Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[kokapetl]

On 16/12/2018 at 5:13 AM, galaxychaser said:

I live in nyc. It’s a rainy weekend.

I don’t have any pets. 

How about ... short solo trip to somewhere exciting (Tokyo). Download those airfare and hotel booking apps and see what’s in your budget.

[galaxychaser]

I got a year membership to a gym from the Wendy show! The show is on right now.  I’m thrilled seriously. I have never been to a gym. 

 

https://www.wendyshow.com/giveaways/

[BitterApple]

49 minutes ago, galaxychaser said:

I got a year membership to a gym from the Wendy show! The show is on right now.  I’m thrilled seriously. I have never been to a gym. 

 

https://www.wendyshow.com/giveaways/

That's awesome! 

[galaxychaser]

4 hours ago, kokapetl said:

How about ... short solo trip to somewhere exciting (Tokyo). Download those airfare and hotel booking apps and see what’s in your budget.

No $ sadly. 

[lookeyloo]

4 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

I got a year membership to a gym from the Wendy show! The show is on right now.  I’m thrilled seriously. I have never been to a gym. 

 

https://www.wendyshow.com/giveaways/

Well great!! Movement is good for the spirit, plus an opportunity to meet a friend or two.  When we moved here my first friends/acquaintances came from the classes at the local Y.

[crazycatlady58]

7 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

I got a year membership to a gym from the Wendy show! The show is on right now.  I’m thrilled seriously. I have never been to a gym. 

 

https://www.wendyshow.com/giveaways/

Congratulations!! Hope you have a great time and you meet lots of people.

[Mindthinkr]

Congratulations @galaxychaser. I tried to get your attention on the Wendy Williams thread. We were all hoping that you would share some observations and answer some of our questions. 

I hope you enjoy the gym and meet some new potential friends there. 

[Love2dance]

10 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

I got a year membership to a gym from the Wendy show! The show is on right now.  I’m thrilled seriously. I have never been to a gym. 

 

https://www.wendyshow.com/giveaways/

 My gym is my refuge and happy place. I hope it will be the same for you. If you go at the same time every visit, you will start to see familiar faces and it is so easy to start conversations......”how was your weekend,” “ I like your workout outfit,” etc, etc. I’m really so happy for you. I LOVE my gym.

[kokapetl]

11 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

No $ sadly. 

I guess that was a bit of a fantasy. 

My realistic advice is to seek help & advice from mental health or social services. They will know what resources are accessible/available in your area. 

NYC Well

1-888-NYC-WELL

Text “WELL” to 65173

Edited December 20, 2018 by kokapetl

[ChiCricket]

my 20 year olds tep-grandson already has 3 kids (by two different moms...don't get me started)🤤

Oops.should I send this? Ahhh.... wtheck, my DIL won't see it! 🙃

Using my own post to update that the mom of his third child came to our family Christmas party today....he really, really UPGRADED!  The first one was horrible..this new one is so nice.

(which means he'll dump her and go back to the other one, I'm sure)😂

Edited December 24, 2018 by ChiCricket

[Christina87]

14 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

I got a year membership to a gym from the Wendy show! The show is on right now.  I’m thrilled seriously. I have never been to a gym. 

 

https://www.wendyshow.com/giveaways/

I'm sooooo excited for you!!! I think this is a sign of big things to come. When things have not been going well and then something unusual falls out of the sky, I always choose to believe it's God (or the universe, depending on what you believe) sending me a sign that things are about to change in my life. I absolutely think it will be the perfect thing for you...exercise makes you feel great, and people are usually super friendly at gyms! You won't be the only one there who is looking to make a friend or two. I think the gym in itself is a positive thing, annnnnd I think this is a sign that things are about to really happen for you!

[Temperance]

@galaxychaser Congratulations on the gym! That is so great. I recommend taking classes if you want to meet people at the gym; classes can be more social ime. But just exercising can really help you feel better and healthier and stronger. Hope more things align for you! 

Edited December 20, 2018 by Temperance
adding a word I thought was there

[Happyfatchick]

It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn't heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore's stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore. "Hello Eeyore," said Pooh. "Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet," said Eeyore, in a Glum Sounding Voice. "We just thought we'd check in on you," said Piglet, "because we hadn't heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay." Eeyore was silent for a moment. "Am I okay?" he asked, eventually. "Well, I don't know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That's what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. Which is why I haven't bothered you. Because you wouldn't want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now." Pooh looked and Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.

Eeyore looked at them in surprise. "What are you doing?" "We're sitting here with you," said Pooh, "because we are your friends. And true friends don't care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are." "Oh," said Eeyore. "Oh." And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.

Because Pooh and Piglet were There. No more; no less. ▪️The holidays can be really tough for some people. Just a little reminder from Pooh and Piglet on how to love a friend who is going through a hard time.▪️Thx @thedailyst 
#repost @shanelli

• • • • • • • •

and there you go: Pooh has the answers.  I saw upstream where @galaxychaser was going to see Wendy.  Good!!!  It’s too bad there’s not a known network for lonely people.  I mean, I know there’s SM.  I take a little pill every day that helps me fight depression, and yet sometimes this time of year just gets me.  When it does smack me, I turn into a complete turtle.  I don’t want to do ANYthing.  Leave the house, make small talk, be productive, do business, work.  

