Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Love2dance]

I STILL want a “care” emoji for this thread when responding to a post (like Happyfatchic’s above). Sometimes “sad” just isn’t right.

[jcbrown]

1 hour ago, Marshmallow Mollie said:

@jcbrown in my early twenties I had a migraines, and then I started having a lot of vertigo spells. The dr thought they were migraine variants where they were physiologically a migraine but presented as vertigo instead of pain. I went to an ENT for some sort of definitive test that was awkward with someone as young as I was. The test - because it was weird and awkward - somehow didn’t show that it was vertigo or something...anyways this young guy said it must be MS and to follow up with my dr! Um, no. Fifteen years or more later, still no MS

Yeah, I did repeated brain MRIs over a period of a year to rule out MS. I was apprehensive about the brain MRIs because I have some claustrophobia but it turns out they put me to sleep. Interesting that yours were connected to migraines. Prior to menopause, I was also a migraineur but have been mercifully free of them since my hormones settled down. I do still suffer from benign positional paroxysmal vertigo, however, though not nearly to the degree I did when I first got it (that bout kept me home for a month. Too bad it didn't coincide with a pandemic.).

[Love2dance]

These exercises really help with my bouts of vertigo. I tend to lower my head over the side of the bed instead of just turning it. Hope this helps anyone suffering from benign positional paroxysmal vertigo.

https://www.mountsinai.on.ca/care/fammed/patient-resources/neurology/epley-maneuver.pdf

https://www.dizziness-and-balance.com/disorders/bppv/epley/epley.html

[thehorseofpower]

So, I just have to share this story because I don't really have anywhere else I can tell it. I have two young daughters who are doing virtual school this year because I didn't feel comfortable with their school not requiring masks for the younger children while also not being able to social distance. I also really wanted them to be able to see family and that wouldn't be happening with in-person school. My "rules" right now for socializing are that I will not allow anyone who has been to church, in-person dining inside a restaurant, or unmasked school classrooms to enter my house. My family members, for the most part, are working from home and only going out to grocery shop, so we have seen them a few times since Labor Day.

My mother in law started going back to church in June. We told her if she wants to see our kids, she needs to skip a week and ensure she is "clear" before we will see her. She has been clearly angry about this and about the fact that my family has seen the kids while she has not. Thus far she has not suggested a time to see us and skip church beforehand.  She's been pressuring my husband to end this rule and let her see the kids without skipping church. I refused to consider this because from what my husband has told me about growing up in this church, it's of the MacArthur "don't wear a mask and God will protect us" variety (my mother in law  actually does believe in masks, but it's the people around her I don't trust in that regard). My husband was breaking down yesterday and trying to convince me we're being too harsh on her. I got very angry and said if our kids can miss in person school for a whole year to help keep our family safe, she can miss a week or two of church and I frankly have no sympathy at this point if this is too much to ask.

Well...we found out today that my sister in law, who has posted Facebook photos of herself in church, unmasked, with people sitting right on top of each other, was just diagnosed with Covid. She also had contact with the rest of my in laws recently and now they all have to quarantine. I am a terrible person because as soon as my husband told me I screamed, "I told you so!"  Dammit, I was right to be cautious and ain't nobody gonna tell me otherwise!  I of course feel terrible for all of them and don't want anyone to be ill, but this means they will all get off my back about visiting and is one less stressor on my plate during this godawful time.

I again feel kind of terrible to say this, but damn, do I feel vindicated and not like a horrendous controlling bitch as people were implying.

[Jeeves]

18 minutes ago, thehorseofpower said:

I again feel kind of terrible to say this, but damn, do I feel vindicated and not like a horrendous controlling bitch as people were implying.

You are not horrible, and you've been "controlling" in the good sense of that concept. Controlling your family's exposure to a serious health risk. I'm sorry your SIL caught COVID, but FFS, it's NOT a hoax or a myth or "just a little flu and nothing to worry about." Thank goodness it's not more lethal, and yes most people who get it will recover. But holy smokes, it's been no secret that this is a new disease that medical science is still working hard to figure out, and it's more lethal than seasonal flu by a long shot. It's not crazy to do what is possible to minimize risk of infection.

ETA: I don't have children in my care, and I have huge respect for the issues the pandemic has been causing for all the people who do. But just trying to take care of myself isn't without challenges. I understand that life must go on, and yet I'm not expecting to be able to travel (except for a few short solo camping trips to state parks around here) for months yet. I will probably feel ready to venture out and have more exposure to people, when there is (a) a COVID-19 vaccine and/or (b) demonstrated effective treatments for it. We just aren't there yet.

Edited October 14, 2020 by Jeeves

[DangerousMinds]

19 minutes ago, thehorseofpower said:

So, I just have to share this story because I don't really have anywhere else I can tell it. I have two young daughters who are doing virtual school this year because I didn't feel comfortable with their school not requiring masks for the younger children while also not being able to social distance. I also really wanted them to be able to see family and that wouldn't be happening with in-person school. My "rules" right now for socializing are that I will not allow anyone who has been to church, in-person dining inside a restaurant, or unmasked school classrooms to enter my house. My family members, for the most part, are working from home and only going out to grocery shop, so we have seen them a few times since Labor Day.

My mother in law started going back to church in June. We told her if she wants to see our kids, she needs to skip a week and ensure she is "clear" before we will see her. She has been clearly angry about this and about the fact that my family has seen the kids while she has not. Thus far she has not suggested a time to see us and skip church beforehand.  She's been pressuring my husband to end this rule and let her see the kids without skipping church. I refused to consider this because from what my husband has told me about growing up in this church, it's of the MacArthur "don't wear a mask and God will protect us" variety (my mother in law  actually does believe in masks, but it's the people around her I don't trust in that regard). My husband was breaking down yesterday and trying to convince me we're being too harsh on her. I got very angry and said if our kids can miss in person school for a whole year to help keep our family safe, she can miss a week or two of church and I frankly have no sympathy at this point if this is too much to ask.

