S04.E16: Gas Pump, House Dump and Stew Volcano

[Pallas]

Becky and Darlene search for a house within their price-range, while Jackie reconsiders her career-path.

[ESS]

I can’t wait for this one! ❤️ Louise is back once again yay! I’ve missed her. 

[ams1001]

"40-year-old step-grownups"

Louise's summation of the Conners' approach to finances is spot-on.

 

[Shermie]

These people continue to be stupid.

Solution to Lunch Box bringing in more customers - offer a more varied menu. I mean, stew is okay, I guess, once in a while on a cold winter day. But as the only menu item? Ridiculous premise. Even a soup-only restaurant would be better.

Solution to the house situation - why not have Dan and Louise move into the funeral home house? Her more traditional furniture would probably be a better fit in a classic Victorian, and she doesn’t have to live with a thousand ugly tchotchkes and design choices from her husband’s dead wife. Becky and Darlene could stay in the family home. It would be easy to keep Dan in the show by having him come “home” regularly to fix things or just because he’d be naturally drawn to it. It would also make it easier to explain any of Louise’s (Katey Sagal’s) absences since she could just be “working on the house” or something.

At least Harris was a good sport participating in the crazy ads. They are so typical of small town local tv ads - terrible, but amusing.

[SoMuchTV]

Noooo!! They’re going to tear down the Victorian with the stained glass and the original oak floors?  That was not the resolution I was hoping for!

By the way, what happened to Louise’s condo(?). Wouldn’t that be something that was available for rent or sale?

[Annber03]

"You put them in the oven, you turn the oven on high. How hard can it be, I do this all day long!" 

OMG.

Can't say I blame Darlene and Becky for being a little weirded out by living in a former funeral home, though - when they opened the elevator and found that coffin inside I actually went, "Yeeeeeah, no." :p. But it is a good deal, and I like Louise's idea to help deal with the weirdness of it all. Constructing a new home takes some time, though, so it'll still be a bit yet before they can move in. Guessing that might happen in the season finale?

Ben and Jackie trying to work on that commercial was fun, as was Harris' reactions to everything Jackie was doing :D. I like his offer to help her better manage and organize things at the restaurant. 

[Starchild]

Dan is not a healthy man. And if he's the same age as the actor playing him, he's 69 years old. This is not a good plan.

[Snow Apple]

Oh good, another bad financial decision. Instead of doing some remodel, they are taking out a loan to tear down the entire house and build a new one from the ground up. How much will material, permits, labor, etc. cost? Don't tell me Dan can tear down and build a house all by himself, so they will need to hire workers.

Where's Mark? He hasn't been there for the last three episodes.

[SoMuchTV]

5 minutes ago, Snow Apple said:

Oh good, another bad financial decision. Instead of doing some remodel, they are taking out a loan to tear down the entire house and build a new one from the ground up. How much will material, permits, labor, etc. cost? Don't tell me Dan can tear down and build a house all by himself, so they will need to hire workers.

Maybe they’ll find they can sell some of the vintage materials at a huge premium… no, that would be too positive an outcome. 

[iMonrey]

Wait . . . what? Patton Oswald can rent the house to them for the same amount the mortgage is, but he can't just assign an existing mortgage to someone else. He has to sell them the house, pay his mortgage off, and the buyer has to get their own mortgage. Even so - that mortgage is based on that house. Size, age, number of rooms, conditions, etc. etc. They can't just tear it down and build a new house. They'd be paying a mortgage on a house that doesn't exist anymore on top of the loan to build the new house.

And Dan is supposed to build an entire house? By himself? Assuming he doesn't die first, how long would it take for one person to build an entire house? Even with the family helping here and there?

Wow. I thought the writing couldn't get any dumber.

[Colorado David]

so the premise is bad memories need to be avoided, but build in the exact same spot. i'm sorry, are the memories attached to furniture, or walls, or books? if anything, in my mind memories are tied to the location, NOT the physical materials that are on it for a period of time.  Just remodel the thing completely - much cheaper and pretend those memories are gotten rid of when the old crap is taken out.

writing is taking a big nosedive, and the jackie plots are becoming complete buffoonery.  i think i'll check reviews here now before even bothering to tune in the first time.

