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essexjan

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  1. Apologies, but when I read those words in my head it was in the voice of Stanley Hudson (The Office).
  2. On his Facebook page Tom claims to have lost 40lbs and it seems he is in New York at the moment. Are they filming the tell-all?
  3. My avatar loaned him her spare.
  4. essexjan

    S03.E04: Little Lies

    As a Brit familiar with Ohio, WV and Pennsylvania (I have family in SE Ohio), Nottingham (the city) is like the Pittsburg of the UK. The countryside and villages around (Nottinghamshire) are rather nondescript - they used to be primarily mining villages but all the mines are now closed and there's a lot of unemployment in rural areas. Because, after all, if the mine closes down, then it has a knock-on effect on all the small businesses around. The small towns are cultural deserts where the businesses in the town centres have closed, replaced by charity shops. It's not the most picturesque part of the UK. There are hundreds of different regional accents and dialects in the UK, along with several native languages (Welsh, Cornish, Manx, Scottish Gaelic and Irish Gaelic). We even have Welsh and Scottish Gaelic TV channels.
  5. essexjan

    S03.E04: Little Lies

    Okay, so this is my take on Tom, as someone who grew up 15 miles from his home town of Nottingham. First of all, Nottingham is a dump. It has a high rate of crime, particularly burglaries, rapes, car thefts and break-ins, drug-related robberies, muggings, gangs and knife crime. The highlight of the social calendar is the annual Goose Fair, a five-day funfair where pickpockets, muggings and gang fights are the main entertainment. https://www.nottinghampost.com/news/local-news/recorded-crime-rises-sharply-notts-1492058 Like all English towns and cities, the #1 recreational activity is getting drunk - that includes girls and women as well as men and boys. (I used to go out drinking in Nottingham when I was 14, in the early 1970s, and things there have not changed one bit, except that there are more pubs than ever in the city centre.) There are some affluent areas, but there is so much crime that the nicer areas are just seen as targets for the criminals. Tom's "English Gentleman" personal is as fake as Darcey's tits. His sister has a working-class Nottingham accent and I would bet good money that he grew up on a council estate (projects). Nothing wrong with that, but don't try and pass yourself off as a toff when you're really as "common as muck". As an Englishwoman, I can promise you that he has probably not had multiple one-night stands. I can't think of any woman I know who would find him attractive. Paunchy, old-fogey hair & clothes and vain as fuck. Nothing attractive about him whatsoever. It was obvious Darcey didn't fancy him at all. Yet she is so desperate to believe that she is "in love" with him that we know she'll have sex with this man she does not find in the least bit attractive. She needs therapy to get to the root of why she's so needy she'll fuck someone she is repulsed by. The restaurant they were at, Bluebird on the King's Road in Chelsea, is really nice (in fact I was there just yesterday, but in the courtyard cafe, rather than the main restaurant!) I would guess that if someone turned up dressed like Darcey who wasn't accompanied by a TV crew, they'd be asked to leave and only return when they were appropriately dressed. In fact, dress code for the venue is "very smart" (see link). I wore black tailored pants and a flowered chiffon blouse (not transparent!) and felt under-dressed compared with many of the other women diners. I certainly didn't see anyone dressed like a hooker. https://velvet-pr.com/guestlists/bluebird-chelsea. This will not end well for Darcey.
  6. essexjan

    S01.E12: Baby, Come Back!

    I thought Sumit was gay the first time I saw him - and it's nothing to do with Jenny. I think that for him it would be impossible for him to be out and gay in his culture (even though homosexuality has recently been legalised in India, it's still culturally unacceptable for many people). By choosing an older woman, he won't be expected to provide her with babies. His relationship with Jenny doesn't seem to be overtly sexual in the way we've seen from most of the relationships on this show involving an older woman and a younger man. I think there's a genuine affection between them, but I'm certain he is not into her physically.
  7. essexjan

    S01.E12: Baby, Come Back!

