S01.E09: Bachelor & Bachelorette Parties

[Jane Tuesday]

Quote

Emotions run high as the couples plan for their futures... and party like there's no tomorrow.  Soon after, the first wedding day arrives.

 

[SayMyName]

I just want to know how much the cup company paid to have their whole product line featured in this show.

[jabRI]

I am so tired of the coppery wine cups, seems tacky to me.  And another drunken scene with Jessica/Amber no one needed to see.

[aradia22]

Jessica: Surely my friends will say something about the age difference!

Marissa and Ashley: Nah, we're cool with it. 

Me: 🤣

Is it just me or does it seem like production has given all of the guys the same paper rose petals to scatter around?

Do people typically have bachelor/bachelorette parties that close to the wedding? It feels like a poor decision to possibly be hungover or exhausted for your wedding day.

Knowing that they possibly have opposing political views, I'm suddenly very focused on what we know about Giannina and Damian. Do they have anything in common besides being relatively fit and enjoying (well, apparently less so on her part) having sex with each other? I don't think so...

The treehouse was an adorable date. The pouring rain was not ideal but it was very Pinterest/Instagram.

I'm glad that this thing about Lauren's need for independence is taking over from the interracial dating storyline they kept hammering for so many episodes. I don't know that they've done the best job illustrating it though because I have no idea what she does for work. I have no idea what she likes to do in her down time when she isn't having a date night with Cameron. 

I feel like Giannina wanted to be on The Bachelor. She likes the trips and the helicopters and the dinners and the excitement of all that fake romance. If there were butterflies (which I doubt) I think they were from those things more than from Damian.

I love Lauren for being a reasonable person who likes Cameron but is having cold feet after only knowing him for a couple of weeks. 

Lauren's hair was looking GORGEOUS in that scene. The high pony, the braids, the baby curls. I was distracted by how perfect her hair looked. I wonder if she was testing wedding looks. 

I don't know if Amber's whole "I'm marrying my best friend" thing was real or not. On the one hand, she was being a lot. On the other hand, that feels like accurate drunk girl energy.

WHAT!?! This is the first we've heard about Kelly actually not being that physically attracted to Kenny. It's the night before the wedding. You think of him as a friend? Not good.

I want more of Cameron and his nerd friends. This is the most he's talked with anyone who isn't Lauren and these guys are not bad sounding boards. I can't believe I'm asking for more episodes of this dumb show but I kind of wish we'd had more episodes, at least of the couples apart from each other.

The Lachey's keep talking about the couples walking away from each other forever. But I'm very curious if one or more of the couples will not go through with the wedding but decide to keep seeing each other after the show and just date normally.

Solid drag queen. Now that's an episode I would watch. Relationship counseling with drag queens. They'd probably be better experts than the MAFS crew.

Jessica and Amber had big Showgirls: Drunk Girl Edition vibes. Like Nomi and Crystal but both super wasted. So much awkward petting.

Giannina's mom asking her to please let this not be a game... 👀

Personal taste but I think Giannina chose an "I'm not serious" wedding dress. It felt a little too casual.

Oh, God. Giannina's poetry. 

The officiant's opening speech. "Today, we hope to celebrate love. Today we discover if love is blind." Dead. This show is hilarious.

I love watching this show for the wrong reasons. 😉

[aradia22]

Wait, Damian's name is really Mark?

[Chilly]

I want to love Cameron, I do. But he's giving me serious You vibes. 

[2727]

1 hour ago, jabRI said:

I am so tired of the coppery wine cups, seems tacky to me.  And another drunken scene with Jessica/Amber no one needed to see.

My conspiracy theory is that production got tired of viewers watching wine levels to gauge how much franken-editing was happening.

[himela]

Am I the only one who thinks that all these people are (wannabe) actors and actresses? I mean, it seems more fake than The Bachelor series!

[apollonia666]

DAMIEN. RUN, dude.

You know what bugs me most about this delicious trainwreck? The lighting. I know it's for the filming but the harsh overhead lighting in every damn scene is horrible. And when someone lights candles under their 100-watt bulbs? UGH.

[Racj82]

Jessica needs rehab, not marriage.

Gianna needs a way to become a star. Not a marriage.

Mark needs to open his fucking eyes.

Amber needs therapy. Gianna might need some too.

