Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[shapeshifter]

...On tv if someone has a mug, glass, plate, whatever, and they walk into a room where something shocking happen, they immediately let go of it and it shatters all over the place.

And it's never a plastic dish or cup.

[andromeda331]

Only on TV are cops and criminals surprised when the other lies to them.

[Kromm]

This one is inspired by the MONDO-shitty episode of Scorpion that aired this week.

 

Only on TV, in pursuit of a testifying witness, will criminals commit endless public lawbreaking to eliminate the witness, totally unmindful of the fact that they're creating dozens, maybe hundreds of NEW witnesses to a new series of crimes.

 

Scorpion was in fact SO godawful stupid about this they even had the guy on trial come out to do his own wetwork in trying to eliminate the witness, so they couldn't even play it like it was some boss who'd hide behind "random criminals" fortunately taking out the person testifying against him.

 

Scorpion is a very stupid show, but even the normal versions of this where the boss just sends peons to do it STILL is kind of lame, stupid and unrealistic.  Real life witness assassinations aren't done in the open.

[ganesh]

Only on TV are cops and criminals surprised when the other lies to them.

 

The Sheriff on Bates Motel is actually a good example of not a tv cop. 

[kiddo82]

I know it's a nerd, internet troll reaction but only on the Goldbergs did the Berlin Wall come down in the month of April instead of November.

[DeLurker]

From this week's One Door Closes ep on Agents of SHIELD...if you are lurking in a hideyhole, the enemy will be walking by and say at that exact moment something critical for you to overhear.

 

ETA:  korect speling

Edited April 2, 2015 by DeLurker

[Raja]

from a comment about Agents of SHIELD, only on TV do soldiers patrol with flashlights on giving away their position.

[shang yiet]

It bugs me that when the best friend of the heroine finds something suspicious about the heroine's new boyfriend/ nanny/colleague/neighbour, they don't just tell her quietly. No, they have to confront the suspicious one in person. 'I know what you're up to! You won't get away with this! I'm calling the police,". This always ends with the best friend dead in seconds. See The Hand that Rocks the Cradle.

[CoderLady]

And they always confront the bad guy/woman alone in an isolated place with their "I know what you're doing! I'm the only one who knows! I'm going to tell on you and there's nothing you can do to stop me!" Sadly, that last part is never true.

[Shannon L.]

Only on tv:

 

1.  Is it acceptable for female administrative assistants to wear tight, short, cleavage bearing dresses.

2. Is it not against the law for someone under the age of 21, who works at a restaurant or store, to handle, serve and order alcohol (or to manage a bar). Unless things have changed since I was a teenager.

3.  Are all new businesses (especially restaurants) hugely successful right from opening night.

[selkie]

Only on tv:

 

1.  Is it acceptable for female administrative assistants to wear tight, short, cleavage bearing dresses.

2. Is it not against the law for someone under the age of 21, who works at a restaurant or store, to handle, serve and order alcohol (or to manage a bar). Unless things have changed since I was a teenager.

 

2. Seems to vary based on state and city by city. In Florida, you can serve or sell alcohol now as long as you've hit age of 18.

[Shannon L.]

Thanks, Selkie.  When I was writing that, I wondered if maybe it was a state to state (or simply an old) law. My first job was at a little mini mart and when anyone brought alcohol to the counter, I had to call over one of the older employees to ring them up. 

[kassygreene]

Only On TV would there be a commercial describing a show as "Game of Thrones meets House of Cards" (it might have been "House of Cards meets Game of Thrones" - bad either way).  It was during Tuesday's broadcast of The Voice, and it was a commercial for AD The Bible Continues.

 

The commercials for this series have been ludicrous, but this one put me on a rage spiral.

[Haleth]

^ That is the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard.  Talk about over hype of a show!

[ShortyMac]

Only on TV do most parents drive their kids to school, no matter where they live (I recall that the Barone kids took the bus on Everybody Loves Raymond). Even in the suburbs, almost no TV kids utilize a school bus. The only times I was driven to school was if I missed the bus or if there was a late start.

 

Just something I've noticed.

[Kromm]

Only on TV do most parents drive their kids to school, no matter where they live (I recall that the Barone kids took the bus on Everybody Loves Raymond). Even in the suburbs, almost no TV kids utilize a school bus. The only times I was driven to school was if I missed the bus or if there was a late start.

 

Just something I've noticed.

You know, I think we DO see School Buses a lot--as a plot point about bullying.  And I think we see this on almost every show about kids that age group.  But then what happens is there's almost always a storyline about an older kid getting a car, and then they seem obligated to drive the younger kids to school.  Or if not, sometimes there's some looser "the schoolbus is for babies and/or the poor kids" thing.  Anyway, the net result IMO is that we see schoolbuses a lot initially, but they don't "stick" on the shows.

