Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Julia]

Not about gluten, but Mr. lookeyloo has his food sensitivities and one of them is cow dairy which means cheese which means no lasagna, cheesecake, etc. that he was a big fan of.  But, the migraines he got from ingesting these made him have a slight aversion to them.  He doesn't really miss them anymore.  He said if he were ever sentenced to death, he would ask for a giant cheesecake, because he would be so sick he would beg them to hurry up!    So maybe if you got really sick from eating something you might not miss it all that much.  Maybe.

Is it casein/dairy or is it lactose? Because they make pretty good versions of those cheeses from non-cow lactose-free milks. They're kind of spendy, but it might be worth it for a treat.

[lookeyloo]

Is it casein/dairy or is it lactose? Because they make pretty good versions of those cheeses from non-cow lactose-free milks. They're kind of spendy, but it might be worth it for a treat.

No. Not lactose intolerant. Something in the protein. Cow dairy = migraine. Not fun. One winter before we found out working with a doctor who was interested enough, I was poisoning him every night with pasta and Parmesan cheese which we loved. He would come home from work feeling less awful and I would dose him up,with the cheese and it would start all over again and we never connected the dots.

[wanderwoman]

Little Miss is doing ridiculous things to a biter biscuit just now. Lol. She's apparently pretty engrossed in it, so I have time to respond before she needs a bath.

I don't remember who asked which questions so I'll go rapid fire.

I will have to see what the rules for GoFundMe are. I appreciate the suggestion. Last time you guys offered, Wanderman was not having it, but I don't really care what he thinks at the moment. I do worry about how crazy things get when people start accepting online donations. People start sleuthing and I've seen it get nasty. I was one of the McMama readers early on. I would never want to give Maisie such a public footprint online. But I will think about it, I promise.

Maisie was on Medicaid for the first six months and then she was automatically enrolled in our states version of Head Start. But, unless I missed something, I don't think her prematurity or hearing loss qualifies her for a monthly stipend or anything. Her deaf services are deeply pro-rated and subsidized by the state. Her other medical needs are our responsibility. I am going to contact the Synagis people and ask about any programs (that is a great idea!).

I have been struggling with the attorney issue. For now, we have a mediated agreement that will be reevaluated in three months. We had a pre-nup because hubby had land when we met that was already in a trust for him. So, he isn't on the hook for much. He just took a pay cut, in fact, to decrease his support obligation. Jerk. I figure I should just consider Maise my responsibility and be pleasantly surprised if he does the right thing down the road.

His girlfriend's family are the most bizarre family I know. I've only seen them once. That was enough. They fully support their daughter's home wrecking ambitions so I'm sure they give zero f***¡& about me or my child. I heard today that she might be knocked up but that was third person info so time will out the truth.

I'm going to look out for playgroup as soon as I can. This will be our first flu season and little miss is still on O2. We are supposed to avoid groups this year. There's a lady nearby who has a child that was born premature about a week after Maisie so that might be a good friend.

Ok. She has biscuit in her ear and all over her receiver unit. I think that means bath time. Love to you all.

[bigskygirl]

{{{HUGS}}} for you and Maisie.  I have a few choice words for your jerk of a husband, but I will not post them. I can understand your fears of going on social media to do fundraising. You are a great mama and Maisie is lucky to have you.

[Wellfleet]

Little Miss is doing ridiculous things to a biter biscuit just now. Lol. She's apparently pretty engrossed in it, so I have time to respond before she needs a bath.

I don't remember who asked which questions so I'll go rapid fire.

I will have to see what the rules for GoFundMe are. I appreciate the suggestion. Last time you guys offered, Wanderman was not having it, but I don't really care what he thinks at the moment. I do worry about how crazy things get when people start accepting online donations. People start sleuthing and I've seen it get nasty. I was one of the McMama readers early on. I would never want to give Maisie such a public footprint online. But I will think about it, I promise.

Maisie was on Medicaid for the first six months and then she was automatically enrolled in our states version of Head Start. But, unless I missed something, I don't think her prematurity or hearing loss qualifies her for a monthly stipend or anything. Her deaf services are deeply pro-rated and subsidized by the state. Her other medical needs are our responsibility. I am going to contact the Synagis people and ask about any programs (that is a great idea!).

I have been struggling with the attorney issue. For now, we have a mediated agreement that will be reevaluated in three months. We had a pre-nup because hubby had land when we met that was already in a trust for him. So, he isn't on the hook for much. He just took a pay cut, in fact, to decrease his support obligation. Jerk. I figure I should just consider Maise my responsibility and be pleasantly surprised if he does the right thing down the road.

His girlfriend's family are the most bizarre family I know. I've only seen them once. That was enough. They fully support their daughter's home wrecking ambitions so I'm sure they give zero f***¡& about me or my child. I heard today that she might be knocked up but that was third person info so time will out the truth.

I'm going to look out for playgroup as soon as I can. This will be our first flu season and little miss is still on O2. We are supposed to avoid groups this year. There's a lady nearby who has a child that was born premature about a week after Maisie so that might be a good friend.