[ams1001]

7 minutes ago, iMonrey said:

Wait . . . what? Patton Oswald can rent the house to them for the same amount the mortgage is, but he can't just assign an existing mortgage to someone else. He has to sell them the house, pay his mortgage off, and the buyer has to get their own mortgage. Even so - that mortgage is based on that house. Size, age, number of rooms, conditions, etc. etc. They can't just tear it down and build a new house. They'd be paying a mortgage on a house that doesn't exist anymore on top of the loan to build the new house.

I wasn't clear on how the whole house sale/transfer was supposed to work. He said something about them taking over the mortgage, not just paying him rent that he would then use to pay his mortgage. They would need the bank's approval for that, would they not? And I have a hard time believing a house that size (every funeral home I've been in would be considered pretty big for a single family home, and this one appeared to be no exception) would only be $500 a month (even considering the aversion many people would have to living in a former funeral home). That's less than my mortgage on a <850 sq. ft. condo (which is part of an affordable housing program so it's not even at market value). Granted, I live in one of the top five most expensive states, and they're in a depressed town, but it's still within commuting distance of a major city (Dan said it's an hour from Chicago; takes me longer than that to get to NYC and plenty of people here commute).

I didn't particularly like Louise volunteering Dan to build them a new house, since judging by his reaction she clearly didn't discuss it with him first.

[UYI]

Patton Oswalt is hilarious, so I liked seeing him again, but his wife died very unexpectedly in 2016, when their daughter was seven years old (she basically just went to sleep and never woke up), so the scene in the room for kids whose parents have died struck an odd note for me. Maybe he was okay with it, but knowing that made it feel strange, IMO.

I also thought that the idea of having Dan at his age rebuilding a house at his age was a...questionable idea, to put it kindly, even though I understand not wanting to live in a house that used to be a funeral home. I mean, just remodel and redecorate! You're not going to keep any coffins behind or anything like that.

I wish Wacky Jackie would go away and never come back, but the green screen Lunchbox ad in the tag was over the top in a good way, so all is forgiven by me! 

[ams1001]

3 minutes ago, UYI said:

Patton Oswalt is hilarious, so I liked seeing him again, but his wife died very unexpectedly in 2016, when their daughter was seven years old (she basically just went to sleep and never woke up), so the scene in the room for kids whose parents have died struck an odd note for me. Maybe he was okay with it, but knowing that made it feel strange, IMO.

Maybe it was his idea... (I've never heard of that at a funeral home; then again there haven't been little kids at the last several funerals I've been to...there was a dog at the last one, though).

[OhSarah69]

I look forward to this show every week.  Even when it’s bad.  And honey, sometimes it’s really bad....

I still do not buy that Darlene has enough money to buy a home/pay a mortgage.  It wasn’t so long ago she could barely scrape together money to buy Mark a laptop.  I’m willing to suspend my disbelief a bit (because otherwise I’d spend the time staring at the wall every Wednesday at 9pm instead of watching the show) as to the financial aspect of this storyline (the way I must suspend my disbelief when I watch When Calls the Heart, where women supposedly living in the early 20th century walk around town in full makeup with their hair down in beachy waves - but I digress).  And I like the idea of Becky and Darlene teaming up to buy a house.

But - as much as I love Patton Oswalt and happy to see him on the show - I HATE the idea of the girls buying a former funeral home.  Just no.  Seriously, you’ve waited this long, give it a few more months and see if any “normal” houses come on the market that you can afford. Who needs that bad hoodoo???  Stained glass and beautiful wood floors wouldn’t be enough to make me forget what it used to be - even if you renovate the crap out of it.  And no Louise, having your barely-hangin-in-there husband in his late 60s try to build a house is not a good idea.   If he were just sort of consulting/advising the girls, given his construction experience, that would be fine. But as other folks above have mentioned, he cannot “build” a house on his own.  A house isn’t a Lego set.  And Louise and the family are going to  “help”, are they now.  Um, how exactly?  Do they all have secret construction skills we don’t know about?  

The dialogue and storylines are so uneven...most of the actors have such a weird way of delivering their lines...I don’t get it.  I still want to watch though because I loved the original show from way back.  And I so miss the old original Jackie.  This Jackie is a complete wackadoo. And not in a good way.

[Bastet]

So now Harris is moving in with Aldo again, like that's any less stupid now than it was however many episodes ago?

