S08.E11: Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Cauchi

[OnceSane]

Quote

Jax and Brittany wed in a stylish Kentucky ceremony surrounded by friends, while Stassi wonders if Beau will ever propose to her; Lisa brings Katie and Schwartz to task for failing to make their marriage official.

Airs March 17, 2020.

[biakbiak]

There is no way this wedding is going to be stylish!

[The Ringo Kidd]

I wonder what all of these knuckleheads are going to handle it now that all of the bars and restaurants are closed down?

Lisa must have plotzed when she heard.

Edited March 17, 2020 by The Ringo Kidd

[Carolina Girl]

You mean Attention-Whores in stereo FINALLY get married tonight??!!  Thank God.  Our long Bravo nightmare is over.......

[politichick]

On 3/15/2020 at 5:28 PM, biakbiak said:

There is no way this wedding is going to be stylish!

My thoughts exactly!

[nytonc]

I’m so glad this wedding will finally be over. It’s going to be the tackiest wedding in the history of weddings. 
Brittney: Im so happy we’re married!  
Jaxass:  is the wedding over yet? I wanna  bang that hot waitress  

Now that Sheana is the only original working at Sur (except Ariana) I’m wondering if it’s because:  

A. She can’t afford to quit 
B. She has nothing else worth filming           .      
C. She’s jealous new girls will get attention        D. All of the above and more

She gets more desperate every week. I love watching her melt down over a new girl going out with one of her “best friend” guys. Although I’m afraid I might have to adjust the tint on my TV bc she’s going to literally turn green.

Lala looks like Smurf Cousin Itt in that fringe dress. 

Breaking protocol to comment on last week. I laughed so hard at the fact that Katie & Schwartz aren’t legally married. Leave it to Schwartz to forget to follow thru on that little detail. He might want to rethink the whole marriage thing while he has the chance. 

Edited March 18, 2020 by nytonc

[Thumper]

Bridesmaid dresses are pretty.

When they showed the caption “Randall and Beau,” I thought it said “Randall and beau,”and I perked up!  I kind of loved that he was off schedule.

Lisa is SO overdone with the hat(s) and all.  (Just watched last week when she wore that awful purple/lilac number.)

I like the castle.

Edited March 18, 2020 by Thumper

[FancyNancy]

4 minutes ago, Thumper said:

Bridesmaid dresses are pretty.

When they showed the caption “Randall and Beau,” I thought it said “Randall and beau,”and I perked up!  I kind of loved that he was off schedule.

Lisa is SO overdone with the hat(s) and all.  (Just watched last week when she wore that awful purple/lilac number.)

I like the castle.

I bet Lisa was glad about that hat though. Kept the sun off of her a bit lol. 
 

I, like everyone else, am so thrilled this is IT.

[FancyNancy]

I hope this ends the open mouth laugh too.

Why are they even bothering showing the extras at SUR and Tom Tom?

[Lassus]

The tackiest wedding dress I have ever seen.

[Thumper]

1 minute ago, Lassus said:

The tackiest wedding dress I have ever seen.

Do you never watch “Say Yes To The Dress?”   There are much worse!  lol

Not my preference, but I think it’s pretty from the front.  Did not like the back.  Made her butt look bunchy like a diaper.  

[Thumper]

Ewwwww, Shep!  😩

[LibertarianSlut]

I hate myself so much right now, but...I thought it was kind of beautiful how supportive Brittney’s friends/crew were being, like with the steaming of the dress.  I never had anyone do anything like that for me.

I also liked that the guests were allowed to bring their drinks to the ceremony.  I love when guests feel comfortable.  

That wedding dress was a joke, right?  I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything as tacky as a wedding dress with cups and a translucent bodice.  Either one would be the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen, but the both together are completely unforgivable.  Of course they’re friends with Shep and Larry Burkhead.  

I thought the ceremony was so tasteless.  One joke is ok, maybe, to cut the tension (but not my style) but I counted at least three.  Drink every time Lance Bass refers to himself as “the minister (!!!)”

Stassi, hold onto your hat, because you’ve been out-basiced big-time when Brittney made two fucking Friends references during the ceremony.  I know I stand alone when I say I fucking hate that show, but even if it was a show that I liked, why bring up such a popular show during a wedding ceremony?  It’s not some deep secret you two share.  Brittney is so vulgar in her laugh, and in her smile.  Just ugggghhhhhh all around with those two.

