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S04.E12: King Of Wishful Thinking


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1 hour ago, Nofo mom said:

I was calling it a Columbine style coat and my sister did not know the reference.  I am so glad you said that!  He looked like a complete psychopath.  

The Columbine coat, (yikes) and don't forget the mandatory Victoria's Secret bag full of frilly things that David will never see that lingerie on Lana, ever.  I think it is odd that men buy that stuff for women they have never seen in person, those men forget that those women need a little time to get know the guy and the guy thinks they will meet and then run off to a hotel room.  That fantasy has never really worked out for any of these guys.

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It's beyond ironic that both Ed and Geoffrey, when they were in the ladies' favor, took it for granted and bitched at them for just wanting a green card, and looking for anything that would point to wanting a green card. Rose's sister asked for money--> Rose just wants a green card. Rose doesn't have a roof--> she must want a green card. Vayra was accused of just wanting a green card because she said she is holding off on renovating her apt. Geoffrey was like, "You just want a green card! You're expecting a green card! I haven't asked you to come to America yet! You PLANNER! YOU SUCK!" and when he found out Vayra, who he met on an INTERNATIONAL DATING site, had talked to other American's, he lost his shit and was like, "Oh, so I'm the dumb sap that you found to get you a green card."

Ed and Geoffrey are both spoiled babies. Any tears they shed were crybaby tears because they didn't get their way. It had nothing to do with losing the "love of their lives"

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5 hours ago, mamadrama said:

I don't actually know Creepy David, never met him or interacted with him. Just his sister.

Do you know if he has an ex or kids?  He acts like he just got divorced, but if he's been "inlove" with Lana for 7 years, it isn't recent. Also, any idea what he did for work. He triggers easily so sales must be out.

He's very comfortable navigating Ukraine. No hesitation driving in a war zone, finding candy store, cafes, finding a PI and requesting a tranlator from the hotel. Maybe there is an overlap with other women and his love obsession for Lana. Speaking of Lana, anyone think she knows her life in the US would be living out of an RV spending winters in packed RV parks in Arizona?

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32 minutes ago, Baltimore Betty said:

those men forget that those women need a little time to get know the guy and the guy thinks they will meet and then run off to a hotel room.

In David and Lana's case, after bowling and horseback riding

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(edited)
8 minutes ago, itsadryheat said:

Do you know if he has an ex or kids?

In the very beginning, David said something about never imagining he would get to his age without getting married. However, he also said he was engaged to two Ukrainian women. 

Edited by magemaud
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21 minutes ago, magemaud said:

In the very beginning, David said something about never imagining he would get to his age without getting married. However, he also said he was engaged to two Ukrainian women. 

He's a gross, creepy man, ugh.  Imagine how smug he must have felt to have "Lana" actually show up, I'm hoping it's just a long game on her part.  David thinks he's got it all figured out, I say he's got nothing on these Ukrainians.  A pure fool, and an arrogant one too.

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(edited)
On 5/12/2020 at 7:55 AM, Chloe Dog said:

From the fight that Steph and Erika were having, I got the impression that the problem was that Erika's 10 year love interest was actually one of the group of her friends.  

A few people have touched on this and it actually EXTREMELY common in the LGBT community for people to maintain friendships with ex-romantic partners, date each other's friends exes, etc. I met my now husband through his ex-partner, we spend time together all the time, they text each other constantly, he has a fiance, it's not a thing.

Think about where Erika is from? You think there is a big community of out and proud LGBT people? It's hard even in larger cities because our community is small and our social spots are even smaller if we had all this drama about our exes like straight people do we could never go out.

Edited by John M
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1 hour ago, bravofan27 said:

It's beyond ironic that both Ed and Geoffrey, when they were in the ladies' favor, took it for granted and bitched at them for just wanting a green card, and looking for anything that would point to wanting a green card. Rose's sister asked for money--> Rose just wants a green card. Rose doesn't have a roof--> she must want a green card. Vayra was accused of just wanting a green card because she said she is holding off on renovating her apt. Geoffrey was like, "You just want a green card! You're expecting a green card! I haven't asked you to come to America yet! You PLANNER! YOU SUCK!" and when he found out Vayra, who he met on an INTERNATIONAL DATING site, had talked to other American's, he lost his shit and was like, "Oh, so I'm the dumb sap that you found to get you a green card."