Well...we found out today that my sister in law, who has posted Facebook photos of herself in church, unmasked, with people sitting right on top of each other, was just diagnosed with Covid. She also had contact with the rest of my in laws recently and now they all have to quarantine. I am a terrible person because as soon as my husband told me I screamed, "I told you so!"  Dammit, I was right to be cautious and ain't nobody gonna tell me otherwise!  I of course feel terrible for all of them and don't want anyone to be ill, but this means they will all get off my back about visiting and is one less stressor on my plate during this godawful time.

I again feel kind of terrible to say this, but damn, do I feel vindicated and not like a horrendous controlling bitch as people were implying.

You are 100% right. It’s actually getting worse in this country (and others), not better. Just because people are tired of masks, social distancing, etc does not change that. You’re doing the right thing!

7 minutes ago, Jeeves said:

You are not horrible, and you've been "controlling" in the good sense of that concept. Controlling your family's exposure to a serious health risk. I'm sorry your SIL caught COVID, but FFS, it's NOT a hoax or a myth or "just a little flu and nothing to worry about." Thank goodness it's not more lethal, and yes most people who get it will recover. But holy smokes, it's been no secret that this is a new disease that medical science is still working hard to figure out, and it's more lethal than seasonal flu by a long shot. It's not crazy to do what is possible to minimize risk of infection.

Most people do recover, but a portion of them (“long haulers”) have been experiencing ongoing health issues that may be life long (like lung scarring). It turns out Covid is more of a vascular disease than a respiratory one, also. Scary!

[Oldernowiser]

20 minutes ago, thehorseofpower said:

I again feel kind of terrible to say this, but damn, do I feel vindicated and not like a horrendous controlling bitch as people were implying.

You were protecting your family, despite taking shit for it. I would say that relief at being vindicated is completely understandable and valid.

No one has the right to put your family at risk, especially when you were being so careful. You offered her a path to seeing your kids...she refused. Her choice. It’s just as well she didn’t cooperate...even if she had skipped church for two weeks there’s no guarantee she wouldn’t have been a carrier...she has regularly been in a high-risk environment. What were you going to do, not let her hug her grandchildren? I would have been freaking out through the whole visit.

Your kids, your rules.

[Mindthinkr]

@thehorseofpower Good for you for sticking by the safety factors that you feel are best for your family. It is up to all of us to decide how much we are comfortable with as far as socializing and going out are concerned. I think she was trying to bully you and when that didn’t work she tried to sic her son on you. I’m sorry the virus has now entered your extended family, but keep to your safe bubble and gut on what you feel is acceptable. Stay safe and be well. 

[Jeeves]

17 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

You are 100% right. It’s actually getting worse in this country (and others), not better. Just because people are tired of masks, social distancing, etc does not change that. You’re doing the right thing!

Most people do recover, but a portion of them (“long haulers”) have been experiencing ongoing health issues that may be life long (like lung scarring). It turns out Covid is more of a vascular disease than a respiratory one, also. Scary!

Those are good points, both as to the pandemic fatigue that a lot of us are feeling, and the potential ongoing impairments that COVID-19 may leave people with. There are still so many unknowns about the disease - including, AFAIK, whether and to what extent a recovered COVID-19 patient may have immunity going forward against re-infection.

Early in the pandemic I fell ill with symptoms that while not the most common for COVID (I had no cough or high fever), were still on the list. I contacted my HMO and they had me tested (probably because I'm so old), which turned out negative for COVID. In a group [online] chat that week (we've been working from home since this started), a co-worker commented that wouldn't I have rather been positive, on the theory that I'd then be immune. She has since learned that's not the case and is one of our most careful team members about social distancing, etc. 

Edited October 14, 2020 by Jeeves

[doodlebug]

5 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

You are 100% right. It’s actually getting worse in this country (and others), not better. Just because people are tired of masks, social distancing, etc does not change that. You’re doing the right thing!

Most people do recover, but a portion of them (“long haulers”) have been experiencing ongoing health issues that may be life long (like lung scarring). It turns out Covid is more of a vascular disease than a respiratory one, also. Scary!

You are absolutely correct, the numbers are rising and it is becoming increasingly apparent that many people who develop COVID are left with serious health problems.  There have been multiple reports of people developing chronic respiratory issues, even needing lung transplants, people having strokes or losing limbs due to blood clotting in the wrong place, people with liver or kidney damage that is seemingly permanent.  I have a friend, 50 years old and in good health except for being overweight who got sick early in the game.  She went into renal failure and continues on dialysis to this day.  Her doctors tell her that there is a chance her kidneys could recover within the first year, but she is on the transplant list already because the odds are against it.  She is a single parent with a 10 year old.  I have a patient in her 70's who had COVID in the spring, a fairly mild case, never hospitalized.  However, the virus attacked nerves in her leg and she had severe pain for several weeks until the pain went away and her foot was numb.  It continues to be numb to the point where she has to look at her foot when she puts it on the floor before starting to walk because it might not be flat on the ground.  To the point where she is terrified of falling on the stairs.  She is in excellent health for her age as is her husband and they were very active prior to this and she's very worried that it won't improve and her active days are over.  Oh, and she still can only taste sweet things, nothing else and she misses enjoying a meal, too.

[thehorseofpower]

15 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

You offered her a path to seeing your kids...she refused. Her choice. It’s just as well she didn’t cooperate...even if she had skipped church for two weeks there’s no guarantee she wouldn’t have been a carrier...she has regularly been in a high-risk environment. What were you going to do, not let her hug her grandchildren? I would have been freaking out through the whole visit.

Your kids, your rules.

YES - she told us she was not doing anything other than the weekly church attendance and grocery shopping. Clearly she is also seeing other people who are attending church, like my sister in law. New rule will be complete quarantine from all people for two weeks and you might get a masked outdoor visit. I don't trust her at all after this, though she at least sounds awfully humbled now from what she has said to my husband.