And Becky is all in for living with Darlene, when she'd previously confessed she wanted to stay put?  I know no one on TV ever actually moves out, so they're just kicking the can down the road with this tear-down storyline, but a modicum of continuity and/or common sense would be nice.

I just can't with superstitions about dead bodies having once been present someplace, so I like that they gave Becky and Darlene a different reason for being uncomfortable with the house, but whatever the hang-up, if you are indeed hung up, pick another house and let someone who can properly fix this one up do so; tearing it down is so damn wasteful.

And then we get into the logistics of Dan doing it, and the stupidity of how the finances were presented ... good grief.  That was just an all-around stupid idea from Louise.

"Don't try to convince me a crypt is a tiny home" was funny, though.

As was "I think I can't see what you're seeing until I take whatever you're taking".

[jewel21]

2 hours ago, SoMuchTV said:

Noooo!! They’re going to tear down the Victorian with the stained glass and the original oak floors?  That was not the resolution I was hoping for!

By the way, what happened to Louise’s condo(?). Wouldn’t that be something that was available for rent or sale?

I thought the exact same thing. How on earth could you just tear down a house built in the 20s like that? Such a travesty. 

[OhSarah69]

13 minutes ago, Bastet said:

So now Harris is moving in with Aldo again, like that's any less stupid now than it was however many episodes ago?

And Becky is all in for living with Darlene, when she'd previously confessed she wanted to stay put?  I know no one on TV ever actually moves out, so they're just kicking the can down the road with this tear-down storyline, but a modicum of continuity and/or common sense would be nice.

I just can't with superstitions about dead bodies having once been present someplace, so I like that they gave Becky and Darlene a different reason for being uncomfortable with the house, but whatever the hang-up, if you are indeed hung up, pick another house and let someone who can properly fix this one up do so; tearing it down is so damn wasteful.

And then we get into the logistics of Dan doing it, and the stupidity of how the finances were presented ... good grief.  That was just an all-around stupid idea from Louise.

"Don't try to convince me a crypt is a tiny home" was funny, though.

As was "I think I can't see what you're seeing until I take whatever you're taking".

Yeah, continuity isn’t a strong suit of this show.  I don’t understand why Patton Oswalt doesn’t just sell his business to another funeral home company?  Isn’t that easier and less wasteful? I agree it’s a shame to tear down a perfectly good building.  I don’t really get that Becky & Darlene were “hung-up”, but surely it’s a bit weird to go house-hunting somewhere that is, I would posit, a bit unusual.  Also that funeral home did not look home-like to me - like I wouldn’t walk in and think, hmm, I could really cozy this up.  Nothing to do with hang-ups about the building and its previous occupants...we held a rollicking reception for friends in the basement event room at the Funeral home for my late dad.  A few people were freaked out at first, but it was a lovely bright room and it turns out that lots of families used it.  I still would not in a million years move into it though and I’m not superstitious about anything except for using a specific coffee mug on Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays (is that weird? 😂 ).  Different strokes for different folks, for sure.

[izabella]

45 minutes ago, Bastet said:

I just can't with superstitions about dead bodies having once been present someplace, so I like that they gave Becky and Darlene a different reason for being uncomfortable with the house, but whatever the hang-up, if you are indeed hung up, pick another house and let someone who can properly fix this one up do so; tearing it down is so damn wasteful.

I agree.  Plus, tearing down is expensive.  You need heavy equipment, and skill to avoid blowing up the neighborhood by knocking out a gas line.  And then you also need to pay to haul every bit of it away.  In a large funeral home, that's going to be a lot of debris.  Louise did not include that in her messed up financial plan.

[Bastet]

4 minutes ago, OhSarah69 said:

I don’t really get that Becky & Darlene were “hung-up”,

They thought the house had been the setting for too much sadness and grief to live in.  People feel how they feel.  But that's a reason to choose another home, not to tear one down, especially one with the craftsmanship of that era and so many remaining original features.  Someone into that style could really go to town, preserving what should be saved while doing the necessary functional upgrades.

The seller said he was having a hard time finding a buyer, and I believe it since there are enough people who won't even buy a home that overlooks a cemetery so that such location reduces property value (I'd love it - quiet neighbors!), but those places always do sell, to someone who loves the value and doesn't share the superstition.  I understand his motivation.  I understand Darlene's, even though I don't share it.  I just don't like the wastefulness of her "buying" (because I don't even know what the hell they were even trying to posit as the transaction given how muddled it was) it and destroying it.  That house is not at all my style, but it's not a tear-down! 

