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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


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Shout out to everyone participating in the conversation about Jill’s miscarriage/stillbirth. You’re navigating a difficult topic with respect and thoughtfulness and your contributions are kind, considerate, constructive and informative. 

Thank you. 💚💚

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Didn't they send Izzy to kindergarten? Jill only homeschooled him for preschool. Whether the boys sent to school after their last move to Siloam Springs remains a mystery. It's probably for the best that we don't know. Jill will eventually tell us if she's been homeschooling or not. 

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19 minutes ago, Salacious Kitty said:

Didn't they send Izzy to kindergarten? Jill only homeschooled him for preschool. Whether the boys sent to school after their last move to Siloam Springs remains a mystery. It's probably for the best that we don't know. Jill will eventually tell us if she's been homeschooling or not. 

She said in a recent interview that both Izzy and Sam are currently in school. 

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8 hours ago, babyhouseman said:

When TLC families shop at stores on their shows, they get things for free. JimBoob must've loved the free food for his brood.

I wonder if he reported it on his taxes?*

*Disclaimer before someone starts yapping at me: I have no idea if TLC buying food/furniture/houses for his family should be or is reported. I do know that when my employer gives any kind of "gift" bonus -- usually gift cards -- it's a line item on my payslip as a type of income. 

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12 hours ago, smallfry said:

JB is the same as Jill R., everything done has to benefit them no matter what even the cost to others!! So much for following JOY!

Oh, it's YJ*............O all the way for those two

* on the J because their Jesus is less the biblical one (love thy neighbour, do onto others, don't be a hypocrite) and more a convenient toadie who agrees with everything they wanted to do anyway (ie being a controlling jerk). 

Edited by satrunrose
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I totally think Jill deserved to be paid for her contribution to the shows, but I have questions too.

Prior to Izzy's birth the Dillards had committed to starting a mission shortly after his birth. At this point the Dillards had never been paid by TLC/JB. How did Derick think he was going to pay for Izzy's birth? Was he counting on a homebirth? And same for Sam's. There are sacrifices folks make to become missionaries and one of them is low funds. The average missionary couple doesn't have any deep pockets to reach into to pay for unexpected costly bills. What would they have done if they were an average couple?

Again, I'm not saying Jill is undeserving of financial compensation. I'm just saying since they had no expectation of TLC/JB money, maybe Derick should have kept his job for longer as they started their family.

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4 hours ago, TrixieTrue said:

I'm reading Jinger's book right now and she mentions this several times. She says that Gothard came up with his own system where adult children still have to listen to their parents and obey them. Even after marriage, the parents still have authority. 

It also ignores the parents of whomever is married to a Duggar. What if Derrick's mom had a different idea than JB and M? I guess only the IBLP parent's wishes counted. 

IIRC, Gothard started this whole thing to prevent kids from rebelling from their parents. So it makes sense that he put things in place to prevent that even in adulthood.  
 

As for the in-laws, I suppose they strongly recommend to only have IBLP marriages. If that doesn’t happen, they probably think that their beliefs are superior to others and should only be followed.

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If a married couple both have IBLP parents, who would rule? I always thought the Gothard umbrella of rule was passed down to the new husband. Really not that different from old time marriages when the father gave away his daughter.

image.png.279e2f64041731c21a726ad11a5bd5aa.png

 

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10 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

If a married couple both have IBLP parents, who would rule? I always thought the Gothard umbrella of rule was passed down to the new husband. Really not that different from old time marriages when the father gave away his daughter.

image.png.279e2f64041731c21a726ad11a5bd5aa.png

 

Gothard very much preached a patrilineal authority. However money talks and bullshit walks- given JB gas money and thinks he’s super important, it doesn’t matter if the male line patriarch was also Gothard, he would want to be in charge. 
 

Given Derrick’s father is deceased and his step father is not of this community, I can believe JB thought that he would be easy to control and would follow under his lead has head of the family. 

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1 minute ago, Scarlett45 said:

Gothard very much preached a patrilineal authority. However money talks and bullshit walks- given JB gas money and thinks he’s super important, it doesn’t matter if the male line patriarch was also Gothard, he would want to be in charge. 

I hear you and agree. But I also wonder if Jill herself struggled with letting go of JB. She wouldn't be the first daughter, Fundy or not who idolized their dad to an unhealthy degree.

On a different matter. Didn't they only film a few days a month? And didn't Jill gather up handfuls of siblings here and there to fill her time? I'm not too sure Jill's clinginess had to do with filming and finding time to be alone. That haven't filmed for years and although less clingy, she still is.

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12 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I hear you and agree. But I also wonder if Jill herself struggled with letting go of JB. She wouldn't be the first daughter, Fundy or not who idolized their dad to an unhealthy degree.

