Small Talk: The Polygamous Cul-de-Sac

[dreadfulLeigh]

On 7/12/2020 at 3:15 PM, DakotaJustice said:

I don't think i've ever taken the test before but it doesn't surprise me that I'm an Extrovert.  I'm one of those old ladies who talks to random people at Safeway in the checkout line, at least in the olden days when we had checkout lines!

 

I gotta come back to this again. I dropped my MIL of for a CT scan yesterday. Don’t you know it, she came back with her tech’s while story about the tech’s mother, her gallbladder and upcoming surgery. 😂 And my mil  started her story off with “she” as I’m looking like Brittney Spears all confused. She who??

[TurtlePower]

On 7/14/2020 at 11:20 PM, Yeah No said:

There are 2 ways to take the test. 

The easiest and cheapest way is to do it online for $49.99.  Here is the link to that page:

https://www.mbtionline.com/

This is the cheapest way to take the official test online without the evaluation of an approved administrator.  I think I remember that they give you some self-guidance in written form after you get your results to help you understand and interpret them, plus additional ways to learn more about your results if you fork over more cash.

The other way to do it online is to do it through the CAPT (The Center for Applications of Psychological Type).  They will let you take the same online test as above but also give you a full hour of actual evaluation of your results from a certified practitioner in administering the test.  It is kind of pricey though at $175.00

Here is the link to that page:

https://www.capt.org/take-mbti-assessment/mbti.htm

The only other way to take the official test is to do it under the supervision of an approved administrator like a life coach or therapist, or if you're in school, a guidance or career counselor.  Administrators have to be certified by the company that owns the test.  I never sought certification but I probably should have.  The first time I took the test was in grad. school when my professor in Counseling Psych. gave it to the whole class.  Another way to take it is if you work for a company that holds workshops that utilize the test.  My father took the test that way and came out an ESFJ.  Yep, that was my Dad.  My mother was an ENTJ.  You can already tell that this was a very interesting role-reversal relationship, LOL.  The ENTJ is often called "The Field Marshall", LOL.  My Dad had the quintessential personality type of a people-pleasing housewife.  Yeah, they had a very special relationship!  And lest it be lost on anyone, I was an introvert growing up with 2 extroverts in an 800 square foot apartment.  Let's just say I spent a lot of time alone in my room with the door closed!  On the other hand, my parents were a constant source of entertainment for me (God rest their souls).

As far as being on the spectrum goes, that depends on who you talk to.  A lot of type enthusiasts, including those on the spectrum, think that learning about their type is very beneficial to them.  It does look like most people on the spectrum score as introverts and a lot are either INTJ or ISTJ so there may be some overlap between type and those factors.  Do you score as an INxx type because you're on the spectrum or is it just that a lot of people that are introverts tend to be on the spectrum?  No one really knows.  Given that a lot of people on the spectrum do find the test helpful to them I don't think taking it can hurt.

That's my concern. I tend to be an introvert not because I want to be, but because the flow of conversation is overwhelming to me. The more people there are, the more overstimulated and unable to follow along I become. It's not that I don't want to be around people--I wish I could--but it's too much for my brain to process all at once. So, for this reason, I avoid people (which to me has a neurological reasons versus just a personality one). I tried socializing as a kidyoung adult with terrible results, I was seen as the "weirdo". 

Maybe I'm overthinking this? I'd still like to take the test anyways. 

[Yeah No]

36 minutes ago, TurtlePower said:

That's my concern. I tend to be an introvert not because I want to be, but because the flow of conversation is overwhelming to me. The more people there are, the more overstimulated and unable to follow along I become. It's not that I don't want to be around people--I wish I could--but it's too much for my brain to process all at once. So, for this reason, I avoid people (which to me has a neurological reasons versus just a personality one). I tried socializing as a kidyoung adult with terrible results, I was seen as the "weirdo". 

Maybe I'm overthinking this? I'd still like to take the test anyways. 

You sound like a lot of introverts I know, so I think you are one but being on the spectrum might be exacerbating the reaction a little.  Introverts do tend to feel that a lot of input is overstimulating and so they either remain on the sidelines or seek a less stimulating location.  We're more comfortable dealing with people one at a time or in small groups rather than in large, loud and noisy ones.  Doing otherwise can lead to some awkward interactions.  And even I often wish I could be different.  In the US, our society is in many ways more comfortable for extroverts so it's not uncommon for introverts to feel like the odd ones.  I remember reading something written by a type expert who said that the US is in spirit a very ESTP/ESTJ kind of place, so it's no wonder introverts, especially INFJs and INFPs feel like "weirdos".  Also, we're some of the rarest types out there (not on chat boards, though!), which only compounds it.  INFJs in particular are supposed to comprise only about 1% of the population.  Add that to our need to feel accepted as NF types (intuitive feelers) and it's no wonder we feel so "different".

Also, some introverts can also be shy and/or be highly sensitive, which is in addition to being an introvert.  There are actually shy extroverts out there if you can believe that so it's not something confused with type.  Anyone can be shy or have a lousy self image regardless of type (although it is more prevalent in some types than in others).  So there are other factors that could also be in play.  I think I tend to be highly sensitive in a lot of ways but I know a lot of introverts that are not.  Just more to think about.

Edited July 16, 2020 by Yeah No

[Scarlett45]

Hi everyone- I loved reading about your personality types. 
 

Im an ENTJ, so I bet you can imagine how I’m doing with physical distancing and work from home. I saw a wedding in a reality show with my Mom (She lives in my downstairs unit) and went “people....PARTIES!!!!! (Big longing sigh)

It is surprising to see that so many introverts are married/partnered. I love people and socializing but no way would I want someone to live in my home 24/7 and eat my food- that would be too much. My mom is getting on my nerves a little bit with quarantine and she’s down stairs- she also gave me life & is elderly so I’m a lot more forgiving. (I am KIDDING!)

[Ms.Lulu]

1 hour ago, Scarlett45 said:

 

It is surprising to see that so many introverts are married/partnered. I love people and socializing but no way would I want someone to live in my home 24/7 and eat my food- that would be too much. My mom is getting on my nerves a little bit with quarantine and she’s down stairs- she also gave me life & is elderly so I’m a lot more forgiving. (I am KIDDING!)

INTJs having a partner makes total sense.  You want one person.  And that person better be able to put up with the nonstop analysis of everything.  Except, when the INTJ makes a decision, it is done so please don't make the mistake of revisiting that decision. 

[suomi]

Did we hear that an average of 31% of children tested in Florida had positive results? One county had a 47% positivity rate. I read some national articles and a few local ones but didn't see any that broke it down by symptomatic vs asymptomatic. The state’s positivity rate for the entire population is about 11%. Doesn't inspire confidence in re-opening schools, does it?

