S05.E09: The Talk Of Montauk

[Tara Ariano]

Quote

A rowdy, NASCAR birthday weekend is held for Ariana, but Lala's no-show may ruin it. Also: Stassi's Montauk birthday trip gets off to a rocky start; Lisa learns troubling information about Lala; and Scheana doesn't embrace Stassi's birthday traditions.

[ivygirl]

Lisa needs one of those cheesy "panty patrol" tshirts. Geez. She's like the underwear detective.

The trips were part disgusting, part hilarious.

I was so sad for Cline. It's one of the most laid back, friendly wineries (with good wine!) in Sonoma, and it STILL was too elegant for these clods. 

However I was very humored by Kristen. She seriously has stopped caring and it's funny. "They're all bad memories but I do it anyway." I don't think getting stupid drunk is all that funny, but it seemed like Kristen said it just to get Scheana's goat. 

Flashback to "we're getting bulldozers." <3

[Primetimer]

Trading WeHo for the lighter locales of Sonoma County and Montauk, this week finally SURves up something good.

View the full article

[WhosThatGirl]

I would be friends with drunk Araina. Not sober Araina. 

The trips were... not fun.

But also Schena was a real Debbie downer at Stassis party. 

Edited January 3, 2017 by WhosThatGirl

[ScoobieDoobs]

There was a point I just got totally lost -- when FI was shouting weirdly & babbling about needing sex, & Ari and Brit were getting messy drunk.  I didn't know what was going on and was losing interest fast.

Still, this ep was worth watching for the scenery alone.  Montauk in Summer is gorg -- and so is Sonoma.  Kristen laughing at Brit?  Didn't care for it.  So Kristen didn't get the appeal of Montauk?  Well, at least she admitted she does nothing.  Um, nothing besides collecting Bravo dough?  That she did NOT admit to.

Thank you, chucklefucks, for offering a new & ever-so-lowball use for the spit bucket.  Ah yes, a really gross & tacky use which would ONLY be thought of & done by chucklefucks.  I've been to many tastings & wineries & even wine festivals, but it never occurred to me that anyone would actually drink from a spit bucket.  Silly me.  

But kudos to Ari for classing up her drinking from the spit bucket by holding up a flower pot next to her while doing this idiocy.  Oh, Ari, making use of your acclaimed high IQ, are ya, hun?

Edited January 3, 2017 by ScoobieDoobs

[chick binewski]

26 minutes ago, ivygirl said:

I was so sad for Cline. It's one of the most laid back, friendly wineries (with good wine!) in Sonoma, and it STILL was too elegant for these clods. 

I know! Of the few wineries I've visited Cline was my favorite. The wine was great & the staff was tremendous. I'm sure their popularity will soar after everyone sees old spit is available for consumption.

Kristen's hearty fake laugh needs to go. Kristen needs to go. "My relationship is perfect! That's why I make out with Brittany and screw James on cars! Too bad Stassi's a virgin who can't drive! Just kidding!"

[dosodog]

Oh Ariana.

I'm pretty sure you not the first Winnebago to arrive at a Sonoma winery.  Nor will you be the last.

Please leave the genuine redneckedness to Brittany.  She does it just right.

It's a redneck dream y'all. 

[editorgrrl]

Of course the Toms and Jax are farty. We knew Schwartz has a low libido, but Sandoval is sexually frustrated? (He was obviously hoping fun drunk Ariana would have Winnebago sex with him.)

It was funny when Schwartz asked before trying the steak Ariana was eating (with her hands) if it'd been in anyone's butt. It was sad that Schwartz was so excited at the possibility of having just one night without hate texts from Tequila Katie. (And what was she doing with that grapefruit?)

I guess the Summer House crossover (like NASCAR and Lala's swan song) is coming next week? 

[ivygirl]

39 minutes ago, ScoobieDoobs said:

Thank you, chucklefucks, for offering a new & ever-so-lowball use for the spit bucket.  Ah yes, a really gross & tacky use which would ONLY be thought of & done by chucklefucks.  I've been to many tastings & wineries & even wine festivals, but it never occurred to me that anyone would actually drink from a spit bucket.  Silly me.  

But kudos to Ari for classing up her drinking from the spit bucket by holding up a flower pot next to her while doing this idiocy.  Oh, Ari, making use of your acclaimed high IQ, are ya, hun?

Totally disgusting but I think they may have gotten the idea from the movie Sideways. Intellectual Ariana has surely seen it, as she takes comedy so seriously.

The lowest bar for me was Schwartz declaring he detected a semen aftertaste *while the winery guy was still there.* I'm sure that folks in Sonoma are used to drunken clods, but that was so vulgar to me... and I usually like Schwartz. I wouldn't have put it past Brandi, however.

Edited January 3, 2017 by ivygirl

[HunterHunted]

I'm going to defend Scheana not participating in Stassi's hallowed birthday traditions. Scheana has only been to one other Stassi birthday. It was Cabo season 2. Stassi banished Scheana halfway through the trip because Scheana wasn't getting along with the Coven now featuring Rachel and was instead hanging with the guys and Shay. The only reason that Scheana has a clue what they do on one of Stassi's birthday trips is from watching episodes of Vanderpump Rules.