Ed and Geoffrey are both spoiled babies. Any tears they shed were crybaby tears because they didn't get their way. It had nothing to do with losing the "love of their lives"

And then both had the nerve to be offended victims when the desperation for a green card didn't pan out in their favor.  

Geoffrey went from "you're using me for a green card" to "how dare you have any reservations about marrying me!" 

3 minutes ago, John M said:

A few people have touched on this and it actually EXTREMELY common in the LGBT community for people to maintain friendships with ex-romantic partners, date each other's friends exes, etc. I met me now husband through his ex-partner, we spend time together all the time, they text each other constantly, he has a fiance, it's not a thing.

Think about where Erika is from? You think there is a big community of out and proud LGBT people? It's hard even in larger cities because are community is small and our social spots are even smaller if we had all this drama about our exes like straight people do we could never go out.

Thanks for that insight, it makes sense but I had never thought about it.  

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1 hour ago, itsadryheat said:

Do you know if he has an ex or kids?  He acts like he just got divorced, but if he's been "inlove" with Lana for 7 years, it isn't recent. Also, any idea what he did for work. He triggers easily so sales must be out.

He's very comfortable navigating Ukraine. No hesitation driving in a war zone, finding candy store, cafes, finding a PI and requesting a tranlator from the hotel. Maybe there is an overlap with other women and his love obsession for Lana. Speaking of Lana, anyone think she knows her life in the US would be living out of an RV spending winters in packed RV parks in Arizona?

There is quite a bit in his thread.  

But I'll spoiler what I can remember

Spoiler

He works for the city, I forgot the job, but he makes like $110,000 a year with about $37,000 in bonuses according to a public information site.  

I think he is an accountant because he referenced being super busy during tax season and be said that is his second job. 

So his first job is with the county/state and he does taxes on the side.  

He is retiring from his county/state job.

 

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Even heterosexuals in small communities stay friends with their romantic friends and crushes from high school, unless there has been some horrendous betrayal (or one half of the pair is extremely jealous and insecure).  If they didn't, they could lose all of their mutual friends and end up with none, like Stephanie.

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1 hour ago, John M said:

A few people have touched on this and it actually EXTREMELY common in the LGBT community for people to maintain friendships with ex-romantic partners, date each other's friends exes, etc. I met my now husband through his ex-partner, we spend time together all the time, they text each other constantly, he has a fiance, it's not a thing.

Think about where Erika is from? You think there is a big community of out and proud LGBT people? It's hard even in larger cities because our community is small and our social spots are even smaller if we had all this drama about our exes like straight people do we could never go out.

Thanks for your perspective, I hadn't considered this.

I don't think it's a big deal for gay or straight couples to have exes among their friends, actually I see it mostly as a sign of maturity.  We're not in high school any more, a true friend is hard to come by!

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2 hours ago, Baltimore Betty said:

The Columbine coat, (yikes) and don't forget the mandatory Victoria's Secret bag full of frilly things that David will never see that lingerie on Lana, ever.  I think it is odd that men buy that stuff for women they have never seen in person, those men forget that those women need a little time to get know the guy and the guy thinks they will meet and then run off to a hotel room.  That fantasy has never really worked out for any of these guys.

I saw that bag and thought- no way that he is bringing a bag of Victoria's Secret lingerie to a woman who may not even show up!  I was hoping it was just a gift bag that he bought and had something else in it.  Anything but Victoria's Secret lingerie!  

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7 minutes ago, Nofo mom said:

I saw that bag and thought- no way that he is bringing a bag of Victoria's Secret lingerie to a woman who may not even show up!  I was hoping it was just a gift bag that he bought and had something else in it.  Anything but Victoria's Secret lingerie!  

He was loading up boxes of chocolates, so probably not, but the simple fact is that that was a VS bag, and that didn't end up in his luggage continents away from home by accident. So it may not be in the bag now, but that doesn't mean it wasn't.

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1 hour ago, monagatuna said:

He was loading up boxes of chocolate panties, so probably not, but the simple fact is that that was a VS bag, and that didn't end up in his luggage continents away from home by accident. So it may not be in the bag now, but that doesn't mean it wasn't.

