Re: how C&T act about Carly
1. Look at the families they grew up in - abusive/unhealthy adults, no healthy role models, no one even aware enough to realize these kids/young adults could benefit from therapy
2. Look at their lack of education
3. Look at the trauma in their histories
4. Look at MTV coming into their lives and rewarding their actions with LOTS of money and "fame" - many results from this: no need to get jobs, no need to learn skills, no fear of how to support themselves (which can serve as a motivator to get education/training/job even if a person has no real intrinsic motivation),
5. A decade of MTV producers playing therapist, coaching/encouraging the behaviors/storylines out of them that will enhance ratings rather than what would be healthiest for them. Had they been forced to get jobs/go to school due to financial need, they might have encountered some adult role models who would have inspired/motivated them to do and be better.
Based on all of the above, primarily about the socioeconomic environment they grew up in, why would anyone expect them to act in healthy and productive ways with regard to the adoption of Carly?
So much anger is expressed at them for not doing better and being better..... but the truth is they are not willing/able to be and do better. Their experiences in life so far have not caused either of them to want to be better than they currently are.
Tyler has learned a few tidbits from therapy, it seems, and in small ways he tries to implement those things - concepts such it being OK/healthy to express one's feelings. That is a basic skill that children in healthy homes learn when they are young, when caregivers mirror the emotions back to the child and put words to them.
So that's good that Tyler is starting to learn how to do that. But he lacks the awareness of how "expressing one's feeling" needs to be put into a broader context - when, where, and how to express one's feelings. That is a level up from just "expressing one's feelings." Tyler isn't really there yet.
If he were in continual therapy, where he stuck with it, and kept working and working, over several years, he would progress up those levels. His therapist would help him learn about the context for expressing feelings, which includes considering how his expression of his emotions affects others.
But based on all the factors I mentioned above, Tyler has no conception of this. So he gets stuck at the "I can express my emotions" stage and posts bad poetry on Twitter and rants about Carly.
You can also see how these sorts of issues play out in the unskillful ways Tyler and Cate respond to Nova and her emotions. That is an example of the intergenerational patterns that happen in families. C&T are better than their parents in most ways, but there is still a lot of room for improvement.
We will never know what direction these two would have gone had MTV not come into their lives. They might have done better being pushed into adult responsibilities such as training/jobs/education, but that still wouldn't necessarily fix all of the unhealthy emotional and relationship issues they have.