Most of these assholes are over 30. If Scheana needs to take it easy on the booze, so be it. It's not doing great things to Katie, Stassi, or Brittany. They've all put on weight except for Kristen. Kristen is some weird creature who not only survives, but thrives on cigarettes and alcohol. She looks better than she's ever looked.

The winery was wasted on these idiots. I was secondhand mortified. The spit bucket was so disgusting that I'm currently drinking copious amounts of alcohol so that it isn't permanently etched into my memory.

Every time they describe another one of Jax' disgusting habits, I think that Brittany is either the most laid back country chick in town or has terrible self-esteem. Even if he couldn't shower after surgery, he could have used baby wipes. Ugh, I can smell him through the TV.

Edited January 3, 2017 by HunterHunted

[ninjago]

13 minutes ago, HunterHunted said:

Most of these assholes are over 30. If Scheana needs to take it easy on the booze, so be it. It's not doing great things to Katie, Stassi, or Brittany. They've all put on weight except for Kristen. Kristen is some weird creature who not only survives, but thrives on cigarettes and alcohol. She looks better than she's ever looked.

Usually I hate the explanation that conflict on these shows is due to people being "jus jellus", but Scheana is obviously on a pretty rigorous summer body program (which limits her alcohol intake) and Stassi is obviously moving in the opposite direction and I feel like that is a big part of the tension between them.

Who was the other guy in the RV?

[editorgrrl]

1 minute ago, ninjago said:

Who was the other guy in the RV?

Ariana's brother Jeremy—but I just think of him as Manbun.

[ninjago]

1 minute ago, editorgrrl said:

Ariana's brother Jeremy—but I just think of him as Manbun.

Haha!  I just heard that. I thought it was James Vander Pump!

[HunterHunted]

I'm going to second Jennifer Lawrence on Jax' sweaty foot fetish "Ugh! It's not so much her feet as it is his tongue." The dude has terrible hygiene. Who knows what he's picked up or has living on him in a symbiotic relationship with the Jax' micro-environment.

Edited January 3, 2017 by HunterHunted

[Sun-Bun]

2 hours ago, HunterHunted said:

I'm going to defend Scheana not participating in Stassi's hallowed birthday traditions. Scheana has only been to one other Stassi birthday. It was Cabo season 2. Stassi banished Scheana halfway through the trip because Scheana wasn't getting along with the Coven now featuring Rachel and was instead hanging with the guys and Shay. The only reason that Scheana has a clue what they do on one of Stassi's birthday trips is from watching episodes of Vanderpump Rules.

Most of these assholes are over 30. If Scheana needs to take it easy on the booze, so be it. It's not doing great things to Katie, Stassi, or Brittany. They've all put on weight except for Kristen. Kristen is some weird creature who not only survives, but thrives on cigarettes and alcohol. She looks better than she's ever looked.

The winery was wasted on these idiots. I was secondhand mortified. The spit bucket was so disgusting that I'm currently drinking copious amount of alcohol so that it isn't permanently etched into my memory.

Every time they describe another one of Jax' disgusting habits, I think that Brittany is either the most laid back country chick in town or has terrible self-esteem. Even if he couldn't shower after surgery, he could have used baby wipes. Ugh, I can smell him through the TV.

Brittany is my redneck dream, y'all. Seriously, how stinkin' cute is she with her sweet country girl shtick?! The way she gleefully guzzles tequila and just hangs out like one of the dudes, she's my kind of gal. And she somewhat humanizes stinky fartbox Jax too, go figure---glad to see she finds his foot fetish oddly alluring, because seeing him suck dirty toes makes the bile rise to my throat.

My husband and his buddies and I actually enjoyed our first ever RV trip to a NASCAR race a few months ago and had a blast because it was just so ridiculously trashtastic; it's kinda hilarious trying out a redneck vacay when you're not remotely redneckish, so I give big kadooze to Arianna for even attempting it. I was the only female on my RV and the booze was indeed flowing and we grilled hot dogs/steak around a fire and talked about sex and farting too. Go figure that the chucklefucks managed to get me somewhat nostalgic for my own recent redneck dream experience.

The Montauk trip looks like such a total snoozefest, btw---it doesn't help that Scheana isn't remotely boozing it up, Stassi is being all weird and weepy, Kristen is trying to keep her cray at bay and Katie is just being a boring blob. All they did all day was sit at the beach and drink then go to a bar and awkwardly attempt to flirt at a douchey local restaurant. Which is exactly what they would do anywhere else in the world. Oh wait, the gals drunkenly flashed their "summer bodies" in the ocean while Scheana laughed at them. Mmmkay. 

I did enjoy the cruel flashback of Stassi at her smugest, back when she thought she was going to marry Patrick and was so "over" everyone at SUR, including the rest of the main cast. Yep, karma can indeed be cruel---speaking of karma, maybe since DJ James supposedly gave up booze for an ice cream addiction he'll get extra fat and develop lactose intolerance.

LaLa still sucks.

Edited January 3, 2017 by Sun-Bun

[ivygirl]

1 hour ago, Sun-Bun said:

The Montauk trip looks like such a total snoozefest, btw---it doesn't help that Scheana isn't remotely boozing it up, Stassi is being all weird and weepy, Kristen is trying to keep her cray at bay and Katie is just being a boring blob. All they did all day was sit at the beach and drink then go to a bar and awkwardly attempt to flirt at a douchey local restaurant. Which is exactly what they would do anywhere else in the world. Oh wait, the gals drunkenly flashed their flabby "summer bodies" in the ocean while Scheana laughed at them. Mmmkay. 

