S08.E04: Strangers in Paradise

[aphroditewitch]

5 hours ago, Carolynne said:

AJ and Stephanie: I love their attitude. AJ is no prize but Stephanie seems to really like him, which is great. They are cute so far but I cannot stand his constant jokes at all. However, in the long run, I think Stephanie is just too classy and too hot for him. I think he will do something boorish and gross like he did with the strippers, or he will be constantly drunk, and then he will complain she is too uptight.  Plus he was so clearly drunk in his wedding, tripping and stuttering. I would have run away and not look back before the I do's. 

 

I think AJ and Stephanie have potential depending on how much he drinks and his temperament during arguments or confrontations . If he is getting drunk all the time, it will be a problem. If not Stephanie might try to go past the 8 weeks. Also if AJ has an anger problem, I think Stephanie will be done because I don't think she wants that in her marriage. 

 

Quote

Luke and Kate: Luke acts like he is better than everyone, reminding me of Dave last season. The only time he has been excited was with the sloths. MAybe he moves like them in a relationship? But why wasn't Kate more excited about animals? They were so cute! And she had a sour face on all the time in the sanctuary. Really? And for me personally, smoking would be a deal breaker, and I would be really angry if partner had just decided not to tell the experts about that. Luke's comment next week seems SO bad, but maybe there is a kind-of explanation for it? Maybe she tastes like cigarettes and that's why it's repulsive? I don't know, but if he really said that, then he is scum either way. God. 

I think Kate was sour at the sanctuary because Luke barely engaged with her. It was supposed to be an activity where they were getting to know each other and he was closed off because he has already decided he doesn't like her. As far as the smoking, it would depend on how long before the kiss she had the last cigarette. If she is indeed as she says just a social smoker, then it shouldn't have been a cigarette taste at that point.  Either way, he never should have said it and his comment seems to go further than just disliking a cigarette taste and seems to be about attacking her as a person. 

[Gem 10]

8 hours ago, athousandclowns said:

Then work it out and not involve a woman in the charade. Today a woman needs to  be on board with the arrangement. 

If he’s  on this show to promote his business he’s sure not showing himself in a good light. 

You are sooo right.  A very close relative of mine is gay and won’t come out.  She looks it, she acts like she is, never married, etc. etc.  I think it might be because she has a very important job.  Whatever the reason, that’s her prerogative  and everyone in the family respects it.  So, not all people want to come out for different reasons, and that’s o.k. In my book.  It’s her life.

[Kdawg82]

Dear Kate,

Smoke 'em if ya got 'em! This dude is nothing but stress despite his calm, fake charming demeanor. At this point, you should do all you can to turn him off and make him suffer the eight weeks or whatever it is. Smoke, go to bed dirty, hang a poster with a sloth and an "x" through it. Go out to dinner with your friend on the weekend and DON'T LOOK BACK! Let him leave you and you can say "IDGAF."

Sorry, this guy makes me angsty. 

I smoked at one point too, for ten years, then quit. My husband doesn't mind it though he never smoked in his life. We both actually like the smell of smoke (weird I know) but I quit as a personal choice and wouldn't do it again until maybe I'm 80 years old. 

I don't really understand the stigma around smoking- if it's away from the general public.- Cigarettes or otherwise. The only thing I care about is keeping my kids safe from it- so that includes 2nd and 3rd hand smoke. Most public establishments are either no smoking or have designated areas so that's all I can expect at this point. There are worse things like opiate addictions etc that don't leave a stench and are bad in many other ways. 

Puke may be staunch anti smoking but I'm more of the staunch anti- asshole mind. So, tit for tat.

[Stinamaia]

21 minutes ago, Kdawg82 said:

Dear Kate,

Smoke 'em if ya got 'em! This dude is nothing but stress despite his calm, fake charming demeanor. At this point, you should do all you can to turn him off and make him suffer the eight weeks or whatever it is. Smoke, go to bed dirty, hang a poster with a sloth and an "x" through it. Go out to dinner with your friend on the weekend and DON'T LOOK BACK! Let him leave you and you can say "IDGAF."

Sorry, this guy makes me angsty. 

I smoked at one point too, for ten years, then quit. My husband doesn't mind it though he never smoked in his life. We both actually like the smell of smoke (weird I know) but I quit as a personal choice and wouldn't do it again until maybe I'm 80 years old. 

I don't really understand the stigma around smoking- if it's away from the general public.- Cigarettes or otherwise. The only thing I care about is keeping my kids safe from it- so that includes 2nd and 3rd hand smoke. Most public establishments are either no smoking or have designated areas so that's all I can expect at this point. There are worse things like opiate addictions etc that don't leave a stench and are bad in many other ways. 

Puke may be staunch anti smoking but I'm more of the staunch anti- asshole mind. So, tit for tat.

Love!  

 I smoked and quit for personal reasons, but while I was smoking I dated a some men who didn’t. They didn’t like smoking, but didn’t treat me badly because they liked me. I have a friend who was a social smoker and married a man who didn’t like it. She never had another cigarette. Another friend married a man who didn’t want her to smoke, and she didn’t quit until she kept getting pneumonia. After having two babies. 

What I’ve learned though seeing many relationships is that some men will behave terribly toward a woman because they want the woman to end it so they won’t look like the bad guy. Sadly, most women hang in there trying to fix things, so the guy is crueler than he would have been if he just called it off.  So I looovvve your advice to Kate. Beat Luke at his own game. :D

[Neurochick]

I think Luke is a jerk, I don't think he's into Kate.  If I were a man I wouldn't be into Kate either.  I can't stand her voice, she sounds like a baby drunk, and I'd never date a man who smokes.  

I think there is something wrong with AJ.

I think Will and Jasmine will be able to work through the gender thing (I hope they do).  A lot of people idealize their parents marriage.  Jasmine has to realize that things have changed since her parents married.  If her dad is around my age (59), he probably didn't have five or six figure student loans when he finished college, if he had any loans at all.  Wages weren't frozen the way they are now, you could get more bang for your buck, also, people didn't have as much shit, that costs money, as they have now (cell phones, WiFi, computers, cable subscriptions, etc), it's a different world.

[Jax7917]

18 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

I think Luke is a jerk, I don't think he's into Kate.  If I were a man I wouldn't be into Kate either.  I can't stand her voice, she sounds like a baby drunk, and I'd never date a man who smokes.  

I think there is something wrong with AJ.

I think Will and Jasmine will be able to work through the gender thing (I hope they do).  A lot of people idealize their parents marriage.  Jasmine has to realize that things have changed since her parents married.  If her dad is around my age (59), he probably didn't have five or six figure student loans when he finished college, if he had any loans at all.  Wages weren't frozen the way they are now, you could get more bang for your buck, also, people didn't have as much shit, that costs money, as they have now (cell phones, WiFi, computers, cable subscriptions, etc), it's a different world.

Agreed. When I complain to my mom about how salaries and the cost of living isn't comparable, she says, "when dad started working he was making less than $20,000. Salaries are relative to the generation and cost of living." I disagree with that for the reason you stated. There are A LOT  more bills that we have now than they did then and these bills are not cheap ones. I live in NYC and everyone thinks people make great salaries here, but houses where I live start at $600,000 and they're usually shacks that need to be fully redone. It's a tough time to live financially, and you definitely need at least 2 salaries in most cases.

