Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[PaulBMA]

character names in media are either very dated (a recent book set in 2012 had ten-year old girls named Misty and Sherry as if It was 1965) or too modern (a book set in 1964 with a female Madison).

[DoctorAtomic]

I'm watching The Path on Hulu and this is literally every meal. 

[Mabinogia]

15 hours ago, juno said:

On TV you have meals where passive family members magically become assertive/aggressive and tell everyone at the table every single thought/emotion on their minds and reveal every truth that has been hidden by themselves and the family.

What? You don't reveal all your deepest darkest secrets with a mouth full of mashed potatoes at Sunday dinner? 

My family knew of this pitfall, that's why we usually ate our dinner in front of the TV. The commercial breaks weren't long enough to reveal that I'm really the mailman's daughter, or that my sister has been screwing her high school teacher at 15. Yep, all of that remains our deep, dark secrets because we learned from TV never to eat at the dinner table together. 

[Ohiopirate02]

On 12/23/2019 at 7:11 PM, juno said:

On TV you have meals where passive family members magically become assertive/aggressive and tell everyone at the table every single thought/emotion on their minds and reveal every truth that has been hidden by themselves and the family.

As the quiet,  slow to anger member of my family, I have done something similar before.  It usually means that you are done with your family's shit.  I have a long fuse, but I do get angry and it is not pretty when it happens.  I will say that the inciting comment or action is usually pretty small and is something that I would shrug off 99 times out of 100.  

[meep.meep]

On 12/20/2019 at 2:47 PM, Blergh said:

     In those times with glasses costing at least a year's worth's of wages (or, for that matter,  in ANY era), I can't imagine her parents wouldn't have told her 'You LOST them?! Well, we're going to go over EVERY SQUARE INCH between this front door and the schoolhouse and you'd better make sure those glasses are FOUND or else we'll give you something to REALLY blubber  about far more than snotty peers teasing you!'

You really don’t get how the Ingalls rolled.  They would have made Laura go find them.

We had a TV breakfast this morning.  For some reason, everyone sat on the same side of the table.

[PennyPlain]

18 minutes ago, meep.meep said:

You really don’t get how the Ingalls rolled.  They would have made Laura go find them.

Based on the books they wouldn't have had to make her.  Laura would never have come home without them!

[shapeshifter]

17 minutes ago, meep.meep said:

We had a TV breakfast this morning.  For some reason, everyone sat on the same side of the table.

No doubt because everyone was watching TV while eating breakfast. 

[PennyPlain]

19 minutes ago, meep.meep said:

We had a TV breakfast this morning.  For some reason, everyone sat on the same side of the table.

For me a TV breakfast is everyone up and clean and dressed and sitting down together to eat a full breakfast, leisurely,  before they leave for school and work.  This is not my reality by a long shot!

[merylinkid]

12 hours ago, PennyPlain said:

For me a TV breakfast is everyone up and clean and dressed and sitting down together to eat a full breakfast, leisurely,  before they leave race out the door without touching it for school and work.  This is not my reality by a long shot!

Fixed it for you.   😁

[Hiyo]

Quote

What bugs me about women's underwear on TV

is when both the woman and man are still wearing their underwear after having sex. Like the magic L-shaped cover, I get that they can't show nudity, but there are better ways of covering things up so to speak. But it still looks funny, putting your underwear back on after having sex.

Edited December 29, 2019 by Hiyo

[MaryPatShelby]

On 12/26/2019 at 6:33 PM, PennyPlain said:

For me a TV breakfast is everyone up and clean and dressed and sitting down together to eat a full breakfast, leisurely,  before they leave for school and work.  This is not my reality by a long shot!

Although, a real TV breakfast would be the above except for the spouse who only has time to grab a cup of coffee as he/she sprints out the door.  

I have been a female my entire life and not once have my bra and underpants matched.  Yet I've made it to the ripe old age of 61 and have been married 38 years. 

 

[RealHousewife]

People looking spectacular no matter what. Waking up with a full face of makeup. Being in a coma and your face looking model perfect. They do this a lot on Days of Our Lives, and it always cracks me up!

[Hiyo]

Or how about after doing The Sex, looking model perfect?

[Bastet]

Is there anything about TV sex that resembles real life sex?

On TV:

- Women routinely keep their bras on during sex
- Everyone has sex under the covers
- There are only two positions to choose from
- There are L-shaped sheets, which naturally pull up to a woman's chest and a man's waist
- No one is sweaty and sticky afterward, and there's no need to clean up (or take that uncomfortable "please, no UTI" pee); just go to sleep (cuddled up, of course)
- Gay folks don't have sex; they just kiss and fade to black
- Neither do women over 50 (men that age do, but with younger women)

[Mabinogia]

8 hours ago, Hiyo said:

Or how about after doing The Sex, looking model perfect?