Was Lisa in attendance?  She barely got any camera time at all. 

[Emmeline]

I thought the venue was much nicer than I expected.  The bridesmaids dresses were very pretty as well as their bouquets.  I didn’t think the vows were particularly touching.  I just can’t stand Jax and I’m sick of hearing about his deceased father.  Whenever he talks about money, it’s always “I” never “we”.

[RedDelicious]

Lala is starting to look like 90-day Darcey 😬

[dosodog]

Sooooo.  My eyes got a little wet when Lala talked about not being able to have a father/daughter dance at her wedding.

  And though she didn't verbally express her sadness, Randall picked up on it and touched her arm, asked if she was okay and told her he loved her.

I found it to be sincere.  And it touched my heart.

Is this what happens when one socially distanced themselves?  You become sappy?

[Batwings]

Yes, Danica, it’s like so funny and like sooo embarassing to have an interlock...oh excuse me “breathalyzer” on your ignition. Her stupid frozen toothy grin set me off during that scene. 

[farmgal4]

Brittany, stop with your mouth hanging open ALL. THE. TIME!  WTF has Lala done to her face??? 😱

[Lassus]

I didn't need to see that.

[Ubiquitous]

Fuck! I didn't realize the wedding ep was going to be extra long, as if these nuptials haven't gone on long enough! 

 

ETA:

Darn you, Bravo! I had totally forgotten about how you like to include the "Watch What Happens!" which follows it as part of the show!

Edited March 18, 2020 by Ubiquitous

[FlyingEgret]

I thought Brittany looked beautiful, but the wedding dress got tackier as the night went on

[Callaphera]

Danica, talking about having to use a breathalyzer to start her car and again every 15 minutes: "It's embarrassing."

You know what's super embarrassing? Killing someone because you drove while under the influence. Too bad those things can't pick up on things like the Adderall you guys snort for funsies. 

...did anyone catch how much Jax paid for the wedding? I don't think he mentioned it at all, not even once, during this episode. What a guy, not to brag about how much money he spent. Wow!

[FlyingEgret]

If Dayna and Max reconcile, will she wear the litterbox soaked necklace?  That's the only burning question I have for that relationship...

[JenE4]

Sandoval came through with his top-of-the-line tampons! Did you see him with those umbrellas? He derives great joy in being a provider of these incidentals!

Hooters and “Friends” in their wedding vows?!? They both mentioned this. This is literally the only two things they have in common?!
Brittany looks gorgeous. I’m not a fan of the lingerie look wedding dress, but the fit is very flattering on her. I love the bridesmaids’ dresses!

This one with the breathalyzer really thinks she has it all figured out with this cheating scenario. Talk about a bouquet of red flags—needing time blow the breathalyzer every 15 minutes while driving?! 

Jax says Carter could have been one person they could cut to save money...while Carter is talking to James’s friend?! Why’s he there?!? We haven’t seen that kid since the Not About the Pastagate. Are you really friends with Shep? I could have helped whittle down this budget—starting with slashing the extra 37 parties leading up to it. Oh, those other days don’t even count in this $100,000 wedding?! Well, these mactors did okay for themselves with this show!

This is a weird-ass Flonase product-placement. I’ve been telling you for 2.5 years Claritin ain’t shit and Flonase is where it’s at, but your stubborn ass didn’t listen and look at you suffering now.

Ken and Lisa brought that ratty dog to the wedding reception?! A Hooters after party? I take it back about the dog being déclassé.

Who is this bald dude that Scheana is making out with?!? 

Giving Sandoval a B- or a C?! He got your vodka and tampons! He gave Memaw an umbrella so she didn’t die of heat stroke! Come on! Schwartz almost lost the rings and wasted 17 minutes on a speech that embarrassed you in front of Brittany’s relatives! This is not about the Pastor!

[LibertarianSlut]

Lance was really saying “bitches” and “hoes” at the reception?  I thought I had no words, but I may never speak again.  

When Stassi was begging Beau to propose, I was just like, “come on Stas, Beau knows it’s not your guys’s (hey, if Brittney can say it, I can say it) time of the season to have your wedding story.“ Beau has been thinking in terms of seasons longer than he’s known Stassi.  

Schwartz’s speech was awful.  I think Flat Iron would have done a much better job.  Schwartz, allow me to introduce you to a little Shakespeare:  brevity is the soul of wit.  

Kristen bringing Carter as her date to the wedding in a different state, but kinda ditching him along the way wasn’t really cool.  

