S02.E07: Gone Girl

[Duke2801]

I just wish for the love of all that is holy, Tori would stop bleaching her fucken hair  It looks like total shit & would look so much nicer brown... she needs to start all over with a brown pixie cut.

 

I agree, although I think it's highly unlikely that she'll do that at this point, unfortunately. But I remember thinking how much BETTER her hair looking during that 1 season of 90210 (or 2 at the most?) that she was a brunette. 

 

If she'd at least tone it down (like how Kendra and Holly Madison have done since their Girls Next Door Days) it would be a drastic improvement. 

[4leafclover]

 

I shamelessly was one of the six people that watched all six or eight episodes on OWN a few years ago because apparently I'll watch anything.  I don't think anyone else watched -

Raising my hand in shame and covering my face--I too watched that series.  I even bought the book.  I'm going to stand in the corner now for a time-out.

[One Tough Cookie]

hate Dean for making me side with Tori re: the rehab girl.  If she is clean, I give her credit, but there I no ay I would want a person {other than my husband} fresh out of rehab caring for my kids.  So screw you Tori for making me agree with you, altho you weren't concerned about your kids, you were worried about Dean's peen.

 

I wonder how much her "friends" are paid?  I can't imagine how exhausting it must be to be around her for a coupe of hours, never mind a whole day.  And I immediately picked up on her frenzied buying the next morning, she was just picking up items and not really looking at them.  No wonder they are always broke--who needs a cabbage patch game?  And unless those Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew books are first editions, they aren't worth anything.

 

How convenient that right after you arrived home to find that everything as going all right you simply had to go to urgent care.

 

Ugh.  She's pathetic.  But not in  an interesting, car crash kind of way.

Edited December 3, 2014 by One More Time

[TheRealT]

I wish we could have read Mary Jo's thoughts when they were chatting, and Tori said that Candy-gram will try to get info out of Mary Jo. Sheesh. Talk about self-centered and self-important. 

I also loved the bit about Tori being worried that Mary Jo was trying to get money from Candy. What? Projecting much? I love that MJ seems to be having fun participating in T&D's reality TV train wreck. She always comes off much cooler, relaxed, attractive, and sane than the Drama Twins and she's very smart about positioning herself to get camera time and to be portrayed positively. Of course she was talking with Candy at the party; she knew that that would get on camera and that it would bug Tori (and, therefore, Dean). Well played. I'm sure that Candy appreciated someone acting normal and friendly with her since the atmosphere was probably very tense and most of Tori's (paid) friends and sycophants would be nervous about being seen talking to Candy lest Tori grill them about it later.

 

The "friends" on this show have to be paid, right? I can believe that they do have some kind of personal relationships with Tori, but they are paid to film scenes for the show, right? Otherwise, I can't figure out why any of them would spend this much time listening to her whine and cry, taking care of her kids, doing errands with her, etc., etc. How could that many adults have that much free time? Courtney has a kid, right? Where is her child while she's taking care of Tori's kids so Tori can hang out at home with Dean or spending hours and hours with Tori? Assuming that girls' weekend wasn't completely faked, these people actually had to take 24+ hours out of their lives to go to Santa Barbara with her, right? Who would do that to film scene after scene of Tori whining, bitching, and generally sucking all the air out of the room?

 

 

Also, no sympathy for the cryfest at Wexler's. At all. Tori, you were sheltered, fed, educated, and were not beaten, as far as we know. And you enjoyed a fabulous lifestyle, a spot on a hit TV show, and an $800,000 payday. I often think of this quote: "Life is hard. For all of us." Time to backburner yourself and put the kids front and damn center.

I thought that the emergency counseling session was Tori's way of making sure that Candy was trashed on the show. At the party Tori was running around telling people that Candy would be trying to get dirt on her (or something), but Candy didn't do anything or say anything about Tori. Tori could never let the episode be completed without painting Candy in a negative light, so she had to film the sobfest over how Candy didn't hug her enough 40 years ago. The opportunity for Tori to portray herself as a much better mom who hugs her daughters super tight all the time was a bonus. I think it was very brave and supportive of Candy to appear on the show at all. At this point, she knows for sure that Tori will take every opportunity to trash her. That's what Tori does. Candy must have to be really careful not to do anything that could be filmed and used to make her look like a bad mom/person. These parties are the only opportunity she has to spend time with her grandkids and she can't relax and enjoy it.

 

I loved So Notorious and thought it was an intelligently written and incredibly funny look at "Tori's" life--I put her name in quotes because it was supposed to be a take on what people thought her life was like, not what it actually was.  And because of that show I really liked Tori.  She came off as a bit spoiled, but (in a clueless sort of way) grounded.

I liked So Notorious too and it gave me new respect for Tori. Before that I thought of her as kind of a joke, the dumb, unattractive girl on 90210 who only got the job because of her dad. On SN she seemed smart and funny and likable. I guess that proves that she does have some talent as an actress after all.

[ghoulina]

Also, no sympathy for the cryfest at Wexler's. At all. Tori, you were sheltered, fed, educated, and were not beaten, as far as we know. And you enjoyed a fabulous lifestyle, a spot on a hit TV show, and an $800,000 payday. I often think of this quote: "Life is hard. For all of us." Time to backburner yourself and put the kids front and damn center.

 

All of that means little and less compared to real, genuine love from your parent. Children who aren't told that they are loved or shown affection CAN grow up with serious problems. Even if they have all the material comforts one could want. The problem is, I never know who to believe in the tales of how Tori grew up. If it's true that her mother was cold and degrading, and never told her that she loved her - then I don't care how big the house was or how nice the schools, that fucking sucks. But Tori has a tendency to exaggerate and repaint the past, so I just don't know what to think. 

 

Not to mention that she has been in therapy for DECADES. She should have her shit fixed by now. Or at least made SOME progress. I'm of the opinion that Tori has no desire to actually fix herself, because then she would no longer receive sympathy (attention) from people. Victim status for life! So, yes, I believe she genuinely has some serious problems, but her refusal to legitimately address them and work on on getting better makes me not care. 