On a different matter. Didn't they only film a few days a month? And didn't Jill gather up handfuls of siblings here and there to fill her time? I'm not too sure Jill's clinginess had to do with filming and finding time to be alone. That haven't filmed for years and although less clingy, she still is.

I think that Jill has the personality type that’s naturally more “clingy” even in the most healthy balanced circumstance, her love language is likely quality time.
 

I can imagine being married to Derrick was a transition, especially given the caregiving and household duties she had before. Not that I don’t believe Jill’s own experience (of course I do) but she’s a person too with her own set of lenses on the situation. 
 

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23 hours ago, CalicoKitty said:

She didn't mention Sam in the book, but she did say how fun it was to take Iz to school.  Derrick is college-educated.   I really would be very surprised if his kids did not go to school.  It is possible that they don't want to advertise where the kids are attending.  The school may have requested that she not name the school.  I think (hope) that Jill has realized how different her live would be if she had had a good basic education.

I'm going to guess that since both Derick and his dad were the mascot for Oklahoma State University (Pistol Pete, right?), that Derick has hopes that one of his boys will carry on that tradition, and have the chance to be defrauded by the cheerleading squad, whom most school mascots are generally a part of. My guess is that the boys are being educated so they have the chance to attend college if they so choose. Also, the fact that Derick is not only educated in the public school system, but went back for that law degree, denying his sons opportunity for the same isn't happening.  

Edited by ChicksDigScars
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3 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

Prior to Izzy's birth the Dillards had committed to starting a mission shortly after his birth. At this point the Dillards had never been paid by TLC/JB. How did Derick think he was going to pay for Izzy's birth? Was he counting on a homebirth? And same for Sam's. There are sacrifices folks make to become missionaries and one of them is low funds. The average missionary couple doesn't have any deep pockets to reach into to pay for unexpected costly bills. What would they have done if they were an average couple?

 

I think Derrick had an overinflated impression of Jill's education and skills and really thought it was realistic that she would labor and birth at home with a direct entry midwife with no extra expenses.  After all, she was the expert, so he deferred to her.  And, in reality, the Duggar family had been very, very lucky to that point, with quite a few successful homebirths for Anna.

The average missionary couple of their ilk probably has Scamaritan or similar and, if they get billed for something; their first move is to call the doctor and hospital and beg for a write-off because they are such special Christians.  Then, they just wouldn't pay and would leave the country and return to Danger America where the bill collectors couldn't reach them.  Not that I have any personal experience with people like them.

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56 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

On a different matter. Didn't they only film a few days a month? And didn't Jill gather up handfuls of siblings here and there to fill her time? I'm not too sure Jill's clinginess had to do with filming and finding time to be alone. That haven't filmed for years and although less clingy, she still is.

Jill said that during the height of the show that they filmed as much as five days a week. 

When Derick worked at Walmart, we gave her shit for driving him. She says in the book that they filmed at night, and this was the only time they had to talk privately. 

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7 hours ago, TrixieTrue said:

I'm reading Jinger's book right now and she mentions this several times. She says that Gothard came up with his own system where adult children still have to listen to their parents and obey them. Even after marriage, the parents still have authority. 

It also ignores the parents of whomever is married to a Duggar. What if Derrick's mom had a different idea than JB and M? I guess only the IBLP parent's wishes counted. 

I'm curious what would happen if both sets of parents are IBLP but they don't agree on something their married kidults should do? I think JB would still think his opinion is the correct one. Did something like this happen with Kendra's parents? And JB/M had a falling out with them? 

Edit: I see I'm not the only one that wonders what happens when both sets of parents are IBLP

Edited by OpieTaylor
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2 hours ago, Salacious Kitty said:

Jill said that during the height of the show that they filmed as much as five days a week. 

When Derick worked at Walmart, we gave her shit for driving him. She says in the book that they filmed at night, and this was the only time they had to talk privately. 

Derick worked at Walmart starting right after they refused to have their honeymoon filmed. Then a year(ish) later they refused to have the camera crew film Izzy's birth. In between the Dillard wedding and Izzy's birth was Jessa's wedding.

So they may have filmed the Dillard talking heads a night and maybe a few partial episodes, but not 5 nights a week. Plus other than talking heads, we could see when it was day or night.

I'm going to say Jill's explanation is a bit of an exaggeration.

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1 hour ago, BetyBee said:

Gothard used his faith to make money and to prey on young women. So of course, JB looked up to him and followed his "teachings". 

I'd describe as "Gothard made up faith to make money and to prey on young women." 

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Question: 

Is there any personal growth in there related to them becoming more tolerant and/or changing their abhorrent beliefs? If not, this is really just a money grab. It's an expose who's sole purpose is not about personal growth but about exposing her parents because her husband knew it would sell well. 

