S07.E10: Choose Your Battles

[Lemons]

25 minutes ago, lezlers said:

 

Also, I don't blame Chelsea for wanting him gone.  If my kids had a douchebag father who constantly let them down and broke their hearts I'd want him gone too. 

If anyone is breaking Aubrey's heart it's Chelsea.  Chelsea telling Aubrey her father will take her to the dance when he never said he would take her to the dance.  Chelsea asking Aubrey over and over again about her father even when Aubrey has asked her not to.  Aubrey heart isn't broken.  Her mother is trying to break it so she has an excuse to replace Adam with Cole. 

[Tatum]

23 minutes ago, Katt said:

I see what Lemons is saying. Personally, I would nag the fuck out of the deadbeat dad in the hope my kid wouldn't be disappointed. At least I'd know I'd bloody tried my best in the situation.. 

I agree. I'd like to think that if I had saddled my kid with a next to useless father, I would also nag the fuck out of them if I thought it gave me an even 5% increased chance of them actually showing up. No, it's not my job, and my theoretical ex certainly should be taking it upon himself to stay involved. But I wouldn't be making extra effort for the sake of my deadbeat ex- I'd be doing it for my kid. But I suppose there are probably times when it seems like a lot of extra work just for a 5% chance you get a return on that effort, and maybe Chelsea just felt it was more prudent spending that time coming up with an alternate plan.

 

I do feel sorry for Chelsea. Yes, she picked him. Yes she chose to have unprotected sex for months with Adam. But watching your kid get hurt over and over for the rest of your life is a harsh consequence for a teenage error in judgement. That punishment does not fit the crime. But it's the way it goes.

[lezlers]

9 minutes ago, Lemons said:

If anyone is breaking Aubrey's heart it's Chelsea.  Chelsea telling Aubrey her father will take her to the dance when he never said he would take her to the dance.  Chelsea asking Aubrey over and over again about her father even when Aubrey has asked her not to.  Aubrey heart isn't broken.  Her mother is trying to break it so she has an excuse to replace Adam with Cole. 

I never said I approved of Chelsea's constant attempts at replacing Adam with Cole (although I understand her motivations.) Although I'm sure a lot of those conversations are entirely producer driven, as we've seen in the past.  Also, Adam doesn't seem to be trying to stop it, either.  Honestly, how hard is it to respond to a text?  How hard is it to not skip town on father's day when it's your scheduled visitation with your daughter?  These are things entirely within Adam's control that he really seems to not care about.

I'm still anxious to hear your responses to my other questions, however.  Specifically, what, if anything, is actually expected of Adam personally in order to be a good father. 

Edited May 26, 2016 by lezlers

[blubld43]

53 minutes ago, Chicken Wing said:

Mr. Supposed Great Dad, could have learned himself if he kept up with Aubree's school or even called her once in a while to ask her what's going on, as Aubree undoubtedly would have told him herself then.

This right here.  The one thing that is true no matter which side you take, is that if Adumb talked to his daughter, SHE would have likely told him herself.  Call her up, find out what she's doing in her life, what she thinks about.  You cannot call yourself any kind of great parent if you take no interest in your child's life.

[GreatKazu]

2 hours ago, ClassyCourtHeels said:

So about carrying that backpack Leah.......

So?

There are 168 hours in a week. If the twins go to school 8 hours a day that means she has wheelchair access 40 hours a week. So that means in a given week she has access to the wheelchair less than 25% of the time. 

I am just the messenger. I am not defending Leah.

Leah mentioned that info during the episode when the wheelchair was fixed. I would not doubt Leah chose to leave the chair at the school because she does not have the means to get it in hr SUV. Cory had his truck modified. I also think Leah keeps the chair at school so it is not at her house where it can be broken by her kids again. Leah nods off and cannot bother to watch her kids as they destroy shit. 

By the way, Leah's Facebook page (not her fan page) shows that she and Dues are still a couple. 

[guilfoyleatpp]

I can see why Chelsea would be reluctant to constantly remind Adam of his opportunities for parental engagement. 

They've known each other for forever. He's been a douche since their kid was born. She has tried to encourage and remind him of things and his responses are often silence or aggression. I would be reluctant to engage with that as well. If he has well and truly changed, and wants to be judged by his recent past and not his not quite as recent past, he has a lot of responsibility to do what people do at work - which is COMMUNICATE.

Answer texts. Check in. Call your kid. Call the school. Go to parent/teacher meetings. Initiate and ENGAGE.

Chelsea does not bear sole responsibility for ensuring that Aubree's dad doesn't fail. He is a grown up. He doesn't seem to appreciate (in terms of gratitude or exertion) when Chelsea does attempt to engage him. 

If he really wants to be involved (and it's pretty clear he doesn't), he needs to engage.

[lidarose9]

Leah makes enough money to have a wheelchair-friendly car. She could move closer to their school and get a one-level house with wheelchair access throughout. She could probably afford to have one wheelchair at school and keep another at home. There just is no excuse at all. 

