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Small Talk: The Prayer Closet


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Political discussion is not allowed in this forum- this includes Small Talk topics. Please stay in the spirit of the policy- I have noticed a tendency for some to follow the letter but not the spirit.

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While we understand the frustration (change is never easy), please keep in mind that not everyone feels the same way and that for those members who don't, the ongoing conversation about other forums and chat options can equally be a cause of frustration.

Out of respect for your fellow posters, we kindly ask that you continue any discussion about alternatives via PM or the Technically Speaking: Bugs, Questions, & Suggestions area.

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54 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

Kiwi has passed. Her actual passing was very peaceful. Thanks for all the good thoughts! She was such a good bird and we loved her so much. 

My condolences on your loss. Kiwi is flying over rainbows 🌈 now. 

  • Love 4
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You guys have really helped me feel better. It has been such a hard day. She was really sick, and just wanted to rest, but couldn't. I'm glad my mom was there, and I'm glad I was holding her when she died. I told you guys before I told most of my real life friends because it touched me how supportive you all were! You guys are the best online community. Hugs. @galaxychaser thinking about you too. Know that you are never alone, because this forum is so caring and we are all here for you. 

  • Love 16
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16 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

I can’t find any decent friends. It’s depressing to be alone.

I'm sorry to hear this @galaxychaser. I went through something like that a few years ago. I don't have any magic bullet answers, but things did get better.

During that time I was a bit depressed, and some friendships had kind of dwindled, a matter of our lives just taking different paths. I even considered moving to another state, although I didn't go through with it.

I made myself get out and about even when I didn't feel super-excited to do it. I'm seriously devoted to a hobby; fortunately there are some good groups focused on that activity around here including on meetup.com. I made connections through those activities - including those things I signed up for and showed up for even when tempted to stay home instead. Things in my life feel more balanced these days. As I said, I got no magic bullet solution to offer you. I wish I did! 

  • Love 7
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Christina87, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your little green girl Kiwi. I love budgies, too, and have had four over the years. They all had unique personalities.  They were part of the family, very much loved and deeply mourned when they left us. We had a backyard "funeral" for our last bird, Henry, complete with music, a wine toast and a memorial stone for his burial place hand-painted with his portrait and dates. I keep little framed photos of my birds on our dresser.

  • Love 9
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On 12/13/2018 at 4:17 PM, galaxychaser said:

I can’t find any decent friends. It’s depressing to be alone.

It is most certainly depressing to be alone.  There’s a saying (and someone will cough it up) about how it’s even more depressing to be alone in the middle of people.   Not often, but sometimes, my husband goes away for some days. I’m that girl... the one running around without combing my hair, wearing my pajamas for days (the same ones!), sitting in the bathtub for so long I look like a prune and have to replenish hot water 5-6 times.  I LOVE alone time.  Truthfully, I feel less alone during that time than I do when he’s here sometimes.  

I too wish I had a magic fix for your loneliness.  It hurts my heart that you feel that way.  Who’s our social worker on here?  I remember last year she talked about the depression for many being so strong at this time of year.  Every commercial portrays deep feelings and love and warm grandparents and togetherness and gifts and love and music - to the point that all of America strives for that.  We all see it, we all know it, it sickens all of us collectively - while we’re still trying to achieve Hallmark.  What the everloving helllll???  How stupid are we?  Me, anyway?  How stupid am I?   I get stuck in the memory trap.  If I can’t remember Christmas last year, I didn’t do it right.  I MUST make everything memory worthy.  It’s a trap and I’m stuck.  At the same time, I think we need specific events and times and dates to be together.  

@galaxychaser, it bothers me more than you can know that you feel alone.  Yes, we’re all floating out here in cyber world, but we love you and care for your wellbeing, including your state of mind.  Loneliness sucks like a boss.  I don’t have a magic fix, but my best advice is to stay away from feel-good Christmas movies.  Nobody wakes up in full makeup with their hair in place, most of us don’t wear cute plaid pajamas, NOBODY has a house that looks like those movies, Candice Cameron-Burre has GOT to be 95 (and the plots get worse and worse) and there’s SO MUCH wrong with those stupid Christmas cookies I can’t even BEGIN.  (Oh dear, I fear I went off on a rant and didn’t even see it coming!)