I can only hope Dan removes things responsibly rather than going sledgehammer happy, if for no other reason than to sell some fixtures.  But it's still grossly unnecessary waste.

[ESS]

I loved this episode. Man did I miss Louise (and Dan & Louise together) so glad she was practically in this whole episode. ♥️

First off I was very surprised when it was mentioned that both Darlene and Becky were moving out honestly I never thought they would. I don't blame them for not wanting to live in a funeral home it's pretty creepy in itself, but that aside the house was pretty nice despite that. I loved it when the Don came over the house and Louise chimed in that she was Dan's wife and taking care of him by making him eat healthy (I know it wasn't in exactly those words, but I still loved the whole scene) 

Aww Louise read Beverly Rose the story of Charlotte's Web (with her own little spin on it) now that's the only thing I was disappointed with in the episode - that we didn't get to see the scene of them together, but at least it was implied, but still it would have nice to see the play out on screen. 

I liked that Ben offered to help Jackie out with the lunchbox and update her computers for her so it would make her job at the lunchbox a little easier and also be her sounding board too if she needed it. As someone else mentioned Becky has every right to have her own life and go back to school and all, but I felt for Jackie being overwhelmed, but hopefully she won't have to sell the lunchbox and it'll all work out.

I loved Louise's idea about Dan building Becky and Darlene a new house for them on that property, but I also saw Dan's side of it too, why couldn't they just redo it with paint and stuff? but then again it'd still be a funeral home type of house...so I don't know. I admit there's probably going be some issues with Louise's solution, Don might not go along with their plan, but I hope they can all come to a compromise that works out and of course the other issue is probably going to be Dan having to do the building all himself, but I hope not as Louise and some of Dan's friends and maybe even some of his construction guys can hopefully help him. I really want this storyline to work out for everyone - including Dan & Louise so they can finally have the house to themselves and celebrate being newlyweds for real - alone. 

 

[greekmom]

It was a stupid episode.

If the writers can write this why cant they just write Patton Oswaltt as a quirky neighbour who's was selling the house beside the Connor home?!?

Darlene and Becky buy it, they live right beside Dan and poof. Problem solved.

I know John G. is in his late 60s but he does look frail to me.  Dan cannot built a birdhouse let alone an actual house.

[bad things are bad]

Dan...building an ENTIRE HOUSE...by himself?

Nope. Stupidest plot concept ever. Dan has health issues,  but even if he didn't,  you lose some capabilities and stamina in your 60s (I'm 66, I know) 

Please tone Jackie down a skosh.

And did they learn nothing from Phoebe's mother changing sad endings?

[ams1001]

9 hours ago, OhSarah69 said:

And I like the idea of Becky and Darlene teaming up to buy a house.

Are they really teaming up? It seems like the mortgage is going to be in Darlene's name only, and Becky seems to be angling to live rent-free if at all possible. (Maybe she was kidding when she said that, but this is The Conners...)

8 hours ago, OhSarah69 said:

Also that funeral home did not look home-like to me - like I wouldn’t walk in and think, hmm, I could really cozy this up.

Every funeral home I've been in has just a few large rooms. The one my family has used most often has a large lobby/entrance with two sitting areas with couches and coffee tables, with a large viewing room on either end so they can do up to two funerals at the same time. If you were going to renovate it to be a family home you'd probably have to put up some more walls. The other spaces I've seen are the front office, which is too small for a bedroom, and the restrooms (which have two or three stalls). There's no actual kitchen as far as I can tell (other than I assume some kind of break room where they can make coffee and whatnot), unless it's in the basement. I assume there is a room somewhere where they prepare bodies...what would you do with that space if you were planning to live there?

Edited March 24, 2022 by ams1001

[Colorado David]

11 minutes ago, ams1001 said:

 

Every funeral home I've been in has just a few large rooms. The one my family has used most often has a large lobby/entrance with two sitting areas with couches and coffee tables, with a large viewing room on either end so they can do up to two funerals at the same time. If you were going to renovate it to be a family home you'd probably have to put up some more walls. The other spaces I've seen are the front office, which is too small for a bedroom, and the restrooms (which have two or three stalls). I assume there is a room somewhere where they prepare bodies...what would you do with that space if you were planning to live there?

