Season 3 Discussion

[cooksdelight]

We're getting into dead horse territory, which has nothing to do with the episode.

[DangerousMinds]

I am not "getting" it .....

 

I thought this was a show about love...are we supposed to sponsor everyone in a "bad situation" in a poor country just so they can better themselves?

 

I think Mo and Nikki should be deported, I am on fence about Dewar

 

I felt most of the couples on all seasons were in it for love...sometimes mixed with a bit of "want to settle down"...and "want family" and yeah a little "want better life" but not much

 

I don't worry about what gold diggers want...I am pizzed if my country allows this

Agree! There are so many people hoping to move to the US who have been going through the proper channels and have been waiting for years. They didn't play this game. 

[Danag]

I feel badly for Nikki and Aleks. Those two girls are too young to be married. They haven't experienced life. I won't be surprised if we see divorces within 2 years.

 

Aleks  thought that she was too young to get married. Somehow I think she'll wake up from the Mormon clutches....it's just a matter of time.

 

I think that Nikki is in a desperate situation. She already invested several months with this creep. IMO, Mark is an emotional abuser. He cares about HIS needs to be met, on his terms, and on his schedule. He is trying to have Nikki pay for what happened with his EX. My suspicion is that he treated his Ex the same way and she had no recourse, but to leave him, because we know the house was HIS. She was probably a stay at home mom with no income. Abusers go hot and cold, and that would explain giving her a the red car one day, and controlling her the next...Can't change the stripes on a Zebra (Mark).

 

He is breaking Nikki's spirit. I hope she can hang in there, until she can leave and have a decent life. God knows she's paying for it. You never know, an opportunity can come of being on TLC TV.

As for signing the prenup....it looked to me as though it was signed under duress. He threatened to send her back. It's blackmail. She's completely dependent on him, she cannot work, drive, or anything until this K-1 Visa time passes. The douche knows this and he's taking advantage of timing.

I got news for him. It's only a matter of time that Nikki will find the strength, rebel and leave him. Just like his EX... 

[AussieBabe]

I'm not siding with either side. At any rate, the young lady was 16 when they first met. IMO, that makes him no better than a paedo who grooms their victims. There's a definite imbalance of power. Whether it's a business arrangement, true love, or just tolerance, respect is absent. The whole bridal store scene almost seemed like an attempt to embarrass her and remind her that he has the power and the money. The same with the prenup. We have pre and post nuptial agreements, and they are fair to both sides. I can't imagine my husband saying, "All the property is mine. These are my cars. If I die or if we divorce, you'll be penniless and homeless." My neighbour was engaged to a younger woman, and he had a heart attack and passed. From what I've heard, he didn't put her on the house or life insurance. His daughter kicked the woman out, moved in temporarily, and now she's not keeping up the home because she and her family live elsewhere.

What's the harm in giving her a small settlement if they stay married for x years and divorce? That's what sunset clauses are for. If he doesn't want to do that, add in a clause about funding a one-way ticket back to Cebu City. To leave her with nothing makes me question his care and concern for her. Even if she's just a friend, where's the concern for her wellbeing if it all crashes down? I have two friends who are divorcing right now. Their prenup has a clause that states the soon-to-be ex-wife can live in the marital home for up to one year after the divorce has been finalised. After that year is up, the home is to be sold and the profit will be split equally. In the meantime, the other party has moved into a flat without protest.

I understand Mark wanting to protect himself, but you can be fair and compromise. He hasn't done anything to make her feel like she's anything more than a visitor/guest in HIS home.

Edited December 2, 2015 by AussieBabe

[merylinkid]

Just want to throw out there that in Maryland, the legal definition of abuse is not just physical.  Mark doesn't have to lay a finger on her to be abusing her.

 

We are still working on getting all the judges to accept financial abuse -- but it's getting there.   They at least accept the idea of the economically dependent spouse not having as much freedom to act as a financially independent spouse.

[okerry]

This country has a lot of golddiggers, I'm not upset about that at all.  It would be a hard life if I was upset by the existence of golddiggers.

 

That's certainly true. But I've known men who ended up with genuine golddiggers both foreign and domestic - some married to them, some not - and these men suffered through tremendous misery before it was over. So did their kids, both from previous relationships and with the golddigger - while the GD walked away scot-free and happy with a huge pile of cash to go do it all again with some other sucker.

