Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[JenCarroll]

I have to get my grandkids into therapy for abuse, also I have to get them a tutor so they can go to school and not be behind as they are so far behind their age level. It is going to be a real fun summer for me.

Good luck to all of you. There's no way to make it easy, but you're doing a wonderful thing for them.

[lookeyloo]

Happyfatchick said "We live about 30 miles south of Atlanta, but when I'm away from home and someone asks us where we live, we always say Atlanta."

 

We are moving to an Atlanta suburb between September and the end of the year.  Working on the house now.  maybe our paths will cross and we won't even know it!  I'll wear a shirt that says "previouslytv" and you can look for me.

 

If this goes in the Small Talk, mods please move.  

[frenchtoast]

Lookeyloo, you're in the Small Talk topic. :)

[Wellfleet]

Her bday is Jan. 25th. She was @ 31 weeks gestation. So, she's 3 months, 3 weeks old. Adjusted for prematurity, she's 7 weeks. Tummy to back rolling is normally reached at four months, so she's advanced. Lol. Size wise, she looks like a seven week old baby, but she acts like a 3-4month old.

 

Sounds like Maisie is well on her way - more proof that early intervention and stimulation can make all the difference! Go Team Maisie! :>)

[dillpickles]

Maisie is adorable. She's so strong willed! She'll go places, I'm sure.

[CherryMalotte]

Seashell Lover you have my undying respect and love for what you are doing.  Bless you - and your grandchildren will one day, when they are adults, really appreciate all you are doing for them. 

 

I so like this thread.  There's always a certain level of bullshit that's always going on in my home but I'm very appreciative of what I have, and there's always more good and bad and indifferent to come!  We went thru a horrible period that I dubbed Black Celebration because it was so many deaths and family upheavals and junk topped onto junk - felt like my life was a Dali painting, and not a good one.  I suppose reading about Maisie and SSL getting her grandkids - it's good, and there's still a lot of hope out there yet to be had.

 

Of course I should add that I'm taking my near 20 year old female offspring to the salon this weekend to get her hair dyed purple...like purpley purple.  Not quite sure what that says about my parenting skills!    

[frenchtoast]

The only reason I won't let my daughter dye her hair whatever color she wants is because she's 9 and I'm worried about the damage and health effects on a small body. Once she gets bigger, heck yeah! 

[Seashell Lover]

I hate to brag but I just heard a wonderful sound coming from my grandsons room they are playing a video game and they are fighting. Normally I would not like the sound of them fighting but after what they went through it is great to hear them starting to act like normal boys. 

[JenCarroll]

Of course I should add that I'm taking my near 20 year old female offspring to the salon this weekend to get her hair dyed purple...like purpley purple.  Not quite sure what that says about my parenting skills!

Lol. I let my now 20-yr. old do that at, I think, 15. Now she's over it and back to blond.

There are things worth arguing about and things that are not. You have to let the kids win sometimes. Otherwise they feel like they have no control over their lives, and they end up as either angry or overly passive adults. I believe in saving the battles for things you really, really care about and/or that have long-term repercussions. A dye job? You can color over it or cut it off or let it grow out. Nothing to sweat over.

Since your daughter asked you to help her out with this, she must already know that you respect and trust her to make her own choices. IMHO that speaks very well for your parenting skills.

[CherryMalotte]

IMHO that speaks very well for your parenting skills.

 

LOL - maybe!  Really she's been going back and forth about it for so long I'm 1) sick of hearing about it, and 2) sick of hearing about it.  When I went and got my skunk stripe touched up last weekend I told her that our fave girl is graduating from the teaching salon we go to and to get it done soon.  Again with the dithering.  I finally told her to quit being a pussy about it and just do it, it's hair and it'll grow back or she can do another color. 

 

We checked her and a friend into a hotel last year for an anime convention.  It was a bit of a drive so I took my mother with me for company.  Lots of very animated kids and adults, every variety of dress and hair and costume.  All my mother said later was that it was very 'colorful'.  I imagine it'll be the same for the hair. 

[ramble]

Let us know how the hair turns out. My oldest got her hair rainbow striped in chunks a few years ago. It was the year before she changed schools & went into one with a strict dress code including hair color. She enjoyed it. I knew it would be several years before she could do anything crazy like that again so I figured why not!

[Jenniferbug]

I always wanted to dye my hair purple and never did. I regret that now, as even if I wanted to now, my employer wouldn't allow it.

