S04.E09: Can't Buy Me Love

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Quote

Nicolle risks all with a sexy night out behind Daonte's back; Jeff's spending spree shocks Anissa, but a secret changes everything; Doug's surprise stuns Rachel; Lisa's big demand sparks tension with Stan; Ray's family grills Britney.

I think we already saw Nicole's "sexy night out".  Why else would Daonte throw a perfectly good giant teddy bear into the trash?  Won't someone think of the bear?  

We all know Jeff isn't over-spending on dental care products.  On what is he spending Anissa's cash?  

Original air date 2021.08.13

[Gobi]

8 hours ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

 

We all know Jeff isn't over-spending on dental care products.  On what is he spending Anissa's cash?  

He has to buy 18 years worth of birthday cards.

[renatae]

Ray's family being so suspicious of Britney cracks me up. They act as if *she's* the con artist after the sugar daddy.

Hey, Lisa and Stan - cool your jets. A car isn't an emergency. Lisa, if and when you make up your scattered mind, then you can decide about asking for a car.

[SemiCharmedLife]

Anissa, call the bank and cancel your credit cards.  Jeff is going to put you in the poor house.  He hasn't even got to the new teeth and Gucci pants yet.

[renatae]

Stan, I have some news for you. She only needs one divorce, because only the first marriage is legal. :facepalm:  You might have a problem figuring out which one that is, because "I'm not sure how these marriages happened" bride-to-be seems to have a few screws loose and rattling around.

 

Native Americana was talking white wedding, but his preamble was gangster outfits? Kristianna looked about as thrilled as I would be.

 

 

[PrincessPurrsALot]

I found a lovely pair of Gucci pants for Jeff.  A steal at $1400.

\

You can see more fetching styles here.  Can you imagine how well Jeff would be received in Anissa's town strutting around in these?

[JenE4]

We really didn’t need to hear the details of Lisa’s ass-play on Stan! Girlfriend is really earning that car! Oh, she also has a secret love and may just be using Stan for his money? You don’t say!

Nicolle doesn’t have just one, but at least two back-up amours. Daonte’s friend continues to be the breakout star of this season, “And I can’t help it that you’re a dumbass!”

Brittany says she has a second job. Is one of them creating custom t-shirts?! But the amount of money Brittany spends on t-shirts themed for every day is nothing compared to Jeff with his drone (that’s now stuck in a tree) and Gucci pants to go with his 3 teeth. 

What a romantic proposal by Doug next to the “Remembering Crime Victims 2004” bench at 8 Mile. Now I feel like I need to actually listen to the words of the Eminem song to know what happened there in 2004. I think it was just a bad area with a lot of drugs and perhaps Eminem donated money for a community beautification project to turn it into a park? I’m just guessing but now I’m curious. Any whoo… real romantic. “I’d rather be with Rachel and angry than alone and angry.” Run, Rachel, run!

[Jeanne222]

2 hours ago, renatae said:

Stan, I have some news for you. She only needs one divorce, because only the first marriage is legal. :facepalm:  You might have a problem figuring out which one that is, because "I'm not sure how these marriages happened" bride-to-be seems to have a few screws loose and rattling around.

 

Native Americana was talking white wedding, but his preamble was gangster outfits? Kristianna looked about as thrilled as I would be.

 

 

Is Kristina pregnant?  She looks so bloated.  Even her face seems swollen!

[Pepper Mostly]

9 hours ago, renatae said:

Ray's family being so suspicious of Britney cracks me up. They act as if *she's* the con artist after the sugar daddy.

Right? I was dying! You'd think they'd be at least cautiously optimistic that an attractive woman with a job and her own home would be interested in a partnership with their ex-con son/brother/grandson. What does Ray bring to the table, exactly? I'm looking at you, Grandma.

2 hours ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

I found a lovely pair of Gucci pants for Jeff.  A steal at $1400.

\

You can see more fetching styles here.  Can you imagine how well Jeff would be received in Anissa's town strutting around in these?

Well, if Jeff wore these around town it would keep people from noticing his stunning lack of teeth.

