Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House

[Joe Jitsu913]

Jessa reminds me of that stuck up bitch from Real World:Australia. She was a preacher's daughter and claimed to be Christian, but acted like ...well... a stuck up bitch.

[Sew Sumi]

Some (idiot) bought those robes? Oh dear. I am too lazy to look; I wonder if anyone picked up that pink hairdryer for Our Blessa.

[Hpmec]

Ben is 19. He has a lot of growing up to do before he'll be a full fledged adult. He has a very limited education and no special job skills. Right now he's beholden to JimBob Duggar for his living, not an enviable place to be. He's marrying a young woman who has been raised to believe she can only be a wife and mother no matter how ill suited she is to those roles. They are marrying because they have a physical attraction which, in their culture, can only be explored after the vows are exchanged. In the real world kids their age are attending college or learning a trade, hanging out with their friends, and enjoying being young. It's a shame that Jessa and Ben are rushing into an early marriage they are far from ready for.

Edited October 24, 2014 by Hpmec

[GEML]

I know the number $170,000 has been tossed around for Josh, but I remain skeptical. I imagine it's closer to $75,000-100,000 (and given his lack of education and professional background) which I realize is still twice the average household income but for the area where he lives makes him pretty much middle class, especially given that Anna doesn't work.

And while the gift registry is excessive, I find it interesting that there isn't a lot on Jessa's wedding in the paying media. I think the media WOULD pay for it, so that actually makes me wonder if it isn't a genuine choice on their part not to sell every detail to places like PEOPLE. Which is why I wonder if she isn't going to turn on her parents for selling them to the highest bidder and calling it a ministry.

Edited October 24, 2014 by GEML

[Adeejay]

I find it interesting that there isn't a lot on Jessa's wedding in the paying media.

 

Jessa and Ben sold the first picture of her engagement ring to People magazine for somewhere in the neighborhood of fifty to a hundred grand, so they are probably set - for now.

[Barb23]

I've gotten the feeling that at the beginning of the courtship, Jessa wasn't "in" to Bin & that he had to grow on her. Even when he came to the house to ask her to court, she seemed surprised he was there. It seemed like after agreeing to the courtship, she realized he was her way out & started to follow the motions. I know Jill was over the top with how she acted about Derickdillard, but it was real & we didn't get any of that from Jessa. Even in the TH where they were acting like kindergartners talking about the ring (ooh metal with a rock, I like dat or whatever stupid thing she said) it seemed so fake.

[GEML]

Where is the 50-100 grand coming from?  I'm somewhat familiar with what these magazines pay for feature writing, and that's not the number I know.  I've heard more about 10-15.  Which would be enough to pay for the wedding and honeymoon.

[PityFree]

Who cares about seeing a ring? Not me. Not anyone.

[truthtalk2014]

I couldn't agree more.  They are those that worship the ground the Duggars walk on.  A lot of people watch their show, buy their books and go to their appearances. Based on his educational background, Josh isn't qualified for a position that pays $45,000 and yet, he is earning $170,000.  The most expensive thing on Erin Bates' bridal registry was a pot for $59.95, and on her wedding day, it was still on the list.  Jessa on the other hand, requested much bigger ticket items and she seems to be getting them, including matching robes which cost $90 each.   

That's the difference.  Jessa has no couth.  Erin Bates probably knows how to cook a hundred times better than Jessa Blessa- but would probably be embarrassed to ask people to buy crazy crap like robes for her or expensive kitchen items.

Edited October 24, 2014 by truthtalk2014

[PityFree]

I really doubt anyone would hire him for even $45k without his last name. He is *maybe* qualified for some labor or construction, entry level retail, or fast food jobs.

[GEML]

I do think people underestimate the amount of media training the Duggar kids have.  They've all been trained on producing a show, all have done radio and television and speaking engagements in front of hundreds of people.  Those are real skill sets that don't just happen to people naturally.  They understand a lot of the technical aspects of media as well as the presenting side.  Josh is, I expect, very good at what he does (fundraising and lobbying within his niche community), even if many of us dislike what he is using those skills for.