FTFY

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VS has quite a few bath and body products that they sell at ridiculously low prices for impulse purchases during sales.  

I'm not a fan of the scents, which I think are way too strong, but a lot of peoplet swear by their fragrance line.  I wonder if that's where David got those lotions.  

It would actually be a pretty crafty trick to buy some cheapie lotions to get a VS bag and then fill it with some Sears/Kmart/wish lingerie.  

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3 hours ago, monagatuna said:

He was loading up boxes of chocolates, so probably not, but the simple fact is that that was a VS bag, and that didn't end up in his luggage continents away from home by accident. So it may not be in the bag now, but that doesn't mean it wasn't.

Real talk, those chocolate boxes look like the pre-wrapped See's Candy my mom buys in bulk as Christmas gifts for her tenants.  

She also gets the same boxes of chocolates from title and escrow companies hoping to get her business.  I betcha David just re-purposed some boxes of chocolate he got for free. 

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55 minutes ago, Squee Bastard said:

David's coat looks like something a member of Hitler's SS or Gestapo would wear. 

All I can see is Shaft.  No disrespect to Richard Roundtree intended.

Have we ever had a season with so many really bad people, three men who have shown themselves to be uh, unstable, to say the least.  A bisexual woman who really just wanted to increase her YouTube followers, and hurt a nice woman in the process.  Baby girl Lisa.

I guess this is why I enjoy Jenny and Sumit, or Darcy, their lives seem positively refreshing by comparison.  

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6 hours ago, itsadryheat said:

Do you know if he has an ex or kids?  He acts like he just got divorced, but if he's been "inlove" with Lana for 7 years, it isn't recent. Also, any idea what he did for work. He triggers easily so sales must be out.

He's very comfortable navigating Ukraine. No hesitation driving in a war zone, finding candy store, cafes, finding a PI and requesting a tranlator from the hotel. Maybe there is an overlap with other women and his love obsession for Lana. Speaking of Lana, anyone think she knows her life in the US would be living out of an RV spending winters in packed RV parks in Arizona?

I can answer some of these in David's couple thread, since we can't post spoilers here.

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6 hours ago, RealReality said:

Geoffrey went from "you're using me for a green card" to "how dare you have any reservations about marrying me!" 

I have said it before but he gave me whiplash when he was playing up Knoxville, and then, about an hour later:  "What?  You are getting ready to come to the US?"  Varya was probably thinking, "Well yeah....you asked me an hour ago to come to the US."

He was so way out of like with getting in her face over talking to other men.  YOU ARE NOT DATING GEOFFREY!  You are talking, just talking.  

7 hours ago, itsadryheat said:

Do you know if he has an ex or kids?

David said in the beginning he has never been married or has kids.  He was engaged twice.  I never thought that odd (which is good as there is a lot to pick from with this guy) but my hubs was a first time groom at age 52, no kids, never engaged.  Came close a couple of times but nope.....never panned out.

All I could think about with that duster was:  Didn't that take up A LOT of space in a suitcase?

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9 hours ago, sasha206 said:

Agreed. I'm not sure why so many think he was just there for sex only, not with the hopes Rose would marry him.  If he wanted cheap sex, he could take a quick, cheap flight to Vegas and have at it at the bunny ranches.  

What he wanted was a girly woman from an impoverished country that was so desperate to leave, she'd agree to everything and anything and worship him.  Rose isn't that girl.

I don't think he was only there for sex. He could've done that off camera. I think he was mostly there for aspirations of fame. For what he did I consider him a famewhore/ sex tourist hybrid. 

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I don't really understand the big deal with Stephanie and Erika, her mom is going to find out anyhow....she's on 90 day Fiance,  sleeping in the same bed as her.  that's a much bigger statement, so basically it is manufactured drama.

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13 hours ago, John M said:

A few people have touched on this and it actually EXTREMELY common in the LGBT community for people to maintain friendships with ex-romantic partners, date each other's friends exes, etc. I met my now husband through his ex-partner, we spend time together all the time, they text each other constantly, he has a fiance, it's not a thing.

Think about where Erika is from? You think there is a big community of out and proud LGBT people? It's hard even in larger cities because our community is small and our social spots are even smaller if we had all this drama about our exes like straight people do we could never go out.