[aphroditewitch]

17 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

  A lot of people idealize their parents marriage.  Jasmine has to realize that things have changed since her parents married.  If her dad is around my age (59), he probably didn't have five or six figure student loans when he finished college, if he had any loans at all.  Wages weren't frozen the way they are now, you could get more bang for your buck, also, people didn't have as much shit, that costs money, as they have now (cell phones, WiFi, computers, cable subscriptions, etc), it's a different world.

What world was that? People have always had shit that costs money. It was just different, cell phones have for many people replaced their landline. Wages are stagnant because employers have been allowed to get away with it while expenses like rent skyrocket. People graduate with a ton of debt and then may of the available jobs pay scandalously low wages. It is easy to make fun of someone like Keith who makes little and lives with a relative, but it is a situation that a lot of people live in. I can't comment on Philly but I know that in here in Chicagoland  a lot of people struggle to afford rent even with a roommate. 

[cardigirl]

2 minutes ago, Jaclyn88 said:

Agreed. When I complain to my mom about how salaries and the cost of living isn't comparable, she says, "when dad started working he was making less than $20,000. Salaries are relative to the generation and cost of living." I disagree with that for the reason you stated. There are A LOT  more bills that we have now than they did then and these bills are not cheap ones. I live in NYC and everyone thinks people make great salaries here, but houses where I live start at $600,000 and they're usually shacks that need to be fully redone. It's a tough time to live financially, and you definitely need at least 2 salaries in most cases.

I do think housing may take a great percentage of your paycheck, but I also think we just expect to have more stuff.  Like personal computers or laptops, cell phones, tablets, big screen tvs, gadgets for the kitchen and the house, vacations, gym memberships, two or three cars, etc.  I really think that our expectations of what our lives need have expanded as well. Wages have not kept up with the increases to a certain extent, but the desire to own stuff has really grown. 

[humbleopinion]

Perpetual babying by the females of his family will be a problem with Keith...he's been given tender loving care of by his family...and has the expectations that his wife will do the same.

Why "the experts" matched him for Kristine is cruel to Keith...he is the baby about to be thrown out with the bathwater...

Kristine has no time to be mothering... grandmothering Keith when he works a shift at the dialysis center...he better be making his own breakfast, packing his own lunch and be watching youtube on how to cook dinner for her...

Kristine probably works a 16 hour day with her real estate business and it would be best if she just works through dinner so Keith can go to his grandmother's table for dinner and she doesn't have to face his sad eyes looking at a empty plate...

The energy level of this couple is a big mismatch.

What would be a fairy tale ending is Keith getting his real estate license and joining her but that is so far fetched because I do not even see him him getting off the couch.

[gonecrackers]

I don't believe Luke has issues with Kate due to her style or even the smoke. He just doesn't like her, period. It may have been that she didn't recognize him right away, or that he remembered her from his speed dating event & already knew she wasn't what he wanted. Frankly, I'm surprised Kate is happy about Luke given he obviously didn't make a big impression on her at the event, but maybe she was at least going to try.

I do think her smoking was probably stress from the situation, & possibly from his attitude, but I will always hate that she lied about it during the matching as that is a big deal for many.

I thought Kate's dress at the event with the other couples was fine. In fact, I felt she looked much nicer than Jasmine, who had her saggy boobage hanging out which was not flattering to her at all & inappropriate for the event.

Edited January 18, 2019 by gonecrackers

[Neurochick]

1 hour ago, aphroditewitch said:

What world was that? People have always had shit that costs money. It was just different, cell phones have for many people replaced their landline. Wages are stagnant because employers have been allowed to get away with it while expenses like rent skyrocket. People graduate with a ton of debt and then may of the available jobs pay scandalously low wages. It is easy to make fun of someone like Keith who makes little and lives with a relative, but it is a situation that a lot of people live in. I can't comment on Philly but I know that in here in Chicagoland  a lot of people struggle to afford rent even with a roommate. 

When I finished college, my loan debt was 3 figures.  In 1984, when I moved into my own apartment (in NYC BTW) my wages were enough to pay my rent and bills, most people I knew didn't have a ton of student loan debt because college was do-able on a working class salary, people used to be able to work their way through college.  No one had WiFI, computers, cable TV charges, etc.  I remember when I first got cable in 1992, it was $20 a month.  I had a VCR, I didn't even have an answering machine, or a gym membership, or HDTV's, or any number of gadgets people have today that cost a pretty penny.  

I said the same thing about wages, they have been frozen for decades.  I never said anything about Keith so I don't know why you brought him up, Jasmine's husband is Will.   My point was that when Jasmine's parents were younger, things were different.

Edited January 18, 2019 by Neurochick

[aphroditewitch]

1 minute ago, Neurochick said:

When I finished college, my loan debt was 3 figures.  In 1984, when I moved into my own apartment (in NYC BTW) my wages were enough to pay my rent and bills, most people I knew didn't have a ton of student loan debt because college was do-able on a working class salary, people used to be able to work their way through college.  No one had WiFI, computers, cable TV charges, etc.  I remember when I first got cable in 1992, it was $20 a month.  I had a VCR, I didn't even have an answering machine.  

I said the same thing about wages, they have been frozen for decades.  I never said anything about Keith either.  My point was that when Jasmine's parents were younger, things were different.

My family had cable in the 1980s, so people definitely had that bill at the time, it was just cheaper. We also had a computer but no internet in the 1980s, we didn't get internet until the 1990s. While cable is not a necessity, in 2019 having internet access and a device are necessities. Can you live without them? Maybe but you are going to have a hard time finding employment, applying for a mortgage, and other activities. I have a friend who several years ago got her first smartphone because she was losing out on job interviews because she wasn't able to respond back to emails quickly enough without one if she wasn't home. Things that were considered luxuries in the 1980s or even a decade ago are increasingly things you need to own. 

I mentioned Keith because his situation is the result of wages being crappy and housing being increasingly unaffordable. 

[Neurochick]

2 minutes ago, aphroditewitch said:

My family had cable in the 1980s, so people definitely had that bill at the time, it was just cheaper. We also had a computer but no internet in the 1980s, we didn't get internet until the 1990s. While cable is not a necessity, in 2019 having internet access and a device are necessities. Can you live without them? Maybe but you are going to have a hard time finding employment, applying for a mortgage, and other activities. I have a friend who several years ago got her first smartphone because she was losing out on job interviews because she wasn't able to respond back to emails quickly enough without one if she wasn't home. Things that were considered luxuries in the 1980s or even a decade ago are increasingly things you need to own. 

This is what I was trying to say.  If Jasmine's dad is my age, then he probably didn't have all the costs that are necessities today.  Cable, internet access and devices.  They weren't necessities in 1984.  I pay for a lot more stuff today than I did in the 1980's.  That's why Jasmine's attitudes are unrealistic IMO.  

And you're correct about Keith.  Wages are crappy and housing is unaffordable.

[configdotsys]

I haven't read all the comments yet but believe that the experts put Luke and Kate together because they needed at least one couple that was going to go off the rails and get attention for the show. So far, the couples seem to be getting along and if these two were like the others, many would think they have no reason to watch because it's boring watching people ride ATVs and eat breakfast, and walk on a treadmill. I don't want to sit through these desperate people who are sickeningly fascinated with saying, "My husband..." "My wife...." over and over again and cooing like 14 year olds because they scored a spouse. I just can't with the gooey, gushy stuff. 