These are Florida links, the first one has a chart that shows age groups: 

https://www.wfla.com/community/health/coronavirus/31-of-coronavirus-tests-in-florida-children-are-positive-data-shows/

https://www.sun-sentinel.com/coronavirus/fl-ne-pbc-health-director-covid-children-20200714-xcdall2tsrd4riim2nwokvmsxm-story.html

 

[lookeyloo]

On 7/14/2020 at 9:35 PM, Nysha said:

I took the Baron-Cohen test and got a score of 34! I have always had a very vivid imagination and I'm not observant enough to pick up small details. On the other hand, I can (and do) totally ignore anything outside my current bubble unless someone is directly interacting with me. Some of that may be learned behavior, though. Besides being an introvert and extremely shy I also have had substantial hearing loss at least since high school and didn't get hearing aids until I was 50. My granddaughter lost them last summer and I don't have an extra $4,500 laying around to get a new pair. Not to mention I haven't finished paying for the lost pair, yet. 

Oh dear!  I wonder if your hearing can be corrected with the ones Costco sells?  I paid $1799 for the pair and they will replace them if I lose them.  They are a name brand wearing the Kirkland label.  They have other options too.  These new ones are bluetooth and I love them.

[Meowwww]

Hi all!!
I hope everyone is well as can be.  You are all in my prayers. 💜

I just ordered a 6 pack of face shields on Amazon. I had a customer wearing one today and it reminded me to order these because as this virus gets worse, it would be nice to have them instead of scrambling.  Have any of you ordered or worn these?
It just seems like this virus is getting worse every day. 
At my work, we remain super busy. More people are wearing masks, maybe 50%.  The governor of Minnesota (my work state) is thinking about a mask mandate.  
Wisconsin, where I live, is still totally open and a free for all.  Yet my home county still only has 300 positives.  
Everyone is saying “when this virus is over”....but will it ever be over? 

[Ms.Lulu]

1 hour ago, Meowwww said:

Hi all!!
I hope everyone is well as can be.  You are all in my prayers. 💜

I just ordered a 6 pack of face shields on Amazon. I had a customer wearing one today and it reminded me to order these because as this virus gets worse, it would be nice to have them instead of scrambling.  Have any of you ordered or worn these?
It just seems like this virus is getting worse every day. 
At my work, we remain super busy. More people are wearing masks, maybe 50%.  The governor of Minnesota (my work state) is thinking about a mask mandate.  
Wisconsin, where I live, is still totally open and a free for all.  Yet my home county still only has 300 positives.  
Everyone is saying “when this virus is over”....but will it ever be over? 

Yes, I have some.  They are definitely better than masks.  I've heard that the masks protect others and the shield protects you.  So I am ready to wear both.

[crazycatlady58]

9 hours ago, PDXlulu said:

Yes, I have some.  They are definitely better than masks.  I've heard that the masks protect others and the shield protects you.  So I am ready to wear both.

I thought the shield just protected your eyes?

[Adiba]

1 hour ago, crazycatlady58 said:

I thought the shield just protected your eyes?

I think you are supposed to wear them with a mask

[Kohola3]

1 hour ago, Adiba said:

I think you are supposed to wear them with a mask

Correct. A mask should always be worn, a shield is an added layer of protection.

[Nysha]

On 7/17/2020 at 11:14 AM, lookeyloo said:

I paid $1799 for the pair and they will replace them if I lose them.  

Wow! That's less than the cost of one of my last pair. Do they sell those to non-members?

My boss picked up shields for us to wear at work instead of the masks. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be able to social distance much of the time and plan on using a mask whenever I can't. I'm not overjoyed about going back to work, since I work in a college tutoring lab and we normally have students from all over the world. Plus, a lot of college freshman and sophomores are just plain irresponsible b/c it's their first time away from all the rules at home and they don't know how to self-regulate yet. 

Again...we're all gonna die.

 

Edited July 18, 2020 by Nysha
Masks vs. face shields

[suomi]

@Nysha Non-members can go to Costco for optical exams, hearing screenings and prescriptions but you have to be a member to purchase hearing aids. Sometimes the membership is worth it depending on how much you save when buying something there. 

Edited July 18, 2020 by suomi
clarity

[lookeyloo]

39 minutes ago, suomi said:

@Nysha Non-members can go to Costco for optical exams, hearing screenings and prescriptions but you have to be a member to purchase hearing aids. Sometimes the membership is worth it depending on how much you save when buying something there. 

Membership is I think $55. So well worth it. And they service them too. Free. 

[Mittengirl]

I am a Costco member, but my mother is not.  Would I be able purchase hearing aids for her?  Because having to repeat myself multiple times is making me very stressed out.  Very. Stressed.   As in, I was disappointed that my dental checkup last Monday showed no problems, because I was looking forward to an hour or so of nitrous oxide.  I am not a drinker, but if there was a laughing gas bar nearby, I would be a regular customer.

[suomi]

20 minutes ago, Mittengirl said:

I am a Costco member, but my mother is not.  Would I be able purchase hearing aids for her?  

I'm pretty sure that because of Covid the current limit is one guest. As for any warranty issues on a purchase the member would have to handle that. Go to the Customer Service desk to get all of the correct details. 

Quote

Skip the Costco Membership and Still Get the Deals!

Costco lets members take up to two guests into the warehouse club.

Just be aware that if you’re the non-member going in with a friend, they’ll have to foot the bill and you’ll have to settle up with them after the trip.

Non-members can use Costco’s hearing and optical services for exams and screenings.

But if you need to buy glasses, contacts or hearing aids, you’re going to need a membership or a friend who can get you in the store to purchase what you need on your behalf.

In an era of skyrocketing prescription costs, Costco routinely has some of the lowest prices on medications.

Best of all, you don’t have to be a member to use the Costco pharmacy. Some locations even have a separate entrance for non-members that leads directly into the pharmacy. Call your local store to check before heading out.

https://clark.com/shopping-retail/warehouse-clubs/costo-shop-without-membership/

Edited July 18, 2020 by suomi

[athousandclowns]

On 7/12/2020 at 6:06 PM, dreadfulLeigh said:

Ooh, I want to play! I’m an INFP-T, which is pretty spot on. Only a mere 96% introversion—who, me? The person who literally runs away from people even when she wants to talk to them? Who’d a thought. 
 

So am I and since I had never heard of the 16 personality test and the first graph there wasn’t one marked as such thought I’d better check exactly what it meant. My first instinct was not only am I not invited to the party possibly I am really unstable. 
I watched a couple of the YouTube videos and feel better. 
 DREADFULlEIGH I scored very similar to you except the Nature mine was  alarming 

[dreadfulLeigh]

2 hours ago, athousandclowns said:

So am I and since I had never heard of the 16 personality test and the first graph there wasn’t one marked as such thought I’d better check exactly what it meant. My first instinct was not only am I not invited to the party possibly I am really unstable. 
I watched a couple of the YouTube videos and feel better. 
 DREADFULlEIGH I scored very similar to you except the Nature mine was  alarming 

I’m very 50/50 on Nature. Depending on the wording and my mood I’ll get either thinking or feeling, and they’ll be quite close in percentage. 

I might have been invited to the party but I probably didn’t process that was what they were saying because there was too much noise, too many people, and I wasn’t making eye contact because why would they be talking to me anyway 😂 .  Plus too many people at said party. But I sure wanted to want to go! In theory. 