[poopchute]

There are several students in the school where I work who use wheelchairs.  I've been teaching for 13 years and I've never seen a student leave the wheelchair at school overnight.  They arrive and leave in the wheelchair.  I don't understand leaving it there.  Because it's too hard to get there?  How do they get it there on Monday mornings and home on Fridays? Magical unicorn?

[Tatum]

3 minutes ago, guilfoyleatpp said:

I.

Chelsea does not bear sole responsibility for ensuring that Aubree's dad doesn't fail. He is a grown up. He doesn't seem to appreciate (in terms of gratitude or exertion) when Chelsea does attempt to engage him. 

 

It's not about "responsibility" though. It's not about what is her job vs. Adam's job. Of course it's Adam's job to keep up with his daughter. Of course he has failed miserably. And of course it sucks that Chelsea should have to spend time and effort engaging someone that treats her like shit, only to have the exact same result had she just ignored him 95% of the time. It is a mostly thankless, useless endeavor. That said, if Chelsea's going above and beyond the call of duty constantly results in Aubree getting hurt one less time a year, isn't it worth it?

 

It's a band-aid gesture. Obviously, the best case scenario would be Adam stepping up and being a better father. The second best case would probably be for Adam to just drop out altogether so Aubree is not constantly set up for disappointment. But Chelsea can't force Adam to be a better father and she can't just cut him out of her minor child's life completely. All she can do is try and mitigate Adam's shitty behavior best she can. Not because it's her job, but because doing so helps Aubree, who she loves.

[GreatKazu]

1 hour ago, Lemons said:

I think he's 25, the same age as Chelsea and the others in this group.  The bottom line is that Chelsea does need to do what's best for Aubrey and if that means going out of her way then she should.  Plenty of fathers never read anything from the school or go on the school's website.  Not unusual. 

I would bet what it came down to is that Adam was not comfortable in a social setting like that.  He is very awkward.   He has gone to her school, silly t-ball and other activities.  This was probably not something he could handle.  I don't know why he wouldn't just text that he couldn't make it.  Or if he actually did text that he couldn't make it. 

Adam went to a gym competition instead of the dance.He says this in the sneak peek.

T-ball is silly?

Yes, Adam has appeared at some events, but not without his piece of ass or flavor of the month by his side. Talk about playing games. If he did not have a girl, he took his best bud instead.

As a therapist once told me, accept what people are. Do not expect them to change. Just like Maya Angelou once said, "When people show you who they are, believe them."

Chelsea seems to have come to the realuzation that Adam will not change and therefore, she is not going to give him 100 percent enabling when all Aubree gets in return is disappointment. Adam himself just recently posted he will never change. As if we did not know this. in the end, Aubree will see her dad for the asshole that he is. This is not some poor, misunderstood, mentally dysfunctional individual. My sympathy lies with the true victim: Aubree.

[guilfoyleatpp]

I have a friend who is going through a divorce with an emotional abuser. He does actually have at least one mental illness diagnosis. 

It is sad, but their kids are learning that their dad is not an emotionally safe person. He does not put in effort, and when he does, it's to get back at the soon to be ex wife through the kids.

My friend does keep her ex informed of school information, even though like Adumb, he rarely makes the effort to show up. 

My point is that Chelsea can best support her child by not enabling her ex. Aubree should not be deluded about Adam's engagement or intentions, it will only make the crash more dramatic when the full realization hits her. Aubree should have counseling so she can talk about how her dad's lack of motivation to see her impacts her emotionally, and to emphasize that it's not her fault. Chelsea has this obligation to Aubree, not preserving a fantasy that her dad actually does give a shit about her when he doesn't. Chelsea shouldn't make excuses for Adam because by doing so, she is complicit and also unreliable in Aubree's eyes.

Chelsea needs to be the one whom Aubree can trust and upon whom she can rely. Chelsea shouldn't talk shit about Adam in front of Aubree (I've seen her do this), but she shouldn't be working to cover up his inadequacies as a parent. By doing that, she would be setting an example for Aubree that Adam's behavior is acceptable when it's definitely not.

[lezlers]

14 minutes ago, Tatum said:

It's not about "responsibility" though. It's not about what is her job vs. Adam's job. Of course it's Adam's job to keep up with his daughter. Of course he has failed miserably. And of course it sucks that Chelsea should have to spend time and effort engaging someone that treats her like shit, only to have the exact same result had she just ignored him 95% of the time. It is a mostly thankless, useless endeavor. That said, if Chelsea's going above and beyond the call of duty constantly results in Aubree getting hurt one less time a year, isn't it worth it?

 

It's a band-aid gesture. Obviously, the best case scenario would be Adam stepping up and being a better father. The second best case would probably be for Adam to just drop out altogether so Aubree is not constantly set up for disappointment. But Chelsea can't force Adam to be a better father and she can't just cut him out of her minor child's life completely. All she can do is try and mitigate Adam's shitty behavior best she can. Not because it's her job, but because doing so helps Aubree, who she loves.

