S05.E05: Cool Beans

[OnceSane]

Quote

Captain Lee makes a decision regarding the crew's re-configuration which rocks the team to its core. Matt's date with Brianna has an unexpected outcome when they mistakenly arrive at a nude beach. Jen grows weary with the unfair treatment within the Interior. Kate plans an anniversary surprise for the charter guests that fizzles. Meanwhile, criticism from the charter guests sends Matt spiraling into shame.

 

[Nancypants]

Whenever a guy takes me to a Nude Beach on a first date, It always impresses me so much more when he is Blindly, Dangerously drunk.

And calls me an Asshole. 

Edited October 4, 2017 by Nancypants

[Nancypants]

Ah, Regret. The prize at the bottom of every bottle of Jim Beam.

[McManda]

Drunk Matt is a brotastic, douchtastic mess  and that's a complete turnoff. I don't fault Bri for that at all.

... at least he recognized that he's a sloppy drunk? Super unfortunate, because I don't have a problem with him otherwise.

[Michichick]

Jen, what the fucking fuck? She was late for work and took 15 minutes to curl her bullshit Farrah Fawcett hairdo? Come on now, throw it up in a bun and get a move on.

Also EJ said "lazy daisical" when he meant lackadaisical. That, plus the "cool beans," makes me want to punch him.

[Nancypants]

Also, Nico, quit pouting. You aren't Bosun Trained, you need the help. Now Chris can go home.

Edited October 4, 2017 by Nancypants

[fifty8th]

Came into season not a Nico fan (from last season) last 3 episodes I warmed up to him, thought he matured, now I am back to thinking he is full of himself.

[McManda]

Because I always curl my hair when I'm late for work. Jen, this is why people thing your priorities are misaligned.

While I think it's slightly dirty for Lee to blindside Nico with a new bosun, I get why he did it. It's as much for Nico's inexperience as it was because Nico is overwhelmed with his personal issues and can't really train or lead right now. That said, EJ might be competent but I don't think I like him.

That said, it was even more low for Nico to bump Chris from his bunk to the crew mess. I would have been super pissed.

Two crashes in one season? This deck crew suuuucks.

[PaperTree]

Chris Brown - Hangover King.  Dude is pathetic.  Pitch him over the side somewhere.

Jen - Poor, poor Cinderella.  Stop whining.  Kate says you will get yours, so file that and carry on.  Then she snoozes through the start of her shift.  

Matt and Bri and the nude beach and a liter of Jim Beam.  Oh my.  Matt really does not hold his liquor well.  Awkward is only one word for that mess of a date.

Capt. Lee has the deadpan humor down.  Hilarious.  It would have been nice to have given Niko a heads up on EJ.  He's putting up a good front.  I would be totally pissed off too.

"Good thing there's no HR"  Indeed.  The eighth circle of hell.  They don't have more bunks on that huge boat?

"I got a virgin cocktail for ya!"  LOL  Kate has the best talking heads.

Very boring yet annoying guests.  Matt seemed oddly detached from their complaints. I hope he gets himself together.

I'm not sure what to make of EJ.  Getting this "teacher's pet" vibe and it's kind of annoying.  

I'll root for Niko in the upcoming war.

Lights out at 9:40.  Must be the jet-lag.  It wasn't the excitement or the liquor  :)

[HunterHunted]

A flotilla of assholes tonight. From beginning to end:

• Chris Brown for being hungover, lazy, and refusing to stop talking about it
• Bri for agreeing to a date with Matt knowing inside that she didn't like him that way
• Matt for getting stinking drunk and nasty on their date
• Jen for bitching about Bri going on a date and when Kate offers a reasonable solution, says she doesn't want it, but still complains
• Lee for not telling Nico or the deck crew that they were getting a Bosun
• Nico for being a sour entitled baby. The only reason he thinks he should be Bosun is because big dick Kelley was barely qualified to be a Bosun last season
• Jen for being 5 minutes late for work and then wasting 15 minutes curling her hair like an idiot.

Is EJ annoying? Yes, but I don't know if he's an asshole.

Considering that they didn't drink, I think it's weird that the guests chartered a yacht. It just seems like you'd get a better experience staying in a luxury hotel, eating at different restaurants, and chartering a yacht for a day to swim and jetski.