I've continued to be puzzled by why Jill gets such a pass when she has co-signed every nasty thing Derrick has said, beliefs/believed in instant obedience and blanket training and is just as bad as any of the rest of them. 

I really believe it's because a lot of women see themselves in Jill. On the surface she seems like your standard suburban stay-at-home mom, but she's still a Duggar. 

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4 minutes ago, Tasya said:

Question: 

Is there any personal growth in there related to them becoming more tolerant and/or changing their abhorrent beliefs? If not, this is really just a money grab. It's an expose who's sole purpose is not about personal growth but about exposing her parents because her husband knew it would sell well. 

I've continued to be puzzled by why Jill gets such a pass when she has co-signed every nasty thing Derrick has said, beliefs/believed in instant obedience and blanket training and is just as bad as any of the rest of them. 

I really believe it's because a lot of women see themselves in Jill. On the surface she seems like your standard suburban stay-at-home mom, but she's still a Duggar. 

I’m absolutely nothing like Jill, so no 🤦‍♀️.

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I wasn't targeting any specific poster, but ok...

Again, why does she deserve a pass and her sisters do not? I'm genuinely curious as to the thought process regarding Jill's positive narrative vs that of her sisters. 

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4 hours ago, satrunrose said:

I would pay money for that guy to have gone all "parable of the lost sheep" on his smarmy ass. Yeesh, if you're going to thump the bible, at least know what's in it. 

I read this first as "if you're going to hump the bible" and considering the crew we're discussing, it seemed plausible and took me a minute to realize that's not what you wrote.

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34 minutes ago, Tasya said:

I wasn't targeting any specific poster, but ok...

Again, why does she deserve a pass and her sisters do not? I'm genuinely curious as to the thought process regarding Jill's positive narrative vs that of her sisters. 

Who said this, specifically? 

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3 hours ago, Future Cat Lady said:

However, Jill has shown some growth. It's a big thing for her to go against her family. That goes against everything she has been taught as a child.

Yeah, I'm sure Jill is still a fundamentalist Christian, but her growth has come from separating IBLP from Christianity and realizing Gothard is bat-shit crazy. 

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I agree Jill and Jinger have shown remarkable strength in writing their books. 

I do wonder though if either have grown enough to be okay with say, their kids writing a book about them in a decade or so. What if Felicity becomes pro women's reproductive rights and decides to write a book about how she had to disentangle her parents' beliefs from her own about realizing her worth as a woman independent of a man. Or if Izzy grows up and becomes a supporter of the LGBTQ+ community and writes a book about how his parents raised him to believe their way was the only right way to think, so much so they went to other countries to try and change others' beliefs.

I think its fair to say Jill has opened her eyes to needing boundaries when dealing with an authoritarian parent(s?) and Jinger has realized she was raised in a cherry picked religious cult. I think their children are being raised in less restrictive environments than they were raised in, but neither one of them have grown enough to see how damaging their continued fundamentalist beliefs are to their children and the world at large.

But who knows, growth is often a slow process. Maybe some day Derick will be a gay rights attorney and Jeremy will have his own Universalist church.

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Jill is still only in her early 30s and has changed and grown a lot in her eight years of marriage. There's still plenty of time for her to leave behind some of the less-than-good aspects of Christianity. Her kids are in school, and if it's public school, the boys and Jill will be exposed to more types of people and viewpoints. Give her time.

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In the book, JB tells Jill that when he and Michelle pass, each kid will get 1/19th of all their wealth as an inheritance instead of a payment for their work on the show. But now that there's no show, lots of legal bills for Josh, ever-increasing children to provide for, etc. would there even be anything left?

I think in this case, one in the hand is worth two in the bush. And now that Jill has taken the payment, is she disinherited? Will any of the Duggar offspring who stand up to JB or even speak out against Gothard/IBLP be disinherited? My bet is yes.

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5 minutes ago, MaryAnneSpier said:

Jill is still only in her early 30s and has changed and grown a lot in her eight years of marriage. There's still plenty of time for her to leave behind some of the less-than-good aspects of Christianity. Her kids are in school, and if it's public school, the boys and Jill will be exposed to more types of people and viewpoints. Give her time.

I don't think having the boys in school will contribute to Jill's growth. Derick went to public school and he embraces the less-than-good aspects of their type of Christianity, as does Derick's mother, brother and SIL. So much so Derick's brother quit his job at the BSA because they became more inclusive.

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7 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

I agree Jill and Jinger have shown remarkable strength in writing their books. 

I do wonder though if either have grown enough to be okay with say, their kids writing a book about them in a decade or so. What if Felicity becomes pro women's reproductive rights and decides to write a book about how she had to disentangle her parents' beliefs from her own about realizing her worth as a woman independent of a man. Or if Izzy grows up and becomes a supporter of the LGBTQ+ community and writes a book about how his parents raised him to believe their way was the only right way to think, so much so they went to other countries to try and change others' beliefs.

