S03.E05: Amber's Story

[gunderda]

Such a sweet and beautiful girl! 

Why do these stinking Mothers keep feeding their children to death? I thing jealousy is an underlying part of it. I think constantly overfeeding them is an act of hostility.

 

I think it's more so they feel bad for their child because the child feels bad, and they don't know what to do for them and don't want them to be mad at them for refusing to give them food, so they do what makes them the happiest - gives them as much food as they want. 

[Betweenyouandme]

I agree that the people in the airport were not necessarily snapping pictures of Amber but of the whole spectacle. Odds are they didn't know what was going on. They saw a camera crew and a very large woman being wheeled around on a luggage cart in a strange position that made her look like a figurehead. They may have thought they had stumbled into a movie shoot and just wanted to show their friends, "Hey, look what happened at the airport today! I think I saw George Clooney!" I understand that Amber was feeling extremely self-conscious and assumed that they were mocking her and I guess that's the message we have to take from it. We all have moments where we feel like a dork and think everyone must be staring at us, and if you're 600 pounds that feeling is 24/7.

Even if the people in the airport with the cameras had completely sweet hearts, I wish they'd thought that perhaps it would come off as hurtful or embarrassing. They looked like grownups. It's like as a child, didn't a grownup tell them it's impolite to stare? I intend to tell my child it's also very impolite to take pictures of strangers or even people you know if they're unaware the picture is taken or it would be used to laugh at. Maybe these people would have done the exact same thing no matter what or who was being filmed...but I do wish they'd have some ability and desire to put themselves in another's situation and think it could be upsetting.

[gunderda]

Even if the people in the airport with the cameras had completely sweet hearts, I wish they'd thought that perhaps it would come off as hurtful or embarrassing. They looked like grownups. It's like as a child, didn't a grownup tell them it's impolite to stare? I intend to tell my child it's also very impolite to take pictures of strangers or even people you know if they're unaware the picture is taken or it would be used to laugh at. Maybe these people would have done the exact same thing no matter what or who was being filmed...but I do wish they'd have some ability and desire to put themselves in another's situation and think it could be upsetting.

 

I agree but a lot of people in the world just do not have common sense or respect for other people.  And it's sad really. 

[Oinky Boinky]

Is it more heartbreaking if a person is better looking? Because that's how I'm reading it. I don't mean this to sound snarky but I am very curious about this sentiment.

We are so used to people having confidence and life adjustment issues because they have either intellectual challenges or they are physically unattractive or limited, that this case is baffling. She is so pretty and so articulate people can't understand how she got so low. 

That's what makes it seem more heartbreaking.  She didn't have innate challenges. Something else was piled on her at an early age. Someone said a jealous mother. 

The world should have been her oyster and somebody did her in.  That is sad.

[AdorkableWitch]

Amber's story was so hard for me to watch. She is very much a "there but the grace of God go I" situation, and I share some of her anxiety issues. I cried when I watched it, and it's taken me two weeks to comment. I hope she does well.

[scowl]

After forcing myself to watch Pauline's episode, I watched Amber's again to restore my faith in this show. Not only is she pretty but is very articulate and doesn't seem to suffer from the hazy thinking that others have. Her brother wasn't an enabler -- when she was able to take care of herself, he went back to his own life. She lost nearly 300 lbs and was able to drive again (important when you live in Troutdale). Rarest of all, she smiled at the zoo when the seal kissed her. People on this show almost never smile. This episode seemed like a series of miracles compared to the others. 

 

I still look at the lymphedema and can't see how that can ever be fixed without horrifying surgery. I also can't figure out how their immune system can function when so much lymph fluid is resting statically in their bodies. It seems like any kind of infection could grow in it quickly spread.

 

I hope everyone liked the carpet in our airport because it's about to be replaced.

[jcbrown]

(did she sound like Ellen Page to anyone else?)

Yes! Thank you! I knew she sounded like someone and never would have come up with Ellen Page! But that is exactly who she talks like!

 

I second that thank you. I caught a bit of the rerun today and it was driving me nuts trying to figure out who she sounded like.

[NJRach]

I second that thank you. I caught a bit of the rerun today and it was driving me nuts trying to figure out who she sounded like.

