Say What?: Commercials That Made Us Scratch Our Heads

[Prevailing Wind]

 

one of Les Nessman's best broadcasts ever. "With God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

This was based on an actual occurence at Atlanta's Lenox Square Mall.  They did, indeed, push turkeys out of a helicopter, thinking they'd fly & not plummet like giant cannonballs.

[RedZoneTuba]

I think the issue of bird-on-bird violence is the least of the problems with the Jack Links commercial.   For me, it's the "uncanny valley" issue that the eagle is a little too realistic, evoking memories of the baby creature emerging from the crewman's chest in Alien.

 

Not exactly an image that makes me think, "Man, I'm hungry for some of what she's eating!".

[Aquarius]

This was based on an actual occurence at Atlanta's Lenox Square Mall.  They did, indeed, push turkeys out of a helicopter, thinking they'd fly & not plummet like giant cannonballs.

 

Oh, poor turkeys.  :-(  And how horrifying that must have been for the bystanders.

 

Wild turkeys can fly.  Domesticated turkeys cannot.  A measure of how much a wild turkey population has been cross-bred with domesticated ones is how high they can fly.

[Prevailing Wind]

It's those huge, un-natural 20 pound breasts they've been bred to have.  Of course, they can't fly with that much meat on 'em.

[Brattinella]

There are wild turkeys living near us.  I've seen them fly many times; very cool!

[DeLurker]

There's a current car commercial - I think it is for the Ford Mustang - and they keep showing different people driving one and talking about what a thrill it is to drive the car. 

 

I had on closed captioning last night and they actually name each of the people who have a line.  Why does anyone care what their names are when they say 1 line and are on screen for a couple of seconds tops?

 

Now if they had named them Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike that would have been worth the effort...

[heebiejeebie]

There is a new ad, I think it is Buick.  Man walks across street to say hello to his neighbor who has a black eye and says he got it because it is black Friday.  The other man says how he slept in and still got great savings.  Looks over his shoulder at new car sitting in driveway.

 

At best he bought the car for his wife.  But the way it sits in the driveway suggests he went out and bought himself a new ride.  So how does that compare to going out and buying presents for family and friends?  The guy is incredibly douchtastic just with his smugness.  Add in the presumed self-rewarding entitlement?  And yeah.  I so want that car. 

 

So first Buick (assuming it is a Buick) pisses off pretty much anyone with a brain, let alone a vagina with the neighbor couple looking out the window and pretty much saying new cars that come from raises, come from men who get raises.  Now they have selfish turds bragging about much money he saved.  By buying a new car for himself.  Granted I get itchy annoyed every time commercials use the term "save/saved/saving" on items you are being told you want, not really need.  Going out and buying a new car because there is a sale is not saving me money.  Buying a car at the right time because I need a new car is when I am interested in saving money.  Car companies though have always played on want versus need though so I'm never surprised.  But still.  I don't get why Buick seems bent on pissing people off.  The smug tone does nothing to sell a car in the situation most people find themselves in.  Buying gifts for others.

 

"Jimmy, I know you wanted that new toy.  Heck, seeing that toe poke out on this incredibly cold morning, I bet you wouldn't even mind the usual dreaded gift of socks.  Well too bad.  Spend this Christmas day looking at the window at Daddy's new car cause that is all you're getting"

[heebiejeebie]

Sorry for the double post but I just saw the Stella Artois ad. 

 

The village all waits for the star to top their tree.  The star falls off the truck and some guys pick it up off the road.  They go to the Brewery.  Not sure if they take the time to actually brew the beer, but they do take the time to blow glass bottles with the star, inspired by the tree topper.  They then take their beer to the very village hall everyone waits to light the tree after said star ornament placement.  The notion seeming to be that the star on the bottles takes the place of the tree topper.  WHICH THEY HAVE.

 

I don't get it.

[Prevailing Wind]

Apparently, if you drink the beer, it'll all become clear to you...