It’s odd, to me anyway, that I know depression - know the debilitation - and yet, if I run across someone fighting it, my response is NEVER to sit down and shut up.  I’m the moron with my hands under their armpits saying “GET UP!!  Let’s GO!!! DOOOOOOOO SOMETHING!!”  I quit a job once soley because I had to work in the office with a depressed person every day. I was so young - no idea there was such a thing as “depression”.  I wanted to bang my head on my desk - it was like walking into hell every day, that job.  I wonder if I could handle that differently now?  God, I hope so!!

my youngest son has toddlers now.  One of them is extremely intelligent and funny as a BOSS.  I ADORE her!!!  This morning, she came running into the kitchen and told her mom “Steven threw your armpit at me!!!”  (Steven is a cousin her same age).  The DIL ponders, tries to decode the message, works to untangle what GD means.  Finally with no clue, she says “I’m sorry he did that.  Go tell him you didn’t like it and he needs to say sorry”.   🤷‍♀️

About then, the offending cousin walks into the kitchen holding the cap to DIL’s deodorant.  Her armpit.  HAHAHA!!

[Love2dance]

@Happyfatchick, I love you!

[galaxychaser]

18 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

Congratulations @galaxychaser. I tried to get your attention on the Wendy Williams thread. We were all hoping that you would share some observations and answer some of our questions. 

I hope you enjoy the gym and meet some new potential friends there. 

I wrote on the Wendy show thread.

 

i had a really bad seat and couldn’t see much.

19 minutes ago, Love2dance said:

@Happyfatchick, I love you!

Ditto. 

[galaxychaser]

I went to the movies last night. Saw spider man and widows. Both were very good. Usually I’m not impressed by movies. This time I really enjoyed myself.

[Marshmallow Mollie]

Taking my response to @Albanyguy and @Nysha over here from Sweet Fellowship regarding Jill Rod and family. I was listening to a podcast yesterday about th Hart Tribe, the family of two white women who adopted six black children, abused them, likely got a pass because they were white women “saving” the children, and in the end drove them all off of cliff in Oregon, killing the entire family. The latest podcast episode talks about how masterful one of the mothers was at social media. Her ability to have the right caption with the right staged photo belied what was really happening. In retrospect, there is a photo of the kids painting, but there’s no paint on the paintbrush. It’s a completely staged photo. Much like Jill R’s staged photos. Broken Harts podcast - check it out!

[Nysha]

I need some advice. 

I'm going to my mom & stepdad's for Christmas for the first time in about 15 years. My sister, her wife, and 2 of her grandchildren will be there. Although we haven't exchanged gifts in a long time, both my mom and sister posted on Facebook about gifts, so I will probably have one or two under the tree.

The problem is, I'm completely broke and cannot afford to buy anything. I've saved money for gas and a few groceries while I'm there, but I haven't even gotten my kids or grandkids any Christmas gifts because the money just isn't there. Should I tell my folks now that having me come for Christmas is their gift? I feel like such a loser, but in the last month I've had my car breakdown, my wages garnished for an old medical bill, and I now have to pay for my prescriptions instead of getting them free at the clinic because I've got health insurance. I've have a budget I'm sticking to, so I know that this is just a temporary thing, but I feel weird getting gifts, knowing that I haven't reciprocated.

[latetotheparty]

8 minutes ago, Nysha said:

I need some advice. 

I'm going to my mom & stepdad's for Christmas for the first time in about 15 years. My sister, her wife, and 2 of her grandchildren will be there. Although we haven't exchanged gifts in a long time, both my mom and sister posted on Facebook about gifts, so I will probably have one or two under the tree.

The problem is, I'm completely broke and cannot afford to buy anything. I've saved money for gas and a few groceries while I'm there, but I haven't even gotten my kids or grandkids any Christmas gifts because the money just isn't there. Should I tell my folks now that having me come for Christmas is their gift? I feel like such a loser, but in the last month I've had my car breakdown, my wages garnished for an old medical bill, and I now have to pay for my prescriptions instead of getting them free at the clinic because I've got health insurance. I've have a budget I'm sticking to, so I know that this is just a temporary thing, but I feel weird getting gifts, knowing that I haven't reciprocated.

Go!  With everything your family has been through this year your presence will be a blessing. 

[doodlebug]

25 minutes ago, Nysha said:

I need some advice. 

I'm going to my mom & stepdad's for Christmas for the first time in about 15 years. My sister, her wife, and 2 of her grandchildren will be there. Although we haven't exchanged gifts in a long time, both my mom and sister posted on Facebook about gifts, so I will probably have one or two under the tree.

The problem is, I'm completely broke and cannot afford to buy anything. I've saved money for gas and a few groceries while I'm there, but I haven't even gotten my kids or grandkids any Christmas gifts because the money just isn't there. Should I tell my folks now that having me come for Christmas is their gift? I feel like such a loser, but in the last month I've had my car breakdown, my wages garnished for an old medical bill, and I now have to pay for my prescriptions instead of getting them free at the clinic because I've got health insurance. I've have a budget I'm sticking to, so I know that this is just a temporary thing, but I feel weird getting gifts, knowing that I haven't reciprocated.

