Janelle Brown: Smarter Than Your Average Brown (Maybe)

[Sasha888]

1 hour ago, Kohola3 said:

She and Pioneer Woman should get together.  That hack cook throws together all kinds of unrelated spices and seasonings and tortures perfectly fine food with them.  And then tops her creations with a whole" buncha" layers of crap as well.

 🤣 🤣 🤣 Love this description of her! My mom always wanted me to watch the Pioneer Screwball with her, and I watched a few times and then told Mom, sorry I can't watch this show anymore...I want to punch this woman.

[laurakaye]

2 hours ago, Sandy W said:

Just drink your damn coffee straight Janelle and let the caffeine do the job it was intended to do, wake you up, so you can go about a productive day and actually accomplish something.

Now hold on, you might be on to something here....

[Sandy W]

4 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

Now hold on, you might be on to something here....

Too straight forward for Janelle.  She must complicate everything she does.

[xwordfanatik]

1 hour ago, Sandy W said:

Too straight forward for Janelle.  She must complicate everything she does.

Yes, because if she did anything the easy way, she'd lose her excuse to piss and moan about how hard everything in her life is.

I must be out of touch...I've yet to watch or read anything Pioneer Woman-related.  I don't think I'll start now.

[Kohola3]

4 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

I must be out of touch...I've yet to watch or read anything Pioneer Woman-related.  I don't think I'll start now.

Her show is every bit as snark-worthy as SW and her forums are very active.  She's as phony as a $3 bill but has Reeple who adore her much like the Sheeple on SW and their followers.  It's a total mystery to me.

[Absolom]

4 hours ago, Sandy W said:

Just drink your damn coffee straight Janelle and let the caffeine do the job it was intended to do, wake you up, so you can go about a productive day and actually accomplish something.

My current question for Janelle is how many steps a day do you take or how many miles do you cover?  

[Sandy W]

25 minutes ago, Absolom said:

My current question for Janelle is how many steps a day do you take or how many miles do you cover?  

Janelle's Golden Triangle...Couch/Laptop/Fridge.  Repeat as necessary.

[LilWharveyGal]

46 minutes ago, Absolom said:

My current question for Janelle is how many steps a day do you take or how many miles do you cover?  

Oh lord, I can imagine the response:  "Between work and family I'm usually too busy, but on the days when I remember to take off my flannel robe and wear clothes with an actual waistband I like to clip on this pedometer.  This little machine is a fitness rock star.  If you think about it, a pedometer basically counts steps.  It's so encouraging to watch the number increase every time you go to the coffeemaker or bathroom!  I'm hoping to improve each time I wear it and eventually crack triple digits.  What tricks do YOU use to keep yourselves moving and motivated?"  

[Kohola3]

Snerk!

[Pickleinthemiddle]

19 hours ago, Sasha888 said:

Except wine. Wine does God's work. ;-P No seriously though, you're right and a real health coach would know that.

Health coach seems like a weird title to me. It kind of says "I didn't cut it as a nutritionist, or a certified personal trainer, or a Zumba instructor...so I'm gonna blog about putting shit in your coffee and call it being a health coach."

Of course Wine, I wan't talking about that beverage.  Give me a good Gewurztraminer or Riesling.  

[Sasha888]

3 minutes ago, Pickleinthemiddle said:

Of course Wine, I wan't talking about that beverage.  Give me a good Gewurztraminer or Riesling. 

Yep, wine calories don't count. We must all stay sane, after all. 

For me it's wines that any true wine lover would scoff at - I tend to go for cheap stuff with screw off caps! It has to not really taste much like alcohol...basically sweet and fruity is what I like. Almost just a glorified fruit juice, hee.

One time I bought a bottle of wine solely for the name. When I finished paying off all the debt my ex-husband ran up on my credit cards (some of it dating websites, no less...talk about your polygamy! On my credit cards....what a peach of a guy. Kicked his ass to the curb so fast it made his head spin.) I enjoyed a bottle of Fat Bastard!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 And it was, because of the circumstances, the sweetest bottle of wine I've ever enjoyed.

Saw a great wine for Meri while I was shopping for it, too...Royal Bitch. I'm guessing it pairs well with catfish. Call it a hunch.

[Kohola3]

12 minutes ago, Sasha888 said:

Saw a great wine for Meri while I was shopping for it, too...Royal Bitch. I'm guessing it pairs well with catfish. Call it a hunch.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!  You all are a riot.

I buy wines based on the pretty labels.  Obviously I am not connoisseur.

[Yeah No]

On 12/4/2018 at 11:10 AM, TurtlePower said:

Here we go again with the proclamations everyone who doesn't live in a cave knows about! GAH!

"Spices are basically plants": Nuh-uh! You don't say! I had no idea where they came from, I just crawled out from under a rock!