My husband, incidentally, bowed down to me just now and apologized for doubting my instincts and admitted my complete and total rightness. That doesn't happen very often!

Man, what a roller coaster every day is...and I don't even leave my house.

[Love2dance]

@thehorseofpower, you were so right to stand strong and insist on the safety of your family.  Hopefully, your in-laws will now be more understanding of your position.

I can’t wait to hug our kids and grandkids, but because of their jobs, school, etc, we can’t. It doesn’t look like we will be having Thanksgiving together this year, but hopefully, by staying safe, we will have many more later. 
 

Edited to add:

I just read your latest post, thehorseofpower, and I’m so glad your husband now supports you completely and agreed that you were right in your stance! Yay!

Edited October 14, 2020 by Love2dance

[jcbrown]

11 hours ago, Love2dance said:

These exercises really help with my bouts of vertigo. I tend to lower my head over the side of the bed instead of just turning it. Hope this helps anyone suffering from benign positional paroxysmal vertigo.

https://www.mountsinai.on.ca/care/fammed/patient-resources/neurology/epley-maneuver.pdf

https://www.dizziness-and-balance.com/disorders/bppv/epley/epley.html

I have done the Epley maneuver and it is okay but I have had better luck with this one:

http://www.halfsomersaultmaneuver.com/

2 hours ago, thehorseofpower said:

I again feel kind of terrible to say this, but damn, do I feel vindicated and not like a horrendous controlling bitch as people were implying.

Nope, you are 100% right. I'm glad your husband agrees.

[whydoiwatch]

1 hour ago, doodlebug said:

You are absolutely correct, the numbers are rising and it is becoming increasingly apparent that many people who develop COVID are left with serious health problems.  

My very fit and healthy 60 year old sister nearly died from CoVid. She was intubated 3 weeks, had a feeding tube, etc. She went to physical rehab facility for weeks after being discharged from hospital. She needs a walker and someone to stand by for assistance for any activity she does now that she is home due to weakness and numbness in her legs and feet. She has mental impairment, called me recently asked where my husband was (he has had same job for almost 40 years), I told her he was at work - her response "Oh, I didn't know he had a job." When talking about family members or events her timeline is mixed up. This virus is scary and we must all be vigilant to do all we can to follow the guidelines.

[PikaScrewChu]

20 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

Im sorry things have been hard for you. I know you had a bad breakup, and the pandemic- which has been hard on single people in ways people don't often mention.

 

Will you like living with your parents? Will l it be emotionally nurturing for you? I cannot remember if you guys are in the same state right now.

No. We're about a 4 hour plane ride apart and then a wee drive. I don't think I'd be happy there but right now everything here is memories. I think I'd be happier if I could just run away for a few weeks but all the cities I go to in order to escape are closed down. Disney is open but that isn't my definition of relaxation in normal times! I'd much rather be sitting in a museum or art gallery for hours thank you very much.

I'm in therapy to "get over" the break up but we've had to switch back to telemedicine for a couple more sessions which isn't nearly as helpful. I will be going back to in-person in November. I'm still trying to figure out if I did the right thing. He was more than just my boyfriend. He was my best friend.

Everyone is so tapped out that I haven't felt right looking for comfort. I don't even know who to look for comfort from to be honest. I also haven't told most people what the cause was or what happened.

It is very hard on people living alone. I've started doing "risk management" activities. I started going to yoga again. The studio I go to is only doing gentle yoga until the pandemic subsides. Nothing athletic. That stops the thoughts for a bit. You can book to use the space by yourself if you don't feel comfortable with taking classes with others. I find myself zoning at home during Zoom fitness classes and checking my phone frequently. Even though there are no emails, no texts, nothing. 

It has been eye opening to say the least. I find myself having not judging people for how they are coping during this time. There are some actions I side eye (Duggars, Bateses, and JRod come to mind) but in reality, we don't know individual circumstances.

I kind of wish I was a little kid rather than an adult. They are so elastic and will bounce back easily. I don't know if I will ever recover from the past 7 months mentally, especially everything was looking amazing the previous few months.

[Nysha]

3 hours ago, thehorseofpower said:

I again feel kind of terrible to say this, but damn, do I feel vindicated and not like a horrendous controlling bitch as people were implying.

You should feel very proud of yourself for standing strong and protecting your children when even your husband was trying to get you to relax your stance. 

[Love2dance]

Thank you, @jcbrown, I will add the half somersault movement to the prophylactic exercises I do to prevent the vertigo from coming back.

@PikaScrewChu, I wish I could come over and give you comfort and hugs. I do think this pandemic is hardest on the singles. I hope we will be beyond this horrible disease as soon as possible and you can resume your real life. 
 

[GeeGolly]

15 minutes ago, PikaScrewChu said:

No. We're about a 4 hour plane ride apart and then a wee drive. I don't think I'd be happy there but right now everything here is memories. I think I'd be happier if I could just run away for a few weeks but all the cities I go to in order to escape are closed down. Disney is open but that isn't my definition of relaxation in normal times! I'd much rather be sitting in a museum or art gallery for hours thank you very much.

I'm in therapy to "get over" the break up but we've had to switch back to telemedicine for a couple more sessions which isn't nearly as helpful. I will be going back to in-person in November. I'm still trying to figure out if I did the right thing. He was more than just my boyfriend. He was my best friend.

Everyone is so tapped out that I haven't felt right looking for comfort. I don't even know who to look for comfort from to be honest. I also haven't told most people what the cause was or what happened.

It is very hard on people living alone. I've started doing "risk management" activities. I started going to yoga again. The studio I go to is only doing gentle yoga until the pandemic subsides. Nothing athletic. That stops the thoughts for a bit. You can book to use the space by yourself if you don't feel comfortable with taking classes with others. I find myself zoning at home during Zoom fitness classes and checking my phone frequently. Even though there are no emails, no texts, nothing. 