@Christina87, I am so sorry about Kiwi.  I don’t have birds, but I think they’re beautiful.  Thank you for posting pics of your feathery friends.  

@Jeeves, what is this hobby you are so devoted to?  (To which you are so devoted - I know proper English, I just don’t practice it IRL).  

Edited by Happyfatchick
Jeeves’ hobby
  • Love 13
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8 hours ago, Bayarea4 said:

Christina87, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your little green girl Kiwi. I love budgies, too, and have had four over the years. They all had unique personalities.  They were part of the family, very much loved and deeply mourned when they left us. We had a backyard "funeral" for our last bird, Henry, complete with music, a wine toast and a memorial stone for his burial place hand-painted with his portrait and dates. I keep little framed photos of my birds on our dresser.

Awwwww that is so sweet!!! I love that you keep their memory alive even now. You are so right about their personalities! They are all so unique and special. The sad thing is that Kiwi was the best natured bird ever, and it's hard to see bad things happen to good people / birds. Roy's the leader, Sunny's the independent girl, Lucky's the stereotypical well-meaning but clueless male, snowy's the cool girl who knows it, woody's the baby...and Kiwi was the sweet, loving one. Kiwi would never have hurt a fly, and yet she had to suffer such horrible pain, which she did gracefully. I went out and had a good time tonight, and was able to think about other things, but I'm just so torn up about it now that I'm back and have time to think. I came back to my apartment today, and grieved that she will never come here again. She deserves to be here with the rest of her flock. I felt like I was making some progress this morning when I heard the other birds chirping, and was overcome with gratitude and joy that I still have five beloved birds, instead of sad about kiwi, but I've gotten sadder as the day has gone on. It just takes a while, I guess. You can be really grateful and appreciative for the healthy, wonderful birds you have while still grieving for the one who is gone. 

@galaxychaser I don't know if you have any pets, and I know this sounds cliche, but my life's changed a billion times for the better since I bought my birds! They're not even particularly cuddly pets, so most people don't believe that they're such excellent company, but they are. I used to feel lonely too, living by myself and sometimes going through very isolated periods. I'd just gone through a bad migraine season when I started getting the birds, and they really turned things around. It's like having a handful of sweet little children to care for that don't require as much work as an actual child. They gave my life so much more meaning! I'm so excited to know they will be there at the end of the day, and that I can spend time with them whenever I'm home. I feel proud of myself that I'm able to give a few animals a great life, when they may have otherwise ended up abused or neglected. The birds also give me an interesting topic to talk to people about. You may already have pets, or not want them, but from personal experience, my life has been so much less lonely and more fulfilling with my sweet birds!

  • Love 15
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37 minutes ago, galaxychaser said:

General lack of family and friends. And my birthday is after Christmas. I will be alone at home . 

This time used to be my favorite time of the year. Now not so much. 

I’m very sorry. I understand what it’s like to be lonely. And it is harder to make friends as adults. Online communication can be great but all humans need in person local interaction. I second the idea of joining a meet up centered around something you’re passionate about, you are likely to meet like minded people who also seek friends. 

 

Another note- I know what it’s like to be an unpartnered 30 something childfree woman in the baby crazy 30s, I gave enjoyed the companionship of some of my older cousins (late 50s/early 60s). Their kids are grown and out of the house but they are not elderly, being open to making friends with people outside of my age group has helped. 

 

I dont know if its cold where you live but winter and lack of sunlight can make these feelings worse. ((((Hugs))))

  • Love 13
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1 hour ago, Scarlett45 said:

I’m very sorry. I understand what it’s like to be lonely. And it is harder to make friends as adults. Online communication can be great but all humans need in person local interaction. I second the idea of joining a meet up centered around something you’re passionate about, you are likely to meet like minded people who also seek friends. 