Damian cannot and will not be able to ever keep up with a woman like Gianna.

I would love it Lauren/Cameron and Kelly/Kenny just said fuck getting married but gave it go afterwards.

Now we know the real reason Kelly and Kenny haven't had sex yet. If she is still feeling friend vibes now, I don't know where they can go but marriage ain't it.

 

Edited February 23, 2020 by Racj82

[Fallacy]

This is by far the craziest show ever. 

Jessica needs rehab ASAP and Mark needs to run immediately.

Damien and Gianna will never work. He’s in lust, not love, and she’s just barely willing to use him for 6 months for a few thousand more Instagram followers.

I can’t remember the names of the two who have awesome parents but are so vanilla, they bore each other already. Kelly and Kevin? How the hell do you consider marrying someone you’re not even willing to bang yet?

I guess I’m rooting for Lauren and Cameron and Amber and Barnett though there is something a little off about Cameron and Amber is just so young and dumb. Barnett surprisingly seems like he really is in love with Amber and vice versa, so maybe those two crazy kids will make it work. 

[jabRI]

I like Cameron, he reminds me of a lot of people I know, just more low-key than the 'instagram' folks.  He comes across as boring, but he just thinks before he speaks.  Lauren has more red flags: her parents never met a boyfriend, she's been in 2 long distant relationships, she doesn't want to give up her studio... I think she's into Cameron, just prefers to be mainly alone.

[Ms Blue Jay]

On 2/21/2020 at 7:05 AM, SayMyName said:

I just want to know how much the cup company paid to have their whole product line featured in this show.

It really worked on me and now I want glasses like that

[Ms Blue Jay]

3 hours ago, jabRI said:

I like Cameron, he reminds me of a lot of people I know, just more low-key than the 'instagram' folks.  He comes across as boring, but he just thinks before he speaks.  Lauren has more red flags: her parents never met a boyfriend, she's been in 2 long distant relationships, she doesn't want to give up her studio... I think she's into Cameron, just prefers to be mainly alone.

I don't really get the big deal about giving up her place.  If she wants to keep it, let her keep it.  Is that bad?  I'm sure a lot of wealthy couples have more than one property.

I don't know why Lauren is doing this weird sabotaging thing before the wedding.  Are they allowed to say they just want to date right now?

[ZootSuitWyatt]

1 hour ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

I don't really get the big deal about giving up her place.  If she wants to keep it, let her keep it.  Is that bad?  I'm sure a lot of wealthy couples have more than one property.

I don't know why Lauren is doing this weird sabotaging thing before the wedding.  Are they allowed to say they just want to date right now?

The hosts keep presenting it as though they have to choose between marriage or walking away forever...but I can't imagine the show can actually enforce that? 

[Neurochick]

I get Lauren, she loves Cameron but she's never lived with anybody before, she's afraid she'll lose herself in Cameron.  It's a case of 'be careful what you wish for, you might get it.'

I see why many of these people are single, despite their looks.  Lauren and Giananna tend to self sabotage, Amber and Jessica are drunken train wrecks.  Amber had huge debt that she's never even started to pay off, she's hoping Barnett will pay it off.

If you want to know spoilers, there's an instagram page, loveisblindtea that tells you all the skinny.  The show was filmed in 2018.

[Fallacy]

1 hour ago, Neurochick said:

 

If you want to know spoilers, there's an instagram page, loveisblindtea that tells you all the skinny.  The show was filmed in 2018.

Okay. A: Why are they just now airing it, and why do I have to wait until Thursday to see the last episode? And B: How am I supposed to stay away from spoilers now? I really want to know everything, but I don’t want to miss the chance to experience the second hand embarrassment that will come with watching the final episode spoiler free. 

[Angeleyes]

On 2/22/2020 at 8:59 AM, himela said:

Am I the only one who thinks that all these people are (wannabe) actors and actresses? I mean, it seems more fake than The Bachelor series!

They at least want to be social media stars since most of them have the typical heavily posed selfies and self promotion. I think Amber is already promoting some bikinis on her page. They are hoping it leads to more fame, more money, etc., and for some it is promotion of their businesses like Kelly’s health coaching. I posted links to everyone’s Instagram pages in the Pod People thread.  