I totally agree with Lala that a good idea is not to have Hooters cater your wedding.  That’s a little beyond kitsch.  

I have had this unnatural and completely unjustified strong dislike for Jax’s sister ever since she showed up on the scene last season.  She always looks very awkward and out of place, like she’s so much more uncomfortable than all the other bit players, like Brittney’s friends.  She reminds me of one of those scared, hairless cats.  

Holy shit, they were charging at the bar at Jax’s wedding when he had 60 bottles of vodka?????  How does a miscommunication of that magnitude even happen?  Someone fucked up big.  Again, not to play Flat Iron’s tune again, but it never would have happened if he had been fully in charge.  

Not to ruin it with the new people, but Danica was 1,000% spot on (and I thought the diagram was funny) that Max definitely humped that TomTom t-shirt girl, not matter what restaurant they were at.  I now hate Dayna for trying to take him back and using weak explanations.  She was supposed to be The Cool Girl.  Yah, she totally thinks weddings are, like, wack (or should I say it like she says it, “wok”?), but I bet if Max tried to put a ring on it, she’d scoop it up right quick.  I have never seen someone grovel so badly for a man.  Dayna is the new Scheana!  It’s come full circle!

Jax hustling everyone  out of the castle on the morning after the wedding was..one of the classiest moments of this episode? 

This was 95% trash, so...a better showing than I predicted overall.  

[Callaphera]

4 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

This is a weird-ass Flonase product-placement. I’ve been telling you for 2.5 years Claritin ain’t shit and Flonase is where it’s at, but your stubborn ass didn’t listen and look at you suffering now.

At least it was sneakier than the OTT promo for The Hustle on RHONY last season. 

Kristen probably pops little pink pills every six hours for the Benadryl Buzz.  

[farmgal4]

2 hours ago, nytonc said:

I’m so glad this wedding will finally be over. It’s going to be the tackiest wedding in the history of weddings. 
Brittney: Im so happy we’re married!  
Jaxass:  is the wedding over yet? I wanna  bang that hot waitress  

Now that Sheana is the only original working at Sur (except Ariana) I’m wondering if it’s because:  

A. She can’t afford to quit 
B. She has nothing else worth filming           .      
C. She’s jealous new girls will get attention        D. All of the above and more

She gets more desperate every week. I love watching her melt down over a new girl going out with one of her “best friend” guys. Although I’m afraid I might have to adjust the tint on my TV bc she’s going to literally turn green.

Lala looks like Smurf Cousin Itt. 

Breaking protocol to comment on last week. I laughed so hard at the fact that Katie & Schwartz aren’t legally married. Leave it to Schwartz to forget to follow thru on that little detail. He might want to rethink the whole marriage thing while he has the chance. 

Lala looks like Smurf Cousin Shit!

[njbchlover]

58 minutes ago, LibertarianSlut said:

I hate myself so much right now, but...I thought it was kind of beautiful how supportive Brittney’s friends/crew were being, like with the steaming of the dress.  I never had anyone do anything like that for me.

I also liked that the guests were allowed to bring their drinks to the ceremony.  I love when guests feel comfortable.  

That wedding dress was a joke, right?  I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything as tacky as a wedding dress with cups and a translucent bodice.  Either one would be the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen, but the both together are completely unforgivable.  Of course they’re friends with Shep and Larry Burkhead.  

I thought the ceremony was so tasteless.  One joke is ok, maybe, to cut the tension (but not my style) but I counted at least three.  Drink every time Lance Bass refers to himself as “the minister (!!!)”

Stassi, hold onto your hat, because you’ve been out-basiced big-time when Brittney made two fucking Friends references during the ceremony.  I know I stand alone when I say I fucking hate that show, but even if it was a show that I liked, why bring up such a popular show during a wedding ceremony?  It’s not some deep secret you two share.  Brittney is so vulgar in her laugh, and in her smile.  Just ugggghhhhhh all around with those two.

Was Lisa in attendance?  She barely got any camera time at all. 

Take a look at "Say Yes to the Dress" (NY episodes), or google Pnina Tornai - if you think Brittany's dress was tacky, you ain't seen nothing yet!  🙂  

[Thumper]

Just now, njbchlover said:

Take a look at "Say Yes to the Dress" (NY episodes), or google Pnina Tornai - if you think Brittany's dress was tacky, you ain't seen nothing yet!  🙂  

“Stripper Fairy Dresses” was an expression coined in the TWoP days!  😁

[njbchlover]

51 minutes ago, dosodog said:

Sooooo.  My eyes got a little wet when Lala talked about not being able to have a father/daughter dance at her wedding.