[dillpickles]

I always wanted to dye my hair purple and never did. I regret that now, as even if I wanted to now, my employer wouldn't allow it.

Maybe get a wig sometimes. The cosplayers biggest trick after-all ;)

[Jenniferbug]

Not a bad idea, dillpickles :-)

[JenCarroll]

LOL - maybe! Really she's been going back and forth about it for so long I'm 1) sick of hearing about it, and 2) sick of hearing about it. When I went and got my skunk stripe touched up last weekend I told her that our fave girl is graduating from the teaching salon we go to and to get it done soon. Again with the dithering. I finally told her to quit being a pussy about it and just do it, it's hair and it'll grow back or she can do another color.

We checked her and a friend into a hotel last year for an anime convention. It was a bit of a drive so I took my mother with me for company. Lots of very animated kids and adults, every variety of dress and hair and costume. All my mother said later was that it was very 'colorful'. I imagine it'll be the same for the hair.

Hm, I think we actually have the same daughter. :-)

I was actually a little surprised that while the hair was bright purple, she was hired as a coach for a children's sport team. It was in this really posh town and I thought there might be complaints from the parents, but no; everyone loved her. Four years later she's still the summer coach. I guess it's a lot more mainstream acceptable than when I was a kid.

Edited May 22, 2015 by JenCarroll

[Fuzzysox]

I stole this from my friend's FB page. Josh has company:

 

http://www.rawstory.com/2015/05/four-of-six-homeschooled-brothers-plead-guilty-to-molesting-their-sister-while-anti-school-parents-did-nothing/

[bigskygirl]

I am glad we have our Maisie updates. Reading about a sweet, darling baby can help all of us deal with the sadness, horror, and anger over the terrible news the last couple of days.

[MarysWetBar]

I'm going to post this here for lack of a better or more appropriate place. I was struck by how many shared their own stories of abuse in relation to the news about Josh. This was such a powerful piece i wanted to share it with those members.

http://www.abandoningpretense.com/2015/05/call-him-out.html

Edited May 23, 2015 by MarysWetBar

[wanderwoman]

I am glad we have our Maisie updates. Reading about a sweet, darling baby can help all of us deal with the sadness, horror, and anger over the terrible news the last couple of days.

If Maisie can be a bright spot in someone's day, I'm happy to oblige.

[jcbrown]

I think I can speak for others when I say that Maisie is always a bright spot in our days.

[frenchtoast]

(SpaghettiTuesdays answering your question, that I moved, in Announcements from the Mods.)

[CherryMalotte]

Well, no hair color today, the teaching salon is closed but we did get her test stripe done, it's indigo and bright orchid.  It's really cool.  When she does the whole head I'll post a picture.

 

I agree, there's nothing like a small child or baby to brighten the day.  Or...I really good strawberry sundae.  That'll do it!  

[Absolom]

I did one of my blonde daughter's hair with temporary bright blue several years ago.  One thing we didn't know is that temporary color on light blonde isn't always temporary.  It faded but never completely washed out and we had to wait a year until her hair was long enough to have it all cut out.  ;)  She gave the high school.valedictory speech with half a head of baby blue hair and it was quite the topic of discussion when she began college.  

[MarysWetBar]

Oh so true! Years and years ago, my friends and I dyed our hair green as it was the football team's colour. I had blonde hair and my friends all had darker hair. Guess who showed up to prom with a funky faded green 'do? Lol

Edited May 23, 2015 by MarysWetBar

[JenCarroll]

Yeah, at one point DD1 did a self-dye job in blue (with the temporary stuff) over blond hair; end result, faded green. I took her to a professional to color over it, which worked. Then when THAT grew out and she wanted purple, we got it done professionally. Fortunately DD2 has never been interested in coloring her dark brown hair. :-)

[Absolom]

I took the baby blue hair to our hair stylist and after checking she told us the best thing to do was leave it alone.  She thought if we messed with it we could end up with a vile shade of green.  It all has to do with the undertones of the natural hair color I believe she said.  Needless to say when the next daughter wanted a red temporary tint off she went to the salon.  

[Bean421]

Someone asked what we'd do if we found our child had victimized another.