The smoking comments here surprised me because Kate said she smokes once in a while and only while out with friends. It didn't sound to me as though she smokes daily or even weekly, just an odd time here and there like many men will have a cigar at a bachelor party or whatever. I think smoking is gross too but Luke was a dick to her well before that conversation. If he wanted out, he could have used that right there to walk away. I was put off by her saying, "But if you don't want me to do it, I won't do it ever again." Fuck that. You stop for yourself. If you want a cigarette every once in a while with friends that is fine but just realize that for many that is a dealbreaker and you won't be a match with someone who abhors smoking. 

I was so thoroughly disgusted that TWO of the couples used the phrase "happy wife, happy life." That phrase drives me crazy. No one in a relationship should have to continually suck it up and do things that they don't like or believe are unfair to ask just to keep "her" happy because if you don't, she'll make your life hell. I'm not talking about occasionally watching some movie that you have no interest in or going somewhere you'd rather not go. I'm talking about people who expect to be catered to and believe that their presence is contribution enough. 

I liked Will and Jasmine until she expressed surprise that bill paying is a joint effort and she doesn't expect to pay her share. The most common thing couples fight over is money. Will should run away. They are not a match on this huge issue.

[SabineElisabeth]

IMO, Kate is one of the prettiest girls to be on this show so far and has a very attractive figure, as well.  And I thought she ROCKED that wedding dress.  Then, she opens her mouth and Lord help, that "voice."  More than once I did a double take and re-wound to see if she actually was as drunk as she sounded.  Because, for the record, that girl sounds shit-faced.  A lot.

If Jasmine and Will are compatible otherwise, I see their differences in opinion on gender roles just shaking out naturally.  Not because either reconsiders, but because of reality - as I really doubt Will can meet Jasmine's expectations in this area, even if he were so inclined.  And, putting aside my personal opinion on the topic, I was rather underwhelmed generally by the, ummmmm, intellect displayed by Jasmine (and Will, to some extent) as they were offering their respective thoughts on the matter.  On the whole, these two are boring me so far.

I agree with Keith that The Princess at least has some personality, but what he calls spunk seems to me like a bit of immaturity.  Nothing specific that makes me think that, but that's my initial impression of her and if accurate, seems a bit worrisome for their marriage.

Speaking of first impressions, I thought Stephanie was going to be boring to slightly unlikable, but she is turning out to be kind of an enigma to me, so far.  Try as I might, I can't quite wrap my brain around the idea that she's as into AJ as she appears.  And to be clear, if she really is that into him, I can't even begin to wrap my brain around WHY.  Dude seems more or less harmless, in that he's not mean (unlike YOU, Luke), doesn't have a hidden agenda (yes, still taking to YOU, Luke), and so on....but he makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable through my tv, so I can't imagine taking the full impact of AJ, live and in person.  In any case, I have to agree with AJ when he said that Stephanie has been a class act in how she's treating him (unlike YOU, Luke).

Luke - There is no possible way I could care any less what your sexual orientation is, although I am sincerely surprised by how many antiquated and IMHO, ridiculous, stereotypes of gay men apparently are still abounding out there.  I'm just sorry that anyone, ever, has to be subjected to your arrogant, smirking, smug, self-absorbed asshole self.

Edited January 18, 2019 by SabineElisabeth

[Yeah No]

On 1/16/2019 at 10:46 AM, Neurochick said:

Whoa, I better wear a burka then, God forbid I offend people with my "thick" arms.

 

On 1/16/2019 at 10:57 AM, aphroditewitch said:

So? If a person wants to show their arms, they can. No one has to look at them. 

I guess I should have closed my eyes when she was baring them, because I personally didn't find her arms at all attractive.  YMMV, we don't have to agree.  BTW, my own arms are what I consider too fat and unattractive to bare too, so it's not like I'm some picture of arm perfection or anything.  I think Jasmine's a lovely person, perhaps a little conflicted on gender roles, but my personal fashion tastes are somewhat different from hers.  I didn't find her wedding gown at all attractive on her, especially those arm bands that only accentuated her arms.

[gonecrackers]

1 hour ago, configdotsys said:

The smoking comments here surprised me because Kate said she smokes once in a while and only while out with friends. It didn't sound to me as though she smokes daily or even weekly, just an odd time here and there like many men will have a cigar at a bachelor party or whatever. I think smoking is gross too but Luke was a dick to her well before that conversation. If he wanted out, he could have used that right there to walk away. I was put off by her saying, "But if you don't want me to do it, I won't do it ever again." Fuck that. You stop for yourself. If you want a cigarette every once in a while with friends that is fine but just realize that for many that is a dealbreaker and you won't be a match with someone who abhors smoking. 

The point is she lied about it during the matchmaking process. They are trying to find her a suitable match as a mate for life (presumably), & as you mentioned, smoking in any amount can be a deal breaker. It's something the 'experts' should've known about. She lied as a means to an end & that sucks. Imagine if they had actually found her a decent guy, but even the smell makes him very sick (it does for me) - well, she could've blown it for herself right then. Maybe she smoked there due to stress, but given she described it as a "bad habit", it's something her match would've had to deal with at some point most likely, & it may not be so easy to quit even if it's just social.

Regardless, in the end she should've just been honest. They could've found her a match who was cool with it, or, she could've lost her big shot at this shit show & her Lukewarm prize. IMO, Kate is no real prize herself, but of course doesn't deserve to be treated badly either. I want Luke to answer for the "repulsed" comment, because even if she does repulse him that's not okay to say to someone, ever.

Edited January 18, 2019 by gonecrackers

[Yeah No]

On 1/16/2019 at 1:55 PM, Kdawg82 said:

I find it so sad that Joan Rivers *of allll te surgeries she had in life* insisted on covering her arms. She had a thing about never showing them. I guess there wasn't a surgery for it. Folks should be proud of the body God gave them. At age 14 /15 I was hanging out with two girlfriends and they were talking about all their boyfriends or whatever and I never had a guy even like me so I felt down .To end off their convo , one told me I had "chubby arms." I went home crying. I was always fit and active and not at all chubby.  F the haters! Be you, people! Be proud! One life, one body! Take care of it and it'll take care of you.  

A lot of older women, myself included, don't bare their arms because they don't feel they're thin and attractive enough anymore.  I can personally vouch for the fact that Joan Rivers did expose her arms when she was young because I've been watching her on an ancient talk show of hers from 50 years ago where she most certainly did.  But when women get older, heavier, etc. a LOT of them don't feel comfortable letting everything hang out like they did when they were young.  Our society is very judgmental about age and weight and I personally would not blame any woman for covering them.  I personally suffer from hereditary edema in my lower legs that came on with age and weight, so I no longer wear skirts.  I would be MORTIFIED because you just don't see women walking around with fat ankles like that and if they do they usually have given up on looking at all attractive and wear nothing but sweats anyway.  I'm just not that woman.  I don't ever go out of the house without some makeup.  That's just me.  I'm personally not in favor of everyone letting everything hang out no matter how unattractive the rest of the world sees it.  I think that's a slippery slope because it's easy to go from there to walking around like a mess and not taking care of one's appearance at all.