Give your parents the gift of yourself.  Get a nice Christmas card, sit down and write about some memories of them from your childhood that are special to you, things you did at Christmas with them that you'll never forget, family traditions you've handed down to your own family. Pull out some old family Christmas photos, bring them with you and spend some time reminiscing.

Organize and spend an afternoon playing cards or Monopoly or Scrabble with the family, offer to cook a meal or clean up after one. 

Organize that after dinner walk on Christmas Day that we all need and never do.

Help your parents clean out a closet, haul the trash to the curb, do their laundry or ironing.

Spending time together is so much more important than things.

Edited December 20, 2018 by doodlebug

[galaxychaser]

Nysha just bring yourself. No one will be upset that there are no gifts. Maybe bake something or bring flowers? Honestly you coming is a gift in itself.

[ChiCricket]

39 minutes ago, Nysha said:

Should I tell my folks now that having me come for Christmas is their gift?

 I think you could tell them ahead of time. I know I always agonize about "what people will think" and it always turns out to be a big nothing burger.

And if anyone does complain,  it says way more about them than it does about you.

Good for you for sticking to a budget.❤

[doodlebug]

10 minutes ago, ChiCricket said:

 I think you could tell them ahead of time. I know I always agonize about "what people will think" and it always turns out to be a big nothing burger.

And if anyone does complain,  it says way more about them than it does about you.

Good for you for sticking to a budget.❤

I come from a family where I am on a different economic plane than my siblings and nieces and nephews.  When my parents were alive, they never had much, either.  As one of the lucky 'haves' in my family, let me just say that I would be absolutely devastated if someone in my family skipped our Christmas festivities simply because they couldn't afford to buy gifts.  I am lucky, I admit it, and one of my greatest pleasures is being able to give gifts to my family of stuff they couldn't otherwise afford and I DO NOT CARE, EVEN A LITTLE BIT, if they give me something in return, let alone what it costs.

My brother is bipolar, he hasn't given me a Christmas gift ever that I can recall. He is disabled and he doesn't have any money and he just isn't wired to think about others.  He has already gotten his gift from me, a new recliner for his living room.  He's also getting some jeans and some foodstuffs and will be spending 3 days with me eating me out of house and home.  We're family and I've got the means to do for him so I do.  If things were different, I know he'd do for me.  We're family.

My youngest sister was laid off this fall.  She had had her house insulated just before that.  I am taking care of it for her Christmas as well as giving her some new clothes she needs for job interviews, etc.  I don't know what she will get me, nothing would be fine, though she probably already got me something small because she shops for Christmas all year long.

My nephew who works construction which isn't steady; he needs a new winter coat, it's under the tree.  He is an amazingly talented artist and loves the outdoors.  He will probably give me something he carved from a piece of wood he picked up on a hike.  Far better than a winter coat, IMO and I will proudly display it with his other works he's given me.

Never, ever think that your family doesn't want YOU, YOUR PRESENCE is so much more important than PRESENTS.

[ChiCricket]

   Love being able to shop online while sitting on my big old fat wrinkled butt.

I hate being held hostage waiting for packages because of porch pirates.

But I'm grateful to have any money to spend.

[Marshmallow Mollie]

@Nysha I feel you! I feel you so hard. Some years I haven’t had two nickels to rub together, but some things I have done other years:

wrap up batteries with a note “gift not included.” For those that will get the joke, it works great! People think it’s clever and useful and don’t hone on that you got them four AA batteries.

Buy and wrap fancy cookies, like Milanos.

Brownies stacked in a treat bag from the dollar store.

This year I bought tins from the dollar store, and I am filling them with homemade Chex mix and muddy buddies (puppy chow). Sweet and salty. Some people will only get the puppy chow because I only have the funds for one round of Chex mix.

I totally get not wanting to go empty handed and also not having a choice but to go empty handed. I don’t think anyone has ever judged me for my small gifts or my lack of gifts. It’s no secret we are doing the best with what we’ve got. To that end, I also make sure I hold my head up high and not apologize for not giving more. That makes things awkward. 

[Nysha]

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I have ingredients to bake treats, so I think I will do that. I'll also make sugar cookies and bring icing and food coloring for the kids to decorate cookies for Santa. 

[jcbrown]

I saw a couple today at the grocery who made me think of the Duggars. I noticed them when I walked in . He was wearing a brimmed hat and she was wearing a floor-length skirt and a shapeless sweatshirt with long hair tied up. Saw them a second time in the dairy aisle. She was kind of standing nervously (to me) while he stood still and took eggs out of a carton one. at. a time. and inspected each one from every angle before putting it back into the carton. He was blocking the aisle for the entirety of his inspection. Really weird energy and it made me think of the Duggars. Something about this couple just read OFF and I suspect the Duggs do, as well.