If you still have perfect hair and make up after sex, you didn't do it right!

[smittykins]

On 1/3/2020 at 2:49 PM, RealHousewife said:

Being in a coma and your face looking model perfect.

Not only that, but when you wake up, you immediately recognize everybody and ask for a pizza.

[PaulBMA]

I agree that the trope (sadly, also a real life one) that women can't be as vicious, violent and evil as men...or that they do those things *because* of men, is ridiculous. Gertrude Baniszewski didn't have a man telling her to kill Sylvia Likens.

[JTMacc99]

I was just listening to some of John Mulaney's stand up over the weekend and he did a bit about Law & Order and the things that don't make sense in real life that was spot on. I laugh every time I hear him make fun of the "Guy who doesn't stop doing his job while being interviewed by the detectives", with the line "How often are you interviewed by the murder police that you can't take a break from unloading that truck?!"

If you're interested, I'm pretty sure a search of John Mulaney Law & Order will bring it up the whole bit.

[Ohiopirate02]

1 hour ago, JTMacc99 said:

I was just listening to some of John Mulaney's stand up over the weekend and he did a bit about Law & Order and the things that don't make sense in real life that was spot on. I laugh every time I hear him make fun of the "Guy who doesn't stop doing his job while being interviewed by the detectives", with the line "How often are you interviewed by the murder police that you can't take a break from unloading that truck?!"

If you're interested, I'm pretty sure a search of John Mulaney Law & Order will bring it up the whole bit.

That is so true about the L & O franchise and all police procedurals.  The total nonchalance and callousness of these characters is hilarious as well as their near perfect recall.  I have given statements to the police before, had to file a police report over a stolen window screen, had to talk to former cops working in corporate loss prevention and gotten people fired--all of this has been more nerve-wracking than those guys.  Look if two cops showed up at my work place to ask about a murder victim /possible murder suspect, I would at least stop unloading the van to answer.

[GHScorpiosRule]

1 hour ago, JTMacc99 said:

I was just listening to some of John Mulaney's stand up over the weekend and he did a bit about Law & Order and the things that don't make sense in real life that was spot on. I laugh every time I hear him make fun of the "Guy who doesn't stop doing his job while being interviewed by the detectives", with the line "How often are you interviewed by the murder police that you can't take a break from unloading that truck?!"

If you're interested, I'm pretty sure a search of John Mulaney Law & Order will bring it up the whole bit.

Back when the show had its full forum, we had a thread that talked about the NUMEROUS times this happened. And not just the guy who keeps unloading the truck, either.🤣

[JTMacc99]

1 minute ago, GHScorpiosRule said:

Back when the show had its full forum, we had a thread that talked about the NUMEROUS times this happened. And not just the guy who keeps unloading the truck, either.🤣

He hits on several of the things I'm sure you used to talk about. The bartender who remembers EVERYTHING was another one. 

[Bastet]

2 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

"How often are you interviewed by the murder police that you can't take a break from unloading that truck?!"

Eh, they're under such tight deadlines and work for assholes who won't accept "I was trying to help the murder police figure out who gutted my neighbor like a fish" as a reason for delay, so I let the delivery guy slide more than the executive in his corner office.

(Yes, I know the real reason is simply that it's more visually interesting to have movement in the scene rather than just three people standing there talking.)

Edited January 6, 2020 by Bastet

[Katy M]

18 minutes ago, JTMacc99 said:

He hits on several of the things I'm sure you used to talk about. The bartender who remembers EVERYTHING was another one. 

And then if a waiter or bartender doesn't remember seeing someone and it turns out they were there, it's always because waiter or bartender was lying.  Not because they genuinely didn't remember because they see 6,000 people every day.

[kiddo82]

2 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

He hits on several of the things I'm sure you used to talk about. The bartender who remembers EVERYTHING was another one. 

I always like how they can recognize the victim even though the photo they are shown was taken in the morgue.  I'm a bar tender.  I work in a dark, loud, overly stimulating environment.  I see 100s of people a night for about 30 seconds at a time.  Sure, I recognize that battered, bloated, pale corpse as someone who was in my establishment no less than 5 days ago who I had never seen before that night and who was also made up and wearing clothes at the time.

Edited January 6, 2020 by kiddo82

[Mabinogia]

4 minutes ago, kiddo82 said:

Sure, I recognize that battered, bloated, pale corpse as someone who was in my establishment no less than 5 days ago who I had never seen before that night and who was also made up and wearing clothes at the time.

