Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Haleth]

19 hours ago, anna0852 said:

This was about 20 years ago. 

Wow!  That long ago???  ;)

[Mittengirl]

I have been to many weddings, but have never heard an officiant ask the “Does anyone here...” question.  Neither had the six coworkers I chatted with at lunch today.  Anyone here ever heard it IRL?  I have also never been to a funeral where virtually everyone was dressed entirely in black.

[riley702]

I've heard the question - no one answered, but yes, people looked around. LOL

[biakbiak]

I've also heard the question and had the officiant ask friends if they wanted that included or not.

[auntlada]

I think I've heard it, but not often. I told our officiant not to ask. I've seen too many weddings on soap operas. Also, I was afraid my dad or brothers would try to be funny.

[theredhead77]

2 hours ago, Mittengirl said:

I have been to many weddings, but have never heard an officiant ask the “Does anyone here...” question.  Neither had the six coworkers I chatted with at lunch today.  Anyone here ever heard it IRL?  I have also never been to a funeral where virtually everyone was dressed entirely in black.

I've heard it a few times. One friend actually told me to keep my mouth shut during that part because I hated (with good reason) the "man" she married and she was afraid I would say I OBJECT!

18 hours ago, SVNBob said:

There is such a thing as a hardship license for teenagers.  I had at least one friend in high school that got hers.

The friend I mentioned above had a hardship licence at 15 to take her dad to medical appointments, work for her family business and drive her brother to school. We also got into a shitton of mischief with it

[ganesh]

I've heard it at the church weddings. 

[Bastet]

I don't think I've ever heard it, but I don't go to a lot of weddings, and those I do attend don't tend to have the traditional vows heard on TV.  I think if I did hear it, I'd get a serious case of the inappropriate giggles, given that my exposure is via TV and there it almost always results in some sort of reaction, ranging from an "Oh crap" or "Don't you dare" look to an actual, dramatic objection (wacky hijinks ensue).

[ratgirlagogo]

On 12/12/2017 at 1:06 AM, SVNBob said:

On 12/11/2017 at 7:22 AM, Katy M said:

Only on TV do teenagers drive (with their parents permission) before they are 16 and oftentimes already have their own car.  Plus, they come and go at will with parents never caring where they are even late at night.

There is such a thing as a hardship license for teenagers.  I had at least one friend in high school that got hers.

There's no such thing as a learner's permit anymore? I got mine at 15 and used it like a driver's license exactly like everyone else I knew.  But I couldn't just drive around at night without giving my parents some plausible excuse.:)

[Katy M]

6 hours ago, ratgirlagogo said:

There's no such thing as a learner's permit anymore? I got mine at 15 and used it like a driver's license exactly like everyone else I knew.  But I couldn't just drive around at night without giving my parents some plausible excuse.:)

Yes, there's a permit, but you have to have a licensed driver with you.  It was like that even when I was a kid.

[Shannon L.]

If you are running for your life, then any house you break into for supplies will have exactly what you need and will be neat and organized enough that those supplies can be easily found. 

[HunterHunted]

On 12/12/2017 at 5:15 PM, riley702 said:

I've heard the question - no one answered, but yes, people looked around. LOL

My dad has been to a wedding where it was answered. The mother of the groom hated the bride and accused her of cheating. After some terse words with his mom, the groom escorted his mom out and continued with the wedding.

[paulvdb]

I haven't seen it recently, but I remember several episodes where teenagers had to volunteer at a teen helpline. On their first day the supervisor left them alone and they had to deal with a call from a suicidal kid. I know it happened on Family Ties and Step by Step but there must have been others.

[kiddo82]

I was my sister and brother-in-law's witness when they got their marriage license.  The clerk asked me if there was a reason they shouldn't get the license.  I paused for a sec and said "Well...".  Then I got a look from my sister.  The clerk was like "You're fine.  Here."  I'm sure that exact same interaction is something she experiences on the reg.  

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, kiddo82 said:

I was my sister and brother-in-law's witness when they got their marriage license.  The clerk asked me if there was a reason they shouldn't get the license.  I paused for a sec and said "Well...".  Then I got a look from my sister.  The clerk was like "You're fine.  Here."  I'm sure that exact same interaction is something she experiences on the reg.  

Don't leave us in suspense! (This isn't a season finale.) Are they still married?

[biakbiak]

You need a witness to just get a license  where you live?