So screw you Tori for making me agree with you, altho you weren't concerned about your kids, you were worried about Dean's peen.

 

That's a really good point. Not once did she mention that she would be concerned for the kids' safety with this chick. She was just talking about how it would look to her for him to have a girl over so soon after he cheated. Now, apparently this woman has been discussed as a potential nanny twice before, so maybe it HAS come up. But knowing Tori, she always makes it about herself. 

[parisprincess]

I know several people who had less than ideal childhoods (much worse than Tori's), but almost every one of them made the decision not to let their past define them.  If their parent/parents weren't affectionate, they show tons of affection to their kids.  If their families were non-caring and emotionally absent, they strive to be just the opposite.  Tori is so busy throwing herself pity parties because of her "horrible" childhood and the fact that her cheating ass got cheated on, that she can't let go of anything. 

 

Also, I am so sick of her wanting to be friends with Mary Jo because she thinks they have both gone through the same thing.  The two situations are NOT alike!   I hope Mary Jo keeps Tori at arm's length so she doesn't get drawn into her black hole of doom.

[TheRealT]

 

Also, no sympathy for the cryfest at Wexler's. At all. Tori, you were sheltered, fed, educated, and were not beaten, as far as we know. And you enjoyed a fabulous lifestyle, a spot on a hit TV show, and an $800,000 payday. I often think of this quote: "Life is hard. For all of us." Time to backburner yourself and put the kids front and damn center.

All of that means little and less compared to real, genuine love from your parent. Children who aren't told that they are loved or shown affection CAN grow up with serious problems. Even if they have all the material comforts one could want. The problem is, I never know who to believe in the tales of how Tori grew up. If it's true that her mother was cold and degrading, and never told her that she loved her - then I don't care how big the house was or how nice the schools, that fucking sucks. But Tori has a tendency to exaggerate and repaint the past, so I just don't know what to think. 

 

Not to mention that she has been in therapy for DECADES. She should have her shit fixed by now. Or at least made SOME progress. I'm of the opinion that Tori has no desire to actually fix herself, because then she would no longer receive sympathy (attention) from people. Victim status for life! So, yes, I believe she genuinely has some serious problems, but her refusal to legitimately address them and work on on getting better makes me not care.

ITA that money, material things, and even not being beaten do not automatically make a wonderful childhood. It's clear from Tori's years of public complaining about it that she was at least somewhat unhappy as a child and that she is still struggling with issues from her childhood. Usually, I would be the last person to mock or question that. My problem with Tori is that, though she's literally made a career of castigating Candy for being a terrible mom, she can't seem to come up with anything really heinous that Candy did. I believe that Tori wanted more attention, hugs, and nurturing as a child and I even believe that Candy was less warm and hands-on than I think a parent should be. The thing is, a lot of people wish their parents had been more attentive and affectionate. A less self-involved adult might think, "Gee, I wonder how my mom was raised and how much her parents hugged her?" I'm not saying that Tori has no right to be upset about or to discuss her experiences with her mom, but she seems to completely lack perspective. A lot of people have strained (to whatever degree) relationships with their parents, but healthy(er) adults learn to accept some things about their parents that they don't like, communicate with their parents around some things, look at how they can change to make the situation better rather than putting all the onus on their parents, etc., etc. That's life. Tori makes every. single. slight. that she has ever suffered into THE BIGGEST DEAL EVER that can never be forgiven because IT HAPPENED TO TORI. The harm she does to others is insignificant and merely the byproduct of Tori doing what she has to do to take care of herself.

 

I don't think she's "lying" about her childhood, but she certainly has a tendency to exaggerate and to manipulate narratives to paint herself as a victim. Therefore, I take her accusations against Candy with a grain of salt. Also, the accusations just don't seem that bad to me. As I understand it, the major themes are that Candy wasn't warm enough, she was too critical, she competed with Tori for Aaron's attention, and she won't give Tori millions of dollars now. Tori is entitled to her feelings about all of that, but Candy is entitled to her feelings too and I can imagine that she has "counterarguments" to all of those points. Also, I think Tori's kids could fairly accuse her of many of the same crimes. Setting aside who's "right" and who's "wrong" about the past, Tori is abusive to her mom all the time now by trashing her publicly. I've only seen Candy say very mildly negative things about Tori in her own defense and she generally says nothing bad about Tori publicly. She has also helped Tori financially and she seems to keep trying to be a part of Tori's/the kids' lives in whatever way Tori will allow. I actually wouldn't blame Candy if she chose to sever all ties with Tori based on how Tori has treated her since Aaron died.

Edited December 3, 2014 by TheRealT

[Texasmom1970]

I was sick with a cold, migraine and having a panic attack (nod to Tori), and decided to watch this show. My first episode and all I can say is WTF did i just watch. Thank you Tori and Dean and all your issues, now I need therapy for just seeing you an hour!

Wow my family is the model for sanity compared to thsee crazies. Tori dies not need one therapist she needs a whole team. The only positive thing I can say is the children are cute! But they will be lucky to turn out normal growing up in thus shit storm.

[Persnickety1]

She's already done that but they called it a "docu-series".   I shamelessly was one of the six people that watched all six or eight episodes on OWN a few years ago because apparently I'll watch anything.  I don't think anyone else watched - not even Oprah, lol.   It was called The O'Neals or something and all about Tatum moving back to LA and working out her relationship with her father.    It was pretty raw.  I have no idea what her relationship with Candy is though.   Weird. 

 

Hattie looks exactly like Candy Gram. 

 

Count me in that 6 people.

 

Damned thing was so memorable I had forgotten it had even existed until I read your post.

 

We should turn ourselves in to the reality television police for subjecting ourselves to it.  

[henrysmom]

My problem with Tori is that, though she's literally made a career of castigating Candy for being a terrible mom, she can't seem to come up with anything really heinous that Candy did.