I assumed the prep room would just be a large area in the basement, so you'd use it like you would any other basement. Remember, Patton said he's taking all the stuff out - that would include any prep room equipment. On the plus side, the basement would be piped for water supply, so you could even add a bathroom down there if you wanted. (Watching 6 Feet Under makes you understand funeral homes a lot better, tho granted theirs was HUGE.)

Interesting the different takes people have on spiritual attachments to funeral homes, and it giving them pause for living there. Do you feel that way in hospitals? I know you don't live there, but I don't get a downer sense around them, nor do I funeral homes - they are to HELP families in their grieving times.

 

[Chaos Theory]

For me if you are that desperate for a cheap place to live and one falls in your lap like that then I would find a way to make it “less creepy”.  Heck if I was Darlene  I would be looking for houses where murders took place or dead bodies were found because they would be cheaper anyway,     It would be a good running joke that really nice places that Darlene and Becky look at that are waaaay above their price range and what they are and aren’t willing to look past.   But it seems Darlene wants apartment serf and turf while paying food pantry prices.

 

 And I think that has always been the Connors and most notably Darlene major problem. 

Edited March 24, 2022 by Chaos Theory

[ams1001]

9 minutes ago, Colorado David said:

Interesting the different takes people have on spiritual attachments to funeral homes, and it giving them pause for living there. Do you feel that way in hospitals? I know you don't live there, but I don't get a downer sense around them, nor do I funeral homes - they are to HELP families in their grieving times.

I think part of the issue I might have with this particular place is that it's a big old Victorian, and they can be a little spooky regardless, especially since the inside seems kind of dark. It would definitely need to renovated and brightened up before I'd want to live in it. I'm not a religious/spiritual person or anything like that, so to me it's really just a house. But at least from what we saw (except for the kids' room which looked like a preschool classroom) it seemed kind of drab and depressing. Even if they did decided to live there instead of building a new place on the property, it would still need a lot of work to make it a comfortable home (for me, at least).

(And I agree with someone above who pointed out what a waste it would be to tear down a house that appears, structurally at least, to be in good condition.)

[Rocknrollzombie]

Didn’t see the episode nor will I but just judging by some comments on here and from what a friend told me the episode was dumb all around and some others will find some way of saying it’s great (Reddit Conner fans).

Horror movies taught me Victorian houses can not be trusted, I wouldn’t live in one. I would be to paranoid.

 

the idea of living in a place where people were prepared to be put six feet under is just unnerving, honestly surprised that they didn’t make some reference to Roseanne.

I agree with users who have mentioned Dan building a house by himself at his age is just insanity. My dad who is 67 doesn’t do any important aspects of construction anymore. My brother sometimes takes him to jobs to just overlook the other workers and make sure they are doing their job. Plus his own health issues had made him stop working so I’m the main income rn.

do the kids and Louise even stopped and think the strain building a house can put on Dan.

Edited March 24, 2022 by Rocknrollzombie

[doobiedo]

2 hours ago, greekmom said:

It was a stupid episode.

If the writers can write this why cant they just write Patton Oswaltt as a quirky neighbour who's was selling the house beside the Connor home?!?

Darlene and Becky buy it, they live right beside Dan and poof. Problem solved.

I know John G. is in his late 60s but he does look frail to me.  Dan cannot built a birdhouse let alone an actual house.

Surprisingly John Goodman looks much more vital in his Righteous Gemstones role so I wonder if his frail look here is intentional

[ams1001]

Another thought...they don't seem to be considering how much it's going to cost to heat this place in the winter and other maintenance. Big old houses don't tend to be the most energy efficient. That savings on mortgage payments is probably going to be more than made up for with the cost of heating and other upkeep. And for what, four people to live there? (One of whom, with any luck, will be gone in a few years, if his college ambitions manage to work out.)

11 minutes ago, doobiedo said:

Surprisingly John Goodman looks much more vital in his Righteous Gemstones role so I wonder if his frail look here is intentional

I would guess so. Dan's a lower-income, older man who's worked a physically-wearing type of job for most of his life, and he drinks a lot and doesn't exactly focus on living a healthy lifestyle. It would seem a bit incongruous for him to appear to be the picture of health. John Goodman seemed much healthier than his character last I saw him in an interview (which, granted, was probably a year or two ago, at least).