While this is certainly true, I don't even remember Erika saying that they're still friends.  Yes, I tune out a bunch, but I just remember her saying it was a long term thing and she didn't want to be a secret.  The point of which Stephanie totally missed to pitch a fit.

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On 5/13/2020 at 7:12 AM, Scarlett45 said:

- Ash just wanted a fling with an American, Avery actually wanted to build a relationship.

 

Hi first time poster.  Thank you to all the other posters for giving me something entertaining to read through during this covid madness.

I think maybe one of Ash's problems is that he wants a relationship with Avery too much.  If my socially distanced addled brain remembers correctly Ash said one of the reasons he never wants to give Avery an honest direct answer about anything is that she broke up with him three times.  His brother also mentioned how devastated Ash was when Avery broke up with him.  I have to wonder what his reaction was to cause his brother to be that concerned.  And then when Avery showed up at Sian's house Ash made some comment about thinking that Avery wanting her own room meant that she was done with him.  I have no training in psychology but my armchair opinion is some form of codependency or Borderline personality (also thinking about his over reaction to Avery voicing a difference of opinion after his seminar).  Something is not quite right there.

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24 minutes ago, procrasstinator said:

Hi first time poster.  Thank you to all the other posters for giving me something entertaining to read through during this covid madness.

I think maybe one of Ash's problems is that he wants a relationship with Avery too much.  If my socially distanced addled brain remembers correctly Ash said one of the reasons he never wants to give Avery an honest direct answer about anything is that she broke up with him three times.  His brother also mentioned how devastated Ash was when Avery broke up with him.  I have to wonder what his reaction was to cause his brother to be that concerned.  And then when Avery showed up at Sian's house Ash made some comment about thinking that Avery wanting her own room meant that she was done with him.  I have no training in psychology but my armchair opinion is some form of codependency or Borderline personality (also thinking about his over reaction to Avery voicing a difference of opinion after his seminar).  Something is not quite right there.

Hi! Of course I don’t know Ash personally and I could be 100% wrong, but to me that read more of “he wants his way”, like a small child throwing a tantrum because they can’t play with something they want. I don’t think Ash is in love with Avery and broken hearted in a general sense (they just met), but he expected the trip to go a certain way and Avery through a wrench in that by asking relevant questions about the development of their relationship. 
 

Had Avery shown up and just been down for a fun time, sex, sightseeing and not questioning making the “relationship” work on a serious level I don’t think Ash would’ve been upset. 

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Welcome @procrasstinator! You may be on to something there. Ash appears to have some really outdated relationship ideas and tries too hard to find a woman who fits into his mold and sees him as her knight in shining armor who “says it with flowers.” 

Also, did anyone else get the impression that Sian might be a bit older than Ash? 

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(edited)
1 hour ago, procrasstinator said:

Hi first time poster.  Thank you to all the other posters for giving me something entertaining to read through during this covid madness.

I think maybe one of Ash's problems is that he wants a relationship with Avery too much.  If my socially distanced addled brain remembers correctly Ash said one of the reasons he never wants to give Avery an honest direct answer about anything is that she broke up with him three times.  His brother also mentioned how devastated Ash was when Avery broke up with him.  I have to wonder what his reaction was to cause his brother to be that concerned.  And then when Avery showed up at Sian's house Ash made some comment about thinking that Avery wanting her own room meant that she was done with him.  I have no training in psychology but my armchair opinion is some form of codependency or Borderline personality (also thinking about his over reaction to Avery voicing a difference of opinion after his seminar).  Something is not quite right there.

Welcome!  So nice to see a fresh face, so to speak, here!

Good comments on Ash.  I also thought it was so odd for someone to use the words "destroyed" when all we've seen is her being aggravated over his coaching advice.  It does make sense that if break ups happened a few times, to be insecure.

I'll never understand how people get so hooked and believe in some fairy tale when they haven't actually met face to face.  How can you get that upset if you are "broken up" with so to speak?  How can you really plan a future if you haven't actually met?  I mean, I understand being disappointed if you have an online relationship that doesn't work out while you still haven't met.   But until you've actually spent time with someone in person, you don't have a real relationship in my mind!

Edited by sasha206
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27 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Hi! Of course I don’t know Ash personally and I could be 100% wrong, but to me that read more of “he wants his way”, like a small child throwing a tantrum because they can’t play with something they want.