[LuvMyShows]

12 hours ago, Carolynne said:

If I were an expert, my top three questions to the participants would be: 1) Do you want kids and when? 2) What do you think about gender roles? 3) What kind of expectations do you have for the future (travelling, buying a house, moving abroad, staying home every night together doing nothing, starting a new firm, taking care of a lot of pets... anything big). What would your top three matchmaking criteria be? 

Oh, I forgot to mention that I really like the fact that not all participants are size 0. Jasmine and Kate are both gorgeous, and AJ and Keith don't want to exercise all the time. 

This, both paragraphs.

[Empress1]

28 minutes ago, SabineElisabeth said:

And I thought she ROCKED that wedding dress. 

My only issue with her wedding dress (and it's about the dress itself, not Kate) was that the illusion netting was too dark for her skin, especially in the back. I doubt anything could be done about it on such short notice (I don't think the dress needed it at all, especially in the back, so had there been time for alterations I'd have gotten rid of it if possible), but I noticed it and it was bugging me. (Black women have had issues with matching "nude" things to our skin for ages, so I always notice stuff like that.)

28 minutes ago, SabineElisabeth said:

Try as I might, I can't quite wrap my brain around the idea that she's as into AJ as she appears.  And to be clear, if she really is that into him, I can't even begin to wrap my brain around WHY.  Dude seems more or less harmless, in that he's not mean (unlike YOU, Luke), doesn't have a hidden agenda (yes, still taking to YOU, Luke), and so on....but he makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable through my tv, so I can't imagine taking the full impact of AJ, live and in person.  In any case, I have to agree with AJ when he said that Stephanie so far has been a class act in how she's treating him (unlike YOU, Luke).

I think Stephanie has been very honest about her desire to just be married already and so far, to your point, AJ is pretty harmless and she hasn't come across anything she can't work with in service of being married. He doesn't have a gym rat body but most people don't; his brand of annoying (and I do think he's annoying) is a brand she doesn't mind as much, etc. She also seems kind of high-energy herself, so I think someone who is more staid (e.g. Will) would be a worse match for her than someone like AJ.

Quote

If I were an expert, my top three questions to the participants would be: 1) Do you want kids and when? 2) What do you think about gender roles? 3) What kind of expectations do you have for the future (travelling, buying a house, moving abroad, staying home every night together doing nothing, starting a new firm, taking care of a lot of pets... anything big). What would your top three matchmaking criteria be? 

I really like this question!

• What kind of income do you want to have and how will it be earned? (That opens up a conversation about who works, how much, and doing what, and can also open up a conversation about where you'll live - if your match is a farmer and you're in NYC, that's something you'll have to figure out.)
• Gotta ask about kids and gotta put a timeline on it, because there's no room for compromise there. You can't have half a kid and entering into a relationship on different sides of that issue hoping someone will change their mind is a fool's errand.
• I would probably ask about politics, because there are some political views that I just cannot and will not accept.

[Yeah No]

On 1/16/2019 at 6:10 PM, silverspoons said:

I think Jasmine thinks a a modern women is one that can choose anything, including stay at home mom or career women. I went to a seven sister all women's college. It was all about getting women the best education. I have classmates that became doctors and got into some of the best residencies and then decided to stay at home with their kids for years. The power was in having the ability to choose and the knowledge that no matter what happens (divorce, death) you can take care of yourself. 

I guess I do not understand about the money and bills. I can get that when you are in the first 8 weeks and filming, money should be handled like before the show. Once the couples really commit (who knows when that is because it seems some say yes on decision day yet break up a few weeks later, maybe because they get extra $$ for saying yes?) they need to figure out the budget and bills. Maybe it is just me but if you are committed, to a lifetime with someone , your goals should be long term and together. It is hard to think that if a couple is married 40-50 years that there are not going to be times that one of them is not working, job loss, illness, accidents, kids, deaths, taking care of sick parents or children. When a serious life event happens what do you say, Hey honey, your mom died and you took 2 weeks off of work so this month I will let you slide on your part of the mortgage? I guess it is because I love my husband so much, when he had a serious  accident and could not work, all I did was worry about his health, not the loss of income and when I was on bedrest, he worried about me and the baby, not the money. Our deal is as long as all the bills are paid and we have the amount we need in savings, retirement etc, we don't question each other purchases, my husband is happy when I feel good and get my hair done and I;m happy when he gets a new part for his bike and enjoys riding it.

I agree, and this is relevant in my own life where an accident and illness plus the subsequent job loss made me unable to contribute what I used to to our household.  My husband isn't keeping a ledger somewhere of the "debt" I incurred while unable to work.  He knows I have his back and have had his back many times and in many ways over the years.  We don't keep a balance sheet to keep track of what each of us is paying at any given time.  Over almost 40 years things have changed a LOT, and at some times I was supporting HIM, paying for his health insurance, etc.  So I just think that seeing how insistent Will seemed to be about splitting everything "down the middle" seemed like a tightwad answer, not the answer of an enlightened male that understands that it's not realistic nor even fair for things to be completely 50-50 between any couple at any given time.  If a wife stays home with kids, that's one time it can't be 50-50.  If one of them gets sick and can't work, that's another time it can't be 50-50.  If one of them makes a lot more than the other I would HOPE he wouldn't insist on things being 50-50.  I think Jasmine was thinking about all that stuff and he wasn't, which to me shows how unrealistic HE is, and quite possibly a selfish tightwad to boot.

[seacliffsal]

Regarding Kate and her smoking-a lot of people downplay how much they do something.  Oh, I only smoke occasionally; I social drink, etc.  Now, they may really only partake occasionally or they may be more dependent than they want to admit (i.e. I smoke like a chimney but don't want you to know; I am constantly drunk but don't want to admit it).  Of course it's Kate decision as to whether or not she wants to smoke, but she purposefully didn't tell the "experts" (and if it's only social/occasional, why not quit before getting married to a "stranger"?).  She may be doing the same on camera-downplaying how much she smokes.  Nevertheless, it's not her smoking that Luke doesn't like (IMO), but he commented on it and obviously feels free to comment on other things (regarding her coffee drinking "obviously you don't believe in moderation"-what a jerk he was to say that!).  Now my bad self is going to be exposed-if Luke doesn't like smoking I think Kate should smoke every day, all day...

[Empress1]

Just now, seacliffsal said:

Regarding Kate and her smoking-a lot of people downplay how much they do something.  Oh, I only smoke occasionally; I social drink, etc.  Now, they may really only partake occasionally or they may be more dependent than they want to admit (i.e. I smoke like a chimney but don't want you to know; I am constantly drunk but don't want to admit it).  Of course it's Kate decision as to whether or not she wants to smoke, but she purposefully didn't tell the "experts" (and if it's only social/occasional, why not quit before getting married to a "stranger"?).  She may be doing the same on camera-downplaying how much she smokes.  Nevertheless, it's not her smoking that Luke doesn't like (IMO), but he commented on it and obviously feels free to comment on other things (regarding her coffee drinking "obviously you don't believe in moderation"-what a jerk he was to say that!).  Now my bad self is going to be exposed-if Luke doesn't like smoking I think Kate should smoke every day, all day...

