Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[meep.meep]

I am only reporting what I saw on TV.  I have never used one.

[Madding crowd]

All people that are injured on TV refuse medical help. Even if they are beaten with a baseball bat and are told they might have a serious head injury they say “Nah, I’m fine “ and walk away. We never even see them put ice packs on their head and go to bed. 

[kiddo82]

My favorite are the "tough guy" (or girl) injuries.  Someone gets punched in the face and all they get is a mild cut over their eye or a bloody nose.  The face doesn't puff up, the eye doesn't swell shut, and no one turns 4 different shades of red and purple.  I always appreciate when a show goes for the ugly instead.

[ShortyMac]

On 10/12/2020 at 7:03 PM, kiddo82 said:

My favorite are the "tough guy" (or girl) injuries.  Someone gets punched in the face and all they get is a mild cut over their eye or a bloody nose.  The face doesn't puff up, the eye doesn't swell shut, and no one turns 4 different shades of red and purple.  I always appreciate when a show goes for the ugly instead.

One thing that always takes me out of a fight scene is when someone is thrown through glass (window/table) and there's not a scratch on them.

[DoctorAtomic]

Didn't Charles Barkley throw someone through a window irl? 

[Kel Varnsen]

On 10/12/2020 at 5:47 PM, Madding crowd said:

All people that are injured on TV refuse medical help. Even if they are beaten with a baseball bat and are told they might have a serious head injury they say “Nah, I’m fine “ and walk away. We never even see them put ice packs on their head and go to bed. 

Serious brain injuries aren't really a thing on tv. People get knocked out all the time and eventually just sort of wake up as if their alarm went off in the morning, and everything is fine. Even though if you get hit in the head hard enough to lose consciousness that probably means a concussion. And multiple concussions can mean permanent brain damage. 

As for tough guys and refusing treatment if you are a tough guy and something traumatic happens, you don't need to talk to no shrink.

Edited October 15, 2020 by Kel Varnsen

[paulvdb]

And if you do end up in the hospital you'll wake up, pull out your IV, get out of bed and leave the hospital. Tough guys don't wait to be discharged by a doctor.

[Haleth]

Jack Bauer died and still saved the world by the end of the day.

[Shannon L.]

I have no idea if this is real or not, but I'd like to think that it's only on tv:  People who work together on research or writing a book or a project always fight over whose name to put first on said book/paper/project. 

[Katy M]

25 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

I have no idea if this is real or not, but I'd like to think that it's only on tv:  People who work together on research or writing a book or a project always fight over whose name to put first on said book/paper/project. 

I have absolutely no doubt that is a real thing.

[Blergh]

5 hours ago, paulvdb said:

And if you do end up in the hospital you'll wake up, pull out your IV, get out of bed and leave the hospital. Tough guys don't wait to be discharged by a doctor.

They also NEVER mention having to go bankrupt and/or losing their houses as a result of leaving said hospital without being officially discharged. That's because the insurance companies almost universally will refuse to pay a DIME of the hospital bill for patients who amscray too soon. 

[DoctorAtomic]

2 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

I have no idea if this is real or not, but I'd like to think that it's only on tv:  People who work together on research or writing a book or a project always fight over whose name to put first on said book/paper/project. 

Usually not. There's accepted norms for who is first and last. Actually, the last position can be important. 

[Zella]

4 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

I have no idea if this is real or not, but I'd like to think that it's only on tv:  People who work together on research or writing a book or a project always fight over whose name to put first on said book/paper/project. 

I do freelance editing work and have been periodically caught in shit fights between co-authors on how the book is credited. I actually pulled out of a project because of someone doing this in a way I considered unethical. (That wasn't order so much as wording. One party inflated their role in the project in the way it was credited.)

[smittykins]

Even if you spend years in a coma, as soon as you wake up, you’ll immediately recognize everyone in the room and ask for a pizza.

[Katy M]

6 hours ago, Blergh said:

They also NEVER mention having to go bankrupt and/or losing their houses as a result of leaving said hospital without being officially discharged. That's because the insurance companies almost universally will refuse to pay a DIME of the hospital bill for patients who amscray too soon. 

 I have a friend who never pays hospital bills. She says you don't have to.  Not really sure how that works, nor do I want to as I'm not a thief, but it seems to work out fine for her.