And Scheana's whiny pickiness about drinking didn't help, either. Stassi had a point: if Scheana was just mellow and said "nah thanks, I'll pass," she wouldn't be as much of a buzzkill. I mean I'm sure they would have still rolled their eyes at her, but at least she would've been a little less... annoying. Besides, in my experience, if you're around big drinkers and don't want to drink or just want to keep it to one, staying quiet and not shouting "NOT ME I NEED MY SPECIAL STRAW AND MY SPECIAL BOOZE BECAUSE I CAN'T DRINK," you're just attracting their attention even more.

[MsDiva2007]

Katie is going to need surgery to pull what little brain cells she has out of Stassi's rear. The girl doesn't have a mind of her own she couldn't find her behind with both hands tied behind her back without the demon seed Stassi around.

[WhosThatGirl]

54 minutes ago, ivygirl said:

And Scheana's whiny pickiness about drinking didn't help, either. Stassi had a point: if Scheana was just mellow and said "nah thanks, I'll pass," she wouldn't be as much of a buzzkill. I mean I'm sure they would have still rolled their eyes at her, but at least she would've been a little less... annoying. Besides, in my experience, if you're around big drinkers and don't want to drink or just want to keep it to one, staying quiet and not shouting "NOT ME I NEED MY SPECIAL STRAW AND MY SPECIAL BOOZE BECAUSE I CAN'T DRINK," you're just attracting their attention even more.

This. At this point she is creating an isolation. 

[yourmomiseasy]

If you keep having to tell everyone how awesome your RV birthday is, it probably isn't.  It looked to me like some of the Sonoma crew spent a whole lot of time worrying about if they were having a better time than the Montauk crew rather than just having a good time.  Maybe I'm just not seeing the inherent charm and fun an RV automatically adds since we had one when I was a kid.

I hate James, but I found sober DJ James Kennedy not only tolerable, but slightly enjoyable.

[Granimal]

3 hours ago, HunterHunted said:

I'm going to defend Scheana not participating in Stassi's hallowed birthday traditions. Scheana has only been to one other Stassi birthday. It was Cabo season 2. Stassi banished Scheana halfway through the trip because Scheana wasn't getting along with the Coven now featuring Rachel and was instead hanging with the guys and Shay. The only reason that Scheana has a clue what they do on one of Stassi's birthday trips is from watching episodes of Vanderpump Rules.

Most of these assholes are over 30. If Scheana needs to take it easy on the booze, so be it. It's not doing great things to Katie, Stassi, or Brittany. They've all put on weight except for Kristen. Kristen is some weird creature who not only survives, but thrives on cigarettes and alcohol. She looks better than she's ever looked.

The winery was wasted on these idiots. I was secondhand mortified. The spit bucket was so disgusting that I'm currently drinking copious amounts of alcohol so that it isn't permanently etched into my memory.

Every time they describe another one of Jax' disgusting habits, I think that Brittany is either the most laid back country chick in town or has terrible self-esteem. Even if he couldn't shower after surgery, he could have used baby wipes. Ugh, I can smell him through the TV.

Ariana didn't annoy me for once! And I found FI to be incredibly crass discussing his lack of sex life with Ari in front of her brother and on camera. Try a haircut Tom! Maybe you'll get laid then. Hearing about how he has to masturbate was the height of reality TV. Ugh.

And I accidentally quoted this post because yes, Kristin is in great shape for her lifestyle.

[bichonblitz]

3 hours ago, WhosThatGirl said:

This. At this point she is creating an isolation. 

I'm sure the producer's told Scheana to do just that. 

2 hours ago, yourmomiseasy said:

I hate James, but I found sober DJ James Kennedy not only tolerable, but slightly enjoyable.

Me, too. Go figure. James is the type of guy that will just get better looking as he ages and fills out a little bit.  If he could just stay sober he could become a decent guy. I think he's going to have a lot of relapses before then, though. He's still so young. All the other chucklefucks drink just as much as he does, he just can't hold his liquor (and what ever else he's doing) like the other's can. Don't Sandoval, Jax and Schwartz all have at least 10 years on him? 

[WhosThatGirl]

You're probably right about what the producers wanted. They need the story. 

James was pretty cool tonight. We will see if it sticks. It was interesting to hear that Lalas maybe married Range Rover giving boyfriend is hyper jealous or whatever and controls whatever she does. 

Also yeah, all those flashbacks of Lalas past behavior, reminds me she isn't a cool girl to hang out with. And yes based on the previews for next week I agree with Lisa saying Lala can't take the heat when she's in the kitchen pretty much.

[queenjen]

It's the holidays and I've finally dropped my standards (HA!), and ventured into VR. Starting with this season and working backwards.