[Ms.Lulu]

10 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

Correct. A mask should always be worn, a shield is an added layer of protection.

Yes, masks are the CDC recommendation.  Here are a few articles that discuss shields.

 

 

From the NYT

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/24/health/coronavirus-face-shields.html

Excerpt:

“I’m a huge fan of face shields,” said Saskia Popescu, a senior infection-prevention specialist at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va. “But I don’t think we can swap them out for face masks just yet.”

Dr. Perencevich and his colleagues expect that more research will show shields to be superior to cloth masks, not only because shields provide full face protection but as they are nearly impossible to wear incorrectly.

“Remember, effectiveness depends not only on the inherent properties of the facial covering but also how well the facial covering is worn,” he said.

And he and his co-authors like to imagine that people who are reluctant to wear masks will find face shields more comfortable: Once a person tries one on, they say, the wearer realizes its many benefits.

 

Here is an article by AARP on masks and shields

https://www.aarp.org/health/healthy-living/info-2020/shields-compared-to-masks.html

Excerpt:

Amesh Adalja, M.D., a pandemic preparedness expert at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security, says, “There's a lot of at least biological possibility to suspect that [shields] are definitely better than homemade face masks, and maybe even better than other types of masks as well, because they not only prevent you from spreading it … [and] because it also covers your eyes, it provides more protection to the mucus membranes of your face where you might be getting infected.” 

James Cherry, M.D., a distinguished research professor and infectious disease expert at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA, says that while experts aren't yet sure about how vulnerable our eyes are to infection from this coronavirus, “With many viruses, the eyes are important.” He points to measles and adenoviruses as examples of viruses that are known to infect people through their eyes.

So basically, I am hedging my bets and I have both.

 

[Gramto6]

I wear glasses fairly large frame, combined with a mask guess that is the best I can do.

[Yeah No]

26 minutes ago, Gramto6 said:

I wear glasses fairly large frame, combined with a mask guess that is the best I can do.

I've been wearing my light colored sunglasses even in stores along with the mask.  I have a face shield but I haven't worn it yet.  I am not getting close enough to anyone to warrant using it, but I keep it in my car just in case.

I am beginning to feel like I'm on a raft out in the ocean and that at any time it's going to be overrun by zombies and sink, taking us all down with them.  I got a glimpse of a map of the US, and it's only my little corner of the Northeast that is still not experiencing an increase in cases.  My friends and I are extremely livid at this situation and feel betrayed by all the selfish, ignorant people in other parts of the country.  I used to want to leave the Northeast for a warmer climate.  I am now rethinking that.  At least most people here have some kind of social conscience and for the most part have been doing their part to keep the numbers low.  I am now convinced that the states that now have high numbers will cause a second wave here in my area no matter what we do and that it is inevitable.  We are going to be their victims.  I am also convinced that if my husband and I get this illness either he or I (or both of us) will die.  I can honestly say that I don't think I have ever been as angry about any one issue as this one in my entire life, and that really says something.

[Yeah No]

In case anyone is wondering why I am the way I am about this virus, there are some good reasons.  I probably don't need to explain this to this audience because you of all people know my history with it.

I feel like I've been dodging bullets with this thing for almost 6 months.  My husband and I sat down and thought about it the other day.  If everything we did in February happened only a couple of weeks later, we probably would have gotten the virus.  My father was hospitalized in NYC then in a nursing home for rehab. in early - mid Feb. here in CT.  Given how many people ended up getting the virus at that very facility starting only a few weeks later, that was bullet number one (I still shudder to think of who might have died that I saw when he was there).  When we took him home we visited him in NYC every week for 3 weeks in a row, until the end of February.  We ate at the diner near his house.  We were at his apartment when all his nurses and aides came in.  If all of that happened only 2 weeks later, we probably would have gotten the virus.  It's only because I decided I was uncomfortable with going down there starting in early March that we didn't get it.  When I think about that, I get the chills.

Unfortunately my father didn't have a choice, and I knew that he was in danger.  I was telling him the whole time that his nurses should all be wearing masks and he said that they were, but he was obviously mistaken because I just found out last week from his good friend who used to come over to do his cleaning and laundry that not all of them were, particularly the nurse from the visiting nurse service.  This was news to me, but it explains how they acted at the agency when I frantically contacted them on the day that my father wasn't answering his phone.  The supervisor bent over backwards to help me by calling the EMTs and getting my father's friend to meet them at his place with the key to get in.  I even remember that the supervisor acted sort of sheepish and guilty - something I noticed but didn't understand completely at the time.  Of course, this was so early on that there was no mask order yet, not even close, but all the other therapists and aides were wearing them and I assumed from what my father told me that this nurse was too.  My father's friend said that this young woman disappeared in the final week or more, and she suspects that she got the virus and might have given it to my father.  I seem to remember now that in the final week before he got sick my father told me that this nurse had suddenly stopped coming and that they replaced her with another one.  So maybe my father's friend might be right about that.  We'll probably never know.  Of course, my father's friend is now feeling bad that she didn't say something to the nurse at the time.  I told her that I feel bad that I didn't call the nursing service myself to ask them if she was wearing a mask.  Of course, neither of us should be beating ourselves up over this.

Anyway, even more bullets were dodged in March and ONLY because I am a raging germaphobe with obviously more common sense than even the public figures that were in charge at the time. No one was wearing masks yet except some first responders and care givers, and the experts were already arguing about their effectiveness, but I was telling people they should be wearing them and being looked at like a crazy person in my supermarket for wearing one.  But I stopped going out altogether after the first week of March anyway and didn't go anywhere for over 2 months.

My husband realizes how many bullets he dodged in Feb. and March before the shutdown started since he was driving people from all the NY area airports, plus he drove his super rich client only DAYS before he contracted the virus.  

So I wonder just how many more bullets my husband and I can continue to dodge before the virus catches up to us, like it caught up to my father.  I feel like I'm already living on borrowed time with this thing as it is.

Sorry to be such a downer....

Edited July 19, 2020 by Yeah No

[TurtlePower]

8 hours ago, Yeah No said:

In case anyone is wondering why I am the way I am about this virus, there are some good reasons.  I probably don't need to explain this to this audience because you of all people know my history with it.

I feel like I've been dodging bullets with this thing for almost 6 months.  My husband and I sat down and thought about it the other day.  If everything we did in February happened only a couple of weeks later, we probably would have gotten the virus.  My father was hospitalized in NYC then in a nursing home for rehab. in early - mid Feb. here in CT.  Given how many people ended up getting the virus at that very facility starting only a few weeks later, that was bullet number one (I still shudder to think of who might have died that I saw when he was there).  When we took him home we visited him in NYC every week for 3 weeks in a row, until the end of February.  We ate at the diner near his house.  We were at his apartment when all his nurses and aides came in.  If all of that happened only 2 weeks later, we probably would have gotten the virus.  It's only because I decided I was uncomfortable with going down there starting in early March that we didn't get it.  When I think about that, I get the chills.