 

I dunno.  I grew up in a fairly rural area and the schoolbus was really the only option for kids until High School, because the school(s) were way out of the way for any adult commuting, and just plain a huge inconvenient chunk out of the day for parents that stayed home (like a half hour each way if you include the backup that resulted since only a single road led to the school and it got backed up--so that could be like a two hour investment out of a parent's day if they had to go TO the school, back home, to the school again, and back home again, all in the same day).

[Tunia]

Only on TV do you kiss your date goodnight in the middle of the living room and watch him/her walk alone to the door and exit, rather than walking him/her to the door and locking it afterwards.

[Shannon L.]

 

Only on TV do most parents drive their kids to school, no matter where they live (I recall that the Barone kids took the bus on Everybody Loves Raymond). Even in the suburbs, almost no TV kids utilize a school bus. The only times I was driven to school was if I missed the bus or if there was a late start.

When I was in school, in a small town, there were buses everywhere and still are.  Here in the city, at the schools my kids have attended, I've seen very few buses.  On the days that I do give my kids a ride (because we're close enough to walk) to or from school, it's an absolute mess.  If we need to leave immediately after school to get to an appointment on time, if I'm not there by 2:15pm for a 3:05 dismissal, then I have to park at least a block away because parents are already lined up waiting for their kids. The only buses we've ever seen at their school were the ones that brought in the mentally and physically challenged kids.

 

Only on tv:  The more dramatic a person is, the better the odds of everyone always using their first and last name whenever talking about them when they aren't in the room.  It's never something like "I know John is behind this!", then if a character isn't sure about who the other is talking about (as if, right?): "John?"  "John Smith"  "Ah yes. You're right.")

Edited April 12, 2015 by Shannon L.

[Bastet]

I went to private schools, and at both of them buses were only used for things like field trips and away games, not for daily commuting (logistics, I guess, considering kids were coming from all over).  So my impression of taking the bus to school came entirely from television.  Needless to say, it was not a good impression.

Edited April 13, 2015 by Bastet

[Raja]

I work in an affluent urban area, the kind where most TV characters live, in the general how do they afford that working in a coffee shop TV kind of way. The line up of parental and nanny driven cars to pick up the kids from elementary and middle schools with school district police and city parking enforcement trying to restore order is a site to see

[ChromaKelly]

The significant others and friends of school teachers just show up unannounced and interrupt their classes frequently. Hijinks usually ensue.

[shapeshifter]

Disclaimer: I am not familiar with real murder investigations or rates of types of murders.

Still, I'm pretty sure that only on TV do most people who accidentally kill someone go to great lengths to cover it up, including dismembering the body or otherwise disposing of it.

[proserpina65]

Disclaimer: I am not familiar with real murder investigations or rates of types of murders.

Still, I'm pretty sure that only on TV do most people who accidentally kill someone go to great lengths to cover it up, including dismembering the body or otherwise disposing of it.

Except for Robert Durst, of course.  He totally shot his elderly neighbor by accident in a self-defense related struggle over a gun, and then dismembered him to cover up the accidental, self-defending non-murder.  Totally.

Edited April 20, 2015 by proserpina65

[topanga]

Only on TV will there be a foot chase where a suspect is running down a city street, and the chasing police officer is running behind him or her yelling "STOP! NYPD (or LAPD, etc), and people don't move. So the suspect and even the police officer end up running into people and knocking them down to the ground. Occasionally a brave soul will finally trip the suspect, but not before several people have been knocked down.

[CoderLady]

Only on TV will there be a foot chase where a suspect is running down a city street, and the chasing police officer is running behind him or her yelling "STOP! NYPD (or LAPD, etc), and people don't move. So the suspect and even the police officer end up running into people and knocking them down to the ground. Occasionally a brave soul will finally trip the suspect, but not before several people have been knocked down.

 

Don't forget the fruit carts, homeless peoples' shopping carts full of stuff and the stack of large but mysteriously lightweight cardboard boxes the pursued and pursuer run into along the way, any one of which should cause enough injuries to make it a very short pursuit.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Only on TV will there be a foot chase where a suspect is running down a city street, and the chasing police officer is running behind him or her yelling "STOP! NYPD (or LAPD, etc), and people don't move.

 

And the whole foot chase thing could be totally avoided if Only On TV do cops not identify themselves as such when they're at least fifteen feet away from the suspect, giving them the opportunity to try to escape.