 

IMHO, it's just another form of sex trafficking. The women sell themselves as brides and the men think they've bought the perfect house ho. Just because marriage is involved doesn't make it loving, caring, genuine, or decent in any way. I've seen it. If that's "a better life," I'll keep the crappy one I have. JMHO, and why I watch this show. At least it does shine a light on this kind of thing. I didn't know how extensive it really was until 90-Day Fiance and a few other shows like it.

[3girlsforus]

Agree! There are so many people hoping to move to the US who have been going through the proper channels and have been waiting for years. They didn't play this game. 

 

The problem is how do you decide? My brother went to work in another country and met a woman while he was there. She had a decent job - definitely as good as she was ever going to get in that country - but her family was poor. No question she would have much better opportunities in the US. She moved to the US with my brother and they got married. That was 15 years ago - still married and she is now a US citizen. So on paper she could have looked like a user and a gold digger. Should she have not gotten to come because some people married for a green card? What constitutes "proper channels"? Are people only here 'properly' if they come without knowing an American?

[millennium]

A con?  A young woman desperate to escape a situation of poverty and clinging to the life raft that an old man offered hardly seems like a "con" to me.  It seems like an extremely sad and desperate situation.

 

I don't buy the "desperate to escape a situation of poverty" premise.   There's an entire country full of people in the Phillippines who manage to live there somehow without selling themselves to foreigners.    What I see is an opportunist looking for an easy way into America and a comfortable existence without doing any work.

[okerry]

I don't buy the "desperate to escape a situation of poverty" premise.   There's an entire country full of people in the Phillippines who manage to live there somehow without selling themselves to foreigners.   

Thank You. I feel exactly the same way. "Selling yourself to a foreigner" is NOT a better life. Just look at Nikki.

[RCharter]

I don't buy the "desperate to escape a situation of poverty" premise.   There's an entire country full of people in the Phillippines who manage to live there somehow without selling themselves to foreigners.    What I see is an opportunist looking for an easy way into America and a comfortable existence without doing any work.

There is an impoverished underbelly in every culture.  In the US, and in most developed countries there are social nets and programs to deal with those who are poor.  And even with these programs there are still people who live in poverty in the US.  The situation becomes even more desperate in countries where there are no social nets.  

 

I don't understand the argument that because there is a middle class or even a prominent middle class in a country that desperate poverty doesn't exist.  And without the social nets and programs that we have here, in other countries, you are on your own if you're impoverished.  

 

So, I do buy the desperate poverty argument, even though there may be others in the country who aren't impoverished.

Edited December 2, 2015 by RCharter

[cooksdelight]

This show is not about "love stories".... anyone who went on this show thinking that is obviously living in a cave. Or an old house on the water.

[RCharter]

Thank You. I feel exactly the same way. "Selling yourself to a foreigner" is NOT a better life. Just look at Nikki.

sadly, it might be a better life for her....and that is the saddest thing out of everything, is that this may just be better....that would be how awful her situation was.

[vmcd88]

How soon til Mark pulls his ex-wife's wedding dress out of the closet and suggests Nikki wear it?

[cooksdelight]

I don't think the cheap tissue paper dress he bought his first wife would have survived all these years.

[Drogo]

How soon til Mark pulls his ex-wife's wedding dress out of the closet and suggests Nikki wear it?

 

A little worried it is in the closet, next to the mummified remains of the ex-wife.

[AussieBabe]

I bet he kept the ex-wife's ring, too. There's a reason he hasn't upgraded the zip tie ring, yet. Any idea of the date of marriage to Mrs. Specimen 1.0? It would be even more creepy if they were to get married on her birthday or the original wedding date.

[GracieK]

He is absolutely an emotional abuser and just a flat out asshat.  He treated the trip to NYC like it was going to be this big exciting day where she could do some wedding planning, told her to try on dresses and if she found one she wanted to let him know and they'd get it.  Then he immediately questions her choice and really even ability to make one on her own by pointing out all the reasons her choice was wrong.  He is systematically tearing down any sort of independent thoughts or opinions she attempts to have.  In the future she will not bother forming her own and will instead always defer to him on everything.  To condition a previously free thinking person to rely on you to tell them what is acceptable is absolutely mind control and emotional abuse. 