Unfortunately my father didn't have a choice, and I knew that he was in danger.  I was telling him the whole time that his nurses should all be wearing masks and he said that they were, but he was obviously mistaken because I just found out last week from his good friend who used to come over to do his cleaning and laundry that not all of them were, particularly the nurse from the visiting nurse service.  This was news to me, but it explains how they acted at the agency when I frantically contacted them on the day that my father wasn't answering his phone.  The supervisor bent over backwards to help me by calling the EMTs and getting my father's friend to meet them at his place with the key to get in.  I even remember that the supervisor acted sort of sheepish and guilty - something I noticed but didn't understand completely at the time.  Of course, this was so early on that there was no mask order yet, not even close, but all the other therapists and aides were wearing them and I assumed from what my father told me that this nurse was too.  My father's friend said that this young woman disappeared in the final week or more, and she suspects that she got the virus and might have given it to my father.  I seem to remember now that in the final week before he got sick my father told me that this nurse had suddenly stopped coming and that they replaced her with another one.  So maybe my father's friend might be right about that.  We'll probably never know.  Of course, my father's friend is now feeling bad that she didn't say something to the nurse at the time.  I told her that I feel bad that I didn't call the nursing service myself to ask them if she was wearing a mask.  Of course, neither of us should be beating ourselves up over this.

Anyway, even more bullets were dodged in March and ONLY because I am a raging germaphobe with obviously more common sense than even the public figures that were in charge at the time. No one was wearing masks yet except some first responders and care givers, and the experts were already arguing about their effectiveness, but I was telling people they should be wearing them and being looked at like a crazy person in my supermarket for wearing one.  But I stopped going out altogether after the first week of March anyway and didn't go anywhere for over 2 months.

My husband realizes how many bullets he dodged in Feb. and March before the shutdown started since he was driving people from all the NY area airports, plus he drove his super rich client only DAYS before he contracted the virus.  

So I wonder just how many more bullets my husband and I can continue to dodge before the virus catches up to us, like it caught up to my father.  I feel like I'm already living on borrowed time with this thing as it is.

Sorry to be such a downer....

Awww. I’m sorry, hugs. This whole thing is scary. It’s even more so when people don’t use the masks properly. 

I was at Albertsons yesterday and a man took his mask OFF to cough. Then he put it back on. People are so goddam stupid when it comes to the masks, they might as well not even wear them. No amount of education seems to change anything. Store employees wearing them around their chins,  touching their noses, touching peoples’ things, etc. Up to 70% of people are wearing them improperly and touching their faces MORE. 

When I wear mine, it stays in place, unless it’s 115 degrees out. I can’t believe the stupidity out there with mask wearing. Keep it on your face. If you touch your face, use hand sanitizer. 
 

Edited to add: I get that wearing them all day for employees is hard and they need a break. I really do. But I wish they’d sanitize their hands if they touch their faces before touching other things. 

Edited July 19, 2020 by TurtlePower

[suomi]

8 hours ago, Yeah No said:

... I just found out last week from his good friend who used to come over to do his cleaning and laundry that not all of them were [wearing masks], particularly the nurse from the visiting nurse service.  This was news to me, but it explains how they acted at the agency when I frantically contacted them on the day that my father wasn't answering his phone.  The supervisor bent over backwards to help me by calling the EMTs and getting my father's friend to meet them at his place with the key to get in.  I even remember that the supervisor acted sort of sheepish and guilty - something I noticed but didn't understand completely at the time. 

All of your posts about your dad tear at my heart. You have my deep sympathy. 

I apologize for the length here but awhile back when you were, in real time, describing how the supervisor at your dad's agency was behaving I said to myself "That woman knows exactly what happened and the role her employee played in the outcome." A somewhat similar thing happened when my 93-year-old father died after a fall with injuries and I witnessed how they circle the wagons during and after the fact. They got away with it in our case and I was an "insider."

I hope you don't blame yourself for not knowing what you couldn't know. 

When I was within three years of retirement I quit my CNA job with a hospice agency so I could care for my dad in my home. His Parkinson's and associated dementia were rapidly advancing after years of being manageable and I wanted to be sure he had the care he deserved and needed.

Two years and two months into that he fell when his feet tangled while he was doing laps with his walker in the living room. Due to advanced age and underlying conditions nothing could be done for his broken hip and collarbone.

The protocol was that home hospice fall-with-injury patients remained at home and received appropriate comfort care. But... his case manager (who I worked alongside for 11 years) insisted that he be transferred from the ER to a skilled nursing facility "until his pain med dosage is stabilized, probably 12-24 hours."

Medicare covers a few days per year in a facility to provide respite for caregivers and on the second day of my objections to her original plan she said this would also be my annual respite. I objected because I wanted him at home ASAP and full-time respite was right around the corner anyway but she continued to insist. At the time my inner voice wondered which paid more - respite or injury aftercare. Now I'm guessing respite, since she insisted on it. 

While he was away for what ended up being 3 days I deep-cleaned his room and rearranged the furniture so that no lights could disturb him while he was confined to bed. I also care for my developmentally delayed sister and we were told not to visit him and to devote our time off to self-care. We got haircuts and went to dinner and a movie, and we worried about Dad. A little after sunrise on the day I was expecting him home via ambulance I got a phone call telling me that he had been "discovered" at shift change and no one could say when he died. 

Ironically, the nurse who called to inform had been my trainer during my first week with the agency 13 years earlier and he was fairly off-hand about the news he was relaying. I had always admired him and his casual manner felt like a betrayal. Fuck off, Jason! I guess I could have asked about rigor but decided not to go there. I think I didn't want to know how long he remained undiscovered. 

As I soon learned - thanks to a wonderful, wonderful former co-worker who cried while she stepped up to tell me what she read in his chart - my dad had been entirely neglected for a 12-hour period leading up to the "discovery." So, an entire shift. She had been assigned to my dad for 2 years while he was in my home but when he was admitted his cares transferred to facility staff.

Also ironically, I requested his case manager when he enrolled in hospice because I had respected her work for 11 years. 

No anxiety or pain meds, no oral care (lip balm, moistening his tongue and inner cheeks with glycerin swabs), no skin care, no peri care (changing wet/soiled briefs), no comforting voice or touch, nothing. There was not a single chart entry during those 12 hours and the absolute first thing every healthcare worker learns is "If it isn't charted, it didn't happen."

If you provide or perform but don't chart then legally and ethically you didn't provide or perform. There is no way in hell that everyone who provided cares during that 12 hours "forgot" to chart. 

My dad's case manager did not visit him for 12 hours and therefore did not know that no one else laid eyes on him for 12 hours as he lay dying, alone. As I later discovered... the hospice agency (my former employer) had recently purchased that skilled nursing facility. I didn't know that because I no longer worked for the agency and no one thought to tell me even though I was still in the loop and the purchase wasn't a secret. Imagine that. 

THAT is why his case manager admitted him there and insisted on a respite stay, because it was the last time Medicare could be asked to authorize and pay for a stay in his name. It was the final opportunity to pick some meat from his bones. Conflict Of Interest. He could have died at home with my sister and me at his bedside. 