[roseslg]

2 hours ago, Fallacy said:

Okay. A: Why are they just now airing it, and why do I have to wait until Thursday to see the last episode? And B: How am I supposed to stay away from spoilers now? I really want to know everything, but I don’t want to miss the chance to experience the second hand embarrassment that will come with watching the final episode spoiler free. 

Ditto. I kinda want to know and dont want to know.  I can't wait until Thursday!  Will there be a where are they now?

[Racj82]

1 hour ago, roseslg said:

Ditto. I kinda want to know and dont want to know.  I can't wait until Thursday!  Will there be a where are they now?

Not judging but I never have this problem anymore. I'm truly enjoying this crazy show but I don't want to know about things before they happen. I have something to look forward to this week. 

[aradia22]

I don't feel like this show is a good way to launch yourself to social media stardom. That said, I don't know why anyone is that interested in contestants on the Bachelor/Bachelorette after the show either. To me, with the success of MAFS, the idea is that this could result in a spin off watching your boring life as a couple (which, for the record, I would not watch). And if you really commit to making a go of it, that could result in a lifestyle brand or mommy blogging or that sort of thing. 

[JTMacc99]

On 2/21/2020 at 4:06 PM, aradia22 said:

WHAT!?! This is the first we've heard about Kelly actually not being that physically attracted to Kenny. It's the night before the wedding. You think of him as a friend? Not good.

THIS. Holy crap Kelly. 

Although, that little moment elevated them from afterthought to "well this should be interesting" territory for me. 

 

So where do we leave off here?  We start with "Wedding" number one. Let me put on my director/producer hat and try to figure out why it's these two to start. Because we had the best footage of them fighting, yet she just stands up there and says "Of course I'll marry you!"?  Because he's on the other side, face all contorted before he answers the question?  Honestly, it doesn't matter to me if he says yes or no. I'm not invested in this couple, and am fairly certain it'll be a disaster if they did attempt to be married. So that's probably why they go first on the show. 

The rest of this episode did a nice job of setting up doubt for the other four couples:

• Lauren being sensible about just rushing into marriage now that it's real and right in front of her. And nice work by @jabRI above pointing out the red flag of "never introduced a single boyfriend to her parents ever". Maybe we need more talking by Cameron with his buddies for one of them to point that out to him.
• Barnett trying to reconcile "Feelings" with "practical."  I mean, he's an engineer. And he's a young man. For as much as he came off as a player in the pods, now out in real life you can see him just trying to put logic to all of the things he feels about Amber. He probably actually does love her, and I believe him when he says it's just easy with her. So of course he's trying to problem solve his way around those feelings when combined with, "uh, she should probably get a job."
• Kelly (See Above. Yikes.)
• And then there is Mark and Jessica. Ugh. Mark is absolutely refusing to allow Jessica to sabotage their relationship. (Been there buddy! Spoiler: She's just going to come up with crazier reasons until you're fighting imaginary demons.) Please let her just say no and let him gain a little wisdom that most 24 year-old people don't have.

[LuvMyShows]

On 2/21/2020 at 5:25 PM, 2727 said:

My conspiracy theory is that production got tired of viewers watching wine levels to gauge how much franken-editing was happening.

There was a scene where Amber and Barnett were cooking and I kept watching the time on the stove.  It appeared accurate, having gone from 7:53 to 8:03 or so as they talked.

[DearEvette]

On 2/21/2020 at 4:06 PM, aradia22 said:

Is it just me or does it seem like production has given all of the guys the same paper rose petals to scatter around?

My husband says they look like paper salami slices.

Damian, if you have to throw in special, over-the-top events like helicopter rides in cocktail attire to keep your love strong after two whole weeks, then y'all are not gonna go the distance.

Barnett is responding to Amber's craziness.  It feels like he is more enamored of her ability to abrogate real life responsibility than he is really thinking of what marriage would be in real life. 

On 2/21/2020 at 7:05 AM, SayMyName said:

I just want to know how much the cup company paid to have their whole product line featured in this show.

By the time we got to Lauren & Cameron's date we were making bets on how soon the cups would make their appearance.

The treehouse date was hands down the best one. Also liked seeing them joking with each other, referring to themselves as Cleo and Caesar. And even joking about the damned wine cups.

On 2/21/2020 at 4:06 PM, aradia22 said:

Lauren's hair was looking GORGEOUS in that scene. The high pony, the braids, the baby curls. I was distracted by how perfect her hair looked. I wonder if she was testing wedding looks. 