[Persnickety1]

2 hours ago, JenE4 said:

What a romantic proposal by Doug next to the “Remembering Crime Victims 2004” bench at 8 Mile. Now I feel like I need to actually listen to the words of the Eminem song to know what happened there in 2004. I think it was just a bad area with a lot of drugs and perhaps Eminem donated money for a community beautification project to turn it into a park? I’m just guessing but now I’m curious. Any whoo… real romantic. “I’d rather be with Rachel and angry than alone and angry.” Run, Rachel, run!

Out of all the WTF moments this shit show provides, that one had me laughing the loudest.  😂 

[Pepper Mostly]

41 minutes ago, Persnickety1 said:

Out of all the WTF moments this shit show provides, that one had me laughing the loudest.  😂 

Come on! Doug's sensitive. He probably committed some of those crimes. I bet he's truly moved that they're so thoughtfully commemorated. 

[Empress1]

Tia looks different than I expected. I wasn’t expecting a face tattoo.

I never ever ever EVER want to hear the phrase “milking the prostate” again.

[Gobi]

6 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Tia looks different than I expected. I wasn’t expecting a face tattoo.

OK, who else thought that Tia was a guy in the previews?

[PrincessPurrsALot]

54 minutes ago, Pepper Mostly said:

Come on! Doug's sensitive. He probably committed some of those crimes. I bet he's truly moved that they're so thoughtfully commemorated. 

I am sure that production recommended that park.  However, Doug was stupid enough to not see the irony in that location. LAL, never change. 

[SemiCharmedLife]

4 hours ago, Jeanne222 said:

Is Kristina pregnant?  She looks so bloated.  Even her face seems swollen!

I thought she was carrying her weight as a pregnant woman would, too, but they showed her smoking in the car with vaping John.  She's probably an "apple" shape.  But, the thing that confuses me are her drawn-on eyebrows- they have the strangest shape!  It's almost like a charicature artist drew them on her face - "can you do a combination of surprise and confounded?"

4 hours ago, JenE4 said:

We really didn’t need to hear the details of Lisa’s ass-play on Stan! Girlfriend is really earning that car! Oh, she also has a secret love and may just be using Stan for his money? You don’t say!

What do you want to bet her secret love is a lady?

[Persnickety1]

2 minutes ago, SemiCharmedLife said:

I thought she was carrying her weight as a pregnant woman would, too, but they showed her smoking in the car with vaping John.  She's probably an "apple" shape.  But, the thing that confuses me are her drawn-on eyebrows- they have the strangest shape!  It's almost like a charicature artist drew them on her face - "can you do a combination of surprise and confounded?"

Maybe she gave them an old tintype of Bonnie Parker for reference.  

[Pepper Mostly]

53 minutes ago, Gobi said:

OK, who else thought that Tia was a guy in the previews?

I will not be in the least surprised if Tia comes out as trans or nonbinary. 

[Pepper Mostly]

14 minutes ago, Persnickety1 said:

Maybe she gave them an old tintype of Bonnie Parker for reference.  

I dunno, her brows look pretty normal......

[sempervivum]

How did I miss that Doug has both sides of his scalp completely tattooed? Hope that didn't do any damage to his hair follicles.

 I do give him credit for being the only one of this season's jailbirds who got a real (though crummy) job. Though it sounds like he borrowed the $5K from some friends, which could be dangerous. And for what? Rachel hasn't been one of these idiots who insist on a fancy second wedding; if she goes along with it, she'll end up paying.

Why does Muskrat Stan keep bringing up marriage- he talks like he's really cautious, so why promote a permanent attachment? Then again, he still bought a car for Lisa even after she told the story about stealing a car! I guess his withered old prostate really needing 'milking'.

Anissa is such a sad sack, and Toothless Jeff is starting to seem kind of menacing. I can totally see her as a battered wife.

It was funny that Nicole, Sr., decided to pass on Zakkkkk because the 'welcome back' sex was just so-so. 

I don't know if the camera perspective was off, but the scene with Ray and Brittany in her kitchen made her look like a giant.

I laughed when Krustianna looked at herself in the mirror wearing the skin tight flesh-colored shirt that hugged each of her rolls of flab and said 'Yeah, I look good'. I laughed harder at her talking head with the wonky eyebrows. I can't believe the showrunners didn't do her makeup for her- even Tracy, Angela and Chanda looked nice in their TH's.