My family endured something very similar and my parents painfully reported it and my brother at 13 was removed from the home for treatment for two years. During that time we had LOADS of individual and family therapy. It was a really dark tIme. When he finished the program, his transition home wasn't immediate but gradually worked up to over a six month period. Even though it's been many many years there are still rules about behavior with grandkids now in the mix. Kids are always watched by two adults during gatherings. It's what needs to be done to keep everyone,brother included,safe.

Jimbob and Michelle had choices, they just chose themselves instead of the kids.

[Happyfatchick]

Someone asked what we'd do if we found our child had victimized another.

My family endured something very similar and my parents painfully reported it and my brother at 13 was removed from the home for treatment for two years. During that time we had LOADS of individual and family therapy. It was a really dark tIme. When he finished the program, his transition home wasn't immediate but gradually worked up to over a six month period. Even though it's been many many years there are still rules about behavior with grandkids now in the mix. Kids are always watched by two adults during gatherings. It's what needs to be done to keep everyone,brother included,safe.

Jimbob and Michelle had choices, they just chose themselves instead of the kids.

I'm so sorry you had to endure this, Bean. How traumatizing! Kudos to your family for taking the right steps and for continuing to be diligent. Very unfortunate that the "watch" has to continue, but I love it that it does (continue).

It's astounding the number of posters who've dealt with this in their own family lives! Heartbreaking, really!!!

ETA: mods, move this and Beans' post - not sure where to go with it!

Edited May 23, 2015 by Happyfatchick

[frenchtoast]

Personal stories are fine here. We asked for personal stories, and the responses to them, to be moved here.

 

I would also remind everyone, as I'm sure you all know, that this situation is bringing back painful memories for many, many people. As angry as we are at the perpetrator, let's try to keep our rage to a simmer so as to make everyone feel comfortable. In short, let's not make an already terrible situation that much worse. Restraint never hurt anyone.

[wanderwoman]

A lot of families choose to close their eyes and stick fingers in their ears when it comes to one sibling molesting another. As I said in the other thread, there's also a curious phenomenon wherein abuse is multigenerational and cyclical. Given the odd behavior regarding sex that consumes the Duggars, is it really surprising?

I don't think I've been molested. I did, however, engage in a game of doctor as a kid. We were both about four and it was more curiosity about what he had and I didn't. Our mom's bathed us together until we were school aged and I honestly never thought twice about it until today. I'm almost certain I told my mom what we had done and there was definitely a conversation about "good touch/bad touch", I remember that. But, I also know that sex wasn't a taboo topic in our house and I would've told my parents anything (and did). I know people who were abused by siblings and it seems like the taboo stuns parents into inaction.

As a new mom, I would tear someone up if they ever touched my baby and my husband knows plenty of places to bury a body. I joke,...sort of. I'm trying to put myself in the Duggars' shoes and all I come back to is that you protect the victim while you discern the rationale of the abuser (if the abuser is a child...if the abuser is an adult, see above). I wouldn't put my family on stage while deducing the problem though.

[BitterApple]

I have a cousin who was molested by our uncle as a boy. My mom came from a large Irish Catholic family where the younger kids weren't much older than the oldest cousins. Similar to the Duggars, my uncle was 14 at the time of the incident and my cousin was around 7. Growing up none of us were aware of what happened. They always seemed like good friends and my uncle even served as a Groomsman in my cousin's wedding. When the truth finally came out the family was divided. Some of the siblings wanted nothing to do with him, some tried to be understanding and others wanted to pretend the whole thing didn't exist. My uncle himself dropped a bombshell and said he was molested as a child, although he wouldn't disclose by whom. It was hard to process because my uncle had never done anything inappropriate with me and he was also my Godfather. I think that's why I'm having a hard time going into full outrage mode with Boob and Michelle. Yes, they created an absolute clusterfuck by mishandling the situation but I also think they thought they were doing the right thing by dealing with Josh in-house. It's easy to say you should have done this or that when you're on the outside looking in, it's not as easy when you're talking about your own children.

[bluebonnet]

I don't doubt that Jim Bob and Michelle thought they were doing the right thing because I don't doubt that they buy into the belief system they espouse.  But their own good intentions doesn't absolve them from how wrong they are.  

 

I think treatment and handling a situation like this usually needs to be considered on a case by case basis.  The one thing that shouldn't differ is making sure to separate the perpetrator from the victims, in most cases this involves removing the violator entirely from the home.  I think it's probably obvious why you want to remove the violator from the victims.  Perhaps it's not so obvious why on the perps end.  This is a poor comparison, but think of an addict.  Would you put an addict in the same room with his drug of choice and just hope it all works out?  Unless you are hoping the addict continues abusing X drug, no you wouldn't put temptation right in their face.