I had that thought too. When she said she only smoked socially, I thought, well, she's 20something and single, she could be socializing a lot. Plus she works in hotel marketing, which can involve a lot of events - that kind of work sometimes blends social and professional.

[Yeah No]

On 1/16/2019 at 5:17 PM, Crazy Bird Lady said:

But no, that's not what Jasmine wanted. She made that clear when Will said something like, "So... if I pay the mortgage, you'll pay the other bills?" and Jasmine said no, she wanted him to be the man of the house and pay the bills...

Through most of our marriage, my husband has paid "the bills" and I normally paid for everything else, which adds up to at least as much as "the bills" if not more.  I'm talking about groceries, vacations, eating out, clothing, household necessities, health and beauty aids, major and non-major shared purchases, lawn care, furniture, car payments, etc.  "The bills" in our case means the household overhead, like mortgage, cable, electric, not everything extra.  It's hard to tell what Jasmine meant by "the bills".

[Crazy Bird Lady]

17 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

• What kind of income do you want to have and how will it be earned? (That opens up a conversation about who works, how much, and doing what, and can also open up a conversation about where you'll live - if your match is a farmer and you're in NYC, that's something you'll have to figure out.)
• Gotta ask about kids and gotta put a timeline on it, because there's no room for compromise there. You can't have half a kid and entering into a relationship on different sides of that issue hoping someone will change their mind is a fool's errand.
• I would probably ask about politics, because there are some political views that I just cannot and will not accept.

Good screening questions.

I would add: not just politics, but religion. (And no, I *don't* think that all Republicans are hard-core Bible-thumpers or that all Democrats are either atheists or Islamic --so the politics question doesn't cover it.) Many divorces have resulted from religious differences, especially once kids are born into the mix and their parents have very different ideas about what they should be taught to believe (or not to believe).

[Yeah No]

On 1/16/2019 at 11:16 AM, lids said:

I personally think the experts are unfairly blamed for everything, but I will say that physically, I don’t understand why they chose Kate for Luke. Hipster men like hipster women who are thin, wear oversized slouchy clothing and very little to no makeup. Kate is pageant pretty. I just don’t understand where she comes from in a Philly casting. And I’m actually surprised she likes Luke. Do southern belles tend to like douchy east-coast surfing posers? It’s so weird.

This....

On 1/16/2019 at 11:37 AM, qtpye said:

Of course Luke will jump on any hipster bandwagon.

And this....  I think both Luke and Kate want to feel cooler than they do so they both want to be matched with a hipster.  Kate is not one but she wants to be and is in love with the stereotype, and Luke deep down fears being ordinary so he wants a woman that feeds into his fake hipster image of himself.  Which ties into the whole exotic thing, where he likes women he sees as different.  He most of all fears being seen as a "typical white male" so he gravitates to women of other races so no one will ever call him typical, bigoted or just ordinary.  I doubt that anything either of them wants is genuine, so this is one reason they have been so poorly matched.  They both don't like themselves enough to know what they really want and need and so are looking to someone else to give them the "coolness" they either know they don't have or fear they don't have.

Edited January 18, 2019 by Yeah No

[qtpye]

4 hours ago, Neurochick said:

When I finished college, my loan debt was 3 figures.  In 1984, when I moved into my own apartment (in NYC BTW) my wages were enough to pay my rent and bills, most people I knew didn't have a ton of student loan debt because college was do-able on a working class salary, people used to be able to work their way through college.  No one had WiFI, computers, cable TV charges, etc.  I remember when I first got cable in 1992, it was $20 a month.  I had a VCR, I didn't even have an answering machine, or a gym membership, or HDTV's, or any number of gadgets people have today that cost a pretty penny.  

I said the same thing about wages, they have been frozen for decades.  I never said anything about Keith so I don't know why you brought him up, Jasmine's husband is Will.   My point was that when Jasmine's parents were younger, things were different.

When you factor in inflation, the average 2 income American family actually makes less than what they did twenty years ago. College tuition is insane and a college degree is considered bare minimum and no longer makes you special. Employers now get hundreds of online applications for one job opening and can be very picky about even entry level jobs. The Great Recession only made things worse and many people have not caught up.

[Ilovepie]

1 hour ago, Yeah No said:

So I just think that seeing how insistent Will seemed to be about splitting everything "down the middle" seemed like a tightwad answer, not the answer of an enlightened male that understands that it's not realistic nor even fair for things to be completely 50-50 between any couple at any given time.  If a wife stays home with kids, that's one time it can't be 50-50.  If one of them gets sick and can't work, that's another time it can't be 50-50.  If one of them makes a lot more than the other I would HOPE he wouldn't insist on things being 50-50.  I think Jasmine was thinking about all that stuff and he wasn't, which to me shows how unrealistic HE is, and quite possibly a selfish tightwad to boot.

I think it's hard to make assumptions on what the time frame was they were talking about. If Jasmine was thinking that far ahead I agree it's not realistic to expect it to always be 50-50, but when it's a stranger you may or may not be married to for only 8 weeks, I think it's a little premature to expect this "stranger" to pay your bills, and I think that's where Will's alarm comes from. I mean, they just met three days earlier, and now this woman is telling him he has to pay his bills and hers too?!? I don't think that's a conversation for that point in their relationship, or at the very least, the honeymoon. As far as the experiment, I would expect them to split shared expenses evenly unless one person feels like they want to do more if there is a huge disparity in income, but even then I don't think you should be obligated to pay bills for your spouse until the experiment is over.

Also, Jasmine likes to refer to herself as a fierce independent woman, and maybe that's what Will asked for. Now the "fierce independent woman" is telling him he has to be the provider and take care of her. It's definitely confusing to say the least, and I don't think she can have it both ways......

[configdotsys]

2 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

The point is she lied about it during the matchmaking process.

I didn't mention that in my post because it was stated many times in this thread that she shouldn't have lied about it and I thought that was pretty obvious. I also don't think it's particularly relevant to how dickish Luke is because he treated her like dirt before he knew about it. Had he been a nice guy and then got chilly towards her when he found out she has a smoke every once in a while, I could see it being a big issue. If he's that offended, he can tell the producers that she lied on her application or whatever it is that they fill out, and walk away. Or, they can further humiliate her on the show, throw her off and air the humiliation for all to see. 

[Gem 10]

7 hours ago, Kdawg82 said:

Dear Kate,

Smoke 'em if ya got 'em! This dude is nothing but stress despite his calm, fake charming demeanor. At this point, you should do all you can to turn him off and make him suffer the eight weeks or whatever it is. Smoke, go to bed dirty, hang a poster with a sloth and an "x" through it. Go out to dinner with your friend on the weekend and DON'T LOOK BACK! Let him leave you and you can say "IDGAF."

Sorry, this guy makes me angsty. 

I smoked at one point too, for ten years, then quit. My husband doesn't mind it though he never smoked in his life. We both actually like the smell of smoke (weird I know) but I quit as a personal choice and wouldn't do it again until maybe I'm 80 years old. 

I don't really understand the stigma around smoking- if it's away from the general public.- Cigarettes or otherwise. The only thing I care about is keeping my kids safe from it- so that includes 2nd and 3rd hand smoke. Most public establishments are either no smoking or have designated areas so that's all I can expect at this point. There are worse things like opiate addictions etc that don't leave a stench and are bad in many other ways. 

