Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[DeLurker]

At such moments I invariably think: If this was a book, we would know that the victim would at least be thinking something like: I knew I should've kept going to Pilates!

or "Damn it!  I should have worn flats!"

 

If you get faint or lose consciousness for a nano-second, when someone helps you ups and tries to continue to support you, you always say "I'm fine" and they turn away.  You will immediately collapse again.

[ganesh]

One of the older apartments I lived in, the water got hotter if you flushed. My roommate did it to me on accident once. I pretended I was melting and cracked everyone up.

[proserpina65]

Yes, older houses. Sometimes the plumbing is linked in those older houses, so if you flush the toilet or run water in another facet it can both change the water pressure and/or make the water hotter or colder depending on whether your run hot or cold water (the toilet would be cold, so the shower would most likely get hotter). I grew up in an old farmhouse and this happens even to this day.

My parents' house was like this.  Flush while someone is in the shower, and they might get scalded.  Heck, my house isn't that old, but flushing will reduce the flow of cold water to the sink next to it.

[Wax Lion]

It doesn't matter if you live in a city full of millions of people. You and all your friends will only socialize at the same bar and/or coffee shop, and only at that one place. And chances are, that place will be close to where you work. But that's ok, because all of your friends all also work at the same place you do. And all of your long-term romantic partners, and the partners of your friends, will also be people who work at the same place all of you do (it might get a little incestuous as you and your friends will occasionally partner swap). Short-term romantic partners will be someone who also works at the place you work at but is rarely seen working there before and after the short-term relationship. If it isn't a co-worker, then that short-term relationship will be someone who at least works in the same field you work in (or some field related) and/or is a friend/roommate/old school chum of one of you co-workers.

 

My biggest disappointment in life is that this hasn't matched reality. It takes real dedication to go to the same bar/coffee house/pub/restaurant so often that the regulars and staff befriend you. The gang from Cheers must have been really unhappy with their home lives.

 

I've been wondering if this is a cliche on British soaps, too, when we see the entire neighborhood hanging out at the local pub every night. It's pretty rare for someone to go to a different pub because they have a friend who lives more than a few blocks away on these shows. Then again, on Corrie and EastEnders no one ever gets a job that's more than a short walk away, so when the gang from the office decides to go out for the same drink afterward, they have the same neighborhood pub.

[ganesh]

When I was in grad school in MA we went out so much that lots of people knew us and we'd see the same people around depending on the night. I mean, you're talking *every* night going out. And two of the group were bartenders, so that helped. Everyone knew us though.

[DeLurker]

After college, my friends and I all lived at our respective homes for a while.  We went out almost nightly and 4-5x/week to the local dive bar.  The other regulars and bartenders knew us by sight, but the waitress we usually had (we called her Bob cause she sounded like Bob Dylan) would card us each and every night.  To top that off, she needed to use a lighter to check the birth date cause it was pretty dark (as a good dive should be).

[meep.meep]

My biggest disappointment in life is that this hasn't matched reality. It takes real dedication to go to the same bar/coffee house/pub/restaurant so often that the regulars and staff befriend you. The gang from Cheers must have been really unhappy with their home lives.

 

I've been wondering if this is a cliche on British soaps, too, when we see the entire neighborhood hanging out at the local pub every night. It's pretty rare for someone to go to a different pub because they have a friend who lives more than a few blocks away on these shows. Then again, on Corrie and EastEnders no one ever gets a job that's more than a short walk away, so when the gang from the office decides to go out for the same drink afterward, they have the same neighborhood pub.

The British thing is part of their culture - your neighborhood pub is referred to as your regular.

 

I don't go out often enough to be befriended, but I gave up going to a taco place when I walked in and the counter guy yelled to the cook, "Dos Bajas, por favor!"  Nobody likes to be predictable.

[Joe]

I used to work next door to, and still live near an Indian restaurant. Close enough to smell, which means I still go in pretty often. Because my old boss is the chatty type, I got to know the owers. It does happen.