[Mindthinkr]

4 hours ago, Nysha said:

I need some advice. 

I'm going to my mom & stepdad's for Christmas for the first time in about 15 years. My sister, her wife, and 2 of her grandchildren will be there. Although we haven't exchanged gifts in a long time, both my mom and sister posted on Facebook about gifts, so I will probably have one or two under the tree.

The problem is, I'm completely broke and cannot afford to buy anything. I've saved money for gas and a few groceries while I'm there, but I haven't even gotten my kids or grandkids any Christmas gifts because the money just isn't there. Should I tell my folks now that having me come for Christmas is their gift? I feel like such a loser, but in the last month I've had my car breakdown, my wages garnished for an old medical bill, and I now have to pay for my prescriptions instead of getting them free at the clinic because I've got health insurance. I've have a budget I'm sticking to, so I know that this is just a temporary thing, but I feel weird getting gifts, knowing that I haven't reciprocated.

When broke I have given: poems,  a pinecone sort of decorated (depending on if I have glue, glitter, paint) and given as a Christmas tree ornament, I’ve glued shells on frames from the dollar store (or twigs, tiny pine cones, pretty rocks), painted animals on rocks (I am not artistic..these were feeble attempts), a homemade tic tac toe game, and Snowflakes cut up from a white piece of paper. Mostly I give them my love. A big hug and tell them how much they mean to me. I express to them how being with them is the best present (although I do appreciate anything they give me). 

You are a valuable jewel in their crown. 

[latetotheparty]

1 hour ago, Nysha said:

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I have ingredients to bake treats, so I think I will do that. I'll also make sugar cookies and bring icing and food coloring for the kids to decorate cookies for Santa. 

Perfect!  The kids will love it. Hell, I would love it. The rolling and cutting out is tedious but icing and sprinkles are awesome. 

[doodlebug]

1 hour ago, latetotheparty said:

Perfect!  The kids will love it. Hell, I would love it. The rolling and cutting out is tedious but icing and sprinkles are awesome. 

And the parents will thank you for keeping the kids distracted for a while.  That's a gift for the whole family.

[Barb23]

I ended up in the hospital last Christmas and missed out on all our family gatherings. Knowing I couldn't be with everyone plus feeling like crap was hard.  It was nice celebrating and opening gifts when I got home  but it wasn't the same. I will never take my family for granted again & I'm planning on having a double great Christmas this year. 

[Christina87]

Y'all...crazy week here. So remember my ex that I broke up with a year or so ago because he didn't want marriage and children? Welllllll, suddenly he said he wanted it, only to take it back. He invited me out to dinner Monday night and spoke excitedly the whole time about how he has changed his mind, and wants to marry me and have kids. He had envisioned it in great detail! I was stunned, but excited. We have remained friends (though obviously not at the close level we were when we were together), so it wasn't like I ever lost touch with him or anything; it would be weird and creepy to just suddenly hear this from someone you hadn't seen in that long. We have generally had a good, positive relationship since then, so it does make sense that he could have wanted more, and decided that marriage wasn't so scary after all with a good person. I just thought he had finally seen the light, as he was basically saying things that made sense. Then, tonight he is back to being 100% against marriage and kids. He only really is against it for stereotypical reasons, and his big one tonight was that I would change the second the certificate is signed. That just really offended me, for he has known me for years, and obviously doesn't have a clue about my character. I tried explaining to him that the only people who do that are manipulative women who pretend to be nice to reel a man in, and then act like themselves the second they're married. Normal people don't "change" that much in an instant. I just drove back from his house in the middle of the night because I had planned to stay in the guest room, but I'm just too upset.

How exactly can someone do a 180 THAT quickly?! He knew that I had started dating, so maybe he got jealous, but he's not at ALL an impulsive person. He's the definition of a planner, and never announces or even hints at anything until he's ready to follow through with it. I think back to that idiot I met online who suddenly blocked me, and feel like the fool who falls for any old lie, but this is so different. That time, the guy really was just a grade A level player who tricked me, but I was upset for about a day because I was stunned at being tricked, but felt fine in a day. This time, I believed someone who I've known for three years who has a history of following through. This is messing with my head soooo much! I also feel rejected on a whole other level...I hate all the "I'm not good enough for marriage and never will be" types of thoughts this kind of thing brings up. It sucks when other people have the power to mess with your head so much. And I do think it's worse because my employment situation is so uncertain right now, that it would have been the perfect time to settle down with this super responsible guy who owns his house and is very stable. Aghhhhhh what is wrong with some people?! People you really know can hurt you so much more than random jerks ever could!