[Jellybeans]

I don't think it really matters if Jessa can't cook. Not all of us are meant to be cooks. And it is presumptive to assume all women must know how to cook. Ben probably has figured out Jessa doesn't really cook and if he isn't complaining, I am not going to complain either LOL.

[abseedee]

I don't think it really matters if Jessa can't cook. Not all of us are meant to be cooks. And it is presumptive to assume all women must know how to cook. Ben probably has figured out Jessa doesn't really cook and if he isn't complaining, I am not going to complain either LOL.

And this is why I wonder why she registered for all of those kitchen appliances and gadgets.

[Jellybeans]

And this is why I wonder why she registered for all of those kitchen appliances and gadgets.

because she thinks she can? lol

[kalamac]

Maybe Ben can cook, and he wanted the kitchen stuff. Or they've decided to learn. Some people, the first thing they do when they've decided to learn something, is go out and get all the best, most expensive stuff they think they'll need, rather than starting out small and getting more things as they build up their skills. And if you've discovered random strangers are willing to pay for it for you, and you're the type of person who doesn't feel bad about taking costly gifts from people you don't know, of course you're going to ask for everything.

[abseedee]

I know they know they can ask for everything and they will probably get a lot of what they asked for but what gets to me is how self indulgent they are.  Not even stopping to think (if they even think) if they truly need it.  Heck I can use a plain old knife to cut off the stem of a strawberry.  But anyway, thinking of the registries make my blood boil so that is all.

Edited October 24, 2014 by abseedee

[Jellybeans]

well, every bride and groom I know has a registry. i have seen some crazy ones. it would be kinda weird if they did not have a registry.

once, i saw four vacuum cleaners on one list. i asked her why on earth she did that and her answer made perfect sense .... she wanted to give people a choice. when i told her it appeared she was asking for four, she freaked out. so, i really don't think too much of registries and why they choose what they did.

[GEML]

I think the choice issue is a good point. I don't know that people really understand how it looks from the other side. You think you are giving people a lot of options, and worse cases scenario, getting a hefty discount on some big ticket items. Then you see it from the guest side and it looks like you basically took the scanner and marked everything in four stores.

[starfire]

To me it's kind of strange to put several different vacuum cleaners (or whatever) on a  registry to give people a "choice". I have never heard of that before.  It's customary that whatever is on the registry is what the bride and groom want.  How are the guests supposed to know they only want one out of four?  I think items of varying price ranges is a good idea, so people with differing budgets can find something and have a choice that way, but to put several types of the same item on a registry, when you really only want one, is odd and confusing, in my opinion.

[Mrsjumbo]

I don't think it really matters if Jessa can't cook. Not all of us are meant to be cooks. And it is presumptive to assume all women must know how to cook. Ben probably has figured out Jessa doesn't really cook and if he isn't complaining, I am not going to complain either LOL.

But since she is not allowed to work outside the home, cooking & cleaning are her JOBS until she has kids. What else will she do all day?

[Jellybeans]

To me it's kind of strange to put several different vacuum cleaners (or whatever) on a  registry to give people a "choice".

It is confusing. I tend to give people benefit of doubt unless I hear them say stupid things like "we want four vacuum cleaners" in which case I make sure I don't give them anything.

Jessa may have plans we are not privy to.

[WTFFF]

It honestly would never occur to me that people would register for more than they wanted just to give people a "choice."

 

But I don't recall Jessa having a ton of duplicate items, either; the registries were huge but aside from multiple knife sets, the big ticket items were mostly plentiful and unique. 

 

I still want to know what the hell Jill was planning on doing with 120 towels.  I guess midwives need towels, but still, that was a LOT of towels.

[Almost 3000]

I really believe the extra registry stuff is in a warehouse to be used as the family's personal Walmart. I envision them merchandizing it like the pantry in the house (you know just like JB did when he worked in a grocery store) but I don't think they're that organized.

