Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Bruinsfan]

then again, people were very calm during tornado warnings.

People are like that around here, but I blame it on our local storm team breaking into programming to warn us about the imminent doom every time a raincloud appears on the radar and desensitizing the public. Hey Chicken Little, we do occasionally get actual tornados, maybe you should save the panic for when a storm shelter is a more appropriate response to the weather than an umbrella!

[HonestlyWTF]

Here in TX, every weather report on one of the stations is "STORM TEAM", no matter what the weather is. When they're correct about a forecast, especially a major weather event (which is very rare) they pat themselves on the back and toot their own horns on commercials for months.

Same goes for their "investigative reports", which uncover corruption but rarely get results.

Edited December 10, 2014 by HonestlyWTF

[blueray]

My news obsesses over the weather, generally when a snow storm or lake effect is going to hit us. Though as a city we are generally plowed and ready to go the next day.

[kiddo82]

People are like that around here, but I blame it on our local storm team breaking into programming to warn us about the imminent doom every time a raincloud appears on the radar and desensitizing the public. Hey Chicken Little, we do occasionally get actual tornados, maybe you should save the panic for when a storm shelter is a more appropriate response to the weather than an umbrella!

I would love if just one station would say "We know we've sensationalized in the past for ratings but we're not embellishing on this one, people. It's the big one."

I love how they're always encouraging people to "stay off the roads." It's 3 inches of snow, not 12, and the company I work for doesn't care.

[lucindabelle]

Hah. During sandy I literally could not get out of my neighborhood. Trees blocked the way. Lost power. Governor told everyone to stay home.

My company said if we didn't work we didn't get paid,

If a live wire had killed me on the way in I don't think they'd have considered themselves liable, though.

[ganesh]

Only on tv do people just flat out quit their jobs because they're Ready For Something New. No worries about not having income for an indefinite period of time. Then they just end up as "consultants" anyway; effectively the same job. 

[Raja]

It may be a tradition left somewhere but I have only seen people wait until Christmas eve to get a tree on TV

[ganesh]

When is like the day after thanksgiving and there's trees up in my neighborhood.

[Rick Kitchen]

TV shows and movies show me that people put up their trees on Christmas Eve.  Some people even tell their kids that Santa brings the tree.

[ChromaKelly]

People always have enough cash on them for whatever the situation warrants. Unless they don't for comedic purposes.

[janie jones]

Only on tv do people just flat out quit their jobs because they're Ready For Something New. No worries about not having income for an indefinite period of time. Then they just end up as "consultants" anyway; effectively the same job. 

And they never give two weeks' notice, either.  It's always, "I quit!" and two minutes later they're carrying out their belongings in one of those brown file boxes.

 

People always have enough cash on them for whatever the situation warrants. Unless they don't for comedic purposes.

And if they're a man, it's usually in a fat wad in their pocket, not in a wallet.

[BatmanBeatles]

 

And they never give two weeks' notice, either.  It's always, "I quit!" and two minutes later they're carrying out their belongings in one of those brown file boxes.

All it takes is one box for all your stuff.

[Kromm]

All it takes is one box for all your stuff.

Also, how do people consistently get those boxes?  As far as I can tell the standard TV "you got fired" walkaway box is maybe one of those boxes that hold ten reams of copy paper.  So is there always a convenient empty one of those in every workplace in TV land?

[kiddo82]

Only on TV do people casually brush off the police.  The police come by to question you about your sketchy neighbor:  "I'm sorry, I've got to go to work.."/"Can't this wait?"/"How long is this gonna take?"  I'd be so flustered I'd forget I even had a job.   

[cpcathy]

Yes! And they keep doing what they're doing, even though the police are asking them questions! No one seems to sit down and act nervous just because--hey, police! They keep bussing tables or working on paperwork or cleaning their house! Stop what you're doing!

[Sandman87]

Also, how do people consistently get those boxes? As far as I can tell the standard TV "you got fired" walkaway box is maybe one of those boxes that hold ten reams of copy paper. So is there always a convenient empty one of those in every workplace in TV land?