[NJRach]

I can't help but wonder if something tragic happened in the past with Amber's family. Her parents seemed so shut down. Amber had an enormous sense of guilt about her weight, her parents seemed to want to help, but they also were kind of detached. The aura around the house was as if the parents had lost a child. I know it's just a theory, but I wonder if something like that happened. Amber seemed so apologetic for her existence. It just bothered and saddened me.

Edited February 24, 2015 by NJRach

[Guest dutronc]

I wonder, too. But then I remember part of the "Britain's Fattest Man" series and he made a comment to the effect of his sister no longer speaking to him because his food addiction bankrupted their mother. Maybe the tragedy is the addiction and the drain it's been on the family's emotional and financial resources. Amber could just have been a nervous kid who was fat and felt bad or ashamed about it, and then at some point it became the only thing she was.

[lulu69]

Did anyone else catch the popup on the supersized episode that stated BOTH Amber & Rowdy have gained a 1/4 of their weight in the 2yrs they have been together. Some major codependancy & buddie eating going on there.

[Bellalisa]

I second that thank you. I caught a bit of the rerun today and it was driving me nuts trying to figure out who she sounded like.

If any of you watch Switched at Birth, she looks and sounds just like the Bay character on that show. If Bay were to gain 500 pounds she would look just like Amber. And they have the same voice and accent.

 

Edited February 24, 2015 by Bellalisa

[gunderda]

Did anyone else catch the popup on the supersized episode that stated BOTH Amber & Rowdy have gained a 1/4 of their weight in the 2yrs they have been together. Some major codependancy & buddie eating going on there.

 

I don't find that very surprising. I would think that happens to a lot of people.  You get into a relationship and you feel comfortable.  You don't feel like you need to watch your weight because that person should love you for you. 

[angelsplotch]

So I fell down a rabbit hole and watched yesterday's marathon, culminating in Amber's story. One thing I really noticed in comparison to the other stories they've shown, of all the patients doing that "life is full of challenges/lemons/box o' chocolates" voiceover in the beginning, Amber was the first one who actually sounded like she could have written or said that. Chuck, in particular, could never have been self-reflective enough to sum up his experience in soundbites like that. (Gah- I did not like Chuck.)

 

Does anyone know what happened with Ashley? She was part of the 7-year group, and I liked her and was rooting for her. Her mom was a jerk who thought she was hilarious teasing Ashley about her weight, and her dad died of cancer a few years into the program.

I'm really late to this conversation, but just wanted to post about Ashley. I live near where she does, and have seen her a couple of times grocery shopping, the last time maybe eight months ago. To me, she looked pretty much like she did at the end of her episode, but I definitely didn't want to stare so I couldn't say if she's lost more since then. She definitely looked like she had been maintaining well though. Her mom was a piece of work, but it did appear at the end that their relationship was improving.

[aliya]

Because I have no life, I have been watching the episodes on YT and trying to look up recent info on the patients. I found Amber on twitter and she looks even more beautiful. She still has big arms and I can't tell exactly what her legs look like now, but she has lost more weight and looks good. I was so happy to see her and that she's tweeting upbeat thoughts and not that constant 'I'm a failure' rant she was on before.

[notyrmomma]

Because I have no life, I have been watching the episodes on YT and trying to look up recent info on the patients. I found Amber on twitter and she looks even more beautiful. She still has big arms and I can't tell exactly what her legs look like now, but she has lost more weight and looks good. I was so happy to see her and that she's tweeting upbeat thoughts and not that constant 'I'm a failure' rant she was on before.

Amazing https://www.facebook.com/rachdi 

[leighroda]

Somewhat off topic, but I'm from Houston and the area where her apt was is the area I grew up in, the park scene was across the street from my high school; I spent many a day practicing (dance team) in the field behind her. I'm not sure where exactly dr nows office is though, but I'm a little surprised it seems like it's not really close, I would guess that if she was moving for the primary reason of surgery she would love closer, but I suspect that the area near his office is expensive if it is where I think near the med center, I actually think quite a few of the show participants live a little further away now that I think about it, so I guess my statement is pointless. The area where Amber lived is one of the cheaper areas but lately they have been renovating and the cost of living might be going up.

