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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


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Shout out to everyone participating in the conversation about Jill’s miscarriage/stillbirth. You’re navigating a difficult topic with respect and thoughtfulness and your contributions are kind, considerate, constructive and informative. 

Thank you. 💚💚

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How can these parents allow their kids who has the mentality of a 12 year old get married after only 6 months? Derrick seems like a nice guy but what if he was an abuser or something worse. How would you know if the guy dates your whole family with no alone time? People are very different alone than with others around

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To be honest, plenty of abusive relationships start out with plenty of alone time, too. Even couples who live together may not start out abusive.

I think courting is foolish, and isn't really going to save anyone any emotional heartbreak. It might keep some virginity intact, but there are less complicated ways of doing that. But as far as protecting someone from a terrible person? I think a lot of us run that risk when we partner up, not only those who court.

Now, the rest of us have ways of getting OUT of those relationships that the Duggars claim they will never do, but we will see...

Edited by GEML
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Nice to see a Jill and Derick date night at PF Changs. No big deal to most of us who grew up eating Chinese takeout, but I highly doubt Jill had much exposure to it in her parents' home. And I agree with the poster above who said that it seems like they're dating now. It must be so nice for them to go out to dinner alone and talk about whatever they please without having to keep a 7 yr old chaperone occupied or having to not get too personal about the conversation in front of a 25 yr old chaperone who gets what you're saying.

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Nice to see a Jill and Derick date night at PF Changs. No big deal to most of us who grew up eating Chinese takeout, but I highly doubt Jill had much exposure to it in her parents' home. And I agree with the poster above who said that it seems like they're dating now. It must be so nice for them to go out to dinner alone and talk about whatever they please without having to keep a 7 yr old chaperone occupied or having to not get too personal about the conversation in front of a 25 yr old chaperone who gets what you're saying.

Very good points. I guess since JB doesn't like Chinese, they rarely or never have had it. (just assuming since he doesn't seem to like any of the food when they traveled abroad). As a less costly take-out food choice, you would they would have had it. In my house, we can stretch several carry out items over a few days.

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I just don't get the bizarre manner in which that household revolves around JB and Michelle. Sure -- when you're little, you pretty eat what your parents eat and do the activities your parents do. Lots of kids grow up not eating certain foods because their parents never ate them. But by the time you're in your 20s living at home with dozens of siblings, does it even matter what your parents like/dislike? By the way Jill's been going various places with Derick, she seems to like food that isn't standard American fare. As a 20+ yr old woman living at home who liked Chinese or Mexican or whatever, couldn't she say -- girls night tonight, Jana, Jessa, Jinger and I are going out for Chinese -- see you in a few hours!? Granted with them they have childcare issues, but they could even rotate so a few girls went out each time to eat wherever they wanted to eat and the others stayed home with sibs. I mean are JB and Michelle so scary and restrictive that 25 yr old Jana can't say -- man I'm in the mood for Italian, I'm taking Joy . . . she really has to stay home and eat tator tot casserole because that's what her parents think everyone should eat!? And it's not like they don't have the money to be able to give the girls some cash for these outings . . . .

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Very good points. I guess since JB doesn't like Chinese, they rarely or never have had it. (just assuming since he doesn't seem to like any of the food when they traveled abroad). As a less costly take-out food choice, you would they would have had it. In my house, we can stretch several carry out items over a few days.

 

I too would be shocked if the Duggars ever ate Chinese take-out, even after visiting China. Boob seems like he'd believe he was eating actually being served dogs or cats or something similar.

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I just thought of something:

 

Do we know when Anna is due?  Here's some mild speculation:  Josh/ Anna had that conversation before TFDW's baby reveal about adding another.  Josh seemed reluctant, but amenable.  Now, Jill gets married and pops preggo right away.  You think maybe that's what sent them into M4?  Sibling rivalry at it's finest.

(Again, my speculations/ late night conspiracy theories)

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I can imagine Derick trying to have a serious conversation with Jill at dinner. Her giggling and talking like she is twelve years old. He probably goes to work to have a half way decent conversation with someone.