Looks like Chane is now unemployed, maybe that's why he's depressed or whatever it is that's killing his libido.

Edited August 14, 2021 by sempervivum
forgot this bit

[bichonblitz]

12 hours ago, SemiCharmedLife said:

Anissa, call the bank and cancel your credit cards.  Jeff is going to put you in the poor house.  He hasn't even got to the new teeth and Gucci pants yet.

Seriously, why is she giving him access to her credit cards? This woman depresses me. Her friend is going to get his ass shot if he doesn't stay out of Jeff's business. Back off, bro, or your story is going to end up on the ID channel.  

Lord, Nicolle is such a mess for a young girl. Her mama makes a lot of common sense so where did she go wrong raising that loser user? 

Kristianna soooooo fat and bloated. Girl, get control of yourself. At least start wearing clothes that fit. I guess food is her new addiction. 

Ray seems like a decent guy but he needs to understand he is a convict with no job living in their daughters house rent free. Ease up. You have to prove yourself to her family, you don't just walk in to their lives and expect them to  welcome you with open arms. Man up and tell your family to back the fuck off for a while. 

Lisa and Stan make my skin crawl. They're not a real couple, are they? 

[Adeejay]

I have a feeling that a raging Daonte and the cameras had an adverse effect on Zach’s libido.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he was unable to perform.

If I didn’t know any better, I would think that Brittney was the ex-con.  I would like to know where Ray’s “wonderful family” was when he was out there breaking into Walgreens. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

1 hour ago, sempervivum said:

Looks like Chane is now unemployed, maybe that's why he's depressed or whatever it is that's killing his libido.

I thought it might be the madonna-whore thing. <insert your own joke here>

[HorrrGoodnight]

Britney has a T shirt for all occasions huh? So instead of being nervous about her family meeting Ray she should've just gotten a him a shirt made that says "I live here, fuck off" Problem solved. 

Did we HAVE to see Nicolle taking of her sourdough panties?? 🤢

[tvfanatic13]

Kristiana (with the Michelin man staring back from the mirror): This fits well. 
Me: 🤦‍♀️

Welcome back you crazy kids!

[lasandi]

7 hours ago, SemiCharmedLife said:

I thought she was carrying her weight as a pregnant woman would, too, but they showed her smoking in the car with vaping John.  She's probably an "apple" shape.  But, the thing that confuses me are her drawn-on eyebrows- they have the strangest shape!  It's almost like a charicature artist drew them on her face - "can you do a combination of surprise and confounded?"

What do you want to bet her secret love is a lady?

BEFORE                   After           

 

[StevieRocks]

I want Daonte's friend and D'Mark, <Quaylon's nemesis> to have their own show.

[suziespend]

Well I would LOVE to hear what Stans kids think about an ex con beating their dads Ass in a basement dudgeon while he’s in a freakin straight jacket. And sucking out their inheritance at the same time.

And Daonte, Nicolle had sex twice and neither time was with you. As your funny friend said; “stop being a dumb ass”. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

45 minutes ago, suziespend said:

Well I would LOVE to hear what Stans kids think about an ex con beating their dads Ass in a basement dudgeon while he’s in a freakin straight jacket.

Don’t forget “while milking his prostate.”

[SemiCharmedLife]

21 hours ago, Pepper Mostly said:

I dunno, her brows look pretty normal......

This brings back memories. When I was a kid, my parents had friends who knew the Parkers back in the day.  I heard many stories about them and saw photos like this one.

[heatherchandler]

On 8/14/2021 at 7:52 AM, Jeanne222 said:

Is Kristina pregnant?  She looks so bloated.  Even her face seems swollen!

She’s obviously switched her addiction from drugs to sugar.

21 hours ago, Pepper Mostly said:

I dunno, her brows look pretty normal......

Bonnie should have stolen an eyebrow pencil, she needs to fill in!  I wonder if she had a thyroid problem, I’ve heard that can cause eyebrow loss.

[1011101010001]

37 minutes ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Don’t forget “while milking his prostate.”