It always kills me, when they are asked about something that happened days ago. If you asked me what happened four days ago. First, I'd have to figure out what today was. It's Monday, okay, we're getting somewhere, so four days ago would have been...(calculating...calculating...) Thursday? So Thursday...oh, it wasn't a normal Thursday! I was on vacation that day. I went to a restaurant. I vaguely remember what I ate but if you asked me to describe the waitress this is what you'd get:

woman, maybe older but I don't know how much. She might have had lighter hair or maybe medium though it could have been blonde or dark. It wasn't red. I would have remembered that. I don't think she had glasses but no clue what color her eyes were. No idea of height. Average maybe. No name. No distinguishing/identify features and if she showed me a photo of her I probably wouldn't know if it was her or not. (this is true, as a fun exercise I tried to remember the waitress we had on 4 days ago.) 

But sure, all bartenders/waitstaff/convenience store clerks remember in great detail every customer they had for the past week or two. I can't even tell you what color shirt my boss had on today. I would be the worst witness ever. This is why I couldn't make it in the service industry. lol

[Bastet]

Not only do bartenders recognize the customer from last week, they remember what she/he was drinking and and how she/he paid.  Even though the customer had a few beers and paid by credit card, not something memorable like drinking six alien orgasms and paying with nickels.

[Mabinogia]

2 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Not only do bartenders recognize the customer from last week, they remember what she/he was drinking and and how she/he paid. 

Maybe I need a bartender in my life. I can't remember what I drank last week. lol I know I didn't pay though. It was a house do. 

[Irlandesa]

5 hours ago, Bastet said:

Not only do bartenders recognize the customer from last week, they remember what she/he was drinking and and how she/he paid.  Even though the customer had a few beers and paid by credit card, not something memorable like drinking six alien orgasms and paying with nickels.

And they remember who they were talking to/who was hitting on them and who they even left with.

I love L&O but one of its failings was not having more people being looky-loos when these interviews were happening. 

Edited January 7, 2020 by Irlandesa

[Katy M]

16 hours ago, Mabinogia said:

woman, maybe older but I don't know how much. She might have had lighter hair or maybe medium though it could have been blonde or dark. It wasn't red. I would have remembered that. I don't think she had glasses but no clue what color her eyes were. No idea of height. Average maybe. No name. No distinguishing/identify features and if she showed me a photo of her I probably wouldn't know if it was her or not. (this is true, as a fun exercise I tried to remember the waitress we had on 4 days ago.) 

This is absolutely realistic.

I started a new job.  A week later my new boss went on a trip to meet with a new client.  New client called and asked what my boss looked like. I hesitated.  He asked if he wore glasses. I said I don't think so, but he is losing his hair.  That was legit the best I could come up with.  And, he does wear glasses.  I jsut didn't notice, I guess.

[ABay]

If you love L&O and also love to laugh at it, check out the podcast These are their stories. They tend to be a little SVU-centric but it's been on so long there's more to choose from.

One of my favorite parts is the Hudson University jingle: We are Hudson/where the bad guys go to school. (Sing it like We are Farmers...)

[Raja]

13 hours ago, Irlandesa said:

And they remember who they were talking to/who was hitting on them and who they even left with.

I love L&O but one of its failings was not having more people being looky-loos when these interviews were happening. 

I can see Detective Fontana push someone against the wall and instantly 1000 cellphones are pointing at him 

[Shannon L.]

If you are a nurse or a doctor and are offered a job in a small town doctor's office, be warned:  The resident doctor will be an old, cranky, set in his ways, man who will not want you there until he, or one of his regular patients, has a cardiac event or some other life threatening health issue, where you have no choice but to jump in and save the day, thus proving that you really do know what you are doing. 

[GaT]

28 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

If you are a nurse or a doctor and are offered a job in a small town doctor's office, be warned:  The resident doctor will be an old, cranky, set in his ways, man who will not want you there until he, or one of his regular patients, has a cardiac event or some other life threatening health issue, where you have no choice but to jump in and save the day, thus proving that you really do know what you are doing. 

Or, you grew up in a small town & became a doctor because of the doctor you grew up with, & when you joined his practice you discovered that he had been "helping" people by ending their lives.

[DoctorAtomic]

What the hell town did you grow up in?!

[Hiyo]

Quote

If you are a nurse or a doctor and are offered a job in a small town doctor's office, be warned:  The resident doctor will be an old, cranky, set in his ways, man who will not want you there until he, or one of his regular patients, has a cardiac event or some other life threatening health issue, where you have no choice but to jump in and save the day, thus proving that you really do know what you are doing. 

And there is a decent chance you could become romantically involved with a family member of that older doctor.

[jennblevins]

On 1/6/2020 at 10:40 AM, JTMacc99 said:

I was just listening to some of John Mulaney's stand up over the weekend and he did a bit about Law & Order and the things that don't make sense in real life that was spot on. I laugh every time I hear him make fun of the "Guy who doesn't stop doing his job while being interviewed by the detectives", with the line "How often are you interviewed by the murder police that you can't take a break from unloading that truck?!"