To my virgin eyes, Ariana seems the best of the bunch. Brittany seem a good ole gal and the miracle cure for the ambulatory ailment that is Jax. I remembered that Scheana is one of the 'other women' in the Brandi/Eddie shitshow, and she interests me because she is an advertisement for the massive downside to 'weddings by Bravo': a big fat case of the existential 'WHAT NOWS???'. Seriously, we are seeing Katie heading in exactly that direction. And I do not understand  how this permanently premenstrual, vacuous blob has become the holy grail of friendship for the girls. Is the whole dynamic driven by the prospect of the next wedding by Bravo? Why has this ugly on the inside human developed so much power? I really need to know the answer to this. She seems to be calling all the shots and Scheana and Kristen and now Stassi are all falling over themselves to get in good with this one. Their exclusion of Lala is inexcusable. Lala obviously came in hot, but she is so young compared to these ageing monsters, and she just seems to be behaving the way that they all did and (sadly still do) when they were her age. And what happened to the frightening looking twins that invited Stassi to Montauk to begin with? Montauk looks really boring, thanks to this crew. It's a break from stuffing teatowels into envelopes, I guess.

James Kennedy looks like a muppet and once i worked out that's what I was seeing, it's all I CAN see. He's horrible. I don't think there's redemption there. George Michael's recent death may out his family as the ones that sold stories to the press about their famous relative, who knows. Certainly, there has already been a scandal about tweets coming from his account that was allegedly hacked. Nasty. James seems to have some kind of midline facial deformity, with his crushed ears and strange eyes. Kids with foetal alcohol syndrome can have ear deformities, but usually there are other specific facial anomalies as well, which he doesn't have. But his unfortunate booze personality and early difficulties with alcohol make me wonder. And his mother, who is a real piece of work. 

Is this the end for Lala? I heard she quits, but I didn't know if that meant during the actual season. Lala looks like the kind of girl who would do well with Mike from Shahs of Sunset. In fact, she reminds me a lot of Golnesa. Also interesting, given we are currently embroiled in the ridiculous 'Pantygate' SL over at RHOBH, is LVP and Lala's exchange over going commando this season. LVP certainly comes across as being more in her element in this show, because she's undoubtedly HBIC and no one can challenge her. Unlike the dynamic in RHOBH, where she has to remember to treat her castmates as human beings and at least be seen as extending a modicum of respect as equals. She looks much more comfortable in the VR context and so does Ken. 

The Toms appear to be more than a little into one another, as does Jax. I don't find any of the men on this show attractive and can't understand why any of the women would consider them marriage material. They are all almost middle aged and working in restaurants as servers. None of them seem to have serious believable ambition beyond that and I find it hard to believe that some of them even got through college. Who'd want to reproduce with that? How is the child going to go to college? THIS is what I don't get with the whole Scheana and now Katie marriage arc. The whole 'fairytale' fizzles out abruptly once they 'get a ring on it', because there is no believable future, or not one I can see. And Tom Sandoval's vocal fry reminds me sooo much of Craig's from Southern Charm. This does not reflect well on poor Sandoval. And why is he called 'Fl' here? 

I'm very late to the VR party, but I'd love to know the answers to some of these questions. I want to 'get' this show, currently I'm definitely struggling!

[SFoster21]

Two Toms:  Sandoval flat irons his hair.

[ghoulina]

I previously stated that I would have rather gone on the Nascar vacay than go to Montauk with The Coven, but now that I've seen they're riding around Sonoma in a giant fart machine, I'm not so sure. And on top of it, Tits McGhee hasn't showered in a week? No thanks. How about - I'll get a Motel 6 and meet you there, guys? 

Other than that, their trip seems way more fun, though. I just can't with Stassi and crew. They really are so hive minded. What, just because it's your birthday you get to micromanage what every other person does - from drinks to clothing to pool time? No. Scheana can be a tad OTT with her protestations, but as long as she's still hanging out and having a good time, who cares how much she drinks? I really hate that peer pressure drinking shit. You guys are all bloated and your skin looks like shit. So don't blame Scheana if she doesn't want to end up the same. 

Also, was it just me, or were their Montauk digs kind of janky? I mean, I'm no snob. I'd stay there. It looked decent enough. But I was expecting something a lot ritzier. It just looked very generic to me. Not very large, not very posh, squeaky ol sliding door, with a "private beach"? I had to laugh, because they kept showing footage of nicer places, as if that's where the girls were really staying. But then when you actually see them sitting out there, it was something much different. 

I can never 100% quit Stassi, though, because she gives me lines about Lala "blowing married Tall Greys to get a Space Range Rover". I died. I FLOVE that she has a "favorite" alien and she and Schwartz can bond over their mutual abduction theories. That was some good shit right there. 

As for where Lala really is? Don't care. She is shrouding herself in mystery so that everyone will be trying to guess what's going on, and I'm not having it. I just do NOT CARE. But I do think it was super shitty of her to bail last minute when she knew full well that Arianna had to buy a ticket in everyone's name. Fuck you, Lala. 

Arianna and Brittany seemed to be having a lot of fun. That was nice to see. Wasted Arianna is a lot more tolerable - she drops her holier than thou pretense. But in her THs she's still trying too hard to act like she's this super chill guy's girl. I have NEVER sat around and talked about tampons and Bridget Jones with my girlfriends. SO give it a rest. 

So apparently on one on VPR is having sex? Except for James and his inexplicable line up of desperate women? Ew. Actually, I think he had a lot more chemistry with Arthur. Just saying. 