 

 This, and the fact that Tori can't seem to grasp the fact that she isn't all that great a mom herself.  And her kids are young yet.  Lord knows what damage they are going to go through by the time they hit their teens.  Pulling the plug on all this reality show stuff would be a great start to Tori's realizing that if Candy damaged her, the damage she is doing to her own kids is much, much worse.  At least Candy's bad parenting moments aren't caught on film for the rest of the world to watch.

[iwasish]

If Tori has complaints about her childhood, I can only imagine what her own 4 are going to say about theirs. Every family has crap going on, some worse than others. Some kids sail thru it and others wallow in self pity and regret the rest of their lives.

 

 

I did like Dean telling his daughter that it was selfish of her to be complaining about no monkey bars instead of thanking the guys for building their playhouse.  

[alexa]

I agree with all of the above comments that Tori needs to realize that if she thinks she has mommy issues, she needs to start looking after her own children.  It is obvious the older children are showing signs of feeling unhappy and somewhat neglected.  The younger kids just haven't gotten old enough to catch on to it yet. 

 

I also agree with all of the comments that she needs to move on and grow up.  Even if she felt her mom could have loved her more, you just have to accept things and move on at some point.  I think many of us could point back to something less than perfect in our upbringing, but I don't think we all go on about it every day for the rest of our lives.  At some point you recognize them as human beings that weren't perfect and be grateful for the ways they did show you love and care for you.  Didn't Tori just admit on some show recently that she regrets that her dad created a divide between her and her mom?  I am pretty sure she said that on that hour long special about Tori and Dean.  If so, that alone should make her see her mom as a human and just let it go.

 

Also, it is nice to see at her website that the majority are not holding back on telling her how they feel.  Some still kiss up to her, but many are telling her how it is :-)

Edited December 3, 2014 by alexa

[Thula]

I'm confused. Tatum would have had to sign a release to appear on camera so I doubt Tori and Dean had NO idea she would be there. They would have had to have the release signed in advance because the camera crew is not going to film someone without a release and then awkwardly have to blur their face and voice out when they edit all of those scenes. Anyhool, i think Candy brought Tatum to make Tori jealous but I don't think it worked! Tori was more jealous of Candy and Mary Jo exchanging numbers. Did Tori make any effort to really hang out with her mom (after all Tori was the hostess)?

For all of Tori's histrionics over Dean's bad parenting, I haven't seen her do any real parenting herself this season. She's hiding in her bedroom during her 3 year old's party, and generally doing nothing else but berating her husband and self indulging in her "therapy" and feeling sorry for herself. Why wasn't she concerned about leaving Dean "alone" with the kids during her two extended hospital stays this year? Is leaving leaky recalled breast implants in your body risking your health despite your doctors' urging to remove them - exemplary good parenting?

[Vixenstud]

My mom thought I was on the phone during last night’s eppy….little did she know that my crazy ass was talking to the telly!

 

Candy and Tatum O’Neal – Um….what in the bluedilly fuck was that about?!  And is Tatum on the he-rawn again?  ‘Cause only a high bitch would tell me in my own house that I need to get my wife to come downstairs and say hello to my mother!  And her snotty ‘Who are you?!’ to Mary Jo?  Trick, your last serious role was a Rescue Me arc, until you are ballin’ again stay in your lane, have a sandwich and STFU! 

 

Dean should have told Courtney/Kate/Jess to leave the room before telling Tori about Candy/Tatum’s arrival; those hos were hovering around like a coven hyping Tori up, I would have been pissed and walked away too.

 

Damn, you know Candy and Tori are estranged when the coolest baby, Finn, recoils from her touch.

 

No Tori, Mary Jo and Candy were not talking about you….surprise, but there are far more interesting things in like to talk about than Victoria Davey Spelling all day, all the time; and low blow from her about Mary Jo talking to Candy for possible money.

 

Laura the babysitter – Why in the hell did she text Tori about Dean’s female friend from rehab?  I’m sure Dean would have mentioned what he was doing to Tori once she got back home.  I’d be giving that bitch serious side eyes from now on.

 

Text-Gate – Now, I get her concern about the former rehab girl possibly being a babysitter, especially when she’s said as much to Dean before.  But like Courtney said, while it wasn’t the best choice at least he was trying to get another babysitter; instead of bitching, could ya give the man a smidgen of props?!  If I were Dean I would have been done when she hung up on me….I wouldn’t have answered any of her texts, telling her that if she wanted to talk about what happened then call me on the phone like an adult!  And please, with the ‘Let it fucking be over’ comment…. if Dean were to really take you up on that comment you’d be running after him too quick so shut it.

 

Humph – When Tori was ‘crying’ at Dr. Wexler’s, by the time she was through I saw not….one…tear on her face.

 

Mehran and the Smurf Truck – For a second I drew in a breath awaiting Mehi’s reaction to Tori’s bitchy response when he suggested that she didn’t need to buy the truck:  ‘Fine, I won’t get the truck and when the kids ask why, I’ll say Uncle Mehi didn’t want you to have it!’  To his credit, he stared at her then told her to go on and purchase the truck; anyone without patience would have reamed her out.  She’s so lucky to still have him in her life after 25 years, not too many people would put up with her neurosis.

 

Sad, but when Dean was with the kids having fun it was like Casa de Sunshine….soooon as Tori pulled up in the driveway up came the dark clouds, reverting back to the House of Fuckin’ Doom!!

Edited December 3, 2014 by Vixenstud

[MrsPatrickBateman]

This is such bs. Tori can't trust Dean to watch the kids ever, however she leaves her horde of children to get yet another sickness. It's your baby's birthday party you selfish skeleton, suck it up and be there for your child.

Also incredibly rude to to talk about Mary Ko and saying she was out for money.

[jennylauren123]

And her snotty ‘Who are you?!’ to Mary Jo?  Trick, your last serious role was a Rescue Me arc, until you are ballin’ again stay in your lane, have a sandwich and STFU!

 

It's your baby's birthday party you selfish skeleton, suck it up and be there for your child.

 

Y'all are killin' me today!