Every hospice patient is issued something called an E-kit (E for Emergency) which contains the medications used to ease the dying process. If the patient lives at home and the family is considered trustworthy the E-kit stays in the home, in the frig. One of the first things a nurse does after a death is to take possession of that kit and destroy the contents in front of a witness. The contents of my dad's kit that I can remember were Morphine, Fentanyl, Haldol, and Lorazepam and none of it had ever been used. 

The case manager didn't come for his kit, and didn't come and didn't come. I hadn't spoken with her since the day after he died so - after what I had learned since then - I was looking forward to her ringing my doorbell, right? After 2 months (!) I called her and said "Hey, Diane, did you forget about my dad's kit? It's still here in the frig. Also, I did sorta wonder why I saw so many _ _ _ _ employees when my dad was admitted to _ _ _ _  but the connection never occurred to me. When were you planning on mentioning that _ _ _ _  had purchased that nursing facility?" About 30 seconds of crickets were followed by "It's good to hear your voice, I will see you tomorrow or I will send someone."

I said "Do not send someone else, you owe me that much at least." Part of me thought she would bring someone with her and part of me thought no, she won't want a witness to what I might say. Also, she had to know I was onto her about the kit and that if I reported it she would have to answer for why the kit remained behind for so long. 

She retired after 30 years as an ER nurse in our local hospital and then was hired by the hospice agency. I hadn't ever seen her nervous or unsure but that described her when I answered the door the next day. I said "I have never in my life been as disappointed and heartbroken and angry as I am now because of your inaction and neglect and you know exactly what I'm talking about. All those hours, all those days and nights I spent at actively dying bedsides over the years and MY father when his time came was treated like THIS? I do not trust myself to say anything more about it at this time."

Whether authentic or not her eyes welled up and she started to say something and I gave her the 'Talk to the hand' and said "Spare me your meaningless words and tears. Save them for the next patient and family you shortchange." I didn't raise my voice or act in a threatening manner, I was entirely calm and ice cold. She started to walk out with the kit and I said "Aren't you going to destroy it? I will be your witness."

Something about the way she tried to walk off with it told me that she had no intention of destroying it - because surely she had long ago logged it as destroyed to satisfy the patient record - and a few occasions in the past when she was unavailable but shouldn't have been and had weak excuses afterward went through my mind. Context. Hmmm. I watched her destroy the contents and then she left as I quietly closed the door behind her. (My sister had asked earlier if she could say "Bitch" and I said no, you may not. LOL). 

I didn't pursue anything officially (and I regret not summoning the energy and courage) because this is a small town with a very small healthcare community. And I was sick at heart, and exhausted. I would have had to explain how I knew about the 12-hour gap in his chart and I couldn't do that to the co-worker who informed me, who is a gem.

My dad always ate 3 squares and 2 snacks a day and during his last 4 years his weight gradually dropped from 170 to 115, even with nutritional supplements. A family friend who visited him in the facility told me later that there was a full breakfast tray at bedside and some of the portions were missing, and that she fished a visible hunk of biscuit from the back of his throat and then his breathing sounded better. The deal there is, his admitting orders directed NPO (Nothing By Mouth). Nothing. Not even water let alone scrambled egg, sausage and biscuit along with beverages. 

I would have pursued at least that aspect if I had known about it at the time because that friend would have gladly stepped forward but nearly a year had elapsed when she mentioned it, and by then she was 90 miles away at her son's house confined on home care following a stroke. In hindsight I realized that pursuing it, however much later, would have opened an inquiry into his stay and his chart would have been examined. In much later hindsight, I realized that I could have used my Power of Attorney to request a copy of his chart but I was overwhelmed emotionally by the entire ordeal and not thinking clearly. 

In the 6 years since my dad's death I have seen that nurse twice. Once, in a grocery store I noticed that someone lingering in my peripheral vision suddenly was fast-walking away. I looked over and caught a glimpse of her back. Another time at the same store I saw her first and sidled up to her at the meat case. I said "Hello, Diane" in a quiet voice and she hadn't noticed me and fumbled not to drop what she was holding while she watched the back of me walking away. Pffftt. 

My much-belated takeaways are: Advocate for your loved ones and advocate for yourself because perhaps no one else will. Trust no one. Some will circle the wagons against your valid perceptions and gaslight you if given the chance. Living with the alternative when you do not advocate, for whatever reasons, is a heavy burden. 

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, suomi said:

All of your posts about your dad tear at my heart. You have my deep sympathy. 

I apologize for the length here but awhile back when you were, in real time, describing how the supervisor at your dad's agency was behaving I said to myself "That woman knows exactly what happened and the role her employee played in the outcome." A somewhat similar thing happened when my 93-year-old father died after a fall with injuries and I witnessed how they circle the wagons during and after the fact. They got away with it in our case and I was an "insider."

I hope you don't blame yourself for not knowing what you couldn't know. 

When I was within three years of retirement I quit my CNA job with a hospice agency so I could care for my dad in my home. His Parkinson's and associated dementia were rapidly advancing after years of being manageable and I wanted to be sure he had the care he deserved and needed.

Two years and two months into that he fell when his feet tangled while he was doing laps with his walker in the living room. Due to advanced age and underlying conditions nothing could be done for his broken hip and collarbone.

The protocol was that home hospice fall-with-injury patients remained at home and received appropriate comfort care. But... his case manager (who I worked alongside for 11 years) insisted that he be transferred from the ER to a skilled nursing facility "until his pain med dosage is stabilized, probably 12-24 hours."

Medicare covers a few days per year in a facility to provide respite for caregivers and on the second day of my objections to her original plan she said this would also be my annual respite. I objected because I wanted him at home ASAP and full-time respite was right around the corner anyway but she continued to insist. At the time my inner voice wondered which paid more - respite or injury aftercare. Now I'm guessing respite, since she insisted on it. 

While he was away for what ended up being 3 days I deep-cleaned his room and rearranged the furniture so that no lights could disturb him while he was confined to bed. I also care for my developmentally delayed sister and we were told not to visit him and to devote our time off to self-care. We got haircuts and went to dinner and a movie, and we worried about Dad. A little after sunrise on the day I was expecting him home via ambulance I got a phone call telling me that he had been "discovered" at shift change and no one could say when he died. 

Ironically, the nurse who called to inform had been my trainer during my first week with the agency 13 years earlier and he was fairly off-hand about the news he was relaying. I had always admired him and his casual manner felt like a betrayal. Fuck off, Jason! I guess I could have asked about rigor but decided not to go there. I think I didn't want to know how long he remained undiscovered. 

As I soon learned - thanks to a wonderful, wonderful former co-worker who cried while she stepped up to tell me what she read in his chart - my dad had been entirely neglected for a 12-hour period leading up to the "discovery." So, an entire shift. She had been assigned to my dad for 2 years while he was in my home but when he was admitted his cares transferred to facility staff.

Also ironically, I requested his case manager when he enrolled in hospice because I had respected her work for 11 years. 