I'd like to know what the heck T-Rexxing the shit out of someone is.

[ivygirl]

So ChrisBrown (Not That Chris Brown) only answers to one higher power, God? I thought he loosed himself from the shackles of religion for a life of douchebro-iness? Guess it's convenient to say when he wants to pack an extra punch of attitude in his talking heads?

[Nancypants]

I get the feeling Chris Brown prays to the Porcelain God more than the Heavenly one.

[Nancypants]

Kate:" When all else fails, Light stuff on fire. I dunno, they're not Drinking, Its all I've Got." (shrugs)

she really does have the best Talking Heads.

[HunterHunted]

This chicken tastes sous-vide doesn't make one lick of sense. I have a sous-vide machine. The biggest difference is texture and temperature, not taste. Hearing the primary say that makes me doubt how much of a foodie he is. 

Like Kate, I would have called bullshit on Matt serving bananas foster. It's not a hard dessert to make even at home. The one half decent thing about Chef Adam from Below Deck: Med is that he could do good desserts. Bananas foster is bullshit. Do a creme brulee, mousse, a semifreddo, basically anything that takes a touch more effort or skill than bananas foster.

[sasha206]

Did I hear the new guy say "Lazydaisical"?

[Bronzedog]

Lackadaisical is a word.  Lazydaisycal is not.

Great minds, sasha206!

Edited October 4, 2017 by Bronzedog

[sasha206]

Just now, Bronzedog said:

Lackadaisical is a word.  Lazydaisycal is not.

Right!

But that is what he said right?  Lazydaisycal?  

[Bronzedog]

2 minutes ago, sasha206 said:

Right!

But that is what he said right?  Lazydaisycal?  

Yep.  That's what he said.  Bless his heart.

[Adultosaurus]

Can't decide if EJ is annoying but hot, hot but annoying, or just a poor eye candy replacement for (as someone upthread said earlier) Big Dick Kelley. :)

[HunterHunted]

Also Nico, the same way you were pissed when your dumbass deck crew let that guy leave the spring line on, Nico should be equally disappointed in himself that his petulance kept him from telling EJ that the brake was on.

[sasha206]

Last episode I thought Bri was Malia 2.0, but it appears the girl isn't going to put up with any bullshit from some drunk asshole.  Good on her.  

[Nancypants]

Seriously where do they find these people. Useless clueless whiners that make 800.00 a day for whining and slacking drinking and pouting. Fuck. I want that job.

12 minutes ago, sasha206 said:

Last episode I thought Bri was Malia 2.0, but it appears the girl isn't going to put up with any bullshit from some drunk asshole.  Good on her.  

She seems like a nice normal girl.

[Adultosaurus]

14 minutes ago, sasha206 said:

Last episode I thought Bri was Malia 2.0, but it appears the girl isn't going to put up with any bullshit from some drunk asshole.  Good on her.  

I would agree except she shouldn't have gone on the (probably contrived) "date" with Matt if she wasn't interested in him.  This is looking like a setup for a "break up Nico's relationship" storyline.

[hoosier80]

Yeah, I think I smell producer shenanigans with the brake being on - if EJ did work with Captain Lee before (maybe/maybe not), no way would CL have added another incompetent boob to this crew.  

Chris - so basically any boss you have you're going to use that line - that I only answer to God?  Good luck keeping a job you moron.

Jen is just so clueless.   All whiney about Bri going off for a date (which I thought was weird, but producer initiated shit is what I thought).  Kate tells her she'll get the same amount of time off at some point, then like a petulant 3 year old says no I don't want it.  Again, does this woman think she's helping her real estate "career".  She surely isn't going to be a regular reality star.  Maybe she'll hit the d- make that the j to k list reality "star" circuit.   Jen, the reason you don't have a date is that most guys don't want to deal with crazy.  You look like you've got a bunny on standby ready to boil it.  Plus, you're not as cute as Bri (the crazy eyes I think).  And you're just a hot mess.  

[Passing Strange]

40 minutes ago, Adultosaurus said:

I would agree except she shouldn't have gone on the (probably contrived) "date" with Matt if she wasn't interested in him.  This is looking like a setup for a "break up Nico's relationship" storyline.

