S10.E12: Move In or Move On

[spunky]

On 3/18/2020 at 9:08 PM, Neurochick said:

Damn, that scowl on Meka's face.  I wouldn't want to tell her anything either.  No wonder Michael lies all the time.  She reminds me of a mean nun who slaps your knuckles with a ruler when you act up. 

She has that permanent scowl on her face because she's married to a pathological liar who tries to gaslight her anytime she questions him about his lies. She's probably counting down the days to decision day so that she can be free of his lying behind. 

[Yeah No]

14 hours ago, DrewPaul2010 said:

Mindy's secret (if she has one)

Maybe she indicated she would have sex on the first night...then turned him down?

She claimed she was on her period during the honeymoon?

She told him she waxed her vagina (but didn't)?

She told him she was a Pisces and she's not? 

Or there really is no secret or not anything any normal person would be upset about...

I have no reason to think Mindy is deceitful. In five weeks she's already endured more than most would. If she can get over this fiasco she can be a wonderful wife to some man. Its kind of touching she still refers to him as her husband. He's a HINO husband in name only.

 

Maybe Mindy once told her "girlfriend" years ago that she has Herpes Simplex 1 - that's the Herpes that gives people cold sores on their lip, not genital Herpes, the STD.  Herpes Simples 1 can be passed by kissing.  It is the one that approximately 70% of the adult population has and most never show symptoms.  And she, like the 70 billion other people that have it is completely unconcerned and has completely forgotten about it, but douchebag was told this by the not-friend and is going to try to blow it up into a huge deceit and then use to justify an annulment.  I could see him doing that.  It would also explain why he doesn't want to get anywhere near her physically.  He is so stupid....

Edited March 20, 2020 by Yeah No

[Yeah No]

4 hours ago, Liberty said:

Starting to think Katie is in more scenes with alcohol than without.

Generally surprised by how much alcohol is consumed during filming.  Even J & A consume after their visits with the poseurs.  Since the alcohol soaked honeymoons, Brandon is the only one who has not been in a scene drinking, even Taylor came home one morning after being 'out' all night.

I'm surprised at how much Katie drinks considering she's a diabetic.  She should be watching it and not drinking as much for a lot of reasons.

[Jax7917]

I couldn’t understand why Katie was so obsessive over Derek having dreams ( and reasonable ones at that .) My goodness , he’s not saying he Has a dream of killing someone . He wants to write a Christmas song and go backpacking Lol . But then I realized it has nothing to do with him having dreams . It’s the fact that she thinks that him doing married at first sight was just another adventure on his bucket list and that once he did that , he’ll drop her for his next adventure . I think she has deep seeded insecurities even though she tries her hardest to come off as cool , calm and collected. She’s always picking on him for something . She says he’s too much of a nerd , hes too corny , he’s not realistic enough for her  , he’s not this he’s not that . Shut up Katie . Even her mom knows she’s always throwing away a good thing . I think they’ll stay together at the end of the 8 weeks but then divorce because she’s such a Debbie downer .. and then I hope he achieves every dream he has just to show her that they’re not unrealistic . 

[sasha206]

8 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I think she thinks his dreams are so extensive that she pictures herself at home with kids while he's out building castles in Spain.  I don't see why she is catastrophizing about him so much unless it's because of that guy she was seeing before the show.  Derek doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would desert her in favor of his "dreams".  
 

My theory is that Mindy's so-called "friend" told Zach she has an STD or something similar that would make him want to stay far away from her physically.  And he's going to use whatever it is as his "out".
 

 

On Derek, it only makes sense if he does not have a job, no interest in getting a job, and all he talks about is doing the impossible.

A few months ago, my BF and I are at a concert and I said, "We should learn how to play instruments and then try to write a hit song."  That led to us being super silly and crafting a chorus about one of our em, sexy times.  We laugh.  We still will sing it to each other.  She could have the best, most silly goofy time ever if she embraced that and had fun with it.

On Mindy, that would make sense if he was repulsed.  Like her friend told him she has genital warts or herpes.  What a friend though!  "Hey, thanks for the follow on instagram. Also, my best friend's vag is diseased."

[spunky]

20 hours ago, sometimesjennifer said:

All of this! Why would his dreams not make her think he's even more suited to being a great dad? I don't think he wants to build treehouses and write children's books for himself. His future kids are built into that plan. He's a fun, joyful person and she is making him feel bad for having a zest for life. That is absolutely not what I would want in a partner. 

If Katie doesn't want him I'll take him.

[Kdawg82]

What modelling career would Zach be promoting? The one he may have as the "before" picture for a new crazy eye correction surgery, the "before" on the skin resurfacing procedure or the "before" on the snaggle tooth correction? 

Mindy is too good for him. 

[Elizzikra]

Quote

I think we were to infer that Mindy did not shower (before bedtime) this episode, too.

Oh the horror. Maybe she showers in the morning?

Quote

 

Mindy obviously watches her weight, and she wears lipstick and eye liner. She was made up to beat the band for her wedding. Why wasn't Mindy bare-faced with unwashed hair then? Why bother with a fancy wedding dress? People can get married in sweat pants just as easily (more!) and legally.