[Mckinnonsgirl]

My suspicion is that Tori was a child who needed the acceptance and love of a nurturing parent, but the time period she was born was at the height of Mr. Spellings television empire, for which I'm sure the children were given ample material baubles of love, but not the warmth and tenderness of parents who had their attention solely focused on their children.

 

Years ago a friend of mine told me that I was lucky because at least my parent's showed affection toward me me and that she envied our closeness. She went on to say that while she knew her parent's loved her in their own way, that she missed the hugs and verbal communication and always had a what if they don't in the back of her mind.   I of course was surprised because I would always gripe about how over protective my parent's were and wished they could back off as I felt I was being suffocated, it made me appreciate them much more.

 

My long winded point is this, regardless of what social class we're born into, we all want to be loved, even the most hardhearted person.   But until Tori learns to let it go and say, the hell with it Mama Candy is never going to change and I'm just going to accept and love her for who she is, she's always going to be crying in Wexlers office, which would suit a therapist just fine in the wallet area.

 

I think Tori needs to sit around with a group of no nonsense everyday working women and men for a day and we'd have better luck getting her to see the light, then the butt kissers she's hanging out with now.

 

On the off chance Tori reads these boards, girl please rise above the BS and show us your capable of so much more than the hot mess we're seeing on our screen right now!

Edited December 3, 2014 by Mckinnonsgirl

[Vixenstud]

Most Adorable Scene of the Day - Hattie calling a ladder a 'yadder'....such a cutie!

[Lexie]

I started off thinking that Tori's mother was probably distant emotionally and that is where all of Tori's complaints come from since they seem so petty.   But now I am 100% Team Candy.    Tori is an suckhole of emotional neediness and a paranoid basketcase on top of it.   Nothing will ever be good enough for Tori and she is constantly thinking that everyone is out to get her.    She should be glad that both Mary Jo and Candy showed up on this trainwreck of a reality show after everything she has said about them and done to them, and when they try to make normal civilized conversation she jumps right in to accusing Mary Jo of trying to hit Candy up for money and Candy of trying to get dirt on Tori.    I don't think Mary Jo is hurting for money, she's not paying 7 grand a month to story her hoarders collection for one thing.   And Candy doesn't need Mary Jo for dirt on Tori, because Tori is showing the crazy every Tuesday night right now.   

 

I think that Dean trying to hire that person as a nanny was just a big fuck you to Tori and her rules and her trying to control him.  I wouldn't hire her either but clearly Dean is not going to roll over and be Tori's lapdog, which is the punishment she really wants to give him for the affair.  Tori should know by now that Dean is going to do whatever he wants, like when he walked out on his wife and son and the baby they were adopting at the time.   All she's doing is complaining about what he does and trying to make him obey her, and it's not working.    

[lizzy07]

It seems to me that in the end, Tori is going to lose both Dean and Mehran (boy did he seem miserable to be around her).

[psychoticstate]

Mehran's "You used to get exicited about jewelry." Was jewelry part of her products, the stuff they did together for money that she just dropped in the last year?

 

I know Tori thinks she should do this show to punish Dean, but why is she punishing all their friends (or "friends"), their fans and their (I'm guessing) dwindling audience?

 

Yep, Tori used to have a jewelry line that she sold on HSN or QVC.  I remember one of her earlier reality shows where she and Mehran were looking over merchandise and what pieces she would show on a trip to Florida.  He's right -- she did get excited over it.

 

I'm assuming that is one of the businesses she let fail once the cheating scandal erupted.

[LostControl]

Honestly I can't think of much I've ever seen Tori do with the kids. It's Dean who had a tea party with them, Dean jumping in the bouncy house, Dean fishing, Dean riding bikes, etc. All I've seen Tori do is baking and crying while scrapbooking.

A few thoughts:

Does Tori get Dean's approval when hiring staff?

Whatever happened to her real friends (guncles? Brandy? Jenny? She mentioned all these people in previous shows and in her books. Who are these 'new lifelong best friends?'

Why did they make a big stink about Jack inviting 90 people to his party (and ultimately limited it to 50), when it was obvious more than that was at Hattie's party? Why does a 3-year-old need a multi-thousand dollar party? Why does a 3-year old get a more expensive birthday party than my wedding?

And finally , why on earth does Tori think a glass I water can get rid of a migraine? Time to head upstairs and pull out the morphine, fiorinal, dilaudid, or at least ask Tatum O'Neal if you can get some of whatever she's on.

[LostControl]

"So when my children ask, "why didn't you bring home the Smurf bus, mommy?" I'll tell them you wouldn't let me..."

WTF?

"Well, I was going to bring you children home the cutest little Smurf bus, and you could have played with it, and had parties with it, and taken it to school to show all your friends. Mommy wanted SO much to get it for you, but mean uncle Mehran said you guys couldn't have it. You're not worth spending $5 on. "

Tori - you realize if you never TELL the children about the stupid Smurf bus, they'll never know about it. It's you that's torturing your own children if you mention it. Just SFU about it.

[LostControl]

I started off thinking that Tori's mother was probably distant emotionally and that is where all of Tori's complaints come from since they seem so petty. But now I am 100% Team Candy.

I wonder what Candy was like as a mom? She seems fairly normal from interviews I've seen of her - it makes me wonder if Tori is so needy that no matter how much love and affection she got maybe it wouldn't be enough. That explains why her and Dean get along so well - she constantly craves attention, he craves constant sex. It probably also explains all the kids - there's always at least one to hug and hold, that wants her attention.

In the end Tori has got to get a "good" psychiatrist to tell her that she can't always get attention from others. You have to feel content being alone as well. Dean can't provide 24/7 attention for her - or he will have to go back to that crack habit just to have the stamina to keep up

[Miss February]

Too bad Tori can't accompany Ryan O'Neal to one of Tatum's special occasions, and then indignantly advise Tatum when to come downstairs and say hello to her father.  

 

Tatum's on the wrong side in the Tori and Candy relationship, in my opinion.  Candy didn't abuse Tori as overtly as Ryan did Tatum, but there's definitely emotional damage.  Tatum has more in common with Tori than she does Candy.