What Bri said was something along the lines of she didn't think she was interested in Matt, but she needed to go on the date to know for sure. She gave the guy a chance rather than just write him off, which I think is smart. When he showed his ass, she told him straight up that she had no romantic interest in him. This is the second guy she's said that to. I'm grateful, because now there's no excuse for either of them to pursue her. A "break up Nico's relationship" storyline was in the works even before the date. I hope it's just a tease and Nico turns out to be a decent guy.

[jumper sage]

3 hours ago, Michichick said:

Jen, what the fucking fuck? She was late for work and took 15 minutes to curl her bullshit Farrah Fawcett hairdo? Come on now, throw it up in a bun and get a move on.

The one thing good about having long hair is that you can just brush it out and put it up in a sleek pony or pile it up in a bun or any number of things.  I like my shoulder length hair for THAT reason but hate having to take 3 hours to dry it.  I have great Italian hair that is very thick, I used to keep it short but have let it grow out.  Longer hair looks cleaner longer and you can do a million things with it in mere seconds.

My avatar picture is me with my short hair.

Matt's little date reminded me of a story from about 20 years ago:  I was working in a very ritzy city on Lake St. Clair just outside of Detroit.  Most of the workers, not me, lived in the area.  We had an intern who lived in the community and was very nice, about 20 years old.  A lot of locals would come in all the time.  One day this young man came in and spotted our intern and was smitten with her.  He came in every couple of days and would chat her up.  He asked her out and we encouraged her to go on a date with him.  We all knew his parents and they were nice people.  After the date we asked her how it went.  She said the date was nice and he ordered appetizers, nice dinners, desert, champagne, the works.  He excused himself to use the restroom and she sat there, and sat there and finally an employee told her he left out the kitchen door and presented her with the bill.  She had to call her dad to come and cover the bill.  We laughed and laughed.  Then he started stalking her and it got scary.  He accused her of breaking into his house when in reality he was literally standing in her bushes....................went to court and the judge could not believe he went to this much trouble to "know" her when it was he that ditched her with the check.  His parents wanted her to give him another chance but the judge suggested he needed a mental health checkup and perhaps rehab.  She got a restraining order.

Back to Jen - so she has a young child right?  Holy hell!  I think the child is getting a break from a loony tunes mother.

Chris - as much as he is an idiot, making him sleep in the crew mess is really mean.

I can't believe I missed another crash!  It's coming on again so see you all later.

Edited October 4, 2017 by jumper sage

[Nancybeth]

And if you are gonna do Bananas Foster, you flambe that shit and you do it tableside! Follow Kate's advice about seeing things on fire. It would have gone over great with this group who are, in fact, boring. 

[ivygirl]

I was trying to think of who EJ reminded me of, and it's Brianna's husband Ryan from RHOC. Not in temperament--at least not yet--but in the hair and face.

[yourmomiseasy]

Jen is just so dumb and she looks dumb/crazy and her hair isn't that great and no one on the boat cares about her hair.  And has she really been working her ass off?  Because all we've been shown is her taking forever to do anything because she's a dolt that couldn't find her ass with a flashlight, two hands, and a map.

[Caseysgirl]

I blame Captain Lee for the problems between Nico and EJ. Nico is not experienced or trained enough for the job ( not sure I know how it's spelled) but Lee should have given him a heads up so he didn't feel blindsided and humiliated.  At first, I felt bad for EJ  because he was in an awkward position being brought in without any prior explanation, however, he then proceeded to act like a know it all ass and I lost my sympathy.  Chris is just a douche, plain and simple and he better hope any future employers never see this show. Matt, you have an alcohol problem.  Your ex was right and not doing something about it could be devastating to your future. If all your dates go as well as that one did, you are destined to be a lonely man in spite of your good looks.

[biakbiak]

FU Jenn. Bri going out on a date is not being sexually promiscuous. I liked how Bri handled both Chris and Matt even though I think they should all just hook up with people from other boats or at clubs.

According to some internet gossip Captain Lee has had several crashes, not sure I buy it but it's interesting that it's becoming a storyline.

The specs of the boat indicate it's has room for 10 crew, with the two crew members that we don't see regularly it would seem they are indeed at capacity for crew but it sucks for everyone that they have to give up their crew mess during the charter and Chris has no place to keep his shit.

Nico it sucks that you weren't told about EJ but he is now your superior so shut the fuck up and do your job.