Puke may be staunch anti smoking but I'm more of the staunch anti- asshole mind. So, tit for tat.

That is the BEST advice ever.  If you can’t get thru to him, join him.  Be rude, cocky, smoke and drink in the room, let him sleep on the couch and fool around with one of the locals.  Enjoy yourself while you are there, minus him.  Reverse psychology.  Don’t play the “poor me” game.  I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.  Lol.     P.s.  let him sleep on the beach with those creatures he loves so much.  Wacko.

Edited January 19, 2019 by Gem 10

[aphroditewitch]

1 hour ago, seacliffsal said:

Regarding Kate and her smoking-a lot of people downplay how much they do something.  Oh, I only smoke occasionally; I social drink, etc.  Now, they may really only partake occasionally or they may be more dependent than they want to admit (i.e. I smoke like a chimney but don't want you to know; I am constantly drunk but don't want to admit it).  Of course it's Kate decision as to whether or not she wants to smoke, but she purposefully didn't tell the "experts" (and if it's only social/occasional, why not quit before getting married to a "stranger"?).  She may be doing the same on camera-downplaying how much she smokes.  Nevertheless, it's not her smoking that Luke doesn't like (IMO), but he commented on it and obviously feels free to comment on other things (regarding her coffee drinking "obviously you don't believe in moderation"-what a jerk he was to say that!).  Now my bad self is going to be exposed-if Luke doesn't like smoking I think Kate should smoke every day, all day...

If she is a secret chain smoker, the show definitely should  have picked up on that. People who chain smoke cannot hide that scent even if they think they can.

[silverspoons]

1 hour ago, Yeah No said:

I agree, and this is relevant in my own life where an accident and illness plus the subsequent job loss made me unable to contribute what I used to to our household.  My husband isn't keeping a ledger somewhere of the "debt" I incurred while unable to work.  He knows I have his back and have had his back many times and in many ways over the years.  We don't keep a balance sheet to keep track of what each of us is paying at any given time.  Over almost 40 years things have changed a LOT, and at some times I was supporting HIM, paying for his health insurance, etc.  So I just think that seeing how insistent Will seemed to be about splitting everything "down the middle" seemed like a tightwad answer, not the answer of an enlightened male that understands that it's not realistic nor even fair for things to be completely 50-50 between any couple at any given time.  If a wife stays home with kids, that's one time it can't be 50-50.  If one of them gets sick and can't work, that's another time it can't be 50-50.  If one of them makes a lot more than the other I would HOPE he wouldn't insist on things being 50-50.  I think Jasmine was thinking about all that stuff and he wasn't, which to me shows how unrealistic HE is, and quite possibly a selfish tightwad to boot.

I have been living in southern Utah which has many stay at home educated mom and sole provider husbands. On top of that most men including my husband seem to be okay with just having $10 or $20 bucks in their wallet to buy a soda at the gas station and maybe one hobby they spend some money on. People assume if the husband is the sole provider , he is in control but I watch my neighborhood working husband's and they have little control over money, heck they have little control over what they get to wear. I don;t think some of the matchy matchy outfits are their choice. They just work, come home, get handed a few kids to play with, eat dinner, watch a movie and repeat. 

I would be really curious of couples that start out this way 50/50, is it still that way in 10 years? After kids are born? Would Will want to share the cost of Jasmine delivering their baby 50/50?  I have heard people say student loans should be paid off by each spouse. I directly asked my husband about this. I had 1 student loan that had no interest on it so I was the only one I did not pay off asap. When I was very ill and not working my husband's (who never had student debt) salary paid my loan. I was offered to write off the debt because my illness was so severe but my husband wanted to pay it off because I did get a degree and he thought it was the right thing to do.  He said he never even thought anything of paying it. It was just another bill. 

I do wonder with Will's job if he is going to be picky about money. I think this season will be interesting to watch about the money if we get a true edit. Kristine finding out Keith's low pay and how she deals with it and how Will deals with having to give up control of money. Do these experts not get that money is one of the biggest issues in marriage? They seem to match these couples on personality traits, like he is outgoing, and she is reserved so they will make a good couple. Why not find two people who coupon clip and want have a debt free home. I bet they would get along more then the two people that like helping other and life (so generic). 

[2727]

6 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

The energy level of this couple is a big mismatch.

But, but ... they will balance each other out! Her energy will pull him up!

Dear experts: please point me to a couple where that theory has worked out for you.

On the other hand, perhaps they can't win because the only thing I remember about Cody and Danielle's disastrous match is that they both liked to work out and keep physically active.

2 hours ago, Empress1 said:

I think Stephanie has been very honest about her desire to just be married

She doesn't know this yet, but if your marriage sucks, pretty much your whole life sucks. You don't want to go to parties with your spouse or introduce him/her to co-workers, you dread going home at night, you avoid sex at all costs, etc. The unhappiness pervades everything.

[Gem 10]

On 1/16/2019 at 9:23 PM, Adeejay said:

Jasmine appears to come from a family where Dad is the primary provider.  So that is the template with which she is most familiar.  I distinctively remember Mama Joyce of "Housewives of Atlanta" saying that a man isn't a real man if he isn't the primary provider.  Perhaps, Jasmine subscribes to that chain of thought.  

I thought Jasmine was a “ modern woman”.  Independent and all that.  She wants, but doesn’t want to give.  I think that whole conversation about money turned him off.  AGAIN, should have been discussed with the experts ... division of money.

[Gem 10]

43 minutes ago, silverspoons said:

I have been living in southern Utah which has many stay at home educated mom and sole provider husbands. On top of that most men including my husband seem to be okay with just having $10 or $20 bucks in their wallet to buy a soda at the gas station and maybe one hobby they spend some money on. People assume if the husband is the sole provider , he is in control but I watch my neighborhood working husband's and they have little control over money, heck they have little control over what they get to wear. I don;t think some of the matchy matchy outfits are their choice. They just work, come home, get handed a few kids to play with, eat dinner, watch a movie and repeat. 

I would be really curious of couples that start out this way 50/50, is it still that way in 10 years? After kids are born? Would Will want to share the cost of Jasmine delivering their baby 50/50?  I have heard people say student loans should be paid off by each spouse. I directly asked my husband about this. I had 1 student loan that had no interest on it so I was the only one I did not pay off asap. When I was very ill and not working my husband's (who never had student debt) salary paid my loan. I was offered to write off the debt because my illness was so severe but my husband wanted to pay it off because I did get a degree and he thought it was the right thing to do.  He said he never even thought anything of paying it. It was just another bill. 

I do wonder with Will's job if he is going to be picky about money. I think this season will be interesting to watch about the money if we get a true edit. Kristine finding out Keith's low pay and how she deals with it and how Will deals with having to give up control of money. Do these experts not get that money is one of the biggest issues in marriage? They seem to match these couples on personality traits, like he is outgoing, and she is reserved so they will make a good couple. Why not find two people who coupon clip and want have a debt free home. I bet they would get along more then the two people that like helping other and life (so generic). 