[Danag]

Well, Mark isn't in love with Nikki. Me thinks that he's trying to relive his youth with a Filipino wife, but without children-HIS WAY. Sick. Most older men cherish the ground their younger girlfriends walk on. If he were, he wouldn't treat her the way he does. That is why all the people in the last episode couldn't believe that he wouldn't buy her the dress, or make her sign the one sided  prenup, If you love someone, you care about their welfare. Mark doesn't. He's what I would call a personal sex trafficker. He has a thing for Filipino women....and she happens to be one of THEM. She had no clue that he's a user and an abuser....and it is for those reasons that I hope she sticks it out a little longer (K-1 stipulation time)until she can leave.

 

Being 19, she may not know how to cook. I'm sure he's working on training her....

 

He must have been selling himself hard online to her over the past couple of years. He reeled her in. She probably thought that he would be her prince charming, but once she got here she saw the controlling, selfish *rick that he is, and now it's too late. She left her country, her family, friends, and has no one to talk to. I would be more than sullen....Yep, men accuse women of nagging, being bitchy.... BUT what is their part IN IT?  

[still hoping]

Seriously thought he was her Prince Charming? LOL

Sugar Daddy Meal Ticket

So classy

Edited December 2, 2015 by cooksdelight

[cooksdelight]

Please stick to the Social Media thread when posting about Facebook or other online items. Thanks.

[grumpypanda]

A little worried it is in the closet, next to the mummified remains of the ex-wife.

Perhaps Mark made a skin suit out of the ex and is working on having Nikki try it on. She can even wear it to the wedding.

[essexjan]

I have to say I was deeply disappointed at the lawyer Nikki was taken to see. Last season TLC set the bar really high with this guy. Yet all we got this season was Mr Straight-Lace Attorney. C'mon, TLC, this is meant to be entertainment, for God's sake! Give us weird, small-town lawyers, not sensible corporate guys.  Sheesh!

 

[still hoping]

One thing I would like to know...how did the couples get on the show?

 

did they apply? scouted? friend suggested?

[KarmaG]

One thing I would like to know...how did the couples get on the show?

 

did they apply? scouted? friend suggested?

 

I answered elsewhere too but scouted is how, I believe. Before last season had even finished airing, TLC had a bot posting recruitment threads here.

Edited December 3, 2015 by KarmaG

[jujuebes]

I agree with mark that buying a $2500 dress for ONLY them for 15 minutes on the beach in Hawaii would be a massive waste of money. I don't agree however with the whole trip and getting her hopes up. He could spend that money else where like getting Nikki clothes other than M tank tops.

[gardendiva]

It was also the nasty way he belittled her while saying no. Not telling her she looked beautiful. Asking the salesperson crassly "how much is this going to set me back"? Basically making her look foolish and embarrassing her the entire time in the dress shop.

 

Granted, that much money might reasonably be out of his budget. If he had said, "Nikki you look so beautiful! But the dress is a little outside of my budget. Maybe we can find something in the $xxx range." It would have been so much more comfortable. His indirect and passive aggressive way of saying EVERYTHING just makes me squirm.

[LillysPad]

One thing I would like to know...how did the couples get on the show?

 

did they apply? scouted? friend suggested?

 

They were found by TLC themselves. 

Noon tells the fans that a representative from TLC called (them twice I think) one day while she and Kyle were on a bike ride in Thailand.

Fernando has talked about TLC calling them as well. That they did not go apply for the show.

 

You get one crazy couple from a previous season and now people believe anything a person says online and goes with it. 

Kyle and Noon are in love. It comes through the tv screen and makes us all feel good about the K1 visa process.

I laughed when Alexaska / said something like this after marrying Josh "Now I get to give all this to him"

When they showed Mark & Nikki signing that paper, my thought was "This  cannot be a real document."  Why did I think this? I think she was asked to use this English name for tv or to better her chances to get out of the Philippines.  There were couples from the past seasons asked to change their names for the show. What doesn't make you think TLC asked Nikki to do the same thing?

"But she is all over with that name...." you say. TLC knew what a big hit they had with Mo & Dani. They revamp their way of getting views this year by asking the couples to go onliine and talk about the show, show themselves during the show. etc. 

 

Why didn't Mark & Nikki walk out of that shop without a dress? Maybe he did pay for a dress and had it shipped back home.  I still think they were in NYC because Mark had a job in the city at the time and when TLC called to check up on them, Mark informed them & that is why we saw that funky exchange. A man like Mark would not just go to NYC for a dress.

[gunderda]

I don't think it's a far fetch that Mark had no idea that an average cost for a wedding dress is $2500.  I know he was a bit shocked at the $10 ones but he was probably jumping up and down inside that she found one THAT cheap.