[DoctorAtomic]

I always insist on the coveted 'with' for my author credit on a paper because on tv it's a big deal. 

[ABay]

I'm going for Very Special Guest Star next time.

[auntlada]

3 hours ago, smittykins said:

Even if you spend years in a coma, as soon as you wake up, you’ll immediately recognize everyone in the room and ask for a pizza.

Except for that woman who your family thinks is your fiance but who you have never actually met.

[Lugal]

On 10/14/2020 at 10:27 AM, Kel Varnsen said:

Serious brain injuries aren't really a thing on tv. People get knocked out all the time and eventually just sort of wake up as if their alarm went off in the morning, and everything is fine. Even though if you get hit in the head hard enough to lose consciousness that probably means a concussion. And multiple concussions can mean permanent brain damage. 

I only remember a few times when it comes up, like Brooklyn 99 when Amy hit her head and her response was "I'm fone!" and on Lodge 49 Dud did admit he was badly concussed when he married Beth.

What gets me is when they knock people out and they stay out for several hours.  In actuality, if they're out for more than a few minutes it could be a severe problem and there's not much difference between a knockout blow and a killing blow.

Edited October 15, 2020 by Lugal

[meep.meep]

2 hours ago, DoctorAtomic said:

I always insist on the coveted 'with' for my author credit on a paper because on tv it's a big deal. 

I saw a show with a couple of actors who claimed that "is" is the credit you want.  Like Daniel Radcliffe is Harry Potter!  Jane Fonda is Barbarella!

I work in government research - paper authorship is a huge fighting deal in real life.  Scientists are not always nice people who get along.  That's one thing the Big Bang Theory gets right.

[Stats Queen]

8 hours ago, DoctorAtomic said:

Usually not. There's accepted norms for who is first and last. Actually, the last position can be important. 

Authorship order is incredibly important in professional and academic peer-reviewed publications, it signifies the contribution level of each author. I know of many instances where the first two authors have a problem with who is listed first. 
I don’t know about other venues or types of publications, but I can really see how it can create real tensions. 
As @Zella has experienced, it really can be a nightmare.

3 hours ago, Katy M said:

 I have a friend who never pays hospital bills. She says you don't have to.  Not really sure how that works, nor do I want to as I'm not a thief, but it seems to work out fine for her.

Well, if she doesn’t pay her bills, someone does in the long run, which leads to increased insurance premiums for many of us.

 

 

[Kel Varnsen]

2 hours ago, Lugal said:

I only remember a few times when it comes up, like Brooklyn 99 when Amy hit her head and her response was "I'm fone!" and on Lodge 49 Dud did admit he was badly concussed when he married Beth.

What gets me is when they knock people out and they stay out for several hours.  In actuality, if they're out for more than a few minutes it could be a severe problem and there's not much difference between a knockout blow and a killing blow.

Yea head injuries are no joke. An old boss of my mom's slipped on some icy steps and hit his head and for the rest of his life he basically had the intelligence of a child. To bring this back to less depressing things, my wife and I recently did a rewatch of Alias and with the amount of times the main characters on that show get knocked out, they should barely be able to tie their shoes, much less manage complicated spy missions.

[DoctorAtomic]

16 hours ago, Stats Queen said:

Authorship order is incredibly important in professional and academic peer-reviewed publications, it signifies the contribution level of each author. I know of many instances where the first two authors have a problem with who is listed first. 

Yes and no. I have a lot of them. Like I said, it's really the first and last positions that are the 'and' and 'with' of tv. I only had one person asked to switch one time, and we flipped on two papers on being last, so we decided to just go back and forth from then on. In between, either you did a little work, or your friend is throwing you a bone. 

I've had a few concussions and it fucks you UP. They had to do smelling salts on me once. 

[KittyMom4]

22 hours ago, Katy M said:

I have a friend who never pays hospital bills. She says you don't have to.  Not really sure how that works, nor do I want to as I'm not a thief, but it seems to work out fine for her.

My daughter has a friend who owes hundreds in parking tickets and fines, her license is suspended and there is a warrant for her arrest in another state (where some of the fines were incurred), she lives her life like it's no big deal. Drives a car, has a job, etc. She says, they can't make her pay. People like that scare me.