I actually totally agree with this.  100%.   My only point of contention (and it's not coming from you) are those who take this a step further and blame all of Aubree's disappointments on Chelsea instead of Adam, absolving him of any fault when these things happen.  "Well, Chelsea probably didn't text him till the last minute" and "she needs to make sure he knows!!"  Just because there might have been more Chelsea possibly could have done doesn't mean Adam isn't a total piece of shit douchebag father for his actions (or lack thereof.) 

Honestly, Chelsea can't control Adam (that's been made pretty obvious over the years.) All she can really do at this point is try to mitigate the damage of Adam's narcissistic, douchebag ways on Aubree. If I were her, I just wouldn't mention him at all, even if I thought he was actually coming to an event.  Let it be a pleasant surprise for her if he actually shows his roided out, ugly mug.  If he doesn't?  She doesn't have to be any the wiser.

Edited May 26, 2016 by lezlers

[Tatum]

9 minutes ago, guilfoyleatpp said:

I have a friend who is going through a divorce with an emotional abuser. He does actually have at least one mental illness diagnosis. 

It is sad, but their kids are learning that their dad is not an emotionally safe person. He does not put in effort, and when he does, it's to get back at the soon to be ex wife through the kids.

My friend does keep her ex informed of school information, even though like Adumb, he rarely makes the effort to show up. 

My point is that Chelsea can best support her child by not enabling her ex. Aubree should not be deluded about Adam's engagement or intentions, it will only make the crash more dramatic when the full realization hits her. Aubree should have counseling so she can talk about how her dad's lack of motivation to see her impacts her emotionally, and to emphasize that it's not her fault. Chelsea has this obligation to Aubree, not preserving a fantasy that her dad actually does give a shit about her when he doesn't. Chelsea shouldn't make excuses for Adam because by doing so, she is complicit and also unreliable in Aubree's eyes.

Chelsea needs to be the one whom Aubree can trust and upon whom she can rely. Chelsea shouldn't talk shit about Adam in front of Aubree (I've seen her do this), but she shouldn't be working to cover up his inadequacies as a parent. By doing that, she would be setting an example for Aubree that Adam's behavior is acceptable when it's definitely not.

I agree with you that Chelsea shouldn't be covering for Adam or making up excuses as to why he doesn't come, but to me there's a difference between lying to Aubree about her dad and texting him numerous reminders of events so he can't "forget" about them. The latter is not being dishonest to Aubree.

 

ETA: You're right that Chelsea shouldn't be preserving a fantasy for Aubree about Adam, and honestly, she couldn't. Chelsea could devote her whole day to making things as convenient as possible for Adam to be involved and he's still going to blow it because he's Adam. And you're right that therapy is likely in order so Aubree can understand Adam's reflections are no reflection of her. I am just suggesting Chelsea take a few minutes every now and then to eliminate one of Adam's convenient excuses for bailing on his child ("I didn't know" or "I forgot").

Edited May 26, 2016 by Tatum

[DangerousMinds]

16 hours ago, Lexie said:

No it really doesn't because you aren't the parent of either kid.   These moms are controlling shit to fit their fantasy of a happy family and its gross to watch them manipulate kids like that.   

Chelsea tried for years to have Adam fit that fantasy knowing that he is a tool so yeah, Her judgement seems to suck in general.  She would be with any guy who would have her right now 

its cruel to make Aubree wonder if he was coming up till the last minute because she was playing her games and not communicating so Cole could go instead.   

Agree, and I would have preferred to see Randy take Aubree to the dance rather than Cole.

[DangerousMinds]

5 hours ago, Lm2162 said:

Dave is supposedly a pipe fitter/welder. Could very well be untrue though. 

Nathan and Jo don't work except for TM.

I believe Nathan does have income other than TM2; he receives disability.

[Cosmocrush]

2 hours ago, guilfoyleatpp said:

If he really wants to be involved (and it's pretty clear he doesn't), he needs to engage.

Exactly.  I think Adumb is going to be the big loser in the long run.  He's already lost at least five years with Aubree.   Aubree will have Cole and Randy.  

While  Adam's  not doing Aubree any good, I think he's the one that's going to have the regrets later.   She will still get to go to the dance/ball game/etc.  but he will have blown it all off just because he doesn't like Chelsea.  

 

1 hour ago, guilfoyleatpp said:

My point is that Chelsea can best support her child by not enabling her ex. Aubree should not be deluded about Adam's engagement or intentions, it will only make the crash more dramatic when the full realization hits her. Aubree should have counseling so she can talk about how her dad's lack of motivation to see her impacts her emotionally, and to emphasize that it's not her fault. Chelsea has this obligation to Aubree, not preserving a fantasy that her dad actually does give a shit about her when he doesn't. Chelsea shouldn't make excuses for Adam because by doing so, she is complicit and also unreliable in Aubree's eyes.

Chelsea needs to be the one whom Aubree can trust and upon whom she can rely. Chelsea shouldn't talk shit about Adam in front of Aubree (I've seen her do this), but she shouldn't be working to cover up his inadequacies as a parent. By doing that, she would be setting an example for Aubree that Adam's behavior is acceptable when it's definitely not.

Oh, that's a good point @guilfoyleatpp. I hadn't really thought about it that way.