 

It's perfectly reasonable that the parents want to protect all of their children, even the one who did such a horrible thing.  Sometimes protecting means removing them from an environment.  I have an adult cousin who was an abuser when he was a minor.  He was removed from the home and sent to treatment and law enforcement became involved.  I used to couldn't even stand to look at him, let alone speak to him.  It's only in the last couple of years when he became a vocal advocate for me within the family concerning LGBTQIA issues that I bothered to face him about the things he did.  One conversation stuck with me.  He said that before he was caught, he knew what he was doing was wrong but that he felt completely powerless to stop doing it.  He described feeling constantly inundated with these terrible thoughts and always feeling like he was holding back doing something that his mind was telling him to do and always fighting this until finally he'd snap.  He said that though he hated his parents for making him leave, being placed in a home where there were no other children was a relief because he didn't have to be in this constant state of battle.

 

It took several years for my cousin to understand and accept that his life wasn't going to be what he thought it would be because there was no way he could have children or be the loving uncle, he couldn't be a teacher or coach little league.  It took even longer for him to understand exactly what it was he did to his victims, how it fundamentally altered who they were, even if only a little bit.  He is most certainly not forgiven and thank frack he's never stooped so low to ask for it.  But I have felt a certain sense of comfort in understanding some of what he experienced when he did these things.  Removing the offending child from the home might be incredibly painful, but it's also one of the best things to be done for him/her.  

Edited May 24, 2015 by bluebonnet

[Mindymoo]

I am a survivor of sex abuse and rape, though not by a family member. My cousin, however, is. She was raped by our paternal grandfather. He had raped and molested his daughters all throughout their childhood. He sent my dad to a seminary boarding school because my dad was a volatile loose cannon, and had he found out, my grandfather would have had the shit beaten out of him. Well, with my cousin, she was abused for eleven years. She always knew what was going on was horrible, but didn't know how to verbalize it. After seeing an episode on Oprah about child molestation, she tried to speak out. It took four people before someone took her seriously. The fourth person? One of our aunts, who was abused by the same man, and had a "holy shit" reaction. My uncle and aunt didn't press charges; rather, he went through counseling and so did she. He was, by court order, banned from having contact with children. Yet they still brought my cousin around him, and she was still abused by him. Had it been me, my parents would have pressed charges, if my dad hadn't killed him first. Sadly, my cousin is seen as the black sheep of the family, while my aunts and her dad pretend that he was the best dad in the universe and a hero because he fought the Nazis in the Polish Resistance (which is great, don't get me wrong) and very few of my cousins know. My cousin is a complete mess, has attempted suicide multiple times, and has no one but me, my wife, and my parents to lean on. You know, because we don't play pretend that our grandparents were great people, and we listen to her. It's interesting that this came out when it did, because my cousin made a huge post on Facebook outing our grandfather, and I've had my cousins contacting me asking me if it's the truth or not, and I've had to say "yes it is, but really, you need to ask your mom about it. It's not my place to give you the dirty details."

 

Anyway, I'm not a parent, and never will be. However, if I was, and my child molested another one of my children, or any child, I wouldn't hesitate to have charges pressed against that child. Not for one second. I know what it's like to be a child of rape and molestation. If the authorities opted to not press charges or my child didn't want to testify, I'd get the abuser as far away from the victim as possible. While I'd still have love for that child, my duty would be to protect the child who had been molested or raped. To get him/her the care they needed with therapy, and to get them as far from their abuser as possible. I'm not saying I'd put them in foster care, but I would have to find some other person to take care of them, and would pay for some serious, deep, intensive psychiatric therapy for that child as well. And I would make sure that my family knew to keep him away from the younger children in the family, just so he/she wouldn't have another chance to abuse another member of our family. I wouldn't sweep it under the rug, shame the abused, or just play pretend like my family has with my cousin because I know how disastrous that is. What the Duggars did is sickening, and is reminding me of what happened to my cousin, and what is continuing to happen to my cousin where everyone just pretends that it never happened, and she should just get over it because the abuser was such a "lovely" person. My Dziadzio preyed on the most vulnerable of all of his grandchildren, and the coldness of our family in the years since just astounds me. But hey, she's just a girl right? Why should she ruin his life?

