Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[leighroda]

"Bae" actually stands for "Before Anyone Else." At first I thought it was a shortened term for "Babe" or "Baby," but working with teenagers- they've informed me that indeed it has it's own definition.

That's so funny, I thought the same thing, but my best friend is a high school French teacher and she told me that is what it stands for... But I didn't want to post it here because I wasn't 100% sure that was true.

[DangerousMinds]

It's the new slang for "babe".

That is the most asinine thing I've ever heard. Two syllables must be too long for the kids today.

[Zahdii]

How about 'pwnd' instead of 'owned'?  As in, "Dude!  You just got pwnd!"  I realize that each new generation tends to create their own slang, but this stuff is really silly.

[trimthatfat]

I just hope we don't get any "Bae caught me sleeping" poses with Jill pretending Derick took the picture and we see her reflection in the mirror holding up the phone. 

LMAO! We've already seen the equivalent of 'cooking for bae' pics from Jill. Never thought I'd see 'bae' on this website.

[LazyToaster]

Maybe this type of slang originates from what I call "text talk".  I could roll my eyes, but then I remember how my parents rolled their eyes back in the 60's when we said things like neat, cool, groovy, and tough (used to describe a cute boy).   

[Ljohnson1987]

If Jill is no longer a midwife, does that mean that Jana can't be a doula anymore?  I never thought that she was into it anyway. Maybe she'll be able to finally do something that she enjoys. 

[Rhondinella]

Please move on from the off-topic "slang" and "text language" talk discussion.  Thanks.

[Absolom]

I think Jana probably danced a private jig when Jill quit the midwife program.  I don't think she ever looked into either being a doula or a midwife and was probably very happy to let it go. 

[bigskygirl]

If Jill starts up the training again will she need to have someone go with her to make she does not enter the evil heathen world. The girl is a married woman, not a five year old who needs strict supervising.

[WTFFF]

Anna seems to be allowed to do things for herself over the course of the day, so I guess once you're married, you're suddenly immune to the evils of the outside world.

[Absolom]

Married people magically become fully adult with the ceremony and no longer need "accountability partners." 

[PinkSprinkles]

I think the husband becomes the accountability partner at that point. 

[Libby96]

As much as I hate that adult single women can't go anywhere alone, I'm glad they at least lift that for women if they are married. I can't imagine needing a chaperone to go to the grocery store or browse at the library. Though it's not as bad, it reminds me of strict Muslim countries where women can't leave the house without a male relative.

[Mariva]

I think Jana probably danced a private jig when Jill quit the midwife program.  I don't think she ever looked into either being a doula or a midwife and was probably very happy to let it go. 

On one of the early seasons, back when the show was still called '14 Kids & Counting', Jana said her dream profession was to be a midwife. I'm guessing she was around 14 or 15 when she made that statement? I find it sad that she has apparently lost interest in midwifery since then but I did notice watching the show that Jana often looked uncomfortable while she was tagging alongside Jill at the birthing center.  Hopefully she can find something else to do that will make her happy and still get her out of the house once in a while. 

 

I have doubts on those rumors about Jana becoming a doula just so she can chaperone Jill at the birthing center. I seem to recall there being many times when Jill was left at home alone so she can go to work while the rest of the family, Jana included, went off to one of their many home conference trips. I'm more inclined to believe that at some point, both Jana and Jill had interest in midwifery but then Jana found out that it wasn't exactly what she expected. I think she kept up with her doula training just to save face on camera but she was already on her way out well before Jill stopped working once she got married.

Edited July 28, 2014 by Mariva

[overbooked]

Ha ha...browse at the library.  Like that would ever happen.  In the library world we have a saying: "If there is nothing in our collection that offends you, please let us know because that means there is a gap in our collection that needs to be filled."  I'm sure the Duggars would find something offensive on every shelf.

Edited July 29, 2014 by overbooked

[Merriwind]

Isn't Jesus supposed to come before anyone else? Doesn't seem like Jill referring to Derrick as "bae" is inline with their beliefs.