Most large real life companies keep a supply of moving boxes (designed to fold up for easy storage when not in use) on hand because individual employees are constantly transferring from department to department and site to site. And yes, they get used when an employee quits or gets fired as well. And they're almost exactly the same size as the boxes that printer paper ships in, which is really convenient for moving people who have been keeping stuff those sort of boxes.

[ganesh]

Why don't the police just say, "stop what you're doing and look at me when I'm talking to you?'

[Joe]

Yes! And they keep doing what they're doing, even though the police are asking them questions! No one seems to sit down and act nervous just because--hey, police! They keep bussing tables or working on paperwork or cleaning their house! Stop what you're doing!

Apparently that's an actor thing. They like the two things at once. Also, it provides a somewhat more interesting visual than just stopping and talking.

[FormerMod-a1]

Yes and no.  They can do things without looking rude about it, like they are just so put out to be talking to the police.  And most bosses would let their employee slow down a little (if not stop) to talk to the police.  It's not like the same as when friends stop by and distract them.  Basically there are other ways to go about it.  The could stop speed walking or stocking shelves and start fiddling with their phone instead or mindlessly page through a book or something. 

[Moose135]

Also, it provides a somewhat more interesting visual than just stopping and talking.

 

That's why Aaron Sorkin raised the "walk and talk" to an art form.

[Misslindsey]

If you are an adult female there is a good chance that the gift you always wanted for Christmas, but never got, was an Easy-Bake Oven. Your significant other will proceed to get this for you. If it is a comedy some wacky hijinks will be involved.

[ganesh]

I don't know. I watched several scenes on Ripper Street where the cops and the suspects sat across from one another and just talked. It was pretty compelling with dense dialogue. The "doing two things at once" is a misdirect con to cover up cliched and derivative writing. 

[kiddo82]

Yes and no.  They can do things without looking rude about it, like they are just so put out to be talking to the police.  And most bosses would let their employee slow down a little (if not stop) to talk to the police.  It's not like the same as when friends stop by and distract them.  Basically there are other ways to go about it.  The could stop speed walking or stocking shelves and start fiddling with their phone instead or mindlessly page through a book or something. 

 

Hell, if I run a restaurant or a hotel or a market or an office, there is no way I want my customers seeing the police talking to an employee.  You'd' think the lost labor would be worth it to have that conversation take place in back room or something. 

[janie jones]

Apparently that's an actor thing. They like the two things at once. Also, it provides a somewhat more interesting visual than just stopping and talking.

Well if that's the case then, they could do a Sorkin walk-and-talk to the back room or something, rather than having the person be so rude to the cops.

 

Most large real life companies keep a supply of moving boxes (designed to fold up for easy storage when not in use) on hand because individual employees are constantly transferring from department to department and site to site. And yes, they get used when an employee quits or gets fired as well. And they're almost exactly the same size as the boxes that printer paper ships in, which is really convenient for moving people who have been keeping stuff those sort of boxes.

Even if they didn't, you could just take the reams of paper out of the copy paper box and use the box.  That's what I used to do when I was desperate for a box at my old work.

[Bruinsfan]

Hell, if I run a restaurant or a hotel or a market or an office, there is no way I want my customers seeing the police talking to an employee.  You'd' think the lost labor would be worth it to have that conversation take place in back room or something. 

I know when the FBI needed to speak to me at work there was no problem stopping everything and letting me use my boss' office for a private conversation. And that was for a routine background check, not a homicide investigation! Unless you're a surgeon elbow-deep in a patient, you can spare a few minutes of undivided attention for the people who could send you up the river for 20 to life!

[ABay]

the people who could send you up the river for 20 to life

And that's why you should never speak to them without a lawyer. You always have the right to remain silent.

[ganesh]

And when the questioned person gets huffy, they're told that "We can do this here or downtown." 

[Raja]

Why don't the police just say, "stop what you're doing and look at me when I'm talking to you?'

Ex cop in real life Dennis Farina did during his stint on Law & Order as Det Fontana

[BrittaBot]

Only on TV do insanely overbearing, hovering, involved-in-every-inch of your life parents NOT move their children into college. Instead they just stand outside in their yard or at the airport and tearfully wave goodbye while Junior heads to college with one suitcase and a backpack.