It has been eye opening to say the least. I find myself having not judging people for how they are coping during this time. There are some actions I side eye (Duggars, Bateses, and JRod come to mind) but in reality, we don't know individual circumstances.

I kind of wish I was a little kid rather than an adult. They are so elastic and will bounce back easily. I don't know if I will ever recover from the past 7 months mentally, especially everything was looking amazing the previous few months.

You will recover Pika! I know this because you are willing to reach out, you're in therapy and you're exploring other concrete ways to improve your mental health.

No one is breezing through this, even folks who seem to be carefree about it. And no one has been their best version of themselves. There is a minority who are affected less, but they are affected. Some of us will slowly, almost unknowingly seem to adjust as time passes, some are muddling through and some are struggling through. And life goes own whether a pandemic or not, so many other things impact how well or not so well we're doing.

You mentioned thoughts. Thoughts can be our enemy, however they can also be our best friends. Any thought we have can be disputed, dismissed, replaced or affirmed. Because we tend to believe what we think without question, I would recommend examining your thoughts and try to see what it is you are thinking and see if you can change things up. Maybe you're indulging and affirming negative thoughts? And dismissing positive thoughts? Maybe you're rewriting history? Maybe you're imagining the future in a negative light? If you find you're doing those things, take time to reframe your thoughts to reflect the truth. The past is rarely as wonderful (or awful) as we make it out to be and the future is rarely as bad as we imagine it will be, and sometimes its better. And almost always we are more critical of ourselves than we should be. Be as gracious to yourself as you are to others.

The 'other side' of this pandemic is going to look different for everyone. Some of us will feel totally relieved and will be dancing in the streets, some of us will slowly 're-enter' normality, and most of us will be somewhere in between. But not one of us will come out the other side as the same person we were.

Long story short. YOU GOT THIS! warm and squishy hugs to you.

[Scarlett45]

I came to share that my beloved Jaleel has a NEW PODCAST, Ever After w/ Jaleel White interviewing former child stars, discussing their life and career choices after "fame". So far he has episodes with Keke Palmer (love her) and Haley Joel Osment. Its on Spotify as well. 

 

I am SO EXCITED.

For the record I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE him, he was my first celebrity crush- I saw how incredibly HOT he was going to be, even when I was 5yrs old I saw! I cannot wait for this. 

[SunnyBeBe]

I have found that I have to give myself a little cheer up each week.  I will say that FT with my best friends and music therapy have done wonders. Each week I try to play some of my favorite music or music videos, dance and have an adult beverage.  Plus, I plan out all the good times I'm going to have once concerts are resumed.  I am in denial about how much I miss my special needs niece that I used to see several days a week and my disabled cousin, who is in Memory Care.  I simply can't process it, so, I'm not dealing with that right now.  Maybe, later.  I'm just doing the best I can to get by each day,  keep my business going and take care of those for which I am their caretaker. 

On the topic of water flossers.  I will be buying me a new one soon.  I used to have a top of the line Sonic electric toothbrush, with built in water flosser.  It was rather expensive. I didn't like it at all as it made a huge mess.  I gave up on it and threw it away.  I regret I did that.  Now, I'd use it, even if it was messy.  Later, I bought myself a cheap little water flosser from CVS.  I mean CHEAP...around $10.00.   It worked GREAT.  I loved it.  It really helped my gums.  Then, it broke.  I bought another one and used that one until it broke too.  They don't have them anymore:(         I guess I need to invest in one with good quality.  I hope to spend under $100.00.    

[Scarlett45]

2 hours ago, PikaScrewChu said:

No. We're about a 4 hour plane ride apart and then a wee drive. I don't think I'd be happy there but right now everything here is memories. I think I'd be happier if I could just run away for a few weeks but all the cities I go to in order to escape are closed down. Disney is open but that isn't my definition of relaxation in normal times! I'd much rather be sitting in a museum or art gallery for hours thank you very much.

I'm in therapy to "get over" the break up but we've had to switch back to telemedicine for a couple more sessions which isn't nearly as helpful. I will be going back to in-person in November. I'm still trying to figure out if I did the right thing. He was more than just my boyfriend. He was my best friend.

Everyone is so tapped out that I haven't felt right looking for comfort. I don't even know who to look for comfort from to be honest. I also haven't told most people what the cause was or what happened.

It is very hard on people living alone. I've started doing "risk management" activities. I started going to yoga again. The studio I go to is only doing gentle yoga until the pandemic subsides. Nothing athletic. That stops the thoughts for a bit. You can book to use the space by yourself if you don't feel comfortable with taking classes with others. I find myself zoning at home during Zoom fitness classes and checking my phone frequently. Even though there are no emails, no texts, nothing. 

It has been eye opening to say the least. I find myself having not judging people for how they are coping during this time. There are some actions I side eye (Duggars, Bateses, and JRod come to mind) but in reality, we don't know individual circumstances.

I kind of wish I was a little kid rather than an adult. They are so elastic and will bounce back easily. I don't know if I will ever recover from the past 7 months mentally, especially everything was looking amazing the previous few months.

I am sorry. I am glad you are exercising and continuing to see your therapist even if its via Telehealth- that IS helping even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

 

2 hours ago, PikaScrewChu said:

I think I'd be happier if I could just run away for a few weeks but all the cities I go to in order to escape are closed down. Disney is open but that isn't my definition of relaxation in normal times! I'd much rather be sitting in a museum or art gallery for hours thank you very much.

Walt Disney World is my most favorite place, and I am not going this year, so I can agree with you on that. When the borders open, (whenever that is) cannot wait to take a vacation BY MYSELF, maybe to Thailand. In the mean time I am saving and planning a Walt Disney World trip for 2021 (lets be honest I am planning two trips- September and December, because its the 50th anniversary and I am extra).

 

@GeeGolly said it far more eloquently than I ever could. 

[PikaScrewChu]

1 hour ago, GeeGolly said:

You will recover Pika! I know this because you are willing to reach out, you're in therapy and you're exploring other concrete ways to improve your mental health.