[PinkSprinkles]

Rolfcopter. I'm so sorry I unleashed the bae talk. As far as I know @Merriwind, Jill has never referred to Derrick as bae. 

[cereality]

Well looks like Jill is keeping busy lunching with Derick at the Walmart cafeteria -- new picture on instagram.

[Sew Sumi]

A Mommy's Butterfly FB page is looking for new apprentices, saying that two have "completed training." Could those two have quit sometime in early June and have names that start with J? Hmmm....

[cereality]

Nice pictures of Jill and Derick this weekend -- at a friends wedding in Tennessee (maybe without the entire family in tow - I wonder if it was Derick's friend) and in a car with a few of the older Bates kids. It's nice to see them on their own like a normal young couple doing stuff with friends, rather than always having to go everywhere in a group of 20.

[abseedee]

Nice pictures of Jill and Derick this weekend -- at a friends wedding in Tennessee (maybe without the entire family in tow - I wonder if it was Derick's friend) and in a car with a few of the older Bates kids. It's nice to see them on their own like a normal young couple doing stuff with friends, rather than always having to go everywhere in a group of 20.

It's Derick's friend and groomsman Madison McCalmon and it looks like Derick was a groomsman for him in return.  IIRC Jill wore that outfit at another wedding but it looks good on her.  I'm glad she didn't wear one of her flower head bands with it.  But yeah, it is nice to see them doing their own stuff.

[cereality]

It's Derick's friend and groomsman Madison McCalmon and it looks like Derick was a groomsman for him in return.  IIRC Jill wore that outfit at another wedding but it looks good on her.  I'm glad she didn't wear one of her flower head bands with it.  But yeah, it is nice to see them doing their own stuff.

 

Looks like Madison was a missionary in Nepal and he met his wife during missionary training and she went to India for her mission. I guess Derick got to know each other well over there and seems like both were long distance dating girls while over there. Nice to see that they're making couple friends who have some similar interests; now when they go to Knoxville, they can stay with and socialize with their friends rather than dealing with 40+ people at the Bates' home. I'm hoping they continue to take their own trips without the whole family -- it's nice to bond while doing long road trips, maybe stopping to see some local sights etc.

[alt0233]

If you had "less than three months" in the "how long until people start reporting on Derick and Jill's marriage being in trouble" office pool... You win! http://www.kpopstarz.com/articles/103005/20140808/jill-duggar-derick-dillard-marriage-wedding-19-kids-and-counting-tlc-season-duggars.htm

[mbutterfly]

Yikes, they were getting bored! 

[Zahdii]

What a crock.  I would hope that those two weren't such toddlers that they need to be entertained all the time.  Especially if they're actually trying to have a baby ASAP.

[cereality]

What a crock.  I would hope that those two weren't such toddlers that they need to be entertained all the time.  Especially if they're actually trying to have a baby ASAP.

Seriously. That article seems made up. It's not like Jill is used to being so entertained and now she's bored -- she grew up not even going to school and doing chores with her sisters all day long. This isn't someone who is used to having a hundred girlfriends at school and then heading out to a sports practice followed by dinner with the team -- I highly doubt her new life is so different or boring for her esp since her sisters are her best friends and she sees them pretty much whenever during the day. Derick -- ok maybe; he went from having a fun college dorm life to a 2 yr mission in Nepal where he was likely out and about all day, and now he's chained to a desk 9-5 but he seems like a mature guy who gets that everyone goes through this in their 20s at their first professional job. And I should hope their marriage isn't boring to them just yet -- they're likely trying and doing things they've only been doing for the last month; it should still be pretty exciting.

[Mariva]

Did people even read the previous article about their so-called marital troubles? The writer was obviously trolling. Basically the only "evidence" that writer has for sourcing their marriage problems is that Derick didn't mow their lawn one day so now poor Jill is having lunch with her sister so she could lament over her husband neglecting his duties. That's it. C'mon, if that site wants to spread false rumors, surely they could have come up with a juicier story than that?

 

ETA: Also that same writer rationalizes (is she/he on the Dillard family patrol?) that because Jill hasn't been posting photos of her and cute babies lately that *must* mean her and Derick are no longer interested in starting a family of their own. Quick, someone tell Jill she needs to find another baby to exploit...