    I'm glad Jihoon got to see the baby's birth over the internet, if he couldn't be there in person, and it was lovely that his parents could share that moment too. His mum in particular seemed thrilled to bits. I also thought that, when he was there with Deavan, Jihoon was sweet and funny. I don't criticise him for not knowing how to change the baby's diaper - reading about it and watching YT videos is a whole different thing from being presented with a live, squirming baby. I LOL'd at his comment about the baby's balls. Jenny, you sad sack, just get your arse back home. Sumit is GAY, you are his beard and he will never be able to cut the apron strings. Although I suspect, from Jenny's face in the preview for next week that this story about him having to go back home was a big fraud anyway. Pole and Kareeny are just the worst. She's had the longest pregnancy ever (it seems - although I might be conflating it with the miscarriage she had last season). Pole will never be anything other than a weirdo, creep loser with a terrible temper and zero life skills. He runs like Mose (Dwight's cousin) from The Office. Shutting himself in the doghouse is about the best thing for him. Tiffany, maybe you should have thought about where and how you'd make a home for your son before you uprooted him and moved half-way across the world. And maybe you should have thought about how your husband would support you and your son before you got married. And maybe you should make sure you have a secure home and regular income before you decide to have another baby.
  8. essexjan

    S03.E03: Pack Your Bags

    It always irked me that Jesse pronounced it "Loo-bee-ton" rather than the correct "Loo-boo-tan", as if he was conflating Louboutin and Louis Vuitton in one word.
  9. essexjan

    S03.E03: Pack Your Bags

    Good grief, every single person this season is a hot mess. I was surprised and somewhat delighted to note that the biggest muffin top in this episode belonged not to Angela but to Zeid, in the scene where he went to meet his friends. Those jeans were at least 2 sizes too small for him. He's overweight, greasy, unemployed (Rebecca mentioned that his job - arranging audiences for TV shows - is for some reason 'seasonal') and not the least bit good-looking. Yet he seems to have found someone desperate enough to think he's God's gift to women. Angela's wedding planner is the MVP of this episode, much as Ludwing was in his segment in 90DF: The Other Way. I would go to any wedding he arranged. I would love to see his interpretation of Deep South meets Nigeria, including fireworks and goats. Avery wouldn't have phone service but if she's connected to WiFi she can use WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger to make calls for free. That's what I do when I'm in the USA. So I can see why she would need her phone. I think the missing phone is a TLC frauding red herring and the phone is probably switched off in her bag (at the producer's request, no doubt). I don't think Avery has given any critical thinking to her idea of going to live in Syria. There's been a number of European girls - British girls of Bangladeshi heritage mostly, but also a few girls from Austria (I think) - who went to Syria. They were married off to Jihadis and had numerous babies in quick succession. They are now all dead, except for one British girl, Shamima Begum, who's been stripped of her UK citizenship and is now effectively stateless and unable to come back to the UK. The others were either murdered or killed in air strikes. Avery's mother is absolutely right to want to stop her. I wish the show would hurry up to get Caesar to Mexico so we can get this over with. We all know how this is going to end, there's no Maria, and he'll be left broken hearted and bewildered at how his goddess could have done this to him. Bobblehead Timothy is a douche and his ex-gf is still hanging on to him and trying her best to create a fake jealousy scenario to cause drama. But I don't care about him anyway so if it all ends in tears for him ... meh. I always LOL when I see Darcey's intro photo, standing there looking like a street corner hooker in her gold dress and white faux fur against a backdrop of bucolic Connecticut scenery. Her desperation is palpable and she's clearly not learned a thing from her past mistakes. The new man has catfished her with old photos, and he seems to be a creep. I couldn't believe how much luggage she was taking on her trip. With transatlantic flights the major airlines usually allow one checked bag, one carry-on bag and one personal item. Everything else you pay extra for, unless you're in premium economy or business class. Checked bags have to weight under 23kg (50lbs) or extra fees are incurred - and at least one of Darcey's suitcases looked to weigh more than that, given the struggle she and her sister had trying to get it into the back of the car. And how uncomfortable to embark on a 7-hour flight (plus travel to the airport, waiting time, etc., so probably nearer 10 hours or more) in all that makeup. Darcey is so immature, and her sister also seems to be an idiot too. At least Darcey's daughters seem to have more sense in their little fingers than Darcey and their aunt put together.
  10. essexjan

    S03.E01: Crazy In Love

    Don't forget Ohio. The Buckeye State has given us Ricky (who also liked the Colombian ladies, although they didn't like him), Avery and the Patron Saint of 90DF, Dinyell.
  11. essexjan