Why the effort? Because she wanted to look her best on that one day.

I'm not a fan of Mindy's type of Bait and Switch.

 

She exercises all day every day so that helps keep her trim. And the fact that she dressed up on her wedding day doesn't obligate her to a lifetime of dolling up for her husband 24/7. I don't think this is Bait and Switch at all - Mindy washes off the make up and wears comfortable clothes when she is at home. She should be able to be comfortable at home.

I'll reiterate - I've never seen Mindy's hair look greasy. Maybe my eyes are old. Maybe my tv isn't working. But I don't believe she is unclean or unhygienic just because bag-of-turds Zach gave her a hard time about not showering on their wedding night. 

[Empress1]

2 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

Oh the horror. Maybe she showers in the morning?

She exercises all day every day so that helps keep her trim. And the fact that she dressed up on her wedding day doesn't obligate her to a lifetime of dolling up for her husband 24/7. I don't think this is Bait and Switch at all - Mindy washes off the make up and wears comfortable clothes when she is at home. She should be able to be comfortable at home.

I'll reiterate - I've never seen Mindy's hair look greasy. Maybe my eyes are old. Maybe my tv isn't working. But I don't believe she is unclean or unhygienic just because bag-of-turds Zach gave her a hard time about not showering on their wedding night. 

Yeah, I find this “Mindy should be dolled up at all times to please her man!” thing pretty sexist, TBH. Zach was in a tux on his wedding day and I think he’s been in workout clothes every day since. He clearly doesn’t give a fuck about the way he presents to Mindy. 

You can’t make someone love or like you or want to be with you. When Mindy is at home she’s in comfortable clothes. So are the rest of the women. That’s what many people do. She skipped one shower and people are out here thinking she stinks. It’s nuts to me.

Zach doesn’t like Mindy. We don’t know why, and it really doesn’t matter. He told her on their wedding day, when she was as dolled up as she will ever be, that he wasn’t attracted to her. They discussed it at a dinner on their honeymoon when she was all dressed up. It’s not about her wardrobe or hair or makeup. He’s just not into her. Nothing is going to change that at this point. If he’s only dealing with her when the cameras are on, as she said, the nail is in the coffin.

[sometimesjennifer]

36 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Zach doesn’t like Mindy. We don’t know why, and it really doesn’t matter. He told her on their wedding day, when she was as dolled up as she will ever be, that he wasn’t attracted to her. They discussed it at a dinner on their honeymoon when she was all dressed up. It’s not about her wardrobe or hair or makeup. He’s just not into her. Nothing is going to change that at this point. If he’s only dealing with her when the cameras are on, as she said, the nail is in the coffin.

Exactly. It's not a bait and switch when he wasn't even attracted to her at her most dolled up. If he had been crazy horny for her on the wedding day and then that night she emerged from the bathroom looking like a bridge troll after removing 10 lbs of makeup and extensions and a flipper and three layers of spanx, that would be a bait and switch.

[sasha206]

58 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Yeah, I find this “Mindy should be dolled up at all times to please her man!” thing pretty sexist, TBH. Zach was in a tux on his wedding day and I think he’s been in workout clothes every day since. He clearly doesn’t give a fuck about the way he presents to Mindy. 

You can’t make someone love or like you or want to be with you. When Mindy is at home she’s in comfortable clothes. So are the rest of the women. That’s what many people do. She skipped one shower and people are out here thinking she stinks. It’s nuts to me.

Zach doesn’t like Mindy. We don’t know why, and it really doesn’t matter. He told her on their wedding day, when she was as dolled up as she will ever be, that he wasn’t attracted to her. They discussed it at a dinner on their honeymoon when she was all dressed up. It’s not about her wardrobe or hair or makeup. He’s just not into her. Nothing is going to change that at this point. If he’s only dealing with her when the cameras are on, as she said, the nail is in the coffin.

Exactly.

I can only assume we're just looking for a reason why an attractive woman seems so repulsive to someone who signed up to marry a complete stranger and won't even live with her.

I don't fault Zach for his lack of attraction; sometimes it just isn't there no matter how attractive the person may actually be or how good they look on paper.  But put in your 8 weeks and then end it.  Instead, it's just unnecessarily humiliating for her.  

 

 

[Ohwell]

I'll have to rewatch the wedding scene, but it looked like he initially was attracted to her when she was in her wedding gown and makeup.  It seemed like it wasn't until the wedding night that he got turned off.

[Empress1]

6 minutes ago, Ohwell said:

I'll have to rewatch the wedding scene, but it looked like he initially was attracted to her when she was in her wedding gown and makeup.  It seemed like it wasn't until the wedding night that he got turned off.

Apparently Mindy said on Unfiltered that the time on the honeymoon was the third time he said he wasn’t attracted to her. The first was right after they got married, at the wedding. I read that here, I don’t watch Unfiltered.

Like @sasha206, I don’t fault Zach for not being attracted to Mindy. Lots of us have met people we “should” be attracted to but we just aren’t. That’s life. For every attractive person, there are people who wouldn’t look at them twice. Where I do fault Zach is for the way he’s treating her. As Pastor Cal said, he’s sucked as a husband. He’s not into her, fine, but he could at least treat her with some respect. He’s carrying on a whatever with her friend behind her back, he barely speaks to her ... like, if he finds her do hard to be around, he should just leave. I think he’s overestimating how well he’s coming off with this “hope she’s the one to end it” shit he’s pulling.