Ok. She has biscuit in her ear and all over her receiver unit. I think that means bath time. Love to you all.

 

Wander - Your post reminded me. With Winter coming and Maisie likely to be in contact with others a lot more, I'm hoping you find this useful. A single mom in AR - yep, Arkansas - sent this in to the Earth Clinic website. Honey water. She gives it to her little girl every AM in her sippy cup and she hasn't gotten sick at all, even though many others at her day care did. Cheap, easy, healthy, natural and EFFECTIVE. Certainly worth a try. Let me know if the link doesn't work for you and I'll PM you a copy of Dina's text. It's just a little thing but I hope it will be helpful to you. I was a teacher of tiny kids for 25 years and know how easily and how fast illness spreads among the little short folks. And one less problem is One - Less - Problem. Take care & have a great weekend...

 

http://www.earthclinic.com/remedies/honey3.html#immunity_4819

Edited October 11, 2015 by Wellfleet

[wanderwoman]

That's cool ('re: honey). We were warned to stay away from natural honey because of botulism or something similar. I wonder if processed honey would work? Everything gets complicated by her preemie status. Which reminds me, I should update my user pic. :)

[springtime]

That's cool ('re: honey). We were warned to stay away from natural honey because of botulism or something similar. I wonder if processed honey would work? Everything gets complicated by her preemie status. Which reminds me, I should update my user pic. :)

Go to the official Social Security Site to see if M qualifies for SSI 

Here is the pamphlet about benefits for children.

http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10026.pdf

 

I'm sure many of us here have been in your shoes (hubby wise)  Know and remind yourself that you and M will be okay.  My thoughts are with you.

[magpye29]

wanderwoman, check out WIC.  My husband had been in the army for 9 years and we qualified for it when I got pregnant with our son (our daughter was 3).  Some of our family members felt we shouldn't have taken it, but my philosophy was that if the government said we qualified for it, our taxes were helping to fund the program, so we took it.  Believe me, an E-4 20+ years ago wasn't making a whole lot of money, and none of that food went to waste.

 

I would be careful with the honey, but that's just my opinion.  I was overly cautious with my kids in some ways because I'd had two miscarriages and my first son had died before my last two were born.  I did not want to take any chances with them, even though I always "knew" my daughter would be fine.  I wasn't as confident about my son, whom we ended up calling the "head trauma magnet" because he was constantly smashing his head or face on things, but he turned out okay after a bad episode with OTC cold medicine three years ago, but that's a whole nother story.  

[Wellfleet]

That's cool ('re: honey). We were warned to stay away from natural honey because of botulism or something similar. I wonder if processed honey would work? Everything gets complicated by her preemie status. Which reminds me, I should update my user pic. :)

 

I'm sure it would be good for you at least. And Maisie might be able to start it after she turns one. But in your case, get the raw stuff if you can. Much more effective. There's a boatload of info on Earth Clinic, for nearly every topic in health. You might find some helpful info in the dealing with chemo side effects for example. Some really wonderful, affirming experiences & success stories.

Edited October 11, 2015 by Wellfleet

[ChocolateAddict]

Little Miss is doing ridiculous things to a biter biscuit just now. Lol. She's apparently pretty engrossed in it, so I have time to respond before she needs a bath.

I don't remember who asked which questions so I'll go rapid fire.

I will have to see what the rules for GoFundMe are. I appreciate the suggestion. Last time you guys offered, Wanderman was not having it, but I don't really care what he thinks at the moment. I do worry about how crazy things get when people start accepting online donations. People start sleuthing and I've seen it get nasty. I was one of the McMama readers early on. I would never want to give Maisie such a public footprint online. But I will think about it, I promise.

Maisie was on Medicaid for the first six months and then she was automatically enrolled in our states version of Head Start. But, unless I missed something, I don't think her prematurity or hearing loss qualifies her for a monthly stipend or anything. Her deaf services are deeply pro-rated and subsidized by the state. Her other medical needs are our responsibility. I am going to contact the Synagis people and ask about any programs (that is a great idea!).

I have been struggling with the attorney issue. For now, we have a mediated agreement that will be reevaluated in three months. We had a pre-nup because hubby had land when we met that was already in a trust for him. So, he isn't on the hook for much. He just took a pay cut, in fact, to decrease his support obligation. Jerk. I figure I should just consider Maise my responsibility and be pleasantly surprised if he does the right thing down the road.

His girlfriend's family are the most bizarre family I know. I've only seen them once. That was enough. They fully support their daughter's home wrecking ambitions so I'm sure they give zero f***¡& about me or my child. I heard today that she might be knocked up but that was third person info so time will out the truth.

I'm going to look out for playgroup as soon as I can. This will be our first flu season and little miss is still on O2. We are supposed to avoid groups this year. There's a lady nearby who has a child that was born premature about a week after Maisie so that might be a good friend.