I agree with Dr.Nows lack of bedside manner, but it is true that as a group surgeons tend to not have the best bedside manner since they are usually handling asleep people, generally surgeons aren't the ones actually seeing the patients through the whole process the see them immediately before and after, but then either a specialist or pcp take over. I can also see in Dr.Nows case where his disposition probably helps him, he's not the most empathetic person and I sometimes cringe at the way he talks to people, but I also can't imagine the amount of bs he deals with, with all the penny/Pauline's of the world (ps my puppies name is penny I didn't know about this penny when I named her, she's more than a year old or I would consider changing it) so I can see where he maybe has become more callused in his approach. I think there is a lot we don't see, especially in regards to therapy/nutritionists.

[millennium]

This episode was shown in "Extended" version tonight.  

 

One thing that struck me is how far we have deteriorated as a society.   When I was growing up, if you happened to encounter someone who had a very visible handicap, deformity, or other condition, you made a deliberate effort not to stare, not to make them feel uncomfortable in any way.   Maybe you said to yourself, "There but for the grace of God go I."  That's how I was raised anyway.

 

But in this episode, multiple assholes with cameras openly and unabashedly stopped to take pictures of Amber as she was wheeled through the airport on the luggage cart.   Why?  So they could send them to their friends? "LMFAO!  Check this out!" Post them online? 

 

How did we get to a point where taking a picture outweighs (no pun intended) all sense of compassion?   And how did we get here so fast?  

 

If people want to snark on her size privately, I have no problem with that.   None of us are saints.    But to her face, while she's helpless and at the height of humiliation?   Disgusting.

[Armchair Critic]

She must have taken her Facebook page down. I looked at it when it was first posted here and was surprised she was still with her boyfriend. I hope it's because she really loves him and he is good to her and not just because she feels comfortable with him or grateful that he liked her at her biggest.

Edited April 15, 2016 by Armchair Critic

[Guest dutronc]

On her twitter she said something like, "exhausted moving in with a new partner!" not too long ago. I read back and it seemed like she and Rowdy were still together until right before the post about moving. Who knows, really, but like with Christina, I'm a huge advocate of some stretches of alone time between partners, especially for people who missed out on the teen/young 20s era of being able to make easy-to-recover-from mistakes.

[stillhere1900]

===

Edited April 15, 2016 by stillhere1900

[stillhere1900]

I don't understand why it called an "Extended"  episode if an ending to the story isn't shown ?

 

Did she say that she weighted 160 lbs at 5 yrs old ? Because the pictures that were shown of her a 5 yrs old, she did not weigh 160 lbs.

 

 

I like her and she seems to have a shift in her confidence. I think she'll be successful. Hopefully, creepy bf will still be around when she's smaller.

 

I doubt it. He clearly has a  "fat Fetish:

Edited April 15, 2016 by stillhere1900

[Christina]

I think the people who photographed her always existed, they just didn't have cameras. Now, with websites like People of Walmart and a camera in every pocket, those people can gather together in anonymity to point and laugh. I also think there is something about the camera crews being around that draws attention. Some people may have had the attention drawn to them by camera crews, and took photos in case it turned in to something. 

 

I know in high school, long before many people had access to the internet and Facebook didn't exist, I still went to school with people who thought everyone needed to know every single thing that went on in their life, from what they had for lunch to who they spoke to on the phone the night before. Some people are just narcissistic and some people are just jerks.

[cynicat]

But in this episode, multiple assholes with cameras openly and unabashedly stopped to take pictures of Amber as she was wheeled through the airport on the luggage cart.   Why?  So they could send them to their friends? "LMFAO!  Check this out!" Post them online?

 

In all fairness, that's not a sight you see every day, and with the camera crew around people might have thought she was someone famous.  Or on a reality TV show--wait, she is on TV.  Granted, some people are cruel, but that's not everyone. Admittedly, if I saw a very large person being wheeled through an airport on a luggage cart, with a whole camera crew following them, I'd like to think I wouldn't stare and take a picture but I don't know for sure.  At the very least I would take a peek and say "what the fuck???"

[ClareWalks]

I don't blame people for staring (particularly with a camera crew there), but getting out their camera is really taking it too far. Especially since that poor girl looked absolutely humiliated. It's not like she was waving and smiling at the crowd.