[BitterApple]

I think many family members don't want to face reality which is why they find it easier to blame the victim. Speaking from my own family, my mother would often wonder why her younger brother never spoke up about his abuse, thinking that if he could have gotten counseling he'd have avoided molesting his nephew. She swears my Grandparents would've been supportive and I couldn't disagree more. For starters I think my uncle was abused by a priest and was afraid to admit it because my Grandparents were devout Catholics who donated a shit ton of money to the church. My Grandmother was a racist bigot who considered the sex abuse scandal a "misunderstanding" right up until she died last year. People see what they want to see and we believe the narrative we're most comfortable with. When I hear about victims being ostracized from their families it sadly doesn't surprise me.

[RedheadZombie]

I don't doubt that Jim Bob and Michelle thought they were doing the right thing because I don't doubt that they buy into the belief system they espouse.  But their own good intentions doesn't absolve them from how wrong they are.

 

I agree.  I could see Jim Bob and Michelle thinking they did everything right.   Of course, they did most of it terribly wrong, and I'm by no means defending them.  I am getting a little fatigued of reading they did nothing, they pretended it wasn't happening, and they swept it all under the rug.

 

I have a very large extended family.  I hate to even say this, but there are four different molestation cases in my family, and they include both sides.  Two father/daughter, one uncle/niece, and one brother/sister.  All chronic in nature.  I wasn't a victim, and I wasn't directly impacted by any of it.  I also wasn't aware of any of it until after the fact.

 

I found out my cousin had been raped by her brother for years.  Her younger sister told me after the brother committed suicide.  I don't know if the parents knew.  I do know that the victim was my aunt's obvious least favorite.  My cousin showed signs of distress for years.  She was an extreme bed wetter - to the extent that her mattress was deformed.  My aunt said she was lazy, and never replaced the mattress.  My parents did not know about the abuse, but my mom never trusted that male cousin.  She was vigilant about guarding me when he was around, and I remember her discovering us after he had backed me into a corner.  Nothing happened, but I knew instinctively that he was going to harm me.

 

I have a different cousin who was raped long-term by her father.  She lived with her parents even after having a baby, and moved her boyfriend in, too.  She was a bit older than me, and the only strange thing I remember, is her vehemently telling me that her father preferred her hair parted on the side, and she absolutely refused to do so.  My mom tells me now that she did not know, but then I remember she was the one who told me.   These were all people on my dad's side of the family, and since my dad died, we no longer associate with them. 

 

The victim I'm closest to is my cousin's daughter.  He molested her around the age of ten, and without anyone catching him, he voluntarily turned himself in.  Since he came forward, he was not prosecuted, but very stringent rules were put in place.  they were required to have counseling, and he absolutely was not allowed to be home alone with her.  He had a full time job, and he took over his wife's job so she could be home with the kids.  This was considered an appropriate way to handle the situation (about fifteen years ago).  My mom lived in the same town, so she questioned my little cousin every time she saw her, and threatened the father if he should begin abusing her again (my mom was molested by her uncle).  Anyway, the mother met a guy online and abandoned her children.  My mother and aunts did what they could, but (without them knowing) he started molesting her again.  This time a citizen picked up my cousin talking to his girlfriend on a police scanner.  Apparently, the stupid girlfriend (who had her own daughter) knew he was molesting her.  The police stormed the house, kicked in the door, and dragged my little cousin (who was extremely sick) out of the house screaming for her father.  They didn't even let her take her glasses.  The whole thing has been an awful experience.  I became her guardian, and her father is still is prison.

 

My stories (except for the rare exception) are examples of people doing nothing, or not doing enough.  For example, the truth was initially kept from my aunt (the molester's mother) because she had a bad heart.  My poor aunt didn't find out until he was arrested.  She was furious, and insisted that she would have moved to take the children into her custody.  I know my cousin would have signed them over.  There were good intentions there, but the ten year old is the one who bore the consequences.