Ok. She has biscuit in her ear and all over her receiver unit. I think that means bath time. Love to you all.

Your situation reminds me of a family friend who is also a single parent.  She once told me that she pities her ex for leaving, saying that every smile or laugh from her gorgeous toddler is a blessing so it's his loss not theirs.  Maisie has been on such a journey, it's sad for him that he has walked away from it all.  I hope for both of you that someone shakes some sense into him and that he provides for Maisie properly. 

[Love2dance]

. Which reminds me, I should update my user pic. :)

Maisie is beautiful. So happy to hear she is doing so well!

What kind of man takes a demotion just so he won't have to give his premie baby more money? That is just crazy.

Really glad you are going to look into some more support...you have earned it, and you and Maisie deserve it.

Hugs and more hugs.

[GeeGolly]

That's cool ('re: honey). We were warned to stay away from natural honey because of botulism or something similar. I wonder if processed honey would work? Everything gets complicated by her preemie status. Which reminds me, I should update my user pic. :)

Oh my goodness, Maisie is beautiful!!!!! As others have mentioned Maisie may qualify for SSI even with the other benefits she receives, and during the application period she would qualify for a small stipend. At this point, in your situation, you too would qualify for state benefits, at least in my state. It might be helpful to take advantage of state benefits now, before finding work, and while still on chemo. And if you do apply, the state will force your soon to be ex to pay child support.

 

And I remember those days when my kids were feeding themselves, I would find food in the strangest places. Maisie really is remarkably perfect - Gerber baby!

[Ilovemylabs]

On a lighter note.... I have a confession....

I'm 37 and love Bingo. I recently started going. All my friends and family joke about it and no one will go with me. :/. Some of the people are scary and look like they've had really hard lives. I stick right out like a sore thumb. But I don't give a shit. There's something zen about it.

I play Bingo online.  When I'm stressed it relieves tension.  You go for it!   (And I'm much older than you!) 

 

Edited to note that I'm not one of those little old ladies in polyester, with grey hair and a handbag.  I just play online for the fun of it.

Edited October 11, 2015 by Ilovemylabs

[Ilovemylabs]

Wander - Your post reminded me. With Winter coming and Maisie likely to be in contact with others a lot more, I'm hoping you find this useful. A single mom in AR - yep, Arkansas - sent this in to the Earth Clinic website. Honey water. She gives it to her little girl every AM in her sippy cup and she hasn't gotten sick at all, even though many others at her day care did. Cheap, easy, healthy, natural and EFFECTIVE. Certainly worth a try. Let me know if the link doesn't work for you and I'll PM you a copy of Dina's text. It's just a little thing but I hope it will be helpful to you. I was a teacher of tiny kids for 25 years and know how easily and how fast illness spreads among the little short folks. And one less problem is One - Less - Problem. Take care & have a great weekend...

 

http://www.earthclinic.com/remedies/honey3.html#immunity_4819

I have read that you should not give honey to a child under 1 year old.  Please check it out!

[lookeyloo]

Just Chiming in to say that Maisie is a beauty!

[Absolom]

An infant with a cochlear implant would qualify for SSI disability until age 5.  Of course, resource and income limitations would apply.

[Barb23]

Wander - Maisie is such a cutie pie! I can just picture her enjoying her teething biscuit. Thanks for keeping of all her internet grandmas, grandpas, aunts & uncles posted on her progress. We care so much about you & Maisie. Full frontal hugs to you both!!

[Readalot]

Wander- Maisie is too cute for words. I hope you find many occasions to smile today.

[emma675]

wander, Maisie is a stunner! You made a gorgeous kid.

 

CofCinci, I would totally go with you to bingo if we were in the same city! I love it but none of my friends do and I'm not ballsy enough to go by myself.

[JenCarroll]

Oh, my goodness, wander, she is a beauty! She's breathtaking. She could be a baby model (once her immune system is stronger). I actually know someone that did that; they socked away a good amount of money for college and stopped before the kid started kindergarten. I wish I'd though of it.

About GoFundMe, I think if you limit where you publicize it should be fine. As long as you're not trying to raise tens of thousands of dollars from strangers, or offering any investment returns, there's no reason for anyone to go digging. But do what you feel comfortable with, obviously.

<3 kisses for our Maisie, and wishes for you.

[wanderwoman]

Are you ready for this?

Today was supposed to be Maisie's day with her dad. He was supposed to be here at 9am to take her for a few hours. I had asked that, seeing as we are still legally married (albeit separated), he not bring HomeWrecker (hence to force known as HW). At 11:00, he arrived with HW. I told him M was due for her lunch by this point and asked if he had her bottles and special formula in his diaper bag. HW pops up and says, "kids need a few germs now and then"! I tried not responding to her directly and reminded stbx that Miss M is a special case and we are getting into flu season. HW talks over him and says, "Drama! Are you going to keep her in a bubble all her life?"

Stunned.