[ghoulina]

6 hours ago, ivygirl said:

And Scheana's whiny pickiness about drinking didn't help, either. Stassi had a point: if Scheana was just mellow and said "nah thanks, I'll pass," she wouldn't be as much of a buzzkill. I mean I'm sure they would have still rolled their eyes at her, but at least she would've been a little less... annoying. Besides, in my experience, if you're around big drinkers and don't want to drink or just want to keep it to one, staying quiet and not shouting "NOT ME I NEED MY SPECIAL STRAW AND MY SPECIAL BOOZE BECAUSE I CAN'T DRINK," you're just attracting their attention even more.

I don't know. I think with this group you'd need a reason. Hell, they probably would require a note from your doctor to get you out of taking multiple green tea shots. They are just very peer pressury, and I don't know if a simple "no thanks" would fly with them. I can see them pressing and pressing and pressing. So it's possible that Scheana thought giving an actual reason (even a stupid or annoying one) would shut them up quicker. But I thought her attitude itself seemed light and breezy, so I really didn't get the big deal about her not wanting to imbibe as much as the others. 

[queenjen]

Re the janky Montauk digs, is it because the Hamptons are incredibly expensive? Are they there during 'the season'? I remember an episode of Million Dollar Listing where Flagg pulls a rabbit out of a hat while on holiday there for some picky people who lost their rental. Some of the options he provided them with were vertigo inducingly expensive. My only experience with the Hamptons is via RHs and shows like this and I've got the definite impression it's exclusive and expensive to be there. Though, by the looks of the talent arriving to chat up the girls at their table, maybe not so much. Maybe Montauk, or the bit of it that they're in, isn't all that. 

Lala has made a terrible decision if she's chucked this show in for some dude who's name shall not be spake. She could have been looking at some long term mileage on this show and a decent paycheque that she's bringing in independent of whatever sleazy, possibly married piece of nastiness she's attached herself to. She could have bought herself heaps of Range Rovers over the next couple of years, or leased herself a Bentley if she was smart. But apparently not. I hope she doesn't end up entertaining men on yachts, which I hear is a big thing for girls like her. Silly rabbit.

[Duke2801]

2 hours ago, queenjen said:

It's the holidays and I've finally dropped my standards (HA!), and ventured into VR. Starting with this season and working backwards.

To my virgin eyes, Ariana seems the best of the bunch. Brittany seem a good ole gal and the miracle cure for the ambulatory ailment that is Jax. I remembered that Scheana is one of the 'other women' in the Brandi/Eddie shitshow, and she interests me because she is an advertisement for the massive downside to 'weddings by Bravo': a big fat case of the existential 'WHAT NOWS???'. Seriously, we are seeing Katie heading in exactly that direction. And I do not understand  how this permanently premenstrual, vacuous blob has become the holy grail of friendship for the girls. Is the whole dynamic driven by the prospect of the next wedding by Bravo? Why has this ugly on the inside human developed so much power? I really need to know the answer to this. She seems to be calling all the shots and Scheana and Kristen and now Stassi are all falling over themselves to get in good with this one. Their exclusion of Lala is inexcusable. Lala obviously came in hot, but she is so young compared to these ageing monsters, and she just seems to be behaving the way that they all did and (sadly still do) when they were her age. And what happened to the frightening looking twins that invited Stassi to Montauk to begin with? Montauk looks really boring, thanks to this crew. It's a break from stuffing teatowels into envelopes, I guess.

James Kennedy looks like a muppet and once i worked out that's what I was seeing, it's all I CAN see. He's horrible. I don't think there's redemption there. George Michael's recent death may out his family as the ones that sold stories to the press about their famous relative, who knows. Certainly, there has already been a scandal about tweets coming from his account that was allegedly hacked. Nasty. James seems to have some kind of midline facial deformity, with his crushed ears and strange eyes. Kids with foetal alcohol syndrome can have ear deformities, but usually there are other specific facial anomalies as well, which he doesn't have. But his unfortunate booze personality and early difficulties with alcohol make me wonder. And his mother, who is a real piece of work. 

Is this the end for Lala? I heard she quits, but I didn't know if that meant during the actual season. Lala looks like the kind of girl who would do well with Mike from Shahs of Sunset. In fact, she reminds me a lot of Golnesa. Also interesting, given we are currently embroiled in the ridiculous 'Pantygate' SL over at RHOBH, is LVP and Lala's exchange over going commando this season. LVP certainly comes across as being more in her element in this show, because she's undoubtedly HBIC and no one can challenge her. Unlike the dynamic in RHOBH, where she has to remember to treat her castmates as human beings and at least be seen as extending a modicum of respect as equals. She looks much more comfortable in the VR context and so does Ken. 

The Toms appear to be more than a little into one another, as does Jax. I don't find any of the men on this show attractive and can't understand why any of the women would consider them marriage material. They are all almost middle aged and working in restaurants as servers. None of them seem to have serious believable ambition beyond that and I find it hard to believe that some of them even got through college. Who'd want to reproduce with that? How is the child going to go to college? THIS is what I don't get with the whole Scheana and now Katie marriage arc. The whole 'fairytale' fizzles out abruptly once they 'get a ring on it', because there is no believable future, or not one I can see. And Tom Sandoval's vocal fry reminds me sooo much of Craig's from Southern Charm. This does not reflect well on poor Sandoval. And why is he called 'Fl' here? 

I'm very late to the VR party, but I'd love to know the answers to some of these questions. I want to 'get' this show, currently I'm definitely struggling!