[Shannon L.]

I used to know someone who ignores jury duty summons.  He said that they don't ask for a signature, so there's no way to prove that you got it and that it wasn't lost in the mail. So much for civic duty (I hate getting them and pray that I'm dismissed, but I don't think I could ignore them).

[KittyMom4]

4 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

(I hate getting them and pray that I'm dismissed, but I don't think I could ignore them).

I am happy to get mine, I was on a kidnapping & murder* trial 7 or 8 years ago, it was very interesting and I learned quite a bit. I know I'm one of the few.

*we found him not guilty of murder, guilty of kidnapping in the 2nd degree.

 

[Katy M]

56 minutes ago, BexKeps said:

My daughter has a friend who owes hundreds in parking tickets and fines, her license is suspended and there is a warrant for her arrest in another state (where some of the fines were incurred), she lives her life like it's no big deal. Drives a car, has a job, etc. She says, they can't make her pay. People like that scare me.

If I ever get jury duty, I hope it's for a more minor offense.  I get a lot of anxiety when I'm in charge of important decisions.

[ABay]

With regard to author order: It varies by discipline. In some fields, being first indicates that person was the lead, but in others authors are always listed alphabetically. I served on the promotion and tenure committee for years and we always had to ask the candidates to explain their role.

[DoctorAtomic]

I went to jury duty in my crappy jacket and didn't shave and they dismissed me. 

[DrSpaceman73]

On tv, voice changes come on suddenly and happen right around a big concert, play or some critical artistic performance. 

[Moose135]

3 hours ago, DoctorAtomic said:

I went to jury duty in my crappy jacket and didn't shave and they dismissed me. 

Good thing they didn’t lock you up for contempt of court. 😀

[kiddo82]

I saw this twice this week.  Once on TV and once in a movie but I've also seen it prior numerous times over. 

Good guys vs bad guys.  Good guys manage to get a hostage that has a close relationship to head bad guy.  The hostage is either the head henchman, the henchman that happens to be the head bad guy's brother, or someone like a wife/girlfriend who is otherwise not connected to the crime.  The good guys taunt/dangle this leverage in front of the head bad guy.  Head bad guy kills the hostage himself so there is no more leverage.  Good guys are back to square one.

[merylinkid]

On tv, they always do amazing shenanigans to get out of jury duty.   

Me, I have the perfect out.   I still gotta report but I just say the magic word "Lawyer."   I don't even get called to a panel and am usually out by noon.  One time I got called for the same day I had a trial already set (not a jury trial THAT would have been hilarous hijinks worthy of tv).   I just called the jury person at the courthouse, and they reset me for a new date I was available.   

[Quof]

2 hours ago, merylinkid said:

Me, I have the perfect out. 

There was a jury trial in my city involving gang activity, so no one wanted to be on the jury and the Sheriff had to go seek out potential jurors.  A group of my colleagues and I were on our way to lunch when the Sheriff approached us on the street; he just started to speak when one of my colleagues realized what he was doing and piped up "Oh, you don't want us.  We're all lawyers.  And this one is married to the prosecutor."  We carried on to lunch.

[Blergh]

22 hours ago, BexKeps said:

My daughter has a friend who owes hundreds in parking tickets and fines, her license is suspended and there is a warrant for her arrest in another state (where some of the fines were incurred), she lives her life like it's no big deal. Drives a car, has a job, etc. She says, they can't make her pay. People like that scare me.

Alas, I've learned the hard way that those are the folks that one must feel sorry for from a distance- otherwise they'll do everything  they can to drag one into their messes (and they're by no means as cute, funny or worth dealing with as depicted on TV or movies). Hopefully, your daughter will wake up and smell the skunk cabbage  and draw that conclusion before she gets scorched! 

[DoctorAtomic]

16 hours ago, Moose135 said:

Good thing they didn’t lock you up for contempt of court. 😀

It was the selection process not a trial.

My dad was on a *grand* jury though. In *Florida*. 

[Blergh]

Has anyone on TV who was a jury holdout ever said that that was the last time they got selected for a jury?

Long-short is that I used to get notice every three years until I got put on a jury and it wound up that I was the lone dissenter  though I did ultimately vote with the rest. Still, it's been about eight years since the city has  sent me any summonses to participate. 