I didn't want to start something while I was holding Maisie but I haven't wanted to smack a person as much as I wanted to smack HW in that moment. I mean, wtf? Stud, who was two hours late, then says he is taking M to HW's nephews birthday at a pizza place and they'd stopped to pick up a gift and cake. How could he think that would be ok? I just told him I didn't think he needed M to go do that and offered that he could come by after to spend an hour or so with her and HW flipped! These were her words: "How were you ever married to this manipulative b?:!!? ... she's trying to keep you from M... I will never do that with our child."

Stunned again. So, she is pregnant and it's likely his. Omg. When will this end? I don't know what to do. They left. I have Miss M but I'm so upset for her. Who the helm does this chi j thinks she is and how could a father stand by and hear that and then leave? In a not so proud moment, I yelled that he was 9 days late with October's child support and he blaked his inability to pay on the cost of a "worthless trip" to my new place.

How can a parent be like that? I'm so angry I could scream right now. I don't know if I can handle this. I'm sorry to vent here but you guys have good advice. Was I wrong? Should I have let her go?

[Julia]

Oh, man.

 

Wander, I'm so sorry for you, your beautiful baby, and the innocent child those two horrors are going to raise.

[JenCarroll]

NO, you did right! What the hell is wrong with these people?

ETA I sent you a PM.

Edited October 11, 2015 by JenCarroll

[BitterApple]

Omg, Wander, I don't even know what to say.

You have a beautiful child, I pray that things start getting better for you soon.

[NextIteration]

How can a parent be like that? I'm so angry I could scream right now. I don't know if I can handle this. I'm sorry to vent here but you guys have good advice. Was I wrong? Should I have let her go?

 

First and foremost, Maisie is BEAUTIFUL!

 

You absolutely did the right thing, don't worry about venting to us, that's what we're here for after all.  It seems that this saga will never end for you, and if the stbx is tolerating this shameful treatment of you and endangering of Maisie, it's probably time to call the mediator, as in first thing when the office opens in the morning.

[Jellybeans]

I ould not have let her go either. Not a premie. Could you possibly circumvent future battles by getting a note from the Dr for your lawyer?

Also, my rommie has leukemia. Shes getting assistance from various agencies in the form of grants to help her pay rent, obtain food stamps, etc. Her Oncology Social Worker was able to get that started. SSA came in, the rest has not. I expect it to...

I am so sorry.

[NextIteration]

A doctor's note is an excellent idea, it takes your personality out of the equation.  Great point to bring to the mediator.

 

You were just posting about Miss M having limited exposure for this winter and this nightmare came along, I'm sure the doctor will comply with your request for that recommendation in writing.

 

I can't express how sorry I am that you are going through this.  {{{{HUGS}}}} <3

[Love2dance]

"Are you ready for this? I don't know if I can handle this. I'm sorry to vent here but you guys have good advice. Was I wrong? Should I have let her go?"

WANDERWOMAN, you did the exact RIGHT thing protecting Maisie from all those germs.

How dare he bring HW to your house. However, it sounds like he is getting exactly what he deserves in a girlfriend.....a real bIt#=!!!

Please feel free to vent here anytime! We only wish to help!

Edited because my silly iPad won't quote properly today.

Edited October 11, 2015 by Love2dance

[Ilovemylabs]

Well, duh!  I'm wondering where the picture of Maisie is.  How come everyone is saying how beautiful she is?  Where's the picture?  Then my little pea brain found it.  I concur.  She is just lovely!  WW get some stuff in writing from your doctor to give that jackass and his whore limits on what they can do when they have Maisie.  Ask him yet again NOT to bring his tart to your home (OK, maybe don't say it exactly like that).  Would he give up custody?  And what about his parents?  Are they as insensitive as he is?  I'd go for full custody.  Write down everything...document, document, document!  Record stuff if it is possible (and legal).  Check that out.  You have a child with a disability.  Surely there are tons of social services you are entitled to.  Contact others who have children who have the implants.  Maybe they can give you some suggestions.  The doctor who did her surgery might give you some guidance.  Go WW and Maisie!

[wanderwoman]

I have been dealing with his insanity the last two months and it's all coming to a head, unfortunately. He is tossing his past out the window for a future with this woman. M has an appointment on Tuesday with the developmental therapist so I could see about getting a note while in there. Excellent ideas.

I'm much calmer now. I took Maisie outside for a walk and we got a Starbucks. I hadn't been there in months and that coffee was well worth the $3.

I already knew that she might be pregnant (rumor mill). My only question is what kind of woman watches a man do what he is doing and thumbnails, "oh, sign me up for that"?

Maybe I should start looking at this from the comedic side? How desperate do you need to be to get yourself knocked up with a married man's child when he has a premature baby and sick wife at home? That is Lifetime movie stuff. Maybe Tori Spelling can play HW?

This coffee is fantastic. Yay caffeine.