Edited May 26, 2016 by Cosmocrush

[ghoulina]

5 hours ago, DNR said:

Looks like Uncle Dave is about to take on full time Jenelle nurse-maid / housekeeper role.  He did take a whole week off for her mystery illness ( which must be cured cuz sneak peek for next ep has Jace scout event conflicting with spring break plans lol spring break ???!!!! Lmao ) 

I seriously think one reason Jenelle can't be without a dude for more than 5 seconds is because she literally wants someone to take care of her. In every scene at her house Dave is the one carrying Kaiser, picking stuff up, and now apparently he's chauffeuring Ms. Restless Leg around. And he's also to sit there and listen to her bitch about her myriad of problems, agree that she's totally the victim, but not have anything of himself to talk about. 

 

4 hours ago, lezlers said:

That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.  She has her wheelchair at a place where she presumably sits most of the time (save for recess) instead of at home where she's outside playing and going to freaking T-BALL PRACTICE?

Now, now, you know Ms. Possum Princess can't fit a wheelchair in the back of her car, what with a year's supply and 10 lbs of clothing taking up all the trunk space!

 

4 hours ago, Lemons said:

'm expecting her not to set him up to fail.  And not to lie.  She claims she was going to send him the date and location of the dance.  Then she decided to tell him to look it up himself.  Adam has shown himself to have limited social skills and is not that on the ball.  So yes, work with him.  Give him the details and follow up.  Do it for your child.  Text Adam and give him a deadline.  Don't tell your child that he might show up when you have no indication that he might show up.

I don't see that as a lie. I see that as her changing her mind. She doesn't owe Adumb anything and he is perfectly capable of logging onto the school website and finding out when the dance was. I'm pretty sure he DID end up figuring out when it was, since his excuse was that he had some gym thing going on. So I really can't put any of this on Chelsea. Aubree is 6. No more hand holding. If he wants to be the superdad he acts like he is, then he can step up. 

[ghoulina]

2 hours ago, Lemons said:

If anyone is breaking Aubrey's heart it's Chelsea.  Chelsea telling Aubrey her father will take her to the dance when he never said he would take her to the dance.  Chelsea asking Aubrey over and over again about her father even when Aubrey has asked her not to.  Aubrey heart isn't broken.  Her mother is trying to break it so she has an excuse to replace Adam with Cole. 

I don't recall Chelsea ever telling Aubree that Adumb was 100% taking her. It seemed like it was understood that Adumb had been told about the event, but might not show up. The real fuckery, IMO, comes from Adumb just not texting back that he couldn't make it. That's why it was so up in the air until the last minute. When did Aubree ask Chelsea not to ask questions about her dad? Seriously asking, because I honestly don't remember. I do think Chelsea takes it a bit too far sometimes. But as a mother, I would always ask some questions; I want to know what goes on when my child is with the other parent. Chelsea can be pretty immature at times, but she has done nothing that would ever lead me to believe she intentionally wants to break her daughter's heart. 

[starfire]

39 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

Agree, and I would have preferred to see Randy take Aubree to the dance rather than Cole.

Why? Cole is Aubree's stepdad, or will be very soon when he marries her mother. They seem to have a great relationship.

I think the comment that Chelsea would be with "any guy that would have her right now" is BS and unfair.

[CofCinci]

15 minutes ago, starfire said:

I think the comment that Chelsea would be with "any guy that would have her right now" is BS and unfair.

I can't speak for the OP, but I find the comment to be fair.  Look at how hard she held on to Adam --- like a desperate fool.  I was embarrassed for her just watching.  Chelsea is the type to have whatever guy wants her.

[Mkay]

22 minutes ago, starfire said:

Why? Cole is Aubree's stepdad, or will be very soon when he marries her mother. They seem to have a great relationship.

I think the comment that Chelsea would be with "any guy that would have her right now" is BS and unfair.

Agreed. She's had relationships before Cole. She just didn't advertise it or Instagram all about. Even I was surprised when I heard her say she had. 

[ghoulina]

6 minutes ago, CofCinci said:

I can't speak for the OP, but I find the comment to be fair.  Look at how hard she held on to Adam --- like a desperate fool.  I was embarrassed for her just watching.  Chelsea is the type to have whatever guy wants her.

I don't agree at all. I think she held onto Adumb because he was her first love and the father of her child. That's something that's very hard to get over. I know too many people who have had post divorce dalliances with their exes. No matter how they hurt you, that attachment of making a child together can be hard to break. But Chelsea never had another guy for what? Five years of Aubree's life? If she was the type to take whatever guy wanted her, I imagine she'd have moved someone in way before Cole. She is a cute, fun girl and I don't doubt there are plenty of guys in her area who would like to be with her. 

[poopchute]

I think Cole is just a new daddy to Chelsea and it wouldn't matter what man filled that position as long as there was someone there to swoop in and be new dad.  I remember last season when Cole was moving in her friend asked her if she was excited and she said something about finallyyyyyyyy havinggggg the faaaaaamilllyyyyyyy she always wanted!!! It was a weird response.