[Rebecca]

Like others have said, Nico is way too entitled. He doesn't have enough experience, case closed. His response and attitude with regard to the whole thing proves why he shouldn't be bosun. The new guy is a better teacher already...but he's kinda annoying. 

Jen sucks so much at this job, she's incompetent at everything. The next episode looks dramatic.

[Nancypants]

I feel exactly the same way. Captain Lee , I know you are a hardass and I dig that about you, but the entire outer crew was freaked out by the new crew members arrival. They were already thrown off balance by your veiled threat of " changing the configuration". 

All that did was elevate the insecurity level and negative speculation. 

A shortly worded explanation would have made all the difference in the world. I promise you that Captain Sandy would have handled it so that the morale of her crew was not negatively affected.

And yea, Chris sleeping in the crew mess is just mean. Was it Bruno that woke Chris up and told him to take his bed?

Edited October 4, 2017 by Nancypants

[Nancypants]

Show is getting so repetitive. 

Watch the crew bicker and fight over dumb stuff and the pretty girl! Watch the crew go out and get roaring drunk! Watch some of them be incompetent and douche! Watch as none of these people realize they are making Bank while essentially keeping house.

Watch the guests eat food and ride jet skis and make a lil' speech before handing over fat stacks! 

Le sigh.

[bichonblitz]

33 minutes ago, Nancypants said:

I feel exactly the same way. Captain Lee , I know you are a hardass and I dig that about you, but the entire outer crew was freaked out by the new crew members arrival. They were already thrown off balance by your veiled threat of " changing the configuration". 

All that did was elevate the insecurity level and negative speculation. 

A shortly worded explanation would have made all the difference in the world. I promise you that Captain Sandy would have handled it so that the morale of her crew was not negatively affected.

And yea, Chris sleeping in the crew mess is just mean. Was it Bruno that woke Chris up and told him to take his bed?

Agree. I think Nico should be pissed at Captn. Lee, not the bosun. The bosun was asked to come there and help out. Lee should have told the crew about it before he arrived. That was a shitty and unprofessional move on Lee's part. Also, there wasn't enough room for another crew member so someone should have been let go. On a ship full of inept crew members, that shouldn't have been too difficult. 

[PaperTree]

6 hours ago, Nancybeth said:

And if you are gonna do Bananas Foster, you flambe that shit and you do it tableside! Follow Kate's advice about seeing things on fire. It would have gone over great with this group who are, in fact, boring. 

I thought that the big table side flaming presentation was the whole point of the dish.  Otherwise it's just syrupy bananas and ice cream on a plate.  

It's also supposed to be made with rum which provides the flame, yet the tea-totaling guests didn't seem to mind.   Were they too shy to flag down Kate for more ice cream?

[ghoulina]

So they brought in a Bosun. I can see why Nico would feel threatened by that. He sees the problem as being all of the "green" deckhands. So he thinks they'll likely lose Chris and get a more experienced deckhand. The fact that a Bosun, who is above him, was brought in, likely makes him think that HE'S the problem. Plus, I can see how it would cause a weird dynamic, since all the deckhands have been following Nico's orders up to this point. However, I do think Nico needs to humble himself a bit. He's NOT a bosun. I do think he works damn hard at his job and is very competent, but he's not quite at the level where he's effectively leading. But, again, I wouldn't put ALL the blame on him. So I see both sides here. 

Now, that being said, I would rather watch those green-ass-motherfuckers break every damn thing on that boat than watch EJ for the rest of the season. The first time he said, "cool beans", I thought - "Oh Lord, he's one of those people". Then he said it 10 more times before the commercial break and both my husband and I were ready to sign up for a charter just so we could push him overboard. Ugh. He is THE WORST. And the way he calls everybody "buddy". "Buddy is what I call my kids". He acts like he's just this nice, hard working guy, but he comes off as very condescending to me. 

And what was with that anchor issue at the end? I don't know enough about boats to know. Did he really totally fuck that up, like Nico said? Oh, please let him be one and done! 

Matt. Matt, Matt, Matt. This really wasn't your week to shine, was it? I can kind of empathize with the guy. I had some "issues" with alcohol in my early-mid twenties; and after 5 years straight of being pregnant and/or breastfeeding, and realizing how much better I functioned without it, I haven't had a drop in 10 years. The way he seemed to NEED to drink to calm his nerves before his date with Bri, reminded me of any social situation I was part of during those early years. I felt I couldn't socialize without it. But then I never liked how I acted when drinking. I'm glad he seems somewhat aware of this. 