[wanderwoman]

I am a survivor of sex abuse and rape, though not by a family member. My cousin, however, is. She was raped by our paternal grandfather. He had raped and molested his daughters all throughout their childhood. He sent my dad to a seminary boarding school because my dad was a volatile loose cannon, and had he found out, my grandfather would have had the shit beaten out of him. Well, with my cousin, she was abused for eleven years. She always knew what was going on was horrible, but didn't know how to verbalize it. After seeing an episode on Oprah about child molestation, she tried to speak out. It took four people before someone took her seriously. The fourth person? One of our aunts, who was abused by the same man, and had a "holy shit" reaction. My uncle and aunt didn't press charges; rather, he went through counseling and so did she. He was, by court order, banned from having contact with children. Yet they still brought my cousin around him, and she was still abused by him. Had it been me, my parents would have pressed charges, if my dad hadn't killed him first. Sadly, my cousin is seen as the black sheep of the family, while my aunts and her dad pretend that he was the best dad in the universe and a hero because he fought the Nazis in the Polish Resistance (which is great, don't get me wrong) and very few of my cousins know. My cousin is a complete mess, has attempted suicide multiple times, and has no one but me, my wife, and my parents to lean on. You know, because we don't play pretend that our grandparents were great people, and we listen to her. It's interesting that this came out when it did, because my cousin made a huge post on Facebook outing our grandfather, and I've had my cousins contacting me asking me if it's the truth or not, and I've had to say "yes it is, but really, you need to ask your mom about it. It's not my place to give you the dirty details."

 

Anyway, I'm not a parent, and never will be. However, if I was, and my child molested another one of my children, or any child, I wouldn't hesitate to have charges pressed against that child. Not for one second. I know what it's like to be a child of rape and molestation. If the authorities opted to not press charges or my child didn't want to testify, I'd get the abuser as far away from the victim as possible. While I'd still have love for that child, my duty would be to protect the child who had been molested or raped. To get him/her the care they needed with therapy, and to get them as far from their abuser as possible. I'm not saying I'd put them in foster care, but I would have to find some other person to take care of them, and would pay for some serious, deep, intensive psychiatric therapy for that child as well. And I would make sure that my family knew to keep him away from the younger children in the family, just so he/she wouldn't have another chance to abuse another member of our family. I wouldn't sweep it under the rug, shame the abused, or just play pretend like my family has with my cousin because I know how disastrous that is. What the Duggars did is sickening, and is reminding me of what happened to my cousin, and what is continuing to happen to my cousin where everyone just pretends that it never happened....

My heart breaks for stories like this and people like you. I'm so sorry that the people you were supposed to trust failed to protect you.

I would add that I think the Duggars scenario might be a shade worse than "pretend it never happened". At least, if there was a pretense that it didn't happen, then they wouldn't have been the need for the five year old victim to apologize to the guy in the room down the hall who touched her "Pee holder" before she could even understand the proper part names. There's something especially tragic about that. The victim, who is still a minor and we all know, name or no name who that could be, was too young to call her vagina a vagina... but had to accept an apology, forgive her abuser, and go through an interview that THREE years later still made her cry. How could she forgive what she couldn't understand? I hurt for them all. But, the trust of the victim to hop on a lap for a biblically based story (and she remembered the exact book years later so it did impact her) only to be fondled is disgusting.

[Happyfatchick]

I lifted this from the Rocky Mountain Super Conference (home educator conference where the M/JB Duggs are scheduled to speak in June:

 

Renée Ellison has over 30 years of experience in the field of education. Home educating for nearly 20 years, Renée taught nearly all grade levels, was an elementary principal, head of high school English department, awarded ‘Teacher of the Year’, developed and supervised talented and gifted programs, and conducted teacher training workshops. She delights in using her professional academic background to help others teach and train more effectively at home. Her breakthrough, “Teach Faster” series, involves teaching how to read, grammar facts, and basic math in the shortest time possible.

Somebody (please!) tell me this cracks you up!!! She's one of the featured speakers for the event the M/JB have coming up. In her pic, she has a little kerchief pinned to the back of her head (like the Mennonite women often wear). I clicked to see if she identified as Mennonite and read her bio. Well, of COURSE you were the principal!!! Of COURSE you were head of the English Department! and of COURSE you were TEACHER OF THE YEAR... if you're homeschooling, you can give yourself any award you want! (I personally was the most "Happening Teacher of the Year"!)

I know it's a typo, or an editing problem, but to me, it reads as though she homeschooled "somebody" for 20 yeas and made all these hallmark achievement markers....

[bluebonnet]

As a teacher, the idea that someone created a "Teach Faster" series is horrifying.  I'm scared to see what "teaching how to read, grammar facts, and basic math in the shortest time possible" means.  If this teaching style educates people who will create sentences like that to be used in public profiles rather than informal discussions....shudder.  