Edited March 20, 2020 by Empress1

[Ohwell]

2 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Apparently Mindy said on Unfiltered that the time on the honeymoon was the third time he said he wasn’t attracted to her. The first was right after they got married, at the wedding. I read that here, I don’t watch Unfiltered.

Ok, thanks.  So he put on a fake smile at the altar.  I get it not being attracted to someone from the get go, but he hasn't handled things very well.  

[sasha206]

8 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Apparently Mindy said on Unfiltered that the time on the honeymoon was the third time he said he wasn’t attracted to her. The first was right after they got married, at the wedding. I read that here, I don’t watch Unfiltered.

Yes, I think that was part of his vows.

"I promise to love, honor and cherish you, Mindy, even though I am not attracted to you in slightest and won't live with you during the 8 week period."

[gonecrackers]

IIRC, Zach said Mindy's "lie" was something she had done multiple times, after the wedding, on the honeymoon... I can't recall if he made it sound like it was something she did, something she said, or what, but it was a few times. A chronic condition wouldn't qualify. This whole situation with him is such BS & what a POS.

One thing I'll risk the tomatoes for, though, is Mindy comes on too strong with him. She's very friendly & that's all good, but she takes every minuscule thing he does as a sign he should be jumping on her. To expect him to sleep in the same bed or even room after everything was completely unrealistic. Zach has nothing to give her, & there's nothing she can or should do about it, but she can't read a room with him at all & I find that part of her annoying.

[Elizzikra]

Quote

One thing I'll risk the tomatoes for

I've never heard this before! Is it like some version of "bet the ranch on?"

 

 

[Empress1]

30 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

I've never heard this before! Is it like some version of "bet the ranch on?"

 

 

I think it means “risk having metaphorical tomatoes thrown at me.” 😉

[OnTime]

S10.E12: Move In or Move On

Why isn't "Move In or Move On" right after the honeymoon? That is when they are to move in together.

The producers had no problem with Zach writing his own rules for this show. They knew he'd bring the drama and were along for the ride.

[princelina]

11 hours ago, Liberty said:

 Since the alcohol soaked honeymoons, Brandon is the only one who has not been in a scene drinking, even Taylor came home one morning after being 'out' all night.

Gee I wonder why that is 😈

[DrewPaul2010]

16 hours ago, OnTime said:

Derek will have lots of girls lining up for him and his dreams. I still think he is adorable!!!

To add to her faults it looks like she has an ugly jealous streak...this might be the season only one couple stays hitched...

[DrewPaul2010]

19 hours ago, sasha206 said:

I'm sure they are hoping to find true love.  But they could also do an off-camera arranged marriage too.  But they don't.  

I wonder if any company has considered providing such a service...but they couldn't offer a guarantee.

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 3/19/2020 at 12:29 PM, gingerandcloves said:

Why is she so eager to be tied down with kids and nothing else to look forward to? Just get yourself a sperm donor, Katie.

Being tied down with kids is her dream.  Now, I don't know how much of it has to do with her statement that because of her diabetes, she needs to birth them sooner than might otherwise be the case.  And I've never been down with this overwhelming desire to breed, but I step back and tell myself that if that's what they want, then that's what they want.

But I think Katie wants more than kids.  If that really was all, then yes--just get a sperm donor.  But I suspect what she really wants is a family.  And that's fine, except it takes two to tango, and she and Derek aren't even on the same dance floor. 

Considering her time constraints, I think MAFS is a uniquely terrible way for her to find a husband.  Maybe she's unduly influenced by Bobby and Danielle.  But in the population at large, there just aren't that many men in her cohort who are wanting to have kids right away.  I think she'd be much better suited to some format where she can be very upfront about her desire for kids now, and let the men self-select. 

No doubt she told the "experts" that that's what she wanted, but I'm doubtful that Derek told them that he wants to have kids right away.  So they never should have been matched in the first place, and every minute she spends fulfilling her contract is time she could be spending finding someone who's on the same page as she is.  Or identifying exactly what it is she wants.  If it's children, then have some on your own.  If it's a family, then understand that it's actually out of your control, and you may or may not find a man to build a family with, and for your own sake figure out a way to deal with that reality. 

 

On 3/18/2020 at 5:27 PM, ShowFan said:

Derek’s dreams are all absolutely realistic and easily achievable as long as he doesn’t breed before that (or ever). I don’t understand what’s Katie’s problem with them. 

Her problem is that her #1 goal/dream is to have kids ASAP, and apparently she (like you) doesn't think his dreams are consistent with having kids.  Lots of posters disagree, but...

My issue is that I'm wondering if Derek's "dreams" are along the lines of a lot of people his age, whose goal is to be "famous."  Like he wants to write a book.  Why does he want to write a book?  My experience is that people who want to write a book write a book, and in fact feel compelled to write a book.  Has he done that?  If not, what's he waiting for?  It's not like he's having to save up money or vacation time like he would to backpack to Machu Picchu.  No, Derek, get up a write from 4:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. every morning, like you'll have to do once you have kids, only without the extra responsibility.