Edited March 24, 2022 by ams1001

[Lovecat]

13 hours ago, Shermie said:

Solution to the house situation - why not have Dan and Louise move into the funeral home house? Her more traditional furniture would probably be a better fit in a classic Victorian, and she doesn’t have to live with a thousand ugly tchotchkes and design choices from her husband’s dead wife. Becky and Darlene could stay in the family home. It would be easy to keep Dan in the show by having him come “home” regularly to fix things or just because he’d be naturally drawn to it. It would also make it easier to explain any of Louise’s (Katey Sagal’s) absences since she could just be “working on the house” or something.

That's exactly where I thought they were going...and then they didn't.  C'mon, Show!  To quote Jimmy Duggan in A League of their Own:  Use your head!  That's that lump 3 feet above your ass.

13 hours ago, SoMuchTV said:

Noooo!! They’re going to tear down the Victorian with the stained glass and the original oak floors?  That was not the resolution I was hoping for!

By the way, what happened to Louise’s condo(?). Wouldn’t that be something that was available for rent or sale?

I literally gasped and clutched at the neckline of my shirt (I wasn't wearing my pearls).  I hope there's a Lanford Preservation Society whose members chain themselves to the porch or something, because tearing that place down would be a damn shame.

13 hours ago, Starchild said:

Dan is not a healthy man. And if he's the same age as the actor playing him, he's 69 years old. This is not a good plan.

To put it mildly.

 

[iMonrey]

Quote

I wasn't clear on how the whole house sale/transfer was supposed to work. He said something about them taking over the mortgage, not just paying him rent that he would then use to pay his mortgage. They would need the bank's approval for that, would they not? And I have a hard time believing a house that size (every funeral home I've been in would be considered pretty big for a single family home, and this one appeared to be no exception) would only be $500 a month (even considering the aversion many people would have to living in a former funeral home). 

Realistically the mortgage company doesn't care who writes the check as long as they get it every month. But Don (Patton Oswalt) would still be the legal owner of the house. There's a long list of red tape everyone would have to cut through in order for Darlene to legally put the same mortgage into her own name assuming that's even possible. And even if it is, she'd be paying off that mortgage for how long? 10 years? 20? And also paying off the loan she intends to take out to build a new house. That makes no sense whatsoever. She couldn't afford the first house because she couldn't get a bigger loan. Now she's going to take that loan and pay a mortgage on a house that doesn't exist anymore on top of that? There's also property taxes and insurance to consider. 

As for $500 a month seeming low, it depends on how much the downpayment was in the first place. Or the house might have been paid off at one point and he took out a second mortgage for a certain amount.

[Chaos Theory]

I am not saying this has to be reality and yeah the idea of living in a mortuary is kinda creepy but it might have been a fun gag in the nature of “Murphy Brown” to have Darlene look at homes that  are prefect except for “this little thing”.  and finally they find this perfect place with the perfect price they find out was the scene of a murder suicide or something.   But the location would allow Mark to go to a good school and is big enough for both Becky and Darlene to live in.   So is it worth it????

Edited March 24, 2022 by Chaos Theory

[TattleTeeny]

I would take that house right now -- the amount of space, the aesthetic, the price, maybe even because it's a funeral home, haha (though the general idea of living in one isn't so weird to me considering that, often, the families that run the funeral homes live in them)! If it was in close proximity to a cemetery, even better (but a nice old one, not one of those sleek modern ones).

Also, as far as an air of grief in the home, I'd think that kind of thing might feel more prevalent in their own home than it would in a funeral home. Maybe? I don't know. 

Edited March 24, 2022 by TattleTeeny

[MaryMitch]

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks tearing down a perfectly good building and Dan building a new house is a stupid stupid STUPID idea!

For $500 a month, I would move into that house in a heartbeat!

[Chaos Theory]

18 minutes ago, MaryMitch said:

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks tearing down a perfectly good building and Dan building a new house is a stupid stupid STUPID idea!

For $500 a month, I would move into that house in a heartbeat!

A few pillows.   Hire a few people to clear out the ghosts and bad energy (the Darlene jokes write themselves). Maybe have a senence or two (the Roseanne jokes write themselves.). Heck if this was a CBS show and not an abc show I would say crossover with Ghosts. (I don’t watch it but what the heck). 