Edited October 11, 2015 by wanderwoman

[Barb23]

Wander- You most certainly did the right thing. I wouldn't want any baby, preemie or not, to be exposed to all the germs at one of those kids pizza party places. With my own wacky immune system, there's no way I would go. I agree with everyone about getting a doctor's note. I think in her mind, she may think Maisie was just born a few weeks early with no ongoing health concerns & doesn't or won't grasp how serious Maisie's conditions are. (That is no way excusing her for her actions & words.) It's just amazing how inconsiderate people are. By the way you told the story, it sounds like Mr. Wander didn't even have the common courtesy to call or text you to let you know they were running late & why. And then to have the nerve to bring her inside with him. I'm a believer in Karma, hopefully you are too.

[fireice13]

wanderwoman - I'm so sorry to hear about everything you're going through, but just try to keep your mind on the good stuff. Giving yourself a little break, like with the Starbucks, is definitely a good idea!

 

I know you had mentioned getting to know the NICU nurses when Maisie was there, are you still in touch with any of them or could you reach out to them? Working in a NICU they're probably familiar with case workers and social workers and may be aware of some help or services that you don't know about. It might be another avenue to look down.

 

I agree that you need to document everything when dealing with your soon-to-be ex. I work in a laboratory and one of our rules is if it wasn't documented, it didn't happen. If you can get everything written or better yet recorded if possible then it will help you when fighting for support or custody/visitation arrangements.

[Wellfleet]

Oh my goodness, Maisie is beautiful!!!!! As others have mentioned Maisie may qualify for SSI even with the other benefits she receives, and during the application period she would qualify for a small stipend. At this point, in your situation, you too would qualify for state benefits, at least in my state. It might be helpful to take advantage of state benefits now, before finding work, and while still on chemo. And if you do apply, the state will force your soon to be ex to pay child support.

 

And I remember those days when my kids were feeding themselves, I would find food in the strangest places. Maisie really is remarkably perfect - Gerber baby!

 

This was exactly my impression too, the moment I saw Maisie's new photo.  She is a spot-on copy of the Gerber baby! And I should know... we had a Gerber plant in my hometown when I was a kid. Complete with a water tower on site, featuring that cutie-faced Gerber baby. Very tall tower - you could see "the baby" from all over the city. 

 

[Wellfleet]

Are you ready for this?

Today was supposed to be Maisie's day with her dad. He was supposed to be here at 9am to take her for a few hours. I had asked that, seeing as we are still legally married (albeit separated), he not bring HomeWrecker (hence to force known as HW). At 11:00, he arrived with HW. I told him M was due for her lunch by this point and asked if he had her bottles and special formula in his diaper bag. HW pops up and says, "kids need a few germs now and then"! I tried not responding to her directly and reminded stbx that Miss M is a special case and we are getting into flu season. HW talks over him and says, "Drama! Are you going to keep her in a bubble all her life?"

Stunned.

I didn't want to start something while I was holding Maisie but I haven't wanted to smack a person as much as I wanted to smack HW in that moment. I mean, wtf? Stud, who was two hours late, then says he is taking M to HW's nephews birthday at a pizza place and they'd stopped to pick up a gift and cake. How could he think that would be ok? I just told him I didn't think he needed M to go do that and offered that he could come by after to spend an hour or so with her and HW flipped! These were her words: "How were you ever married to this manipulative b?:!!? ... she's trying to keep you from M... I will never do that with our child."

Stunned again. So, she is pregnant and it's likely his. Omg. When will this end? I don't know what to do. They left. I have Miss M but I'm so upset for her. Who the helm does this chi j thinks she is and how could a father stand by and hear that and then leave? In a not so proud moment, I yelled that he was 9 days late with October's child support and he blaked his inability to pay on the cost of a "worthless trip" to my new place.

How can a parent be like that? I'm so angry I could scream right now. I don't know if I can handle this. I'm sorry to vent here but you guys have good advice. Was I wrong? Should I have let her go?

 

Oh, wander! You poor kid, my heart aches for you. Honestly. Currently sticking virtual pins in my virtual 'Dudley Douchebag' doll. And I now have another for HW - and the pins for her are even longer and thicker. Bwahahahaha! If it was up to me, I would be taking steps immediately to ensure that this so-called dad would be permitted ONLY supervised visits with Maisie now that he has expressed blatant disregard for her special medical conditions. Ones which could threaten her life. Something tells me HW isn't exactly headed for the MOTY banquet either. Does she have any idea how likely it is that she too could very well be left behind? This prize guy of hers couldn't handle the challenges of ONE family. How in the world does she think Mr Wonderful is going to handle having her and ANOTHER kid in the mix? Not exactly the brightest porch light on the street, is she? Yep, I think I'll get knocked up even though I barely know this guy. Nope, I think D Douchebag has shown his true colors, sadly enough. Hey, ANYONE can handle life with plenty of $$ and no problems. That's a cake walk. But when some poop flies into the fan, a truly strong person of character rolls up his sleeves and gets to work, doing What's Right and as much as he possibly can...