[Demented Daisy]

Tip well enough and every bar and restaurant will remember you.  Quickly.  ;-)

[Rick Kitchen]

Tip well enough and every bar and restaurant will remember you.  Quickly.  ;-)

 

Yes.  I can attest to this personally. If you visit a place often enough, and tip well, you can occasionally get free or reduced-price meals and drinks.

 

 

.

[ZuluQueenOfDwarves]

When I worked at a psych hospital, most of my friends were also my coworkers. After a bad day (which were frequent) we went to the bar down the road. We had a regular table and they knew us by name and order (and would even comp us a round if any of were visibly injured). There was also another bar we went to just to hang out where we were also known and had a regular table. The main difference was we didn't and still don't live near each other, and now we're even more scattered. Those people are still my best friends though.

[Demented Daisy]

Yes.  I can attest to this personally. If you visit a place often enough, and tip well, you can occasionally get free or reduced-price meals and drinks.

 

 

.

 

Likewise, if you tip well enough, you will immediately get into a club that has a line down the street -- and the first round will be on the bartender.  The secret is to tip after every round of drinks instead of at the end of the night.  It's expensive, but worth it when the wait staff drops what they're doing to take care of you.

 

Just us?  Okay, then.  ;-)

[topanga]

 

Likewise, if you tip well enough, you will immediately get into a club that has a line down the street

And if there's dancing at that club, you (or your partner) might not be good dancers, but sometime during the evening, you'll starting bustin' some funky fresh moves that make people on the dance floor stop dancing so they can form circle around the two of you. 

 

(I know someone posted this one before, but this bar/club conversation made me think of it). 

[Shannon L.]

It's common for doctors and nurses to have personal conversations while they are treating a patient.

[MaryPatShelby]

To swing the shower-flush conversation back to TV, this phenomenon was portrayed in the comedy Something So Right (which I'm sure you ALL remember). The mom, played by Mel Harris, was in the shower. She begged her husband Jere Burns to flush the toilet; he resisted but eventually did. She screamed a joyful scream, but I don't remember if the water got hot or cold. I may remember steam, but this was so long ago.

[ganesh]

And if there's dancing at that club, you (or your partner) might not be good dancers, but sometime during the evening, you'll starting bustin' some funky fresh moves that make people on the dance floor stop dancing so they can form circle around the two of you.

 

You mean that *doesn't* happen when you go out?

[janie jones]

To swing the shower-flush conversation back to TV, this phenomenon was portrayed in the comedy Something So Right (which I'm sure you ALL remember). The mom, played by Mel Harris, was in the shower. She begged her husband Jere Burns to flush the toilet; he resisted but eventually did. She screamed a joyful scream, but I don't remember if the water got hot or cold. I may remember steam, but this was so long ago.

I remember that! That's what I think of when someone flushes when someone else is in the shower.

[topanga]

People who live in Manhattan eat exotic take out every night: Ethiopian, Mediterranean, Greek, Brazilian, etc. Unless they're in their early 20s. Then all they eat is pizza. 

[Rick Kitchen]

People who live in Manhattan eat exotic take out every night: Ethiopian, Mediterranean, Greek, Brazilian, etc. Unless they're in their early 20s. Then all they eat is pizza. 

 

Or order in Chinese.

[Sandman87]

Which they eat right out of the take-out container.

[ganesh]

We had a good round of this one too. They pass the container around and everyone eats out of it.

[scriggle]

We had a good round of this one too. They pass the container around and everyone eats out of it.

 

Using chopsticks.

[ganesh]

The person headbutting someone else never gets dazed. And they do it in such a variety of ways! You head a soccer ball the wrong way you can practically knock yourself out. 

[methodwriter85]

If you live in the suburbs, you live in beautiful craftsmen style houses from the 1940's complete with beautiful porches. Nobody ever lives in generic box McHouses from the 1980's or 1990's, or McMansions from the 2000's.