I know right?  Her hair was laid!  Also, Lauren girl you better not fuck this up for me!!  Your reservations are making me nervous.  Also you made Cameron cry and not in the 'we are crying together' loving way.

I really liked Cameron's convo with his friends.  I liked the friends talking heads.  It is interesting to hear something about them at is from a different perspective. 

My husband,  bless his heart, was concerned that the women weren't wearing seatbelts on the stripper bus.  Also I love that the women had a stripper bus while the guys were at some shcmancy art studio.

Oookay Kelly.  You are friend-zoning your fiance the night before your wedding.  For a brief shining moment K&K were interesting.  But they've sunk back into bland-ville.

I have no words for drunk Jessica.  She and Mark are a case study in self delusion.

Final shallow note:  Gia and Damian's officiant's make-up was lit!

Edited February 29, 2020 by DearEvette

[Empress1]

On 2/21/2020 at 4:06 PM, aradia22 said:

Jessica: Surely my friends will say something about the age difference!

Marissa and Ashley: Nah, we're cool with it. 

Me: 🤣

Me too. I liked that Ashley was naming other couples with a big age gap where the woman was older. There was a brief moment when Jessica said "here's the thing" where Marissa got a look on her face like "aw, damn, what now?" I wondered if Jessica has been the dramatic friend in the group, particularly given what she said about never experiencing a man being emotionally unavailable.

On 2/22/2020 at 3:57 PM, Racj82 said:

Now we know the real reason Kelly and Kenny haven't had sex yet. If she is still feeling friend vibes now, I don't know where they can go but marriage ain't it.

Yeah. There has been talk about this on the Married at First Sight boards (not this season, but in general). When you are dating someone, there's usually a point past which if you don't feel like you want to sleep with a person, you're not going to get there. If Kelly has friend-zoned him at this point, I don't think they have a shot. Maybe they could walk away from marriage but not the relationship and give it time to grow?

On 2/21/2020 at 4:06 PM, aradia22 said:

Lauren's hair was looking GORGEOUS in that scene. The high pony, the braids, the baby curls. I was distracted by how perfect her hair looked. I wonder if she was testing wedding looks. 

It looked amazing. Her face was beat too. 

I have no interest in having that kind of wild stripper bachelorette party, especially the day before the wedding. Puffy eyes in the wedding photos is not the look. I would rather have had the guys' event, although I did go to a drag bar for a bachelorette one time (it was like a month before the wedding - none of the bachelorette parties I've been to have been the day before the wedding). I did like that they had their real friends there. When Lauren said "I've been praying for my man and now he's here and I'm like 'oh shit,'" I died. 

I was embarrassed watching Jessica slurring like that. Amber looking at her like "You are a disaster" made me laugh.

I liked Cameron's friends, especially the one who did the talking head. It was interesting to hear from him that Lauren is apparently his type.

[aradia22]

Quote

I wondered if Jessica has been the dramatic friend in the group, particularly given what she said about never experiencing a man being emotionally unavailable.

Jessica is definitely that girl who thinks she's the Carrie. 

[the-grey-lady]

Watching Jessica slur and stumble all over Amber, assuring her much-less-drunk rival that she's soooooo happy for her and Barnett and that she just loooooves Mark was seriously cringeworthy. I had to look away.

[hokeypokeyFOIA]

There are few scenes that make me sit up in an empty room and say OH MY GOD NO NO NO NO out loud, but Jessica's drunkenly getting into Amber's face and Amber threatening physical violence over someone she's known for barely a month ... that did it

This was so many levels of bad, the best kind of bad

Edited March 4, 2020 by hokeypokeyFOIA

[islandgal140]

On 3/2/2020 at 4:18 PM, Empress1 said:

I liked Cameron's friends, especially the one who did the talking head. It was interesting to hear from him that Lauren is apparently his type.

Yes, but what I loved most was that there was no mention of race. Just that Cam liked artsy classy ladies. Loved it!!!

 

 

[beaker73]

On 2/27/2020 at 8:16 PM, LuvMyShows said:

There was a scene where Amber and Barnett were cooking and I kept watching the time on the stove.  It appeared accurate, having gone from 7:53 to 8:03 or so as they talked.