"Think ginger": No shit, Janelle. My mom gave this to me when I was 4 and had tummy issues; that and peppermint. 

The way she writes this stuff is awful, too. No links to studies or citations to back up her claims, just........"proclamations". Idiot. 

Janelle is one of those people that's lived such a sheltered life that when she discovers something new to her she thinks the rest of us are similarly unsophisticated and need to be told about them.  Meanwhile any average person would already know a lot of those things since childhood already!

[laurakaye]

16 hours ago, LilWharveyGal said:

Oh lord, I can imagine the response:  "Between work and family I'm usually too busy, but on the days when I remember to take off my flannel robe and wear clothes with an actual waistband I like to clip on this pedometer.  This little machine is a fitness rock star.  If you think about it, a pedometer basically counts steps.  It's so encouraging to watch the number increase every time you go to the coffeemaker or bathroom!  I'm hoping to improve each time I wear it and eventually crack triple digits.  What tricks do YOU use to keep yourselves moving and motivated?"  

THIS x 100000000!  Janelle Brown is to fitness what Jill Duggar is to cooking.  

[Shieldmaiden]

On 11/26/2018 at 1:49 PM, ginger90 said:

Are Janelle’s sinuses in a different place than everyone else’s? 

 

I hope Janelle’s been using sterile water in her Neti pot, unlike this poor woman...https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/health/rare-brain-eating-amoebas-kill-seattle-woman-leave-doctors-bracing-for-possible-repeats/

The article shows the amoeba is more present in the southern states, including Arizona.

[Natalie68]

On 12/4/2018 at 12:08 PM, laurakaye said:

So wait, now we add spices to our coffee?  No way!  I am still adding butter, like she said to do two weeks ago, and then the molasses from just a few days ago.  Pretty soon I am going to have to start drinking my coffee with a spoon over here.

Keep up Laurakaye!!  The nuggets of brilliance just keep on flowing from Janelle.  I am wondering when she will find some half baked advice to add chocolate chips to her coffee.  Or Fritos.  You know its coming.

On 12/5/2018 at 7:43 AM, Sandy W said:

She has literally hundreds of spices to work her way through and thousands of combinations thereof.  This should keep the Strive blogs alive throughout infinity.

I can hardly wait until she posts the concept of curry, chili or cayenne added to coffee to boost blood flow and invigorate one through the cold winter months.  For summer, the cooling effects of mint and citrus rinds will be touted.

Just drink your damn coffee straight Janelle and let the caffeine do the job it was intended to do, wake you up, so you can go about a productive day and actually accomplish something.

You just wrote her next few STRIVE blogs!

[Natalie68]

20 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

Yes, because if she did anything the easy way, she'd lose her excuse to piss and moan about how hard everything in her life is.

I must be out of touch...I've yet to watch or read anything Pioneer Woman-related.  I don't think I'll start now.

It has some pretty good snark worthy moments.  The recipes are sometimes a combo of church cookbook and an 8 year old boy with access to the cupboards that leave you scratching your head.  

[xwordfanatik]

I'll just say no to Neti.  Just like LuLaNo!

Seriously, that article was scary.  I'd rather have allergies.

[Marshmallow Mollie]

On 12/3/2018 at 6:54 PM, ginger90 said:

Oh geez. 

I like my morning coffee with just a splash of half & half. If it is cheap coffee, I usually add cinnamon or a homemade pumpkin pie or apple pie mix to the grounds. No sugar. On the other hand, my husband’s coffee cup is one-third store bought flavored sugary coffee creamer.

I’ve started making coffee creamer for him because it is cheaper, it has recognizable ingredients, and I can make them with less sugar. 

I’m biased, but that should have been her angle. “Start your day off with making healthy food choices. Ditch the store bought coffee creamer and reach for spices to replace sugar with the warmth of cinnamon and ginger.”

[ginger90]

A while ago, she gave up coffee. See how that worked out? 

[laurakaye]

44 minutes ago, Marshmallow Mollie said:

I’m biased, but that should have been her angle. “Start your day off with making healthy food choices. Ditch the store bought coffee creamer and reach for spices to replace sugar with the warmth of cinnamon and ginger.”

Janelle could never post something like this for the following reasons:

• no spelling errors
• grammatically correct 
• creatively evocative as opposed to whiny and generic
• far too much logic
• "fad of the day" is missing
• also missing is a link to something she found on the interwebz, modified to make her sound like she knows what she's talking about, and brief enough for her to dash off a post before the peanut butter Fritos burn in the oven

Edited December 6, 2018 by laurakaye

[ChristmasJones]

On 12/5/2018 at 1:09 PM, LilWharveyGal said:

Oh lord, I can imagine the response:  "Between work and family I'm usually too busy, but on the days when I remember to take off my flannel robe and wear clothes with an actual waistband I like to clip on this pedometer.  This little machine is a fitness rock star.  If you think about it, a pedometer basically counts steps.  It's so encouraging to watch the number increase every time you go to the coffeemaker or bathroom!  I'm hoping to improve each time I wear it and eventually crack triple digits.  What tricks do YOU use to keep yourselves moving and motivated?"  