 

Your suburb also has an inexplicable beautiful downtown area with hip stores and restaurants. Nobody lives in an area with big-box stores or strip malls.

Edited February 22, 2016 by methodwriter85

[ganesh]

Or anything in between. I live in an area with a big park, nice sidewalks and trees. The houses are on the small side, but everyone has a driveway and a yard. 

[Sandman87]

If you live in the suburbs, you live in beautiful craftsmen style houses from the 1940's complete with beautiful porches. Nobody ever lives in generic box McHouses from the 1980's or 1990's, or McMansions from the 2000's.

And oddly enough, all of those 1940s neighborhoods are in perfect condition. No sidewalks with cracks and uneven slabs, no trees that haven't been trimmed in 10 years, no houses with peeling paint or solid brown yards.

[shapeshifter]

no trees that haven't been trimmed in 10 years, no houses with peeling paint or solid brown yards.

Unless that house is inhabited by a single older person, suspected of being up to some dark arts, but whom turns out to have a heart of gold.

[SVNBob]

Unless that house is inhabited by a single older person, suspected of being up to some dark arts, but whom turns out to have a heart of gold.

 

Or the family of artists.   Or the family of "oddballs" that don't fit into the societal norm, but get along perfectly with each other (in some cases, better than the judgmental neighbors).

[ganesh]

No one on television can hold their booze. 

[NutMeg]

Except Don Draper in the earlier seasons -

[Kromm]

or "Damn it!  I should have worn flats!"

Yeah, this is an amazing one. Always a chase, and a woman who is running around in F-ME shoes.

Except when she's wearing heeled boots (vs. heeled shoes), in which case the show ignores this and acts like it's perfectly natural (and somehow painless) to be doing that.

[ganesh]

All men on tv can dance because their ex-wife "made them take lessons." This is the exact line of dialogue always. But, it's not just like regular dancing. They instantly can bust out a perfect tango or do the lindy hop out of no where. 

[Gudzilla]

Every farm has a fence that needs mending daily.

[ZuluQueenOfDwarves]

I don't live in either place so I can't say for sure this is a tv invention, but will NYC cabs really take a fare all the way to Connecticut? Because in Philly it takes some haggling to get them to take you to suburbs when you miss the last train. Thank the stars for Uber.

[Kromm]

I don't live in either place so I can't say for sure this is a tv invention, but will NYC cabs really take a fare all the way to Connecticut? Because in Philly it takes some haggling to get them to take you to suburbs when you miss the last train. Thank the stars for Uber.

I don't think they have a choice for any destination within NYC, but outside of NYC I believe they can refuse. Also clearly they usually won't be able to pick up a return fare outside of the city, so that factors into things too. I believe you literally just have to negotiate the fare for anything outside of NYC, other than trips to the major airports (which are outside of city limits but have some kind of reciprocal agreement). 

 

But really, even before Uber, that's why car services existed.

[topanga]

Speaking of taxis, it seems like every other episode of a show has someone jumping out of cab to chase his or her lost love, a criminal, an upset relative, etc. And they haven't paid the fare, which causes the driver jump outside his taxi and start yelling, "Hey! Hey!"

Speaking of taxis, it seems like every other episode of a show has someone jumping out of cab to chase his or her lost love, a criminal, an upset relative, etc. And they haven't paid the fare, which causes the driver jump outside his taxi and start yelling, "Hey! Hey!"

[dalek]

I believe with NYC taxis, they are required to take  you anywhere in the 5 boroughs, Nassau county, Westchester county, Newark airport, and JFK airport (which I think is in Nassau not Suffolk county?) but not required to take you anywhere else, including NJ, CT and Suffolk County.

 

Of course, it's been a while since I've lived in NYC, and even with the rules and possible consequences of turning down legit fares, it was not unheard of for cabs hailed inManhattan not to want to go the other boroughs or above 96th street.