I totally agree Ash's reactions seem immature and out of proportion.  I also agree whatever he has with Avery is not love.  In my humble opinion you need trust and the ability to weather the storms of life for a relationship to be based on love.  That doesn't seem to be something that Ash is capable of--he seems to be kind of drowning in the stormy weather.

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(edited)
44 minutes ago, procrasstinator said:

I totally agree Ash's reactions seem immature and out of proportion.  I also agree whatever he has with Avery is not love.  In my humble opinion you need trust and the ability to weather the storms of life for a relationship to be based on love.  That doesn't seem to be something that Ash is capable of--he seems to be kind of drowning in the stormy weather.

Great observations!

You'd think someone that bills themselves as some sort of relationship guru that he'd have a better grasp on actual communications.  I mean, according to Sian, he withheld when he was stressed and would act like everything is great.  Avery feels like he sugar coats everything.  And if they just got divorced, he clearly sugar coated the timing of that to Avery. 

You'd think a relationship coach would be able to communicate within their own relationship.

 

Edited by sasha206
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51 minutes ago, magemaud said:

Also, did anyone else get the impression that Sian might be a bit older than Ash? 

I figured Sian was between 7-10years older than Ash. Older but not usually older. Ash is 35? I could see her as 42. 

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3 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Ash is 35? I could see her as 42. 

Ash is 38, but Sian looks mid 40s to me. I don't mean to say there's a huge age difference, but I can imagine her as being much more mature than he. Isn't she also some kind of therapist? Perhaps he was originally her client. (Just a theory) 

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2 minutes ago, magemaud said:

Ash is 38, but Sian looks mid 40s to me. I don't mean to say there's a huge age difference, but I can imagine her as being much more mature than he. Isn't she also some kind of therapist? Perhaps he was originally her client. (Just a theory) 

I would hate to think she would date her client, that’s a big ethical violation. Oh yeah if he’s 38 she is likely 45......seems reasonable. 

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(edited)
3 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I would hate to think she would date her client, that’s a big ethical violation. Oh yeah if he’s 38 she is likely 45......seems reasonable. 

I don't mean they started a relationship while he was seeing her professionally. But can't therapists, medical doctors, etc. pursue romantic relationships after the person is no longer their patient? 

Edited by magemaud
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Just now, magemaud said:

I don't mean they started a relationship while he was seeing her professionally. But can't therapists, medical doctors, etc. start romantic relationships after the person is no longer their patient? 

Oh I see. Sure they can, but if you’re a therapist that seems kinda skeevy to me. Of course people can do what they want (consenting adults and all) but you have a huge emotional advantage over this person and it’s super easy to get attached to your therapist I’ve heard. A friend of mine only started seeing old men as therapists (she’s a lesbian) so she wouldn’t develop emotional crushes when she was vulnerable. 

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19 minutes ago, magemaud said:

Ash is 38, but Sian looks mid 40s to me. I don't mean to say there's a huge age difference, but I can imagine her as being much more mature than he. Isn't she also some kind of therapist? Perhaps he was originally her client. (Just a theory) 

He's aged her. 

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2 hours ago, procrasstinator said:

Hi first time poster.  Thank you to all the other posters for giving me something entertaining to read through during this covid madness.

I think maybe one of Ash's problems is that he wants a relationship with Avery too much.  If my socially distanced addled brain remembers correctly Ash said one of the reasons he never wants to give Avery an honest direct answer about anything is that she broke up with him three times.  His brother also mentioned how devastated Ash was when Avery broke up with him.  I have to wonder what his reaction was to cause his brother to be that concerned.  And then when Avery showed up at Sian's house Ash made some comment about thinking that Avery wanting her own room meant that she was done with him.  I have no training in psychology but my armchair opinion is some form of codependency or Borderline personality (also thinking about his over reaction to Avery voicing a difference of opinion after his seminar).  Something is not quite right there.

Allo!

I agree with you that ash is realizing he is losing Avery and is not taking it well.  And I think, like you said, it's the reason he falsely paints a rosy picture.  Its weird that he is doing all this in a Gambit to keep her but it's only pushing her away. 

