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Small Talk: The Prayer Closet


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Glad to hear Maisie is doing so well!

My brother was hit by a car as a child & completely lost his hearing. He has had a full life- graduated as salutatorian of his class, graduated college, has a hearing wife, has a great job at a college.

I was trying to get a diagnosis when my ds3 was young. I actually cried when he passed his hearing test. Deafness I knew & could deal with, but it was delays due to autism, I later found out. Because of my brothers history I knew ds3 could do well, even if it turned out he had hearing loss.

GEML, you are the most qualified to post on these boards! With a background in midwifery & fundamentalism! Congrats on the books, too!

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We have quite a few excellent posters - I know when to defer! :)

 

Looking forward to reading your book as well. Oh, and 'Snotty Wellfleet' would like to send a few copies to the Duggars too... :>)

Edited by Wellfleet
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I won't reveal my name, but one novel is called THE MIDWIFE'S TALE and one is a THE MINER'S DAUGHTER. Both are set in WV. That should give you enough info to track me down, or you can private message me! Thanks for asking! :)

Awesome. I read that book years ago and loved it.

Also my Gr Grandmother was institutionalized for PPD  and never got out. She died in Columbus State Hospital in Ohio, of cancer in the 1920's

Edited by JennyMominFL
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Wanderwoman - so glad to get good news on continued progress for "our" Lil Miss. Praying that any hearing loss Maisie has will be minor - even, dare I hope, temporary? And that before you know it, you'll be home with your Lil Pudder. Hang in there, honey girl... :>)

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THE MINER'S DAUGHTER isn't wholesome enough for the Duggars. And it was written to be used not only in schools, but I talked with many homeschooling parents to know what they were looking for. I don't censor work (I've mentioned that Midwife is dark and written for adults) but I also don't write for the sake of being edgy and shocking for its own sake. I wanted the book in schools.

Still, the Duggars would probably find it too upsetting. There's a dance if nothing else.

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THE MINER'S DAUGHTER isn't wholesome enough for the Duggars. And it was written to be used not only in schools, but I talked with many homeschooling parents to know what they were looking for. I don't censor work (I've mentioned that Midwife is dark and written for adults) but I also don't write for the sake of being edgy and shocking for its own sake. I wanted the book in schools.

Still, the Duggars would probably find it too upsetting. There's a dance if nothing else.

 

I was thinking of "The Midwife's Tale" - and I'm sure you're right. I very much doubt they'd read it, because I think they read very little if any fiction. But the heathen in me would still like to send it. :>)

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Maisie update: I haven't had time to update because we have been overwhelmed by coordinating care for Miss Maisie. The good news is she's only using supplemental oxygen now. That's one step towards going home. From the information we've been given, she will probably go home with oxygen and need it for several months. She caught a bug a few days ago and it didn't completely sideline her progress, so that was a step forward. We met with the audiologist and he confirmed our fears that she has hearing loss. But, after all of the possible outcomes for a baby her size, and given the setbacks she has had, we are truly grateful that she's as healthy as she is. We can handle hearing loss. They will do further studies next week to see where, from profoundly deaf to slight hearing loss, she falls on the spectrum. I suspect she has some hearing because, before the nightmare transfer, she could hear very well. She reacts to very loud noises, just not as we would. Loud noises seem to interest her. But, her vision seems perfect and her other neurological milestones are being hit as adjusted for her gestational age. She is very smiley and content. She has been making cooing noises and grabs at things in her reach. Now we just have to start prepping for our transition home. They said if there are no major set backs, we might be able to go home in two to three weeks. :)

Tears of joy so glad our Maisie is making such progress.   Our Maisie is happy little girls with her cooing and grabbing at things. As always sending ffhugs kisses and love to you hubby and our baby Maisie

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So happy about Maisie. She sounds wonderful. her hearing loss is not an obstacle (if indeed she has a severe loss) since they now have wonderful cochlear implants (i have one) and in babies they basically return all hearing since their brains adapt so fast. A true miracle I think.

Can't wait till she comes home and I know you are more anxious for that to happen than we are! :-)

GEML I am sure I read the "The Midwife's Tale" but since I can't find it, I am ordering both books you wrote. :-)

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On the Simpsons today:

Cletus' kid: "we don't go to school"

Principal Skinner "but you do live in the district"

Cletus: "that's right. We homeschool em. I teach the big ones & the big ones teach the little ones. But no one ever taught me, which makes the whole thing just an exercise in futility"

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So happy to hear Maisie is doing well!