 

See Adam and Kristina Braverman and Mr. and Mrs. Coach from Friday Night Lights (although I like Mr. and Mrs. Taylor and think they were great parents).

 

But seriously, the only TV show or movie I've seen where the parents actually moved the kid into college was in The Kids Are Alright. So you're expecting me to believe that Kristina Braverman, who would watch her kids take a shit if she could, did not move her precious daughter into college? That makes no sense logically either. How is an 18-year-old girl going to lug a ton of shit up staircases? At my school for freshmen, they had upperclassmen who helped with moving on that weekend but I do not think that is the norm. And still, I do not know one single person whose parents did not help them move into college.

 

Also, only on TV do high school seniors make a decision about where they are going to college before they even apply for financial aid and get a financial aid package. Also, student loans most of the time do not exist on TV.

 

Also only on TV does a stay-at-home mom who hasn't had a job in 16 years magically get two dream jobs as a campaign manager for a CITY COUNCIL position and there is enough money in that fund for her to hire an assistant. Also I guess elections are like in April now, not November.

 

This turned into a Parenthood rant about how much I hate Kristina and Adam Braverman, lol. Sorry, they are just so ridiculous.(Only at the beginning of S4 on Netflix though.)

Edited January 1, 2015 by BrittaBot

[DittyDotDot]

And still, I do not know one single person whose parents did not help them move into college.

 

You do now (sort of). But I'm old and also I had to walk to school in five feet of snow, uphill both ways. ;)

 

Many city, county and school elections are in April or May depending on the location, only federal ones are always in November.

[ganesh]

My parents helped me plan for what I needed for my first semester of college over that summer and even gave me a talk about if I got afraid or overwhelmed to call them immediately and not make bad choices. 

 

TV is stupid. Going to college is a big deal.

[merylinkid]

Of course the parents don't help the kid move in.   Either the kid 1) got into the local state university which ranks right up there with Harvard and will live at home or 2) they had no time to plan the move since the kid applied to college the day before graduation with no college visits or comparing schools or looking at requirements while a sophomore so they knew what classes they had to take in high school in order to get in.

[rue721]

Hell, if I run a restaurant or a hotel or a market or an office, there is no way I want my customers seeing the police talking to an employee.  You'd' think the lost labor would be worth it to have that conversation take place in back room or something. 

 

Depends on what the cops are coming by for, maybe? At one restaurant where I worked, this man laid in wait in the women's restroom and attacked an employee when she went in. The employee started screaming and got out, but then the man ran out of the bathroom, too, and a bunch of the guys who were at the restaurant for lunch got up from their meals and chased him down. For some reason, there was always a squad car parked right outside that restaurant just as a general rule (they also used to set up a sobriety checkpoint on that same block a lot of weekends), so the cops got to that guy pretty fast, he was barely a block away when he got caught. When the police came into the restaurant right afterward, afaik, nobody was upset to see them. The whole place was kind of frozen in shock, and the employee who'd been attacked was back in the manager's office trying to calm down. But even though we were all more-or-less happy for them to be there and had all more-or-less seen what happened, the cops still didn't question anyone right there out on the floor. It's kind of cruel to question someone in front of a restaurant full of customers, you know? All the employees and customers involved were taken one by one into the manager's office to be questioned.

 

At another restaurant where I worked, I did cocktail up on the rooftop bar most days, and there were about two months when the elevator broke down EVERY FREAKING DAY. This was a three story restaurant, with the bar kitchen on the ground floor (and the fine dining kitchen on the second floor), so there was LOTS AND LOTS of carrying heavy stuff up and down the narrow back stairs from the roof and back. And obviously it wasn't a great situation for anyone with mobility issues who actually wanted to go upstairs to have a drink -- or, god forbid, get back down again. The good news is that now I can carry a french press of coffee and full coffee service (including cups, saucers, spoons, creamer, and sugar) up and down three sets of stairs just in my hands and with no tray, no problem! Maybe that'll come in handy one day. Anyway, during that period, basically every day that we actually let people use the elevator, it would break down (invariably with costumers trapped inside) and the firefighters and the fire marshal would have to come by to bust it open and evacuate the roof. Even when the elevator by and large was working again, the firefighters and fire marshal would often come by to check for any problems because they didn't trust us not to have any fire hazards! This was last year, but the place is now closed, of course. ANYWAY the point is, it *was* pretty terrible to have bunches of firefighters trooping through the bar, literally carrying axes and things. Many of them were extremely hot, so at first it was kind of a nice diversion (except for the people trapped in the elevator, natch) but really, nobody wants to see a sweaty man in a T-shirt carrying an ax on their shoulder just walking around the bar while they're trying to relax. Once something is happening every day, you kind of have to find a way to keep working through it. So eventually, we'd all keep working as much as possible while they were around in order to minimize the disruption and reassure the customers that there was nothing to worry about.