Edited August 9, 2014 by Mariva

[starfire]

Yeah, that is the dumbest thing I have read lately. All based on a Twitter pic that Jill posted of some of her brothers who had come over to mow the lawn. So the "author" ran with it, saying that Derick had neglected his duties as a husband by not mowing the lawn, forcing Jill to call her brothers to do it. She had lunch with  Jessa and for sure they must've discussed Derick and his neglectful ways. And Jill and Derrick "repaired" their marriage at the wedding of their friends and are hopefully back on track.

 

How corny!

[lottiedottie]

I guess that's what passes as journalism these days. 

 

Every newlywed couple experiences an adjustment period, even if you live together prior to marriage because marriage just makes things feel different. I imagine Jill's adjustment to her new life is even more challenging given she's been surrounded by two dozen people her entire life, and has probably never gone to the bathroom without someone yelling for her, and has never cooked a meal for just two people.

 

Poor girl is probably bored as hell--to kids to take care of and a husband that actually goes to work. A girl can only clean the house so many times. We all know she's not allowed to read any book besides a bible. I feel sorry for her! She probably wants a baby so she'll have something to do!

[mythoughtis]

The first year of marriage is difficult as you come to know your spouse in new  little ways, and that is for couples who were allowed to know each other in the first place.  Add in the effect of never having a single actual conversation that was just for the two of you alone, and you gets lots of adjustment.  Add in Jill not ever being able to make a decision about anything other than if the woman delivering should push, and you get Derick being the only adult in the marriage.  Derick is used to women that decide for themselves if they are going to the mall, have lunch, buy a small item for the house, etc. derrick is used to only being financially responsible for himself.   Derick has a Mom battling cancer, and relatives that possibly think he's lost his mind.  Jill has 20 people who don't understand that she's not available to them 24 by 7, and that Jim Bob can't tell her what to do all of those 24 by 7 minutes  Jill is likely trying to reconcile her (parents') beliefs versus Derick's beliefs, along with the fact that she is supposed to (in her parents culture) defer to Derick in all matters. Even when she doesn't want to.

 

So quite possibly they were seen having an actual real adult difference of opinion that blew over in 5 minutes, but some idiot ran to the tabloids with it. 

 

I am also sure the brothers enjoy coming to her house where it is quiet. There's most likely a TV and a computer without a password, maybe some books and magazines. Maybe they get to have actual conversations with each other about what they want when they grow up.  Maybe they get to earn actual money lawn mowing.

[floridamom]

It would seem to me that Jill, indeed, may be having some marital adjustment issues. In the first place, as stated above in another post, Jill was never allowed to really know Derick or even go anywhere while in public alone with the guy.

 

Secondly, Jill has never experienced anyone around her who had an actual 9-5 J.O.B. that they had to report to and actually stay until 5pm, 5 days a week, every week...So, if Derick came home one evening after work a bit more tired and didn't have to energy or desire to mow those multiple acres of land at home, maybe he passed on it that night and Jill would have absolutely NO idea what it feels like to be tired from an actual job. She also has been raised to do your chores at home, cheerfully, quickly, and pay no mind to how you feel about it. They all have been raised as robots to benefit the household. Now, she has her own household, and Derick is used to a more mainstream life.

 

Thirdly, yes, she has never been alone with herself, and she is NOW alone 40+ hours a week, every week even while in her own home. It is a great emotional swing on the pendulum for her. I guess her parents didn't think enough about their stupid rules and how an adult who has been kept a child her whole life would adjust to such a change in everything.

 

Fourthly, she is now sleeping with her husband, not her baby sisters..BIG difference there.

 

Lastly, these lunches she may have with her not-married sisters consist totally about superficial, "G" rated conversation. I'm quite confident that she isn't permitted to share ANY information or concerns about what is now included in her life as a wife other than household duties, etc. She has no one to talk to; she has been raised to not trust anyone outside of her nuclear/blood family so she probably won't talk to Derick's mom about anything, for she wears pants, works outside the home, and has a college degree. The woman has major health concerns as far as we know, ( I hope she has beat it by now and is on her way to being healthy and well). No telling what Jill really thinks of this woman who lives such a "secular" lifestyle.