 OK, I laughed so hard reading this I inhaled the limeade I was drinking, which led to a coughing fit.  Seriously.

This was just heaven, and sooo perfect!!  It reminds me of a writing exercise I did in college where we had to read a certain author and then attempt to mimic their style, grammar, punctuation, etc. One of them was Hemmingway. It was HARD!!! I did terrible at it. 

But you did a great job mimicking Janelle's blog posts!!

I get the sense that she is true introvert and she is doing something that just goes completely against her nature. Trying to sell stuff and encourage people through social media is just not her jam at all.  It wouldn't be mine, either. I can't imagine having to churn out continual interesting and motivating content. It sounds like a nightmare.  

But what she's doing is also what we now see all over the internet- anyone can be an "expert" and make YouTube videos, Instagram posts, etc., when they essentially know next to nothing and just latch on to a few trendy phrases and babble about them. Its actually really scary to see how much bad/wrong information is being spread like wildfire thanks to the internet + social media, but gobbled up as if it is gospel.

[Kohola3]

35 minutes ago, ChristmasJones said:

I get the sense that she is true introvert and she is doing something that just goes completely against her nature. Trying to sell stuff and encourage people through social media is just not her jam at all.

Which is why she is such a failure as a Realtor as well.  I don't know what makes her think she can do these things so totally against her nature.  Or is she being forced into it, assigned tasks by the Lord High Prophet Kootie who threatens her with no place on his planet?

[Sasha888]

1 hour ago, Kohola3 said:

Which is why she is such a failure as a Realtor as well.  I don't know what makes her think she can do these things so totally against her nature.  Or is she being forced into it, assigned tasks by the Lord High Prophet Kootie who threatens her with no place on his planet?

You're on to something there. Kody was really enthusiastic about Mona, I think he smelled a money making venture there, and got Christine and Janelle to get their realtor's license. (I had a fantastic typo in that sentence originally...I wrote "monkey making venture", HA!!!! Monkey making venture is actually much more accurate!)

And this Strive thing...it has Kody's stink all over it. "Let's screw people out of a monthly subscription for basically nothing, all you'll have to do is write some blog crap once in awhile!" screams Kody. Janelle is doing what Janelle always does...plod along, doing as she's told, no matter how inept she is at it.

Meanwhile, Kody doesn't even have a bullshit job! Janelle's Strive, Christine and Meri's LulaNo, Robyn's "closet"...they're all dumb and barely a job, but Kody does even less than that! Get on Instagram and shill some crap like you're making your wives do, Kody! He's the laziest of the lazy.

[Yeah No]

4 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

 

5 hours ago, ChristmasJones said:

I get the sense that she is true introvert and she is doing something that just goes completely against her nature. Trying to sell stuff and encourage people through social media is just not her jam at all.

Which is why she is such a failure as a Realtor as well.  I don't know what makes her think she can do these things so totally against her nature.  Or is she being forced into it, assigned tasks by the Lord High Prophet Kootie who threatens her with no place on his planet?

 

Exactly!  Not only is she a true introvert, she is not even a "people person" either, which is something introverts can be, just not with the high energy of extroverts.  She is trying to be the opposite of what she is by nature.  She would probably make an average mid level accountant or business analyst.  I used to work in the corporate world and there are a lot of 'Janelles' in positions like that.  Her inability to pursue what suits her speaks of a lack of self awareness and an inability to listen to her own inner voice, probably because she's been told what she "should" be and buys into that instead.  She may fundamentally not like herself for any number of reasons and wants to reinvent herself as someone very different, which obviously isn't working.  I don't even think she is aware of that if so.  She just thinks she's discovering her "true self".

Edited December 7, 2018 by Yeah No

[suomi]

3 hours ago, Sasha888 said:

Meanwhile, Kody doesn't even have a bullshit job! Janelle's Strive, Christine and Meri's LulaNo, Robyn's "closet"...they're all dumb and barely a job, but Kody does even less than that! Get on Instagram and shill some crap like you're making your wives do, Kody! He's the laziest of the lazy.

In plyg towns, one set of wives has all the good jobs: postmistress, school principal, town manager, owner of the only store/gas station, etc... while the patriarch kicks back like "Score!"

Kody aspires. 

[ginger90]

[Kohola3]

Damn, those things are expensive!  But, I have to admit, a good idea if you wrap a lot of food.  They don't last forever but are apparently compostable.