On Mayday/Air Disasters, a show about plane crashes, the NTSB (etc.) investigators in the recreations frequently decide that the best time to interview the involved air traffic controllers is when they’re at work, sitting at their desk, in the airport tower.  Unlike on L&O, they stop working to talk to the investigators. If there was ever a job that you should keep doing while answering the investigators’ questions, I think air traffic controller would be it.  Hopefully the entire set-up only happens on TV!

Edited January 8, 2020 by jennblevins
Spelling

[Shannon L.]

I had a quick, outpatient, procedure yesterday and the anesthesiologist was a young woman and it never crossed my mind to question her age, amount of training she'd had/how long she'd been practicing medicine, or demand an older, male colleague instead.

[Moose135]

On 1/8/2020 at 2:37 AM, jennblevins said:

On Mayday/Air Disasters, a show about plane crashes, the NTSB (etc.) investigators in the recreations frequently decide that the best time to interview the involved air traffic controllers is when they’re at work, sitting at their desk, in the airport tower.  Unlike on L&O, they stop working to talk to the investigators. If there was ever a job that you should keep doing while answering the investigators’ questions, I think air traffic controller would be it.  Hopefully the entire set-up only happens on TV!

I watch that a fair amount, but I don't recall seeing that, but even so, in most cases there is more than one controller on duty, so the controller being interviewed wouldn't be ignoring air traffic, he/she would simply be relieved by another controller.

[Raja]

21 hours ago, Moose135 said:

I watch that a fair amount, but I don't recall seeing that, but even so, in most cases there is more than one controller on duty, so the controller being interviewed wouldn't be ignoring air traffic, he/she would simply be relieved by another controller.

That plus the scene doubles as the investigator is also looking at the operations in the tower or control center, as that has been a contributing cause on some of the accidents studied.

[DoctorAtomic]

People in hospitals just rip the IV out and leave. 

[biakbiak]

1 hour ago, DoctorAtomic said:

People in hospitals just rip the IV out and leave. 

My grandfather did this several times and even managed to get home twice, he was crafty! 

Edited January 11, 2020 by biakbiak

[Mabinogia]

4 hours ago, DoctorAtomic said:

People in hospitals just rip the IV out and leave. 

I did do that once, but it is not as easy as they make it seem. Also, the nurses got to me before I could succeed. 

[merylinkid]

15 hours ago, DoctorAtomic said:

People in hospitals just rip the IV out and leave. 

My husband seriously contemplated doing that when he was in the hospital after busting his leg.   The hospital was dirty, the staff was incompetent.   We wanted out of there and they kept claiming there were no discharge instructions (we  later found out directly from his surgeon there were).   He was ready to rip out his IV and go.   He already had the crutches.   I was ready to go get the car and drive it around front for him to hop in.    Fortunately they came to their senses before we had to get that drastic -- or I had to mention I was a lawyer.

[Blergh]

Patients who hate doctors and/or hospitals walk out in huffs without having to wait to be checked out- and nothing is ever mentioned about the fact that, in doing so, the insurance companies won't pay a PENNY towards the bill and it's ALL  on the patient's shoulders from that point on! 

Edited January 13, 2020 by Blergh

[OmegaX123]

On 12/23/2019 at 9:40 PM, PaulBMA said:

character names in media are either very dated (a recent book set in 2012 had ten-year old girls named Misty and Sherry as if It was 1965) or too modern (a book set in 1964 with a female Madison).

I have a cousin named Sherry and a former classmate in my high school days named Misty, both were born in/after 1982.

[biakbiak]

1 hour ago, OmegaX123 said:

I have a cousin named Sherry and a former classmate in my high school days named Misty, both were born in/after 1982.

Yeah names are weird because even if they weren’t popular there are always outliers for a long list of reasons from family history, regional trends, wanting to be different, etc.

Edited January 14, 2020 by biakbiak

[kiddo82]

1 hour ago, biakbiak said:

Yeah names are weird because even if they were popular there are always outliers for a long list of reasons from family history, regional trends, wanting to be different, etc.

Case in point, Florence Pugh is 24.  Now, I'm no expert on what regional trends for names existed in Ms. Pugh's neck of the woods the year she was born, but all of the Florence's I've ever heard of either live in the nursing home where I work or are old ladies from church.

Edited January 14, 2020 by kiddo82

[DoctorAtomic]

I had an aunt Florence when I was really little. She visited once a month. 

[SVNBob]

3 hours ago, DoctorAtomic said:

I had an aunt Florence when I was really little. She visited once a month. 

https://instantrimshot.com/

 

Which reminds me...has anyone ever seen or heard one of those in reality?

[Hiyo]

This is mostly on FOX/WB/CW type shows, but..."prodigies" who in their 20s are already full time doctors, CEOs, entrepreneurs, newspaper editors, etc.

Now, I realize people like that do exist in real life, but they tend to be exceptions, not the norm, though you'd never know that if you watched those types of shows.