 

Thanks for letting me vent too. Weak, pathetic fathers tick me off big time. Probably because mine was Anything But - I so wish Maisie was going to have a father like I had. And hang in there, lovey... ❤️

Edited October 12, 2015 by Wellfleet

[lookeyloo]

Oh Wanderwoman.  Please vent away any time.  We are all here for you.  And, yes, you did the right thing.  Who wants to take any baby, let alone Maisie, to a situation that is a veritable germ fest.  Mr. Wander sounds like a real "gem".  He picked HW.  If it weren't her, it would be some other one.  He is not a prisoner of this situation.  Most of the blame falls squarely on his shoulders.  Not giving any credit to HW who sounds like trouble which when it hits, Mr. Wander will be the brunt of.  And you will be well on your way to a better situation.

 

I am saying this because in my similar but different situation, I spent a lot of time blaming "the other woman" and my therapist got me to see that my ex picked her and that apparently he was looking.  He had choices too, and didn't choose me.  Or his kids.  I got him to therapy once and he told the therapist he's rather move on to someone new than open that "Pandora's box" which was dealing with our situation.  What could I do?  Besides cry even more.   It took a while and more therapy and lots more crying and anger, etc. while dealing with small children in a strange place and I was sick too.  Not as serious as your condition, but, I felt like crap on top of it all, for a long time.  

 

But, like I said before, time has a way, and you are moving forward doing whatever you can for yourself and Miss Maisie and it will get better.  I found a group of, believe it or not, newly single moms, and over the years we are all in a much better place.   The men?  Not so much.

 

Keep doing what you are doing and continue to explore all options that will help your situation.  And look into how to do a safe GoFundMe.  I am considering myself an honorary Grandma to Maisie.

[NextIteration]

Weak, pathetic fathers tick me off big time.

 

X 1,000,000.

[GeeGolly]

I have been dealing with his insanity the last two months and it's all coming to a head, unfortunately. He is tossing his past out the window for a future with this woman. M has an appointment on Tuesday with the developmental therapist so I could see about getting a note while in there. Excellent ideas.

I'm much calmer now. I took Maisie outside for a walk and we got a Starbucks. I hadn't been there in months and that coffee was well worth the $3.

I already knew that she might be pregnant (rumor mill). My only question is what kind of woman watches a man do what he is doing and thumbnails, "oh, sign me up for that"?

Maybe I should start looking at this from the comedic side? How desperate do you need to be to get yourself knocked up with a married man's child when he has a premature baby and sick wife at home? That is Lifetime movie stuff. Maybe Tori Spelling can play HW?

This coffee is fantastic. Yay caffeine.

Whoa, what is she 12 years old? Definitely document everything like other posters said, as well as medical notes saying Miss M needs to be protected. You could go as far as getting a stay away order from the idiot HW for Maisie. HW clearly states she wants to put Maisie in danger, by not realizing she needs special care. And I don't make it a habit of bashing people's husbands even exes, but did he speak? Did he let the bitch do all the talking? And he really brings her around? Yeesh, he appears to be a selfish man.

 

How about Jennifer Lawrence playing you?

Edited October 11, 2015 by GeeGolly

[CherryMalotte]

Yes - document document document.  Take it to the lawyer.  Oh Wander, I am really sorry for the pickle you are in.  However, if this is the way he wants to be then Maisie is better off not having him around as a constant fixture.  I would get as much child support out of him that you can with the minimal amount of time she has to be with him.  

 

My father (who I have zippo love for) finally got himself ill enough that last Tuesday we drove him to the local VA hospital, which is local in that it's an hour away.  He is a sick sick sick person, he's currently inpatient and I don't see him coming out for another week.  Besides all his other problems they are testing him for an auto immune disorder and he had multiple blood clots in his legs and lungs.  Damn near killed himself.  He's had some sort of clarity moment after the main doc and priest stressed to him that he could have checked out and it was all his fault, plus he's had a side dose of guilt of all the pain he's caused my mother and I.  I am beyond any of that forgiveness shit and have no empathy after near 50 years of being near his selfish ass.  I'm just there for my mother.

 

In better news, after going thru the online system of the SSI I got both my parents signed up for their SS retirement and Medicare.  Mom got a call early Friday morning saying that they'd been approved and that xxx amount of dollars would be deposited in their account.  I'm frankly speechless, and told her that perhaps this Tuesday she needs to call the SS and get some more details out of them since when they called it was very early and had woken her up, so she didn't think to get many details.  I sure hope the Medicare will be backdated a bit because I don't know how they are going to pay for this VA bill.

[magpye29]

Wander, get yourself a notebook and keep track of every communication with your ex and HW.  Note the date, time, and whatever the interaction was, good, bad, or indifferent.  Try to note conversations, actions, whatever.  In a he said/she said situation, if you have notes, that gives you a little more weight, plus you can clearly demonstrate that you aren't trying to manipulate the situation by only tracking the negative information.  I would also consider including any information from doctor's visits, what you told the ex, and how he and HW responded.

 

Maisie's a beauty.  Sending hugs and prayers your way.