[TheRealT]

Candy's comments on the wrong she's done to Tori:

http://www.eonline.com/news/603087/tori-spelling-gives-update-on-feud-with-mom-candy-there-s-not-much-of-a-relationship-watch

 

 

"I am by no means saying that I am the perfect mother now or I didn't make mistakes when my children were growing up. In therapy I learned that I was passive-aggressive and that I also had poor communication skills," Candy wrote in the book. "Having said that, I also believe that there comes a time when you have to stop blaming your parents. I have learned from my own journey that at some point you have to take responsibility for your own actions and attitudes."

[4leafclover]

After watching Tori (once again) bombarding her "friends" with her own woes and dominating the "whine" trip with her misery,  and seeing that Dean wants to hire his rehab acquaintance to be the children's nanny, and Tori inviting her husband's ex-wife to their 3 year old's birthday party and stressing over her mother's visit and Tatum's party crashing, I wish for this family to receive as Christmas presents some well written books on establishing boundaries and breaking the chains of co-dependency.  Enough with Dr. Wexler--she appears to be totally ineffective.

[wallofsound]

Does Candy Gram see her grand children? Or are these parties and photo ops her only chance? I'm not really clear on how often any of them see Candy, Tori included.

I loved the (not so) subtle shade thrown by both Candy and Tatum about how f-Ing hot it was at the party compared to how cool it is where they live. T lives in the hot ass Valley and Candys behind lives near the coast in a much, much more desirable location. That was great

Edited December 4, 2014 by wallofsound

[TheRealT]

Does Candy Gram see her grand children? Or are these parties and photo ops her only chance? I'm not really clear on how often any of them see Candy, Tori included.

Dean said that they only see Candy at birthday parties and other special occasions, about 8 times a year.

[Lexie]

I wonder what Candy was like as a mom? She seems fairly normal from interviews I've seen of her - it makes me wonder if Tori is so needy that no matter how much love and affection she got maybe it wouldn't be enough. That explains why her and Dean get along so well - she constantly craves attention, he craves constant sex. It probably also explains all the kids - there's always at least one to hug and hold, that wants her attention.

 

No doubt she wasn't perfect, but I honestly think that if there was anything truly horrifying that Tori would be justified in being angry about it still in her forties we would have heard about it by now.  She wrote multiple books and looooves to air out the dirty laundry so I'm guessing it really is such petty nonsense as being dressed in pastels, having her dolls put away unopened to preserve them, etc.    She's got nothing on Candy that would explain her constant bitching about the 'complicated' relationship.   I remember in one of the books that Tori wrote something about how after her boob job Candy supposedly let the dogs in and they jumped on her.   After seeing how paranoid she is and how she has a habit of thinking every little thing has an ulterior motive I'm guessing that was just Tori being a nut.   I heard Tori say they never work on the relationship.   To me that translates as Tori wants to whine and bitch some more about the trivial nonsense, with no real intentions of working through it and moving on (just like she is doing with her marriage right now), and Candy is not entertaining her tantrums anymore.   I haven't read all of the books, but from what I can see it seems like Candy has tried to move on with  Tori, is constantly treated like crap, then expected to swoop in and buy houses, rent them places closer to the hospital when Tori was hospitalized with Finn, etc. and then get trashed for petty nonsense that happened decades ago.   No amount of affection is enough for Tori.  Charlie was supposedly such a great guy, and look what she did to him.    She claims she wants to work on the relationship with Dean but it sure doesn't look like that to me.   I consider Candy just another victim of Tori's crap at this point.    Tori is the common denominator here, even her longtime friend Mehran is sick of her it seems.  

 

Dean said that they only see Candy at birthday parties and other special occasions, about 8 times a year.

 

I couldn't handle being in the house of fuckin doom or around Tori and Dean's misery 8 times a year.   Candy should get props for that alone.  lol

Edited December 4, 2014 by Lexie

[Crs97]

Wait, did Candy say she learned something about herself in therapy??? Must not be seeing Dr. Wexler.

[Cosmocrush]

Does Candy Gram see her grand children? Or are these parties and photo ops her only chance? I'm not really clear on how often any of them see Candy, Tori included.

 

Dean said that they only see Candy at birthday parties and other special occasions, about 8 times a year.

I have seen all of Tori's reality shows and I honestly had no idea they were still estranged.  When it was just Liam and Stella Candy showed up more than once but now that I think about it, it was always at a birthday party.   Still, they looked okay on camera - which I guess was the point.

 

I don't think Tori will ever cut Candy out of her life completely.  For one thing, it's just not that easy when the person is your mother, and probably much more difficult when that mother has $600 million dollars and Tori has four kids, expensive tastes, and a husband who is still chasing the dream of big money stardom in an industry where most of the people are not working actors.

 

I heard Tori say something interesting, and by interesting I mean odd, to Mehran when she was shopping.  He said something about making herself sick and she said something like , "Yes and when I get home I don't have a husband that will take care of me."  I don't doubt that Tori's illnesses are real but I also think she helps bring them on by stressing all the time and not the kind of a stress a mother of four would normally have either.  I'm not a doctor but  I wonder if all her physical ailments are a way [in her mind] to get Dean to "take care of her."  Wanting to be taken care of [maybe like the way her Dad did?] seems to be a reoccurring theme with Tori.  I was glad Tori's 'friend' Courtney told her she had to be happy with herself and then Dean's shenanigans wouldn't rule her life. Or something like that.  But unfortunately it seemed to go over Tori's head. 

[Lexie]

He said something about making herself sick and she said something like , "Yes and when I get home I don't have a husband that will take care of me."

 

I heard that too.  It was also interesting that she wanted to go to a hotel instead of home after claiming that she was so stressed about leaving her kids.   So she  supposedly has to be talked into the trip and then her first instinct is to stay away another day when she realizes that Dean is still not playing the do as I say game.  It's like she can't even keep her stories straight at this point.    I think Dean is going to be the one who ends it eventually.   He's on to her and I don't think he likes what he sees.