[mynextmistake]

I lifted this from the Rocky Mountain Super Conference (home educator conference where the M/JB Duggs are scheduled to speak in June:

Renée Ellison has over 30 years of experience in the field of education. Home educating for nearly 20 years, Renée taught nearly all grade levels, was an elementary principal, head of high school English department, awarded ‘Teacher of the Year’, developed and supervised talented and gifted programs, and conducted teacher training workshops. She delights in using her professional academic background to help others teach and train more effectively at home. Her breakthrough, “Teach Faster” series, involves teaching how to read, grammar facts, and basic math in the shortest time possible.

Somebody (please!) tell me this cracks you up!!! She's one of the featured speakers for the event the M/JB have coming up. In her pic, she has a little kerchief pinned to the back of her head (like the Mennonite women often wear). I clicked to see if she identified as Mennonite and read her bio. Well, of COURSE you were the principal!!! Of COURSE you were head of the English Department! and of COURSE you were TEACHER OF THE YEAR... if you're homeschooling, you can give yourself any award you want! (I personally was the most "Happening Teacher of the Year"!)

I know it's a typo, or an editing problem, but to me, it reads as though she homeschooled "somebody" for 20 yeas and made all these hallmark achievement markers....

Why do you need to teach faster if you homeschool? I know every curriculum has benchmarks that should be met, but I thought one of the benefits of homeschooling was the flexibility of the schedule. Isn't it more appropriate to teach thoroughly and correctly?

I do like the idea of making up my own awards, though. Today, I worked as an award-winning executive chef because I made a meatloaf that my husband said was the best he'd ever had.

Edited May 24, 2015 by mynextmistake

[JenCarroll]

My husband brought me breakfast in bed this morning. I believe that makes me Miss America. ;-)

[Happyfatchick]

I believe you're right!

Are you interested in some sort of "time share"'agreement? (Jk).

Mine went to play golf and won't be home for a nice long while, and I'll take that any day of the week!

Edited May 24, 2015 by Happyfatchick

[Mindymoo]

My heart breaks for stories like this and people like you. I'm so sorry that the people you were supposed to trust failed to protect you.

I would add that I think the Duggars scenario might be a shade worse than "pretend it never happened". At least, if there was a pretense that it didn't happen, then they wouldn't have been the need for the five year old victim to apologize to the guy in the room down the hall who touched her "Pee holder" before she could even understand the proper part names. There's something especially tragic about that. The victim, who is still a minor and we all know, name or no name who that could be, was too young to call her vagina a vagina... but had to accept an apology, forgive her abuser, and go through an interview that THREE years later still made her cry. How could she forgive what she couldn't understand? I hurt for them all. But, the trust of the victim to hop on a lap for a biblically based story (and she remembered the exact book years later so it did impact her) only to be fondled is disgusting.

I just have to be my cousin's rock in these times. I understand the abuse part due to my own history, but she little to no contact with anyone in the rest of the family because they all see her as crazy. I have a really hard time reconciling my feelings for my aunts, too. I love them to pieces, but they never let anyone know that such abuse had happened once there were grandchildren in the picture. So my aunts could protect their kids, but my dad and my uncle couldn't protect me and my cousin because they never said to them "Hey, this will be hard for you to hear, but you might want to keep Tata away from the girls because he's a pedophile." My mom always got creeped out by them so they never babysat me.  My cousin's parents were pretty much absentee for a lot of her childhood, making her a very vulnerable target. And my uncle still goes on and on in Facebook posts about how great his parents were, despite his dad molesting his daughter. My aunts do the same. The whitewashing of the history intensifies my cousin's pain, and makes her feel like she's crazy. She's not crazy, and she's not the black sheep. The black sheep are the ones who knew this was a possibility, did nothing to stop it, and continue to play pretend about their father who was a pedophile, and their mother who knew about it and did nothing to protect her children and grandchildren. And that makes a giant herd of black sheep, if you ask me.

 

And it's funny how I found out. I was fifteen and staying with my aunt and my mom, and the two of them were getting drunk. I told her about my abuse, and then she drunkenly told me the family secret. Yet he hasn't told her own children, all of whom are adults now. Gotta keep up the facade, right?