[DangerousMinds]

No reason why stay-at-home Jill couldn't have mowed her own damn lawn.

[Higgins]

I think it is all bunk. The whole story is made up.

[Libby96]

If she does mow it, let's hope she breaks out some footwear other than flip flops.

[Zahdii]

No reason why stay-at-home Jill couldn't have mowed her own damn lawn.

 

Gender roles.  She's had them crammed down her throat since the moment she was born.  Even knowing that her own damned so-called mother mowed lawns when she was younger won't help.  Jill would definitely not mow in a pair of shorts and a bikini top, but even if she did it wearing a burka Jill would be terrified the whole time that some man would see her and run home to divorce his wife.

 

However, if Jill's brothers come over and mow the lawn that's fine with me.  It seems to me that the males in that family do a whole lotta nothing.  An afternoon away from their idiot parents doing a nice thing for someone, even if it's just their sister and brother in law, is a good thing.  Maybe one of them will get the idea to borrow the lawnmower and see if he can make a few bucks all by himself.

[BitterApple]

I look at the lawn mowing from a different angle. Jill busted her ass as an unpaid nanny for years while the Duggar boys lazed around and did jack shit. Helping their sister with some yard work is the least they can do.

mythoughtis, the points you mention are where I think Dill might run into some legit trouble. A friend of mine used to date a super subservient Japanese girl. She drove him crazy because she literally would not make an autonomous decision about ANYTHING. From what to cook for dinner to what kind of soap to buy at the drugstore, she would call and ask him. He eventually grew bored and dumped her. Now, I don't think Derick will do that, but I can see him getting annoyed.

[Absolom]

I see Jill as quite capable of deciding on dinner, soap, decorating, and such.  She may well be bored or looking for things to fill her days though.  She has had photos of other siblings so she may have invited the boys over. 

[Rhondinella]

Or those entire articles are just trolling based on nothing other than a desire for clicks on a website.  I'm going with that one.

[cereality]

I see Jill as quite capable of deciding on dinner, soap, decorating, and such.  She may well be bored or looking for things to fill her days though.  She has had photos of other siblings so she may have invited the boys over. 

Agree she has done domestic things her whole life and the one thing she doesn't need a man's opinion on is cooking, cleaning etc. In fact, she comes from a culture where women are to take care of those things without bothering the man, so I don't see her calling Derick from the grocery story asking about what brand of soap to buy. I can however see her deferring to Derick on more "worldy" things -- news, politics, sports etc. She has had no exposure to those issues, and she may feel that she must defer to her man's opinion on those types of things and not go "against" him in any way. Depending on how Derick is, I could see that throwing him or even actively driving him nuts. Some men are used to women being intelligent equals -- at least for day to day discussion purposes, even if the man controls the family. Derick may be the type who enjoys getting into a small debate about the news or sports and may not love for the wife to always repeat what he says. I don't think we've seen enough of him on camera yet to see what he's really like. Whereas Ben -- I can see how he would expect his wife to agree that the earth is flat, if he said so.

[alt0233]

Oh, I totally think that the website is just telling for clicks. I wouldn't be surprised if Jill is having adjustment issues - I think anyone who didn't live with their SO prior to marriage probably has summer adjustment issues to marriage, but that doesn't mean their marriage needs to be saved, just that they need to figure out how to work through their tweaks.

[bk10]

http://instagram.com/p/rgY1jrmCTF/?modal=true

Derick posted a picture on instagram with Jill and his mom. He said God has worked a miracle in her life so I'm praying she's cancer free. 

[DangerousMinds]

If she's cancer free he should be thanking her doctors.

[mledawn]

If she's cancer free he should be thanking her doctors.

 

I take slight issue with this comment, with nothing personal intended to you, DangerousMinds. It seems to be the knee-jerk reaction to these kinds of "thanking God/Jesus" statements, and I'm also guilty of it, if I'm honest. But, maybe to Derrick and his family, Jesus's miracle in her life was bringing her to the health care system she used, the doctors she had, the friends that surround them - we don't know what he meant by that.