[GEML]

I also think that a lot of it was to be returned for money. Given that I don't think that Jessa and Ben are going to start out with much, and at least as of this time, haven't sold every moment of their lives to PEOPLE, if they set up a registry to have strangers send them the items that they want and things to be exchanged for cash, KNOWING that those same people will be sending them gifts of some type ANYWAY, well, I'm less infuriated about that than I am about pretty much anything g else.

[Higgins]

If you think about it, a registry is asking for things and really, it is kind of tacky at all. However, it is accepted now. If you make it private, you have to find a a way to let people know about it and you can't put registry info on the invitation because that in uncouth so what do you do? My daughter recently got married and didn't need much so she didn't register for much and people kept saying you need to put more on the registry so she felt like she needed to put stuff she didn't need.

Just because you are a republican doesn't mean you are required to serve. That would be like saying all staunch democrats should send extra tax payments to the government to put their money where their mouth is.

[Hpmec]

Higgins, this belongs in the Things That Bug about the Duggars thread, but since you posted a comment here in response to my comment there, I'll respond. I never said that the Duggars should be required to serve. There is no draft currently, so technically no one is required to serve. However, you would think that those who most ardently espouse love of God and country would be proud to step up and defend the freedoms they enjoy.

[jodo]

I still want to know what the hell Jill was planning on doing with 120 towels.  I guess midwives need towels, but still, that was a LOT of towels.

 

Oh I am pretty damn sure Jim Bob and Michelle will benefit from all those extras!

[NausetGirl]

I do think people underestimate the amount of media training the Duggar kids have.  They've all been trained on producing a show, all have done radio and television and speaking engagements in front of hundreds of people.  Those are real skill sets that don't just happen to people naturally.  They understand a lot of the technical aspects of media as well as the presenting side.  Josh is, I expect, very good at what he does (fundraising and lobbying within his niche community), even if many of us dislike what he is using those skills for.

 

I realize the Duggar kids have been exposed to aspects of media production just by virtue of seeing it for 10 years, but I have to wonder how "trained" they are. They may have picked up a few things here and there, but their appearances for the most part have consisted of [1] standing behind Boob & MEchelle while they do their blather, [2] playing a violin piece or [3] singing. I don't even think the TH segments have been more than "sit here and answer us when we ask you a question..." Even if TLC is envisioning a "Duggar Channel" eventually [shiver], I can't imagine Boob letting his boys working for anyone but him. Oh wait! MEchelle is fond of saying how Boob is always coming up with big ideas. Maybe he's planning to takeover TLC!

[Higgins]

Higgins, this belongs in the Things That Bug about the Duggars thread, but since you posted a comment here in response to my comment there, I'll respond. I never said that the Duggars should be required to serve. There is no draft currently, so technically no one is required to serve. However, you would think that those who most ardently espouse love of God and country would be proud to step up and defend the freedoms they enjoy.

I must have changed forums before I replied. I think you get my point. Not all Republicans serve in the military just as not all democrats send extra tax payments to support the programs they espouse.

[GEML]

Serving in the military is against the Duggars religion. That should be respected just as we respect it in religions such as Quakers, Amish and Mennonites and Brethren. You can certainly belong to any of those groups and love your country, and while there a parts of the Duggars religion I personally find troubling, they are entitled, in my opinion, to any respect on subjects like this that I would give to any other religion.

[NausetGirl]

I really believe the extra registry stuff is in a warehouse to be used as the family's personal Walmart. I envision them merchandizing it like the pantry in the house (you know just like JB did when he worked in a grocery store) but I don't think they're that organized.

 

This I can completely believe, sorry to say. These people continually show themselves to be Takers. Due to their circumstances before TLC came along, they became accustomed to receiving. And they didn't see it as charity, or as their own inability to properly provide for too many kids. I believe they saw their family as providing opportunity for OTHERS to be charitable - towards them. And for reasons passing understanding, now that they have more than they ever dreamed, THEY CONTINUE TO TAKE.  With no hesitation at all, MEchelle helped herself to a few sheets of nail decorations. Tucked them right into her purse, hoping the nail lady wouldn't notice [she did]. I think both she and Boob positively lit up when they realized how they could capitalize on their daughters' weddings and how much was going to descend on Duggarville when Jill's - now Jessa's - presents started rolling in.  Let's see 'People' do a story on that.