[Chicken Wing]

15 minutes ago, CofCinci said:

I can't speak for the OP, but I find the comment to be fair.  Look at how hard she held on to Adam --- like a desperate fool.  I was embarrassed for her just watching.  Chelsea is the type to have whatever guy wants her.

Oh, no no, I can't agree with this at all about Chelsea. About Jenelle, or even Leah? Definitely. But not Chelsea. She clung to Adam because she was obsessed with Adam, because he was presumably her first love and she had a childish fantasy that because of that and because they had a child together they were meant to be a family, and she held on to that belief for years despite all the many red flags Adam threw in her face that he was absolutely not on board. It was sad and a little pathetic how long it took Chelsea to get that through her head, yes. But because she did take Adam's bullshit for years and kept crawling back every time he showed her any renewed interest does not suggest to me that she would literally take any guy who held the door open for her. She was just stuck on Adam. And though we only saw her obsess over Adam all these seasons, from what I read she did date other guys between him and Cole, she just didn't care to broadcast any of the relationships on the show. I guess Cole is the first one she felt serious enough about to actually put on TV.

[lezlers]

53 minutes ago, starfire said:

Why? Cole is Aubree's stepdad, or will be very soon when he marries her mother. They seem to have a great relationship.

I think the comment that Chelsea would be with "any guy that would have her right now" is BS and unfair.

This, exactly. Chelsea has dated guys between Adumb and Cole, she just doesn't go the Jenelle and Leah route of moving in and marrying every single guy she dates.  This is her first serious boyfriend since Adumb in a 6 year time span.  I think that comment was based more on an individual poster's dislike of Chelsea than any objective facts we've seen on the show (or on social media.) 

[DangerousMinds]

I don't consider social media to be either objective or factual.

[lezlers]

25 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

I don't consider social media to be either objective or factual.

Yes, that is true.  Neither is the show.  I simply meant there's nothing out there to support the contention that Chelsea will be with whoever will take her, other than a poster's individual dislike of her. 

[Ffiferoo]

3 hours ago, lidarose9 said:

Leah makes enough money to have a wheelchair-friendly car. She could move closer to their school and get a one-level house with wheelchair access throughout. She could probably afford to have one wheelchair at school and keep another at home. There just is no excuse at all. 

Absolutely.  There's really no reason for either Leah or Corey to have to drive Ali to school anyway - she's a student with a disability who could be provided with wheelchair-accessible transportation for free through school.  Of course, with Leah's (non-accessible) house being so far away, that probably makes that option impossible for at least the days Ali is staying there, but I guess there's just nothing she can do about that!  Poor Leah!  I bet they're more concerned about Ali riding the "short bus" than they are about her physical needs anyway though...

[ReadMeLattice]

@DangerousMinds, income, yes. But a job isn't just for income--even if he is truly too disabled from his PTSD to work (but apparently not too disabled by it to film for money...I wonder how he gets around that?), and even if they don't need a single cent for the rest of their lives (which is unlikely, because the show will end at some point) don't Jo/Nathan/Leah/the other hang-arounders want to model some sort of productive daily activity for their kids besides extreme gym time/steroid use? Whether it's volunteering, participating actively in some sort of political or cultural group or interesting hobby, reading, taking classes or getting a degree, cooking well, hiking, gaining practical skills, learning about financial health, being involved in a religious/spiritual or humanist group, doing things with/for the community, building or fixing things...something? Jo, for example, just sort of seems to 'hang around,' chill with Vee and the baby all day, wait for MTV cameras to show up, etc. He might be involved in things we don't know about, but it sure doesn't seem like it. Even if I had unlimited free income, I'd want my kids to see me actively involved in SOMETHING on a regular basis. I know plenty of people who've gotten graduate degrees or gone back to school just to show their kids the value of an education unto itself. Leah just sort of sits and waits to whine about Corey/Miranda as publicly as possible. Nathan plays sports and does his 'me' time at the gym, so I guess that's kind of something, but he doesn't even currently have custody of one of his children, so he's got quite a bit of free time and doesn't seem to do much else with it at all. He's too traumatized to take on a single shift somewhere but he can spend hours daily getting ripped and take steroids? Jenelle hosts drunken parties and pretends to try to go to school and posts photos of herself. I just don't get it...don't these people have a single real interest? They don't even take care of their pets, for God's sake!

[SPLAIN]

1 hour ago, DangerousMinds said:

I don't consider social media to be either objective or factual.

Yet, some people have used social media to prove their point/opinions about Jo, Vee, and whomever else they clearly despise.