No one is breezing through this, even folks who seem to be carefree about it. And no one has been their best version of themselves. There is a minority who are affected less, but they are affected. Some of us will slowly, almost unknowingly seem to adjust as time passes, some are muddling through and some are struggling through. And life goes own whether a pandemic or not, so many other things impact how well or not so well we're doing.

You mentioned thoughts. Thoughts can be our enemy, however they can also be our best friends. Any thought we have can be disputed, dismissed, replaced or affirmed. Because we tend to believe what we think without question, I would recommend examining your thoughts and try to see what it is you are thinking and see if you can change things up. Maybe you're indulging and affirming negative thoughts? And dismissing positive thoughts? Maybe you're rewriting history? Maybe you're imagining the future in a negative light? If you find you're doing those things, take time to reframe your thoughts to reflect the truth. The past is rarely as wonderful (or awful) as we make it out to be and the future is rarely as bad as we imagine it will be, and sometimes its better. And almost always we are more critical of ourselves than we should be. Be as gracious to yourself as you are to others.

The 'other side' of this pandemic is going to look different for everyone. Some of us will feel totally relieved and will be dancing in the streets, some of us will slowly 're-enter' normality, and most of us will be somewhere in between. But not one of us will come out the other side as the same person we were.

Long story short. YOU GOT THIS! warm and squishy hugs to you.

We're trying that in therapy (again). I had just unraveled all of that and worked on re-framing my thoughts. Was discharged the day everything went to hell and we thought that it would "only" be a few months at most. I've taken out loans to pay for therapy at this point and I had to be upfront with the psychologist on that. Normally I'd have a few more side gigs going but that's all dried up. I have one that is paid and the rest are in-kind jobs.

I've been struggling because it is me and the voices inside my head almost all day. Between that, insomnia, and migraines I'm just a lump whenever I don't get out. The fun part is even though I've had to make the mental switch to "Fuck it, I need to get out and enjoy things as long as I'm being reasonable" I'm still getting the mental game of "AHHHHH CRAP I CAUGHT COVID" every time I get wheezy or have a low grade fever. I always forget I get a low grade fever whenever I get less than 4 hours of sleep a night or go for a run outdoors. Have since I was a kid.

@Scarlett45 that sounds like fun. Thailand would be a nice change of pace. I'm not sure what I'm going to do once this is all over. My coping mechanism has always been finding a cheap flight/bus/train ticket at the last minute and GO (as long as it fit around my in person responsibilities). Those days may be over. 

You do what you can at this point. I know by the snarky emails I'm sending out to people I'm not coping well.

[Oldernowiser]

Pika, you’re so hard on your sweet self. I get it... I do it, too...”I feel shitty and sad but others have it so much worse so I don’t deserve to feel this way.” 

You feel how you feel! You went through a terrible breakup, your work world is upended, and dreams die hard and painfully. Snark. Vent. Cry. Eat crappy food. Whatever you want to do, just do it, barring anything with the potential for a jail stay, a restraining order, or a contagion. Try to stop “shoulding” yourself, yes? Treat yourself the way you would a beloved friend who’s gone through what you have.

I know you’re young... I can tell you that my life was at its absolute worst in my late twenties. I was broke, in grad school, working a shitty unpaid internship, had been abandoned by my “boyfriend,” car-less, pet-less and living in a sad apartment. If someone had told me I would some day travel the world in my job, marry a kind and decent man, rescue too many pets, climb mountains, design and build houses, live on the ocean... I would have told them to stop screwing with me. 

Your life will not always be this way. Things will get better. I triple promise.

 

Edited October 14, 2020 by Oldernowiser

[ChiCricket]

On 10/10/2020 at 6:18 PM, Dehumidifier said:

Does anyone know where galaxychaser has gone? Her last post is August 22nd in Small Talk.

Ok..don't kill me if I'm wrong/mistaken...but I *thought* galaxychaser changed their name to @iwantcookies? (or am I making that up in my head?)

 They both have the same writing style. (I like them both, either way)💜

Edited October 14, 2020 by ChiCricket

[ChiCricket]

On 10/10/2020 at 5:37 PM, doodlebug said:

As someone who's had a knee replacement, that shower is going to be a real blessing for her post-op.

No kidding...and POST post-op! I had both knees replaced, and getting out of my tub is horrible. Nobody tells you before the surgeries that you won't be able to kneel properly ever again. I mean, you can crouch, but getting down on your (new) kneecaps is agony.

I had to install an old lady grab bar on the outside of my tub, and I still struggle to get out.  (being overweight doesn't help, I'm sure.)

PS I still would have gotten the surgeries..it was SO worth it! My knees are now pain free. 

 

[PikaScrewChu]

2 hours ago, Oldernowiser said:

Pika, you’re so hard on your sweet self. I get it... I do it, too...”I feel shitty and sad but others have it so much worse so I don’t deserve to feel this way.” 

You feel how you feel! You went through a terrible breakup, your work world is upended, and dreams die hard and painfully. Snark. Vent. Cry. Eat crappy food. Whatever you want to do, just do it, barring anything with the potential for a jail stay, a restraining order, or a contagion. Try to stop “shoulding” yourself, yes? Treat yourself the way you would a beloved friend who’s gone through what you have.

I know you’re young... I can tell you that my life was at its absolute worst in my late twenties. I was broke, in grad school, working a shitty unpaid internship, had been abandoned by my “boyfriend,” car-less, pet-less and living in a sad apartment. If someone had told me I would some day travel the world in my job, marry a kind and decent man, rescue too many pets, climb mountains, design and build houses, live on the ocean... I would have told them to stop screwing with me. 

Your life will not always be this way. Things will get better. I triple promise.

 

I cried reading this. Thank you. 