[terrymct]

On 12/5/2018 at 1:35 PM, Sandy W said:

Too straight forward for Janelle.  She must complicate everything she does.

Including marriage and raising a family.

[ginger90]

[ginger90]

[Kohola3]

Eureka!  She discovered that rare and exotic food known as grapefruit!  My life is forever changed by her revelation.

[xwordfanatik]

And of course, J can't eat it as is; she has to add those extra calories.  If grapefruit is too sour for her, why doesn't she just eat an orange, FFS??

[TurtlePower]

Is there ever a time when she isn't "struggling" with the damn weather/seasonal conditions? We've heard it all over the years: too hot, too sunny, too cold, too dark. She "struggles" with all of it. She lives in one of the most fun, outdoorsy places there is, yet she keeps herself cooped up inside with fires and molasses and now, grapefruits. No matter where she is, she always finds something about the seasons or the weather to complain about, which in turn causes her to struggle to get anything done. She hibernates year round. 

She always seems to be looking fo the next food or product to perk her up. She should try getting outside and moving instead. 

[Sasha888]

Yay, a Strive post for me to snark on! ;-)

1) Work place festivities? How is this a problem for YOU, Janelle? Tough to avoid all those treats at "the office"? This is a real problem for people who actually work, how about some tips on what they can do to avoid overdoing it?

2) Vegas was too hot, Flagstaff is too snowy and dark...always some reason to be morbidly depressed. Great thing to post about for someone who is described as "cheer leader" for her clients.

3) "She thought is really helped her". Check for typos, this is your business (ostensibly).

I love how she states a big list of problems, then gives no advice as to how to deal with them. Except, you know, grapefruit.

[suomi]

Sad Cafe, table for one. 

LOL, the screen on my phone is sorta small so I thought it was a bowl of pork chops. I was expecting a marinade or rub recipe. I had to slog through two depressing paragraphs to find out that Maddie used to eat citrus every day in Wyoming. Kept going, thinking Aha, a citrus marinade for pork might be good. Nope. And now I'm craving pork chops and cornbread... 

[ginger90]

3 hours ago, suomi said:

Sad Cafe, table for one. 

LOL, the screen on my phone is sorta small so I thought it was a bowl of pork chops. I was expecting a marinade or rub recipe. I had to slog through two depressing paragraphs to find out that Maddie used to eat citrus every day in Wyoming. Kept going, thinking Aha, a citrus marinade for pork might be good. Nope. And now I'm craving pork chops and cornbread... 

I thought it was raw meat in the bowl too. I’m also on a phone. 

[AZChristian]

47 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

I thought it was raw meat in the bowl too. I’m also on a phone. 

I have a huge monitor on my desk.  Looked like meat to me, too, at first.

[Roslyn]

Poor grapefruit.  It's only "pretty powerful" it's not a rock star.

[neh]

I am telling' y'all, Janelle is Eyore incarnate!

[laurakaye]

Why didn't she drizzle her grapefruit with molasses?  That three-gallon jug isn't going to drink itself.

[xwordfanatik]

Good question.  Isn't molasses one of Janelle's 'rock stars?'  So it would be magic on grapefruit?  

Eeyore.  Hehe, I think of Meri as Eeyore, always blubbering about this & that, and puzzled when no one pays her attention.  

[ginger90]

[Kohola3]

Well, when you are in an intense, high stress, no holds barred, cutthroat career you certainly need a way to regain your calm.

Oh, wait.

[lookeyloo]

1 hour ago, Kohola3 said:

Well, when you are in an intense, high stress, no holds barred, cutthroat career you certainly need a way to regain your calm.

Oh, wait.

Seems like her every day life is high stress, for whatever reason...

[deirdra]

That yoga mat looks like it has never been used.  This family loves selfies, so why not one of Janelle ON the mat?

[xwordfanatik]

1 hour ago, lookeyloo said:

Seems like her every day life is high stress, for whatever reason...

Polygamy?  Or more specifically, Meri? 

[lookeyloo]

11 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

Polygamy?  Or more specifically, Meri? 

Hmm.  I think she is stressed by everything, from what to wear when she does get dressed, to what to eat, how to fix it, how to either do an exercise, or avoid it, etc.  

[Marshmallow Mollie]

If I were one of her kids and read that she needed some yoga after spending a weekend with me doing holiday activities, I would be a little hurt. She could have taken a different angle (“start off your week right with yoga”) or phrased it differently (“after a fun weekend with the kids, I am getting back to my usual schedule”). 

[Sasha888]

Janelle could have the point across without that pic. What is inspiring about a picture of an empty yoga mat? When I look at it my only thought is "how long before she totally trashes that carpet?"