[lezlers]

1 hour ago, Lm2162 said:

@DangerousMinds, income, yes. But a job isn't just for income--even if he is truly too disabled from his PTSD to work (but apparently not too disabled by it to film for money...I wonder how he gets around that?), and even if they don't need a single cent for the rest of their lives (which is unlikely, because the show will end at some point) don't Jo/Nathan/Leah/the other hang-arounders want to model some sort of productive daily activity for their kids besides extreme gym time/steroid use? Whether it's volunteering, participating actively in some sort of political or cultural group or interesting hobby, reading, taking classes or getting a degree, cooking well, hiking, gaining practical skills, learning about financial health, being involved in a religious/spiritual or humanist group, doing things with/for the community, building or fixing things...something? Jo, for example, just sort of seems to 'hang around,' chill with Vee and the baby all day, wait for MTV cameras to show up, etc. He might be involved in things we don't know about, but it sure doesn't seem like it. Even if I had unlimited free income, I'd want my kids to see me actively involved in SOMETHING on a regular basis. I know plenty of people who've gotten graduate degrees or gone back to school just to show their kids the value of an education unto itself. Leah just sort of sits and waits to whine about Corey/Miranda as publicly as possible. Nathan plays sports and does his 'me' time at the gym, so I guess that's kind of something, but he doesn't even currently have custody of one of his children, so he's got quite a bit of free time and doesn't seem to do much else with it at all. He's too traumatized to take on a single shift somewhere but he can spend hours daily getting ripped and take steroids? Jenelle hosts drunken parties and pretends to try to go to school and posts photos of herself. I just don't get it...don't these people have a single real interest? They don't even take care of their pets, for God's sake!

So true.  I've been out of work 3 times in my life.  Once was for a few months when my employment contract ended.  The other two times I was on maternity leave.  Each of those times, after about a month or so I began to become depressed.  I needed something, anything, to fill up my time (well, with maternity leave it took a little longer since I had my hands full for the first few weeks.) I don't understand people who don't do anything with their time.  Aren't you bored to tears?  Don't you want to have some sort of purpose in life?  Some value?  Some reason to get up in the morning and get out of bed?  I just can't imagine an existence in which I was just kind of....there.  It would drive me insane.

[DangerousMinds]

35 minutes ago, SPLAIN said:

Yet, some people have used social media to prove their point/opinions about Jo, Vee, and whomever else they clearly despise.

The only one I truly despise on these shows is Jenelle. But I don't do social media.

[ReadMeLattice]

2 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

The only one I truly despise on these shows is Jenelle. But I don't do social media.

I've thought about this before and the only ones I truly, truly hate are Jenelle, Adam, and Nathan. The others all have some redeeming quality or another (though Leah's getting on up there, tbh). 

[StatisticalOutlier]

2 hours ago, ghoulina said:

I don't recall Chelsea ever telling Aubree that Adumb was 100% taking her. It seemed like it was understood that Adumb had been told about the event, but might not show up. The real fuckery, IMO, comes from Adumb just not texting back that he couldn't make it. That's why it was so up in the air until the last minute.

I think Chelsea let it be up in the air, though.  All she had to do was tell him he has until X date to let her know if he can go to the dance, and that if she doesn't hear from him, she'll assume he can't.  Really, if a chief complaint of hers is that Adam never responds to texts, then make it so that it doesn't matter if he doesn't respond. 

All she has to tell Aubree is that she's checking with Adam to see if he can go.  If he doesn't respond by the deadline, then she tells Aubree he can't make it, so Cole is taking her.  If Aubree asks why he can't make it, Chelsea just says she doesn't know, but Cole is looking forward to it.

It makes it a little easier on Adam, which I'm sure Chelsea isn't interested in.  But it makes it a LOT easier on Chelsea, and it's better for Aubree not to be told that Adam didn't respond.  I wish those considerations would outweigh whatever investment she has in getting the same result but with Adam proving himself once again to be a dick.

 

17 hours ago, Tatum said:

It was an impossible choice she was forced to make. There's a good chance he would have made it through those weeks as an infant before Jenelle finally agreed to adoption, none the wiser to the conditions of his early life, but what if he didn't make it? Quite the gamble. 

Definitely a gamble, and definitely having to choose among several bad options.  But she did choose one that meant she would be taking care of Jace, and she's doing a terrible job. 

 

18 hours ago, lidarose9 said:

Also I suspect the MTV producers want Barb to take those phone calls from Jenelle, even though we all know she's just going to spout more nonsense. And Jenelle knows very damn well she's on speakerphone and Jace can hear every word. Has Jenelle EVER for one instant stopped to consider her words because Jace was present? Never. And it'll never happen. Jace could be a brick, as far as she's concerned. 

Frankly, I don't think Barb's any better than Jenelle in this respect because she doesn't consider that Jace is present when she takes calls from Jenelle even though there's a very high probability it's going to be a typical Jenelle call, laced with profanity and ending with abruptly hanging up on her.

I'm positive MTV wants them to talk on the phone, but so what?  Why doesn't Barb say, "It's harmful for Jace to be exposed to it, so I won't do it in front of him.  I'll let you film Jenelle and me fighting until the end of time but not when he's present."  

Actually, I'll answer my own question:  She doesn't do that because she doesn't think it's harmful, and because of that, I think she's a bad parent and I resent her accepting that role.  At the very least she could TRY to learn some parenting skills, but I seriously doubt she thinks there's anything wrong with her parenting, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary.

Or, worse, she's afraid of losing the MTV money, which is unforgivable, not to mention kind of stupid because I'd be willing to bet big that there's no way MTV would engage in a showdown about that.