 

Another note- I know what it’s like to be an unpartnered 30 something childfree woman in the baby crazy 30s, I gave enjoyed the companionship of some of my older cousins (late 50s/early 60s). Their kids are grown and out of the house but they are not elderly, being open to making friends with people outside of my age group has helped. 

 

I dont know if its cold where you live but winter and lack of sunlight can make these feelings worse. ((((Hugs))))

I live in nyc. It’s a rainy weekend.

14 hours ago, Christina87 said:

Awwwww that is so sweet!!! I love that you keep their memory alive even now. You are so right about their personalities! They are all so unique and special. The sad thing is that Kiwi was the best natured bird ever, and it's hard to see bad things happen to good people / birds. Roy's the leader, Sunny's the independent girl, Lucky's the stereotypical well-meaning but clueless male, snowy's the cool girl who knows it, woody's the baby...and Kiwi was the sweet, loving one. Kiwi would never have hurt a fly, and yet she had to suffer such horrible pain, which she did gracefully. I went out and had a good time tonight, and was able to think about other things, but I'm just so torn up about it now that I'm back and have time to think. I came back to my apartment today, and grieved that she will never come here again. She deserves to be here with the rest of her flock. I felt like I was making some progress this morning when I heard the other birds chirping, and was overcome with gratitude and joy that I still have five beloved birds, instead of sad about kiwi, but I've gotten sadder as the day has gone on. It just takes a while, I guess. You can be really grateful and appreciative for the healthy, wonderful birds you have while still grieving for the one who is gone. 

@galaxychaser I don't know if you have any pets, and I know this sounds cliche, but my life's changed a billion times for the better since I bought my birds! They're not even particularly cuddly pets, so most people don't believe that they're such excellent company, but they are. I used to feel lonely too, living by myself and sometimes going through very isolated periods. I'd just gone through a bad migraine season when I started getting the birds, and they really turned things around. It's like having a handful of sweet little children to care for that don't require as much work as an actual child. They gave my life so much more meaning! I'm so excited to know they will be there at the end of the day, and that I can spend time with them whenever I'm home. I feel proud of myself that I'm able to give a few animals a great life, when they may have otherwise ended up abused or neglected. The birds also give me an interesting topic to talk to people about. You may already have pets, or not want them, but from personal experience, my life has been so much less lonely and more fulfilling with my sweet birds!

I don’t have any pets. 

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1 hour ago, galaxychaser said:

I live in nyc. It’s a rainy weekend.

I don’t have any pets. 

Well that can put a damper on things for sure.  I agree with the posters who said as hard as it is for you, get out of your house/apt. and maybe comfort zone.  Do things for others, even behind the scenes.  I know from personal experience that saying that sounds like "oh easy for her to say", but, at that point in my life I did manage to take this advice and it does help.  Easy?  No.  Quick fix? No.  But, a start.  Just getting fresh air on one's face can be good.  Like I said to @Christina87, sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the handsome prince, although its not always a prince, could be a new friend, a new activity, a new outlook.  I will repeat, I know this is hard to do, having walked in that path, but, if you muster up some mojo and give it a try, it will pay off!  Keep us posted.

  • Love 12
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@galaxychaser I second what @lookeyloo and @Scarlett45 have said. It is SO hard to make new friends in your 30's, and it's hard to get out of your comfort zone. I've found that most of the time, if you force yourself to do something uncomfortable, you get a better outcome than you had hoped for. I love going to movies alone, and occasionally even a restaurant. I have found that it's easier than you think to strike up conversation with strangers. I always thought they would judge me and think, "gosh, that loser! She's doing this activity alone because no one wants to be with her." However, in my experience, very feel people think that! Most people are happy you reached out and started a conversation with them. They're often happy to talk to you, and treat you like a regular person who has dignity. Do most of these lead to lifelong friendships? Not usually, but brushing up on social skills never hurts, annnnd you just come home feeling more connected to people and the outside world.