I don't know why but they strike me as the type of couple that pretty much talks about (i) the baby/pregnancy; or (ii) faith/church/religion. We obviously have no way of knowing this, but they just seem like that type of couple that will talk about their kid in painstaking detail or right now -- about the pregnancy -- and about their faith and how blessed they are and how Godly they will raise their child to be bc they have nothing else to talk about. Unless Jill has changed behind the scenes, I don't imagine she's watching any TV or the news or reading books besides the Bible; even if Derick is doing those things -- it's not like he can say -- hey did you hear about that protest in Paris today, it was over a million people -- because she'll have little idea. I doubt he talks to her about stuff that happened at work -- as in, so I did a coffee run with Jeff and he was telling me that he and his girlfriend . . . . Because I feel like her reaction to that will be "you went to coffee with Jeff -- that wasted 10 min that you could have been working and then you could have left work at 4:50 instead of 5 pm, I've been missing you soooo much." Or she'll find the stories from work too salacious -- if it's about unmarried people dating or living together or traveling together -- which is often what people talk about in their mid 20s to their work friends. I'm guessing besides those 2 topics they talk about the Duggar family a lot -- when Josh is visiting next; which sibling is building a go kart; who ran a phone through the dishwasher etc. I imagine Derick politely listens to that stuff, but how much can he possibly care about her 18 siblings??

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 I hope Dill doesn't incorporate any part of Boob's name into Baby Dilly. He already has many name sakes. Jed, and Jer have Robert as their middle name. Mikey's middle name is James. James is one of their sons. Enough with the Boob worship. 

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Even if you didnt read history books there are books like Time Life books that depict life for the american woman in early America first populating this land. It was described as .. " childbearing was considered a dread due to no hospitals or medical interventions" and we have a family worth millions putting their most precious in those same conditions.

 

Well sure - this was the same time period when people thought disease was caused by demons or bad air. That doesn't mean hospitals or medical interventions were any safer then or now then a well-planned and properly attended home birth. Hell, a lot of women died from physician-attended births because doctors didn't think washing their hands between patients was necessary (germs were an unknown, see demons or bad air). Jill (possibly) wanting to have her baby at home doesn't mean she's somehow endangering the child with primitive conditions because of it.

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I honestly don't think any woman, making an informed decision, is in any serious danger today, whether she has a home birth with a trained midwife or in a hospital with an OB. (Or some combination.).

Now Anna giving birth at home with only a doula/birthing coach? Not happy about that. Ironically, Mac's birth seems to have been her easiest thus far.

Edited by GEML
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I too would be shocked if the Duggars ever ate Chinese take-out, even after visiting China. Boob seems like he'd believe he was eating actually being served dogs or cats or something similar.

Why doesn't he eat Chinese food?

I can imagine Derick trying to have a serious conversation with Jill at dinner. Her giggling and talking like she is twelve years old. He probably goes to work to have a half way decent conversation with someone.

I can't imagine how their conversations go. Jill probably just sits and listens nodding her head
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Funny, I imagine Jill overtalking him constantly.  Too many people have done this to me and I have often resorted to walking out of the room.  If they don't value me enough to listen (and how would they know I was valueless since they never give it a chance) I don't give them the value to remain in their company.

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Why doesn't he eat Chinese food?

Whenever they have traveled to different lands, Boob makes fun of the food & is not very willing to try something different. Even when Derick took him & Jill out to eat in Nepal, Jill had to prod him into trying something new. IIRC, Boob made some stupid comment about it, instead of politely saying he didn't care for it.

I can also see Jill hogging the conversation & talking over Derick.

Edited by Barb23
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I cringe everytime the family goes off to another country. JB makes fun of the other cultures while there, and it bothers me how they said they like taking the family to other places to be exposed to different cultures, but they live in America! It's a melting pot! They have different cultures in their backyard they could explore. Granted, I live in CA, so it's very diverse, so maybe they would have to go further out of the way to experience diversity? Sorry if I'm making an ignorant comment.