[ReadMeLattice]

It's not Chelsea's job to make sure Adam knows about a father-daughter dance at all. He's a freaking adult. Why doesn't HE know about school events specifically for fathers? I'm sure he could get text alerts from the school, as others have said. Sign up for the school newsletter, look at their website, speak to teachers when he picks her up, give them a call to see how she's doing and what's going on at school if he's never around during school hours. Why should she have to text him at all?

[MyPeopleAreNordic]

Something tells me that if MTV cameras had been allowed to film in the actual father/daughter dance, Adam would have been there. 

[ivgotspirit02]

3 hours ago, MyPeopleAreNordic said:

Something tells me that if MTV cameras had been allowed to film in the actual father/daughter dance, Adam would have been there. 

Ding ding ding we have a winner. It seems like Adam only cares about being a good dad if he can impress someone (besides, of course, the person who really matters. His daughter). 

[blubld43]

Quote

Even if I had unlimited free income, I'd want my kids to see me actively involved in SOMETHING on a regular basis. I know plenty of people who've gotten graduate degrees or gone back to school just to show their kids the value of an education unto itself. 

I have said this same thing, more or less.  When Kail and Jo had the big sweatpants-on-Sunday blowout, she asked Javi "what is Isaac going to look up to?"  I took that to mean Jo's general lack of motivation or interest in anything outside his home, rather than just the sweatpants.  I agreed with her comment; I generally like Jo but I'd love to see him go to college.  Or any of the other things LM2162 mentions above.  For all her faults, Kail is certainly showing awareness that the MTV money won't last forever; she's smartly getting a degree in communications, I think.  Something that, coupled with her MTV experience, should help her easily get a decent job some day.

[WhosThatGirl]

9 hours ago, Lm2162 said:

It's not Chelsea's job to make sure Adam knows about a father-daughter dance at all. He's a freaking adult. Why doesn't HE know about school events specifically for fathers? I'm sure he could get text alerts from the school, as others have said. Sign up for the school newsletter, look at their website, speak to teachers when he picks her up, give them a call to see how she's doing and what's going on at school if he's never around during school hours. Why should she have to text him at all?

This is how I feel. Sadly though as I said earlier, Chelsea really is in a bad position because if something were to come up that a father-or any parent, really- would want to know and attend, Chelsea feels she has to tell him because if she doesn't, she's a bad person and she's keeping Aubree from Adam and not telling him of important events. Yes, Chelsea chose to have a baby with Adam but I hate also how everyone makes this situation her fault with the she didn't text him earlier and the she's forcing Cole into the Dad postion. I personally don't think she is forcing Cole into that. 

As for Ali backpack videogate,  I don't think we were given the whole conversation on Ali's end, but why would we? Miranda is not our protagonist in this show, Leah is. We need a reason for her to be upset and we need to change her narrative. This weeks episode and last weeks seem to be trying to edit her in a favorable light, or a better way then she has been. Also as I mentioned as a fellow disabled person, backpacks are tough. Maybe they should consider getting Ali a roller one? Or use the wheelchair and get a bag that hooks on to that, given that Ali's muscles waste away quickly.

Edited May 27, 2016 by WhosThatGirl
Misspelled some things.

[DoctorWhovian]

20 hours ago, Lemons said:

I'm expecting her not to set him up to fail.  And not to lie.  She claims she was going to send him the date and location of the dance.  Then she decided to tell him to look it up himself.  Adam has shown himself to have limited social skills and is not that on the ball.  So yes, work with him.  Give him the details and follow up.  Do it for your child.  Text Adam and give him a deadline.  Don't tell your child that he might show up when you have no indication that he might show up.

If she was his wife, sure. But he's a grown up and grown ups need to be on top of their own appointments and obligations, and not expect their ex's to do this for them. The only exception is things that Adam couldn't know about without Chelsea telling him (a doctor's appointment, for example). Both parents have an equal responsibility (and ability!) to be in the know about what happens at school. Nothing is stopping Adam from putting on his big boy pants and doing this, just that he doesn't want to.

Women are no more capable of knowing about events in their child's life than men. It's one thing for a couple to find that's what works in their relationship and that's how they do it, but Adam and Chelsea are not together. The only thing Chelsea HAS to do vis a vis Adam is what the court orders. Anything above and beyond is by choice.

10 hours ago, MyPeopleAreNordic said:

Something tells me that if MTV cameras had been allowed to film in the actual father/daughter dance, Adam would have been there. 

Well, he still could have used it as an opportunity to show off on social media, which we all know is the extent of his parenting. "Hey guys look, a picture of my children, they're alive and within my general proximity. Now tell me what a great dad I am!"

Edited May 27, 2016 by DoctorWhovian

[ReadMeLattice]

@DoctorWhovian, Adam has also actively complained about Chelsea "nagging" him about Aubree and contacting him too much, to the point that she didn't have his number for a while. So she's just supposed to know exactly the right amount of contact that wouldn't disrupt/disturb his Highness, but also push him to be a decent father and human? That's just too much to ask of anyone when you're not even with the person. And you're right-- women don't inherently know more about their kids' activities than men. He could just as easily figure it out if he had any interest at all. 