Occasionally the person can become a friend, though! I remember meeting a girl at Cheesecake Factory in college when I was waiting for my cousin. I was concerned because she looked about 13, and she was waiting alone. I wanted to keep an eye on her in case someone tried to abduct her or something, LOL! After we started talking, I found out she was actually 21, and a cheerleader for my college. We had a great chat in the waiting area, and then ended up hanging out some more times. 

Just saying, you never know, and it never hurts to be connected to people, even in a really small way. I'm sure having a birthday near Christmas in NYC is lonely, since most people probably go home to their families. I'm saying a prayer for you! Just know you're never truly alone, because you've got friends here. I'm rooting for you!

  • Love 8
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34 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I went to three holiday gatherings today, ate too much sugar and my stomach hurts. 😥

I made latkes for dinner and ate them with sour cream and applesauce and now I am having food regret (that was literally all I made for dinner). But they were tasty...

  • Love 4
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@galaxychaser You don’t have to sit home alone on Christmas. You can bring cheer to others and in return you’ll forget about your own circumstances and get a smile on. 

Go to a local orphanage or group home.  These kids are starving for attention and love when someone reads to them. 

Go to your local soup kitchen. Help feed others that are less fortunate and alone. 

Go to a shelter where people are grateful to have somebody to listen to them. 

Try a retirement home or rehab center. You’d be surprised how few people visits their relatives in these facilities. I’ve cut those snowflakes out of plain white paper and given one to each resident that I visit. That little touch of feeling that someone cares means the world to them. 

Check with your local hospital and see if they are open to you visiting their children’s or geriatric ward. 

See if there are other people in your area in the same situation and try a pot luck party. Some Veterans places and Moose clubs will allow you to use their facilities. Also some churches and homeless shelters. 

I hope one of these suggestions appeal to you. 

  • Love 13
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Last night our next door neighbor came to our house to let us know there were a couple of teenagers trying to get into sheds and looking in vehicles, and we need to check everything to make sure nothing was taken or broken into. Sassy growled when she heard the knock on the door. I have noticed a few times a couple of teenage boys running around our neighborhood before. Someone did call the sheriff department, but I have no idea what happen with the deputies. The two boys were probably long gone before one of the deputies arrived. I told Sassy she was on guard duty. She just rolled her eyes at me. Silly cat! I have no idea why she growls at the next door neighbor. He seems like a nice guy to me.

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I am IN SHOCK!

 

The water delivery man (who delivers water to my wing every other Monday) just tried to kiss me ON THE CHEEK! Yes. Kiss. As in lips touched my cheek. I thought he was leaning over to tell me the water cooler was broke or something  

 

I figured he had the hots for me for a while (always grinning and stopping to talk to me) but that’s fucking BOLD. For the record I do NOT feel unsafe or harassed , Im just in shock. 

  • Love 8
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8 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I am IN SHOCK!

 

The water delivery man (who delivers water to my wing every other Monday) just tried to kiss me ON THE CHEEK! Yes. Kiss. As in lips touched my cheek. I thought he was leaning over to tell me the water cooler was broke or something  

 

I figured he had the hots for me for a while (always grinning and stopping to talk to me) but that’s fucking BOLD. For the record I do NOT feel unsafe or harassed , Im just in shock. 

Oh my. What are you going to do next time? 

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I dropped a frozen turkey on my big toe!!!  I am doing ice on and off and keeping it elevated. I had just a little left on this quilt so got my leg on the table. Right now I just think it is bruised. If things do south in the am will head for X-ray. 

 

1C3AE5EA-72A9-4BDB-A7FA-8D75167E3B55.jpeg

  • Love 6
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36 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

I dropped a frozen turkey on my big toe!!!  I am doing ice on and off and keeping it elevated. I had just a little left on this quilt so got my leg on the table. Right now I just think it is bruised. If things do south in the am will head for X-ray. 

