but the new one, Shringrix which is in two parts, is not live.  
 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/shingles/expert-answers/shingles-vaccine/faq-20057859

thanks. that was very helpful.  might get mine tomorrow if time allows, friday for sure . 

[crazycatlady58]

12 hours ago, emmawoodhouse said:

@crazycatlady58, why can't you have a live vaccine? Do you have a disorder that would cause severe interactions? 

I have arthritis and take a medication that lowers my immune system 

[GeeGolly]

What state do you live in @beckie? Some states are considered 'renters' states some are considered 'landlord' states, meaning sometimes the laws favor renters, sometimes they favor landlords. And do you have a lease? Also, document and date any communication you have with your landlord about the rent, both casual and businesslike.

[beckie]

8 hours ago, DangerousMinds said:

Is there a domestic violence shelter in your area? I worked for one in the 90s and it housed many women at once and provided food/shelter, clothing if needed, internet access, legal advice, counseling, etc. a truly wonderful place. 

There is. But because of the pandemic they weren't taking people unless they were in a really bad situation.  Comparatively,  mine was more mild, and I understand.  I was bullied alot growing up because my youngest brother was disabled,  so I can take it. It just irritates me, mostly because his cousin up until now has been nice to me and he still is, to my face. And then I hear what he's telling others and it pisses me off.

[Scarlett45]

3 minutes ago, beckie said:

There is. But because of the pandemic they weren't taking people unless they were in a really bad situation.  Comparatively,  mine was more mild, and I understand.  I was bullied alot growing up because my youngest brother was disabled,  so I can take it. It just irritates me, mostly because his cousin up until now has been nice to me and he still is, to my face. And then I hear what he's telling others and it pisses me off.

If you feel safe in your current rental situation I would work on staying there. Individual living is always more comfortable (and cleaner, and safer) than group living. 

Your husband's cousin and his gossipy mouth, if he is not threatening your living situation I would ignore him, you cannot make people be decent human beings.

I didnt know you were a Sib too. I am glad you are warm and safe right now.

[beckie]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

If you feel safe in your current rental situation I would work on staying there. Individual living is always more comfortable (and cleaner, and safer) than group living. 

Your husband's cousin and his gossipy mouth, if he is not threatening your living situation I would ignore him, you cannot make people be decent human beings.

I didnt know you were a Sib too. I am glad you are warm and safe right now.

I feel ok in my situation.  I'm glad to not be on the streets.  I've decided if he really gives me shit about rent, that ill ask if we go back to what we were doing before,  which was paying twice a month (half each). I'm sure he'll give me grief over it, but we always paid what we were supposed to and when, unlike a lot of the other people he collects rent from.  

I had never heard the term Sib, until you mentioned your sister.

[Scarlett45]

I am glad you feel okay @beckie

 

This morning I woke up, did a 2mile walking workout, made breakfast and I turned on a fire place/christmas music video (YouTube suggested), its very pleasant, I will keep it on until I have my meeting with my boss this morning.

 

Edited to add- here is the video if anyone is in the mood.

[SunnyBeBe]

I'm glad that I have gotten part I of the shingles vaccine.  At least I now have some protection.  I'll get part II, as soon as it's appropriate.  My arm was super sore.  I've never felt anything like it. It's still sore.  And, I was rather tired and sleepy the next day, but, that's something I could deal with. 

When you are surviving in a domestic violence situation, there are many facets of life that you likely need support.  That's why there are agencies or departments that provide information, referrals, intervention, etc.  These people are trained in ways to support people who are in that situation.  They focus on the social, psychological, financial and legal, aspects that often affect someone.  They often have resources to have find jobs, housing, financial aid, etc.  Even with covid, these places stay open because they are considered essential. The goal is to help the victim take back the power and be in control of their life. By providing them tools, they are vital in this process.  

[doodlebug]

12 hours ago, beckie said:

He's already being an asshole. According to him, I was the one who assaulted my husband,  not the other way around,  and he's also telling people that I have charges against me, but my hubby is taking them for me.

But, who would believe that?  If you're charged with a crime, nobody gets to 'take' it for you.  It's not like the Civil War when draftees could pay someone to go into the army in their place.  How would anyone think that you got charged but your husband went to jail in your place?  It makes no sense.

[beckie]

3 hours ago, doodlebug said:

But, who would believe that?  If you're charged with a crime, nobody gets to 'take' it for you.  It's not like the Civil War when draftees could pay someone to go into the army in their place.  How would anyone think that you got charged but your husband went to jail in your place?  It makes no sense.

I have no idea. I know nothing about getting arrested or having charges or whatever.  I even asked my husband about it and he said there were no charges and he wasn't taking anything but his own. (Apparently it is possible.  I just don't know how it works.) His cousin is just being an ass, and showing his true colors. 

[DangerousMinds]

5 hours ago, beckie said:

There is. But because of the pandemic they weren't taking people unless they were in a really bad situation.  Comparatively,  mine was more mild, and I understand.  I was bullied alot growing up because my youngest brother was disabled,  so I can take it. It just irritates me, mostly because his cousin up until now has been nice to me and he still is, to my face. And then I hear what he's telling others and it pisses me off.