    S03.E01: Crazy In Love

    When I was a divorce lawyer many moons ago I had a client whose family was a never-ending source of revenue for the criminal law department in my firm. Her husband had served her with divorce papers, and in them he'd said that he thought she might be cheating because of a tattoo she'd recently had done. I asked her what it was and she pulled up her (already short) skirt to show me. It was a tattoo on her inner thigh of an erect penis pointing towards her vajayjay, with a little arrow saying 'insert here'. Classy. I said "that'll look nice when you're 80 years old in a nursing home, won't it ..."
  12. essexjan

    S03.E01: Crazy In Love

    Oooh, I found this on my streaming site today when I was looking for 90DF The Other Way. Here's my take on it: Caesar I felt sorry for him at first but if he's too stupid to see he's being scammed then more fool him. I agree with everyone who's said he's the author of his own misfortune because he has set his sights on a porn star and is allowing his dick to do the thinking. Not that his dick will ever get anywhere near whoever that woman in the video is. I think porn is one of the most destructively pervasive influences on people finding happy relationships. I'm not saying Caesar watches porn - I don't know if he does or not. But there is a scenario in many porn films of a young, hot girl finding an older, unattractive man irresistible and this leads men to have totally unrealistic expectations of what they think they 'deserve' rather than putting effort into finding someone they might truly be compatible with. Avery I think she is seriously rebelling against a childhood where she had stringent controls (IIRC she was a competitive gymnast which is such a difficult discipline). When I first saw her I was hoping there'd be a positive depiction of Islam on television but I can see where the storyline is going on this one and it's not good. Rebecca Good God, where do I fucking begin? You stupid, stupid woman. For a start, all the cutesy-pie image she's trying to portray to this man is idiotic. She's an attractive woman and those filters make her look ridiculous. But she seems very immature, with the photos of Zeid all over her home. I LOL'd at the coffee mug. And, far from being some handsome Arabian hunk, he's a slack-jawed, mumbling dullard. No wonder her children are appalled. Darcey Oh dear. As delusional as ever that this man is her Knight in Shining Armour. No insight into her own behaviour which contributed to the implosion of her relationship with Jesse. She's like a 14-year-old who fantasises about marrying a pop star and practises writing her 'new' signature over and over (I did that with Donny Osmond but that was 45 years ago, don't judge me ...) Her new man, Tom, is so not into her and only wants TV time. I've flown across the Atlantic dozens of times and it's perfectly possible to freshen up. The key is to wear no make-up at all, go into Duty Free before the flight and slather your face in Lancome Genifique serum, keep a toothbrush, toothpaste and some good quality cleansing wipes in your bag and it's easy enough to arrive looking fresh and with a clean, minty mouth. But of course this wouldn't work for Darcey because her make-up bag is probably bigger than most people's carry-ons so she has to trowel it all on before she gets on the plane. Timothy As we say in the UK, what an utter bell-end*. He looks like a bobblehead doll and compensates for his lack of personality and charm by driving a sports car that screams "I AM A WANKER!" (another British phrase**) as he drives down the street. Another guy batting way out of his league but able to do so at the moment because he has money. I get a gay vibe from him too. * https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/bellend ** https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wanker
  13. essexjan

    Gretchen & Slade & their BS

    I always liked Gretchen and thought she was very pretty and vivacious, with a great figure. But wow, she's had a lot of work done on her face. She barely looks like the same young woman from ten years ago.
  14. essexjan

    Love After Lockup: Life After Lockup

    The TV channels NEED TO RESPECT THE SCHEDULE !!!
  15. essexjan

    Love After Lockup: Life After Lockup

    So Tracie goes on a drugs binge and is sent back to jail where (as anyone who watches 60 Days In knows) all you get to eat is carbs, carbs and carbs with a side of carbs. So although I can understand that she probably lost 40lbs during her crack/meth sojourn on the run from Clint, I can't believe that the only thing she gained in jail was a tattoo of what looked like the word "C*nt" on her ring finger. Coincidentally (as anyone who watches 60 Days In also knows), it seems all too easy for drugs to be smuggled into prison.
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