"FI" stands for Flat Iron.  In previous seasons - mainly when he was with Kristen - he spent an inordinate amount of time flat ironing his hair in his (shitty) apartment. 

If you have Hulu, all of the previous VR seasons are available for watching.  I highly recommend.  There is some quality entertainment in those earlier seasons!

[luleetuni]

1 hour ago, queenjen said:

 I hope she doesn't end up entertaining men on yachts, which I hear is a big thing for girls like her. Silly rabbit.

Oh but she does,  or at least "her friends do, she just goes for the free trip".  Last season, it was basically how she was introduced to the show.  She claimed she was going to Italy for a modeling gig and the girls outted her.  

 

I always love episodes where Lisa actually gets involved,  she always has always way of getting the truth from this group of habitual liars.

Edited January 3, 2017 by luleetuni

[queenjen]

Of course. I have heard that there's a big yacht scene closer to home and some of the 'Shahs' cast members are involved in it. Allegedly. That was what I was thinking about. But I remember now, her very first episode and her trip to model in Venice! The mean girls were far too thick to have called her out on this without prior knowledge of that particular scene!

 I've started back at last season, and I'm looking forward to the drama of the Stassi years etc, and watching Jax's face change. He's on some major 'roids, that one. The thick neck, weird skin and man boobs are a dead giveaway. Plus he flies off the handle. I've never seen the attraction of shrunken gonads and breasts on a man. And I wonder about Brittany and what she sees?!

[ivygirl]

3 hours ago, queenjen said:

To my virgin eyes, Ariana seems the best of the bunch. Brittany seem a good ole gal and the miracle cure for the ambulatory ailment that is Jax. [snip] 

Their exclusion of Lala is inexcusable. Lala obviously came in hot, but she is so young compared to these ageing monsters, and she just seems to be behaving the way that they all did and (sadly still do) when they were her age. 

In earlier seasons, Ariana is insufferable (and talks about how intelligent she is, so she'd agree with you). She even makes you feel sympathy for Kristen at some points.

Aside from Scheana and her escapades with Eddie, I'm not sure the others acted like Lala in their younger years. The way she's introduced in an earlier season, she seems kinda shady in a way the others aren't. She also taunts the other girls and hits on their men, and then cries about how other women are so mean and that's why she gets along better with guys. That's my read on it, based on a vibe I get. Others' MMV.

2 hours ago, ghoulina said:

So apparently on one on VPR is having sex? Except for James and his inexplicable line up of desperate women? Ew. Actually, I think he had a lot more chemistry with Arthur. Just saying. 

I thought they were going to tell us that Arthur was James' sober buddy/accountability dude. 

2 hours ago, ghoulina said:

I don't know. I think with this group you'd need a reason. Hell, they probably would require a note from your doctor to get you out of taking multiple green tea shots. They are just very peer pressury, and I don't know if a simple "no thanks" would fly with them. I can see them pressing and pressing and pressing. So it's possible that Scheana thought giving an actual reason (even a stupid or annoying one) would shut them up quicker. But I thought her attitude itself seemed light and breezy, so I really didn't get the big deal about her not wanting to imbibe as much as the others. 

Stassi's quote was technically more along the lines of "there are better ways of turning down a shot than telling me I'll be hung over in the morning." It's all in Scheana's presentation. She doesn't have her special straw. Ew, green tea shots. Ew, I can't do this because I have bad college flashbacks. So maybe a simple "I'll pass" would have been less effective, but perhaps if she hadn't been so typically dramatic and told them, off camera, "look, I'm under doctors' orders to keep it  one drink a day" or "I'm on meds, and I can't drink much, so chill with the forced drinking, at least for me," it would've been less... annoying--even if a slight fib. It may not have stopped Stassi's comments, but it would have given them less fuel.

[ExplainItAgain]

I binged this season of VR over the holidays. Now I hate myself.

I hate myself even more for saying: James looked so much better after 2 weeks sober. His face looked healthy, he had some color, just looked more awake and present. I'm sure this won't last. Still wouldn't touch him with a 39 1/2 foot pole.

What the hell does Brittany see in Jax? I watched the first few seasons, but I never saw last season. She is sweet but there has to be some fatal flaw if she finds sweaty and stinky Jax attractive.

[ghoulina]

40 minutes ago, ivygirl said:

Stassi's quote was technically more along the lines of "there are better ways of turning down a shot than telling me I'll be hung over in the morning." It's all in Scheana's presentation. She doesn't have her special straw. Ew, green tea shots. Ew, I can't do this because I have bad college flashbacks. So maybe a simple "I'll pass" would have been less effective, but perhaps if she hadn't been so typically dramatic and told them, off camera, "look, I'm under doctors' orders to keep it  one drink a day" or "I'm on meds, and I can't drink much, so chill with the forced drinking, at least for me," it would've been less... annoying--even if a slight fib. It may not have stopped Stassi's comments, but it would have given them less fuel.

MMV, but at this point I think The Coven, especially Stassi, is looking for anything they can to find fault with Scheana. I think they want her out of the Coven, but want justification. So they wanted to paint her as being annoying and selfish the entire "birthday" trip. Stassi SAID that in her TH, but I'm not really buying it. I think however Scheana handled it, they would have had an issue. That's just the vibe I'm getting. I really didn't think Scheana's refusals were the equivalent of a "Debbie Downer" move, but that's just me. 

