VanSensei

Paul Russell never has to lift another finger again. This Boo Thang song they're using everywhere could retire him just from royalties alone

Fitting as I'm eating Panda Express for dinner, but I've opened up a fortune cookie and it tells me: "you will have another commercial break in your future" EDIT: OH MY GOD. Ok. Didn't see the actual commercial break coming. Next the lotto numbers!

After a special that lasted six years, they're finally getting married. Good

So much booze... whatever transport company they're hiring to bring everyone home is getting a good New Year's bonus.

I hope Lindsey and Mark make it. Rare in a show with a success rate of 30% -- essentially the reality TV equivalent of the really good student applying to all seven Ivies and getting into one or two.

There's a part of me seriously worried that he killed her. He's that deranged that it's entirely possible

I've been known to slam a couple of libations and then open my fat fucking mouth — this was a World War 2-style air raid on the open bar.

This New Orleans accent. Yes. If Henry ever writes a book on his experience with this, i hope his dad records the Audible version.

I've been on phone calls with customer service with more chemistry than Henry and Christina. No one, and I mean no one gives a Frenchman's fuck that she forgot her earrings. She can make it about herself because this poodle shit rendezvous is going to last until decision day and literally not a day after that.

Yeah, people being nasty towards other people's weddings is shitty. It's their wedding! Most people get one! Get over it and be appreciative.

I noticed, most of all, that there were three proposals. What the fuck? Why would you want to be proposed to on national television where everyone can see?

The Minneapolis-St. Paul couple. Am a native, so my bias is showing. Three things: They could afford maybe twice as much house if she were still working as a nurse. The wife is absolutely right. It's good they got out of the city.

DC to Melbourne, FL transplants. That second house is gorgeous. I've lived in Minnesota for 20 years, but sometimes my Caribbean heritage gets the best of me and I fantasize about escaping our brutal winters... That second house gives me ideas.

weather is not a reason to shit on weddings Most people get one, find something to enjoy about it, lol.

WAIT. What general manager job pays enough to afford an almost million-dollar house? Are they hiring? Yes, they are in Oahu, so I'd be paying more yearly than college tuition for essentially, a cardboard box with a toilet and stove, but are they hiring?