I feel like this has uprooted everything. There's a group of older ladies in their 60s-70s whom I've been attending yoga and exercise classes with since I moved here. They were on a patio having coffee after class and one said to me that she would love to invite me to sit with them for coffee but she only trusts the women she was sitting with because she knows them well and knows for sure they're taking precautions against COVID. Which, fair. But god. I was at a low point where I needed some social interaction. From anyone. I cried the entire way home and then for the rest of the day. It was so minor and I understood yet it reminded me of how alone I was.

I know it isn't the worst thing in the world. Eventually it will end. It's all just hit at once during a point where the world is actually in turmoil and even professionals are struggling to keep up with their patient's needs. I'm just tired.

[Scarlett45]

9 minutes ago, ChiCricket said:

No kidding...and POST post-op! I had both knees replaced, and getting out of my tub is horrible. Nobody tells you before the surgeries that you won't be able to kneel properly ever again. I mean, you can crouch, but getting down on your (new) kneecaps is agony.

I had to install an old lady grab bar on the outside of my tub, and I still struggle to get out.  (being overweight doesn't help, I'm sure.)

PS I still would have gotten the surgeries..it was SO worth it! My knees are now pain free. 

 

This will be my Mom’s FOURTH.....ugh. She needed this shower done. We are a little less than two weeks out. 
 

But I just think about how great she’s going to feel when it’s over. 

[Scarlett45]

5 minutes ago, PikaScrewChu said:

They were on a patio having coffee after class and one said to me that she would love to invite me to sit with them for coffee but she only trusts the women she was sitting with because she knows them well and knows for sure they're taking precautions against COVID.

That just sounds like an asshole thing to say to someone! “We’d love to invite you BUT...”, if they really wanted to be kind they would’ve said “you can join us in two weeks if you’re taking XYZ precautions like us.”

People can be callous. 

[ChiCricket]

On 10/11/2020 at 8:14 PM, doodlebug said:

I don't think it is a big deal; except that sometimes when people disappear and return with a new name it is because they've gotten banned by the mods.  So, some people posting under new names may not want to have it bandied about.

Oh dear..I had no idea. Next time I'll keep my mouth shut. 🤐

[Oldernowiser]

1 minute ago, PikaScrewChu said:

I cried reading this. Thank you. 

I feel like this has uprooted everything. There's a group of older ladies in their 60s-70s whom I've been attending yoga and exercise classes with since I moved here. They were on a patio having coffee after class and one said to me that she would love to invite me to sit with them for coffee but she only trusts the women she was sitting with because she knows them well and knows for sure they're taking precautions against COVID. Which, fair. But god. I was at a low point where I needed some social interaction. From anyone. I cried the entire way home and then for the rest of the day. It was so minor and I understood yet it reminded me of how alone I was.

I know it isn't the worst thing in the world. Eventually it will end. It's all just hit at once during a point where the world is actually in turmoil and even professionals are struggling to keep up with their patient's needs. I'm just tired.

For the record and speaking as an old broad, what they did was shitty. They could have asked you what precautions you’re taking before they just made an assumption! I kick them in the shins on your behalf. Besides, if you’re in their exercise classes, you’re in their damned “pod.” Unless of course you’ve mastered the art of never exhaling.

That was shitty, not “minor.” I’m so sorry, sweetie. I know we’re only virtual but you’ll always have us, okay?

Big fierce hugs!

[SunnyBeBe]

Will all of you who can, please say a prayer for my brother? If you recall he was in a serious car accident a couple of months ago. He’s having major surgery tomorrow. He’s in good hands..one of the best hospitals in the world, but, you never know what can happen. I’ll be nervous until he’s in recovery. No one is allowed to go with him. His wife has to drop him off.  He’s such a great guy. He has to be okay. 

[Oldernowiser]

My best to you, SunnyBeBe...your brother has you in his corner and that counts big.

Hugs, honey. Let us know how it goes?

[Scarlett45]

@SunnyBeBe my thoughts go out for your brother. 

[jcbrown]

Positive energy to your brother @SunnyBeBe.

And @Oldernowiser you are knocking it out of the park, please forgive lazy sports metaphor. Your caring posts are choking me up.

[emma675]

Sunnybebe, good thoughts for your brother tomorrow. This might sound odd, but I feel like doctors and nurses are much calmer and happier with scheduled surgeries right now. I had an outpatient procedure last week and had the same 'drop off at the door and no one could go in with me' situation, and one of the nurses and I were talking about how different it was now. She said it was much easier on them without having to deal with patient's families trying to crowd in after surgery and demanding the nurse's attention when they were trying to care for the person who actually just had surgery. It's definitely harder on the families, but I feel like the level of patient care has only increased, in a good way. 

[awaken]

The encouragement on this thread has really been lifting me up during this long slog. Such mixed days of being bored silly, overwhelmed, scared for our lives and the world, happy to have extra time to do and notice small happy things. What a time. 

Edited October 15, 2020 by awaken

[SunnyBeBe]

I agree that the encouragement on this thread is amazing. We never know how we might add support to someone or brighten their day. It’s a great opportunity to make a difference. 
 

I hope the limitation of people going into the surgery wing will also keep it free from other bugs too. So, less chance of him getting sick from something else. We just recently found out, he’s going to be a  first time grandfather!

[ChiCricket]

On 10/12/2020 at 10:19 AM, Barb23 said:

I've also decided on the Christmas gifts for the ladies in my family. I started coming up with something homemade or a little different a few years ago & the gifts have been a hit. I'm not very crafty but came across decorated memo books & other little items I'm going to cover with scrapbook paper & other doodads.

Speaking of Christmas (which reminded me of holidays in general) I was thinking that this will be the first time in my 51 years of marriage that I won't be decorating for Halloween. Because...covid. I'm not going to advertise my house as trick or treating friendly..because I don't feel comfortable doing it (for everyone's sake.)

 On the upside of that..I won't have to take everything down again!😂

And...one of my nieces usually hosts the whole family for an extended family Thanksgiving party, and her sister usually does the same for Christmas.