No anxiety or pain meds, no oral care (lip balm, moistening his tongue and inner cheeks with glycerin swabs), no skin care, no peri care (changing wet/soiled briefs), no comforting voice or touch, nothing. There was not a single chart entry during those 12 hours and the absolute first thing every healthcare worker learns is "If it isn't charted, it didn't happen."

If you provide or perform but don't chart then legally and ethically you didn't provide or perform. There is no way in hell that everyone who provided cares during that 12 hours "forgot" to chart. 

My dad's case manager did not visit him for 12 hours and therefore did not know that no one else laid eyes on him for 12 hours as he lay dying, alone. As I later discovered... the hospice agency (my former employer) had recently purchased that skilled nursing facility. I didn't know that because I no longer worked for the agency and no one thought to tell me even though I was still in the loop and the purchase wasn't a secret. Imagine that. 

THAT is why his case manager admitted him there and insisted on a respite stay, because it was the last time Medicare could be asked to authorize and pay for a stay in his name. It was the final opportunity to pick some meat from his bones. Conflict Of Interest. He could have died at home with my sister and me at his bedside. 

Every hospice patient is issued something called an E-kit (E for Emergency) which contains the medications used to ease the dying process. If the patient lives at home and the family is considered trustworthy the E-kit stays in the home, in the frig. One of the first things a nurse does after a death is to take possession of that kit and destroy the contents in front of a witness. The contents of my dad's kit that I can remember were Morphine, Fentanyl, Haldol, and Lorazepam and none of it had ever been used. 

The case manager didn't come for his kit, and didn't come and didn't come. I hadn't spoken with her since the day after he died so - after what I had learned since then - I was looking forward to her ringing my doorbell, right? After 2 months (!) I called her and said "Hey, Diane, did you forget about my dad's kit? It's still here in the frig. Also, I did sorta wonder why I saw so many _ _ _ _ employees when my dad was admitted to _ _ _ _  but the connection never occurred to me. When were you planning on mentioning that _ _ _ _  had purchased that nursing facility?" About 30 seconds of crickets were followed by "It's good to hear your voice, I will see you tomorrow or I will send someone."

I said "Do not send someone else, you owe me that much at least." Part of me thought she would bring someone with her and part of me thought no, she won't want a witness to what I might say. Also, she had to know I was onto her about the kit and that if I reported it she would have to answer for why the kit remained behind for so long. 

She retired after 30 years as an ER nurse in our local hospital and then was hired by the hospice agency. I hadn't ever seen her nervous or unsure but that described her when I answered the door the next day. I said "I have never in my life been as disappointed and heartbroken and angry as I am now because of your inaction and neglect and you know exactly what I'm talking about. All those hours, all those days and nights I spent at actively dying bedsides over the years and MY father when his time came was treated like THIS? I do not trust myself to say anything more about it at this time."

Whether authentic or not her eyes welled up and she started to say something and I gave her the 'Talk to the hand' and said "Spare me your meaningless words and tears. Save them for the next patient and family you shortchange." I didn't raise my voice or act in a threatening manner, I was entirely calm and ice cold. She started to walk out with the kit and I said "Aren't you going to destroy it? I will be your witness."

Something about the way she tried to walk off with it told me that she had no intention of destroying it - because surely she had long ago logged it as destroyed to satisfy the patient record - and a few occasions in the past when she was unavailable but shouldn't have been and had weak excuses afterward went through my mind. Context. Hmmm. I watched her destroy the contents and then she left as I quietly closed the door behind her. (My sister had asked earlier if she could say "Bitch" and I said no, you may not. LOL). 

I didn't pursue anything officially (and I regret not summoning the energy and courage) because this is a small town with a very small healthcare community. And I was sick at heart, and exhausted. I would have had to explain how I knew about the 12-hour gap in his chart and I couldn't do that to the co-worker who informed me, who is a gem.

My dad always ate 3 squares and 2 snacks a day and during his last 4 years his weight gradually dropped from 170 to 115, even with nutritional supplements. A family friend who visited him in the facility told me later that there was a full breakfast tray at bedside and some of the portions were missing, and that she fished a visible hunk of biscuit from the back of his throat and then his breathing sounded better. The deal there is, his admitting orders directed NPO (Nothing By Mouth). Nothing. Not even water let alone scrambled egg, sausage and biscuit along with beverages. 

I would have pursued at least that aspect if I had known about it at the time because that friend would have gladly stepped forward but nearly a year had elapsed when she mentioned it, and by then she was 90 miles away at her son's house confined on home care following a stroke. In hindsight I realized that pursuing it, however much later, would have opened an inquiry into his stay and his chart would have been examined. In much later hindsight, I realized that I could have used my Power of Attorney to request a copy of his chart but I was overwhelmed emotionally by the entire ordeal and not thinking clearly. 

In the 6 years since my dad's death I have seen that nurse twice. Once, in a grocery store I noticed that someone lingering in my peripheral vision suddenly was fast-walking away. I looked over and caught a glimpse of her back. Another time at the same store I saw her first and sidled up to her at the meat case. I said "Hello, Diane" in a quiet voice and she hadn't noticed me and fumbled not to drop what she was holding while she watched the back of me walking away. Pffftt. 

My much-belated takeaways are: Advocate for your loved ones and advocate for yourself because perhaps no one else will. Trust no one. Some will circle the wagons against your valid perceptions and gaslight you if given the chance. Living with the alternative when you do not advocate, for whatever reasons, is a heavy burden. 

@suomi, many hugs, my heart just broke reading this.  How unimaginably horrible.....😪

I will say this - I probably would have done just as you have in your situation.

When I told my lawyer and good friend my story he told me I should contact that visiting nurse supervisor again and tell her what my father's friend told me to see how she would react, and then insinuate that they owe me something or else I might sue them - not that I would.

I thanked him, but told him he was thinking like a lawyer again and that most people in my situation would not do that.  Besides, what would I really gain from it?  At that time there was no order in place to wear masks or any PPE at all, so there really wasn't anything solid I could accuse them of anyway.  The supervisor would have had all this time to think up a great excuse or some explanation to get out of taking any responsibility, so I probably wouldn't get that far.  They have the excuse that no one at that time knew how to handle the situation.  I am looking at it now as one big tragedy.  New York was the place where we had to learn the hard way.  Of course even though we did learn the hard way there are people in other parts of the country that still refuse to listen, but that's another story.

Now in your case, this was more than just a big tragedy and you can clearly see the neglect involved.  Speaking of that lawyer friend, his own father, who was 90 at the time, was neglected in a similar facility for one entire shift - Fortunately he was only a little dehydrated, but the point is that this kind of stuff seems to happen more often than it should.  I don't remember if he did anything about that.  He might have threatened something and gotten some kind of recompense.

I will say this - If I were you I might have talked to a lawyer about your situation just to see what their take on it would be.  There might have been ways to protect your friend by finding another way you could have learned the information.  But I fully understand why you didn't go that route anyway.

My heart goes out to you!!

[Kohola3]

1 hour ago, Yeah No said:

My heart goes out to you!!