I hope he can make some real changes, because you can see the domino effect. Nervous about date - gets plastered- ruins date and offends co-worker - feels shitty the next day (in more ways than one) - can't really focus - added pressure of dry foodies on board - he fucks up some simple shit. I know he's better than that, so I hope he gets it together. 

Jen continues to be a whiny, entitled brat. "Cinderella" this and "doing all the work" that. I'm sorry, has ANYONE ELSE been that late for their shift this season? And stopped to curl their hair even though they were running late??? I'm guessing not. Hell, I thought she should have woken up extra early with THESE guests. Given that they didn't drink and were turning in before 10, you had to know they'd be early risers. No excuses for not being there to make their coffee. 

And then that BS - "Do I have to be sexually promiscuous to get more time off?" Fuck. You. Even if I don't love Bri, one picnic date does not a "whore" make. Jen is just jealous because all the dudes on the boat are into Bri and no one wants to take her tiny, whiny ass on a date. 

Kate continues to crack me up. "I got a virgin cocktail for you. It's called water". Bahahahaha! I'm not a drinker myself, but I can see how a non-drinking charter would be loads and loads of fun. 

Best part of the episode? Finding out they stock Scott toilet paper on board!! Scott is the best!

Edited October 4, 2017 by ghoulina

[ghoulina]

10 hours ago, McManda said:

That said, it was even more low for Nico to bump Chris from his bunk to the crew mess. I would have been super pissed.

What's the other solution, though? They're out of beds. Since I find Christ to be such a lazy, worthless tool; I didn't really care much. But I did feel bad for the OTHER crew, who have to maneuver around his shit. I hope he's gone soon. 

 

10 hours ago, PaperTree said:

Very boring yet annoying guests.  Matt seemed oddly detached from their complaints. I hope he gets himself together.

Kate seemed to think Matt was just shrugging off the complaints. I didn't get that at all. I figured Matt already KNEW he fucked up. He was in a bad head space, and I think he was just trying to hold it together. He looked, to me, like he was shutting down, so he didn't flip out. 

 

10 hours ago, HunterHunted said:

Bri for agreeing to a date with Matt knowing inside that she didn't like him that way

That did annoy me. She was able to gently let Chris Brown down. Why not do the same for Matt? Was it just because she wanted off the boat, and figured Matt would be more tolerable than Chris? If so, boy did that backfire!

[hoosiermommy]

So is Jen real or just Amy Poehler in a new role?

[Nancypants]

I felt bad for Matt too. You could see regret And shame all over his face/ body language.

JEN SHUT UP. 

[Misslindsey]

I thought, and I might have heard it wrong, that when Captain Lee had Nico meet EJ he said something along the lines of making sure EJ gets a bunk. Captain Lee wanted EJ to have a bunk, which logically makes sense since EJ is the bosun, but it really screwed with the living arrangements for the rest of the deckhands.

1 hour ago, ghoulina said:

Kate seemed to think Matt was just shrugging off the complaints. I didn't get that at all. I figured Matt already KNEW he fucked up. He was in a bad head space, and I think he was just trying to hold it together. He looked, to me, like he was shutting down, so he didn't flip out.

I agree. I appreciated that Matt did not flip out. It seemed like he was just trying to get through the rest of service.

[njbchlover]

I miss Ben!!!!  Kate has no one to banter with, and while I am sort of liking Matt, I do think his meals are kind of basic.  Plus, Matt's a very different person when he's been drinking.

These charter guests are boring.  Not just because they are not drinkers, they just seem like boring people...."Oh look - there's fireworks for your anniversary"....and, crickets from the anniversary couple - not one of them gave the requisite "ooooh-aaaah" that is standard when watching fireworks!  

And, Jen is possibly one of the worst stewardesses ever!  Well, maybe not as bad at Kat and not quite as dramatic as Rocky, but she's close!  

[ryebread]

2 hours ago, Nancypants said:

Show is getting so repetitive. 