[DangerousMinds]

In a week these twits will be married. . . 

[drafan]

In a week these twits will be married. . . 

........and will have conceived a Benessa Blessa.

[DangerousMinds]

Or Binessa.

[Fuzzysox]

I hope they have a boy so we can call him Bin Bulb Jr.

[Ljohnson1987]

The Duggars version of a wedding invite looks more like a wedding invite. I have a feeling that Jessa and Ben will not last.

[Brooklynista]

I have a feeling that Jessa and Ben will not last.

My question is, how will they get out of it? Let's say 6 months after the wedding and they've done all the sexing they can,(because thats all these two are after) now they sit and have true conversations and realize they really do not like each other. Jessa is going to realize a hot body on Ben is only cute in theory. Now what?

Would Jim let them admit failure? Does Gothard allow annulments? Or is it "no backsies" and they're stuck forever?

Edited October 26, 2014 by Brooklynista

[Ljohnson1987]

Derrick and Jill's love seems so genuine. Jessa and Ben's seems so staged and forced. It's almost like Boob paired them together to show that they let the J'Slaves be in relationships. They're both extremely immature. Do they know what marriage is?

[floridamom]

Derick and Jill, and Ben and Jessa may "say" they love each other, but they really don't know one another yet, for all the reasons that have been listed here and probably more than that...having said that, I think that there is a distinct possibility that after a short time together, day in and day out, as they get to experience each other they may not actually LIKE each other at all..there are many elements to "chemistry" and these people give NO TIME to the couple to determine what it is that was attracting them to each other in the first place. There is initial "junior high school crush stage" that Anna and Jill experience(d), sexual attraction as it's the first and only person to say "hey" to them, the hype of attention "courting" brings. None of these 3 girls were and or are no where near being ready for marriage....they only prepare to "have babies". I don't think that Jessa likes Ben much at all, maybe Ben doesn't like Jessa either, as she can be rather sharp and insulting, distant and uncaring. He is attracted to her for the lust....it will fade quickly. What then?

[Ljohnson1987]

Are these girls forced to marry the first person they meet? Sure seems like it.

[GEML]

I have to agree that I don't think that Jill is any more in love than Anna or Jessa, or that it's a better match or more authentic or anything else. I just think she's a more effusive person and it comes out in a sweeter way.

It is interesting to wonder what could happen if they don't make it work. I think that part of the problem is that right now we have so little to go on about what Jessa and Ben's life will look like after marriage. What will they do all day? Where will they live? What job will Ben have ? At least with the other couples we could sort of see something, but with Ben and Jessa we 're left with the honeymoon and then....nothing.

In some ways, kudos to them for playing it that close to the vest. It honestly could be that they want some privacy. But it could also be that they really don't know either. Which is off.

[truthtalk2014]

This I can completely believe, sorry to say. These people continually show themselves to be Takers. Due to their circumstances before TLC came along, they became accustomed to receiving. And they didn't see it as charity, or as their own inability to properly provide for too many kids. I believe they saw their family as providing opportunity for OTHERS to be charitable - towards them. And for reasons passing understanding, now that they have more than they ever dreamed, THEY CONTINUE TO TAKE.  With no hesitation at all, MEchelle helped herself to a few sheets of nail decorations. Tucked them right into her purse, hoping the nail lady wouldn't notice [she did]. I think both she and Boob positively lit up when they realized how they could capitalize on their daughters' weddings and how much was going to descend on Duggarville when Jill's - now Jessa's - presents started rolling in.  Let's see 'People' do a story on that.

As the Duggars might say… PREACH SISTER!