I think he realized that seminar was a absolute disaster and was super anxious about how Avery would think he was a clown.  That seminar was so awful, I would not trust that guy to come up with half the rent.  I couldn't take him seriously as a life partner.  He didn't even have working markers.  

He ended up taking out the anxiety and frustration he rightfully had with himself out on her.  And out of pride he doubled down on his ridiculousness.

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42 minutes ago, RealReality said:

I think he realized that seminar was a absolute disaster and was super anxious about how Avery would think he was a clown.  That seminar was so awful, I would not trust that guy to come up with half the rent.  I couldn't take him seriously as a life partner.  He didn't even have working markers.  

 

Yes!  Avery said too that she wanted to see Ash in action partly because she wanted someone who was competent at their job.  That certainly was not the time for Ash to try to wing it off an internet video or try to bluff his way through on his looks and his charm.  Especially when you have so much riding on a presentation do your homework and prepare (and don't try to steal someone else's presentation!)

 

47 minutes ago, RealReality said:

He ended up taking out the anxiety and frustration he rightfully had with himself out on her.  And out of pride he doubled down on his ridiculousness.

Yes--a huge red flag.

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On 5/9/2020 at 9:49 AM, KateHearts said:

Not to mention that he can't have a reasonable conversation about their supposed relationship without being a huge offense-collector, storming off multiple times, and name-calling and gaslighting her. (the scene in the street where she is trying to explain her view and he says, "ok, ok, it's all my fault then..." and turns away was very telling).

My fave:  When he's about the flounce out of the room and says to (I presume) the camera-person "She doesn't care!  She just doesn't care!"

Passive-aggressive much?

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On 5/11/2020 at 12:45 PM, Pepper Mostly said:

Some intern at Sharp found the girl in the photos but that was NOT who was talking to David all this time,

I don't think she's even the "girl" in the photos.  In fact, I think that if anything good comes out of this, it will be that David will be dating a woman close to his own age.

I believe the producers found a blond Ukrainian woman who is willing to pretend to be "Lana" and David will either buy it or he will be suspicious that "Lana" posted photos that were 20 years old.  He will never believe that he was corresponding with a Ukrainian online love factory.

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7 minutes ago, Mothra said:

My fave:  When he's about the flounce out of the room and says to (I presume) the camera-person "She doesn't care!  She just doesn't care!"

Passive-aggressive much?

I think it went well with Ed's, "I just can't listen to her anymore".

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I have another question about Stephanie. She's so afraid that her mother is going to find out about her sexuality that she puts her sexuality on a TV show. How does she think that her mother is going to not find out? And it would be so much more devastating to find out that way instead of directly from your daughter.

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7 hours ago, procrasstinator said:

Hi first time poster.  Thank you to all the other posters for giving me something entertaining to read through during this covid madness.

I think maybe one of Ash's problems is that he wants a relationship with Avery too much.  If my socially distanced addled brain remembers correctly Ash said one of the reasons he never wants to give Avery an honest direct answer about anything is that she broke up with him three times.  His brother also mentioned how devastated Ash was when Avery broke up with him.  I have to wonder what his reaction was to cause his brother to be that concerned.  And then when Avery showed up at Sian's house Ash made some comment about thinking that Avery wanting her own room meant that she was done with him.  I have no training in psychology but my armchair opinion is some form of codependency or Borderline personality (also thinking about his over reaction to Avery voicing a difference of opinion after his seminar).  Something is not quite right there.

Maybe but he accidentally admitted he still considers himself single and refuses to tell his clients he's n a relationship. Don't the guys who are head-over-heels usually go very public w/ their relationships? I'm thinking his freak-outs have more to do w/ him than her. But IDK. And I can't believe Avery told producers she considers him her soulmate or whatever at the beginning of the season.

Welcome!

 

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42 minutes ago, FrancescaFiore said:

I have another question about Stephanie. She's so afraid that her mother is going to find out about her sexuality that she puts her sexuality on a TV show. How does she think that her mother is going to not find out? And it would be so much more devastating to find out that way instead of directly from your daughter.

I thought it was more along the line of "I'm going to have the dramatic coming out on film!" so by the time filming was done, obviously she'd know. 

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rose deserves to be a  US citizen just for putting up with this jerk.

so does usman.  

I wish there was a program where we could donate useless Americans to other countries.

 

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