 

1C3AE5EA-72A9-4BDB-A7FA-8D75167E3B55.jpeg

Ouch. I hope it doesn’t go south. We are on our feet so much (usually cooking) during the holidays. Your quilt looks good. Is it a present for someone? If it is they are lucky. 

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1 minute ago, Mindthinkr said:

Ouch. I hope it doesn’t go south. We are on our feet so much (usually cooking) during the holidays. Your quilt looks good. Is it a present for someone? If it is they are lucky. 

So far so good. Just a bit swollen and sore if I move it.  Thanks!  Just for me.  I have a hard time parting with the quilts I make.  Unless it is baby quilt or I start one with someone in mind.  One day they will all be donated.  

  • Love 8
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3 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

Oh my. What are you going to do next time? 

 

2 hours ago, emma675 said:

Whoa, that is totally uncalled for. What did you do?

There won’t be a next time- I told my manager and he’s being moved to another route. A KISS?!!! On my PERSON? In my work place????? Like wtf. I’m still in shock. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. 

  • Love 16
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1 hour ago, lookeyloo said:

I dropped a frozen turkey on my big toe!!!  I am doing ice on and off and keeping it elevated. I had just a little left on this quilt so got my leg on the table. Right now I just think it is bruised. If things do south in the am will head for X-ray. 

 

1C3AE5EA-72A9-4BDB-A7FA-8D75167E3B55.jpeg

Oh no! Feel better. 

  • Love 7
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9 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

I dropped a frozen turkey on my big toe!!!  I am doing ice on and off and keeping it elevated. I had just a little left on this quilt so got my leg on the table. Right now I just think it is bruised. If things do south in the am will head for X-ray. 

 

1C3AE5EA-72A9-4BDB-A7FA-8D75167E3B55.jpeg

OUCH!!!! I sprained my ankle in October by tripping over my dog's ramp, and it seriously just now stopped hurting. It was swollen up a bit too. Definitely go get help if you need it in the morning! I wish I had gone for mine. One thing that did help a lot was sleeping with it elevated. Don't try walking down stairs though...that hurts badly! Hope it gets better SOON! Let us know what you find out. 

7 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

 

There won’t be a next time- I told my manager and he’s being moved to another route. A KISS?!!! On my PERSON? In my work place????? Like wtf. I’m still in shock. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. 

HAHAHAHA not gonna lie, I'm definitely laughing thinking about how entertaining your reaction to that probably was. I feel like I know your personality well enough to imagine that you had a dramatically funny reaction! I must say, that event is definitely not typical. Gives you an interesting story to tell. Glad you won't be seeing that guy again!

  • Love 3
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12 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

 

There won’t be a next time- I told my manager and he’s being moved to another route. A KISS?!!! On my PERSON? In my work place????? Like wtf. I’m still in shock. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. 

Changing his route was the only consequence? No formal write up? No HR sensitivity training? Is he an outside vendor? 

  • Love 5
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27 minutes ago, Catfin said:

Changing his route was the only consequence? No formal write up? No HR sensitivity training? Is he an outside vendor? 

I’m not sure. It’s been reported to all the apporiate channels and they are handling it. I was told I wouldn’t be seeing him again. 

My mom is very glad I told someone right away because if I hadn’t he may gave taken that as an invitation! It’s just so weird because he was a perfectly NORMAL approrpiate person for a long time and then his mouth was on my cheek. Eeeewwww. 

 

5 hours ago, Christina87 said:

 

HAHAHAHA not gonna lie, I'm definitely laughing thinking about how entertaining your reaction to that probably was. I feel like I know your personality well enough to imagine that you had a dramatically funny reaction! I must say, that event is definitely not typical. Gives you an interesting story to tell. Glad you won't be seeing that guy again!