So incredibly sad to hear these things from my virtual family. I send heartfelt sympathies to all.  I know how lucky I am that this has not (yet) touched me personally.

[Yeah No]

6 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

So incredibly sad to hear these things from my virtual family. I send heartfelt sympathies to all.  I know how lucky I am that this has not (yet) touched me personally.

Thank you!  To make matters even worse, our central AC unit bit the dust today.  It just blew up and the repair guy says there's no fixing it, we need a replacement.  And we had 96 degree heat today.  It's not much better tonight.  I'm sitting here with a fan on me and my professional grade ice pack around my neck and I STILL feel like I'm overheating.  Not looking forward to waking up a sweaty mess with a stiff neck from the fan.  That is, if I can even GET to sleep.  Hubbie went to sleep in the other bedroom because I just couldn't take being near him - he's like a stove.  On top of all this, this is the 3rd year we've had a major home repair/replacement.  We had a major well issue 2 years ago, then last year we had to replace our oil furnace, and now this.  We've already spent $10,000 and this will likely be at least another 5 or 6 because it's so insanely expensive in this area.  Of course now, when we can LEAST afford it.  I would have bought a freestanding room air conditioner just to carry us through this until the new one is installed, but they cost around $300-400.  I might do it anyway because I might need it in my father's apartment - his 2nd air conditioner bit the dust and I was going to replace it this year before all this happened.  If I could bring the freestanding unit with me that would help.  I really don't know what to do at this point.  We're having another company come tomorrow to give us an estimate on a new central air unit.

I don't know about you ladies, but post-menopause I don't handle this kind of heat well at all anymore.  My husband is actually having an easier time of it and he used to be the hot person.

[laurakaye]

On 7/13/2020 at 12:04 PM, Twopper said:

Well, I am sw of Hotlanta with a second home in Florida, and as soon as GA and FL 'opened' there was a sudden rush of cars from the midwest ---I am looking mostly at Michigan--- and NY.   I don't recall ever seeing as many out of state plates before.   We still won't dine inside a restaurant, are continuing to attend Mass online, are wearing masks inside stores,  and are still trying to avoid as many people as possible.

On behalf of Michigan, I apologize.  We do have a tendency to descend en masse to Florida in spring because at that point we are usually desperate for vitamin D.  I myself was in St. Augustine the week before the pandemic caused things to start slamming shut.  Had I known what was coming, I wouldn't have gone.  I can recall seeing a handful of people in the Orlando airport on March 5 wearing masks, and I remember thinking how out of place they looked.  Fast-forward to one week later and I can no longer buy toilet paper, bread, or cleaning supplies, Michigan closed all its schools, and the truth of what we were about to deal with became very clear.

 

On 7/16/2020 at 5:38 PM, Scarlett45 said:

Im an ENTJ, so I bet you can imagine how I’m doing with physical distancing and work from home. I saw a wedding in a reality show with my Mom (She lives in my downstairs unit) and went “people....PARTIES!!!!! (Big longing sigh)

And this just fascinates me (INFJ) because I cannot imagine how parties can be a way to re-charge!  While I don't shun parties, they exhaust me and for whatever reason I need a lot of mental prep time beforehand if I'm going somewhere with a lot of people.  Small talk for me is THE.  WORST.  Give me one or two people I know well, plop me in the corner with a beverage, and I'm fine.  Mingling with strangers and chatting? Hard pass!     

[laurakaye]

12 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I don't know about you ladies, but post-menopause I don't handle this kind of heat well at all anymore.  My husband is actually having an easier time of it and he used to be the hot person.

I have a fan on my bedroom floor that blows on me every night, all year long.  I have a fan in my living room that blows on me while I have coffee in the morning before work.  I move that same fan to the kitchen when I'm cooking.  I also have a small fan on my bathroom floor that blows on me while I'm drying my hair.  And I have a fan that blows cool air from the den into my 3-season porch so I can tolerate sitting out there when it's 90 degrees.  That makes...four fans.  OH also my bedroom ceiling fan that my husband makes me turn down because he's cold, and that I sometimes turn back up after he falls asleep.  So five.  I think that's it.

TL;DR - I feel you on the post-menopause heat intolerance, LOL.

[toodles]

Good morning, my SW snarking friends.  I rarely post in this thread but I have something difficult to share.  

I have pancreatic cancer.  I was diagnosed at the beginning of June.  I had my first chemo treatment last week and I have chemo once a week.  So far, it hasn't been too bad.  I'm not in too much pain and really no side effects so I'm counting my blessings.  My tumor is tiny and the cancer hasn't spread.  

The hospital where I received my initial diagnosis is the same one where Truely had her kidney treatment when she was so ill.

So having said all that, I have one request.  I kindly and respectfully request that you don't send any advice, suggestions or stories of someone/anyone that had cancer.  I don't want to know what Dr. Google thinks.  I'm on information overload and the only information I want is what my health care providers give me.  And I certainly don't want to hear any Rock Star Janelle suggestions, lol.

So that's it.  I'm taking it one day at time and I know I'm on the road to recovery.  Thank you for listening.

 

 

 

 

[Scarlett45]

8 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

And this just fascinates me (INFJ) because I cannot imagine how parties can be a way to re-charge!  While I don't shun parties, they exhaust me and for whatever reason I need a lot of mental prep time beforehand if I'm going somewhere with a lot of people.  Small talk for me is THE.  WORST.  Give me one or two people I know well, plop me in the corner with a beverage, and I'm fine.  Mingling with strangers and chatting? Hard pass! 

I’m the person you can put at the door of a party and can talk to anyone and make them feel welcome. I’m also fine going to a large event, not knowing anyone and I will find lots of people to talk to. I’m a huge chatter box (hence why I like sites like this). 
 

Im grieving the loss of a traditional Halloween party, but I’ll be celebrating in other ways (decor, movie marathons and the like). 

[LilWharveyGal]

My most sincere prayers are with you and your care team, @toodles.

...but I think you're missing out by ignoring Janelle's Rock Star turmeric, molasses, bacon bits, and two-week-old-slimy-kale smoothie recipe. 😉

[MargeGunderson]

@toodles, my most sincere wishes for your recovery. 

[Rabbit Hutch]

52 minutes ago, toodles said:

Good morning, my SW snarking friends.  I rarely post in this thread but I have something difficult to share.  

I have pancreatic cancer.  I was diagnosed at the beginning of June.  I had my first chemo treatment last week and I have chemo once a week.  So far, it hasn't been too bad.  I'm not in too much pain and really no side effects so I'm counting my blessings.  My tumor is tiny and the cancer hasn't spread.  

The hospital where I received my initial diagnosis is the same one where Truely had her kidney treatment when she was so ill.

So having said all that, I have one request.  I kindly and respectfully request that you don't send any advice, suggestions or stories of someone/anyone that had cancer.  I don't want to know what Dr. Google thinks.  I'm on information overload and the only information I want is what my health care providers give me.  And I certainly don't want to hear any Rock Star Janelle suggestions, lol.

So that's it.  I'm taking it one day at time and I know I'm on the road to recovery.  Thank you for listening.