[millennium]

I think the people who photographed her always existed, they just didn't have cameras. Now, with websites like People of Walmart and a camera in every pocket, those people can gather together in anonymity to point and laugh. I also think there is something about the camera crews being around that draws attention. Some people may have had the attention drawn to them by camera crews, and took photos in case it turned in to something. 

 

I know in high school, long before many people had access to the internet and Facebook didn't exist, I still went to school with people who thought everyone needed to know every single thing that went on in their life, from what they had for lunch to who they spoke to on the phone the night before. Some people are just narcissistic and some people are just jerks.

 

Thank you for turning me on to People of Walmart.   I never heard of it before.    It's like low-budget Diane Arbus.

[ethalfrida]

Thank you for turning me on to People of Walmart.   I never heard of it before.    It's like low-budget Diane Arbus.

Anyone who mentions Diane Arbus instantly wins the internet...

[riverblue22]

I got curious about Amber and found her FB page.  She is going to be a speaker at a conference along with Dr. Now and another patient, Melissa.   Good for her--she is a beautiful girl!

http://www.obesityhelp.com/articles/obesityhelp-conference-keynote-speaker-fireside-chat-my-600-lb-life?utm_campaign=oh2016&utm_medium=newsfeed&utm_source=oh-social

[Armchair Critic]

On Melissa's update she was a sloppy mess who had gained weight, if she is speaking at this conference hopefully it means she got herself together. She looks better in the picture for the conference if it is a recent one.

[auntjess]

I somehow missed Amber the first time it aired, so I just now watched it.
I went to her Facebook page, and she mentioned she's trying to finance skin surgery.
If you're on FB, it's the 8/7 post.  https://www.facebook.com/Amber-Rachdi-414308372067092/
Does Dr. Nowzardan no longer do it? 
Did she have a follow-up show?  She seems to be a success.  Her legs were so big, that I can she'd really need it.
She reminded me of Whitney Thore, in that she seem to be barefoot most of the time.

[notyrmomma]

She must not be under TLC contract anymore because she is showing full body pics.  GOOD FOR HER!!!!  I hope she can get skin surgery (with a real plastic surgeon).

[AmberSaysHi]

Hi! I found this thread on accident while looking for an old press article on my show. I am overwhelmed by your kind words and wishes and was floored by some of the insight and empathy you folks possess. I absolutely had to make an account here to thank you. There seem to be a lot of recurring questions here too, so I figured I'd also stay to answer some of them!

I didn't wear shoes because the overhanging lymphedema tissue made it really difficult to get and keep shoes on. It was uncomfortable and chafing to even wear sandals, so by and large, I didn't. The soles of my feet are leathery, as a result. Even though I'm down around 250 now, surgery on my legs would be difficult, because all of the soft tissues and skin of my lower legs were involved. It's easier to remove damaged tissue when you have discrete masses.

Rowdy was a school bus driver when we lived in Troutdale with my folks. Kinda has that Otto from the Simpsons vibe, right? He's also disabled ex-military and is currently taking time off of work while he goes through a series of surgeries related to his service-connected disability.  He hopes to someday drive professionally again. He's an excellent person and still my best friend, but we figured out after a while that what was between us was more friendship than romance. I was looking for something a little serious, like kids and marriage, and he doesn't want kiddos. We went our separate ways over a year ago, but I have him on speed dial and we remain very close. Throw him a Semper Fi and a thank you if you run into him. :)

How do I currently manage my anxiety? I'm at the gym 4-6 days a week. It's hard to have nervous energy when you have no energy whatsoever. Other than that, I am still too anxious to live. Hurricane season scares the snot out of me.

I moved into Westchase, just outside beltway 8, to the one Houstonian who was asking! Dr. Now practices off of Bellaire near Stella Link, so it wasn't terribly far.

Regarding the folks on phones taking pictures in the airport, I agree it was more the spectacle of having a small film crew around a woman on a luggage cart than anything else that drove them to snap pictures. I think they needed the voice over for narrative reasons saying how shocked and embarrassed I was, but I am neither shocked nor appalled that folks did what they did. I would rather assume the best of others, and I would also be curious in that situation.