 

I believe that's a lot of the idea behind these weird-ass ads...just buy/use the product; you'll understand it then.

[Aquarius]

Sorry for the double post but I just saw the Stella Artois ad. 

 

The village all waits for the star to top their tree.  The star falls off the truck and some guys pick it up off the road.  They go to the Brewery.  Not sure if they take the time to actually brew the beer, but they do take the time to blow glass bottles with the star, inspired by the tree topper.  They then take their beer to the very village hall everyone waits to light the tree after said star ornament placement.  The notion seeming to be that the star on the bottles takes the place of the tree topper.  WHICH THEY HAVE.

 

I don't get it.

 

Thank you!  I thought I was missing something . . .

 

Apparently, if you drink the beer, it'll all become clear to you...

 

Not sure there's enough Stella in the world but I'm sure after a while I would no longer care.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Not sure there's enough Stella in the world but I'm sure after a while I would no longer care.

 

"Stay thirsty, my friends....."

[friendperidot]

Sam Adams ads puzzle me, because apparently the way to judge beer is not like wine, color, bouquet, mouth feel and taste, but but how many different flavors the brewer makes. Who knew? Disclosure in case it's not obvious, I don't drink or judge wine or beer.

[LoneHaranguer]

 

Sam Adams ads puzzle me, because apparently the way to judge beer is not like wine, color, bouquet, mouth feel and taste, but but how many different flavors the brewer makes.

The idea is probably that they make so many you're sure to find one you like, but just try finding them locally. All anybody stocks is the very few generics and (maybe) whatever the current seasonal is.

[Brattinella]

There is a local liquor store here that stocks ALL that seasonal stuff every year; I LOVE buying new (and varied) beer for my hubby.

[CoyoteBlue]

Why is Strawberry Shortcake whoring herself out shilling "Happy Honda Days"?

[Maverick]

Why is Strawberry Shortcake whoring herself out shilling "Happy Honda Days"?

 

 Because she can't let Jem be the only one tarting up the place.

[Jamoche]

Why is Strawberry Shortcake whoring herself out shilling "Happy Honda Days"?

Not just her - I've seen Gumby and Jen, and ispot.tv shows a Skeletor and Stretch Armstrong too. Of those, Gumby's the only one I vaguely remember watching as a kid, and that was just "oh darn, we got up *too* early, there's nothing else on."

[theatremouse]

Yeah, Honda's message is apparently: were you born in the late 70s/early 80s? Please buy our cars because of sentimentality for something else that we are not selling and does not come with the car.

[Jamoche]

The Geico "did you know Genies take things literally" ad: the guy wishes for a million bucks and gets quite a lot of deer. Is there a Genie story (excluding any with Robin Williams) where the point isn't that Genies will twist your words to screw you over?

[Prevailing Wind]

I like the genie story where the guy wished for the exact amount of money in his pocket whenever he went to pay for something.

Edited November 23, 2014 by Prevailing Wind

[Ubiquitous]

Wild turkeys can fly.  Domesticated turkeys cannot.  A measure of how much a wild turkey population has been cross-bred with domesticated ones is how high they can fly.

I never knew that!

 

Sorry for the double post but I just saw the Stella Artois ad. 

 

The village all waits for the star to top their tree.  The star falls off the truck and some guys pick it up off the road.  They go to the Brewery.  Not sure if they take the time to actually brew the beer, but they do take the time to blow glass bottles with the star, inspired by the tree topper.  They then take their beer to the very village hall everyone waits to light the tree after said star ornament placement.  The notion seeming to be that the star on the bottles takes the place of the tree topper.  WHICH THEY HAVE.

 

I don't get it.

I thought their tree-topper broke and was never replaced, but they got special bottles of beer for their trouble.

[goddessintraining]

The Drambuie (sp?) commercial with the tall, leggy blonde behind a drum set makes no sense to me at all. I suppose it's implying that buying and drinking Drambuie will make you glamorous, darling!