Glad there is one in your area. And if eviction becomes imminent, call them again because that should qualify as a reason to take you in ASAP. 

[Oldernowiser]

Just now, beckie said:

I have no idea. I know nothing about getting arrested or having charges or whatever.  I even asked my husband about it and he said there were no charges and he wasn't taking anything but his own. (Apparently it is possible.  I just don't know how it works.) His cousin is just being an ass, and showing his true colors. 

I find it hard to believe that your husband has been in jail for a month without charges being filed. He may have done a plea deal to avoid a trial, but he had to be charged with something and agree to the terms of his sentence. And no, nobody can do time for someone else. The cousin is full of it.

What are your plans for when your husband is released?

[beckie]

2 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

I find it hard to believe that your husband has been in jail for a month without charges being filed. He may have done a plea deal to avoid a trial, but he had to be charged with something and agree to the terms of his sentence. And no, nobody can do time for someone else. The cousin is full of it.

What are your plans for when your husband is released?

No. He has been charged.  He has two charges against him. I meant there were none against me. Sorry to be unclear about that.

Edited December 17, 2020 by beckie

[rue721]

15 minutes ago, beckie said:

I even asked my husband about it and he said there were no charges and he wasn't taking anything but his own.

He needs to tell his damn cousin that!

[crazycatlady58]

@Becki have you checked in your area to see if anyone has a room for rent? I have a friend who has done that and she prefers that to getting a apartment by herself. 

[beckie]

35 minutes ago, rue721 said:

He needs to tell his damn cousin that!

That's easier said than done.  I've learned that everything they need behind bars, including pen, paper,  phone calls etc., costs money. And they have to budget carefully if they have little money on their books.

 

35 minutes ago, crazycatlady58 said:

@Becki have you checked in your area to see if anyone has a room for rent? I have a friend who has done that and she prefers that to getting a apartment by herself. 

Thanks for the suggestion.  I don't know anybody,  but I'll keep that in mind. 

Edited December 17, 2020 by beckie

[Scarlett45]

I dont know whats up with the advertising algorithm these days but I keep getting ads for engagement rings and wedding dresses (some of which are quite pretty). Is it that time of year?

[Absolom]

It is that time of year.  Many, many engagements occur at Christmas and Valentine's Day so now is prime advertising time.  Plus wedding gowns usually take at least 4 to 6 months to order so it's the last minute to order for June weddings.  

[Scarlett45]

15 minutes ago, Absolom said:

It is that time of year.  Many, many engagements occur at Christmas and Valentine's Day so now is prime advertising time.  Plus wedding gowns usually take at least 4 to 6 months to order so it's the last minute to order for June weddings.  

Thanks. I love weddings and bridal fashion etc but NO WAY is this gal getting married. 

[GeeGolly]

I wonder if the pandemic will have an impact on future weddings. Like, will couples go overboard because they can now (in the future), or will they tone it down realizing a simple wedding can be very meaningful too.

Edited December 17, 2020 by GeeGolly

[SunnyBeBe]

Sadly, in my state, there seem to be plenty of people who didn't let covid change their wedding plans.  They went ahead with it anyway.  The same goes with birthday parties too.    

[Scarlett45]

20 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I wonder if the pandemic will have an impact on future weddings. Like, will couples go overboard because they can now (in the future), or will they tone it down realizing a simple wedding can be very meaningful too.

I do think “event insurance” is going to explode in future years. I think people will still have big weddings but there’s going to be a contingency plan.

[Quof]

1 hour ago, Scarlett45 said:

I love weddings and bridal fashion etc but NO WAY is this gal getting married. 

When asked when she is going to get married, Oprah says "I can buy a new dress and throw a big party for all of my friends anytime I want.  It doesn't have to be a wedding."

[Zella]

I know 5 people who have gotten married this year--2 former classmates, a close friend, a former childhood friend, and a coworker--1 in March, 1 in April, 2 this summer, and 1 in November. None of them I would consider fundie disease deniers, which makes the whole thing even weirder to me. I know more about the details from 2 of the women among the group versus the 2 men since I didn't see any Bridezilla posts from the latter weddings. 

I know at least 2 of the weddings were already scheduled. Both of the couples were engaged last year. One of them had just lost her mother and grandmother suddenly (not virus related), and she had been going to postpone the ceremony, but after her grandmother's death, she seemed to adopt a "fuck it--I'm going to have a happy day" attitude. This was back in April before there were any reported cases in my county. There were only 10 people present and everyone was masked, including bride and groom. They will have a reception whenever the pandemic subsides. I sort of gave her a pass on the whole thing due to extenuating circumstances. 

The other one who was already engaged was a military wedding, and I only ever saw pics of the bride and groom. 

For the remaining 3, one of them is a couple who have been together for over 10 years and already have 3 kids together, and after the first COVID case here in Arkansas in March, she freaked out and finally said she would marry him but only if it happened that weekend. 🙄

The other one is a guy I actually used to date. I last saw him last year and thought he was acting really squirrelly then, so I figured he was seeing someone else who had him on a tight leash. 😂 He and the bride got engaged this spring and had a summer wedding. I never saw anyone in those pictures--which I studied with the scrutiny of a WWII codebreaker.