Same with the Christmas song.  What's he waiting for?  And really?  A Christmas song?  It doesn't sound like he's a composer who loves Christmas so much that he wants to see if he can direct his talent to make a gift of a Christmas song to the world. 

And yes, it's possible to take children along on backpacking trips, but it's without a doubt more difficult than going without children in tow.  For some, it's worth the difficulty, but I think those are usually people who are already deeply embedded in that activity, and figure out a way to incorporate the kids into something they love doing, and I don't think that's where Derek is in his backpacking adventures.

That's not his fault, necessarily.  He's young, and probably hasn't had the opportunity yet.  Or, more to the point, hasn't made the opportunity yet, which goes back to the question of how badly he wants it.  Or is it that what he really wants is to be an author, not to write a book.  Or to be known as having written a Christmas song, not to actually write it.

Basically, I think Derek's "dreams" are more of the "pie in the sky" variety at this point, and Katie's are much more grounded in the here-and-now.  That's a mismatch, and I don't see how it can be overcome.

 

 

 

[gonecrackers]

3 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

Quote

One thing I'll risk the tomatoes for

I've never heard this before! Is it like some version of "bet the ranch on?"

 

2 hours ago, Empress1 said:

I think it means “risk having metaphorical tomatoes thrown at me.” 😉

^ this 😏

[configdotsys]

On 3/19/2020 at 11:35 AM, OnTime said:

They really need to get rid of this " stay committed" decision.

The whole idea of this "social experiment" is to give it the eight weeks  and then make a decision. Why do we need to see each of them individually with the experts deciding to continue or not?

When did they start this? Last season in Charlotte?

I don't understand this recommitment day when every single episode shows them on the final "Do you want to stay married" episode. I just don't see the point of it.

22 hours ago, DrewPaul2010 said:

She should look her sharpest and dress her best for her sake, not his.

There are some people for whom comfort, especially at home, is important. It's only when women choose comfort that it is pointed out that she needs to "try harder" or "get with the program" because she might lose the guy if she doesn't jump through hoops to please him. I thank the heavens every day that no relationship in my life had that sort of element attached to it. 

Someone mentioned up thread that you have to try really hard unless you find someone who likes you the way you are. I would never entertain the possibility of a relationship with anyone for whom I had to try to get them to like me. You can usually tell after a couple of dates whether you are not a match with someone. It's doesn't have to mean anyone is bad or something is wrong with them or they are not doing something that they should. If they are presenting themselves as they are and one is not feeling it, it's just simply not a match. No harm, no foul.

I noticed at the end of this episode some interesting editing: when Zach was in the bathroom washing his face at the house, his hair had some blonde highlights in it, but in all the other scenes, even though he was wearing the same shirt, his hair was the dark color it usually is. 

[Ohwell]

Not gonna lie.  That hair is gorgeous.  😄

[Elizzikra]

12 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

 

^ this 😏

Nice!

[gonecrackers]

17 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Basically, I think Derek's "dreams" are more of the "pie in the sky" variety at this point, and Katie's are much more grounded in the here-and-now.  That's a mismatch, and I don't see how it can be overcome.

I think he said something about some might not happen but right now he's entertaining many possibilities. He seemed realistic while she seemed like a dramatic brat.

 

The backpacking could be done without her, or, he should've done it prior to marriage, or better yet, he could've married someone he knew would be in it with him. Otherwise I don't see how writing books, songs, or building things would be incompatible with marriage/family, or how it would even inconvenience Katie at all. People can strike a balance with work/hobbies/family, & like someone said above the tree house would be very kid-compatible. He could be the type to take initiative & do all kinds of cool things with their kids. But she has to shoot him in the ass, & make him feel like a dork (again) for having interests outside of her. That's very toxic, soul killing behavior.

#Derekrunfarrunfast

 

14 minutes ago, configdotsys said:

I noticed at the end of this episode some interesting editing: when Zach was in the bathroom washing his face at the house, his hair had some blonde highlights in it, but in all the other scenes, even though he was wearing the same shirt, his hair was the dark color it usually is. 

Is it me or is it usually parted the other way? Maybe he's got some peek-a-boo color under that side? lol

Edited March 20, 2020 by gonecrackers

[Racj82]

9 hours ago, spunky said:

She has that permanent scowl on her face because she's married to a pathological liar who tries to gaslight her anytime she questions him about his lies. She's probably counting down the days to decision day so that she can be free of his lying behind. 

Counting days while she willing stays on while being given an out. Okay. Sure Jan.

And I call bull to all the people who really think she would be some sort of Ray of sunshine with Michael. She had the same scowl before she even walked down the aisle. She needs things her way. There is no bending or leeway with her. She would be scowling no matter what.

Michael sucks. Meka is moody as hell. These two things would happen with or without them being together.

[Kiss my mutt]

I don’t see Mindy as frumpy. Jessica is more what I would describe as such, nor do I think she has a hygiene problem. If anything, she just looks tired and worn out from trying to keep it together after being repeatedly rejected and no familial support at all and what friend(s) she has is a backstabber. 