[Anela]

3 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

I was my sister and brother-in-law's witness when they got their marriage license.  The clerk asked me if there was a reason they shouldn't get the license.  I paused for a sec and said "Well...".  Then I got a look from my sister.  The clerk was like "You're fine.  Here."  I'm sure that exact same interaction is something she experiences on the reg.  

My sister and I are back to not having a relationship, because of who she married, and I don't want to be around him. Her choice to not talk, not mine. It was that way when she got married (I wasn't there). She had hated me all year, but I wonder if at any point, she expected me to bring one of those huge hands that people wave around at certain events, in anticipation of that question. 

"Does anybody object?"

*waves giant hand* "DO I!? Where do I start...?"

I figured it was her decision, her life, as long as she kept him away from me.  That didn't work for her. 

Edited December 16, 2017 by Anela

[kiddo82]

9 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Don't leave us in suspense! (This isn't a season finale.) Are they still married?

6 years and two kids later.  

9 hours ago, biakbiak said:

You need a witness to just get a license  where you live?

I guess so.  I think I had to sign it and everything. 

[andromeda331]

If your a TV cop, detective or consulate everywhere you go someone is murdered. On the job obviously, go home someone is murdered, go out to a club someone is murdered, go to dinner party or any party someone is murdered, go to a restaurant someone is murdered, go on vacation someone is murdered. Some murderers will attempt to kill you, repeatedly, and others will want to play games with you. Some will even die and then come back and try to kill you again. If your single you'll date murderers. If your married and/or have kids get used to them to constantly being targeted or kidnapped. Its a wonder you don't go insane or that people don't just start avoiding you.

[DittyDotDot]

13 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

If your a TV cop, detective or consulate everywhere you go someone is murdered. On the job obviously, go home someone is murdered, go out to a club someone is murdered, go to dinner party or any party someone is murdered, go to a restaurant someone is murdered, go on vacation someone is murdered. Some murderers will attempt to kill you, repeatedly, and others will want to play games with you. Some will even die and then come back and try to kill you again. If your single you'll date murderers. If your married and/or have kids get used to them to constantly being targeted or kidnapped. Its a wonder you don't go insane or that people don't just start avoiding you.

Same goes for TV doctors. There will be a medical emergency everywhere you go and all your friends and family will have weird, hard to diagnose diseases that always flair up at the most inconvenient time. I'd run screaming from both TV doctors and TV detectives.

[kiddo82]

2 hours ago, andromeda331 said:

If your a TV cop, detective or consulate everywhere you go someone is murdered. On the job obviously, go home someone is murdered, go out to a club someone is murdered, go to dinner party or any party someone is murdered, go to a restaurant someone is murdered, go on vacation someone is murdered. Some murderers will attempt to kill you, repeatedly, and others will want to play games with you. Some will even die and then come back and try to kill you again. If your single you'll date murderers. If your married and/or have kids get used to them to constantly being targeted or kidnapped. Its a wonder you don't go insane or that people don't just start avoiding you.

Don't forget your high school reunion.  Someone always gets murdered at the high school reunion.

[Shannon L.]

49 minutes ago, kiddo82 said:

Don't forget your high school reunion.  Someone always gets murdered at the high school reunion.

And it's always someone from your class:  either the person you'd least expect or the once class nerd who now is rich and handsome and has score to settle. 

[Katy M]

21 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

And it's always someone from your class:  either the person you'd least expect or the once class nerd who now is rich and handsome and has score to settle. 

I was the class nerd.  I don't necessarily want to get murdered, but I wish I was rich and beautiful.  So, I could settle the score.  And then get murdered I guess.  OK.  That's the plan.  Get rich and beautiful in time for the next reunion.

[shapeshifter]

But if you're a doctor at your high school reunion, it's probably medical emergency and murder. 

[CoderLady]

58 minutes ago, Katy M said:

I was the class nerd.  I don't necessarily want to get murdered, but I wish I was rich and beautiful.  So, I could settle the score.  And then get murdered I guess.  OK.  That's the plan.  Get rich and beautiful in time for the next reunion.

No, no. If you were rich and beautiful now you would have to confess that you are desperately unhappy and that you would willingly give up all your accomplishments to go back to who you were, because nothing you could possibly become could be better than what you were originally born and raised to be.

And then you get murdered. Can't win.

[Shannon L.]

1 hour ago, Shannon L. said:

And it's always someone from your class:  either the person you'd least expect or the once class nerd who now is rich and handsome and has score to settle. 

Oops!  My mistake for not proof reading my post before hitting "submit reply".  What I meant was the murderer is always one of those two people.

[Katy M]

9 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

Oops!  My mistake for not proof reading my post before hitting "submit reply".  What I meant was the murderer is always one of those two people.