[neatoburrito]

20 hours ago, BitterApple said:

I think the poster was trying to say it would be better for Chelsea to let the relationship develop organically rather than pushing Cole on Aubrey 24/7. Aubrey is six. At this point she's starting to realize her father is an unreliable douche. It sucks, but it is what it is. However I also don't think it's healthy for Aubree to be badgered constantly with questions like "Isn't Cole great?" "Aren't you sooooo happy Cole is here?" "Isn't it fun to do x/y/z with Cole?". I just think it's a little manipulative. Just let the kid work out her feelings at her own pace, there's no need to oversell it.

I feel like it annoys Chelsea that Aubree still has an attachment to her real father and isn't just diving straight into a perfect daddy-daughter bond with Cole. Especially after they came back from the dance. When Aubree was sad that Adam didn't show up Chelsea said "but you knew that might happen" and then started telling her how much she should appreciate Cole for taking her. I get that it was nice of Cole but it was like she was irritated that Aubree was still focusing on being disappointed by Adam, instead of waxing lyrical about how great Cole is. And sure Cole is a much better father figure than Adam, but like you said, let her work things out for herself.

[lezlers]

7 minutes ago, Lm2162 said:

@DoctorWhovian, Adam has also actively complained about Chelsea "nagging" him about Aubree and contacting him too much, to the point that she didn't have his number for a while. So she's just supposed to know exactly the right amount of contact that wouldn't disrupt/disturb his Highness, but also push him to be a decent father and human? That's just too much to ask of anyone when you're not even with the person. And you're right-- women don't inherently know more about their kids' activities than men. He could just as easily figure it out if he had any interest at all. 

But...but...but...if Adam missing anything in Aubree's life, surely it's because of something CHELSEA did!  It couldn't possibly be because Adam is a narcissistic, self involved douchebag who only plays the daddy role when it suits him and he can personally get something out of it! 

[Phoebe70]

Question for y'all....at Chelsea's house in the kitchen there is a decorative capital "D" on their wall.  I thought Chelsea's last name was Houska.  Does Cole's last name start with a D?

[Mkay]

19 minutes ago, neatoburrito said:

I feel like it annoys Chelsea that Aubree still has an attachment to her real father and isn't just diving straight into a perfect daddy-daughter bond with Cole. Especially after they came back from the dance. When Aubree was sad that Adam didn't show up Chelsea said "but you knew that might happen" and then started telling her how much she should appreciate Cole for taking her. I get that it was nice of Cole but it was like she was irritated that Aubree was still focusing on being disappointed by Adam, instead of waxing lyrical about how great Cole is. And sure Cole is a much better father figure than Adam, but like you said, let her work things out for herself.

I saw it differently. I saw her pause as if she didn't know how to respond the right way. She answered the way I probably would have and changes the subject quickly. I would too so that my daughter wouldn't suddenly get sad or that I wouldn't cry. 

[neatoburrito]

4 minutes ago, Phoebe70 said:

Question for y'all....at Chelsea's house in the kitchen there is a decorative capital "D" on their wall.  I thought Chelsea's last name was Houska.  Does Cole's last name start with a D?

Deboer IIRC

[Phoebe70]

Just now, neatoburrito said:

Deboer IIRC

Thanks!  I was confused.  Does anyone else think that's kind of a strange thing to have up?  I mean, Chelsea's still a Houska, the house is in her name, and Audrey has a different last name (Lind, right?).  It looked odd to me.

[poopchute]

But they are going to be a familyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!

[Mkay]

I asked the same question out loud while watching this week. "Why is there a D on the wall." It took me a minute. 

[kira28]

Quote

Adam has also actively complained about Chelsea "nagging" him about Aubree and contacting him too much, to the point that she didn't have his number for a while. So she's just supposed to know exactly the right amount of contact that wouldn't disrupt/disturb his Highness, but also push him to be a decent father and human?

This made me laugh out loud because this is my ex husband to a t!  When we went to court for custody he lied and said I refused to let him see the kids. that I was trying to alienate him.  But I had many unanswered text messages that I'd sent him asking when he wanted to see the kids, pictures I sent him (of his children) that he never even commented on, and texts i'd send telling him about various school functions (that he ignored and never showed up to) and at one point he had texted me to tell me I was contacting him too frequently (maybe once a week) and he blocked my number for a few weeks.

 

Adam doesn't want to actually take care of his kids. He's like Janelle, He wants a few photo ops to show what a great parent he thinks he is and then he wants to live his life and not be bothered by the responsibilities of fatherhood.  If seeing Aubree interferes with what Adam wants to do he just blows her off..
 

Leah is ridiculous! Love those pics with the backpack. I find it hilarious (and have the urge to punch her in the face at the same time) that Leah is so high and mighty over Miranda not carrying her backpack one time because she had Remi to carry but Little Miss Perfect Leah drives around high with the girls in the vehicle, while texting, can't be bothered to feed her girls even when they are crying about how hungry they are and countless other infractions that are nearly child abuse. Leah has done tons of things that are 100 times worse than what Miranda supposedly did.