[Racj82]

1 hour ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Being tied down with kids is her dream.  Now, I don't know how much of it has to do with her statement that because of her diabetes, she needs to birth them sooner than might otherwise be the case.  And I've never been down with this overwhelming desire to breed, but I step back and tell myself that if that's what they want, then that's what they want.

But I think Katie wants more than kids.  If that really was all, then yes--just get a sperm donor.  But I suspect what she really wants is a family.  And that's fine, except it takes two to tango, and she and Derek aren't even on the same dance floor. 

Considering her time constraints, I think MAFS is a uniquely terrible way for her to find a husband.  Maybe she's unduly influenced by Bobby and Danielle.  But in the population at large, there just aren't that many men in her cohort who are wanting to have kids right away.  I think she'd be much better suited to some format where she can be very upfront about her desire for kids now, and let the men self-select. 

No doubt she told the "experts" that that's what she wanted, but I'm doubtful that Derek told them that he wants to have kids right away.  So they never should have been matched in the first place, and every minute she spends fulfilling her contract is time she could be spending finding someone who's on the same page as she is.  Or identifying exactly what it is she wants.  If it's children, then have some on your own.  If it's a family, then understand that it's actually out of your control, and you may or may not find a man to build a family with, and for your own sake figure out a way to deal with that reality. 

 

Her problem is that her #1 goal/dream is to have kids ASAP, and apparently she (like you) doesn't think his dreams are consistent with having kids.  Lots of posters disagree, but...

My issue is that I'm wondering if Derek's "dreams" are along the lines of a lot of people his age, whose goal is to be "famous."  Like he wants to write a book.  Why does he want to write a book?  My experience is that people who want to write a book write a book, and in fact feel compelled to write a book.  Has he done that?  If not, what's he waiting for?  It's not like he's having to save up money or vacation time like he would to backpack to Machu Picchu.  No, Derek, get up a write from 4:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. every morning, like you'll have to do once you have kids, only without the extra responsibility.

Same with the Christmas song.  What's he waiting for?  And really?  A Christmas song?  It doesn't sound like he's a composer who loves Christmas so much that he wants to see if he can direct his talent to make a gift of a Christmas song to the world. 

And yes, it's possible to take children along on backpacking trips, but it's without a doubt more difficult than going without children in tow.  For some, it's worth the difficulty, but I think those are usually people who are already deeply embedded in that activity, and figure out a way to incorporate the kids into something they love doing, and I don't think that's where Derek is in his backpacking adventures.

That's not his fault, necessarily.  He's young, and probably hasn't had the opportunity yet.  Or, more to the point, hasn't made the opportunity yet, which goes back to the question of how badly he wants it.  Or is it that what he really wants is to be an author, not to write a book.  Or to be known as having written a Christmas song, not to actually write it.

Basically, I think Derek's "dreams" are more of the "pie in the sky" variety at this point, and Katie's are much more grounded in the here-and-now.  That's a mismatch, and I don't see how it can be overcome.

 

 

 

His dreams are the least type of dreams to be pissed off about. He doesn't dream of being a rock star. Walking the entire country. Becoming a millionaire. He dreams of small goals for the most part that could be accomplished over time IN ADDITION to having a family. Not instead of. He doesn't want to put having a child on the back burner so he can write a book. This would be something to worry about. That's not what is happening. So she is indeed a brat that I don't agree with at all.

[configdotsys]

1 minute ago, Racj82 said:

Counting days while she willing stays on while being given an out. Okay. Sure Jan.

And I call bull to all the people who really think she would be some sort of Ray of sunshine with Michael. She had the same scowl before she even walked down the aisle. She needs things her way. There is no bending or leeway with her. She would be scowling no matter what.

Michael sucks. Meka is moody as hell. These two things would happen with or without them being together.

I agree that she's a cranky sourpuss but it's enhanced significantly by the person she was paired with. It's like throwing gas on a fire. Had they set her up with a smooth talking, laid back type like Keith (of Keith and Iris), I could see her being more friendly but still having that hard edge, my way or the highway attitude and making faces like she does now if she does not get her way. 

[Racj82]

Just now, Kiss my mutt said:

I don’t see Mindy as frumpy. Jessica is more what I would describe as such, nor do I think she has a hygiene problem. If anything, she just looks tired and worn out from trying to keep it together after being repeatedly rejected and no familial support at all and what friend(s) she has is a backstabber. 

She's not frumpy. Dresses frumpy for sure. 

1 minute ago, configdotsys said:

I agree that she's a cranky sourpuss but it's enhanced significantly by the person she was paired with. It's like throwing gas on a fire. Had they set her up with a smooth talking, laid back type like Keith (of Keith and Iris), I could see her being more friendly but still having that hard edge, my way or the highway attitude and making faces like she does now if she does not get her way. 

Enhanced for sure but the people who mock or don't like her scowl would still be feeling that way now. It's not a because thing. She doesn't just scowl because he lied. That's all I'm saying.

[gonecrackers]

Meka was smiling, laughing, & seemingly enjoying herself with the other wives at their meeting with PC. No sourpuss there, & not so coincidentally, no Michael.