[emma675]

wander, ditto to everything everyone said before. Document, document, document. Dates, times, people, places, conversations, etc. In person, on the phone, etc.

One day your douchebag ex is going to realize what a mistake he made and what he lost. And hopefully he'll still be stuck with the whore and hating every second of his situation. And by that time, he won't even be a blip on your radar.

[Love2dance]

WANDERWOMAN.....as a been there, done that ex-wife, I "times infinity" agree about the documentation. In fact, try to go back in your memory and write down everything that has happened since he got "weird" to the best of your recollection. Just the facts, where, what, and when he said, did, etc. No emotions included. You may never be able to use it, but then again, it might help. And of course, documenting it all from the present time is crucial. (So sorry...just what you need...another job!!)

By the way.....I found happiness after my divorce, and I am sure you will, too!

So proud of the strength and dedication and love you show as a mommy. Many hugs and much love to you!

[wanderwoman]

I'm feeling so proud of my baby girl, right now. She is a looker. I have to admit, I took this pic right after her bath so the cannula tape was off (that's why she's so rosy cheeked in that picture). You can also tell that her cochlear ear piece was annoying her because she was trying to take it off her ear. Honestly, though, she's really precious. Those eyes melt me. Shes, in my opinion, outgrowing the preemie head. I've got her in the bouncy seat right now and shes nursing in her sleep- those little lips are so precious.

Documenting- check.

I don't know what his ultimate plan is. I think it's giving him too much credit to imagine he has a plan. He didn't fight me at all about custody. He is supposed to come to her once a week and I'm supposed to arrange one overnight a month with him, but he hasn't taken me up on those nights. So, do I think he'd sign away custody? Until I found out HW was pregnant, I would've said no. Now, I think he might, only because she is going to be a bigger pain in the ass if he denies her what she wants.

I know he picked her...all too well. I spent the last several weeks wondering what I could've done to fix us. It slowly, but sadly, dawned on me that he will probably never get it. And, that, it took both of us screwing up in our own ways to get where we are. I did my best. If she's what he wants, then it was ways doomed. I can't be her. I won't be her!

He didn't come back for his time. Not that I thought he would. I should be thankful that she's really too young to notice. good night my friends

[Happyfatchick]

Hey everybody (waves around the group before she sits down)

Ahem...

This is a summary of Vacay 2015. Ready?

It rained the first 3 days because we went to the coast while that awful storm was crawling up the eastern U.S.

Also during those 3 days was a heart wrenching sucker punch where I believed my daughter had come to the end of pretending to be a missionary with [Jim Jones] SIL. Then, it became apparent that they were going to stay, regardless of money. At the very second we're scrambling to get 2 family members to Nicaragua to get the grands, someone donated enough money for them to stay at least through October. The very next day, SIL posted a pic of a devotional book he admired, and asked if anyone had the remainder of the series THAT HE COULD BUY. The NEXT day, he posted on his FB page that he'd just found out you could buy TWO Hummers In Nica for the same price as one Toyota. THEN I found out that they'd moved from the coffee plantation to some sort of city dwelling where the children tell me there's no yard, but they can play on the roof. They apparently did this moving in a big fat hurry (and we suspect at night...). Because you know, they are missionaries and they're all about following the LORD.

So that was my first 3 days.

The next morning (Wednesday), I got a text from the sitter that my mom had passed out, and was currently in an ambulance to the hospital. She was there till Friday, but it was apparently nothing all along - something caused her BP to plummet, causing her to pass out. Meanwhile, the family is texting me a mile a minute for 3 days, because they need ME to referee who has to stay with her at the hospital at night. They didn't want me to come home (so they said), but SERIOUSLY wanted ME to schedule who had to be with her in the hospital, and when. (I am not making this up). Friday, she went home. (YAY, right?)

Saturday, my youngest son (the one who's expecting a baby) was playing with his German Shepherd in his own yard with a ball. A pit** that has been menacing them for awhile ran thru the privacy tree line and attacked his dog. He stayed back, yelling at the neighbor to come get his dog until the pit pinned the shepherd. At this point, he pulled the pit off and pushed his own dog away (and the shepherd has a big gash under his eye). The pit backs off, and then lunges at my son and bites his finger off. Yes. Off. O.F.F. Left index finger. (Not making that up either.) Couldn't be reattached. Seriously. Of course, I'm running around, packing and throwing stuff in the car, barking orders to my husband and the guys with me like a drill sergeant, with a cell phone glued to my hand. His dad texts "they're getting ready to clean and stitch it up now". (I'm thinking "what about the bone???").

I text back: you mean they're taking him to the OR?

No, he says. They are removing fragments and stitching it right here. There's nothing to remove in an OR.

This is a kid (21) who's never had a broken bone or a stitch in his life, has never been to the ER. The dog bit his finger OFF. I was furious, the dad was furious, the son was furious - and his 5 foot pg wife was bawling her eyes out.

And vacation 2015 draws to a close. Ding ding ding!!!