[heebiejeebie]

I never knew that!

 

I thought their tree-topper broke and was never replaced, but they got special bottles of beer for their trouble.

 

But the people who find the topper are the ones who make the brand new star bottles.  If the topper is broken (I thought it was lifted out of the box whole but maybe the star part is separate from the part that would hold it on the tree), why not, you know, fix the topper?  I mean if you can blow a bunch of brand new bottles because the star is raised so its not just etched,  you can't maybe fix a tree topper in that time?  Or rig it somehow?  Instead of going to the brewery to make brand spanking new bottles.  For the whole village.  it still makes no sense.  how about you have them making the star ornament at the brewery's glassworks which inpsires them to also decorate their bottles with the same star.  As the star is lite on its tree have the locals raise their newly star'd bottles in homage.  instead they try to make a cutsey little myth and more convoluted not only than it needs be but than the actual visuals support.

 

And I lived in Belgium for two years.  They are better at crafting beer legends and myths that are both whimsical and make sense than they are at making beer.   Figure Anheuser-Busch to fuck it up.  Maybe if A-B was so determined to keep Stella wrapped in its (no-longer) pristine European roots, they could put out a better ad,  For me at least.  I'm sure millions find it charming and wonderfully in the holiday spirit.  Bah.

[merylinkid]

Just as an aside, Anheuser Busch was bought out by Heineken not the other way around.   The Buschs are no longer in charge.

[heebiejeebie]

You mean Becks don't you?  Part of the formation of Anheuser-Busch  InBev.  The ruination of Hoegadden as well.  A bunch of other beers I would recognize but can't think off of the top of my head.  At least one Canadian one and I think another German.

 

And David Peacock was the guy in charge after the merge and was very much here in the US.  Including the ad blitz for SA as the European whimsical blue blood   This Christmas one is puzzling.  But at least it is better than those creepy bizarre Adrien Brody ones that Peacock absolutely loved and then suddenly hated when they did not grab the audiences in the manner intended.

Edited November 23, 2014 by heebiejeebie

[Ubiquitous]

But the people who find the topper are the ones who make the brand new star bottles.  If the topper is broken (I thought it was lifted out of the box whole but maybe the star part is separate from the part that would hold it on the tree), why not, you know, fix the topper?  I mean if you can blow a bunch of brand new bottles because the star is raised so its not just etched,  you can't maybe fix a tree topper in that time?  Or rig it somehow?  Instead of going to the brewery to make brand spanking new bottles.  For the whole village.  it still makes no sense.  how about you have them making the star ornament at the brewery's glassworks which inpsires them to also decorate their bottles with the same star.  As the star is lite on its tree have the locals raise their newly star'd bottles in homage.  instead they try to make a cutsey little myth and more convoluted not only than it needs be but than the actual visuals support.

 

And I lived in Belgium for two years.  They are better at crafting beer legends and myths that are both whimsical and make sense than they are at making beer.   Figure Anheuser-Busch to fuck it up.  Maybe if A-B was so determined to keep Stella wrapped in its (no-longer) pristine European roots, they could put out a better ad,  For me at least.  I'm sure millions find it charming and wonderfully in the holiday spirit.  Bah.

Yes, I wondered why they didn't replace or repair that Xmas tree star instesad of making bottles of that crappy beer with a star on the side.

[Tunia]

Saw one today that made me itchy.  It was for Citibank's new offer of "double Citi Cash" when you use their card.  Basically, you earn cash back when you buy and again when you pay the bill.

 

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7uuv/citi-double-cash-two-in-one-song-by-rac

 

So my question is, since Ms. Ponytail uses her technology to buy gas, a hammock, etc., WTH is she still writing paper checks and mailing them to pay her bill?  Does she not know of online banking?  (Sorry, USPS) Or is she bopping out to her mailbox to entice some cute, but unseen, neighbor next door?