Ha! I did the exact same thing. 

[Pepper Mostly]

On 2/23/2020 at 1:51 PM, Ms Blue Jay said:

I don't really get the big deal about giving up her place.  If she wants to keep it, let her keep it.  Is that bad?  I'm sure a lot of wealthy couples have more than one property.

I don't get it either. Its a tiny studio and she said she works there, right? No big whoop. Every woman should have a room of her own!

On 3/2/2020 at 4:18 PM, Empress1 said:

Me too. I liked that Ashley was naming other couples with a big age gap where the woman was older. There was a brief moment when Jessica said "here's the thing" where Marissa got a look on her face like "aw, damn, what now?" I wondered if Jessica has been the dramatic friend in the group, particularly given what she said about never experiencing a man being emotionally unavailable.

Oh, you know that Jessica is the dramatic one in every group. At work. Among her friends. In her family. Riding the bus across town. Everything is a crisis and everything is Big Deal and everything has to be talked over, hashed out, discussed, ad infinitum. 

[Zuleikha]

WHAT!?! This is the first we've heard about Kelly actually not being that physically attracted to Kenny. It's the night before the wedding. You think of him as a friend? Not good.

Yeah, I was shocked that this storyline didn't come up in more detail before.

I was also shocked that she said she couldn't take her eyes off Barnett. Barnett? Really? He's obviously not ugly, but he just seems pleasantly fine. 

[Ilovepie]

On 3/10/2020 at 5:17 PM, Zuleikha said:

Yeah, I was shocked that this storyline didn't come up in more detail before.

Even the show was bored by those two. It was almost like, “Oh yeah, Kenny and Kelly! We better give them a plot before the wedding happens! Eh, just stick that convo in and call it good.” Seriously, how has this not come up before now? Everything up to this point they were fine and lovey dovey!

[Irlandesa]

On 2/23/2020 at 4:55 PM, Neurochick said:

I get Lauren, she loves Cameron but she's never lived with anybody before, she's afraid she'll lose herself in Cameron.  It's a case of 'be careful what you wish for, you might get it.'

I was very much feeling her.   She lives alone and seems very independent.  I think she may have even downplayed a bit what an introvert she is. She probably went on the show  to build her brand and why not?  That's mostly what these shows are actually good for.  The idea that it'd actually result in her meeting someone was likely a ridiculous notion to her more practical side. But then she ends up connecting with someone who is 100% all in and there's an internal struggle between the "all in" side of things and "this is nuts" side of things.

I happened to notice that Jessica's dog seemed to prefer Mark.  She was with him while he ate.  She was with him while they talked.  He only went into the next room when he went in to talk to Jessica.  

 

[Blakeston]

On 3/22/2020 at 12:45 AM, Ilovepie said:

Even the show was bored by those two. It was almost like, “Oh yeah, Kenny and Kelly! We better give them a plot before the wedding happens! Eh, just stick that convo in and call it good.” Seriously, how has this not come up before now? Everything up to this point they were fine and lovey dovey!

My guess is that they

 

 

 

1

Spoiler

didn't want to show any of the early conversations where Kelly made it clear to Kenny that she didn't feel a romantic spark, and that she had no interest in marrying him, because the producers felt it would ruin the 'will they or won't they" suspense of the wedding.

 

[tinkerbell]

On 3/2/2020 at 7:09 PM, the-grey-lady said:

Watching Jessica slur and stumble all over Amber, assuring her much-less-drunk rival that she's soooooo happy for her and Barnett and that she just loooooves Mark was seriously cringeworthy. I had to look away.

Jessica kept referring to "your dude"  and "my fiance",  to make sure she didn't accidentally say the wrong name.  

Gia sometimes looks like Drew Barrymore.  

[Ilovepie]

@Blakeston you might be right, but they got a goldmine out of Jessica and Mark with that plot. Maybe that is why they didn't bother with K&K - they are more boring and that slot had already been filled? It seems like they just decided to ignore them almost completely until the end.

[Lunula]

Lauren calling Jessica, “Messica” was everything.

[DawnDavenport]

On 2/21/2020 at 2:06 PM, aradia22 said:

Jessica and Amber had big Showgirls: Drunk Girl Edition vibes. Like Nomi and Crystal but both super wasted. So much awkward petting.

"I used to love doggy chow too!"