 

I worry that those Duggar girls never stopped being abused until after Josh got married and left the house for good. I never watched the show, but know enough about these people to kind of want to throw up. Two months of working on a building renovation is not going to cure your pedophilia, and I wouldn't be surprised if he went right back to molesting those poor girls when he got home.

[wanderwoman]

I mentioned this in the Jim Boob and Mullet thread, but the more I think about it, the more I feel compelled to follow through. Someone suggested stalking the Duggars. I'm not on board with that.

I do think the Duggars missed another opportunity to use their fame to shine the light on a very real, sad problem. Just as they missed the boat on showing the realities of patriarchal fundamentalism, prematurity, the tole cancer can take on a family, immunizations, and miscarriage. They've missed the opportunity to discuss molestation and sexual abuse. Instead, they took on abortion. This latest scandal doesn't help the perception that they care more about embryos and other people's uteri than they do about protecting those "precious blessings" after they leave the womb.

Let's be the "generation that stops molestation" and the generation who deals with it and shines the light on the plight of the victim. Let's be the generation to have real conversations with our children and friends about molestation. Instead of stalking the Duggars and railing against Josh, let's, for one minute, light a candle or start a discussion about how to help the victims of sexual abuse. At 5:19pm Pacific Time (5 for the victims, 19 for obvious reasons), I will be putting a candle in my front window to show support for the Duggar girls. I can't be in Arkansas, but if I was, I'd stand in front of the gate with my candle. I will also be making a donation to Stop It Now (stopitnow.org). I'd be honored if anyone wanted to join me.

[BitterApple]

I mentioned this in the Jim Boob and Mullet thread, but the more I think about it, the more I feel compelled to follow through. Someone suggested stalking the Duggars. I'm not on board with that.

I'm not either and I don't think any of us who are regulars here would be okay with that. Writing a letter to TLC is one thing but seeking to hurt them is another. I think people are forgetting that the Duggar family encompasses more than just Boob, Michelle and Josh. At this point I don't give a rat's ass about the Duggars' religious hypocrisy, their views on gay marriage, abortion or whatever. I don't look at this scandal as some sort of justified comeuppance; to me it's just tragic.

[JenCarroll]

I will be joining Wanderwoman in donating to Stop It Now (stopitnow.org).

[bk10]

Sadly, even our navy and CPS sometimes fail victims. I read this story earlier and I just had to share it because it reminded me so much of what some of you have shared about your own families and the Josh situation. Hopefully it's not an issue to share, but I don't mind if it gets deleted.

 

http://drdannyday.kinja.com/woman-stands-by-husband-after-he-confessed-to-raping-he-1704788611- This is the story

 

https://www.change.org/p/texas-department-of-children-and-family-services-gonzales-county-sheriff-glen-a-sachtleben-gonzales-county-attorney-gonzales-county-attorney-paul-watkins-protect-these-foster-children-from-further-abuse-and-neglect-at-the-hands-of-their-adoptive-moth- This is a petition to remove the rest of her kids from her

[BitterApple]

CPS is a nightmare in my state as well. Last year three kids died on their watch and a scandal was uncovered where social workers were falsifying reports and claiming they did home checks when they didn't. Their caseloads are insane, with the current set up its impossible for kids not to fall through the cracks.

[GEML]

There just aren't a lot of good options for unwanted or abused children. There are too many for the state to place in truly kind and safe foster homes, and of course no one wants the state to overreact and remove children when it actually isn't warranted, which means some children will be missed in our attempts to keep a family together. But children would also suffer if we were more aggressive about splitting them up. Over the course of American history we've tried about every option (There's a decent book on the subject called MINDING THE CHILDREN) and every one has pros and cons.

[JenCarroll]

I'd like to hear from Michelle's old neighbor. I'd like to hear, "There was a kid mowing a lawn in a bikini? Never noticed."

I posted this days ago on the Joshanna thread and just discovered that it got 48 likes. So can I just say, I'm so pleased to have been able to bring some of you a little laugh in the midst of all this. Thanks for letting me know, really, that brought me a much needed smile.

Edited May 25, 2015 by JenCarroll

[Foghorn Leghorn]

I posted this days ago on the Joshanna thread and just discovered that it got 48 likes. So can I just say, I'm so pleased to have been able to bring some of you a little laugh in the midst of all this. Thanks for letting me know, really, that brought me a much needed smile.

 

Michelle's a legend in her own mind!!!  LOL