Just got word that both are not being held this year. It was the two times a year I got to see many people of my extended family...but we all agree it's wise.

 Even my kids and grands might not get even together for Christmas(and Hanukkah if/when my daughter and family can make it.)

We always do(did) that, come hell or high water. 😢

I HATE this...not for me, but all the kids! They are missing so much.😭

What about everyone else? Have you even thought (obsessed) that far ahead yet?

 Just me? 😁

On 10/13/2020 at 1:02 PM, SunnyBeBe said:

it cracked me up.  I guess, I'm pretty desperate for entertainment.  Hey, it was that or The Family Chantel!  lol  

To end on a lighter note..even the most desperate of times will not coax me to watch Family Chantel...even I have *some* standards for my trash TV.🙄

 Love me some 90 day fiancee, but they are so obviously fake they make my teeth itch.

Ps I think that last part might be "boards on boards" ... never really understood that on TwoP. I lurked there for years, and when I finally got up the courage to post a few times, the site went belly-up. (I'm a jinx)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edited October 15, 2020 by ChiCricket

[Absolom]

15 minutes ago, ChiCricket said:

 Even my kids and grands might not get even together for Christmas(and Hanukkah if/when my daughter and family can make it.)

My side has pretty much decided we're skipping the big multi-family Thanksgiving this year.  The hostess has a bad habit of inviting whoever and their girlfriends and boyfriends.  She hasn't been keeping to stay at home and has people over that she "trusts."  

We're lucky to live in Southern California and can hopefully get a good day on or around Christmas to have it outside with the grandchildren.  We've been doing their birthdays that way and they don't seem to mind.  They've always had either fully or partly outside birthdays anyway so it's just a smaller group of people.

[PikaScrewChu]

2 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

That just sounds like an asshole thing to say to someone! “We’d love to invite you BUT...”, if they really wanted to be kind they would’ve said “you can join us in two weeks if you’re taking XYZ precautions like us.”

People can be callous. 

 

2 hours ago, Oldernowiser said:

For the record and speaking as an old broad, what they did was shitty. They could have asked you what precautions you’re taking before they just made an assumption! I kick them in the shins on your behalf. Besides, if you’re in their exercise classes, you’re in their damned “pod.” Unless of course you’ve mastered the art of never exhaling.

That was shitty, not “minor.” I’m so sorry, sweetie. I know we’re only virtual but you’ll always have us, okay?

Big fierce hugs!

Ok this cracked me up. I was just so taken aback because one has profound hearing loss and I was deliberately standing several feet away. I had to take off my mask so she could read my lips. One of them snapped at me for having my mask off! I was like, wait. I'm quite a distance away from you and we're outdoors. I gave them the benefit of a doubt because I think we've all done and said insensitive things during this time. 

My mom tells me I am way too forgiving and compassionate. She would have snapped. I just didn't want hostility in what is my "safe space".

[Love2dance]

@SunnyBeBe, I am definitely wishing a successful surgery and easy recovery for your brother. You are in my thoughts! 
 

 

[jcbrown]

@ChiCricket, not just you. I've been thinking about the holidays, too. We have had my husband's sister and family for Thanksgiving the last two years and it has been fantastic, despite challenging dietary restrictions. Prior to that, we had a friend from across the country who would nearly always come for Thanksgiving. This year, it will be just us. I have talked to my sister about opening Christmas presents over FaceTime in matching X-mas jammies (that I would send her) but other than that, it will be just us for Christmas, too. We generally have our local friends over for Christmas Eve but nope.

Such a weird time.

[Love2dance]

I can’t even let my mind go to Thanksgiving or Christmas. I really don’t think either of the gatherings are going to happen for our families, and I am really having a hard time with that.

[Girl in a Cardigan]

I had to talk with my parents last week about it and it was making me crazy. Basically for the first time ever, I'm not going to be with them for Thanksgiving. I'm also having a milestone birthday the week before and I'll be here. After things slow down at work, I can drive down to them  and quarantine for two weeks (it takes two days to get there). Then we can celebrate a holiday a day for a week. But I couldn't forgive myself if I brought the virus into their home.

Luckily, they were fine with all of that and not mad like I thought they might be. They're more worried about me because I'm by myself and while I'll probably be sad to spend my birthday alone, I'm not really big on the whole turkey thing (last year I had pizza at a restaurant!), so I'm not that broken up about it. 

But it still sucks. We've all been living like this for seven months and nothing's gotten better.

[GeeGolly]

I've been thinking about the holidays on and off since July. Due to their job, one of my kids visits with us outside and only enters the house with a mask. We may call the holidays off this year. Very heartbreaking. I keep trying to tell myself that these holidays are just social constructs, but that is not really working for me. I wanted to do Thanksgiving in our cars, but I'm not getting buy-in from the rest of the gang. Whatever happens, happens, and next year is another year, but ya, my heart sinks as I try and figure what we'll do.

[Jeeves]

@SunnyBeBe, also sending good vibes for your brother. 

I haven't talked with my cousin about the local family's plans for Thanksgiving. I may choose to stay home even if they all get together. I really hate the thought that I might infect someone, actually as much as I fear getting COVID myself. I'm pretty careful, spend most days at home, but I do go grocery shopping, live in a condo building with shared hallways, garage, etc., and take the occasional road trip to camp out in my minivan. I wear a mask even to leave my condo unit and walk down the hall, but still.

What a crazy time we are living through. So many lives disrupted, if not by death and disease, by economic hardships, loneliness, threatened dreams, lost opportunities, unhappy/unsafe home lives, and heaven knows what else. My own situation is safe, I'm not sick, and yet this situation has been grinding on for months and it's disheartening. 

Thank you all for being good caring people. It does help to chat with you.

[Scarlett45]

9 hours ago, ChiCricket said:

What about everyone else? Have you even thought (obsessed) that far ahead yet?