That's why I like Derrick and Jill together, especially if they are planning to be missionaries because they are more open-minded. I won't be harsh about Jill, though. She is finally out of the house and will continue learning about life. I don't see her and Derick being different from any other couple that gets married and has to learn how "to be one" even if it was a quick courtship.

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I didn't have chinese food until I was in college.   My boyfriend at the time wanted some so he went and got some and had me tried it.  HOOKED ever since and now crab rangoons are one of my favorite foods. 

 

My mom says she's not really a fan but she'll eat it.  

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Jill easing up on the hair maintenance had me wonder if she'd be open to a trim. She could still have long hair and take off enough to make a donation to a charity that makes wigs for cancer patients. Nice way to celebrate Cathy Dillard's good health, and good TV.

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I didn't have Chinese food until college and a passport until nearly 40 - now I'm preparing to live overseas. Jill and Derick have a lifetime ahead of them and even as sheltered as they both are, actually come across as more willing to try new things than far too many Americans.

Now Jim Bob and his "jokes"? Not so funny.

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Jill easing up on the hair maintenance had me wonder if she'd be open to a trim. She could still have long hair and take off enough to make a donation to a charity that makes wigs for cancer patients. Nice way to celebrate Cathy Dillard's good health, and good TV.

That would be an amazing sentiment but you RARELY see Duggars sacrifice anything for themselves for others.

Their idea 'charity'; is just spewing abortion rhetoric and trying to push politics. Oh and vacations to El Salvador or w/e

 

I so wish Jill wouldnt have taken the 'easy' way out and gotten pregnant so quickly. How awesome would it have been if she got married, went to a REAL SCHOOL and became a Certified nurse midwife, then went to these countries with high child birth mortality/ infant mortality and actually done some good for the world.

 

No She chose to be just like her selfish mother and have 19 kids a 1st world country and push anti abortion here. UGH so much wasted potential

I think if Jill was raised by ANY BODY ELSE she could have gone on to do amazing things.  The patriarchal/ QF movement is literally the dumbest thing ever. I hope her kids do better than she does.

 

EDIT: I also don't think I really had Chinese food until I was and older teen/possibly adult

My mom is a dietitian and we are a family of 6 so takeout wasn't on the menu...like ever. 

Edited by yogi2014L
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I've had authentic Chinese food (not the fast food stuff that passes for Chinese food in America) and it was delicious. I was really happy when Jill went to Nepal and was so open to eating the different food.

I think Derick is opening Jill's mind to new ways of thinking. And I think she is enjoying every minute of it. He took her to a Broadway play as well as a fake chinese food restaurant. Things are changing fast for Jill. She is his eager pupil. I am glad she is open to new ideas.

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Derick commented that he watched the State of the Union address tonight. Safe to say that Jill was watching with him. So it looks like the Dillards have TV AND they keep up with current affairs, as far as news or politics are concerned, if not the pop culture stuff. Good to know that they're not completely oblivious to what's going on in the world. 

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I'm glad he's broadening her horizons from Nepali food to Chinese to hummus to Broadway to the State of the Union. But he is really just as lame as her and the rest of her fam in some ways -- according to his IG, on their eagle watching tour, he was so impressed with the fact that eagles mate for life and if one dies they do a mourning period and then find another mate and thus eagles are SUCH an awesome example. Sounds like something lame a Duggar would say. I know he married into the family, but is he required to behave like them!? Though maybe this is just who he is and it's this stuff that attracted Jill.

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Well Derick did clarify that his eagle post was not only in reference to his and Jill’s anniversary but that he also wanted to tie it in with the State of the Union address somehow. Because I guess America = bald eagles. Maybe he felt super patriotic and inspired after Obama’s speech? ;-)

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Sorry to 'jump back in time' here, but I've only just watched Jill and Derricks wedding episode.

 

I just wanted to ask if this ...I think Jill called it 'first look', thing is the norm in America, I've never heard of it before.

 

In the UK and I thought in America also, the bride and groom don't see each other on the wedding day until the bride walks down the aisle, so I was really surprised to see that they were actually together all day on their wedding day and only separated to get ready for the wedding.