[lookeyloo]

5 hours ago, Christina87 said:

Y'all...crazy week here. So remember my ex that I broke up with a year or so ago because he didn't want marriage and children? Welllllll, suddenly he said he wanted it, only to take it back. He invited me out to dinner Monday night and spoke excitedly the whole time about how he has changed his mind, and wants to marry me and have kids. He had envisioned it in great detail! I was stunned, but excited. We have remained friends (though obviously not at the close level we were when we were together), so it wasn't like I ever lost touch with him or anything; it would be weird and creepy to just suddenly hear this from someone you hadn't seen in that long. We have generally had a good, positive relationship since then, so it does make sense that he could have wanted more, and decided that marriage wasn't so scary after all with a good person. I just thought he had finally seen the light, as he was basically saying things that made sense. Then, tonight he is back to being 100% against marriage and kids. He only really is against it for stereotypical reasons, and his big one tonight was that I would change the second the certificate is signed. That just really offended me, for he has known me for years, and obviously doesn't have a clue about my character. I tried explaining to him that the only people who do that are manipulative women who pretend to be nice to reel a man in, and then act like themselves the second they're married. Normal people don't "change" that much in an instant. I just drove back from his house in the middle of the night because I had planned to stay in the guest room, but I'm just too upset.

How exactly can someone do a 180 THAT quickly?! He knew that I had started dating, so maybe he got jealous, but he's not at ALL an impulsive person. He's the definition of a planner, and never announces or even hints at anything until he's ready to follow through with it. I think back to that idiot I met online who suddenly blocked me, and feel like the fool who falls for any old lie, but this is so different. That time, the guy really was just a grade A level player who tricked me, but I was upset for about a day because I was stunned at being tricked, but felt fine in a day. This time, I believed someone who I've known for three years who has a history of following through. This is messing with my head soooo much! I also feel rejected on a whole other level...I hate all the "I'm not good enough for marriage and never will be" types of thoughts this kind of thing brings up. It sucks when other people have the power to mess with your head so much. And I do think it's worse because my employment situation is so uncertain right now, that it would have been the perfect time to settle down with this super responsible guy who owns his house and is very stable. Aghhhhhh what is wrong with some people?! People you really know can hurt you so much more than random jerks ever could!

Sorry to hear. Maybe he wanted a booty call and thought that was the best way to get it. Sounds like he is not a keeper.  And you won’t fall for this ploy again!  And take your power back!  

[emma675]

Christina87, time to cut this guy out of your life. A good guy doesn't play around with your feelings like that, especially when he knows how important marriage and kids are to you. 

[Marshmallow Mollie]

7 hours ago, Christina87 said:

Y'all...crazy week here. So remember my ex that I broke up with a year or so ago because he didn't want marriage and children? Welllllll, suddenly he said he wanted it, only to take it back. He invited me out to dinner Monday night and spoke excitedly the whole time about how he has changed his mind, and wants to marry me and have kids. He had envisioned it in great detail! I was stunned, but excited. We have remained friends (though obviously not at the close level we were when we were together), so it wasn't like I ever lost touch with him or anything; it would be weird and creepy to just suddenly hear this from someone you hadn't seen in that long. We have generally had a good, positive relationship since then, so it does make sense that he could have wanted more, and decided that marriage wasn't so scary after all with a good person. I just thought he had finally seen the light, as he was basically saying things that made sense. Then, tonight he is back to being 100% against marriage and kids. He only really is against it for stereotypical reasons, and his big one tonight was that I would change the second the certificate is signed. That just really offended me, for he has known me for years, and obviously doesn't have a clue about my character. I tried explaining to him that the only people who do that are manipulative women who pretend to be nice to reel a man in, and then act like themselves the second they're married. Normal people don't "change" that much in an instant. I just drove back from his house in the middle of the night because I had planned to stay in the guest room, but I'm just too upset.

How exactly can someone do a 180 THAT quickly?! He knew that I had started dating, so maybe he got jealous, but he's not at ALL an impulsive person. He's the definition of a planner, and never announces or even hints at anything until he's ready to follow through with it. I think back to that idiot I met online who suddenly blocked me, and feel like the fool who falls for any old lie, but this is so different. That time, the guy really was just a grade A level player who tricked me, but I was upset for about a day because I was stunned at being tricked, but felt fine in a day. This time, I believed someone who I've known for three years who has a history of following through. This is messing with my head soooo much! I also feel rejected on a whole other level...I hate all the "I'm not good enough for marriage and never will be" types of thoughts this kind of thing brings up. It sucks when other people have the power to mess with your head so much. And I do think it's worse because my employment situation is so uncertain right now, that it would have been the perfect time to settle down with this super responsible guy who owns his house and is very stable. Aghhhhhh what is wrong with some people?! People you really know can hurt you so much more than random jerks ever could!

Don’t take this on - it is not about you. There’s nothing wrong with you, or unloveable, or not marriage material, or someone who is conniving to trap him in marriage. This is his deal, his baggage, his whatever it is that he needs to work through. Not your circus not your monkeys. 

[Ijustwantsomechips]

16 hours ago, Nysha said:

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I have ingredients to bake treats, so I think I will do that. I'll also make sugar cookies and bring icing and food coloring for the kids to decorate cookies for Santa. 

There’s been years when I was finishing up my doctorate that I couldn’t buy gifts for everyone.  So I cooked instead.  I made homemade gingerbread and tea cakes, amd cooked a lot of the Christmas dinner.  It was much appreciated, and I think not having gifts bothered me more than my nieces and nephews.  