I’m figuring strap-on action.  The only question is what size.

[Keywestclubkid]

I know she’s a hoe you know she’s a hoe she’s knows she’s a hoe … everyone that watched this show watched her be a hoe. Dude come on now 

Edited August 15, 2021 by Keywestclubkid

[1011101010001]

So the singer from The Stray Cats ended up in a women’s prison?

[Keywestclubkid]

Lisa needs to get her money back on those horrible extensions… that’s all I’m saying 

[Empress1]

23 hours ago, SemiCharmedLife said:

What do you want to bet her secret love is a lady?

My friend who watches this show has been on the "Lisa is gay, I don't care how many husbands she has" tip since the second he saw her.

40 minutes ago, Keywestclubkid said:

Lisa needs to get her money back on those horrible extensions… that’s all I’m saying 

The hair itself is decent quality but they were put in TERRIBLY. They're just plopped on there. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

1 hour ago, Keywestclubkid said:

Lisa Stan needs to get her his money back on those horrible extensions… that’s all I’m saying 

FTFY

[psychoticstate]

It's taken me two days to post because I had to do some healing after hearing Lisa talk about milking a prostate or whatever.  Ugh.  Whatever kinky shit y'all get up to, Lisa, PLEASE for the love of baby Jesus, keep it to yourself.  (And girl, based on what you did let slip, I would want more than a minivan too.)  

Deonte, please grow a spine and be at least as much of a man as Lisa.  You don't need to talk to Nicolle about anything.  Shut her phone off, burn Nicolle, Jr. and consider it a lesson learned for all concerned.  She's a ho who is using you for your bank account.  If nothing else, listen to your friend who, outside of the pets, is the smartest person on this show.  

I have to admit that I thought Tia was a guy in the previews.  

So why can't Brittany just tell Ray that her family has an issue with him having a record and they'll need to take it very slow with them?  Girl, get a t-shirt made up that says that.  You have a shirt for every other occasion.   Ray's family seems decent and nice and Ray seems like he's focused on getting his life together.  

Doug just gives me the willies.  Period, end of story.  I appreciate that he has a job but please stop complaining about being hot or whatever because it has to be better than being locked up.  Of course we have yet another LAL former inmate who's got to go to some hapless store owner and explain how they just got out of prison.  Excuse me, Doug.  The man with a bunch of diamonds may not feel super secure with you, knowing that you've just gotten out of prison.  I guess at least Doug didn't tell him the longest he's ever been out of the pokey was 40 days.  
I was laughing like an idiot over Doug choosing the Remember the Crime Victims bench as the perfect spot to officially propose to Rachel.  Now, I've never been to Detroit, have no idea bout 8 Mile but there looked to be other green areas that would have made a better proposal site than a memorial to murdered people.  Just saying.  And of course Rachel said yes and of course Doug is smiling and grinning over "social media" (what's her name?)  

Over at Angela and Tony Part 2's lot, Jeff has discovered that you can actually order shit online and they deliver it to you within two days!  (And Anissa should be discovering that giving Jeff her credit card is a HUGE mistake.)   So Jeff has ordered a drone on Amazon since he can't leave their property and this will allow him to see the world.  If you see a random drone out your window, it's likely Jeff in his quest to see the world.  What Jeff really needs to do is see about some teeth he can receive in two days.  Anyhow, Anissa points out that there is a stack of Amazon packages on the front porch, compliments of Jeff and her credit card, and that he pretty much spends his days ordering shit and gambling online.  Anissa, Anissa, Anissa.  Girl, once he's maxed out your credit cards, he's going to be online with other women (if it's not already happening.)  If Doug -- DOUG -- can get a job, surely Jeff can too.  Or does he also ghost employers?   Anyway, Angela's friend Tommy Anissa's friend Kyle is tired of Jeff's shit and tells Anissa Jeff's secret, along with his opinion that the timeline doesn't add up and he thinks this supposed child is younger than 18.  We do too, Kyle.  Jeff is tired of Kyle interfering, thinks it's none of Kyle's business (maybe you shouldn't have told him, genius) and then promptly flies his drone into a tree.  You can pick them, Anissa.  At least if Jeff and Kyle get into that seemingly inevitable fight, Kyle will only have about three teeth to knock out.