[Cosmic Muffin]

I hope she didn't think all those babies would take care of her. Maybe Dean would like someone to take care of him sometimes? Actually, I think he wants sex and affirmation that he matters, but that's not the point.Many of us didn't get all the nurturing we wanted or needed, maybe our parents weren't perfect or maybe they had to work, take care of the house, themselves, each other, elderly parents. Most of us got over not having someone take care of us. And we found nurturing partnerships in many cases. Nurturing adult partnerships, where both parties, you know, feed themselves. She reminds me of Michael Jackson, who didn't get a normal childhood but who claimed that was why he never acted like an adult. Sometimes I would like someone else to step in and be the adult. Sometimes I can ask someone else to make some phone calls for me, or ask them to bring me soup. And then later on I might do the same for them. Tori is just a bottomless pit of need. She thinks it's ok to always be the needy one. No one can ever meet her needs, no one can ever be enough. She needs to make herself be secure, but she has no idea how to do that or that she should try to do that.

[BettyPoz]

Why is mehran on this "girl's trip"?

my God! She doesn't stop! Blahblahblah shut the F up!

Ugh - I hate myself watching this shit has got to be scripted and were being played for fools. I'd hope not because of the kids but she's so narcissistic she probably doesn't thing twice about it.

[Darknight]

You know what, I hate when grown adults blame parents for their own mistakes and how they parent their children. Yes parents make mistakes. I have. My husband has. Some things I regretted, some things I did have to apologize for and tell my kids what I did to them was wrong. But guess what I don't abuse them. I had a tough childhood too, worse than Tori's but I didn't bring my childhood into my kids childhood. I parent differently from my own parents. I try not to make the same mistakes they did on me. That's the whole point of having your own children. You are suppose to parent them.

Tori has every right to feel upset when she feels her mother was a less than perfect mother. And from Candy she owns up to her mistakes but Tori just has to make it about Tori. Poor Tori, she had a horrible childhood. Poor Tori daddy didn't give her any money. Poor Tori she lives in a million dollar house with nannies and maids. Tori grow up and be a mother. I wonder if Aaron gave her all of his empire would she still be complaining like this? My gosh this woman is annoying. I also think Tori has some kind of personality disorder and loves therapy because she looks the attention and her therapist keeps feeding her poor me ego. Which is why I think she's in therapy for so long.

Now when her kids grow up, I can't wait until they write a tell all book about their life with Tori.

I have seen all of Tori's reality shows and I honestly had no idea they were still estranged. When it was just Liam and Stella Candy showed up more than once but now that I think about it, it was always at a birthday party. Still, they looked okay on camera - which I guess was the point.

I don't think Tori will ever cut Candy out of her life completely. For one thing, it's just not that easy when the person is your mother, and probably much more difficult when that mother has $600 million dollars and Tori has four kids, expensive tastes, and a husband who is still chasing the dream of big money stardom in an industry where most of the people are not working actors.

I heard Tori say something interesting, and by interesting I mean odd, to Mehran when she was shopping. He said something about making herself sick and she said something like , "Yes and when I get home I don't have a husband that will take care of me." I don't doubt that Tori's illnesses are real but I also think she helps bring them on by stressing all the time and not the kind of a stress a mother of four would normally have either. I'm not a doctor but I wonder if all her physical ailments are a way [in her mind] to get Dean to "take care of her." Wanting to be taken care of [maybe like the way her Dad did?] seems to be a reoccurring theme with Tori. I was glad Tori's 'friend' Courtney told her she had to be happy with herself and then Dean's shenanigans wouldn't rule her life. Or something like that. But unfortunately it seemed to go over Tori's head.

I wonder since Candy is such a bad mother and Tori bashes her every chance she gets. Candy should cut Tori off financially. But unfortunately she actually loves her grand kids

[Cosmocrush]

I hope she didn't think all those babies would take care of her. Maybe Dean would like someone to take care of him sometimes? Actually, I think he wants sex and affirmation that he matters, but that's not the point.

From what I've seen over the years Dean has been living  The Life of Riley.   He does whatever he likes and until this show, all with Tori's support. Instead of working (or trying to anyway) he decided he wanted to race motorcycles.  Tori's money outfitted him up and he was gone all the time trying to master that 'hobby'.  Then it was scuba diving.  Neither of which were things Tori could participate in with him - especially since she was always pregnant.   The Bed and Breakfast thing was cute but it wasn't real.  They took trips to Ireland (Dean's ancestry) and to Canada to see his family.  Then he wanted to go to culinary school so she put him through that and outfitted a chef's kitchen in their home(s).  That one actually paid off a little with some gigs on Food Network and Food Network Canada.  

 

They have four kids but I don't think Dean has ever been a stay at home Dad (meaning no babysitters/nannie's etc) even when they only had one child.  On this episode - ostensibly all about child care - Dean was in bed at noon when Tori left the house according to the time on the show.  Liam and Stella were probably at school and maybe even Hattie but the Finn was home with the regular babysitter. 

 

But my point is during Dean's married life to Tori he has 'been taken care of' pretty well.   Tori has been doing these reality shows, writing books, working on clothing lines, jewelry lines, producing a sitcom and getting it on the air, borrowing money from her mom, lol. etc.  Meanwhile, Dean has pretty much been doing whatever he likes including sleeping with at least one other person and then deciding he's got some sort of substance abuse problem and checking into rehab for  90 days.   Tori is crazy and controlling but I can understand why she feels like she has been supporting Dean for most if not all of their marriage and then the douchbag not only cheats on her but blames it on substance abuse.     I would be tired of it too.  

 

That's the whole point of having your own children. You are suppose to parent them.

Tori has every right to feel upset when she feels her mother was a less than perfect mother. And from Candy she owns up to her mistakes but Tori just has to make it about Tori. Poor Tori, she had a horrible childhood. Poor Tori daddy didn't give her any money. Poor Tori she lives in a million dollar house with nannies and maids. Tori grow up and be a mother. I wonder if Aaron gave her all of his empire would she still be complaining like this? My gosh this woman is annoying. I also think Tori has some kind of personality disorder and loves therapy because she looks the attention and her therapist keeps feeding her poor me ego. Which is why I think she's in therapy for so long.