Like @doodlebug there have been other years when I’ve bought all the gifts for my sister’s kids, plus much needed clothes for her, and ordered holiday dinner for them.  You do what you can with what you have when you can.  And when you don’t have it, you don’t have it.

Go spend time with your family and enjoy them.  There will be other holidays to get together and share gifts if you want to pay it forward.  Maybe later when things are better you can host Easter or a Memorial Day bbq. Or send  small but thoughtful Valentine’s gifts.  Us single ladies love that!

[allonsyalice]

27 minutes ago, Marshmallow Mollie said:

Don’t take this on - it is not about you. There’s nothing wrong with you, or unloveable, or not marriage material, or someone who is conniving to trap him in marriage. This is his deal, his baggage, his whatever it is that he needs to work through. Not your circus not your monkeys. 

"Not your circus not your monkeys." is possibly the best phrase i have ever heard thank you so much. 

[Christina87]

26 minutes ago, allonsyalice said:

"Not your circus not your monkeys." is possibly the best phrase i have ever heard thank you so much. 

Hahahaha I love it too!!! Perfectly describes this situation. I feel better now that I have woken up. It's truly not about me...he's clearly going through some issues. Even his mom is totally on my side about the whole thing. What is wrong with people?! (Slowly backing out of the social scene and ready to be a hermit filled with Christmas spirit)

[zoomama]

addressing the issue of no money for gifts:  one year, just after i had filed for divorce from my abusive first husband, i was broke. he gave me nothing, i had 4 kids and had not found a job by that time (it had been only about 6 weeks since we broke up). so i took my kids to our family christmas empty-handed because i had nothing, literally, to take. i felt mortified to do this but it would be the only christmas my kids would get that year. my family was awesome! kids and i were gifted, and i received a check from my grandmother that bought  2 weeks worth of groceries for us! i cried literal tears right there in the living room in front of all of them. i am certain that i am the only one that remembers that christmas out of my whole family - yet i can picture the details. i think it was so reassuring to me that my family loved us for ourselves, not for what we could bring to gift them with.

[dariafan]

On 12/15/2018 at 2:25 PM, galaxychaser said:

General lack of family and friends. And my birthday is after Christmas. I will be alone at home . 

This time used to be my favorite time of the year. Now not so much. 

I just want to give you a great big hug 

[galaxychaser]

4 hours ago, emma675 said:

Christina87, time to cut this guy out of your life. A good guy doesn't play around with your feelings like that, especially when he knows how important marriage and kids are to you. 

Yes it sucks to cut ties with him but it’s for the best. Sounds like he is willing to compromise to have a kid, but then changed his mind.

[Nysha]

19 hours ago, Christina87 said:

How exactly can someone do a 180 THAT quickly?! He knew that I had started dating, so maybe he got jealous, but he's not at ALL an impulsive person. He's the definition of a planner, and never announces or even hints at anything until he's ready to follow through with it. I think back to that idiot I met online who suddenly blocked me, and feel like the fool who falls for any old lie, but this is so different. That time, the guy really was just a grade A level player who tricked me, but I was upset for about a day because I was stunned at being tricked, but felt fine in a day. This time, I believed someone who I've known for three years who has a history of following through. 

This is not on you. The man is being manipulative and emotionally abusive. He doesn't want you to move on, but he doesn't want to commit to you, so he tried to make it about you. It's time to cut all ties and thank the Powers that Be that he showed you who he really was instead of marrying you.  You could have ended up with a lifetime of passive-aggressive emotional abuse where any time you called him out he would complain that "ever since we've married you changed and turned into a {whatever}". 

[kokapetl]

19 hours ago, Christina87 said:

Y'all...crazy week here. So remember my ex that I broke up with a year or so ago because he didn't want marriage and children? Welllllll, suddenly he said he wanted it, only to take it back. He invited me out to dinner Monday night and spoke excitedly the whole time about how he has changed his mind, and wants to marry me and have kids. He had envisioned it in great detail! I was stunned, but excited. We have remained friends (though obviously not at the close level we were when we were together), so it wasn't like I ever lost touch with him or anything; it would be weird and creepy to just suddenly hear this from someone you hadn't seen in that long. We have generally had a good, positive relationship since then, so it does make sense that he could have wanted more, and decided that marriage wasn't so scary after all with a good person. I just thought he had finally seen the light, as he was basically saying things that made sense. Then, tonight he is back to being 100% against marriage and kids. He only really is against it for stereotypical reasons, and his big one tonight was that I would change the second the certificate is signed. That just really offended me, for he has known me for years, and obviously doesn't have a clue about my character. I tried explaining to him that the only people who do that are manipulative women who pretend to be nice to reel a man in, and then act like themselves the second they're married. Normal people don't "change" that much in an instant. I just drove back from his house in the middle of the night because I had planned to stay in the guest room, but I'm just too upset.