Edited March 20, 2020 by gonecrackers
brides are wives

[Kareem]

On 3/18/2020 at 10:12 PM, gladitsover said:

Next week, Katie is jealous Derek is talkative with the other women. She is either very immature or looking for any excuse to get out.  ...

I think she just wanted a sperm donor. 

With swag.  

[Ohwell]

15 minutes ago, Kareem said:

With swag.  

Wasn't it Taylor who wanted swag?  Miss Katie wants game. 

[LuvMyShows]

On 3/18/2020 at 10:33 PM, Adeejay said:

"Where is the rest of your stuff?" Poor Mindy!  She honestly believed Zach was there to stay. 

The thirstiest Mindy has been this whole season was with the unpacking of his bag and putting his stuff into the drawer.  I really like her, but boy, I was really really annoyed at her reaction then.  When they had their earlier conversation, he said he would stay one night.  What on earth made her think he would bring a lot of stuff?  And it certainly never occurred to me that he would be sleeping in the bed with her, so again, what on earth made her think that he would.  She is the reason that they made that saying, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

8 hours ago, Empress1 said:

Yeah, I find this “Mindy should be dolled up at all times to please her man!” thing pretty sexist, TBH. Zach was in a tux on his wedding day and I think he’s been in workout clothes every day since. He clearly doesn’t give a fuck about the way he presents to Mindy. 

You can’t make someone love or like you or want to be with you. When Mindy is at home she’s in comfortable clothes. So are the rest of the women. That’s what many people do. She skipped one shower and people are out here thinking she stinks. It’s nuts to me.

Zach doesn’t like Mindy. We don’t know why, and it really doesn’t matter. He told her on their wedding day, when she was as dolled up as she will ever be, that he wasn’t attracted to her. They discussed it at a dinner on their honeymoon when she was all dressed up. It’s not about her wardrobe or hair or makeup. He’s just not into her. Nothing is going to change that at this point. If he’s only dealing with her when the cameras are on, as she said, the nail is in the coffin.

Preach!

7 hours ago, Empress1 said:

I think he’s overestimating how well he’s coming off with this “hope she’s the one to end it” shit he’s pulling.

Yes. And when he told Pastor Cal whatever bullshit about trying to make it a good experience for Mindy, that soooo gave away that he is just biding his time until the 8 weeks is over.

[luckylou]

This season was definitely cast for maximum conflict.  In the past we have had numerous dubious pairings, but the casting crew has excelled this season.  

[LuvMyShows]

 

8 hours ago, psychoticstate said:

Dr. Viviana, maybe Jess shouldn't go home and talk to Austin about being in love.  It's only been 5 weeks.  Let it rest.  

I thought this was such insanely terrible advice, given that since Jess has already brought it up with him before, this will just be seen as more pressure and nagging.

7 hours ago, gingerandcloves said:

He's supposedly all about being "fun" and being the "emotional core", whatever that is. 

If I had been a character on a sitcom, I would have done a spit-take when he said that.  As much as people rag on Meka for being a downer, Michael and his individual-grass-blade-trimming are no barrel of monkeys.  He told Cal this time, and he has said it before, that he wants it to always be fun.  Uh, nope, sometimes things in life aren't fun, and that extends to marriage.  Maybe, because no one in his family has been married, he has some overly rosy view of what marriage will be.  I'm guessing that even a 15-minute conversation with a genuine expert, would have revealed several red flags, but we all know that such personnel aren't affiliated with MAFS...and even if they were, and made that conclusion, the producers would see those red flags just the way a bull does and charge headlong into it.

23 hours ago, Kiss my mutt said:

I think derek’s dreams seem very reasonable and doable. I bet if her tinder fuckboi had those dreams she’d be his biggest cheerleader. 

Bingo!  She views her fuckboi as manly, and is constantly measuring Derek against that yardstick.  She specifically derides Derek's dreams as childish....heck, she even derides his having dreams as childish.  I'm sure she'd think fuckboi having dreams was sexy and manly, showing take charge attitude.

[Racj82]

1 hour ago, gonecrackers said:

Meka was smiling, laughing, & seemingly enjoying herself with the other wives at their meeting with PC. No sourpuss there, & not so coincidentally, no Michael.

We've seen her smiling and laughing with or without Michael. This example doesn't mean anything. Also, no one is saying that Michael doesn't deserve any scowl, she only scowls or anything like that.

Just saying she has perma scowl because Michael is a liar is just incorrect. 

[Racj82]

25 minutes ago, LuvMyShows said:

 

I thought this was such insanely terrible advice, given that since Jess has already brought it up with him before, this will just be seen as more pressure and nagging.

If I had been a character on a sitcom, I would have done a spit-take when he said that.  As much as people rag on Meka for being a downer, Michael and his individual-grass-blade-trimming are no barrel of monkeys.  He told Cal this time, and he has said it before, that he wants it to always be fun.  Uh, nope, sometimes things in life aren't fun, and that extends to marriage.  Maybe, because no one in his family has been married, he has some overly rosy view of what marriage will be.  I'm guessing that even a 15-minute conversation with a genuine expert, would have revealed several red flags, but we all know that such personnel aren't affiliated with MAFS...and even if they were, and made that conclusion, the producers would see those red flags just the way a bull does and charge headlong into it.