Dr. Nowzaradan is, surprisingly, very sweet in person. I adore him to bits. His bedside manner is far better than you'll see on TV.

Thanks again, guys! I hope this is sufficient!

[Miss Chevious]

Thank you for sharing. You've come a long way! Good luck to you in the future.

[crazycatlady58]

Amber, It is nice to hear  from you. I live just outside  of Houston  and hurricanes worry me also.  I am happy  things are going  well  for you. Keep up the good work  and know there are a lot of people  you do not know that are pulling  for you 

[Ocean Chick]

Hey Amber - thanks for dropping by and saying "hey" and answering a few questions.  Congrats on the weight loss so far, and I hope you are able to make your final goal, and find happiness in your future.

[auntjess]

Welcome Amber!
Congratulations on all you've accomplished, and hope you're able to get the skin surgery you need.
Will there be a follow-up episode on you?  It's nice to see them on successes.

[AmberSaysHi]

3 hours ago, auntjess said:

Welcome Amber!
Congratulations on all you've accomplished, and hope you're able to get the skin surgery you need.
Will there be a follow-up episode on you?  It's nice to see them on successes.

No ma'aam. I do have active social media if you'd like updates from time to time, though. Looks like you guys have already found the links, but there's no harm in posting them here for safe keeping. If you have any other pressing questions, feel free to hit me up. And thanks again.

To the one person who said the world should have been my oyster, you really got me thinking. Thanks for causing a moment of reflection!

https://twitter.com/AmberRachdi

https://www.facebook.com/AmberRachdi/

[ClareWalks]

@AmberSaysHi thanks for the update! Glad things are going well for you. You are radiant and your eyebrow game is on fleek :)

[mamadrama]

10 hours ago, AmberSaysHi said:

No ma'aam. I do have active social media if you'd like updates from time to time, though. Looks like you guys have already found the links, but there's no harm in posting them here for safe keeping. If you have any other pressing questions, feel free to hit me up. And thanks again.

To the one person who said the world should have been my oyster, you really got me thinking. Thanks for causing a moment of reflection!

https://twitter.com/AmberRachdi

https://www.facebook.com/AmberRachdi/

@AmberSaysHi I have been following you on social media for awhile. It's a shame that the producers didn't capitalize on your awesome sense of humor, because you are a hoot. I even learned about the whole "byefelipe" thing from you and now use it regularly when I post stalker letters to me on my professional page. Thanks for dropping in and updating us. We do love our snarking when it comes to this show but I will honestly tell you that you have been one of our favorites and we were/are totally rooting for you! 

[auntjess]

A question for Amber, please.

On the U-verse cast and credits for the show, the top 2 listed are Dr. Michael Dow, and Henry Foots.  Then others, including Dr. Nowzarden and his are name.
Who are Dow and Foots?  Thanks.

[4leafclover]

I am pretty sure Henry Foots was a former patient who died about 3 years ago.  He lost almost 500 pounds.  Maybe it was a dedication?

[auntjess]

It reads as part of the credits, on the onscreen U-verse program guide.
If it's a dedication, it's a strange place to put it, rather than at the end of the program.

[4leafclover]

Ok, I've looked them both up on the internet and Henry Foots is definitely the patient who died in 2013 but Dr. Michael Dow is a psychotherapist who is shown to be the "host" of the show in season 1.  I don't remember there ever being a host.  Very confusing indeed.  

[auntjess]

Thanks! 
You know HGTV does that on shows, still lists Ahmed Hassan (the first--and best) on the description of Yard Crashers, and does the same for a couple of other shows.
 

[bounnatalie]

I just saw this episode last night. It was inspiring to me because you could easily identify with her.  Amber is definitely beautiful inside and out. I think her family was also wonderful. Her brothers were so supportive. I mean, they moved to support her.  Her mom struck me as not really knowing how to help, and seemed almost elated when she was able to have the surgery.  I liked how she was motivated and determined.  She walked when it was probably really hard to do so. When she went to the therapist, it seemed like the therapist hit the nail on the head. We all make decisions in the past we regret and need to forgive ourselves for them.  I do get a kick out of the fact that the therapists, nutritionists, etc. always seem to be super healthy and attractive people :)  The doctors must be able to tell who is really on the program of diet and exercise. He asked her to lose less than he had asked the others (though this is only my third show), it seemed like her process was expedited.  But, could be the editing. Hope they have a where are they now one for Amber.