How exactly can someone do a 180 THAT quickly?! He knew that I had started dating, so maybe he got jealous, but he's not at ALL an impulsive person. He's the definition of a planner, and never announces or even hints at anything until he's ready to follow through with it. I think back to that idiot I met online who suddenly blocked me, and feel like the fool who falls for any old lie, but this is so different. That time, the guy really was just a grade A level player who tricked me, but I was upset for about a day because I was stunned at being tricked, but felt fine in a day. This time, I believed someone who I've known for three years who has a history of following through. This is messing with my head soooo much! I also feel rejected on a whole other level...I hate all the "I'm not good enough for marriage and never will be" types of thoughts this kind of thing brings up. It sucks when other people have the power to mess with your head so much. And I do think it's worse because my employment situation is so uncertain right now, that it would have been the perfect time to settle down with this super responsible guy who owns his house and is very stable. Aghhhhhh what is wrong with some people?! People you really know can hurt you so much more than random jerks ever could!

Guy has commitment issues, but in fleeting moments sees what he’s forgoing. 

[Christina87]

19 hours ago, Nysha said:

This is not on you. The man is being manipulative and emotionally abusive. He doesn't want you to move on, but he doesn't want to commit to you, so he tried to make it about you. It's time to cut all ties and thank the Powers that Be that he showed you who he really was instead of marrying you.  You could have ended up with a lifetime of passive-aggressive emotional abuse where any time you called him out he would complain that "ever since we've married you changed and turned into a {whatever}". 

OMG YES. It really is insulting that he has known me three years, yet doesn't realize that I'm a kind person with integrity. If he can't say without a doubt that I am always going to be a good person, he must not know me very well! I have been absolutely nothing but kind to him, ever, even when I was mad at him! He sees me be sweet to others on a daily basis, and I'm close to his mom, and he knows most of my friends, who are good people. Plus, I had every opportunity to show my true colors after we broke up. If he REALLY thinks I'm a raging bitch who is just holding it back to get the ring, I'm honestly so insulted that I don't even want to marry him!

19 hours ago, kokapetl said:

Guy has commitment issues, but in fleeting moments sees what he’s forgoing. 

I agree with this!!! He was texting me the morning after our fight, saying there were a lot of positives to getting married. Wtf???!!! Then the next day he started with the "I might want to get married but have reservations" texts. I told him that we need to have a serious talk when I get into town. He needs to understand why this is hurtful behavior so he won't do it to some girl in the future! I think he'll be shocked, because it would never even occur to him that I'm not going to be at his beck and call anymore. 

I really think that he sometimes sees what he's foregoing, but does have some worries still. If he could have sat me down and just talked it out, I would have been understanding. Instead, he pours it on thick, and then makes jokes and deflects when he feels like getting out of it. It is SUCH immature behavior!!!

[Scarlett45]

@Christina87 get rid of him. My first instinct was he desired a bootycall combined with jealousy, now he seems like a manipulative asshole. Never let a man tell you twice he doesn’t want you. You deserve better. 

[Zella]

5 hours ago, Christina87 said:

I told him that we need to have a serious talk when I get into town. He needs to understand why this is hurtful behavior so he won't do it to some girl in the future! I think he'll be shocked, because it would never even occur to him that I'm not going to be at his beck and call anymore. 

 If he could have sat me down and just talked it out, I would have been understanding. 

I might be biased because I'm just coming off an awkward family reunion with tons of guilt trips and emotional manipulation--not directed at me but I got caught in the crossfire--but you don't need to talk to him. He's either an imbecile if he has no clue why what he did is offensive or he did it intentionally. Either way, a talk isn't going to solve his problem.

Personally, I suspect it was intentional. I agree with the speculation that he saw this as the quickest way to make you compliant to bend to his will, and then when he saw there might be complications, he decided to change his tactics. He just keeps adjusting based on what he thinks will make you the least likely to lose your shit on him while still getting what he wants. He's not worth your time either as a husband, boyfriend, or person to lecture/reason with. 

[lookeyloo]

8 hours ago, Christina87 said:

OMG YES. It really is insulting that he has known me three years, yet doesn't realize that I'm a kind person with integrity. If he can't say without a doubt that I am always going to be a good person, he must not know me very well! I have been absolutely nothing but kind to him, ever, even when I was mad at him! He sees me be sweet to others on a daily basis, and I'm close to his mom, and he knows most of my friends, who are good people. Plus, I had every opportunity to show my true colors after we broke up. If he REALLY thinks I'm a raging bitch who is just holding it back to get the ring, I'm honestly so insulted that I don't even want to marry him!

I agree with this!!! He was texting me the morning after our fight, saying there were a lot of positives to getting married. Wtf???!!! Then the next day he started with the "I might want to get married but have reservations" texts. I told him that we need to have a serious talk when I get into town. He needs to understand why this is hurtful behavior so he won't do it to some girl in the future! I think he'll be shocked, because it would never even occur to him that I'm not going to be at his beck and call anymore. 

I really think that he sometimes sees what he's foregoing, but does have some worries still. If he could have sat me down and just talked it out, I would have been understanding. Instead, he pours it on thick, and then makes jokes and deflects when he feels like getting out of it. It is SUCH immature behavior!!!