So next week is the season finale?  Huh?  This seemed very short.  We haven't seen hardly anything on Pickle and Josh.  

The previews . . . ummmm . . . how is putting Kristianna in a hat and vest dressing her up like Bonnie Parker?  She looked absolutely disgusted.  You would think John would learn from putting her on the spot with the truck bed wedding last time.  

And did Lacey say that she and Chane had been having sex six times a day?  Or were my ears still traumatized from Stan and Lisa?  If she did, okay, Samantha Jones, cool your jets.  Y'all have like a half dozen kids and somebody in that house has got to be working.  OF COURSE it seems that Lacey is on the phone with Chon.  

I look forward to two hours of fuckery on Friday! 

 

[SemiCharmedLife]

2 hours ago, Keywestclubkid said:

Lisa needs to get her money back on those horrible extensions… that’s all I’m saying 

How can she possibly think those "extensions" are more attractive than the wigs Stan bought her or her own short haircut?  The stylist should have talked her out of trying to do extensions on her too short hair.  Wear the wig until you can get proper extensions...

[lasandi]

 

Well I have to say, Lisa's hair does remind me of this.  lol

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Why does Muskrat Stan keep bringing up marriage- he talks like he's really cautious, so why promote a permanent attachment?

He seems to think that if Lisa marries him, she won't leave him. 

Quote

The stylist should have talked her out of trying to do extensions on her too short hair.  Wear the wig until you can get proper extensions...

Yep - you have to have enough hair to hide the bond, at least. Though I suppose the stylist didn't care what the work said about her and it was a good way to earn a few bucks. It's expensive to have them put it because it takes hours.

[1011101010001]

I find it hard to believe Stan is only 65.  Unless he has had a wicked amount of sun damage.  His skin is so leathery and wrinkled.

[zenme]

10 hours ago, SemiCharmedLife said:

This brings back memories. When I was a kid, my parents had friends who knew the Parkers back in the day.  I heard many stories about them and saw photos like this one.

No lies! My dad’s family grew up on same street as the Barrows! 

[RealReality]

On 8/13/2021 at 10:49 PM, SemiCharmedLife said:

Anissa, call the bank and cancel your credit cards.  Jeff is going to put you in the poor house.  He hasn't even got to the new teeth and Gucci pants yet.

Anissa is a natural born fool headed to chapter 7 bankruptcy over a toothless meth addict. 

Why on gods green earth would you ever hand a felonious meth addict who twice ghosted you your credit cards?  While you are out working TWO JOBS?

[RealReality]

10 hours ago, SemiCharmedLife said:

How can she possibly think those "extensions" are more attractive than the wigs Stan bought her or her own short haircut?  The stylist should have talked her out of trying to do extensions on her too short hair.  Wear the wig until you can get proper extensions...

I will always maintain that the true villain is her "stylist friend" who agreed to do those extensions which are criminal in their own right.  

Anyone who even liked Lisa would have told her to simply have the wig styled to her head and attached.  It's cheaper and easier.  Lisas buzzcut would have allowed the wig to lay flat and look more natural. 

[Scout Finch]

25 minutes ago, RealReality said:

I will always maintain that the true villain is her "stylist friend" who agreed to do those extensions which are criminal in their own right.  

Anyone who even liked Lisa would have told her to simply have the wig styled to her head and attached.  It's cheaper and easier.  Lisas buzzcut would have allowed the wig to lay flat and look more natural. 

Or, at the very least, dye her roots to match the color of the extensions so it's not so instantly obvious what a crap job she had done. 

[teapot]

Did Tia’s throat look like it had been slashed???

Edited August 16, 2021 by teapot

[Gobi]

47 minutes ago, teapot said:

Did Tia’s throat look like it had been slashed???

It looked like a DIY tracheotomy.

[hookedontv]

2 hours ago, Gobi said:

It looked like a DIY tracheotomy.

Totally looks like that! 

[1011101010001]

Hickey from a vampire?

[Empress1]

18 hours ago, teapot said:

Did Tia’s throat look like it had been slashed???

I noticed that scar too. Very curious about the story there.