I think its fair to say Jill has opened her eyes to needing boundaries when dealing with an authoritarian parent(s?) and Jinger has realized she was raised in a cherry picked religious cult. I think their children are being raised in less restrictive environments than they were raised in, but neither one of them have grown enough to see how damaging their continued fundamentalist beliefs are to their children and the world at large.

But who knows, growth is often a slow process. Maybe some day Derick will be a gay rights attorney and Jeremy will have his own Universalist church.

I absolutely hope Felicity and Israel write those books!

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13 minutes ago, MaryAnneSpier said:

In the book, JB tells Jill that when he and Michelle pass, each kid will get 1/19th of all their wealth as an inheritance instead of a payment for their work on the show. But now that there's no show, lots of legal bills for Josh, ever-increasing children to provide for, etc. would there even be anything left?

I think in this case, one in the hand is worth two in the bush. And now that Jill has taken the payment, is she disinherited? Will any of the Duggar offspring who stand up to JB or even speak out against Gothard/IBLP be disinherited? My bet is yes.

I've said this all along. If JB&M were to die with $8 million in assets that would only be around $400,000 per 19 kids. Sure the money could grow, but it can also decrease. JB&M are only in their 50s, they likely have 30+ years left in them, so, like you said, who knows how much if anything will be left.

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15 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I don't think having the boys in school will contribute to Jill's growth. Derick went to public school and he embraces the less-than-good aspects of their type of Christianity, as does Derick's mother, brother and SIL. So much so Derick's brother quit his job at the BSA because they became more inclusive.

Hopefully school contributes to the boys’ growth, even if not Jill’s. 

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3 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I've said this all along. If JB&M were to die with $8 million in assets that would only be around $400,000 per 19 kids. Sure the money could grow, but it can also decrease. JB&M are only in their 50s, they likely have 30+ years left in them, so, like you said, who knows how much if anything will be left.

And kids like Joe and Jessa with their ever-increasing families and lack of independent income appear to be getting more than their 1/19 share. What if one of their kids needs a lot of expensive medical treatment for some reason?

Edited by AstridM
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32 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I don't think having the boys in school will contribute to Jill's growth. Derick went to public school and he embraces the less-than-good aspects of their type of Christianity, as does Derick's mother, brother and SIL. So much so Derick's brother quit his job at the BSA because they became more inclusive.

I agree.  I have also seen how public schools reflect the values of their community.  It very well could be that the rest of the parents in Israel and Samuel's school(s) are cut from the same cloth as the Dillards.  I suspect this is the case.  Public school does not always equate to liberal or progressive.  The public schools in conservative, Bible-thumping communities have conservative, Bible-thumping administrators and teachers.

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32 minutes ago, Trillium said:

If things are going to change for the better, I have to have hope that Jill and people like her continue to change. She might, she might not. She’s shown she has a drive to heal, to question things she was lead to believe. She literally had all critical thinking skills snuffed out of her, and it’s only been the last maybe 5-6 years where she’s stated to untangle that, and really from the book it seems the most progress has been in the last 3 years. Add the trauma she has from her abuse and being on TV, she’s got a lot to heal from and her therapist told her as much. Calling out her dad and calling IBLP a cult is a huge step. It might be the last step, but the vibe from reading the book is that she’s not done. 
 

Side note, I have zero issue or her cashing in on this.  Her dad, TLC, People Mag, and various other entities have made a lot of money off of her. Here and other places on the internet, she’s content to talk about. Why shouldn’t she be the one to profit off of it for once? 

And she spent her entire childhood and young adulthood as free labor for Boob and MEchelle. 

Edited by AstridM
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14 minutes ago, Trillium said:

If things are going to change for the better, I have to have hope that Jill and people like her continue to change. She might, she might not. She’s shown she has a drive to heal, to question things she was lead to believe. She literally had all critical thinking skills snuffed out of her, and it’s only been the last maybe 5-6 years where she’s stated to untangle that, and really from the book it seems the most progress has been in the last 3 years. Add the trauma she has from her abuse and being on TV, she’s got a lot to heal from and her therapist told her as much. Calling out her dad and calling IBLP a cult is a huge step. It might be the last step, but the vibe from reading the book is that she’s not done. 


Side note, I have zero issue or her cashing in on this.  Her dad, TLC, People Mag, and various other entities have made a lot of money off of her. Here and other places on the internet, she’s content to talk about. Why shouldn’t she be the one to profit off of it for once? 

I agree, I wrote a similar post about Jinger's book. I think Jill's and more so Jinger's have opened a door. Time will only tell if either one has the desire to push any further.

I also agree Jinger and Jill should be entitled to make money off their stories. I do wonder why Jill's book seemed to produce more interest though.

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