OH, well, that's much better. Is it wrong that I already know who I want to murder?

[DittyDotDot]

11 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

But if you're a doctor at your high school reunion, it's probably medical emergency and murder. 

Of course, because you are a TV doctor detective!! ;)

[proserpina65]

On ‎12‎/‎16‎/‎2017 at 4:30 PM, DittyDotDot said:

Same goes for TV doctors. There will be a medical emergency everywhere you go and all your friends and family will have weird, hard to diagnose diseases that always flair up at the most inconvenient time. I'd run screaming from both TV doctors and TV detectives.

Or you'll all be in a plane/train/bus crash, or a gunman will come looking for you, or a bomb will blow up in the hospital.  What?  That's just in Seattle?  Oh, never mind then.

[MaryPatShelby]

Or, if you're part of a team of crime-solvers, one or more of you will be targeted by stalkers, serial killers, kidnappers, whoever, because your team is super well-known to the general public.

(As a matter of principle, if I see in a show's description that a member of a team is in peril, I don't watch that episode.)

[Shannon L.]

If there's a multi-car collision, someone will be tossed deep into the trees or over the steep hill on one side of the street and the person who will find said victim is always the intern who's on their first ride along. 

[Anela]

4 hours ago, MaryPatShelby said:

Or, if you're part of a team of crime-solvers, one or more of you will be targeted by stalkers, serial killers, kidnappers, whoever, because your team is super well-known to the general public.

(As a matter of principle, if I see in a show's description that a member of a team is in peril, I don't watch that episode.)

I've avoided shows that promise someone. Will. Die!! Next episode. 

[ganesh]

If you're going to burn something or blow something up that needs flame, you light your zippo and throw the whole thing in. Instead of a match. 

[HunterHunted]

Kids can't draw. When kids draw a picture, they are either Leonardo da Vinci or a 3 year old. It's either the Vitruvian Man or stick figures.

[theredhead77]

If you work in a hospital you will always contract every horrible mystery disease that patient zero brings in.

[paulvdb]

Watching some old sitcoms reminded me of this: if you're a girl you and your boyfriend will have to dance at some formal occasion. Your boyfriend is embarrassed because he can't dance so he'll secretly take dancing lessons. But his excuses are so ridiculous that you (and/or your friends) will follow him to see what he's really doing. You'll see him meet his (beautiful) dance instructor and jump to the conclusion that he's cheating on you.

[shapeshifter]

5 hours ago, paulvdb said:

Watching some old sitcoms reminded me of this: if you're a girl you and your boyfriend will have to dance at some formal occasion. Your boyfriend is embarrassed because he can't dance so he'll secretly take dancing lessons. But his excuses are so ridiculous that you (and/or your friends) will follow him to see what he's really doing. You'll see him meet his (beautiful) dance instructor and jump to the conclusion that he's cheating on you.

Does anyone know if there's a trope entry for this? Seems like there should be. Or is it based on some fable or scriptural story?

[Raja]

On 12/23/2017 at 8:57 PM, ganesh said:

If you're going to burn something or blow something up that needs flame, you light your zippo and throw the whole thing in. Instead of a match. 

And since characters don't actually smoke you have the Chechov's lighter scene where someone plays with his lighter

5 hours ago, paulvdb said:

Watching some old sitcoms reminded me of this: if you're a girl you and your boyfriend will have to dance at some formal occasion. Your boyfriend is embarrassed because he can't dance so he'll secretly take dancing lessons. But his excuses are so ridiculous that you (and/or your friends) will follow him to see what he's really doing. You'll see him meet his (beautiful) dance instructor and jump to the conclusion that he's cheating on you.

 

2 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

Does anyone know if there's a trope entry for this? Seems like there should be. Or is it based on some fable or scriptural story?

It is a plot point of the Japanese original Shall We Dance along with the Richard Gere/J Lo remake. Only the private investigator figured out what was going on

[Shannon L.]

People on tv keep everything in a box in the garage or attic or in their desks/dressers.  Even if it's something that could get you in trouble if someone else found it and there's no explicable reason for you to have not destroyed it.  Nope, it all goes in a box or a drawer bound to be discovered by someone who you didn't want to know about whatever it was in the first place. 

[2727]

Wealthy, evil TV characters have an inexhaustible supply of henchmen. They're silent and dress in black. Requests are often conveyed by the snap of a finger. They're trained and ready to do anything -- fight, shoot, fly, drive, dispose of bodies, kidnap, set up technology, torture, clean up murder scenes, etc.