  And though she didn't verbally express her sadness, Randall picked up on it and touched her arm, asked if she was okay and told her he loved her.

I found it to be sincere.  And it touched my heart.

Is this what happens when one socially distanced themselves?  You become sappy?

I'm guessing that's it - Especially when watching the chucklefucks on this show!!  I got a little misty-eyed myself.

I thought the bridesmaid dresses were very pretty, and at first glance, LaLa reminded me of Elsa from Frozen.  I thought her hair (extensions and all) looked lovely, and I don't usually think that LaLa is that attractive.

[nexxie]

It’s kind of a crapshoot, but I really hope these two enjoy a good marriage.

[njbchlover]

41 minutes ago, FlyingEgret said:

I thought Brittany looked beautiful, but the wedding dress got tackier as the night went on

Especially when it went from a long, tulle skirt to a skintight mini with an illusion bustier - that was even tackier than Schaena's dress was, and that's saying something!

[njbchlover]

9 minutes ago, Thumper said:

“Stripper Fairy Dresses” was an expression coined in the TWoP days!  😁

Yup!!!  I remember that!  😂

But, since we're talking Brittany and the Kentucky Castle wedding, I guess her dress could be described as "Stripper Princess Dress"!!!  

[breezy424]

It's over.  Thank god it's over. 

[Travellin]

Why did Brittany have to thank her dad for being there today?  Seemed odd ...

[FancyNancy]

9 minutes ago, Travellin said:

Why did Brittany have to thank her dad for being there today?  Seemed odd ...

I wondered the same thing.

[bichonblitz]

LVP imitating Jax and Brittney reciting their vows was hilarious. That ole dame can be funny sometimes. 

I hope Jax looks at this footage and realizes he shoud kiss Sandoval's ass. The guy went above and beyond for him. Schwartz did nothing, that guy is useless and it's just not cute anymore. He couldn't even get the speech right. Read the room, dumbass. Cringeworthy. 

Stassi stop being desperate. You will get your moment soon enough.  

[nytonc]

20 minutes ago, Travellin said:

Why did Brittany have to thank her dad for being there today?  Seemed odd ...

He probably hates Jaxass’ guts. Maybe he initially told her if she married him, he wouldn’t come to the wedding. 

[Lady of nod]

Party of one - I thought LaLa looked beautiful in the bridesmaid's dress. 

Otoh Brittany's dress was tacky as expected

Does anyone know whose face Scheana was sucking? Does Scheana know? Does anyone care?

I love Schwartz but letting him do the speech, big mistake.

 

[MVFrostsMyPie]

Does Brittany need some Flonase too, or is she just incapable of breathing through her nose and not her mouth wide open? 

Ugh, no way in hell I'd be sitting on a clear plastic chair in that blinding sun in 96 degrees in Kentucky for anyone's wedding. I don't ever plan on getting married, and if I find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, I would want to just elope, but I'm with Stassi, my wedding would be in the fall (or heck, even winter). 

I was hoping one of the dogs would poo poo on Brittany's dress. 

[Callaphera]

2 hours ago, njbchlover said:

Especially when it went from a long, tulle skirt to a skintight mini with an illusion bustier - that was even tackier than Schaena's dress was, and that's saying something!

Unpopular opinion: I liked Scheana's wedding dress. I thought she rocked the two piece. Brittany's Pnina rip-off, though. Oof. Nothing says class quite like bra cups and an illusion bodice making your torso look shorter than it is. 

[ivygirl]

4 hours ago, dosodog said:

 

Is this what happens when one socially distanced themselves?  You become sappy?

I dunno, I’m under shelter-in-place and I wasn’t moved a mite. Maybe I already turned the corner? 🤣 

Brittany’s hair was pretty. And it was nice to see her so happy. Even if she was marrying Jax.