Edited March 24, 2022 by Chaos Theory

[Colorado David]

19 minutes ago, Chaos Theory said:

A few pillows.   Hire a few people to clear out the ghosts and bad energy (the Darlene jokes write themselves). Maybe have a senence or two (the Roseanne jokes write themselves.). Heck if this was a CBS show and not an abc show I would say crossover with Ghosts. (I don’t watch it but what the heck). 

Exactly this. Hire whatever clergy/ghost whisperer/spiritualist to cleanse the house, get rid of everything in it, redo all the walls with wallpaper/paint designs you like.  It was a regular home prior to being a funeral home, so it can definitely go back to being a home again. Tear down/build up is expensive and a waste. And not a one man job for anybody, much less Dan.

[ams1001]

19 minutes ago, Chaos Theory said:

A few pillows.   Hire a few people to clear out the ghosts and bad energy (the Darlene jokes write themselves). Maybe have a senence or two (the Roseanne jokes write themselves.). Heck if this was a CBS show and not an abc show I would say crossover with Ghosts. (I don’t watch it but what the heck). 

I don't normally  watch Ghosts either but I have seen a handful of episodes. It's a fun show. (Also, the guy who plays the husband was in the Netflix show Special, playing a childhood family friend of the main female character, and they start dating toward the end of the series. In one of the episodes of Ghosts, she plays his sister, which I thought was pretty funny, and a little Easter Egg that most people probably wouldn't get.) It'd be a fun crossover; I can only imagine Darlene's reaction to the wife claiming to be talking to ghosts that inhabit her new house.

2 minutes ago, Colorado David said:

Exactly this. Hire whatever clergy/ghost whisperer/spiritualist to cleanse the house, get rid of everything in it, redo all the walls with wallpaper/paint designs you like.  It was a regular home prior to being a funeral home, so it can definitely go back to being a home again. Tear down/build up is expensive and a waste. And not a one man job for anybody, much less Dan.

Maybe Jason Alexander can come back and do some sort of exorcism.

[CapeCodLuv]

I agree with everyone that the tear down idea is idiotic. That house could easily be brightened up with paint, sanding, wallpaper and sheer curtains. Dan could definitely help with that. The only problem I could imagine would be the kitchen, they would have to pay additional to have one added. The mortgage transfer made zero sense. What about the deed, is he going to add her to that along with the mortgage thus still retaining half ownership? Or will he be sole owner on the deed?  I'm so confused. He should sell it to her outright for the remainder of his mortgage if he just wants to unload it.

Can you imagine how excited Roseanne would be if they lived in a funeral home? She loved her Halloween and scary stuff, as did her girls.

I assume Don understands how the cremation chamber could be removed along with any cold mortuary cabinets. That would be a must for me along with any smell of embalming fluid in the basement.

Edited March 24, 2022 by CapeCodLuv

[QQQQ]

We call those popcorn ceilings (not cottage cheese ceilings). Which is funny since I live in the Dairy State. I really wanted to remove it in one place I lived in, but it that can lead to more trouble than it's worth. Especially if it's covering imperfections or contains asbestos.

Edited March 24, 2022 by QQQQ

[ams1001]

4 minutes ago, QQQQ said:

We call those popcorn ceilings (not cottage cheese ceilings). Which is funny since I live in the Dairy State. I really wanted to remove it in one place I lived in, but it that can lead to more trouble than it's worth. Especially if it's covering imperfections or contains asbestos.

My brother's house (which was built in 1916) not only has popcorn on the living room ceiling, but it has little gold stars embedded in it, which I find hilarious. It is so not anything he would have ever chosen, but he doesn't want to deal with the mess of taking it down. (He also has an "attached" garage which was added later. In quotations because while it is technically attached to the house, there is no doorway between the two. To put in a connecting door would require rerouting the baseboard heating in the living room and I assume whoever added it didn't want to do that.)

[MissLucas]

Maybe they should all move out of the house they're living in right now. It looks as if toxic fumes are lurking in the walls eating away brainpower, poor Louise. That's a lot more scary than ghosts. Tearing down a perfectly good building when all you have to do is burn some sage??? And no - even if Dan was in perfect health and 20 years younger - one man alone can't build a house (a log-cabin in the woods maybe). And if Darlene has the money to pay for all the costs that building a house entails then why the f*** can't she find a decent place (without ghosts)?