 

That's a good point about the therapy.  The one year I saw a therapist I referred to her [to my friends] as my "paid friend".  Someone I paid to listen to me bitch and complain and help me try to figure it out.  All one sided, unlike real frienships. 

 

I do think if Aaron had left her millions instead of hundreds of thousands she would most likely have blown through it by now with Dean's help.  Maybe not if she had some good financial people but probably.  Who knows? 

Edited December 4, 2014 by Cosmocrush

[Lexie]

But my point is during Dean's married life to Tori he has 'been taken care of' pretty well.   Tori has been doing these reality shows, writing books, working on clothing lines, jewelry lines, producing a sitcom and getting it on the air, borrowing money from her mom, lol. etc.  Meanwhile, Dean has pretty much been doing whatever he likes including sleeping with at least one other person and then deciding he's got some sort of substance abuse problem and checking into rehab for  90 days.   Tori is crazy and controlling but I can understand why she feels like she has been supporting Dean for most if not all of their marriage.  Sorry, but one guest stint on a TV show isn't going to pay the bills.

 

She knew what she was getting into.   Tori knew right off the bat that Dean would be responsible for child support, and they openly talked about Tori being the breadwinner on their show.  She's been ragging on him for his hobbies and not looking for work since way back, the only difference now is that she has the affair to hold over his head.  None of this is new but she kept right on having kids and buying houses and blowing money the whole entire time.  She bitched about the motorcycle racing, played the 'its dangerous' card, complained about the females he was scuba diving with, etc.   Also, Tori herself wouldn't have had that reality show money if Dean wasn't participating with her.   She has been selling their story since the very beginning.   Other than Mystery Girls I don't think she has done anything since they met.

[WhoaWhoKnew]

From what I read in Tori's first book, I think Candy and Aaron were just emotionally unavailable when Tori was a kid. She got most of her parental needs met by her nanny, which both Candy and Aaron (I'm not sure why Tori gives him a pass on this) should take the blame for, but complaining about this at age 40 isn't a good look for anyone. Really the only thing she can do now is try to give her kids a more emotionally fulfilling environment than she had, which is obviously not happening.

I just find it funny that, according to her book, her favorite childhood passtime was to go to the beach with Candy to look for sea shells. Candy would buy perfect sea shells and hide them in the sand for Tori to find, so it's not as if Tori was completely ignored and not taken into consideration by her at all.

Edited December 4, 2014 by WhoaWhoKnew

[iwasish]

I really don't have an ounce of sympathy for her. She and he jumped into this relationship with unclean hands on both their parts. Made excuses for their behavior by claiming soulmate status and left a mess in their wake as they pranced off to domestic bliss, or not so domestic bliss. Too bad , so sad. Karma is a bitch.

[Cosmic Muffin]

I'm watching The Soup, and about 18 minutes in this episode of True Tori received a lot of discussion and recapping. Too much to recount all of it here, but Joel McHale did compare the whole episode to a peyote trip, where you wake up on the rug missing a pinky toe. Oh, and Candy hangs out with Tatum "because she wants to hang out with someone more together than Tori". 

[TheRealT]

 

From what I've seen over the years Dean has been living  The Life of Riley.

Absolutely. Dean is living better than he ever has. I don't believe for a second that he would still be with Tori and calling her his soul mate if they were living in a dumpy 3-bedroom house and working regular jobs to pay for it.

 

 

I just find it funny that, according to her book, her favorite childhood passtime was to go to the beach with Candy to look for sea shells. Candy would buy perfect sea shells and hide them in the sand for Tori to find, so it's not as if Tori was completely ignored and not taken into consideration by her at all.

I haven't read the books, but I've heard various anecdotes (from Tori) about Candy doing special things and spending time with Tori when she was growing up. That's why I don't take her portrait of an unfeeling, abusive, monstrous mother seriously. I believe that Candy was an imperfect mom, but it seems that she was a pretty "normal" parent who loved her kids and showed them in various ways, but came up short in some areas.

Edited December 4, 2014 by TheRealT

[Miss February]

Dean wanted to get back into acting after two years and was concerned if he would be accepted.  After his first audition he got a big break and was cast in an episode of CSI.  I would have expected him to have spent the time right before he started the eight-day shoot honing his craft, learning his lines, exercising and getting plenty of rest.  But, instead of creating a less stressful environment and allowing himself the time to prepare, two days before he started work, he sent Tori on a girls' trip that she was stressfully dreading, and one which would leave him in charge of four very young kids for two days, he decided to interview a person for a nanny position, a person he knew was a point of contention with Tori and so would be one more thing to really upset her, and he scheduled a construction crew to build a playhouse in the backyard.  This all took place on Monday and Tuesday, with his first day of work beginning on Wednesday.   He didn't seem at all pressured to prove himself so that people in the industry would take him seriously.   The job seemed like the furthest thing from his mind.  He's just not a serious actor; it's almost like an afterthought.

[maxmama]

If there is no daily drama in her life, Tori will manufacture something and then get sick over it. Being sick over everything is then her escape. Her self pity is her sickness. I actually feel sympathy for Dean, the guy can't breathe right according to Tori ever since HE. CHEATED. ON. HER. I almost can't blame him for it, she is unbelievable. I get the devastation, really I do, but at some point, if you decide to stay with the guy and work on your marriage, then you have to get on with it. I actually enjoy the scenes with Dean and his kids, at least he tries to have a little fun with them and genuinely seems to enjoy them as the little people they are. Tori is so busy looking for something Dean is doing wrong she doesn't seem to enjoy her kids,,or anything else for that matter. I sure hope her "friends" are getting some reimbursement for listening to her relentless moaning and groaning, I can't imagine anybody doing it for free.

[Persnickety1]

Just about the time I manage to squick out a fraction of a iota of sympathy for Dean-O, he does something so completely boneheaded that I immediately loathe him again.

 

You have 4 young children.  Busy, active, playful children.