GEML, I also grew up fundamentalist. Not too strict though because I went to college, masters degree etc. I was a fundamentalist until 14 years ago or so. Then just conservative baptist and now I'm LDS actually.

Very interesting about your books. I'm gonna check them out asap!

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Moved over from Benessa thread:

Anyone ever have the "honor" of seeing or being screamed at by Brother Jed on a college campus? While his poor wife, Sister Cindy, and kids stood there being mocked by the crowd? I graduated college in 1999 and It was always an event when Brother Jed would make a campus appearance for a few days. I can totally see Ben and Jessa dragging a load of kids around college campuses, screaming at heathen college kids just like Brother Jed. If I remember right, Brother Jed's brand of hate was gay centered, but Ben's abortion centered obsession would work too.

Ugh!! Yes, I remember Brother Jed and Sister Cindy. He came to our college campus and sang "It's not Ok to be gay, it's not Ok to be a h*m*" and some such nonsense. He's against homosexuals, lesbians, pill-poppers, and fornicators. He is filled with all kinds of hatred. He's got to be some kind of fundamental fruitcake. There are youtube videos of him spouting off his junk. He also used props to demonstrate his brand of hatred.

Oh my goodness... never heard of him. Sounds like I should be glad I missed it.

Yes, be very glad. :)

He would show up on secular college campuses and purposely engage students in a very confrontational way to draw a crowd and put on his "demonstrations" and challenge students. The songs he sang were very derogatory toward Gays and Lesbians. He would shout at people and yell crap to try and get in a confrontation with them.

ETA: Just watched one of his more recent videos and the LGBT community on campus seems to half mocking/sort of tolerate him and he seems to have mellowed with age somewhat.

Edited by msblossom
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Gosh Misty that was such an inspiring thing to read, so brave to have escaped yourself but it must be so upsetting to see your siblings still there. How many children from these families do you think manage to actually leave the lifestyle? I didn't really know anything about quiver full before finding this forum and can see that the Duggar show watched without knowledge or reflection of what is really being shown does just seem to market itself as "wholesome family fare" etc which seems widely off the mark from what's really happening. How did you get in contact with family to escape or were you pushed out for expressing your own views? Some families just haunt me like RV Rodrigues family someone linked to on here - I'm just staggered people can get away with that lifestyle and promoting it. So depressing.

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I love your analogy about being a daisy and being a rose! Your post was really interesting and I'm looking forward to hearing more from you :)

 

Question: are the Duggar's real Quiverfull?  I ask because they seem to pick and chose at times, Jill had some training to be a midwife and their kids have iPhones and SM accounts.  But at the same time, they are oh so modest, are focused on populating the earth and go on anti-abortion/gay/Muslim rants.  

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Welcome Misty. I'm sorry for the experiences with your family.

My little sis is a lesbian. I remember in kindergarten her fighting with my mom because she did not want to wear a dress to school (it was the 70's & girls still wore dresses every day to school). We all know but she never came out to my parents, even though she had been living with a woman for the past 10 yrs. We are Catholic & mom & dad have a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of policy. Unfortunately my little sister attempted suicide when she was a teen but fortunately didn't go through with it. Of course my parents never discussed it with any of us. Little sis is one of my best friends. I thank God she was born because she's the only one that truly understands what it was like growing up in that nut house (alcoholic dad, cold distant mom- I see a lot of similarities between her & Mechelle unfortunately). . I'm sorry you don't have another sibling to laugh about your family with. Mr Jumbo sort of gets it but not really. She's the person that makes me laugh harder than anyone else.

I look forward to your insights re: quiverful!

Edited by Mrsjumbo
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Wow Misty, I'm sorry for what you've been through.  Bless your aunt and uncle for helping you, they are truly gold.

 

I joke at times that I should call my mother and thank her for just having me, but I need to thank her for not raising me in any particular faith.  We say all the time we are heathens, and it's true.  Religion just effs up everything big time.  