I did decorate early for Halloween- my neighborhood isnt a trick or treating spot, but I think the community has enjoyed the decorations. My typical Thanksgiving dinner is being moved back  a week given travel schedules of the chef :). With Mom's upcoming surgery on actual thanksgiving M (my sister's caregiver) will be working a half day, I will be driving to Chinatown to pick up our dinner and then I will take care of my sister the rest of the day, we will eat, and then I will put up the christmas indoor decorations. 

Christmas dinner celebrations will be standard- likely ill do breakfast with my Mom/Sister along with presents and then dinner/presents with my BFF and her family.

 

So the holidays at least will look "normal" minus the theatre, tea at The Drake etc etc. Im sending great aunt and cousin a Harry and David's box of pears and cheese (not contributing to the hoard). Everyone else outside of my household and my BFFs family is getting their presents via mail. 

[emma675]

With my mom doing chemo, my cousin being a nurse who works in a large hospital, and many of my family not following quarantine rules strictly (don't get me started, grrrrr), we aren't doing our usual Thanksgiving this year. And probably not Christmas either.

Selfishly, I'm kind of looking forward to it. I've never had a holiday where I'm not rushing to a relative's house full of a large crush of family. Don't get me wrong, I love them all, but I think I'll enjoy a small holiday for a change where I don't have to travel. 

[Happyfatchick]

I don’t know what to make of the whole thing.  It’s so bizarre to me I general.  We both took pay cuts (but we own the company).  Delta took cuts across the board (25% I think).  It looks like everything is running at less than half.  And yet... I see new construction happening all around me.  I know a man currently building the first 3 houses of a new subdivision.  There’s a huge new subdivision of houses between here and the shop - it’s filling nicely and they’ve cleared the roads for the second phase.  One of our main customers at the shop is a shuttle service for Medicare/medicaid patients and they are running less than 50%.  Our main shuttle service for airport parking is running 7 buses out of 100.  Hotels are empty.  Restaurants have adjusted to delivery but aren’t nearly at full speed.  But.  The construction.  Who IS it functioning at full speed buying up new construction???  Near my son, three brand new houses have just completed and sold.  Since March.  And all this other new stuff.  
 

I must not be a risk taker in my heart.  It actually gives me some anxiety when I see them breaking ground for new construction.  I’m all about growth - but I’m far more into security.  If someone even lightly suggested right now “let’s build a new house” or buy a car (and I neeeeeeeeeeed a car, I truly do!) I just can’t!!!!!  I would laugh for DAYS if someone told me I had to commit right now.  In fact, we had a muuuuuuuuch nicer, roomier, upscale house before buying my parents place and moving to a shoebox -  but ended up with half the note in the process (and There is some vindication in THAT!!!).  
I just don’t understand.  With the guy entire country operating at 30-50%, why aren’t we in far worse trouble financially???  Anyone besides me remember the interest rate being 22%?  Gas prices shot through the roof and crippled the entire country.  I can’t wrap my head around this dichotomy of having no money but getting in position to spend money. 
This always reminds me of My years in HR.  (Which is where I learned the art of breathing under pessimism in the first place probably).  If someone was really truly struggling in a job, just not making the changes, or just not quite able to perform, and people were meeting about them - maybe their boss was coming to see me, lining up the “squad” - that PERSON would come driving in to work in a brand new car.   The logic escapes me.  Alligators up your BUTT, dude, and you’re over at the dealership that night.  They LEFT in style I guess...

I know there IS an explanation,  I know my brain just doesn’t work that way.  

[Ohiopirate02]

22 minutes ago, Happyfatchick said:

I don’t know what to make of the whole thing.  It’s so bizarre to me I general.  We both took pay cuts (but we own the company).  Delta took cuts across the board (25% I think).  It looks like everything is running at less than half.  And yet... I see new construction happening all around me.  I know a man currently building the first 3 houses of a new subdivision.  There’s a huge new subdivision of houses between here and the shop - it’s filling nicely and they’ve cleared the roads for the second phase.  One of our main customers at the shop is a shuttle service for Medicare/medicaid patients and they are running less than 50%.  Our main shuttle service for airport parking is running 7 buses out of 100.  Hotels are empty.  Restaurants have adjusted to delivery but aren’t nearly at full speed.  But.  The construction.  Who IS it functioning at full speed buying up new construction???  Near my son, three brand new houses have just completed and sold.  Since March.  And all this other new stuff.  
 

I must not be a risk taker in my heart.  It actually gives me some anxiety when I see them breaking ground for new construction.  I’m all about growth - but I’m far more into security.  If someone even lightly suggested right now “let’s build a new house” or buy a car (and I neeeeeeeeeeed a car, I truly do!) I just can’t!!!!!  I would laugh for DAYS if someone told me I had to commit right now.  In fact, we had a muuuuuuuuch nicer, roomier, upscale house before buying my parents place and moving to a shoebox -  but ended up with half the note in the process (and There is some vindication in THAT!!!).  
I just don’t understand.  With the guy entire country operating at 30-50%, why aren’t we in far worse trouble financially???  Anyone besides me remember the interest rate being 22%?  Gas prices shot through the roof and crippled the entire country.  I can’t wrap my head around this dichotomy of having no money but getting in position to spend money. 
This always reminds me of My years in HR.  (Which is where I learned the art of breathing under pessimism in the first place probably).  If someone was really truly struggling in a job, just not making the changes, or just not quite able to perform, and people were meeting about them - maybe their boss was coming to see me, lining up the “squad” - that PERSON would come driving in to work in a brand new car.   The logic escapes me.  Alligators up your BUTT, dude, and you’re over at the dealership that night.  They LEFT in style I guess...

I know there IS an explanation,  I know my brain just doesn’t work that way.  

The new construction makes sense.  Many Americans have been working either at their place of employment or from home.  Those working from home have realized that their homes may not have enough space for them to work comfortably especially if they also have children attending classes remotely.  Real estate has not slowed down outside of major metropolitan areas where people with money have fled to the suburbs.