 

I was so pleased to see that Derricks mum was well enough to attend the wedding, made me tear up a bit tbh.

 

But the endless, endless, endless talk of getting pregnant, of future grandbabies/neices or nephews nearly drove me to distraction, 

 

Poor old Jim Bob, who I am not a fan of, was a right old softy on the wedding day wasn't he.

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Sorry to 'jump back in time' here, but I've only just watched Jill and Derricks wedding episode.

 

I just wanted to ask if this ...I think Jill called it 'first look', thing is the norm in America, I've never heard of it before.

 

In the UK and I thought in America also, the bride and groom don't see each other on the wedding day until the bride walks down the aisle, so I was really surprised to see that they were actually together all day on their wedding day and only separated to get ready for the wedding.

 

I was so pleased to see that Derricks mum was well enough to attend the wedding, made me tear up a bit tbh.

 

But the endless, endless, endless talk of getting pregnant, of future grandbabies/neices or nephews nearly drove me to distraction, 

 

Poor old Jim Bob, who I am not a fan of, was a right old softy on the wedding day wasn't he.

 

No, KateUK, this "first look" deal is NOT the norm in America. Like in the UK, most couples in the States do not see each other on the wedding day until the bride comes down the aisle. Many speak on the phone before the ceremony but I've personally never known any who've spent the whole day together like Jill & Derick.

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Thanks Wellfleet, maybe it is yet another odd Duggar 'thing'!

 

And just remembered something else, the running back up the aisle after the ceremony, not just Jill and Derrick but all of them, thought that was odd as well.

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For all of you in the UK, a "first look" about 30-40 minutes before the wedding to get pictures with the bride/groom, wedding party & family is very common. Most brides decide to do this because they want to mingle & enjoy a cocktail hour instead of missing it to do pictures then having to mingle a lot more during the reception. My stepsister did this, she walked down steps where her fiancé was waiting with his back turned, then we took pictures there & went separately to a park across the street for more pictures. We went back to the bridal suite for a few minutes & then started the wedding.

What isn't common is how Derick & Jill spent the day together. I really like the idea though, having some time together before you both get dressed & spending part of the day together. It is a day about both of you after all & everyone says they wished they had more time together etc/the day was a blur.

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I side eye most of the stuff the Duggars do, but I have never seen the point of the whole 'the groom can't see the bride until she's walking down the aisle' thing. It's always seemed ridiculous to me. If I were to get married, I'd totally be spending the day with my spouse-to-be. I'd also probably be eloping though, because, for me personally, a regular wedding just seems like a waste of time & money, plus way more stress than I'd want to deal with for just one day.

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When Jill and Derick were setting up their house I remember a TV stand being put together.

 

I'm sure Derick always had a TV growing up. I grew up with the TV being on all day to various shows and the news. I keep my kitchen TV on most days on the news. I like to be informed.

 

With that being said, I so wonder if Jill sits in front of the TV wondering how much she has missed out on the "real" world by not being allowed to have a TV in the house? Things she sees must be new and I have to wonder how she is processing them?

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The Duggars would have been apoplectic if they'd seen my wedding.  We'd lived together for years and already had two kids.  No tux and no wedding dress, just our nicest clothes.  Our wedding party was just the Best Man and the Maid of Honor, who couldn't find a babysitter so she brought her 8 month old son dressed in a onesie that looked like a tux.  The minister took one look at the small number of people there (15) and he said that rather than have everyone sitting we should all just gather round in a half circle and get on with the ceremony.  Good thing, because the Maid of Honor's son got cranky and during the service everyone was passing him around trying to comfort him.  Then he landed with my father and he snuggled in and went right to sleep.  After the service, we all went to my in-law's place for a barbeque.  Our honeymoon was a few days traveling around a few hundred mile radius staying where we felt like it and doing whatever felt good at the moment.  We took the kids, too.  It was a wonderful time.