[Chaos Theory]

Only on TV when the show is focused around a pair of people and they are male/female will they end up together by the end of the show regardless of history and the fact that they said themselves multiple times they wouldn't.

[Shannon L.]

Only on tv does everyone have the time, the desire and the skill to make a homemade meal all the time.  Almost everything from scratch!  Rarely is a jar, can or bottle opened, unless its oil or vinegar or something like that.  Except for Roseanne, I don't think I've seen anyone dish out a microwaveable meal.  And breakfasts are always huge--rarely just a bowl of cereal.

[BatmanBeatles]

A lot of times the kids just grab some juice and toast on the way out.

[Bruinsfan]

Except for Robert Durst, of course.  He totally shot his elderly neighbor by accident in a self-defense related struggle over a gun, and then dismembered him to cover up the accidental, self-defending non-murder.  Totally.

Yeah, not at all suspicious. I mean, unless I believe a home intruder is some sort of supernatural creature that's going to rise from the grave and come after me again if I don't chop the body up or burn it, I think after dropping him my next step is to leave the home and notify the police from a safe location nearby.

[MaryPatShelby]

My favorite part of the huge breakfast that TV moms make their kids is that they prepare all this food, the kids sit down to eat like two bites then the mom yells at them to stop because they'll be late for school!

Which is another Only on TV thing...the kids are always gonna be late for school. In my kids entire growing up life, they were never late for school, nor did I have to yell at them all morning that they were going to be late for school.  Maybe I'm anal, but I always thought it was a good idea to get up at a time that allowed me to get ready without someone announcing that I was going to be late!!

[Sandman87]

My favorite part of the huge breakfast that TV moms make their kids is that they prepare all this food, the kids sit down to eat like two bites then the mom yells at them to stop because they'll be late for school!

That's at least in part because they never know during production how many times the scene will need to be re-shot. Even if they only eat a few mouthfuls during each take, the actors still end up stuffed if there's a problem getting the scene right.

[ganesh]

I think the point is that in a household with teens, the parents aren't getting up and making a big breakfast every day only to have the kids come in and sit down and have to leave for school in 5 minutes. 

 

I was never late either. I got up early took the dog out, sometimes plowed the driveway, and still ate breakfast.

 

On TV High School, the cheerleaders wear their cheer uniforms actually in school. This never happened in my HS. 

Edited May 2, 2015 by ganesh

[Raja]

I think the point is that in a household with teens, the parents aren't getting up and making a big breakfast every day only to have the kids come in and sit down and have to leave for school in 5 minutes.

I was never late either. I got up early took the dog out, sometimes plowed the driveway, and still ate breakfast.

On TV High School, the cheerleaders wear their cheer uniforms actually in school. This never happened in my HS.

Every Friday in football season our varsity cheerleaders came dressed. The lower level cheerleaders only for home games. In our usage of the term they were more songgirl dancers than Bring It On gymnasts

[DittyDotDot]

I think the point is that in a household with teens, the parents aren't getting up and making a big breakfast every day only to have the kids come in and sit down and have to leave for school in 5 minutes. 

 

I was never late either. I got up early took the dog out, sometimes plowed the driveway, and still ate breakfast.

 

On TV High School, the cheerleaders wear their cheer uniforms actually in school. This never happened in my HS. 

 

I was always on time too, but my mom went to work before we were up in the morning (although I generally got up and took her to the end of our road so we would then have the car and not have to walk the mile to the bus stop later), so my siblings and I had to get ourselves up, fed and off to school on our own. My oldest sister was not a morning person, though, and we'd have to pretty much drag her out of bed and nag her to get out the door on time. I joke with my middle sister now because one of her girls gets up on her own, gets dressed and is waiting in the car to go to school, the other one has to woken up a couple times and nagged all morning to get ready. I tell her she's got a little me and a little older sis.

 

Cheerleaders only wore their uniforms during games when I was in school. In fact, some years they couldn't find enough girls to even have a squad at our high school since most girls played sports and it was a pretty small school.  The local high school where I now live doesn't even have cheerleaders anymore.

 

Which leads me to...only on TV are all cheerleaders bitches who run the whole school and it's every girls' dream to be one of those bitches.

[ZuluQueenOfDwarves]

Maybe I, my mother, sisters, and girlfriends are odd, but only on tv have I ever seen women routinely put their hair up before bed. In my world, you put your hair up to clean, exercise, wash your face, whoop ass, or take some time to get it looking professional/fancy. You don't bother with a bun or a braid, no matter how sloppy, not to mention having your clip/elastic poking you while you sleep.