[Aquarius]

The Drambuie (sp?) commercial with the tall, leggy blonde behind a drum set makes no sense to me at all. I suppose it's implying that buying and drinking Drambuie will make you glamorous, darling!

 

Seriously, it makes no sense at all.  She doesn't even seem that glamorous.  She seems like she's on heroin or something.

[Ubiquitous]

To whoever was asking why Stretch Armstrong in that Honda ad is sniffing his armpits, he's sppsd to be kissing his biceps. It's something douchebag bodybuilders do for some reason.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

The Drambuie (sp?) commercial with the tall, leggy blonde behind a drum set makes no sense to me at all. I suppose it's implying that buying and drinking Drambuie will make you glamorous, darling!

 

 

Seriously, it makes no sense at all.  She doesn't even seem that glamorous.  She seems like she's on heroin or something.

 

I had to youtube this one because I was curious, and yeah, this is nonsensical. It's like Patsy Stone showed up to do this commercial.

 

 

[ParadoxLost]

Wasn't the screaming goats a thing like two years ago. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWSnkfPq9Mk

Edited November 24, 2014 by ParadoxLost

[CarpeDiem54]

To whoever was asking why Stretch Armstrong in that Honda ad is sniffing his armpits, he's sppsd to be kissing his biceps. It's something douchebag bodybuilders do for some reason.

Oh! Glad I don't hang out with douchebag body builders then.

[Muffyn]

So if you get a Toyota Corolla, you'll want to spray the walls with buckets of jizz, then shine multicolored lights on it and have a party?  Okay, maybe it's white paint, but between the spray from the buckets and having it shot out of tubes, it is pretty damn disgusting.  Party on, Corolla owners!  Just make sure you wash up really well afterwards.  And you may want a shot of penicillin just in case.  

[EighteenTwelve]

"Happy Honda Days" bothered me last year, and it took me forever to figure out why.  It's because it sounds enough like "Happy Hunger Games", when I'm only half paying attention, to make me wonder why a car company wants to kill me.  I'm not sure what that says about my brain.

[90PercentGravity]

I just saw an ad for Brevo, an inhaler for people with COPD that said "Brevo is not for people with asthma. It has been shown to cause an increased risk of death in people with asthma. It is not known if this increased risk affects people with COPD." Erm... wha? You are advertising it for people with COPD and you don't even know if it might kill them?

[merylinkid]

I saw that one too.   I wondered "is that what clinical trials are for, to find out the side effects like DEATH" before releasing it to the general public?

[xls]

This was based on an actual occurence at Atlanta's Lenox Square Mall.  They did, indeed, push turkeys out of a helicopter, thinking they'd fly & not plummet like giant cannonballs.

Aww, that's very sad, poor things!

[Cobalt Stargazer]

I can't decide if this ad annoys me or not, so I'll put it here.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yle5MgVG8ww

[Moose135]

Aww, that's very sad, poor things!

 

Well, you know a lot of turkeys don't survive Thanksgiving...

[janie jones]

I'm pretty sure my Thanksgiving turkey didn't plummet to its death.

[Bruinsfan]

I had to youtube this one because I was curious, and yeah, this is nonsensical. It's like Patsy Stone showed up to do this commercial.

Hell, I'd buy the damn stuff if I saw that in a commercial. Patsy's recommendation for a liquor brand would be more golden than the honey they pour in the scotch to make it!

[xls]

I swear at one point the dad in this commercial is saying "I need a whore'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmsAdOX3pys

(but I know its "horse")

[DrSpaceman]

Did I seriously see a commercial tonight during one of the NFL games of a robot maid watching a woman do aerobics from behind and not at all subtlety stroking an erect cactus the entire time? WTF? I don't even know what the ad was for.

I can't decide if this ad annoys me or not, so I'll put it here.