This wedding was like one big product placement for other reality shows, new and old... Shep. Larry Burkhart, The Stripper Fairy dress. Am I missing anyone/anything? 🤣

[GonnahearmeRoar]

There was no way Brittany wasn’t going to show her hooters off in her wedding dress. It was kinda fun sticking w/ the hooter theme and have Hooter’s  food at the after party although Stassi would never - eye rolling.  When I got married years ago the reception broke down to $125 per person. Of course with a wedding there are so many other costs that are not related to the guests like flowers, wedding dress, extra limos, gifts for the bridal party and so on. The total cost can really increase depending on your must haves. What is the average cost now for a sit down dinner reception? Buffet style wedding? Last wedding I went to I gave $300 for my husband and I. It was in a nice reception hall for one of my close friends daughter and I hoped I gave enough when my neighbor at the same wedding said she never gives more than $100 for her husband and her. Do you give accordingly to the perceived cost per person or a flat budget amount? More for family and less for friends? It is so confusing!  

[ivygirl]

And Another Thing!

How do a bunch of bartenders screw up THE BAR at the wedding? 

[psychoticstate]

Only 25 minutes in but must comment.

Brittany's dress?  Ick.  Not my style at all.  She looks as though she's wearing a corset, not an actual wedding dress and the back is horrific.  Not flattering at all.  Really makes her appear lumpy. 

Did Jax and Brittany really promise to take each other for richer or poorer . . . and that's it?  Not in sickness and in health, through good times and bad and forsaking all others?  (Not that we expect Jax to stay faithful).  Gah.

Flat Iron is the best best man ever.  No contest.  He really should be renting out his services or sell an online course in how to be the best best man.

I did love that Lala did Meemaw's makeup though.

Still don't care about the newbies (otherwise known as anyone that wasn't invited to the wedding.) 

Shep?  No thanks.  How do Jax and Brittany know Larry Birkhead?

I tell you, every week that I watch these chucklefucks makes me more and more appreciative I left LA.

[JenE4]

6 hours ago, ivygirl said:

And Another Thing!

How do a bunch of bartenders screw up THE BAR at the wedding? 

I think that’s why they were so aghast and took it as a personal affront! But I REALLY expected Sandoval to push the staff out of the way and start making those vodka drinks himself.

[njbchlover]

7 hours ago, ivygirl said:

I dunno, I’m under shelter-in-place and I wasn’t moved a mite. Maybe I already turned the corner? 🤣 

Brittany’s hair was pretty. And it was nice to see her so happy. Even if she was marrying Jax.

This wedding was like one big product placement for other reality shows, new and old... Shep. Larry Burkhart, The Stripper Fairy dress. Am I missing anyone/anything? 🤣

I don't know - has Lance Bass been on any reality shows?  

[ivygirl]

7 minutes ago, njbchlover said:

I don't know - has Lance Bass been on any reality shows?  

Here you go! Maybe this is why Jax said Brittany was “Prince Charming”:

Finding Prince Charming is an American reality-TVdating show that premiered on the cable network Logo on September 8, 2016. It is hosted by actor and pop singer Lance Bass. Robert Sepúlveda Jr., an interior designer based in Atlanta, was cast as a suitor for the first season.

(From Wikipedia)

Edited March 18, 2020 by ivygirl
Citing my sources

[Carolina Girl]

 

12 hours ago, Batwings said:

Yes, Danica, it’s like so funny and like sooo embarassing to have an interlock...oh excuse me “breathalyzer” on your ignition. Her stupid frozen toothy grin set me off during that scene. 

I'm hoping Danica is a "one and done" after this season.  She's an absolute jackass.  "Oh, just because they were having waffles doesn't mean they weren't banging earlier."  No, maybe it means they ran into each other and decided to have breakfast.   Get lost, you effing asshole.  You bring nothing.  At least when the Witches of Weho were shit stirring in their early seasons, they were entertaining.  You just come across as a desperate attention whore.  

[CloseThisAccount]

The best part of this episode was the "Later this season" preview.  This wedding has been endless. I'm sick of  Jax and Brittney being too precious for questions or reality checks.  Good to see they're back to familiar patterns soon.

And can Katie just admit now that she didn't want to be married as much as she wanted to be a bride?  Does anyone know the laws in CA?  Are they common law yet or could they walk away without divorcing?  They'd still have to legally divide their stuff but it's easier w/o the marriage, so well played Schwartz. 

Sandoval remains a national treasure.

Lance Bass dancing while waiting for Brittney to walk down the aisle was everything.  He was so not officiating at a wedding, so absolutely playing a part on a kitschy reality show & loving every minute.  And then they used him as their reception emcee. Nice twofer. 

Charly: My dream is to get really drunk in Vegas & drive up to a drive-thru wedding chapel & get married.

Other Surster: Big dreams