I know the look on my face had to be dramatic. I went to the ladies room right away (because I had to pee) and came back and was like “wtf”. Some of my coworkers were less that enlightened and joking that I should send him a Christmas card ummm no. 

  • Love 8
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19 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I am IN SHOCK!

 

The water delivery man (who delivers water to my wing every other Monday) just tried to kiss me ON THE CHEEK! Yes. Kiss. As in lips touched my cheek. I thought he was leaning over to tell me the water cooler was broke or something  

 

I figured he had the hots for me for a while (always grinning and stopping to talk to me) but that’s fucking BOLD. For the record I do NOT feel unsafe or harassed , Im just in shock. 

I must still be half asleep.   I read the first line of the last paragraph as "I figured he had  the SHOTS..."  Shots as in tetanus, rabies, etc. like if a dog would have bitten you.   

  • Love 6
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20 minutes ago, Barb23 said:

I must still be half asleep.   I read the first line of the last paragraph as "I figured he had  the SHOTS..."  Shots as in tetanus, rabies, etc. like if a dog would have bitten you.   

Ha that’s funny, but no. 

  • Love 2
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7 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I’m not sure. It’s been reported to all the apporiate channels and they are handling it. I was told I wouldn’t be seeing him again. 

My mom is very glad I told someone right away because if I hadn’t he may gave taken that as an invitation! It’s just so weird because he was a perfectly NORMAL approrpiate person for a long time and then his mouth was on my cheek. Eeeewwww. 

 

I know the look on my face had to be dramatic. I went to the ladies room right away (because I had to pee) and came back and was like “wtf”. Some of my coworkers were less that enlightened and joking that I should send him a Christmas card ummm no. 

I'm glad you reported right away too!!! I had a coworker try to kiss me (and he was married!!!), and he said some really inappropriate things. I gave him one day to clean up his act, and that was the most traumatizing day ever. I reported him after that day, and he was dismissed immediately. They didn't play around with that, thankfully! It was really awkward because his wife was best friends with another teacher, and she definitely was icy to me after that. I don't know what he told them, but it wasn't good!!! I firmly believe now in the one strike and you're out rule with that. You never know what kind of situations that could have progressed into. 

  • Love 11
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23 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

I'm glad you reported right away too!!! I had a coworker try to kiss me (and he was married!!!), and he said some really inappropriate things. I gave him one day to clean up his act, and that was the most traumatizing day ever. I reported him after that day, and he was dismissed immediately. They didn't play around with that, thankfully! It was really awkward because his wife was best friends with another teacher, and she definitely was icy to me after that. I don't know what he told them, but it wasn't good!!! I firmly believe now in the one strike and you're out rule with that. You never know what kind of situations that could have progressed into. 

You cannot go around touching people inappropriately. Period. Words are bad enough, but LIPS! At work?!!!! 

Im so very sorry that happened to you (from a co-worker no less), I’ve been fortunate that all my male co-workers have always been 100% respectful. A few have thought I was pretty (a woman can tell these things) but never said or did anything outside of basic politeness. 

It’s especially gross when older men who know they couldn’t get a younger woman socially do things like that (groping or touching without her permission). Ewwww. 

  • Love 5
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Gosh, ladies, who are dealing with repulsive men!  Glad to know you are not letting them get away with it.

Toe update:  Must not have been broken.  It is purple now, but bends nicely and hardly hurts.  I went to zumba, altered some of the steps and then walked in the mall.  I put arnica cream on it and hemp CBD cream because that is the only legal thing in this state.

@bigskygirl - maybe santa will bring you a computer!

  • Love 7
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On 12/17/2018 at 4:39 PM, lookeyloo said:

I dropped a frozen turkey on my big toe!!!  I am doing ice on and off and keeping it elevated. I had just a little left on this quilt so got my leg on the table. Right now I just think it is bruised. If things do south in the am will head for X-ray. 

 

1C3AE5EA-72A9-4BDB-A7FA-8D75167E3B55.jpeg

Feel better!

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