 

The dude is a HUGE cheapskate. End of story. Could he have been a little nicer about telling Nikki no? Well yea but he's also incredibly socially awkward.

Maybe he went in thinking she would find a nice one for a couple hundred.  The shop they went to wasn't anything fancy. 

 

Not to mention we should also realize the whole thing was just a setup for the show.  So there's also that.

 

The car he gave her was a nice little car.  But yes a little weird it was the exact model his ex had. I would take that car!

[cooksdelight]

This episode sealed it that she's stuck. No money to go anywhere if she wanted to, cannot go to school or get a job. Trapped.

[Pepper Mostly]

I agree with mark that buying a $2500 dress for ONLY them for 15 minutes on the beach in Hawaii would be a massive waste of money. I don't agree however with the whole trip and getting her hopes up. He could spend that money else where like getting Nikki clothes other than M tank tops.

She tried to ask how much she should spend.He didn't giver her a budget, just told her that if she found something she loved, he wouldn't say no.  He knew it would be 15 minutes on the beach before she went upstairs to the salon. And I contend that he knew all along that she wasn't getting a dress that day. He could have taken her to David's Bridal at the local mall and gotten away with a few hundred bucks. But he didn't. He wanted to twist the knife.

[Toaster Strudel]

I could hear a sigh and suppressed rage when he asked: "how much is this going to SET ME BACK?"

[Pepper Mostly]

Yup. Just like you could see the coldness in his eyes and the cruel set to his mouth when he told Nikki to sign the prenup. He's getting a do over with his ex wife all right. He's probably spent years plotting this. "NEXT time, I won't be snowed! no diamond ring, no expensive wedding dress, no car, no nothing! She will be obedient and cater to my every whim."

[grumpypanda]

This episode sealed it that she's stuck. No money to go anywhere if she wanted to, cannot go to school or get a job. Trapped.

But at this point in the show why can't she go back home? Wouldn't TLC fly her home? I think they would eat up the drama of one of the participants backing out and going home.

Where the hell is Nikki's family, why can't they help? I'm also guessing Mark would pay for her ticket home if she refused to sign the pre-nup.

Nikki is in a shitty situation but she isn't being held hostage in America. She might be young but she chose to come to America and she should have had a backup plan in case she changed her mind.

I do feel sorry for the girl but I don't see her as a complete victim.

Edited December 4, 2015 by grumpypanda

[cooksdelight]

TLC won't pay for her to fly home, that's on Mark. They barely pay these couples anything to appear on the show. When they had one couple who decided not to marry in an earlier season, they relegated them to online-only viewing. There's been not a single mention of Nikki's family, no Skype sessions with them... nothing. She could be totally on her own for all we know.

[grumpypanda]

TLC won't pay for her to fly home, that's on Mark. They barely pay these couples anything to appear on the show. When they had one couple who decided not to marry in an earlier season, they relegated them to online-only viewing. There's been not a single mention of Nikki's family, no Skype sessions with them... nothing. She could be totally on her own for all we know.

I didn't realize that there was a couple that backed out already. I've watched every season of this show but I've never watched anything online.

Mark is a cheapskate but I believe that he would pay for Nikki's ticket home if she backed out. If she refused to marry him he would really have no choice.

[WhoAmIReally]

TLC won't pay for her to fly home, that's on Mark. They barely pay these couples anything to appear on the show. When they had one couple who decided not to marry in an earlier season, they relegated them to online-only viewing. There's been not a single mention of Nikki's family, no Skype sessions with them... nothing. She could be totally on her own for all we know.

 

She did mention (sadly and kind of questioningly) that her family couldn't come to the wedding in Hawaii when they were looking at the dresses online.  So I guess she has one.

 

She also claimed on one of her online profiles that she was a student at a university in Cebu, so, unless she was lying, she has some brains and had some financial resources. 

[grumpypanda]

RCharter-That's exactly why I think he would buy the ticket. Not because he's a nice guy but because Nikki could be a real pain in the ass for him if she stays. I don't think he wants that kind of trouble.

I actually wouldn't be surprised if he had another girl on the backburner just in case things don't work out with Nikki. He strikes me as the kind of guy that's always planning ahead and plotting his next move.

[IvySpice]

 

It was also the nasty way he belittled her while saying no. Not telling her she looked beautiful.

Exactly. If my fiance sees me wearing ANY kind of wedding dress, there has to be some kind of positive reaction. Come on. She doesn't even get the smallest crumbs of comfort.