 

My point is, maybe the characters on these shows are just CONSTANTLY having to deal with cops or other authorities hanging out and talking to them at their places of business, so they've learned to keep the disruption to a minimum and to just keep doing their work! Maybe the cops are just always having to go to these places of business and are irritated and want to throw their weight around by questioning the employees out on the floor! Doubt it, but hey.

 

That said, cops used to come into that first restaurant I mentioned a fair amount for lunch, and I hated serving them despite them being perfectly fine customers, just because something about serving a table full of cops was inherently high stress. Any dealings with the police or the authorities are inherently high stress! Who tells the police they don't have time to talk to them or acts rude or brusque with them? Come on.

 

Only on TV do insanely overbearing, hovering, involved-in-every-inch of your life parents NOT move their children into college. Instead they just stand outside in their yard or at the airport and tearfully wave goodbye while Junior heads to college with one suitcase and a backpack.

 

IA that the Bravermans are such PITAs that I can't believe that Kristina wasn't decorating her daughter's dorm room herself, let alone that she would let her go off to college without more meddling. But to be fair, I went to college with just a suitcase and a backpack for a few semesters. When I was at school close to home, my parents would drive me (not that I had a license or a car myself at that time) with all my stuff in the trunk, or I'd take the train/bus/etc to campus with my suitcase. They did drive me in for my first semester ever and help me move in. When I was at school a plane ride away, though, obviously they weren't going to get tickets, too, and come with me. Eventually I got pretty good at packing and didn't have any trouble transporting myself, but after my first semester freshman year, I tried to come home by just putting everything in a laundry bag and taking public transportation, but of course the laundry bag was too heavy for me to carry and I had to drag it all over the place, including through Union Station. Luckily, there were a lot of nice people on the way who carried it for me here and there. That thing was in tatters by the time I got to my parents' house, though. Ruined a pair of nice pajamas that way.

 

Also, only on TV do high school seniors make a decision about where they are going to college before they even apply for financial aid and get a financial aid package. Also, student loans most of the time do not exist on TV.

 

Yeah, this bugs me, too. Why don't they just have people take out loans or get (normal, not "free ride plus all living expenses!") financial aid packages? It wouldn't even change the stories that much, except to make them more relatable. 99% of the people watching have some kind of debt, so I don't know why it's a big deal if the characters do, too.

 

On that same note, why do people have to live so lavishly, especially in such lavish houses, on television? I just watched Paranormal Activity:  The Marked Ones, and the apartment building the characters live in is just like my old building in LA -- it was fantastic to see the action taking place in a normal setting like that! Why do all the characters have to be mysteriously wealthy all the time?

 

It tends to irritate me in general, but one of the most memorable times when a character's bizarrely lavish lifestyle just made it impossible for me to suspend my disbelief and enjoy the storyline was on The Guardian back in the day. The lead's father starts dating this older woman who works as a waitress in a diner and who is raising her granddaughter alone (the woman is played by Farrah Fawcett). Something happens (she gets sick or something?) and he goes to her house to help, and it turns out that she lives in this beautiful bungalow that there is a zero percent chance she could actually afford getting paid in tips on hamburgers ffs.

 

One of the most galling shows in terms of "how are these people *all* millionaires?" based on the sets is The Vampire Diaries, imo. Characters literally live in the old plantation houses that their families have had for generations. It's kind of horrifying tbh. It would be better if they were just broke. And there, too, the characters' parents (the leads are teens) don't work or they have jobs that just can't pay a lot, like someone's parent will be the mayor of tiny little Mystic Falls. So the characters not only live in old plantation houses, their families are also apparently living off of "old" money from antebellum days?! Wtf.