Please let it be!  This will become a pattern of a lifetime. Your job isn’t to protect any future prospects he has.  Could it be that you still think the relationship can be repaired if you just explained everything to him?  He seems to know how to play you. Not trying to be harsh. Just realistic having been around that block.  Take care of yourself. Leave him and his manipulations to him.  If he really wants to change he will do it without you explaining. Be good to yourself. I suggest blocking him on your devices and in your life. 

[galaxychaser]

Did anyone see aquaman? Did you like it?

i was supposed to see it with a friend on Thursday and Saturday but she canceled both times. I’m pissed. 

Im never again saying to anyone what movie I want to see. I’m going to see myself.

and I want to see Mary poppins (never saw the original) and bumblebee. 

And to sign up for the gym I need a manager. No manager until after Christmas. Aaarrrr.

[Happyfatchick]

Here we are in the midst of Christmas again.  We will apparently party hard with anyone and everyone.  Whoooooeeeeee, I’m about partied OUT!!!  We ❤️ a good party, so it’s fun.  I tried to prepare ahead this year so I could just enjoy - but it never works out that way, does it?  We ended up having our peeps party (my cousins) at breakfast yesterday (the only time available!).  They all left for OH today, and stressed how they had to party fast and get going , as they all had stuff to finish up.  They were here for hours.  (And I was happy).  They left and I immediately went into prep for  my husbands family party.  I adore (most of) these people, and they call their party “The Dysfunctional Family Christmas Party”.  The funny thing is, they certainly are dysfunctional as a family unit, but each one of them is dysfunctional in their own unique way as well.  (You can’t imagine how much I want to give you a kind of summary for each one...).  

My favorite moment of the night: my MIL is not even 5 feet, and could easily keep up with me telling stories.  She is completely aware (and makes great fun of) her quirks.  She’s hilarious, honestly.  Tiny little bird-like woman.  So we played that stupid white elephant game.  The girls worked magic to make sure MIL had #1.  She picked the gift I brought.  (2 ceramic chickens, kind of a paisley design in a hard, lidded Christmas box.  Ooooh, she ❤️❤️❤️ The chickens...  She put it all back in the box, packed the tissue down carefully, picked it up holding it against her (as if to hide it), throwing furtive glances around, toddles back to the back of the house and HIDES it, so no one can choose it away from her.  Soooo cute!!!  When I met her, she was still a little bird, but she was large and in charge - definitely the iron fist.  It’s crazy to see how she’s morphed over the years.  And to think... someone is watching changes in me just the same way.

ETA:  I probably won’t have a chance to come back until closer to next weekend - I have a job waiting the minute Christmas is over.

I love every stinkin’ soul on this forum.  I enjoy you all so much.  Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Edited December 23, 2018 by Happyfatchick

[Christina87]

14 hours ago, Zella said:

I might be biased because I'm just coming off an awkward family reunion with tons of guilt trips and emotional manipulation--not directed at me but I got caught in the crossfire--but you don't need to talk to him. He's either an imbecile if he has no clue why what he did is offensive or he did it intentionally. Either way, a talk isn't going to solve his problem.

Personally, I suspect it was intentional. I agree with the speculation that he saw this as the quickest way to make you compliant to bend to his will, and then when he saw there might be complications, he decided to change his tactics. He just keeps adjusting based on what he thinks will make you the least likely to lose your shit on him while still getting what he wants. He's not worth your time either as a husband, boyfriend, or person to lecture/reason with. 

Omg you are so right!!! He is changing his tactics based on what he thinks will bring him the least chance of an unpleasant altercation. He should have just KEPT HIS MOUTH SHUT in the first place if he wasn't sure! He was so adamant about marriage and family not being in the picture, so I broke up with him, and we hung out occasionally (not sexually though...not even kissing). That was okay, because I clearly knew where he stood, and that it was not going to change. I was totally over it, fine with being civil friends, and had moved on and started dating again. It really pisses me off that he couldn't just let me go off and be happy! I wouldn't have even had an issue with staying on friendly terms with him indefinitely. Obviously we wouldn't have been best friends or anything when I found someone else, but I would have zero problems keeping in touch online, wishing him happy birthday, etc. He has now blown all that with this stupid stunt! I think the relationship could have been salvaged if he had just come to me, with a serious demeanor, and said, "I'm starting to think you may have been right about marriage, and I think it might be for me, but could we talk? I have some concerns I want to talk over, and I don't really like making rash decisions. Could I get your input about how XYZ would go if we got married? What would we do about XYZ?" That would have been the mature way to handle it, and EVEN IF he decided it wasn't for him, I would feel like he took my opinion seriously, and he wouldn't have gotten my hopes up and dashed them like that. I think he's jealous and doesn't know WHAT he wants, so he says one thing to try to keep me around, but then jokes around when he wants to avoid it. I don't think he would even consider it emotional abuse, but it is. He has no idea what it's like to want something this badly. Plus he doesn't have the best social skills anyway, which obviously is a problem. At least now I can focus on meeting new people, and he can fill that time reflecting on how to be a more mature person. He just went about it all wrong, as there are ways he could have tentatively brought it up without getting my hopes up like that. Seems like doesn't want a serious discussion. Seen like he wants to completely call the shots, and just expects me to be an emotionless robot and go along with whatever!