[cpcathy]

No one on television can hold their booze.

Norm Peterson can!

[Moose135]

Both JFK and LGA are in Queens, part of NYC, and they now have flat fares to and from the airport and Manhattan.

[Raja]

Only on TV can a veteran of any war from WWII onward no matter how big or small his home town or how "elite" his special unit, since everybody was special forces of some kind ;)  will have his entire war time squad living in that same city

[ethalfrida]

Only on TV do grade school students have state of the arts costumes for their class plays...

[merylinkid]

That Mom is usually seen hand sewing because apparently sewing machines have yet to be invented on tv (trust me the noise would drive the sound guys nuts trying to balance the dialogue with the machine noise).   

[ZuluQueenOfDwarves]

I've only ever seen bridesmaids walk unescorted down the aisle on tv. Every RL wedding I've attended, the groomsmen walk down with them and the groom is alone at the altar at the start of the ceremony. On tv, the groomsmen stand alongside the groom right from the start.

Also, only on tv does the entire wedding party have a long history with each other. It's never the bride's best friend as MOH and the groom's brother as best man, and they've only met a handful of times (and married to other people). No, in every tv wedding the best man and MOH function as the beta couple.

[ChromaKelly]

I've only ever seen bridesmaids walk unescorted down the aisle on tv. Every RL wedding I've attended, the groomsmen walk down with them and the groom is alone at the altar at the start of the ceremony. On tv, the groomsmen stand alongside the groom right from the start.

Also, only on tv does the entire wedding party have a long history with each other. It's never the bride's best friend as MOH and the groom's brother as best man, and they've only met a handful of times (and married to other people). No, in every tv wedding the best man and MOH function as the beta couple.

You're right! Why do they do that on TV, the unescorted bridesmaid thing?

Also, the couple takes off right away from the ceremony. Is there no reception?

[ganesh]

I was in my cousin's wedding. She, of course had like 7 bridesmaids, so her soon-to-be-husband needed a 7th to round out the party. We're the same age though and get along so it was nbd. 

On tv, the men and the women are all separated. For us, we had a trolley car for all of the wedding party stocked with tons of beer.  

[Popples]

I've only ever seen bridesmaids walk unescorted down the aisle on tv. Every RL wedding I've attended, the groomsmen walk down with them and the groom is alone at the altar at the start of the ceremony. On tv, the groomsmen stand alongside the groom right from the start.

 

I've seen this in real life. The bride had about eight bridesmaids, where as the groom had three groomsmen. Five bridesmaids walked down the aisle by themselves, followed by two escorted by two groomsmen, then the maid of honor was escorted by the best man.

[kiddo82]

In every wedding I've been to or in, the bridesmaids have processed in unescorted and out escorted by their partners. Granted, the vast majority of weddings I've been to or in have been religious ceremonies so I'm not sure if that has something to do with it, but I've seen the same procession even in the non religious weddings.

Edited March 14, 2016 by kiddo82

[MaryMitch]

In every wedding I've been to or in, the bridesmaids have processed in unescorted and out escorted by their partners. Granted, the vast majority of weddings I've been to or in have been religious ceremonies so I'm not sure if that has something to do with it, but I've seen the same procession even in the non religious weddings.

 

Me too! Must be a regional thing... groom, best man, and ushers all file in from the front of the church to stand with the minister/whoever, the bridesmaids come down one at a time, then the maid of honor, then the bride and her father. It's been my experience that "rites of passage" - like wedding and baby showers, weddings, receptions, and funerals - are all different depending on what part of the country you live in.

[ganesh]

Regardless, *all* the church weddings have been so so long and boring. Plus it's always creepy to me that the pervy priest tells you to mack on your spouse in front of literally both of your families. 

[andromeda331]

That's pretty much the reason why with my family and friends the kiss at the wedding is always very short

and quick. Because his mom is right there, and so is her mom, and her dad, Grandma...