 

When my father was in remission, he thanked his doctors, his nurses, his family, his friends, and God. If you are cancer free you thank anything and everything that might have had a hand in your health, and if you're a person of faith, that includes God.

Derrick thanking Jesus doesn't preclude him thanking his mother's doctors, even if he didn't post it on instagram.

 

I readily admit discussion around cancer makes me particularly sensitive, so grain of salt and all that...

Edited August 10, 2014 by mledawn

[Marigny]

I take slight issue with this comment, with nothing personal intended to you, DangerousMinds. It seems to be the knee-jerk reaction to these kinds of "thanking God/Jesus" statements, and I'm also guilty of it, if I'm honest. But, maybe to Derrick and his family, Jesus's miracle in her life was bringing her to the health care system she used, the doctors she had, the friends that surround them - we don't know what he meant by that.

 

When my father was in remission, he thanked his doctors, his nurses, his family, his friends, and God. If you are cancer free you thank anything and everything that might have had a hand in your health, and if you're a person of faith, that includes God.

Derrick thanking Jesus doesn't preclude him thanking his mother's doctors, even if he didn't post it on instagram.

 

I readily admit discussion around cancer makes me particularly sensitive, so grain of salt and all that...

Having been through my mother battling and beating a stage 4 diagnosis, I agree with you. When you go through something like that, you realize just how much God works through others and thanking him is an acknowledgment of all that was involved in getting that person healed. 

[Higgins]

Where is God for those who don't make it? Where is God for those children who suffer torture?

[Rhondinella]

NOTE FROM MOD:  Everyone, I'm not against the idea of a discussion of the question of theodicy (the fancy theological term for the question of why God allows suffering) and the role of Christian prayer as long as it can be done respectfully and thoughtfully.   HOWEVER, the place for that conversation would be in the Religion thread of this forum, not here.

 

If this does continue there I WILL be keeping a very close eye on it.  I like to give intelligent people a chance to thoughtfully and respectfully discuss issues they may disagree on.  But if people cannot recognize other viewpoints may have value to someone else or are not willing to listen to another perspective I will shut it down, OK?  Thanks.

 

Any further conversation on this topic here will be deleted automatically and you may receive a warning.

[Ljohnson1987]

Marriage is hard for anyone. Especially someone who only knew her fiancé though video chats supervised by parents.  I hope that Derrick and Jill are able to live a normal life, but I doubt that'll happen. Why do these kids want their children to live the same lives they did? Don't any want to break the cycle?

[Rhondinella]

I have a feeling they're doing just fine.  There are always adjustments in any relationship when you start living together and being together all the time, no matter how often you were together previously.  I certainly wouldn't assume just from the word of some troll-y clickbait that there is anything outside the normal going on with these two.

[abseedee]

OT, Woohoo!  I survived Hurricanes Iselle and Julio.  Well, more like tropical storms.

 

I did read that twisted story about Jill and Derick's marital woes and laughed at it.  I don't know how they got all of that just by those instagram photos.  It does not make any sense.

Of course Jill and Derick will have to go through adjustments with married life but, I think they will get through them just fine.

 

ETA:  Derick's mom looks great!  I am happy she is doing better.

Edited August 10, 2014 by abseedee

[maraleia]

I bet it's been an adjustment for Jill to have a husband that has to get up at lets say 7am to get ready to go to work and then he's gone all day. Also, since the Duggar's have no consistency in their scheduling Jill might be in a culture shock because Derick can't just drop everything and go on the road. He has to work M-F and as new as he is I bet it took a lot of negotiating for him to get time off to go to that out of town wedding they went to recently. This is why it's ridiculous that Jill can't continue to be a midwife. As others have said she must be so bored because she has no idea how to entertain herself and her lack of exposure to the outside world means that just picking up a book or magazine, going on the internet without any restrictions, watching TV et. al. are foreign concepts to her. Their whole life (and all the fundie kids across the country of all religious stripes) is just so sad.

Maybe they are having problems. Who knows.