I've been making jokes all day about vacationing next year at the county reservoir about 15 miles from here. Pretty good fishing, I can keep all the family schedules straight AND run home for emergencies. (Plus, if I forget the lettuce - which I DID - I can just scoot up and get it).

**this isn't meant to be any kind of commentary on pit bulls. As I'm typing this, I have an 80 lb pibby/boxer mix taking up half the couch beside me, pushing at my elbow for some lovin. Best dog who's ever owned me. I love him dearly. He's a GREAT, well trained, well behaved dog - but he does have teeth like a bear.**

[Love2dance]

Hey everybody (waves around the group before she sits down)

Ahem...This is a summary of Vacay 2015. Ready?

.**

Oh my, HAPPYFATCHICK, honestly, the only good thing about your vacation is that it has given you more chapters to include in the book or blog we all hope you will write.

I sincerely hope your son will be OK and he will be mightily compensated for that awful experience and traumatic loss. And that your mom will be well and comfortable at home.

After reading yours and WANDERWOMAN's posts, I want to crawl into a protective cave and take everyone in this thread with me!

Edited October 12, 2015 by Love2dance

[Happyfatchick]

OOOOH!!!! I meant to comment too about how BEEEEEAUTIFUL our Maisie is. Oh my goodness, what a pretty, pretty child!!!

[smlait]

That's cool ('re: honey). We were warned to stay away from natural honey because of botulism or something similar. I wonder if processed honey would work? Everything gets complicated by her preemie status. Which reminds me, I should update my user pic. :)

 

Yes, the risk is botulism spores in unpasteurized honey - making it a huge no-no for the under-twos (whose immune systems aren't yet up to protecting them).  

[Wellfleet]

I'm feeling so proud of my baby girl, right now. She is a looker. I have to admit, I took this pic right after her bath so the cannula tape was off (that's why she's so rosy cheeked in that picture). You can also tell that her cochlear ear piece was annoying her because she was trying to take it off her ear. Honestly, though, she's really precious. Those eyes melt me. Shes, in my opinion, outgrowing the preemie head. I've got her in the bouncy seat right now and shes nursing in her sleep- those little lips are so precious.

Documenting- check.

I don't know what his ultimate plan is. I think it's giving him too much credit to imagine he has a plan. He didn't fight me at all about custody. He is supposed to come to her once a week and I'm supposed to arrange one overnight a month with him, but he hasn't taken me up on those nights. So, do I think he'd sign away custody? Until I found out HW was pregnant, I would've said no. Now, I think he might, only because she is going to be a bigger pain in the ass if he denies her what she wants.

I know he picked her...all too well. I spent the last several weeks wondering what I could've done to fix us. It slowly, but sadly, dawned on me that he will probably never get it. And, that, it took both of us screwing up in our own ways to get where we are. I did my best. If she's what he wants, then it was ways doomed. I can't be her. I won't be her!

He didn't come back for his time. Not that I thought he would. I should be thankful that she's really too young to notice. good night my friends

 

From the photo, I would never guess Maisie had been a preemie. She looks like the Campbell's Soup Girl dolly I had as a toddler, and dragged everywhere. Most importantly, she looks very very happy to be there with her Momma. You guys are going to be, if you're not already, bestest friends.  ⭐️ May the Force be with you! ⭐️

[CherryMalotte]

She looks like the Campbell's Soup Girl dolly

 

That's it Wellfleet!  I'd been thinking to myself that Maisie reminded me of a doll other than Gerber, and you hit the nail on the head!  I love the Campbell Soup Kids, my mother even bought me a book one year about them and the advertising.  I get one of those calendars almost every year, and they have great coupons included with the calendar.  

 

Jeez HFC - both you and our lovely Wander have had enough for one year.  I know I just want to get this one over with.

[Ilovemylabs]

I have been dealing with his insanity the last two months and it's all coming to a head, unfortunately. He is tossing his past out the window for a future with this woman. M has an appointment on Tuesday with the developmental therapist so I could see about getting a note while in there. Excellent ideas.

I'm much calmer now. I took Maisie outside for a walk and we got a Starbucks. I hadn't been there in months and that coffee was well worth the $3.

I already knew that she might be pregnant (rumor mill). My only question is what kind of woman watches a man do what he is doing and thumbnails, "oh, sign me up for that"?

Maybe I should start looking at this from the comedic side? How desperate do you need to be to get yourself knocked up with a married man's child when he has a premature baby and sick wife at home? That is Lifetime movie stuff. Maybe Tori Spelling can play HW?

This coffee is fantastic. Yay caffeine.

You know, there WAS a movie just like this on TV a few years ago.  Everything except the mother being sick part.  Someone famous (sorry I can't remember who) played the jackass father.  The child was severely disabled.  Wish I could remember the name of the movie.

[NextIteration]

The child was severely disabled.

 

The father leaving, denying, disengaging or finding a HW is a theme when there is a disabled child involved; it's pattern that sadly repeats itself far too often in real life, quite an easy topic to make a movie about.