 

It's also confusing when shows bring money into a storyline, like if they do a storyline about one character or family being wealthier than another and that causing tension, since *all* the characters look like they have money based on the set design.

Edited January 1, 2015 by rue721

[MaryMitch]

Here's one that bugs me... when someone gets shot, or even gets into a fistfight in a public place, there's always some fool woman screaming her head off. I can see myself screaming in terror if I was being personally attacked, but if I hear a gunshot I sure wouldn't waste energy screaming; I might utter "oh shit" or something like that, but scream?

[shapeshifter]

Here's one that bugs me... when someone gets shot, or even gets into a fistfight in a public place, there's always some fool woman screaming her head off. I can see myself screaming in terror if I was being personally attacked, but if I hear a gunshot I sure wouldn't waste energy screaming; I might utter "oh shit" or something like that, but scream?

Thank you. I thought it was just me, but then I only scream when attacked if I think the perp will be scared off because others will hear. Likewise, I don't scream in childbirth. I am small and weak and must conserve energy. Screaming uses up a lot of energy.

Some dramedy crime shows always end the opening scene with a woman screaming. Then I don't mind it so much because it is a parody of the more serious shows that have people screaming for no reason. But it still bugs.

IDK. Maybe some people would scream when they see something horrible?

[MrsClaus]

If I hear a gun shot, I'm sure not screaming and drawing attention to myself.  I'm going to be quiet and get the hell out of there.

[BrittaBot]

Rue721, I agree. I should have made my post more clearer. I don't know anyone whose parents didn't help them move in the first semester. After that, yeah doesn't matter as much. But I cannot be expected to believe the Bravermans didn't even see where Hattie was going to college, let alone help her move in.

[Misslindsey]

 

But I cannot be expected to believe the Bravermans didn't even see where Hattie was going to college, let alone help her move in.

I can, because Hattie is not Max. Hattie and Nora were afterthoughts to Max.

[DittyDotDot]

Rue721, I agree. I should have made my post more clearer. I don't know anyone whose parents didn't help them move in the first semester.

 

It's like you can't eve see me. I'm jumping up and down and shouting over here. ;)

 

I knew what you meant and I packed my things by myself and drove myself to college that first semester, my mother wasn't even home the day I left for college as I recall. But, that wasn't all that uncommon with the crowd I went to college with. What I was getting at is, I think the people running and writing some of these shows are of an older generation who did pack themselves off to college, so it's reflecting their own experiences rather than how things are done currently.

[rue721]

Rue721, I agree. I should have made my post more clearer. I don't know anyone whose parents didn't help them move in the first semester. After that, yeah doesn't matter as much. But I cannot be expected to believe the Bravermans didn't even see where Hattie was going to college, let alone help her move in.

 

I can, because Hattie is not Max. Hattie and Nora were afterthoughts to Max.

 

What I would have expected would have been for Kristina to have taken Hattie to campus, but then to have spent the vast majority of "moving day" getting Max onto a pre-college tour for the place and fretting over whether he'd ever go there. Maybe Mattie could have fallen down the dorm stairs trying to get all her stuff up to her room by herself, gotten rushed to the ER, and Kristina could have found a way to pay attention to her that way (though of course, the problem then would be -- who is going to look after Max while Kristina's at the hospital?! So no guarantees, sorry Hattie).

 

But the whole thing with Hattie and college was stupid. Wasn't that when Kristina was bouncing checks all over the place because the Luncheonette was going down the tubes, but then the Bravermans somehow had enough money to *still* pay out of pocket for Hattie's whole college? And now Hattie's going abroad while Amber moans about how broke she is and how she'll never be able to go abroad herself, even though Amber works for the same family business that Adam makes his money from (and Adam is supporting his whole family, including Hattie's trip abroad, on his salary from there)? Whatever, that show makes no sense about money. My favorite was when Zeek and Millie "downsized" to a San Fransisco townhouse.