Bingo!  She views her fuckboi as manly, and is constantly measuring Derek against that yardstick.  She specifically derides Derek's dreams as childish....heck, she even derides his having dreams as childish.  I'm sure she'd think fuckboi having dreams was sexy and manly, showing take charge attitude.

Michael is still indeed the fuckboi but I didn't laugh or anything at the grass clippings. It didn't seem any different to me than people who trim small trees and try to get the perfect eveness. A lot of people do it because it's calming for them. A form of meditation.

Honestly, I thought while a little wonky looking, Meka would at least be able to relate to doing something where trying to get something perfectly the way you want it is the goal.

[gonecrackers]

3 minutes ago, Racj82 said:

We've seen her smiling and laughing with or without Michael. This example doesn't mean anything. Also, no one is saying that Michael doesn't deserve any scowl, she only scowls or anything like that.

Just saying she has perma scowl because Michael is a liar is just incorrect. 

Meka has been skewered this season for her sour attitude. We don't know her outside of this show, & even though I've seen less intense moments between them, she definitely seemed much happier with the other wives. I will also say from experience, when you're around a toxic person a lot it is very difficult to feel happy, lighthearted, or even just enjoy normal things; getting out & away from them can make a big difference. I think she's holding her own with him pretty well, but she seemed different to me at their meeting, in a good way.

That's my observation & my opinion. - agree to disagree.

[Racj82]

1 minute ago, gonecrackers said:

Meka has been skewered this season for her sour attitude. We don't know her outside of this show, & even though I've seen less intense moments between them, she definitely seemed much happier with the other wives. I will also say from experience, when you're around a toxic person a lot it is very difficult to feel happy, lighthearted, or even just enjoy normal things; getting out & away from them can make a big difference. I think she's holding her own with him pretty well, but she seemed different to me at their meeting, in a good way.

That's my observation & my opinion. - agree to disagree.

The person she was before the wedding which was never very bubbly, the person who judges every little about him including where he keeps his trash tells me that her sour disposition isn't BECAUSE of Michael's lying. It's just another factor. That's all I'm saying.

[gonecrackers]

Just now, Racj82 said:

The person she was before the wedding which was never very bubbly, the person who judges every little about him including where he keeps his trash tells me that her sour disposition isn't BECAUSE of Michael's lying. It's just another factor. That's all I'm saying.

She said on Unfiltered she's been harsh with Michael because of his lying. I will add she is living in a confused, probably somewhat defensive state with him. Before the wedding could've been nerves; I'm not judging her on that. I also think part of that was she wanted to make a good impression, but didn't feel her best. In general, Meka may have a way about her that rubs people the wrong way & I can see that, but that doesn't dictate her entire personality being "sour". Again, that's my opinion.

[Racj82]

1 hour ago, gonecrackers said:

Meka has been skewered this season for her sour attitude. We don't know her outside of this show, & even though I've seen less intense moments between them, she definitely seemed much happier with the other wives. I will also say from experience, when you're around a toxic person a lot it is very difficult to feel happy, lighthearted, or even just enjoy normal things; getting out & away from them can make a big difference. I think she's holding her own with him pretty well, but she seemed different to me at their meeting, in a good way.

That's my observation & my opinion. - agree to disagree.

I feel like this a lot of the same things being said over and over with semantics being thrown in. 

Independent of whatever Michael has done people just aren't gravitating to Meka's personality in the same way a lot of people don't like mostly everyone's personality this season. A lot of it is justified within the position they are put in but we can't see them otherwise. Meka has been pretty consistently dour from the ill fitted wedding dress on. People just don't like it. After a certain point some people just don't care about the excuses anymore. Justified or not. I would be curious to see her with a better match but nothing has shown me she would be that much different. Overall happier sure. She stills seems like she wouldn't be that much more pleasant. We shall never know.

 

[Hangin Out]

22 hours ago, OnTime said:

Derek will have lots of girls lining up for him and his dreams. I still think he is adorable!!!

He is.  He Could do much better.  I don’t understand what he sees in her actually.  She’s always criticizing him.  I think she still has her ex on her mind.  I have a feeling she will wind up with neither one of them with that pompous attitude.  She thinks her shit don’t stink, and in reality, she’s not all that.

Edited March 21, 2020 by Silver Bells

[Hangin Out]

3 minutes ago, Silver Bells said:

He is.  He Could do much better.  I don’t understand what he sees in her actually.  She’s always criticizing him.

What the hell.  Is there a ghost in here?  I just posted up there, lol.

[Hangin Out]

When Meka is on “Unfiltered”, she is lovely and speaks in a normal tone.  When on the show, she rattles off very fast and long and is quite annoying.  Anybody would go nuts listening to that all the time.  She has to speak softly and make it short.

 

 

 

 

 

[Racj82]

12 hours ago, Silver Bells said:

When Meka is on “Unfiltered”, she is lovely and speaks in a normal tone.  When on the show, she rattles off very fast and long and is quite annoying.  Anybody would go nuts listening to that all the time.  She has to speak softly and make it short.