[Pop Tart]

Quote

It was sad that Schwartz was so excited at the possibility of having just one night without hate texts from Tequila Katie. (And what was she doing with that grapefruit?)

I saw this differently and think that Schwartz passive-aggressively pokes at Katie and then wants to cry victim about how mean she is to him. They were having a great conversation, both laughing and expressing their love for one another and then he mentions how this is so much better then her sending him angry texts, etc. You could see all of the other women in the room with Katie sort of recoil a bit when he brought that into the conversation, because there was no reason for it at that moment other then to dig at Katie and make the point to the others, because he knew he was still on speakerphone, about how Katie is usually mean to him.

And I think he does this to her a lot. The episode when they did the test drive of the car for Lisa and Katie went off on him because he made another comment about not wanting the wedding - I think he'd probably been making many comments (much like he did when they went to look at the wedding venue) and they only showed one and Katie's response because she's getting the villain edit this year. 

None of this is to say that Katie doesn't respond badly, she does. But I just can't get behind the poor, poor Schwartz, he's such a cool guy, idea. I think he loves being able to paint himself as the victim of all of Katie's bad behavior and never wants to take any responsibility for his role in their dynamic. Add this to his comment about semen in the wine, which I'm sure he thought would be oh so shockingly witty, but was just so gross and inappropriate given the staff person from Cline was standing right there, and you have me hating the guy.

[psychoticstate]

24 minutes ago, ExplainItAgain said:

I hate myself even more for saying: James looked so much better after 2 weeks sober. His face looked healthy, he had some color, just looked more awake and present. I'm sure this won't last. Still wouldn't touch him with a 39 1/2 foot pole.

Agreed.  This is my biggest takeaway from this episode.  I actually LIKED James in this episode.  I feel like I need to smack myself with a wet noodle for even entertaining the idea of liking James, much less FEELING such a thing. 

That said, Arthur needs to be James' roommate and accountability buddy because he has it down.  I hope James can stay sober for his own health and for the viewers' mental health.  

I need to make myself a note NEVER to eat while watching this show.  I did not need to hear about Jax not showering for a week (is that a normal week for him?), being farty and then being exposed to his slice and dice man boobs.  But I most especially did not need to see the Nugget chugging from a spit bucket.  That is beyond disgusting.  Just the notation that you are drinking from a spit bucket is bad enough but the bacteria and germs . . . I feel sick just thinking about it. 

I guess the Nugget has graduated into the too cool for sex territory?  At their ages and in a 2-ish year relationship, they should not be in a friends with occasional benefits thing.  Of course I also don't think it's healthy to live and work with your significant other (you too, Brittany and Jax.)  

I've been to several Nascar events and they are fun.  I am past the point of wanting to be drunk off my ass for entire weekends, however.  And being trapped in a Winnebago with three farting machines. 

I would have loved to go to Montauk . . . but not with StASSi and Katie.  Kristen and Scheana are okay.  I'm not going to knock Scheana for not wanting to drink.  Not just her workout but she also has/had a husband who was in recovery.  He wasn't with them but I get it. Plus I hate people who try to bully you into drinking.  

So StASSi is grossed out by an older man expressing interest in her because of gray pubes?  But she's okay with dating someone who is 45.  Sometimes people who are 45 can have gray pubes, StASSi.  Regardless, she really made part of her trip a downer by crying about not being in a relationship.  Wah. 

And Katie.  God.  I used to like her but she's become absolutely insufferable. 

Unless we find out that Lala is dating Scheana's former married man Eddie, I really don't care.  Although I would be pissed at her too if I had been friends with her and stuck up for her all season and she bailed  - - buying a ticket for Nascar is just icing on the cake. 

[njbchlover]

I'm still somewhat shocked to learn that Schaena actually WENT to college....I mean, did she really attend (and/or graduate) from college, or did she just attend frat parties at a college near where she lived?  

[zenme]

I need to know what Brittany's childhood or upbringing was like that she's ok to be in a relationship with the likes of Jax.  I don't get it. 

[Suck It Trebek]

15 hours ago, ivygirl said:

"They're all bad memories but I do it anyway."

Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold.

[worleybird]

If Jax stunk SO bad, how the heck did they let him on the plane?

[OnceSane]

14 hours ago, ivygirl said:

Totally disgusting but I think they may have gotten the idea from the movie Sideways

Or Bob's Burgers.

Scheana laughing at the Mean Girls during their lighthouse-lit skinny dip had me rolling.  It seemed like the best part of the trip for her (aside from FaceTiming with Brittany "it's a redneck's dream!").

[yourmomiseasy]

2 hours ago, psychoticstate said:

I'm not going to knock Scheana for not wanting to drink.  Not just her workout but she also has/had a husband who was in recovery.  He wasn't with them but I get it.

That wasn't an issue for her last season when she wanted him to be able to just drink a little because him being completely sober would be boring for her.

[HunterHunted]

3 hours ago, ghoulina said:

MMV, but at this point I think The Coven, especially Stassi, is looking for anything they can to find fault with Scheana. I think they want her out of the Coven, but want justification. So they wanted to paint her as being annoying and selfish the entire "birthday" trip. Stassi SAID that in her TH, but I'm not really buying it. I think however Scheana handled it, they would have had an issue. That's just the vibe I'm getting. I really didn't think Scheana's refusals were the equivalent of a "Debbie Downer" move, but that's just me. 