 

I actually started watching it because it seemed sort of educational in the sense of, "this is how entitled upper middle class WASPs act! if you want to get along with them, expect this!" Sort of like a travel guide. But the show has just spun out of control at this point. What's kind of frustrating/hilarious is that, how money is always just magically appearing for the Bravermans actually could be really fun, in a fantastical, wish-fulfillment-y kind of way, except that like half the show's plotlines are about the characters worrying about money!

[shapeshifter]

Not "only on TV," but seemingly always on TV the detectives will enter a darkened room with flashlights shining and even if there is nobody home and there's a lightswitch on the wall, they will not turn it on.

Dear directors: This does not fill me with dread and suspense; it annoys me and makes me yell at the TV: Turn on the frickin light!

ETA regarding the discussion upthread: I still feel bad about not being able to move my middle daughter into her dorm room, but the same day she flew to the east coast to start college, her younger sister and I flew to the midwest so I could start a new job with a tuition benefit for the middle daughter. The oldest daughter didn't get mommy moving her in either, but that's a longer story.

Edited January 2, 2015 by shapeshifter

[Ceindreadh]

Not "only on TV," but seemingly always on TV the detectives will enter a darkened room with flashlights shining and even if there is nobody home and there's a lightswitch on the wall, they will not turn it on.

Dear directors: This does not fill me with dread and suspense; it annoys me and makes me yell at the TV: Turn on the frickin light!

 

 

I assumed that they just didn't want to disturb a potential crime scene i.e. if a perp had switched the lights off, there could be prints/dna on the switch, so until it's cleared they have to leave everything as it was.

[CoderLady]

I assumed that they just didn't want to disturb a potential crime scene i.e. if a perp had switched the lights off, there could be prints/dna on the switch, so until it's cleared they have to leave everything as it was.

 

But they could use the second most useful tool (behind that flashlight) in the detective's toolkit, the ballpoint pen. Pens are useful in picking up items at the crime scene like guns and nasty-looking cloth items that could contain DNA. Flipping a light switch should be no big thing.

[janie jones]

Here's one that bugs me... when someone gets shot, or even gets into a fistfight in a public place, there's always some fool woman screaming her head off. I can see myself screaming in terror if I was being personally attacked, but if I hear a gunshot I sure wouldn't waste energy screaming; I might utter "oh shit" or something like that, but scream?

I startle very easily, as in, I'll cry out if someone walks into the room unexpectedly, so I probably would scream, so I get that.  But I certainly wouldn't continue to scream.

[Raja]

I assumed that they just didn't want to disturb a potential crime scene i.e. if a perp had switched the lights off, there could be prints/dna on the switch, so until it's cleared they have to leave everything as it was.

I remember on Stargate Universe there was a search for a gun and there was the character Eli with his little flashlight instead of lighting up the room. I concluded that he had a flashlight because that is how Grissom searched on CSI

[andromeda331]

When looking up someone on cop shows they never need to know how the name is spelled wouldn't that come in handy in making sure your looking at the right person's information? Or their computers must be really good because if they put in Allison Smith it'll some how find Allyson Smythe. Its small but as someone who spends the first five minutes on every call at work verifying the spelling of first and last name to make sure its the right person. One misspelling or letter off and your looking at a whole other person's file. And yet the cops never need to do that. Or their computer never "surprises" them with something completely else.   

[Moose135]

When looking up someone on cop shows they never need to know how the name is spelled wouldn't that come in handy in making sure your looking at the right person's information? 

Doesn't matter - arrest them all, and let the DA sort it out...

[legaleagle53]

Except for "crazy hairy Rob Lowe".  Ick.

 

Gay men have been waxing and/or shaving themselves all over, including "down under," for at least 10 years now.  For some reason, they think it makes them look sexy to look like someone who's never even heard of puberty, much less finished it.

Edited January 10, 2015 by legaleagle53

[supposebly]

 

Not "only on TV," but seemingly always on TV the detectives will enter a darkened room with flashlights shining and even if there is nobody home and there's a lightswitch on the wall, they will not turn it on.

I've seen this complaint before. As I remember, someone who seemed to know what they were talking about, commented that it's actually easier to see detail with flashlights in the dark instead of when the lights are turned on. For details, it's actually better.

[ganesh]

I didn't think body shaving was a gay thing. I know people, like a friend, that have been doing it for a long time. Some people just like the look.