 

 

 

 

 

She's also just talking about stuff. Also pretty free of dead weight at this point. Again she is not always scowling or unhappy any way. Any example of Meka smiling, happy or normal sounding doesn't negate some of the more annoyed reactions people have of her.

I don't like Meka. Talking about as a someone to potentially date.

But, her being generally unpleasant is obviously understandable. There are plenty other parts of her personality I just don't like. I'm sure she really is a good person. She deserves better than Michael.

Michael being a lying circle talker, Katie being one of the most judging people I've seen on this show, Taylor being very immature, Brandon being a overall fuck boi and Zach not being able to be straight up about anything are all so much worse. In my opinion.

I think the disconnect is that some see Meka and they are like, all of her reactions to Michael are justified but ugh. Her attitude and overall demeanor is so abrasive and harder to approach. Some people can see it as two different things. Or at least two certain things in different situations. Some other people only can see her attitude and demeanor through the situation she is in. Like she would a overall different person while not with Michael.

I think her and Katie honestly would be this bad without their issues with their mates. But, I also think that both of them often being so close minded and set in their ways will always create a certain amount of conflict. At least right now. 

[sasha206]

18 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Being tied down with kids is her dream.  Now, I don't know how much of it has to do with her statement that because of her diabetes, she needs to birth them sooner than might otherwise be the case.  And I've never been down with this overwhelming desire to breed, but I step back and tell myself that if that's what they want, then that's what they want.

But I think Katie wants more than kids.  If that really was all, then yes--just get a sperm donor.  But I suspect what she really wants is a family.  And that's fine, except it takes two to tango, and she and Derek aren't even on the same dance floor. 

Considering her time constraints, I think MAFS is a uniquely terrible way for her to find a husband.  Maybe she's unduly influenced by Bobby and Danielle.  But in the population at large, there just aren't that many men in her cohort who are wanting to have kids right away.  I think she'd be much better suited to some format where she can be very upfront about her desire for kids now, and let the men self-select. 

No doubt she told the "experts" that that's what she wanted, but I'm doubtful that Derek told them that he wants to have kids right away.  So they never should have been matched in the first place, and every minute she spends fulfilling her contract is time she could be spending finding someone who's on the same page as she is.  Or identifying exactly what it is she wants.  If it's children, then have some on your own.  If it's a family, then understand that it's actually out of your control, and you may or may not find a man to build a family with, and for your own sake figure out a way to deal with that reality. 

 

Her problem is that her #1 goal/dream is to have kids ASAP, and apparently she (like you) doesn't think his dreams are consistent with having kids.  Lots of posters disagree, but...

My issue is that I'm wondering if Derek's "dreams" are along the lines of a lot of people his age, whose goal is to be "famous."  Like he wants to write a book.  Why does he want to write a book?  My experience is that people who want to write a book write a book, and in fact feel compelled to write a book.  Has he done that?  If not, what's he waiting for?  It's not like he's having to save up money or vacation time like he would to backpack to Machu Picchu.  No, Derek, get up a write from 4:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. every morning, like you'll have to do once you have kids, only without the extra responsibility.

Same with the Christmas song.  What's he waiting for?  And really?  A Christmas song?  It doesn't sound like he's a composer who loves Christmas so much that he wants to see if he can direct his talent to make a gift of a Christmas song to the world. 

And yes, it's possible to take children along on backpacking trips, but it's without a doubt more difficult than going without children in tow.  For some, it's worth the difficulty, but I think those are usually people who are already deeply embedded in that activity, and figure out a way to incorporate the kids into something they love doing, and I don't think that's where Derek is in his backpacking adventures.

That's not his fault, necessarily.  He's young, and probably hasn't had the opportunity yet.  Or, more to the point, hasn't made the opportunity yet, which goes back to the question of how badly he wants it.  Or is it that what he really wants is to be an author, not to write a book.  Or to be known as having written a Christmas song, not to actually write it.

Basically, I think Derek's "dreams" are more of the "pie in the sky" variety at this point, and Katie's are much more grounded in the here-and-now.  That's a mismatch, and I don't see how it can be overcome.

The angle "to be famous" is an interesting one.   They both must have that desire;  just like The Bachelor the reason they are on that show is to feed that need.  I don't believe any of them are on a show for the "right reasons."  Some are less obvious about that (Austin and Jen).

I said earlier that unless he's without job, his dreams are fine.  None of them need to be accomplished by age 30.  Maybe he's all over the place about his dreams and she's tired of hearing them.  But writing a Christmas song is harmless fun, so I don't  understand her shitting on that one even if his dreams aren't grounded in reality.  Or any of them unless they are dreams that could impact them financially (my BIL once wanted to open an Irish pub w/zero experience in the restaurant biz, fortunately he never did).

The question I ask is though:  does this woman not want to be a child therapist anymore?  Because her reaction on his dreams being dumb, shitting on the Christmas song, surely is going to make her lose business.  

Same with Michael.  With his grandiose lies, I'm hoping that his "educator" profession is also a lie.  I would not want him being involved with my kid's education.