I wonder what Jackie has on Harris to make he go along with that ad?

[Shermie]

17 hours ago, OhSarah69 said:

But - as much as I love Patton Oswalt and happy to see him on the show - I HATE the idea of the girls buying a former funeral home.  Just no.  Seriously, you’ve waited this long, give it a few more months and see if any “normal” houses come on the market that you can afford. Who needs that bad hoodoo???

Please. Do you think “bad hoodoo” hasn’t happened in normal houses? Any house that’s not a new build has history; if you buy from an old person maybe they died in that house. I mean, old people say it all time - “I want to die in my own house.” Many people die at home, so lots of houses have death attached to them. Did Roseanne die in the house they live in now?

And I’d hardly call the normal dealings of death “bad hoodoo” anyway. As I said, normal houses probably have a lot more bad karma in them, like fighting and misery and abuse. And even a new build is built on the history of something. Who knows what happened where your house is?  A lot of funeral homes of the past were put into houses, so renovating one back into a house isn’t a big deal.

I’m hoping there’s a historical society or something that forbids them to tear it down, although that will probably be written as the poor Conners vs the Big Man of Silly Regulations.

Edited March 24, 2022 by Shermie

[QQQQ]

The Connor house has witnessed at least two unexpected deaths in the past 30 years alone! These people are not strangers to the Grim Reaper...

[Shermie]

21 minutes ago, QQQQ said:

The Connor house has witnessed at least two unexpected deaths in the past 30 years alone! These people are not strangers to the Grim Reaper...

Please elaborate. I watched Roseanne but don’t remember.

[Rocknrollzombie]

3 minutes ago, Shermie said:

Please elaborate. I watched Roseanne but don’t remember.

Pretty sure they mean Roseanne and OG Mark which in Mark’s case really is unexpected because of well Glenn’s unexpected death.

[QQQQ]

1 minute ago, Shermie said:

Please elaborate. I watched Roseanne but don’t remember.

Roseanne (died of an overdose, but they initially thought she had a heart attack in her sleep) and the door-to-door salesman (died at the kitchen table, season 1).

[Shermie]

So Roseanne did die in their current house. That makes their squeamishness about a funeral home kind of pointless. “I can’t live somewhere where there were dead bodies!” Um, you already are. 

I still think Dan and Louise should move into the funeral home and he can renovate it at his leisure once they’re there. Dude is way too old to tear down and build an entire house by himself. He still works full time, so it would have to be done evenings and weekends. Right. Becky and Darlene might move in by the time Beverly Rose graduates high school.

I know a bunch of guys who have been in construction their entire lives, including my brother, and as soon as they hit 50-60, they stop doing the big builds and shift to smaller renos and decks and sheds. Maybe when Dan sees the funeral house, he’ll say it himself - this place is way too nice to tear down, why don’t Louise and I move in? Fingers crossed.

[Cherpumple]

1 hour ago, Shermie said:

Please. Do you think “bad hoodoo” hasn’t happened in normal houses?

Agreed. Half the houses that are flipped on HGTV shows are filled with hoards, drug paraphernalia, evidence of squatters, animals bones, fire damage, etc. at the start of the episodes. The houses on Good Bones are way scarier to me than the idea of living in a clean well-maintained former funeral home.

Count me in as thinking the tear-down plan is insanely stupid. Don indicated that no one wants the house because of the funeral home ick factor, so if I were Darlene, I would buy it now, renovate, wait a few years until the funeral home association fades, and then sell for a profit. It really is a great house (even if it's not my personal taste), and would certainly attract a Cathy Bowman type out of towner who didn't know the home's history.

[Bastet]

10 minutes ago, Shermie said:

So Roseanne did die in their current house. That makes their squeamishness about a funeral home kind of pointless. “I can’t live somewhere where there were dead bodies!” Um, you already are. 

It wasn't about the bodies.  Becky initially said something about ghosts, but once they got there they were fine.  It was after they went into the room for kids who'd lost a parent they had second thoughts, and when explaining to Dan and Louise why they didn't want it, they said it was about how much grief and sadness had taken place in that house.

Still not a reason to tear it down, obviously, so the point I'll give the writers for it not being the usual "Ew, dead bodies!" plot pales in comparison to how many I take away for how utterly stupid this entire "Let's just have Dan tear it down and build a new one" idea is.