If the wife gets pregnant, the husband usually absorbes the student loan.  What’s the woman to do?  My two son-in-laws did without a thought.  Instead of snooping in underwear drawers, and refrigerators, the “experts” should of picked up on this money situation.  They are useless.  And another thing that bothers me about these experts.  They are always talking about sex, sex, sex. , as if that’s the only thing in marriage.  It’s sickening and they should mind their own business.  Blondie who knows everything about sex and divorced.  Where did sex get her?  Just venting.

Edited January 19, 2019 by Gem 10

[Gem 10]

I wouldn’t be surprised if Stephanie gets pregnant right away with A.J.  As long as he’s a decent guy,  she’s ready.  She’s 35 and doesn’t want to look for a husband anymore.

[gonecrackers]

1 hour ago, configdotsys said:

3 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

The point is she lied about it during the matchmaking process.

 

I didn't mention that in my post because it was stated many times in this thread that she shouldn't have lied about it and I thought that was pretty obvious. I also don't think it's particularly relevant to how dickish Luke is because he treated her like dirt before he knew about it. Had he been a nice guy and then got chilly towards her when he found out she has a smoke every once in a while, I could see it being a big issue. If he's that offended, he can tell the producers that she lied on her application or whatever it is that they fill out, and walk away. Or, they can further humiliate her on the show, throw her off and air the humiliation for all to see. 

What you quoted & commented on was a very small snippet of what I said.  I mentioned the lying about smoking because that is integral in the matching process - if they were 'experts' matching for their best interests, that is...

And in other posts I've written, I've also never related the smoking to his treatment of her.

[configdotsys]

I don't necessarily think 50/50 means 50/50 to the letter but I got the feeling from Jasmine that she did not want to contribute evenly to the bills because it was his duty to do so and her money was hers to do with as she pleased. That really is not fair. The look on her face when he suggested that she would cook and clean then seemed offended at that. I believe that if one spouse stays home and the other works, that is 50/50 in contribution to the home. It's not just about the money, it's about making a happy home for everyone.

Edited January 19, 2019 by configdotsys

[Gem 10]

5 hours ago, Yeah No said:

A lot of older women, myself included, don't bare their arms because they don't feel they're thin and attractive enough anymore.  I can personally vouch for the fact that Joan Rivers did expose her arms when she was young because I've been watching her on an ancient talk show of hers from 50 years ago where she most certainly did.  But when women get older, heavier, etc. a LOT of them don't feel comfortable letting everything hang out like they did when they were young.  Our society is very judgmental about age and weight and I personally would not blame any woman for covering them.  I personally suffer from hereditary edema in my lower legs that came on with age and weight, so I no longer wear skirts.  I would be MORTIFIED because you just don't see women walking around with fat ankles like that and if they do they usually have given up on looking at all attractive and wear nothing but sweats anyway.  I'm just not that woman.  I don't ever go out of the house without some makeup.  That's just me.  I'm personally not in favor of everyone letting everything hang out no matter how unattractive the rest of the world sees it.  I think that's a slippery slope because it's easy to go from there to walking around like a mess and not taking care of one's appearance at all.

I’m with you.  Maybe it’s the location where we live?  I never go out without makeup.  After spine surgery a few years ago,  I don’t even put on a bathing suit as I can’t run or walk the track as I am always in pain.  I’ve gained weight around the middle which is unflattering.  I’m going off course I know, and I just forgot what the hell my point was.  Oh, now I remember ... arms, lol.

[Yeah No]

5 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

Also, Jasmine likes to refer to herself as a fierce independent woman, and maybe that's what Will asked for. Now the "fierce independent woman" is telling him he has to be the provider and take care of her. It's definitely confusing to say the least, and I don't think she can have it both ways......

I think a "fierce independent woman" to Jasmine is simply one that is not under a man's thumb.  I think in this latter day we tend to forget what that means.  A woman under a man's thumb is one that is not allowed to be free to make decisions for herself or even to go out by herself.  She is not free to speak her mind and "talk back" to her husband.  She exists in his mind purely to serve him and never herself first or at all.  How such "strong independent women" envision the breakdown and responsibility of bill paying may be something completely different.  No one is completely financially independent in marriage, and if they are I would wonder what kind of marriage that is.

Edited January 19, 2019 by Yeah No

[Yeah No]

2 hours ago, Gem 10 said:

I’m with you.  Maybe it’s the location where we live?  I never go out without makeup.  After spine surgery a few years ago,  I don’t even put on a bathing suit as I can’t run or walk the track as I am always in pain.  I’ve gained weight around the middle which is unflattering.  I’m going off course I know, and I just forgot what the hell my point was.  Oh, now I remember ... arms, lol.

It might also be the generation we come from.  I'm still not used to looking at baby bumps although young women see it as completely acceptable to wear tight clothing to show it off.  I don't wear a bathing suit either.  My edema gives me thighs that look like the surface of the moon and I weigh less than 200 lbs.  No amount of exercise will make that go away.  Now just because I said some things about Jasmine's arms doesn't mean I don't think she could find a look that exposes a little arm in a way that is flattering for her.  I just didn't think the looks she's worn so far have been flattering.

[Ilovepie]

@Yeah No I see what you are saying. I guess I am taking it as contradictory because the conversation about Will paying bills was interspersed with talking heads of Jasmine referring to herself that way. To me it seemed related.

When I think “independent”, that means independent in all areas, including financially.

[Yeah No]

12 hours ago, cardigirl said:

I do think housing may take a great percentage of your paycheck, but I also think we just expect to have more stuff.  Like personal computers or laptops, cell phones, tablets, big screen tvs, gadgets for the kitchen and the house, vacations, gym memberships, two or three cars, etc.  I really think that our expectations of what our lives need have expanded as well. Wages have not kept up with the increases to a certain extent, but the desire to own stuff has really grown. 

I agree, and actually the cost of a lot of things has gone down proportionately to what they were when I was young.  Clothing today is very inexpensive comparatively.  I used to have to put stuff on layaway just to get by.  When I got married a video deck cost $300 and that was almost 40 years ago.  That would cost $900.00 today!  I lived in NYC and back then my rent was $500 a month in the Bronx, which would equal $1,500 now.  And it wasn't the best neighborhood either.  Back then I only wished I could own a Sony Trinitron color TV.  We had a hand-me-down black and white for the first few years while we scrimped and saved for one.  Today young people don't want to live without anything less than the best, but we had to make do with less, and did with a lot of things.  I remember sitting outside of "Crazy Eddie's" overnight just to be one of the first people inside to get a free microwave.  No one would ever do that today because stuff like that is so cheap.  So we had to do without.  If we had cell phones back then we would have been on cheapo prepaid plans with a "dumb phone", not the latest iphone.  We would be buying cheap used laptops for $150 on Black Friday sales and using free wifi at Starbucks and not complaining about it.  I couldn't afford a gym for a long time so I took up bike riding.  My husband bought crappy $200 15 year old cars and fixed them up himself.  He'd drive one for a year then sell it, make a profit, then buy another one.  That's the only way we could afford two cars, which we parked on the street and had to deal with nightmare parking.  To say our income was not what we'd expect today is an understatement.  I made about $9,000 in 1980, which would be worth $27,000 today.  A starting salary in NYC.  My husband didn't make much more, and don't forget our rent would be like $1,500 today!!  So I don't think things were that much better back then if at all, at least not for me!

[Yeah No]

13 hours ago, Neurochick said:

I think there is something wrong with AJ.