 

 

 

 

Love ya, Toodles. 😘

I'm agnostic but I'll be sending you my warmest vibes to help you through this difficult situation.  Stick with us, kid, and we'll give you a respite from all you're going through with our snarky-snark on the Brown Clowns.  🙄😁

[lookeyloo]

1 hour ago, toodles said:

Good morning, my SW snarking friends.  I rarely post in this thread but I have something difficult to share.  

I have pancreatic cancer.  I was diagnosed at the beginning of June.  I had my first chemo treatment last week and I have chemo once a week.  So far, it hasn't been too bad.  I'm not in too much pain and really no side effects so I'm counting my blessings.  My tumor is tiny and the cancer hasn't spread.  

The hospital where I received my initial diagnosis is the same one where Truely had her kidney treatment when she was so ill.

So having said all that, I have one request.  I kindly and respectfully request that you don't send any advice, suggestions or stories of someone/anyone that had cancer.  I don't want to know what Dr. Google thinks.  I'm on information overload and the only information I want is what my health care providers give me.  And I certainly don't want to hear any Rock Star Janelle suggestions, lol.

So that's it.  I'm taking it one day at time and I know I'm on the road to recovery.  Thank you for listening.

 

 

 

 

@toodles - I am so sorry to hear.  I don't know if I posted about my sick son on this forum- I have on the Duggars small talk.  I totally understand your feelings.  And I agree with you on Dr. Google and everything else, being in a similar but different position.  Sending hugs and only positive thoughts.

[crazycatlady58]

1 hour ago, toodles said:

Good morning, my SW snarking friends.  I rarely post in this thread but I have something difficult to share.  

I have pancreatic cancer.  I was diagnosed at the beginning of June.  I had my first chemo treatment last week and I have chemo once a week.  So far, it hasn't been too bad.  I'm not in too much pain and really no side effects so I'm counting my blessings.  My tumor is tiny and the cancer hasn't spread.  

The hospital where I received my initial diagnosis is the same one where Truely had her kidney treatment when she was so ill.

So having said all that, I have one request.  I kindly and respectfully request that you don't send any advice, suggestions or stories of someone/anyone that had cancer.  I don't want to know what Dr. Google thinks.  I'm on information overload and the only information I want is what my health care providers give me.  And I certainly don't want to hear any Rock Star Janelle suggestions, lol.

So that's it.  I'm taking it one day at time and I know I'm on the road to recovery.  Thank you for listening.

 

 

 

 

Hugs.

[TurtlePower]

2 hours ago, toodles said:

Good morning, my SW snarking friends.  I rarely post in this thread but I have something difficult to share.  

I have pancreatic cancer.  I was diagnosed at the beginning of June.  I had my first chemo treatment last week and I have chemo once a week.  So far, it hasn't been too bad.  I'm not in too much pain and really no side effects so I'm counting my blessings.  My tumor is tiny and the cancer hasn't spread.  

The hospital where I received my initial diagnosis is the same one where Truely had her kidney treatment when she was so ill.

So having said all that, I have one request.  I kindly and respectfully request that you don't send any advice, suggestions or stories of someone/anyone that had cancer.  I don't want to know what Dr. Google thinks.  I'm on information overload and the only information I want is what my health care providers give me.  And I certainly don't want to hear any Rock Star Janelle suggestions, lol.

So that's it.  I'm taking it one day at time and I know I'm on the road to recovery.  Thank you for listening.

 

 

 

 

😢Sending lots of hugs. Can't imagine how scary it must be. 

[Kyanight]

Toodles - we are here for whenever you feel like talking or you need a virtual hug!!!

[GrannySmith]

Good luck Toodles. 

[DakotaJustice]

prayers sent your way @toodles! But I had to giggle when you mentioned SriFe with Janelle. 

[laurakaye]

Thinking of you, @toodles!  Please keep us posted!

If I'm having a rough day, no lie - I sometimes go back to a certain episode thread and re-read it from start to finish.  Usually I end up laughing out loud several times.  The snark here is a great way to disconnect and recharge, IMO.  Some of these threads are pure gold. 🙂

[xwordfanatik]

@toodles, you are a favorite of mine here, and I send you love & best wishes.  Prayers and hugs too.  Your fellow snarkers are here for you.

[Scarlett45]

@toodles just sending you hugs. I love your avatar. 

[toodles]

1 hour ago, Kyanight said:

Toodles - we are here for whenever you feel like talking or you need a virtual hug!!!

Always💖

[Teafortwo]

5 hours ago, toodles said:

Good morning, my SW snarking friends.  I rarely post in this thread but I have something difficult to share.  

I have pancreatic cancer.  I was diagnosed at the beginning of June.  I had my first chemo treatment last week and I have chemo once a week.  So far, it hasn't been too bad.  I'm not in too much pain and really no side effects so I'm counting my blessings.  My tumor is tiny and the cancer hasn't spread.  

The hospital where I received my initial diagnosis is the same one where Truely had her kidney treatment when she was so ill.

So having said all that, I have one request.  I kindly and respectfully request that you don't send any advice, suggestions or stories of someone/anyone that had cancer.  I don't want to know what Dr. Google thinks.  I'm on information overload and the only information I want is what my health care providers give me.  And I certainly don't want to hear any Rock Star Janelle suggestions, lol.

So that's it.  I'm taking it one day at time and I know I'm on the road to recovery.  Thank you for listening.

 

 

 

 

toodles, my heart goes out to you and I send my best thoughts and wishes. I completely understand and respect your request for no input/information. Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers. ❤️

[Gramto6]

((((@toodles))))  You are in my thoughts and prayers. Best wishes for a full recovery. Hugs too.

[ginger90]

@toodles wishing nothing but the best for you.

[Meowwww]

@toodles hugs and prayers and love. 💜💜💜

[Yeah No]

@toodles, you have my best wishes but it's going to be hard for me not to discuss my brother in law (my SIL's husband) who is in the exact situation you are.  I hope you don't mind if I share with the group that his doctors are very optimistic about his outlook.  I think I had already mentioned him here so I just wanted to follow up.  You are both in my prayers.

I have been through hell in the past day and a half.  We' had an estimate on rebuilding our AC unit but there's no guarantee that any of that will work especially because of the age of the unit.  Now they're sending someone tomorrow to do an estimate on an entire new system.  I am still dripping wet even though we bought one of those standing roll around AC units for the bedroom.  It is a national brand with a good review but so far it isn't cooling the way it should in a room this size.  Also we can't use it in our living area because it needs to vent out of a window but the attachment for the hose only works on a slide up/down window and we have either a French door or crank windows in the living area.  I can't tell you how being this hot and uncomfortable can turn you into a sub-human creature completely unable to cope with life.  I can't even cope with cooking or cleaning.  Suddenly the place looks a mess and it's driving me insane.  I am chain drinking ice water and vitamin water, plus putting on the ice pack at regular intervals.  I don't need this right now.  🙁

On a happier note (if you can call it that), the realtor is going to look at my father's apartment tomorrow.  I hope he isn't shocked by what he sees.....