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We had our appointment with the audiologist. Like it was with the birth and prematurity, I feel like we are getting a baptism by fire with hearing loss. I never knew there were so many different types of hearing loss and that there were so many causes. All evidence points to a severe loss in her left ear and a moderate to severe loss in the right. We're told it very likely WAS caused by her transfer seizure and prematurity but, because our only other test was weeks before her transfer, proving liability would be difficult. Her hearing loss is due to sensorineuro issues and, therefore, is permanent. It stems from the nerves in her inner ears and the constriction ,possibly during seizure or from prematurity, of the pathways that lead from the cochlea to the brain's receptors. The positives of the situation, in the moments where I can stop worrying and check my anger, are that: Maisie wasn't born deaf (so hear brain HAS experienced unhampered hearing), Maisie has some residual hearing ("severe" isn't the worst level, ironically), and she's been diagnosed very young. All of those will make her a cochlear candidate at some point. I feel so sad for her, though. What would it be like to never hear certain sounds? Birds? Water running in a creek? Her own voice or our voice? It's also scary. How will she hear a car coming down the street or a fire alarm? I know there are solutions for these things- I'm not completely naive- but, I never had a stake in the outcome.

We will do whatever we need to do and Maisie will be a happy, healthy, successful kid because I don't think my husband or I would settle for less for her. Still, I can't help but worry.

Other news: Maisie is breathing very well. She's settled into nursing FINALLY! She's still getting a small supplement bottle with a calorie booster, but they removed her ng tube. She's so much happier. We are making progress toward home.

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We had our appointment with the audiologist. Like it was with the birth and prematurity, I feel like we are getting a baptism by fire with hearing loss. I never knew there were so many different types of hearing loss and that there were so many causes. All evidence points to a severe loss in her left ear and a moderate to severe loss in the right. We're told it very likely WAS caused by her transfer seizure and prematurity but, because our only other test was weeks before her transfer, proving liability would be difficult. Her hearing loss is due to sensorineuro issues and, therefore, is permanent. It stems from the nerves in her inner ears and the constriction ,possibly during seizure or from prematurity, of the pathways that lead from the cochlea to the brain's receptors. The positives of the situation, in the moments where I can stop worrying and check my anger, are that: Maisie wasn't born deaf (so hear brain HAS experienced unhampered hearing), Maisie has some residual hearing ("severe" isn't the worst level, ironically), and she's been diagnosed very young. All of those will make her a cochlear candidate at some point. I feel so sad for her, though. What would it be like to never hear certain sounds? Birds? Water running in a creek? Her own voice or our voice? It's also scary. How will she hear a car coming down the street or a fire alarm? I know there are solutions for these things- I'm not completely naive- but, I never had a stake in the outcome.

We will do whatever we need to do and Maisie will be a happy, healthy, successful kid because I don't think my husband or I would settle for less for her. Still, I can't help but worry.

Other news: Maisie is breathing very well. She's settled into nursing FINALLY! She's still getting a small supplement bottle with a calorie booster, but they removed her ng tube. She's so much happier. We are making progress toward home.

My sweet Wanderwoman  with you at the wheel Maisie is in for a lifetime of happiness and love don't fret Our Maisie is a fighter like a her mamma. As always i am sending ffhugs love and kisses. 

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Wow Misty, I'm sorry for what you've been through.  Bless your aunt and uncle for helping you, they are truly gold.

 

I joke at times that I should call my mother and thank her for just having me, but I need to thank her for not raising me in any particular faith.  We say all the time we are heathens, and it's true.  Religion just effs up everything big time.  

 

As a student of history, I couldn't agree more. Spirituality is terrific, and we can all use more of that in our lives. But organized religion has been directly responsible for a great deal of the avoidable deaths, destruction and miserable unhappiness in the world for centuries. It's time to do away with the "organized" part, and emphasize the spirituality.

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My sweet Wanderwoman  with you at the wheel Maisie is in for a lifetime of happiness and love don't fret Our Maisie is a fighter like a her mamma. As always i am sending ffhugs love and kisses. 

 

So sad about to hear about Maisie's hearing loss, but it's also dawning on me - duh! - that Maisie is not the only girl in this family who is FIerce. Give 'em hell, Momma! 

 

PS - so glad Maisie's in line for a cochlear implant. I worked very closely with a student at my college for four years who had one and she was the loveliest girl. Bright, well-adjusted, sweet and one of the best workers I ever had. NOT having to hear all the office 'white noise' around us was a huge advantage for her. We joked about it because sometimes I could see her "turning off" her implant - we called it switching to "quiet mode." I told her I was jealous of her ability to do that . She could even plug her iPod into her implant and listen to music if she wanted.