[Hpmec]

It looks like they have to court and eventually marry the first guy who passes muster with JimBoob. Imagine what it's like knowing you have very little choice in the matter because your father's approval is all that counts. In the real world a man or woman meets, falls in love with, and marries someone who may or may not be of the same religion, ethnic group, etc. In Duggarland only conservative "Godly" Bible toting fundies willing to follow arcane courtship rules are considered. The pickins are probably pretty slim.

I give Jessa and Ben 5 years and three kids before they call it quits. By then he'll be 24 and itching to sew some wild oats he was denied earlier. She'll be bored stiff with him, resentful that she's stuck with small children, and looking for the exit door and a guy with a good income who'll be able to give her a more cushy life.

Edited October 26, 2014 by Hpmec

[Jellybeans]

It is sad they can't date a variety of people.

[Darknight]

I've wondered about that too. Does Gothardism allow divorce?

No. That's a big sin. Only dating leads to divorce. If you do everything right and follow the Lord nothing will go wrong. And it's bad enough these people are in the public eye. What will they tell their fans? Jessa and Ben are used once they get married who would want them in fundie land? If only they were in the real world not fundieland. Jessa can blame daddy

It is sad they can't date a variety of people.

It's like Michelle and JB thinks dating leads to sex or divorce. Like wtf? Dating is just getting to know the person. Sex is optional. Just like people can and will have sex while courting. Dating is fun.

Are these girls forced to marry the first person they meet? Sure seems like it.

Not meet but one that daddy approve of and will be on camera Edited October 26, 2014 by Darknight

[Jellybeans]

Like I used to tell my kids, "date and mate" mean two different things.

I would have hated to have married the first guy I dated. OMG.

[Darknight]

Derick and Jill, and Ben and Jessa may "say" they love each other, but they really don't know one another yet, for all the reasons that have been listed here and probably more than that...having said that, I think that there is a distinct possibility that after a short time together, day in and day out, as they get to experience each other they may not actually LIKE each other at all..there are many elements to "chemistry" and these people give NO TIME to the couple to determine what it is that was attracting them to each other in the first place. There is initial "junior high school crush stage" that Anna and Jill experience(d), sexual attraction as it's the first and only person to say "hey" to them, the hype of attention "courting" brings. None of these 3 girls were and or are no where near being ready for marriage....they only prepare to "have babies". I don't think that Jessa likes Ben much at all, maybe Ben doesn't like Jessa either, as she can be rather sharp and insulting, distant and uncaring. He is attracted to her for the lust....it will fade quickly. What then?

I so agree. They down the word love around like it water. Just like people who marry after two months of knowing each other. How can you tell love vs crush feelings if you hardly know the guy. It seems to me these kids don't know what marriage really is. Couples fight disagree on things,have to plan stuff, etc. A couples needs to accept each others flaws. how do they know what each others flaws are if they were never alone together?

Like I used to tell my kids, "date and mate" mean two different things.

I would have hated to have married the first guy I dated. OMG.

You are so right Jellbeans. The first guy I dated I had a huge crush on. Then after the third date I dumped him because he turned out to be a total idiot and douche bag. I can't imagine marrying him.

[truthtalk2014]

I would have hated to have married the first guy I dated. OMG.

I literally shudder at the thought.  OMG!

[3girlsforus]

One thing that has always struck me about the "courters" vs. the "daters" (and I do know people IRL that "court") is that they espouse purity and a belief in saving oneself but seem to believe in courting because they don't think they can control themselves. It is completely possible to date a variety of people, get to know them, consider a future with them and not have sex. If you believe that sex is for marriage... then WAIT. If you can't handle waiting then that's your problem - it's not a problem with the concept of dating. Courters seem so scared that they can't stop from having sex that they have to get married the second they meet someone. That doesn't seem like purity and honoring beliefs to me. 

[Jellybeans]

One can date 20 people or more and not have sex. And, even date different people on the same weekend. A date is simply time you spend with a person doing an activity. Or, just talking.

So scandalous.