[BellyLaughter]

Watched Amber’s episode today... I know a little late!! 

Was so struck by her self awareness and eloquent self reflection.... I am so pleased to see her journey continues to be a success! 

One of this show’s more inspiring stories! 

Well done Amber! 

[BuyMoreAndSave]

On 2/6/2015 at 9:19 PM, KarmaG said:

I had similar thoughts about him. I was just happy Amber had a supportive partner. His job status isn't my business and had nothing to do with Amber's issues. I also think him getting fast food when she was eating healthier was a production move. Makes no sense he'd be so supportive and then suddenly scarf down fast food in front of her.

I know this comment is from over four years ago, but I actually think it's not bad or unsupportive if family members are eating fast food in front of the patient. The patient has to learn to deal with the everyday temptations of unhealthy food. Sometimes other people are going to be eating stuff that they can't eat and they have to get used to it. Otherwise how are they going to deal with going to a restaurant with friends, birthday cakes at the office, holiday dinners, and so on?

[ProTourist]

1 hour ago, BuyMoreAndSave said:

I know this comment is from over four years ago, but I actually think it's not bad or unsupportive if family members are eating fast food in front of the patient. The patient has to learn to deal with the everyday temptations of unhealthy food. Sometimes other people are going to be eating stuff that they can't eat and they have to get used to it. Otherwise how are they going to deal with going to a restaurant with friends, birthday cakes at the office, holiday dinners, and so on?

I have to disagree. One's home should be a safe haven, at least during the early stages of  trying to change one's diet or to break an addiction. For example, if a family member were recently diagnosed as diabetic, it would be insensitive for other family members to eat cake or ice cream in front of the person while they are struggling to make the adjustment.

Annjeanette went through this same issue with her father in last week's episode. She talked to him about it and he agreed to stop bringing the unhealthy foods into the home. Eat it at the store, in the restaurant, in the car, etc.

I think give the patient six months to a year, depending on how well they are adjusting, before the household goes back to 'normal'.

Edited April 8, 2019 by ProTourist

[BuyMoreAndSave]

23 minutes ago, ProTourist said:

I have to disagree. One's home should be a safe haven, at least during the early stages of  trying to change one's diet or to break an addiction. For example, if a family member were recently diagnosed as diabetic, it would be insensitive for other family members to eat cake or ice cream in front of the person while they are struggling to make the adjustment.

Annjeanette went through this same issue with her father in last week's episode. She talked to him about it and he agreed to stop bringing the unhealthy foods into the home. Eat it at the store, in the restaurant, in the car, etc.

I think give the patient six months to a year, depending on how well they are adjusting, before the household goes back to 'normal'.

On the other hand, other family members having to walk on eggshells around the patient and modify their behavior to avoid upsetting them is exactly the kind of disordered behavior that has to be repaired. In many cases the family members have already made big sacrifices for the patient and they have to be free to live their own lives too.

[ProTourist]

20 hours ago, BuyMoreAndSave said:

On the other hand, other family members having to walk on eggshells around the patient and modify their behavior to avoid upsetting them is exactly the kind of disordered behavior that has to be repaired. In many cases the family members have already made big sacrifices for the patient and they have to be free to live their own lives too.

I can see your point, but I don't think the goal is to avoid upsetting the person, but to give him/her the best chance of succeeding -- and I think the whole family would be motivated to want the person to succeed, especially if the person has been a big drain on the family's resources for a long time, so that their home situation would improve. Make the sacrifice of no junk food in the house, at least for the first several months, and they will all be better off in the long run.

In the case of Annjeanette with her father, she was following her therapist's advice in talking to him about it, and she was in her own home -- he was visiting for her surgery, which had been delayed due to lack of weight loss. And we've seen nutritionists who make home visits tell them to get rid of all the forbidden foods, because there have been disagreements about just who is eating it, and because it's too much temptation.

Obviously there is a difference of opinion here. Perhaps if the patient is still in the family home, it might be too much to ask. But whoever makes the move to Houston with him/her, should be prepared to live in a "clean house" for the duration.