Watch the crew bicker and fight over dumb stuff and the pretty girl! Watch the crew go out and get roaring drunk! Watch some of them be incompetent and douche! Watch as none of these people realize they are making Bank while essentially keeping house.

Watch the guests eat food and ride jet skis and make a lil' speech before handing over fat stacks! 

Le sigh.

You forgot:  Watch Kate's sarcastic humor. 

Yawn.  That's all she's got.  Chick is perpetually bored and above it all.

[Mindthinkr]

Capt Lee: Did he make a smoothie with raw eggs?  How Rocky of him.

Kate: " 50 bucks says she is pregnant when she (Bri) gets back".  lol

What was with the anchor being raised? Did the new Bosun leave the brake on or was that Nico's responsibility?  (I think not since he was the one who pointed it out). I thought EJ would be good because of what Capt Lee had said about them working together previously. Now I'm not so sure. 

Edited October 4, 2017 by Mindthinkr
Punctuation

[Maccagirl]

11 hours ago, sasha206 said:

Did I hear the new guy say "Lazydaisical"?

Maybe it's a newly discovered dinosaur.  It's movements and aggressiveness are are more sloth-like and not as fierce as T-Rexing the shi_t out of someone!

[ryebread]

7 minutes ago, Maccagirl said:

Maybe it's a newly discovered dinosaur.  It's movements and aggressiveness are are more sloth-like and not as fierce as T-Rexing the shi_t out of someone!

LOL.  Geez.  What does that even mean?

These 'kids' need to realize that there is a middle ground between 'not drinking' and drinking so much you show your ass.

Chugging Jim Beam is such an amateur move.  I expected more from Matt. 

Ya know where else I expected more from Matt?  At a beach picnic.  WTH, Mr. Professional Chef...bags of nuts?

[eurekagirl mOo]

Matt, Matt, Matt. YOU have a problem! Ask yourself if drinking is affecting your relationships and/or your job. Apparently YES. FYI- AA is the first no. in the phone book. Try it. Because people who NEED to drink and drink THAT much? On a first date? That's a problem. Not to mention chugging JD out of the bottle. Last time I did that was on my 21st birthday. (I almost died from alcohol poisoning) Never did it again.

I use closed captioning. Not due to hearing (well that also) but I live next to a major Air Force/Military base and I get jets all the time that make it totally impossible to hear) Point being the cc always says Boatswain. Is it Bosun? Or Boatswain? 

Hey lazy maid (whatever your name is) I work with 2 other gals and we often cover for each other. Especially at vacations. But we all get a turn and no one has a problem.  Her "I don't want it" when Kate was being kind and offering her time off also. Big Baby.

[jumper sage]

2 hours ago, ghoulina said:

The first time he said, "cool beans", I thought - "Oh Lord, he's one of those people". Then he said it 10 more times before the commercial break and both my husband and I were ready to sign up for a charter just so we could push him overboard.

DO IT!  Jump on a plane right now and do it.  We have your back here.

[ghoulina]

38 minutes ago, ryebread said:

These 'kids' need to realize that there is a middle ground between 'not drinking' and drinking so much you show your ass.

Sometimes there's not, though. Matt reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger. I could never just have one drink. I need to lose my inhibitions, or I was too shy, too dull, too quiet. That's why I don't drink at all. And I've learned to come out of my shell sober! I really think Matt at LEAST needs a looooong dry spell. 

 

13 minutes ago, jumper sage said:

DO IT!  Jump on a plane right now and do it.  We have your back here.

Hahaha, by the time we could AFFORD it, Captain Lee's great great grandkid would be running the boat. 

 

20 minutes ago, eurekagirl mOo said:

I use closed captioning. Not due to hearing (well that also) but I live next to a major Air Force/Military base and I get jets all the time that make it totally impossible to hear) Point being the cc always says Boatswain. Is it Bosun? Or Boatswain? 

According to Wiki:

 

"As nouns the difference between bosun and boatswain

 is that bosun is a warrant or petty officer on board a naval ship while boatswain is (nautical) the officer (or warrant officer) in charge of sails, rigging, anchors, cables etc and all work on deck of a sailing ship. "

 

I figured it was just a dialect issue?

[dleighg]

so Matt comes back drunk, covered in sand, and dances around the nice clean boat? I'd be furious and tell him to get straight into the shower before he dribbled sand all over the place.