[ganesh]

Do people go to bed with their watches on?

[ChromaKelly]

The teenagers/breakfast thing bugs me too. It's usually like, mom makes a big pancakes and eggs breakfast. Kid walks through and goes "No time to eat, Mom! Gotta get to school." Mom looks disappointed, asks kid to at least eat something, so kid grabs a pancake and walks out while eating it. His ride honks the horn outside. Mom is then stuck with a bunch of leftover food.
Which is another TV thing - Making or bringing over food for people without asking them. It's normal on TV to drop by someone's house and say "I got your favorite pizza!" or make a fancy dinner without asking your significant other who has an unpredictable schedule if he or she will be home.

[kassygreene]

Maybe I, my mother, sisters, and girlfriends are odd, but only on tv have I ever seen women routinely put their hair up before bed. In my world, you put your hair up to clean, exercise, wash your face, whoop ass, or take some time to get it looking professional/fancy. You don't bother with a bun or a braid, no matter how sloppy, not to mention having your clip/elastic poking you while you sleep.

I'll braid my hair when it's long before bed.  Otherwise it can get pinned when I'm trying to turn over... which would wake me up, which would make me cranky, which the people I live with would prefer me to not be...

[janie jones]

Maybe I, my mother, sisters, and girlfriends are odd, but only on tv have I ever seen women routinely put their hair up before bed. In my world, you put your hair up to clean, exercise, wash your face, whoop ass, or take some time to get it looking professional/fancy. You don't bother with a bun or a braid, no matter how sloppy, not to mention having your clip/elastic poking you while you sleep.

I might put it in a low ponytail, but nothing more than that, because it creates a lump I don't want to sleep on.  And I have a pile of rubber bands on my nightstand that I have to clean up periodically because I'm always pulling the ponytail out.

Edited May 31, 2015 by janie jones

[andromeda331]

It's normal on TV to drop by someone's house and say "I got your favorite pizza!" or make a fancy dinner without asking your significant other who has an unpredictable schedule if he or she will be home.

 

Too bad it is only on tv. I wish someone would drop by my house sometimes with a free pizza.

[Raja]

Which is another TV thing - Making or bringing over food for people without asking them. It's normal on TV to drop by someone's house and say "I got your favorite pizza!" or make a fancy dinner without asking your significant other who has an unpredictable schedule if he or she will be home.

I remember that being a plot point of an Adam-12 episode, In the days before 24 hour news and cell phones if the police stopped by to visit a fellow officer's wife they brought something so that she wouldn't be scared that they were coming to  make a casualty notification.

[selkie]

Do people go to bed with their watches on?

 

I do because my vision is bad enough I can't see a normal alarm clock on the night stand. So it's a watch with a light and a digital display I can put three inches from my eyes so I can read a time on it.

[DittyDotDot]

Maybe I, my mother, sisters, and girlfriends are odd, but only on tv have I ever seen women routinely put their hair up before bed. In my world, you put your hair up to clean, exercise, wash your face, whoop ass, or take some time to get it looking professional/fancy. You don't bother with a bun or a braid, no matter how sloppy, not to mention having your clip/elastic poking you while you sleep.

 

I have very long hair and many times sleep with it in a braid. Mostly in the winter when it's really dry and my hair gets really static-y...it's annoying to wake up with your hair stuck to your face.

[BatmanBeatles]

High school reunions are actually held at your high school instead of some venue.

[topanga]

High school reunions are actually held at your high school instead of some venue.

 

And something BIG has to happen. I mean, I get it. If a tv show is going to center an entire episode around a reunion, then it has to be worth it.

Someone has to get murdered (Psych) or has a run-in with The One Who Got Away (Selfie), or the nerd returns with a great life (30 Rock, but with a nice twist--Liz learns she was actually a mean girl) in high school. It happens in movies, too: (Veronica Mars, Grosse Pointe Blank, Romy and Michele's HS Reunion, Peggy Sue Go Married).

 

My favorite has to be the Psych episode ("Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?")

[ganesh]

Psych did a good job of taking those tropes and making them entertaining. 

[Rick Kitchen]

I don't have a watch.  I just use my phone, which I keep by the bed at night (with ring turned off while I'm sleeping).

[ganesh]

Our high school reunion was held in a cool venue in the city. A few of the local classmates just started posting on FB to gauge interest, how much we'd pay, etc., and put it all together. It was so much fun. 

[Moose135]

High school reunions are actually held at your high school instead of some venue.

 

They did for many years at my old high school.  When my class had its 20th reunion, the planners decided to go to an outside location, and didn't get much cooperation from the school staff in tracking people down.