 

The Duggars couldn't do that, not when they have a show to film for.  For them, everything has to be planned out, specific time frames to be followed.  Consider the camera angles and reshoots when necessary.  What a horrible life.

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Derick commented that he watched the State of the Union address tonight. Safe to say that Jill was watching with him. So it looks like the Dillards have TV AND they keep up with current affairs, as far as news or politics are concerned, if not the pop culture stuff. Good to know that they're not completely oblivious to what's going on in the world. 

I could see Derick keeping up with politics. Jill doesn't strike me as the type who would. Honestly, all of the Duggar kids seem incredibly dense, so maybe that's why I am saying that.

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While the eagle comment seems tepid, it also seems benign. I read about a dozen such comments on FB a day. They are young, and have been sheltered. Stuff that to us is just common sense is brand new to them. He's just a little late to the Captain Obvious party.

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Seeing the bride the for the first time walking down the aisle was actually a myth to me. for Asians, the bride and groom see each other for the first time before the wedding. The groom and his party go to the bride's house and picks her up. They go through a whole ritual before he can even get through the door. It depends on how much work the bridesmaids want him to do. Then the couple does a tea ceremony honoring her parents. Later, some will go and do their pictures at various locations before the ceremony. The first look was new to me, too, when I watched Derick and Jill's wedding, but them spending the day together was not unusual to me.

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Then you haven't met Dede and her husband X-Gay Greg (seriously, he has his 'ex-gay' status embroidered on his jackets)  Dedes holy pregnancy lasted at least 18 months before there were a few months of silence and then one day X-Gay announced that because there were so many disbelievers out there that God took back the baby.  We should all be ashamed, and send them money because they weren't 'job-type' people and he wanted a 'motor coach' to travel around the country with spreading the Good Word. 

 

They also got word from God that some major city in the North (or was it the South?) was going to come to disaster due to some kind of weather issue so they spent the whole night circling the city while praying, singing, and whatnot.  They seemed startled that none of the city dwellers didn't appreciate their efforts.

 

Free Jinger has a few threads devoted to them.  They actually make the Duggars seem sane, normal, and approachable, in the sense that you're not likely to have one of them go off on you and try to wrestle your wallet away while proclaiming that it's God's will.

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The Duggars would have been apoplectic if they'd seen my wedding.  We'd lived together for years and already had two kids.  No tux and no wedding dress, just our nicest clothes.  Our wedding party was just the Best Man and the Maid of Honor, who couldn't find a babysitter so she brought her 8 month old son dressed in a onesie that looked like a tux.  The minister took one look at the small number of people there (15) and he said that rather than have everyone sitting we should all just gather round in a half circle and get on with the ceremony.  Good thing, because the Maid of Honor's son got cranky and during the service everyone was passing him around trying to comfort him.  Then he landed with my father and he snuggled in and went right to sleep.  After the service, we all went to my in-law's place for a barbeque.  Our honeymoon was a few days traveling around a few hundred mile radius staying where we felt like it and doing whatever felt good at the moment.  We took the kids, too.  It was a wonderful time.

 

The Duggars couldn't do that, not when they have a show to film for.  For them, everything has to be planned out, specific time frames to be followed.  Consider the camera angles and reshoots when necessary.  What a horrible life.

 

Zahdii, your wedding sounds wonderful, and I bet it didn't cost 10s of 1000s either.  And bonus - you have a very cute "backstory" about your MOH's baby finally corking off with your Dad!

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The first look is becoming more popular. Like someone said above, it's a way to get couples photos out of the way before the ceremony so the party can start sooner. It's also a night way to kinda take some time to yourself as a couple in the middle of this crazy day. The ones I've seen generally are the photographer and the couple, maybe one or two other people, not even family. You can get some nice photos of their first reactions to each other. But I just like that it gives them a chance to take a moment and just enjoy each other, alone, without all the other things you have to do during a wedding.

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Zahdii, your wedding sounds wonderful, and I bet it didn't cost 10s of 1000s either.  