 

He doesn't love her. Of late, he doesn't even seem to like her.

[cooksdelight]

I moved some posts that were strictly about Mark & Nikki, not this episode, to their thread. And we have a K-1 Visa thread, too, if you want to speculate about people going home, how, when, why, etc. Thanks!

[cooksdelight]

Nikki has to decide if she wants to go through with the wedding.

There is a two-hour show on before this one, which is most likely clips from this season.

Season 3's six couples meet for the first time to discuss their emotional journeys and what happened after the cameras stopped rolling. Included: A husband and wife announce they're expecting a baby.

[Tara Ariano]

Edited into one thread since there will only be one editorial post on both hours.

[cooksdelight]

Thank you, Tara!

[Passthepopcorn]

I cut Nikki a ton of slack because she's 19. A lot of us made dumb decisions when we were 19. Throw in the total lack of economic power, and the stakes of the decisions get magnified. If she were a middle-class American like Mark, she might do something short-sighted like pick a college based on proximity to her boyfriend, or pick a major because it sounds easy. Instead she took a shot at a new life in America, and it turned out to be a mess, but she told everyone back home that she was leaving forever...she's in a terrible position, and she didn't know any better, and she doesn't know how to fix it. My take on the car window scene is that Mark didn't show her any of this control freak side until after she landed. That's a dark scene she's living in.

 

Agree. Even if most smart 19 y/os would immediately realize that dating a 60 y/o is a bad idea and most certainly not true love. She is still a teen. He knows better. She has no perspective nor experience. He knows better. No excuse.

 

I like this post a million times.  See, Alexi asked Loren not to go to a strip club, that's it.  He even told her he wouldn't have minded it if she went to a club.  To some people, and in some cultures, strip clubs are seen as nasty, seedy places; to others they've become mainstream.  If you're going to marry someone and something bothers them, then talk about it together.  That's what you do.  It's disrespectful to think, "well, I think it's okay, fuck what he thinks," that's what Loren did.  She really didn't get why Alexi was upset.  It wasn't the strip club honey, it was that he asked you not to go to one and you did it anyway.  

 

 

Agree. At least in my scale of values, husband first, friends second. A true friend would not disrespect your husband to be and your relationship. Her friend did not care at all. And L. is (or should be) mature enough to stand up for herself and loyal enough to give his feelings priority.

[cooksdelight]

Fernando and Carolina's wedding was the only one that made me teary-eyed. Seeing her parents watching via Skype, and Fernando's mother being nice.

[deltaburkefan]

^lol @ being "nice" as enough to move someone to tears :) Mama Fernando, you have set the bar low!

[EverybodyIsACritic]

I am only 8 minutes into the first hour, and Loren's friend Sarah is doing a TH the morning of the wedding. I notice something on the bed in the room behind Sarah. It appears to be Loren's long suffering sister, Whatsherface. Whf is curled up on the bed asleep, but it seems like an odd time to choose to do so. If I were her, I would probably want to sleep through what could be a Hurricane Shitshow!

[AussieBabe]

I'm watching now, and I have to say...I'm worried for Nikki. He won't even let her answer questions that are directed to her.

[VanSensei]

I sold a $7 of rum to the guys next door for $10 yesterday. Watching Mark makes me want it back. He treats her like property.

 

Fuck Devar for wearing a white tux, those things belong at high school proms and nothing else. They're atrocious. 

 

Carolina looked gorgeous and I'm glad Fernando's mom is kinda kosher with it.

[truelovekiss]

I am only 8 minutes into the first hour, and Loren's friend Sarah is doing a TH the morning of the wedding. I notice something on the bed in the room behind Sarah. It appears to be Loren's long suffering sister, Whatsherface. Whf is curled up on the bed asleep, but it seems like an odd time to choose to do so. If I were her, I would probably want to sleep through what could be a Hurricane Shitshow!

Yikes, I would also want to sleep through as much of the time I was forced to spend with Loren as possible. Can you imagine being her sister? I wonder how many times she was forced to apologize for nothing throughout their childhood just to make the whining stop. I'm sure she was silently praying that Alexei wouldn't come to his senses and Loren would be his problem.

I'm watching now, and I have to say...I'm worried for Nikki. He won't even let her answer questions that are directed to her.

Ugh, yes. Classic controlling boyfriend.

[cooksdelight]

Erica Hill isn't pulling any punches with Mark. Look at his face, he's pissed as hell.

And Mark mentioned they are still arguing about old photos.