[Bastet]

7 hours ago, merylinkid said:

Me, I have the perfect out.   I still gotta report but I just say the magic word "Lawyer." 

Exactly.  I was summoned recently (civil trials are still continued until next year, but criminal trials resumed last month) and thought, "I don't normally mind wasting a day, but I don't want to during a pandemic; can't I just call and say 'I'm a civil rights lawyer; the prosecutor will dismiss me immediately'?"  I never wound up having to go in.

I served on a couple of juries before I became a lawyer, and it was interesting.  I'd like to do it again, but it'll never happen.

[KittyMom4]

On 10/17/2020 at 1:56 PM, Blergh said:

Hopefully, your daughter will wake up and smell the skunk cabbage  and draw that conclusion before she gets scorched! 

She stopped hanging out with her a while back, and you are correct about her trying to drag my daughter into her drama. Thankfully my daughter saw her for what she is and no longer stays in touch. 😉

[kiddo82]

If you decide to throw an impromptu party on Christmas Eve all of your friends will magically be able to show up.  No one will be like "Nope.  I've had plans for that night for the last 30 years."

Edited October 19, 2020 by kiddo82

[Mabinogia]

11 hours ago, BexKeps said:

Thankfully my daughter saw her for what she is and no longer stays in touch. 😉

You raised a smart kid. It's not easy getting out of bad friendships. 

[merylinkid]

12 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

If you decide to throw an impromptu party on Christmas Eve all of your friends will magically be able to show up.  No one will be like "Nope.  I've had plans for that night for the last 30 years."

Well to be fair, your friends have no family or friends other than hanging out with your group of friends, so the plans probably included you anyway.   Just the location was changed.    If it is a work based show, your colleagues are also your best friends, so again, no plans other than with you.   

[DoctorAtomic]

And if it's the 70s, you would have had 2 dates for the xmas eve party and spend the whole time running back and forth. 

[kiddo82]

4 hours ago, merylinkid said:

Well to be fair, your friends have no family or friends other than hanging out with your group of friends, so the plans probably included you anyway.   Just the location was changed.    If it is a work based show, your colleagues are also your best friends, so again, no plans other than with you.   

Or everyone starts out doing their thing for Christmas but they all end up hanging around with you and the group because that's the "real" family.

[DoctorAtomic]

Oh, and there will be a swinging kitchen door that will invariably smack someone in the face. 

[Bort]

I’m guessing someone has been watching a lot of Three’s Company.

[DrSpaceman73]

6 hours ago, DoctorAtomic said:

Oh, and there will be a swinging kitchen door that will invariably smack someone in the face. 

That swinging door is also is impenetrable to sound and allows people to have completely private conversations 5-10 feet away in the next room

[Zella]

I used to work for a family-owned company (I was not a relative) that really prided themselves on their Christmas parties. Personally, as an introvert, I thought those parties were like the ninth circle of hell. After voicing that thought to another coworker who was also not related to the family that owned the company, he told me, "Oh I like the parties better now that they're not always on Christmas Eve." Apparently, the non-family member employees nearly revolted one year over it, and the powers that be had never even realized before then maybe the rest of their workforce didn't want to spend Christmas Eve with them. 👀

[Irlandesa]

4 minutes ago, Zella said:

I used to work for a family-owned company (I was not a relative) that really prided themselves on their Christmas parties. Personally, as an introvert, I thought those parties were like the ninth circle of hell. After voicing that thought to another coworker who was also not related to the family that owned the company, he told me, "Oh I like the parties better now that they're not always on Christmas Eve." Apparently, the non-family member employees nearly revolted one year over it, and the powers that be had never even realized before then maybe the rest of their workforce didn't want to spend Christmas Eve with them. 👀

Did the family live in a Hallmark movie where every party, every wedding, every big fundraiser, every major work project and every holiday advertising campaign (for that upcoming holiday) takes place or is due on Christmas Eve?

[Zella]

1 minute ago, Irlandesa said:

Did the family live in a Hallmark movie where every party, every wedding, every big fundraiser, every major work project and every holiday advertising campaign (for that upcoming holiday) takes place or is due on Christmas Eve?

This plot twist might have livened up the Christmas parties! 😂