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I realize the implants can be controversial, but Maisie is an almost ideal candidate for them, and she will hear the world in her own way. My husband is a brilliant and successful man, but he doesn't see color the way most of us do (it's not color blindness, but simply a different way of seeing color) but never knew this for nearly two decades. None of us, truly, know how others perceive the world or what is "normal." Maisie's "normal" will be normal to her. She's a fighter, and it's clear to every person on this board where she gets it!!

Edited by GEML
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I realize the implants can be controversial, but Maisie is an almost ideal candidate for them, and she will hear the world in her own way. My husband is a brilliant and successful man, but he doesn't see color the way most of us do (it's not color blindness, but simply a different way of seeing color) but never knew this for nearly two decades. None of us, truly, know how others perceive the world or what is "normal." Maisie's "normal" will be normal to her. She's a fighter, and it's clear to every person on this board where she gets it!!

I had no idea how much controversy there was until this week. As part of the "informed consent" process, we will have to meet with a rep from pro and con sides. I made the mistake of saying, "what could a con possibly be?" A preemie supporting group parent has deaf parents and it's apparently a very big controversy because of deaf culture. I told him how I am grateful that Maisie's only long term issue seems to be deafness, but that I still feel conflicted about how she ended up with the disability. He got really judgemental and told me that "deaf culture" shouldn't be viewed as a disability. WTF? As DH said, "here we go... into the fire". Maisie would have to be nine months, adjusted age, to even begin the cochlear process and we want to make sure her other body systems can handle the surgery, so we have homework to do.

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It's so good to hear that Maisie is thriving again! I'm sorry about her hearing loss but I'm sure that you and your husband will make the best possible decisions for her future (whatever those decisions may be).  Cochlear implants are a fantastic piece of technology, if that is the road that you take.  I hope that you are able to bring her home soon!

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Whew! That's a lot to take in and adjust to, Wanderwoman. I'm so sorry for all that Maisie, you and your husband have been through as a result of the insurance company initiating the unnecessary hospital transfer that caused the seizure and hearing loss. I wish you well as you navigate through the process of getting the best implant that's right for Maisie. It's good to hear that Maisie continues to make great progress and that you can take her home soon.

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I am not religious but for what it's worth, bless you, wanderwoman, and thank you for sharing your lives with us.

 

And also thanks for your comments on the love locks thing on the Jessa/Ben Board. I could not agree more.

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wanderwoman, the deaf culture is a strange one. I survived it as I like to say. They want the deaf kids not to have implants, they will tolerate hearing aids, (even tho cochlear implants restore hearing back to almost normal. And said child must learn ASL. (American Sign Language) and attend the deaf school. As in, live there.

What? To me that is teaching them to be disabled. I am anti-deaf culture. I grew up in it but boy does your world shrink. Why would I choose not to be able to communicate with hearing people? I do not associate with deaf people in the deaf culture anymore because many of them are hostile to those who enjoy sound. It is slowly changing thank goodness.

Edited by Jellybeans
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As I already mentioned, my brother lost his hearing at 5 after an accident. He was sent away to deaf school (my parents had little options in the 70's), so it was kind of weird- we had a brother but only saw him on weekends.

He learned ASL but they very much encouraged lip reading. So much so that they discouraged our family from learning ASL. His wife is probably horrified that none of us have ever learned it, but when we see him (only every couple of years) we communicate just fine. He has always been independent & has gone off to concerts, ordering fast food, gone on vacations by himself.

I feel sorry that he is caught between a hearing & deaf world. He had already developed speech before he lost his hearing, so he doesn't "sound" as deaf when he talks. He has a hearing wife. Yet he is employed by a deaf school, so I'm sure he is around the hostile part of the deaf culture too.

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Misty-I am so sorry you had to endure the childhood you did and am so happy that you were rescued by an obviously loving aunt and uncle. I am equally happy that you have found happiness with someone you love. I am sure we will all welcome your thoughts on the land of fundy lifestyle.

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wanderwoman- I hear birds, water running, sirens, babies crying and many cochlear users hear better than hearing people. she will not need your protection as far as sound goes. She'll hear better than you. I kid you not. I hear SNORING. :-(

And now there are implants Maisie can wear for swimming. :)

There is also implantable hearing aids with the microphone in the ear canal.. I really want one in my other ear. Unfortunately it is not covered by Medicaid. The benefit to that one there is no equipment to wear.