Oh completely. There isn't a damn thing that Scheana could have said regarding drinking that The Coven would have accepted. Scheana's said a bunch of things that could be mood killers especially as they relate to Shay. I don't feel like she's busting them out at Montauk. Scheana isn't drinking and she isn't shaming the rest of them. I think The Coven should stop flapping their complaint holes and suck down some green tea shots. 

I can't believe how charming Katie was with the bartender. If anything is a sign that she and Schwartz shouldn't have gotten married, it's this.  I didn't think she was capable of being an appealing human being until this episode.

[Jennifersdc]

3 hours ago, ExplainItAgain said:

I binged this season of VR over the holidays. Now I hate myself.

I hate myself even more for saying: James looked so much better after 2 weeks sober. His face looked healthy, he had some color, just looked more awake and present. I'm sure this won't last. Still wouldn't touch him with a 39 1/2 foot pole.

What the hell does Brittany see in Jax? I watched the first few seasons, but I never saw last season. She is sweet but there has to be some fatal flaw if she finds sweaty and stinky Jax attractive.

Sorry about the self-hate. I'm with you. That happens when you binge.?As well as thinking James Kennedy looks good.?

Brittany is very cute. I hate to think her interest in the walking STD is VP related. She does seem to like him though.

[ExplainItAgain]

Just now, Jennifersdc said:

Sorry about the self-hate. I'm with you. That happens when you binge.?As well as thinking James Kennedy looks good.?

Brittany is very cute. I hate to think her interest in the walking STD is VP related. She does seem to like him though.

Well, let's not go crazy. I said he looked better, not good. Heh.

[ghoulina]

1 hour ago, OnceSane said:

Scheana laughing at the Mean Girls during their lighthouse-lit skinny dip had me rolling.  It seemed like the best part of the trip for her (aside from FaceTiming with Brittany "it's a redneck's dream!").

I was truly hoping she would take their bathrobes while they were in the water and make a run for it. 

[jaync]

Ariana should get drunk onscreen more often.

Shitty move by LaLa to flake on the trip. Unless she's going to be more open about her love life, then she's rather useless. If DJMB needs someone to engage with he has FI, Ariana, Max and Arthur.

Quote

Flashback to "we're getting bulldozers." <3

Yes! Classic scene.

Brittany is such a doll. She offers a nice balance to the chucklefucks.

Quote

Kristen laughing at Brit?  Didn't care for it.

When did that happen?

Good episode.

[luvgoldens]

What is with Schwartz' obsession with watching his friends consume gross bodily fluids?  He cooks his groomsmen a steak that has been marinated in his butt crack; remarks that the wine has a slight flavor of semen in front of the winery host; and thinks up a game where the loser drinks the spit bucket.  Enough already.

[dosodog]

10 hours ago, Duke2801 said:

"FI" stands for Flat Iron.  In previous seasons - mainly when he was with Kristen - he spent an inordinate amount of time flat ironing his hair in his (shitty) apartment. 

If you have Hulu, all of the previous VR seasons are available for watching.  I highly recommend.  There is some quality entertainment in those earlier seasons!

I just finished season 1 and started 2.  Stassi's little brother made an appearance and was just as wise at 8 as he is now.   Do it!  It's crazy fun to watch Kristen and FI actually get along.  And weird too.  Ariana just got hired.  I suspect there will be shenanigans.

And not the good kind of shenanigans. 

[luleetuni]

8 hours ago, Pop Tart said:

I saw this differently and think that Schwartz passive-aggressively pokes at Katie and then wants to cry victim about how mean she is to him. 

Totally agree.   Schwartz has always been the most likeable for me but there have been multiple instances over the show where he has made Katie appear like the bad guy.  She even said in season 2 or 3 that it's not fair he gets to be loveable tom and she looks like a bitch.   He is just so damn charming when he wants to be.

So as much as it pains me to recommend it, you guys should listen to Stassi's podcast.  I binge listened to pump rules related episodes over the holidays (too much car time without kids in the car).  Apparently Katie and Tom's whole no sex shtick is just that, a shtick.   Also,  while a lot can't be divulged because no one knows what will air, stassi dished on the bathroom incident and that there was a bigger issue with Scheana the whole time.   From reading between the lines from the last few episodes, it seems like she was the one instigating the Lala stuff and then backing off when cameras were on.  She definitely was in the wrong no matter how she approached the trip from what it sounded like.  Oh and Lala is a horrible person who repeatedly offered Tom sex or a new girlfriend. 

[ParadoxLost]

9 hours ago, ghoulina said:

MMV, but at this point I think The Coven, especially Stassi, is looking for anything they can to find fault with Scheana. I think they want her out of the Coven, but want justification. So they wanted to paint her as being annoying and selfish the entire "birthday" trip. Stassi SAID that in her TH, but I'm not really buying it. I think however Scheana handled it, they would have had an issue. That's just the vibe I'm getting. I really didn't think Scheana's refusals were the equivalent of a "Debbie Downer" move, but that's just me. 

I think ScheanA's only reason not to drink was to limit caloric intake but she knew better to say it.  She knows that the others are looking for an excuse to go off on her and that would get twisted blow up in her face even if as she meant nothing by it.  So she had to come up with other excuses.