The last one is the one that made me the maddest--and is the only one I was invited to. And she's also the person among this group I am the closest to. She got engaged in the fall, told me she wasn't going to have a wedding for a long time because she wasn't sure about marrying him, AND THEN SHE TURNED RIGHT AROUND AND MARRIED HIM IN NOVEMBER. I turned down her invitation, and I am glad I did. Seems like it was a small ceremony but not a mask to be found in any picture I saw! I was appalled. And I'm still confused about the lead-up to that. 

[Quof]

My pseudo-niece was supposed to get married Labour Day, they rescheduled to May, 2021. They recently decided to call off the marriage altogether.  So, as heartbroken as she is now, it's good Covid gave them the opportunity to reflect.

[Scarlett45]

37 minutes ago, Quof said:

My pseudo-niece was supposed to get married Labour Day, they rescheduled to May, 2021. They recently decided to call off the marriage altogether.  So, as heartbroken as she is now, it's good Covid gave them the opportunity to reflect.

I am sorry. Calling off an engagement is BRUTAL, but it's so much easier than getting a divorce.

 

 

[emma675]

My cousin and his fiance were supposed to get married outside of NYC this past summer and they finally moved it, less than a month before it was supposed to happen. I don't know why he took so long to move it, the venue was closed and none of our family was going to fly in during a pandemic. They sent out a new save the date and it jokingly said "the date, location, and time have all changed, but it's still the same bride and groom!", lol. 

[Quof]

17 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Calling off an engagement is BRUTAL, but it's so much easier than getting a divorce.

When I made that decision myself years ago, I concluded I saved myself a lot on lawyer's fees, by not having to pay for a divorce.  Or my defence at a murder trial.

[sixlets]

If your looking to read an article that will make your blood boil, I have the one for you!

This one actually left me speechless, which is hard to do.

[Oldernowiser]

10 minutes ago, sixlets said:

If your looking to read an article that will make your blood boil, I have the one for you!

This one actually left me speechless, which is hard to do.

😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

First off, I hope that photographer sues them for her medical expenses, lost wages and mental distress.

Second, may this marriage end in a five-lawyer-pileup of an ugly, endless, expensive divorce.

[GeeGolly]

35 minutes ago, sixlets said:

If your looking to read an article that will make your blood boil, I have the one for you!

This one actually left me speechless, which is hard to do.

If anyone died from attending that wedding the bride and groom should be charged.

[Olliesmom]

On 12/13/2020 at 2:27 PM, Scarlett45 said:

I put up Christmas lights for Godmother this morning. She was having pain, so I took her dog for a walk. (Bile duct cancer). Here he is. Great Pyrenees Lab Mix

He’s SO CUTE!!

[Olliesmom]

On 12/15/2020 at 11:27 AM, Absolom said:

It looks like a streaming service which is in addition to the regular channels.  Some people only watch by streaming services now.  This would be a place where those people could get a Duggar fix.  It doesn't mean that they are currently planning to stop having regular channels.

Oh that’s good.  I have cable tv and don’t stream. When it comes to technology I’m not up to speed lol.

[Scarlett45]

17 minutes ago, Olliesmom said:

He’s SO CUTE!!

He’s a precious boy! It’s been hard for him with his momma being sick. He’s 8yrs old now. I knew something was wrong with my godmother when she asked me to keep a spot for him in Sept 2019, things aren’t looking good with her cancer. But I’m glad she has the mental energy to enjoy Christmas even if her body is weak. 

[Jenniferbug]

7 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

He’s a precious boy! It’s been hard for him with his momma being sick. He’s 8yrs old now. I knew something was wrong with my godmother when she asked me to keep a spot for him in Sept 2019, things aren’t looking good with her cancer. But I’m glad she has the mental energy to enjoy Christmas even if her body is weak. 

I'm glad they both have you to depend on! He looks like a sweet doggo. I'm happy to see your godmother is feeling decently enough to enjoy Christmas! I think we all need happy holidays this year, and she definitely deserves a good one! 

[DangerousMinds]

1 hour ago, sixlets said:

If your looking to read an article that will make your blood boil, I have the one for you!

This one actually left me speechless, which is hard to do.

Yes, I was just about to share this one! Unfuckingbelievable! 😡

[Absolom]

27 minutes ago, Olliesmom said:

Oh that’s good.  I have cable tv and don’t stream. When it comes to technology I’m not up to speed lol.

When my third or fourth cable box in three years died, my kids talked me into Youtube TV.  I admit SIL walked me through what to buy and how to install it before I did the 14 day trial (before I turned in both cable boxes).  It is saving me over $100 a month and so far I'm getting all the shows I used to watch.  I admit since I'm watching streaming I added Brit Box and Acorn TV for small extra charges a month.  I've really enjoyed having them the last half of the pandemic.  It turned out to not be hard although it seems a little intimidating at first.  It helps to remind yourself it's only one step at a time.  Now I can watch my shows wherever I am on the TVs, laptop, tablet, or even my phone.  That's been nice a few times when I've been stuck somewhere.