 

You need a sitter for 8 days or however long filming is.

 

Do you:

A. Call the local service who has thoroughly vetted their applicants, can usually send someone over on very short notice, and has experience in dealing with celebrity clientele.

B. Call some random chick you met in rehab who clearly has/had some sort of substance abuse issue and could conceivably relapse at any moment...Including under the stress of watching 4 busy, active, playful children (and a random rehab chick your wife doesn't approve of, just to make the choice extra-special).

 

What a fucking idiot.

 

What normal person (and I realize Dean-O and Tori are far from normal) would hire someone they met in REHAB to watch their children?

 

I'm not even being judgmental here as I have many good friends who have been through rehab for various reasons.  I love their company but, damn, I'd be pretty hard-pressed to ever entrust my children's safety with them for hours on end every day, especially when I had the resources to call an agency and get someone verified, reliable, with a bucketful of references, who had worked with celebrities previously and knew about confidentiality and other such issues.

 

Okay maybe that random chick would never, ever, ever relapse...But why would you take that chance with the safety and well-being of your children?

 

Again, what a fucking idiot.

 

If he wants to be self-destructive with his own fucknuttery, that's one thing, but don't subject the children to less than the best care your (Tori's) money can buy.  

Edited December 4, 2014 by Persnickety1

[ghoulina]

Dean wanted to get back into acting after two years and was concerned if he would be accepted.  After his first audition he got a big break and was cast in an episode of CSI.  I would have expected him to have spent the time right before he started the eight-day shoot honing his craft, learning his lines, exercising and getting plenty of rest.  But, instead of creating a less stressful environment and allowing himself the time to prepare, two days before he started work, he sent Tori on a girls' trip that she was stressfully dreading, and one which would leave him in charge of four very young kids for two days, he decided to interview a person for a nanny position, a person he knew was a point of contention with Tori and so would be one more thing to really upset her, and he scheduled a construction crew to build a playhouse in the backyard.  This all took place on Monday and Tuesday, with his first day of work beginning on Wednesday.   He didn't seem at all pressured to prove himself so that people in the industry would take him seriously.   The job seemed like the furthest thing from his mind.  He's just not a serious actor; it's almost like an afterthought.

 

I don't know...the nannie thing was incredibly stupid, but I imagine with T out of the house things would be MORE relaxed. Dean never seems stressed out, to me, when he has the kids. It was only when Tori called and texted and they were having a disagreement that he got all worked up. 

 

You have 4 young children.  Busy, active, playful children.

You need a sitter for 8 days or however long filming is.

 

I still can't wrap my mind around WHY they need an additional sitter. They already have the one. Tori has nothing to do but get migraines and nag the life out of people. The two older kids are in school full time and I think the younger ones do pre-school. What in the frick do they need TWO nannies/babysitters for???

[trimthatfat]

From what I read in Tori's first book, I think Candy and Aaron were just emotionally unavailable when Tori was a kid. She got most of her parental needs met by her nanny, which both Candy and Aaron (I'm not sure why Tori gives him a pass on this) should take the blame for, but complaining about this at age 40 isn't a good look for anyone.

Well said. I can't remember who said this (Joel Osteen, maybe?), but he said something about how at some point, you have to just deal with the hand you are dealt and try to move past certain circumstances. You can't keep going on and on at 40 that mommy and daddy didn't hug you enough. Tori needs to move past whatever crime her mother committed. Candy probably made many mistakes as a mother, but I do not think she intended to be malicious. It's bizarre to me that Tori has been in therapy for so long, but has learned nothing.

Edited December 4, 2014 by trimthatfat

[Nancybeth]

Setting aside the issue of Candy for a moment, what I don't understand is why, if it stresses her out so much, Tori invites Mary Jo to the kids' parties? I mean, other than Jack's party, obviously. MJ has no connection to her four kids with Dean. I know why Jack is invited but I feel like having Mary Jo come is just making things worse for all parties. Do they really need to be BFF? Dean doesn't seem to want that. I think it's important that they have a good relationship because they're co-parenting, but I see no reason to invite her to every family social event.

[trimthatfat]

But my point is during Dean's married life to Tori he has 'been taken care of' pretty well.   Tori has been doing these reality shows, writing books, working on clothing lines, jewelry lines, producing a sitcom and getting it on the air, borrowing money from her mom, lol. etc.  Meanwhile, Dean has pretty much been doing whatever he likes including sleeping with at least one other person and then deciding he's got some sort of substance abuse problem and checking into rehab for  90 days.   Tori is crazy and controlling but I can understand why she feels like she has been supporting Dean for most if not all of their marriage and then the douchbag not only cheats on her but blames it on substance abuse.     I would be tired of it too. 

Tori wouldn't have these reality show opportunities or books if she didn't have a husband and children. She certainly wouldn't have this show if Dean hadn't cheated. It just renewed public interest in her. She was able to parlay that scandal with Dean/Mary Jo into a different career and then she was able to parlay Dean's cheating into a new series. I don't feel bad for her that she's supporting Dean - she made a decision and has to live with those consequences. Her ex seemed like a perfectly stable man, but she opted to find a man who works inconsistently and seems very unmotivated. Because of this, she has had countless reality show opportunities, book deals, and hosting deals. Oddly enough, if not for Dean, I don't think anyone would be talking about Tori.

Edited December 4, 2014 by trimthatfat

[ghoulina]

what I don't understand is why, if it stresses her out so much, Tori invites Mary Jo to the kids' parties? I mean, other than Jack's party, obviously. MJ has no connection to her four kids with Dean. I know why Jack is invited but I feel like having Mary Jo come is just making things worse for all parties. Do they really need to be BFF? Dean doesn't seem to want that. I think it's important that they have a good relationship because they're co-parenting, but I see no reason to invite her to every family social event.

 

I think she does it because it stresses her out. Then she can get a migraine, and run off to her room, and half a dozen people will follow her with ice packs and cold compresses. And they can peer out the window and gossip, and bring her medicine, and make sure she's okay. #Victimstatusforlife