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I had no idea how much controversy there was until this week. As part of the "informed consent" process, we will have to meet with a rep from pro and con sides. I made the mistake of saying, "what could a con possibly be?" A preemie supporting group parent has deaf parents and it's apparently a very big controversy because of deaf culture. I told him how I am grateful that Maisie's only long term issue seems to be deafness, but that I still feel conflicted about how she ended up with the disability. He got really judgemental and told me that "deaf culture" shouldn't be viewed as a disability. WTF? As DH said, "here we go... into the fire". Maisie would have to be nine months, adjusted age, to even begin the cochlear process and we want to make sure her other body systems can handle the surgery, so we have homework to do.

Wow, WW, I'm so proud to hear she's doing so well. YAY for her taking to nursing! That's fantastic! I feel your confusion about the negative (or the "con" side). Isn't that amazing how you can get hopeful good news and be totally blindsided by someone on the opposite side of the fence? I know me, I wouldn't have responded well. You have a little tiny baby's whole life stretched in front of you. Of COURSE you want to grasp at doing everything you can to make sure she gets what she needs. Good grief! Is there a blind community hate group for those of us with working eyes too??? I'm sorry about all of this - but the other posters are right. She's a fighter because you're a fighter. What was it they used to say on In Living Color - "two snaps up in a circle" or something crazy (my kids used to walk around saying that and doing the motions all the time). The mods might burn it down, but would more likely allow pics in the Prayer Closet. I bet everybody would like to "meet" her. Glad you're all doing so well.

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The mods might burn it down, but would more likely allow pics in the Prayer Closet. I bet everybody would like to "meet" her. Glad you're all doing so well.

Posting pictures is allowed. BUT...and this is a big but....this a public forum. Posting private pictures like that is more likely a privacy issue and I would certainly discourage it. Yes, we allow pictures of the Duggars and their children, but that's because they are permitting the public posting. They made that choice for their children. But I can completely understand why our members here might be a little more wary about it.

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Not sure if this is the correct thread for this topic, but I was watching an episode of the Pioneer Woman and Bree was preparing dinner for her daughter's 'home schooling co-op'.  Apparently they meet monthly at each others'  houses for dinner and then watch a Shakespeare movie, as part of their curriculum.  The daughter is high school age.  There are many of these home school groups that get together and share resources for the benefit of their children.  Too bad the Duggars are stuck with their limited curriculum.  Even as much as they have traveled, I don't think those kids have a clue.

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There are some really great homeschooling coop programs out there. My son actually participated in two of them as a theatre student (long story, as he was most definitely public school educated) but one allowed students to attend high school theatre shows as a critic and write reviews of them (he saw more than 50 plays and musicals this way) and another was part of a theatre sports/improv group that he helped coordinate.

Believe me, between those two groups, you aren't sheltered from the world.

Edited by GEML
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Yes, I've been wondering about that too. Is Big Sandy a conference for homeschoolers in general or is it specifically tied to ATI and Gothard? I have a hard time believing that the Duggars would let their children roam freely among secular home-schoolers so I'm assuming there is a Christian flavour to the conference, but is it ATI only or are other denominations welcome?

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Posting pictures is allowed. BUT...and this is a big but....this a public forum. Posting private pictures like that is more likely a privacy issue and I would certainly discourage it. Yes, we allow pictures of the Duggars and their children, but that's because they are permitting the public posting. They made that choice for their children. But I can completely understand why our members here might be a little more wary about it.

You are so right. I forget sometimes.

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Yes, I've been wondering about that too. Is Big Sandy a conference for homeschoolers in general or is it specifically tied to ATI and Gothard? I have a hard time believing that the Duggars would let their children roam freely among secular home-schoolers so I'm assuming there is a Christian flavour to the conference, but is it ATI only or are other denominations welcome?

Jessa responded to someone in the comments of an IG post, claiming that now the conference isn't just for homeschoolers anymore. That said, you still have to enroll for it through IBLP/ATI, so yes, it's Gothard-affiliated. Even if there are kids there who attend Christian schools or even *gasp* public schools, their families are still steeped in Gothardism and maybe just waiting for the perfect time to pull their kids out. 

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