 

You're right, the wedding cost the rent of the church, the 'tip' to the minister, the sheet cake from a local store, and cheap rings from Walmart.  A few of our guests were surprised that I didn't carry a bouquet, but who would I throw it to?  Outside of the children who made up a third of our guests, there were no other unmarried women present.  All told, the wedding cost less than $200, not counting the dresses we bought for our daughters and the trips to the hairdresser for me and a haircut for my husband.  For us, that was enough.  We were getting married, not putting on a show.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.

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I've never heard it called the "First Look" but I've known of many couples who do as many of the photos as possible before the ceremony and reception so that they can actually - you know - attend the reception they spent all this time, money, and stress on. I'm not really sure how stressful thousands of root beer floats are when you've also got dozens of volunteers, but I thought it was (dare I say it?) sweet that they spent most of the day together. I still think it's ridiculous they had to have chaperones most of the time, but at least they were together.

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I've never heard it called the "First Look" but I've known of many couples who do as many of the photos as possible before the ceremony and reception so that they can actually - you know - attend the reception they spent all this time, money, and stress on. I'm not really sure how stressful thousands of root beer floats are when you've also got dozens of volunteers, but I thought it was (dare I say it?) sweet that they spent most of the day together. I still think it's ridiculous they had to have chaperones most of the time, but at least they were together.

Thats what I did, lol. I wanted to go to my own cocktail hour I was paying for!

I was very surprised when Jill did that. How progressive of her!

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I never thought of Jill as a particularly small person. Maybe it's just the baggy, frumpy clothes she wears.

 

Baggy clothes typically make you look bigger.  Size is subjective, but pre-pregnancy Jill looked like she weighed about 120 pounds.  That's quite petite wear I come from. 

 

 

Who are these people who follow her on Instagram?  One of them asked Jill to join with her sister, mother, and SIL to create a clothing, hair, and skin line.  Seriously? 

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Baggy clothes typically make you look bigger.  Size is subjective, but pre-pregnancy Jill looked like she weighed about 120 pounds.  That's quite petite wear I come from. 

 

 

Who are these people who follow her on Instagram?  One of them asked Jill to join with her sister, mother, and SIL to create a clothing, hair, and skin line.  Seriously? 

Who are the people who generally follow the Duggars? Not being snarky -- I'm actually curious bc I looked at that posting re Joseph's 20th birthday and how he's at Crown College and there are 100s of comments where posters offer congratulations, talk about how wonderful the fam is, how Godly they are, how there's nothing wrong with marrying at 19 with no education and the goal of having 10 kids etc. All of this is on Facebook -- where names are visible -- not nicknames like Jill's IG -- so I wonder who these people are? I keep it to myself that I watch the Duggars and snark, I certainly wouldn't be posting my like or dislike of them any place my friends and colleagues could know about this guilty pleasure. It can't be other fundies bc I though many/most were against tv/internet -- or is that just a Duggar rule? So it's conservative Christians? Or some other population that holds them in SUCH high regard?

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Baggy clothes typically make you look bigger. Size is subjective, but pre-pregnancy Jill looked like she weighed about 120 pounds. That's quite petite wear I come from.

Who are these people who follow her on Instagram? One of them asked Jill to join with her sister, mother, and SIL to create a clothing, hair, and skin line. Seriously?

SKIN?!! CLOTHING?!! HAIR?!? I'm speechless.
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I don't know if this "first look thing" is a young bride's pinterest fad or what, but I know these are VERY Christian people. The orthodox jewish sect have this custom of the groom, pre wedding ceremony, of checking the bride's face under her veil, with her family present,, to make sure it is the correct woman he is marrying. Don't know if any other cultures, or faiths across the globe have this practice also. Having said that, why do the "Christian Duggars" partake of non-Christian traditions? Jesus came to establish the NEW covenant and do away with the old, didn't He?

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I have s friend getting married who is going all out, including interviewing various photographers. About half of them require a first look and photos before the ceremony if you're going to take pictures with them - it puts less pressure on the photographer to get things done quickly so that the reception can start on time.

When I got married 8 years ago it was a pretty new thing but I remember seeing a few people doing it - now it seems to be way more common.

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