ADD, perhaps.  Get that boy some Ritalin!  He reminds me of a friend of my husband and I who is the life of the party, quirky, fun and energetic all the time, but IMO would be a total nightmare to live with.  And he's on Ritalin, too.

[Gem 10]

6 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I agree, and actually the cost of a lot of things has gone down proportionately to what they were when I was young.  Clothing today is very inexpensive comparatively.  I used to have to put stuff on layaway just to get by.  When I got married a video deck cost $300 and that was almost 40 years ago.  That would cost $900.00 today!  I lived in NYC and back then my rent was $500 a month in the Bronx, which would equal $1,500 now.  And it wasn't the best neighborhood either.  Back then I only wished I could own a Sony Trinitron color TV.  We had a hand-me-down black and white for the first few years while we scrimped and saved for one.  Today young people don't want to live without anything less than the best, but we had to make do with less, and did with a lot of things.  I remember sitting outside of "Crazy Eddie's" overnight just to be one of the first people inside to get a free microwave.  No one would ever do that today because stuff like that is so cheap.  So we had to do without.  If we had cell phones back then we would have been on cheapo prepaid plans with a "dumb phone", not the latest iphone.  We would be buying cheap used laptops for $150 on Black Friday sales and using free wifi at Starbucks and not complaining about it.  I couldn't afford a gym for a long time so I took up bike riding.  My husband bought crappy $200 15 year old cars and fixed them up himself.  He'd drive one for a year then sell it, make a profit, then buy another one.  That's the only way we could afford two cars, which we parked on the street and had to deal with nightmare parking.  To say our income was not what we'd expect today is an understatement.  I made about $9,000 in 1980, which would be worth $27,000 today.  A starting salary in NYC.  My husband didn't make much more, and don't forget our rent would be like $1,500 today!!  So I don't think things were that much better back then if at all, at least not for me!

You just walked me thru “Memory Lane”.  Married longer than you.

[Aethera]

This thread is for discussion of the episode’s events. If you’d like to discuss personal stories related to these events, please take it to Small Talk. 

[Starlight925]

While I think Kate is a really pretty girl, I do think a more updated, less 80's Farrah Fawcett wings cut would flatter her.  I found her wedding dress too matronly, but when I see the other clothes she wears, it's all the same style:  large, shapeless tops and dresses.  She dresses like she weighs 300 lbs., which she does not.  I do agree that her voice is really difficult to hear.

Re:  Jasmine's arms.  In her defense, I bet it was really hot there, and I, too, go sleeveless a lot in heat like that, and Jasmine has smaller arms than I do.  I do agree that the upper arm bracelet thing did her no favors, and no, I wouldn't wear that.

I don't get the Luke gaydar as much as I just get Luke-jerk.  Reminds me of Dave (of Amber & Dave).  Has to be his way.  In the animal exhibit, it's not that Kate wasn't enthusiastic, it's that Luke was there to see the sloths.  Period.  He had zero interest in even ascertaining whether she was interested in it or not.  If she had fallen behind during the walk, he wouldn't have even noticed.  Oh, and Kate, honey....don't you want some yogurt instead of your eggs?  Ugh, that irritated me.  Glad she said no.

Edited January 19, 2019 by Sterling

[lu1535]

This popped up on my FB newsfeed today. 

Just for you Luke..................

[ECM1231]

On ‎1‎/‎17‎/‎2019 at 12:17 PM, humbleopinion said:

I think there are new producers this season and the producer induced scenarios are coming sooner in the marriage to create tension...

 Danielle and Bobby didn't get into finances until after they got back to Dallas.

Same for Dave and Amber.

 Jas jumped the gun to propose her wifey skills are worth an monetary discount for her equal share of the household bills.

Will was expecting an equal partner, he has been cooking and cleaning his own place so why should he have to carry the bigger financial burden just because Jas can rattle a few pots?

 What if Will is the better cook?

 Will, don't agree to anything less than a 50/50 until the proof is in the pudding....

Adding to the family coffers while you still have earning potential and before babies is expected... I would be side eyeing a  woman like Jas...

Jas should have married a much older man who wants the antiquated idea of a wife ..maybe 20, 25 years older....

Maybe I'm mistaken but I thought that in her intro package it mentioned that Jasmine is 30, financially stable, owns her own home and is looking for a life partner so that she can begin a family. Perhaps her intention is to become a SAHM once she marries and in that case there'd be NO income on her part at all. Somebody has to pay the bills. I'm old, married almost 36 years and a former teacher. My mom was a SAHM as was her mom before her.  My mom's advice to me was that when I married, I should learn to live on my husband's income as soon enough I'd be home with a family of my own and we'd have to rely on just one income. I was fortunate that my husband did own his own home when we married so we didn't have to save for that. I had no student loans so we were ahead of the game.  I owned my own car free and clear and had some money in savings.  I worked for 2 years and then stayed home when my first born arrived.  When I did work my paycheck went into savings and I did learn how to budget and live on one salary. Of course this was back in the 80s but we were fairly frugal. I cooked every night except for Friday pizza nights. We never ate out as my husband preferred home cooking. I realize nowadays many couples need that second income. However, Jasmine rushed that conversation and I'm still not sure what she expected of Will. Was she going to get pregnant right away and stay home? If not,  they need to sit down and draw up a budget and I don't agree it should be 50/50.  They should each contribute a percentage based on what they each make. I also wanted to add that watching folks like Danielle and Amber from last season made me realize how low maintenance I really am. All that make up, all those products! The eyelashes Danielle paid for on a monthly basis! Yikes!  I didn't start pampering myself with mani/pedis until my early 50s. It just was not something I had grown up with. 

[lids]

I find it interest that Kristine is the gym rat but she’s not very toned. Stephanie is more toned than Kris and Steph doesn’t talk about the gym every 5 minutes.

For the guys who aren’t really interested in marrying women from their own race, I wish the producers would just send them over to 90 Day Fiancé. All you have to do is find an exotic woman online, text her for about 4 days and 90 Day Fiancé will ship her right to your door. You can be a drug trafficker, carry around women’s hair in your wallet and live in squalor and they won’t care! For someone like Luke, that show might be more his speed.

Here’s my proposal for how Married at First Sight could avoid these trainwreck marriages. I really liked how last season the women/men learned their partners’ ring sizes. Danielle was able to figure out that Bobby was a wee person. She made peace with that and didn’t act ridiculous when she saw him at the altar. I would propose the show does more of that, including letting the couples’ parents meet first and letting the men/women pick out an outfit/favorite look for their spouses. If anyone just can’t deal at that point, they should call it off. The rejects could be on a one off called Married at First Site Missed Opportunities.

I just think that some of these people that spazz once they are finally married are like your friend who tells you she’s flexible and down to eat wherever, but as soon as you pick a spot, she’s all like, “ok, not that place” and then you choose again and she’s all passive aggressive saying: “It’s not my favorite, but I’ll go if you like it.” So she always ends up choosing the restaurant. Some people are control freaks and don’t know it. Some people will convincing call themselves flexible and you don’t find out they’re demanding until you put them in a situation where they lack choice. I bet Luke said all the right things during the recruitment process, but Luke doesn’t know he’s particular and difficult. Testing candidates a little before the marriage would uncover that.