[ganesh]

Are you saying you *don't* have henchmen? #HenchLyfe

[2727]

22 minutes ago, ganesh said:

Are you saying you *don't* have henchmen? #HenchLyfe

I got in trouble with the IRS re nanny taxes.

[ChromaKelly]

On 12/25/2017 at 6:00 AM, paulvdb said:

Watching some old sitcoms reminded me of this: if you're a girl you and your boyfriend will have to dance at some formal occasion. Your boyfriend is embarrassed because he can't dance so he'll secretly take dancing lessons. But his excuses are so ridiculous that you (and/or your friends) will follow him to see what he's really doing. You'll see him meet his (beautiful) dance instructor and jump to the conclusion that he's cheating on you.

This can also be extended to the guy trying to plan any kind of surprise - planning a vacation: meeting with beautiful travel agent, buying jewelry: beautiful sales clerk, or took beautiful sister/secretary/friend along to help pick out jewelry, planning a surprise party: meeting with beautiful event planner. Of course no one can just ask what's up and the man is so inept at covering he looks guilty.

[Anela]

Yet another person's car stalling in a tv show earlier.  Nothing wrong with said car before - just when the driver was in trouble. 

[meep.meep]

I've read this a few times and it's always about a car stalling in a tv shower.  Let's hope they turned the radio off.

3 hours ago, 2727 said:

I got in trouble with the IRS re nanny taxes.

If the henchmen bring their own "tools" then they are considered contractors, not employees.  Simplifies the taxes.  You still can't hire illegal aliens, and frankly the best henchmen do look foreign born.

[shapeshifter]

26 minutes ago, meep.meep said:

I've read this a few times and it's always about a car stalling in a tv shower.  Let's hope they turned the radio off.

Hee. 

[Anela]

1 hour ago, meep.meep said:

I've read this a few times and it's always about a car stalling in a tv shower.  Let's hope they turned the radio off.

If the henchmen bring their own "tools" then they are considered contractors, not employees.  Simplifies the taxes.  You still can't hire illegal aliens, and frankly the best henchmen do look foreign born.

What is always about that?

i vaguely remember something about a car radio. Don't know how it got started, though. 

[Haleth]

9 hours ago, Anela said:

What is always about that?

i vaguely remember something about a car radio. Don't know how it got started, though. 

It was a discussion about whether or not you shut off your car radio before turning off the car.

[shapeshifter]

6 hours ago, Haleth said:

16 hours ago, Anela said:

What is always about that?

i vaguely remember something about a car radio. Don't know how it got started, though. 

It was a discussion about whether or not you shut off your car radio before turning off the car.

The reason to turn your car radio off before turning off your car is so that when you next start the car, the battery isn't also draining into the radio.
Did I get that right, @ganesh?
ETA: IIRC, this first came up with either "Only On TV do people turn off their car radios when they turn off the car," or, possibly, "Only On TV do people leave their car radios on when they turn off the car." —Which might have been a corollary to some other thing people only do or do not do on TV when turning off their cars, like turning off the heat or air conditioning.

 

I do wonder whether it is only on TV that when the spouse (usually the husband) finds the the victim dead by means of a weapon that causes a lot of bleeding, and the spouse calls 911, the detectives on the scene will immediately assume the blood got transferred to the spouse's clothing in the course of the spouse killing the victim, rather than touching the victim to determine if s/he is dead, or to try to revive the victim, or to hold the victim and sob.
Also, is it only on TV that it is very difficult to determine how the blood was transferred?

Edited January 2, 2018 by shapeshifter
Details relevant to the thread

[Lugal]

1 hour ago, shapeshifter said:

I do wonder whether it is only on TV that when the spouse (usually the husband) finds the the victim dead by means of a weapon that causes a lot of bleeding, and the spouse calls 911, the detectives on the scene will immediately assume the blood got transferred to the spouse's clothing in the course of the spouse killing the victim, rather than touching the victim to determine if s/he is dead, or to try to revive the victim, or to hold the victim and sob.
Also, is it only on TV that it is very difficult to determine how the blood was transferred?

It reminds me of a real life case I read about where the guy claimed that his wife drowned in the bathtub, but when the detectives arrived they noticed the water had pooled on parts of her body in a way that would be consistent if he just drained the tub and did not move her to try and revive her.

On a lighter note, it seems to be TV etiquette that when people are trapped on a desert island, the men surrender any razors they may have to the women, which is why woman's legs are always smooth, while men end up with scraggly beards.