I hate it

Also hate the SUrfacePro-Ipad jingle to walking in a winter wonderland. My 12 year old could write a better parody song.

And finally I hate the apple commercial where it tells me I can make phone calls from my computer and ipad, if I have an iphone I assume, and based on the commercial it appears you need your iphone to make such a call.......so what is the point? Or maybe the commercial just isn't explaining how you do it.

[peeayebee]

Did I seriously see a commercial tonight during one of the NFL games of a robot maid watching a woman do aerobics from behind and not at all subtlety stroking an erect cactus the entire time? WTF? I don't even know what the ad was for.

I think it was for a thermostat or some kind of device to operate things in the house. But, yeah, I kept wondering if that robot was really watching her like a creep. There was a shot of the dog watching the robot, so I wondered if the robot was actually looking at the dog, but… Very weird.

[DrSpaceman]

I think it was for a thermostat or some kind of device to operate things in the house. But, yeah, I kept wondering if that robot was really watching her like a creep. There was a shot of the dog watching the robot, so I wondered if the robot was actually looking at the dog, but… Very weird.

You're right, it was something you could use to control your home electronics or appliances with one device,or something like that.

[heebiejeebie]

I'm pretty sure my Thanksgiving turkey didn't plummet to its death.

 

Yeah but its got to make anyone who ever ate a turkey burger wonder.

 

Not sure which alcohol commercial it is.  But it has the young guy getting home to an excited dog and he apologizes because he stayed the night instead of drinking and driving.  The ad wants you "to make plans to get home".  The implication here being that the guy screwed up.  He should have made plans to get home that night.  To which I say "I think you are muddling your messages here".  Yes, as a dog owner myself, getting home to let the pooches out is a good thing.  But to me the message is somehow that the guy not driving, not being dead, not taking out an innocent sober driver is still somehow wrong.  Because scooping up a pile of dog poop or moping up some dog piss is such a bad thing.  I don't look forward to it, but I pretty much figured out poop, piss and puke among other things come with having a dog.  As frantic as my dogs can be in those moments when I get home much later than usual, I think, not to elevate my own self worth or anything, they would much prefer me being late than never. 

[Stella MD]

 

But, yeah, I kept wondering if that robot was really watching her like a creep.

The robot really is watching her like a creep - first he stares at her ass while masturbating the cactus, then when she closes the shades he makes a creepy comment about mood lighting. I guess we're supposed to infer that the new device allows robot-like control of the house without worrying about any anthropomorphic skeeviness? (Or that a robot who looks like a human male must automatically must have the attributes of a commercial husband, that's why he's too lazy to close the blinds and thinks only about sex and she snarks at him like a yogurt-bitch?)

[Jamoche]

Not sure which alcohol commercial it is.  But it has the young guy getting home to an excited dog and he apologizes because he stayed the night instead of drinking and driving.  The ad wants you "to make plans to get home".  The implication here being that the guy screwed up.  He should have made plans to get home that night.

If it's the one I'm thinking of, I must've seen a longer version of that one where the guy doesn't get home at all - the dog just waits forever - because he drove drunk, in a sort of "it's a wonderful life" alternate-reality. Then it resets to the guy making the right decision. So the message is supposed to be "make plans to get home eventually instead of not at all".

Edited November 28, 2014 by Jamoche

[heebiejeebie]

Yeah after looking up the full minute ad it does make more sense if a rather morbid one (which I'm wondering if that is why I've only seen the truncated version).  The half minute ad also has two taglines.  One that uses the minute version and another that voices over using the term ride which defeats the message since it is simply get home safe no matter how you do it.  I wonder if PETA weighed in on cruelty to animals or something.  Knowing how people think they probably also are still getting letters about how they left the poor dog to die after his owner was killed drunk driving ;)

[xls]

I can't decide if this ad annoys me or not, so I'll put it here.

At first I thought it was a Saturday Night Live skit with Ady Bryant.